


Broken Promises

by rainydroplets



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: A bit rude sometimes, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kissing, M/M, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Sex, Suicide Attempt, eruri - Freeform, spiked drinks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2018-12-04 09:44:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 41
Words: 228,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11552559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainydroplets/pseuds/rainydroplets
Summary: Levi met Erwin when he was just eight years old, once he moved out of his Uncle Kenny's and back in with his mum. Instantly, the two boys clicked becoming best friends. But as they got older, and High School came around, Levi began to realise his feelings towards Erwin were less than innocent - wanting to keep it a secret from everyone he knew, not sure of how certain people would react.Soon enough, the end of High School was creeping round as they entered their last year. Everyone deciding what they wanted to do with their futures, deciding what colleges to go to, and deciding if their relationships were strong enough to last long distance.This is my first fanfic I've written, so please be gentle and I hope you all enjoy it! I try and update at least weekly, and there's quite a few chapters in it so plenty to read if you're bored! I don't own the names of the characters or names of places.Enjoy ~





	1. 9 Years Ago - Elementary Class

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! The first three chapters are set in the past and then it gets to the modern setting of senior year at high school. :)  
> 

“Quiet down class! Today we’ve got a new student joining us. His name is Levi Ackerman – please make him feel welcomed as we usually do at Sina Elementary.”

Levi looked out into the full classroom at all the different eyes glaring back at him. He scanned the room for an empty seat, and was met by loads of different grins back at him. The tables were all taken or full, apart from one towards the back of the room where sat a blonde, a brunette, and a mousy brown haired group of boys.

Levi wandered over and took a seat next to the tallest, mousy haired member of the group, who immediately leant over and started sniffing him. Levi glared up and pulled his body away, confused and disgusted at the action.

“Don’t mind him, Levi. He likes to sniff people out. That’s all.” The blonde haired boy spoke. “His name is Mike. I’m Erwin, and this is Nile.” He gestured at the other boy on the table with the dark hair.

“Where are you from, Levi?” Nile asked.

“Underground Park.” He answered, stiffly.

Nile snorted. “My daddy says it’s dangerous there. My daddy is a police man and he deals with crime that’s mostly in that area.”

“Nile! Don’t be so rude to him.” Erwin said. “We’re colouring in things we like today. Miss said that we can draw whatever we want. As long as it makes us happy.” He smiled at the new boy, who was still looking pretty nervous.

“Look, Nile’s drawn a Gameboy and some chocolate.” Erwin announced, holding up the piece of work his friend had drawn. “Mike’s drawing dogs. They’re his favourite animal. Show him, Mike!”

Mike moved his head away from sniffing the new boy and showed him his work, smiling proudly at it. “What are you going to draw Levi?”

He shrugged. It hadn’t been long since the accident, and he still was trying to find who he was again. He didn’t want to draw Isabel or Farlan, he didn’t like people knowing about his past. He didn’t have many toys or anything, so he wasn’t sure where to go from that. His eyes looked up and met shining, blue eyes – the only person who had been properly nice that day, and the only person who’d been kind to him for quite a while.

“What are you drawing, Erwin?” Levi mumbled.

Instantly the blondes face lit up with excitement, clearly wanting to talk about his work.

“I’m drawing loads of things! I’ve drawn my grandpa’s bolo tie he gave me. Mummy won’t let me wear it for school in case I lose it though. I’m drawing a bookshelf with my favourite type of books on it: history and medicine. And then I’m going to draw my favourite sweets and chocolates around it so it’s like a picture frame.” He grinned, showing literally all his teeth – minus one at the front, that had clearly fallen out and an adult tooth growing in its place.

Without answering, Levi looked down at the plain paper in front of him on the table.

Nile watched Levi as he reached into his bag and pulled out a shiny, new pencil case Kuchel had bought him for his first day at a new school. Inside it had pens and pencils, rubbers and a ruler. He didn’t have any colours though.

Once the raven haired boy had started drawing with a plain pencil, Nile stopped staring and carried on with his own work, wanting so hard to impress the teacher before the lunch bell would ring.

“Do you not have any colours, Levi?” Erwin asked. Levi shook his head, cheeks reddening a bit because he hated being the one who didn’t fit in with everyone, and he was starting to feel like it. “Here, you can share mine.” The beaming grin was there again, as the blonde spun his pencil case open for the two of them.

“Thanks.” Levi muttered, as he reached out to get the green pencil. As he started to colour in again, he felt Nile staring at him with the disapproving look again. Clearly he was unhappy that Levi had gone to join their table, and even more unhappy that his supposed best friend was being so nice to the new kid.

Erwin sparked conversation again, asking Levi all about his favourite foods and animals. Who he lived with, what he liked to do in his free time. Eventually, after he felt a bit more comfortable, Levi slowly gave small answers to the questions. Mike chipped in too, adding what he thought. And Nile kept trying to have one up on him, trying to prove he was better or something.

“What’s your favourite game to play Levi?”

He thought hard about the question, thinking about the card games he’d taught Levi, Isabel and Farlan back at the old house. “Go fish.”

“WELL I can play that. And my daddy is teaching me how to play poker. We play it with biscuits.”

Erwin gave Nile a funny look, then turned to smile at Levi. “I like go fish. Maybe we can play it together one day?”

“Yeah I remember playing it with my grandma. It’s fun.” Mike answered, wanting to get involved. Nile crossed his arm across the table, looking very frustrated at the new boy. His anger was getting worse by the minute, until the teacher called them all out.

“Okay class, it’s time to stop drawing. We’ll go round a table at a time and you can tell me what you’ve all drawn.” She smiled softly, and started with a table of three girls at the front. They had drawn horses, and princesses, mainly. Levi snorted quietly to himself, thinking how if Isabel was there she’d have drawn anything but those typical girly things.  
It went round a few more tables, people loudly presenting their favourite things: cars, bikes, chocolate – a lot of chocolate – animals. A few tended to have the same things on. One boy had drawn his best friend on his.

Then it got to Levi’s table.  
“Nile, you go first.”

He looked smugly at the other three on the table, before standing up and holding out his work. “So I’ve drawn my Gameboy daddy bought me because it’s the best thing ever and better than any card game. I drew my favourite chocolate bar. I’ve drawn my daddy’s car because it goes really fast.”

“That’s lovely Nile, and nicely presented. Very confident. Mike, what have you drawn?”

He stood up. “Dogs. A lot of dogs. All different breeds – but my favourite is this one here.” He pointed at a fluffy looking dog with big teeth. “It’s a husky. They’re fluffy and can keep really warm when it’s snowy.”

“Ah. I can see that they’re your most favourite animal, Mike. That’s really lovely. Levi, do you feel confident enough?” She asked, smiling softly. He nodded, then stood up slowly. Even though everyone was small because they were only eight, Levi was still smaller than the rest of his new class, especially on his table. Nile, who clearly noticed this, snorted. Erwin gave him a mucky look.

“What have you drawn, Levi?” The teacher smiled.

“A bird. And tea. And trees.” Levi mumbled, so quietly the rest of the class could barely hear, but they could all see. Levi was good at drawing: really good. The bird looked almost real sat in the tree, and the little cup of tea on the side looked as though you could lift it out of the paper and drink.

Erwin was looking up at Levi as he held his picture with a big smile. He was very taken by the new boy in his class, and new he wanted to make friends with him.

“That’s brilliant Levi. What a lovely drawing. Would you like it to go on the wall with the others?” the teacher then asked, smiling again. But Levi shook his head in a firm no. He wanted to give the picture to Kuchel.

“Not a problem. Your turn, Erwin. Best till last?” She joked, smiling as the blonde stood up proudly and started telling the classroom about his love of books and everything he was interested in. Levi couldn’t take his eyes of him – he liked how brave and happy he was.

The bell sounded for lunch, and the children around the room all stood up to grab their packed lunches and head out the door to the playground. The sun was shining, so everyone was allowed to eat on the grass today. Levi’s idea of hell. Despite being so young, he was very cleanly in his ways and refused to ever eat where there would be muck.  
Nile, Mike, and Erwin had all stood up and wandered over to get their bags, the former too heading for the door before Erwin walked back to the table to get Levi.

“Have you got lunch with you?” He smiled, asking.

“Yes.” Levi answered, reaching again into his bag and pulling out a sandwich his mum had made for him that morning. He then proceeded to pull out hand sanitizer and a napkin. Nile laughed at the sight.

“Erwin, you coming outside?” Mike shouted across the classroom, louder than necessary. But Erwin’s gaze was still on Levi, who hadn’t moved from his spot on the table.

The teacher had walked over to Levi by this point, to come and check on him to make sure his first day was going okay. Once she crouched down at the table, Levi spoke.

“Do I have to eat outside?”

“Not if you wouldn’t like to. The other children are only going outside because of the nice weather. But the classroom is still available.”

Levi smiled, and then began to wash his hands, clearly indicating what he wanted to do.

“Erwin?” Nile called, voice agitated.

“No, I’m going to stay inside with Levi. Is that okay, Levi?”

His grey eyes looked up and he gave a very subtle, but genuine, smile at Erwin who then placed his lunch bag down and sat opposite his new friend and began to talk again. The teacher, realising how happy Levi seemed with Erwin, stood up and walked to the front of the class to eat her own lunch.

Mike and Nile both strutted out of the classroom, Mike happy, but Nile extremely annoyed that Levi had taken Erwin away from him. And it was definitely to stay like that, judging by how much they got on only after one day.

They spent the entire lunch getting to know each other better, and once no one else was there, Levi spoke confidently in front of Erwin, and constantly kept grinning back at him. Erwin’s smiles were so warm and happy that he couldn’t help it.

By the end of the lunch hour, Erwin had moved and taken Mike’s seat next to Levi. And he spent the entire afternoon there, talking to no one but Levi as they coloured by numbers in the afternoon, and practiced their maths and writing.

Once the end of day bell rang, everyone stood up to pack their bags, as did Levi. He put his drawing neatly away in a folder Kuchel had got him, and put his pencil case neatly down the side of his bag.

“Are you walking home, Levi?” Erwin asked.

“No my mummy’s coming for me in the car.” He answered, “My house is a bit out of town.”

Nile snorted, “I bet you don’t live around here because our houses are so big and you’re from Underground Park.”

“Shut up.” Levi growled, his face setting into a stoic, unimpressed expression, causing Nile to do as he was told.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Levi?” Erwin asked again, grinning at his new best friend.

“Yes.” Levi said, smiling back at him. “I’d like that.”

The three friends all walked out of school, meeting with Nile’s dad who was clearly planning on walking them all home together. Erwin stopped and waved to Levi as he waited in the classroom for Kuchel to get there to collect him. The teacher had asked her to come in at the end of the day, to talk about how her son was.

Kuchel appeared a few minutes later, and checking no other kids were around, Levi ran up to her for a hug. He clung to her leg as the teacher spoke about how well he behaved, how good his drawings were, and how he got on so well with the new boys. Kuchel’s heart lifted and felt warm with happiness and proudness for her son.

“I think that calls for some sweeties on the way home, don’t you think, Levi?” Kuchel asked, wrapping her arm around his shoulders. She felt him nod into her leg.

“Thank you again, Miss, for today. Levi will be back here tomorrow morning.” She smiled, walking her son out of school.

“So tell me about your new friends, Levi.”

“Mike sniffed me. Apparently he likes dogs so he likes to sniff people.” He said, as he climbed into the car and fastened his seatbelt.

“I see. Who was the one that shared pencils with you?”

“Erwin. He’s my best friend. He sat with me on lunch and washed his hands because I asked him to and everything.” He smiled, blushing slightly at the thought of a new friend.

“He sounds lovely, Levi.”

“And Nile. I don’t like Nile.”

“Oh no, sweetie, why not? Maybe it was because it’s your first day and he is protective of his friends. I know someone who was like that.” She smiled at him, clearly referring to Levi around Isabel and Farlan. Levi wouldn’t let other kids talk to them when they played together. He liked to have his best friends to himself.

“He kept teasing me about where I’m from.”

Kuchel frowned. “Well, that’s not very nice, is it? Do you need me to say anything to the teacher?”

“No!” Levi cried out. He didn’t want other people to get involved in his personal business, especially when it was like that. He felt embarrassed.

“Okay. Well, let’s get you out of the car and get some sweets.” She said, as they approached home. Kuchel tried to push her concern to the side as they walked into the shop underneath their flat and picked out the food they wanted.

Levi ate the sweets quickly that night, and after brushing his teeth and washing, climbed into bed and fell asleep thinking about his new best friend Erwin, and all the fun they were going to have together at his new school. For the first time since the accident, Levi was falling asleep with a different face in his mind, and he felt so happy for it.


	2. 6 Years Ago - Middle School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Middle school came around quickly, and Levi had stayed friends with the ones he met at the start of elementary.

Kuchel lightly tapped on the door of Levi’s room, telling him and Erwin to wake up for their first day of Middle School. She never usually let Erwin stay over on a school night, but because Levi suffered from anxiety and panic, it usually helped him if someone else was there with him to keep him distracted from his own thoughts.

“Boys, it’s time to wake up and get your uniforms on.” She quietly said, poking her head around the door. Erwin was already sat up on the floor, neatening his hair in a small mirror. “Good morning, Miss Ackerman.” He said, practically a whisper. Levi was still sound asleep in bed.

“Ah, good morning Erwin. Is Levi okay?” She asked, her eyesight drifting to the bed where he was asleep.

“Yes he’s fine. We didn’t end up falling asleep till late, so I was going to wake him in a bit so he could catch some more sleep.” Erwin smiled at Kuchel, who then smiled back.

“Not a problem. I’ll get on with your breakfasts.” And with that, she left, gently closing the door behind her. Erwin leant over and gently shook Levi’s sleeping body.

“Time to wake up, Levi.” He said. Levi rolled and grumbled, before slowly sitting up rubbing at his eyes. He was never good at early mornings.

“What time is it?” he mumbled.

“Just before 8. Middle School’s first assembly isn’t until 9:30 so you still have plenty of time if we’re going to walk.” Levi groaned more, then swung his legs over the side of the bed and proceeded to make it quickly after, ensuring the cushions were in the exact right positions. Erwin knew he’d do this: he did it the first time he slept over in elementary school, and continued to do it every time he stayed over since.

“Are we walking to school?” Levi asked, as he was fluffing up a pillow.

“I think so, yes. Mike and Nile wanted to meet us on the corner near school so we could all walk in together.” Levi rolled his eyes, putting the cushion down.

“I thought Nile would have wanted to walk with his ‘daddy’” he mimicked his voice. Erwin smiled, laughing softly. He knew Levi didn’t like Nile at all, but tried not to join in his jokes against him. Whilst Nile was an idiot, he was still Erwin’s friend.

“I think he wants to stay as a four. Middle School is a big jump from Elementary and there’s loads of older kids there too now.”

“Yeah I guess. New kid all over again.” Levi sighed, thinking about it.

“Least you’re not the only newbie!” Erwin beamed at Levi, and then stood up and tidied up his sleeping bag, popping it back in the corner. He was coming back for dinner that night, so didn’t need to bring it to school with him. Levi walked out of the room and headed straight to the bathroom, smiling at Erwin one last time. He washed and dressed in his new uniform that was slightly too big for him, and wandered back to meet Kuchel and Erwin at the breakfast table.

Despite the fact that Erwin was only 11, almost 12, he’d already grown even more inches above Levi, who seemed to be staying quite small. Mike had towered up, and Nile was only a little bit smaller than Erwin now. He filled his uniform out a lot better than a skinny, small Levi did, causing him to sigh at the thought of how young he looked compared to his friends.

“Morning Levi, are you ready for today?” Kuchel asked, smiling at her son.

“I guess.” He mumbled, plodding down and sitting next to his best friend at the breakfast table. Since that day at elementary school, Erwin and Levi had eaten together every day since, whether it was lunch at school, dinner at each other’s houses, or breakfast the day after a sleepover. They saw each other every day, and Levi was really happy to have someone that close to him again.

“We’ll be fine once we’re there. As long as we stick together!” Erwin said, practically beaming at Levi. It was clear he was excited to grow up. But Levi noticed he was wearing his grandpa’s bolo tie, meaning he was nervous, as he only had it for a good luck charm in exams or on nerve-wracking days. Realising his best friend was worried too, he felt a bit more relaxed.

“True.” Levi said, taking a plate from his mum with beans, egg, and toast piled up.

“That’s Erwin’s, Levi.” Kuchel smiled at him, and Levi passed the plate over to Erwin, whose fingers then lightly brushed the side of Levi’s hand. He blushed subtly, but ducked his head down to avoid embarrassment. That had been happening a lot recently, but Levi had no idea why.

“And here’s yours.” Kuchel passed Levi’s smaller plate across the table, knowing he wouldn’t want to eat a lot of if he was nervous. Two small tablets were hidden on the side of the plate, and Levi took them to his mouth and swallowed quickly before Erwin could see.

“Eat up you two. I’ll pop some lunches in your bag, and I got you both a little present for later too.” Kuchel smiled, and wandered to the other side of the kitchen picking up two brown bags and two smaller, patterned ones. She’d bought them both some sweets.

“Oh thank you so much, Miss Ackerman. You didn’t have to get me anything.” Erwin’s manners were impeccable for a child so young, Kuchel thought, and knew that he’d clearly taken after his parents in charm and intelligence.

“I know but it’s a big day and I wanted to.”

“Well, thank you.” The two finished their breakfast, and Erwin wandered off to the bathroom to brush his teeth and nip to the toilet before they had to walk to school. Kuchel took the free time to her advantage, and wandered over to check on her son. He’d been having a few panic attacks recently, and was very worried he’d have one at school since he was very anxious about his first day there.

“How are you feeling, sweetie?”

“Okay I guess.”

“Nervous?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you need us to do what the doctor taught? Do you feel a panic flush coming on?” Kuchel always avoided using the word attack; it seemed so serious when she did, and Levi was still so young and small, the thought of him suffering so much bothered her more than she let on. Levi quietly nodded, and Kuchel sat next to him and went through a few breathing exercises with him, helping him to steady his nerves and get his breath back to normal. He turned around, glanced to check Erwin wasn’t coming, and went to cuddle his mother quickly. She returned the hug, and planted a small kiss on the top of his head.

“Off you go to brush your teeth too. You’ll have to leave soon.” She motioned towards the door as it unlocked and Erwin appeared. Levi jumped down from the chair and went to brush his teeth.

In the next few minutes, the pair left the flat and wandered to their new school slowly, Erwin talking none stop about all the new subjects they’d get to learn, and Levi walking beside him with a scowl on his face. He hated people, especially new people, and that’s all today was going to be.

“Hey!” Mike called, standing up from previously sitting on someone’s wall. “You both ready?”

“Good morning Mike!” Erwin called, happily, and picked his pace up slightly. Levi carried on walking slowly.

“Good morning Nile! You all ready for the next chapter of our lives together?” Erwin asked, giddy.

“Should be good, the three of us, starting middle school together. After we even went to elementary together. I’m glad it’s us three still best friends.” Nile shot a smirk over his shoulder back at Levi, who then returned the smirk in a mocking fashion, pissing Nile right off.

“Even nicer now there’s four of us starting together.” Mike said, putting his arm around Levi and pulling him into the line. Levi ducked immediately after and neatened his hair out.

“Yeah I agree. Let’s make this the best year yet.” Erwin said, smiling happily as they walked into the front gates of the new school. After they all sat in assembly and listened to the rules, uniform, and classes, the four departed into their home room. All of them were luckily in the same form again, which meant they’d be in the same classes apart from PE where it was the entire year. Levi felt a flush of relief knowing that he didn’t have to do the whole ‘new kid’ thing again, with a bunch of complete strangers. Least this way he had Erwin.

When they entered the classroom, there were notebooks upon the desks all with names written on them indicating where to sit. It seemed to be in alphabetical order, boy girl. Because of this, Levi was seated right at the front next to another girl. Nile was a few seats away from him, but thankfully at the other side of the classroom. Towards the back sat Erwin, next to a very pretty ginger girl, and beside him was a very excitable person called Hange Zoe, who, because of surname, was right next to Mike. Levi looked back and the four of the back row already seemed to be laughing and enjoying themselves. He felt a bit empty, being so far apart from his friends, and ended up spending most of first period gazing out of the window.

By lunch time he practically ran to the back of the room to meet Erwin and Mike, and was introduced to their two new friends: Petra and Hange. Hange immediately ran to Levi and linked arms with him, leading him out of the classroom and down to the canteen despite his rigid struggles. They almost got him the whole way there, before he spun and trapped their arm behind their back.

“Don’t touch me. You don’t know me.”

Hange held their free hand up apologetically, “I’m very sorry. I just get a bit carried away sometimes!”

Levi let their arm go and proceeded to walk next to Erwin, away from the newbies. Nile eventually caught up with the new, rather large group and they all went to sit down round a big table to eat lunch. Everyone told their backstories – where they’re from, who else in their class was from their old school. It turned out literally everyone was from the same area as Mike and Erwin (and Nile) and Levi was beginning to feel a little left out. Erwin noticed this, and moved his chair closer to Levi to make him feel more involved. He looked down at his best friend and gave a really big smile. As he did so, his knee brushed against the side of Levi’s, causing his face to flare up again. Quickly grabbing his tea, he took a sip to try and cover the redness.

“What’s that you’re drinking, Levi?” Erwin asked.

“Tea. Mum got me new leaves from the market.”

Nile snorted at that, and pulled out a ‘posh’ version of a bottle of coke: he took a sip dramatically. “My father got me this from the French bakery near my house. It’s delicious. Wasn’t cheap either.”

“No need to be like that, Nile. I think I’d rather have tea anyway – it won’t rot my teeth.” Erwin smiled back at Levi. Whenever Nile put on this front around the black haired boy, Erwin instantly drew up defence. Levi was a much better friend than Nile anyway, so Erwin wanted to be there for him.

“Your teeth are rotting anyway.” He mumbled, directly it at Nile. It was quiet enough that only Erwin heard, and he let out a low laugh.

Petra chipped into the conversation then, drawing Erwin and Levi’s attention back to the group, as her voice was quite high pitched and stood out from the rest of the table. “Who do you think is the best looking person in our year then, Mike?”

Mike laughed, putting his sandwich down. “No one yet. I’ve not been looking.”

Petra smiled at that, and turned her gaze to Erwin. “Everyone fancies you.” Erwin’s cheeks flushed a rosy colour, and Levi heard him swallow.

“No they don’t, don’t be silly. No one really knows me yet.”

“Well my friend Lucy said she thinks you’re really cute.” Petra continued, smiling with a bit of a giggle. Levi felt his insides turn in a funny way; one that he hadn’t experienced before. And he suddenly got really annoyed at the idea of this ‘Lucy’ he was talking about.

“Well, she can come and talk to me if she wants.” Erwin said, smiling. He was beginning to like the idea that other girls might fancy him, and he might even get his first girlfriend.

“I’ll let her know.”

Levi felt his heart fall even deeper into his stomach. He wasn’t sure why it annoyed him so much, but it was even worse when the next class seating arrangements put Lucy next to Erwin. What were the chances? Petra ended up sat next to Levi, and it turned out they got on quite well. Levi thought it would be best if he actually spoke a bit more than usual, rather than just moping about and grunting answers. He and Petra talked about things they liked – foods and TV shows. But Levi kept glancing around and noticing how Lucy was moving closer to Erwin all the time.

 _Was that flirting_? He asked himself. Levi had yet to experience a relationship, as had most people in the school at that point. They were all approaching 12 years old, and that’s when people started taking hugs more seriously, Levi thought. As the end of the day bell rang, Levi stood up and grabbed his coat from the rack against the wall, before turning back and walking towards Erwin who was still chatting away with Lucy. Mike and Nile were in the corner putting coats on, so Levi literally had to just stand there like a lemon.

“Ready, Erwin?” Levi asked, voice disapproving.

He slightly jumped and turned around from his conversation, “oh yes, sorry Levi. I forgot I’m coming to yours.” He turned back to Lucy, and passed her a piece of paper. His phone number.

“Text me later Lucy and we can plan eating our lunch together.” Lucy’s cheeks burned bright red at this thought, and she went back over to Petra and some other girls and they all started looking up at Erwin and giggling.

“What’s that?” Levi asked, not looking up to make eye contact with his best friend.

“Me and Lucy are going to eat lunch together on the field tomorrow.” Erwin said, proudly. He was the second person Levi had ever known to go on a ‘date’. In elementary there was a couple, as such, who ate lunch together every day. Everyone called them boyfriend and girlfriend.

“So are you boyfriend and girlfriend?” Levi asked, as the thought sprung to mind.

“I think so.” Erwin said again, smiling at Levi. His glare was burning into him, causing Levi to have to look up and pass him a fake smile and an “oh.”

The two walked out of the classroom after saying bye to Mike and Nile and began to walk home, talking about their first day. “Petra and Hange are great. I think they’ll be our best friends.” Erwin announced.

“But I’m your best friend.” Levi replied, sounding spoiled and annoyed.

“Of course, Levi. You’re always first.” He replied, smiling at Levi. “Is something wrong?”

“No.” Levi huffed, refusing to divert his eyes from the floor in front of them.

“Was today okay?” Erwin asked, his concern growing. He’d known Levi for three years now – that was enough years to see him grow up a bit, and to be able to tell when he was grumpy or worried about something.

“Boring. As expected.”

“Do you like our new classes?”

“They’re okay.” Taking the hint, Erwin stopped talking as they rounded the corner to Levi’s flat. A home cooked scent was already floating down the stairs. It turned out Kuchel had taken the day off work to cook them something ready for when they got home from school straight away. Levi opened the door and walked inside, taking his shoes off and walking straight to the bedroom without waiting for Erwin. He didn’t say hi to Kuchel, but slammed his door shut and threw his bag down on the floor. He wasn’t even sure why he was so angry and upset, but the thought of Lucy was pissing him off.

“Oh, Erwin, everything okay?” Kuchel asked, worried. She wiped her hands on the side of her pinafore and walked over to neaten up Levi’s unusually untidy shoes. “I’m not sure.” Erwin answered, slipping his own shoes off and leaving them next to Levi’s.

“Maybe give him a bit, he seemed like he didn’t want to talk to anyone.”

“I see.” Miss Ackerman shot a worried look towards Levi’s bedroom door, but then turned back to smile at Erwin, heading into the kitchen to dish up dinner. “So, how was your first day?”

“Really good thanks.” Erwin said, grinning. “We made some new friends. Hange and Petra. Me, Nile, Mike and Levi all made the same class but we’re not sat anywhere near each other. But other than that it was really good.”

“I’m glad.” Kuchel replied, pouring gravy over the mashed potatoes, broccoli, Yorkshire puddings, and vegetarian sausages. “Would you just carry Levi’s plate to the table please, Erwin?”

“Yes of course Miss Ackerman. Thanks again for letting me stay for tea.” He stood up, grabbing the plate, and wandered back to the table where they were going to sit and eat.

“That’s okay. Thank you for looking after Levi.” She replied, before shouting, “Levi! Tea is on the table!”

Moments later Levi appeared wearing a green sweater and black jeans. He propped himself on the seat closest to Erwin, because even though he was angry, it was with Lucy not his best friend.

“Was today good, Levi?” Kuchel asked, desperate to try and get the answer out of him.

“Erwin got a girlfriend.” Levi mumbled, before stabbing his fork aggressively into the potatoes and eating slowly.

Kuchel raised her eyebrows at the comment. “A girlfriend? Oh, what’s she like Erwin?”

“She’s got blonde hair and a big smile. We’re going to eat lunch together tomorrow. She’s called Lucy.” He said, with the same excitement as he had in form before the end of the day. Levi shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

“She sounds lovely, Erwin.” Kuchel answered, remembering what it was like to have a first girlfriend when you’re in middle school.

“You’ll be next, Levi.” She then said, hoping that would be the reason he seemed to upset and moody. But in reply, he just grumbled and frowned, biting more mashed potato.

“Levi you can eat lunch with us tomorrow too if you want.” Erwin said, hoping that would also be the problem and cause of his mood.

“No. I’m eating with Mike.” Levi replied, grumpily. He hated eating with Mike and Nile, because Nile hated him, and Mike sniffed almost everything before he ate it and it made him feel uncomfortable.

“Okay. But you can if you’d like.”

“No.” Levi said, before pushing his plate away. “I’ve had enough.”

“Levi sweetie, you’ve got to eat more than that.”

“No I feel sick.” Levi replied, standing up and walking back to his bedroom. Kuchel let out a deep sigh, and Erwin continued eating in silence.

“I’m not sure what brought this on, Miss Ackerman. I’m so sorry I can’t help.”

“That’s okay. I have an idea, but he’ll be fine.” She said, her smile weak. “After you’ve eaten up, I’ll run you home, if that’s okay. I don’t think Levi will be much company tonight I’m afraid.”

“Of course, and thank you again, Miss Ackerman.”

After clearing up, Kuchel drove Erwin back to his house and had a quick chat to Mrs Smith about school before heading back. When she got home to check on her son, she found Levi curled up in bed seemingly fast asleep. Quietly closing the door, Levi rolled back onto his back and stared at the ceiling. _Why am I feeling this shit because of Lucy?_

*****

The first few weeks of middle school took Levi a long time to settle into. He found himself having panic attacks at the thought of going in, and many a night Kuchel had to sit with him and help him calm down. He just didn’t like being in such a vast place not knowing many people. And the fact Erwin kept leaving him to eat with Lucy was upsetting him even more.

But the thought of Erwin was what was annoying him more. He kept blushing when he thought about him, and whenever Erwin threw his arm over his shoulder like they always did, it made his insides flutter and his cheeks flare a burning red. And he had no idea why he felt like this. He was losing control of his thoughts. However, one morning when he woke up to a message from Erwin saying he was outside, he quickly got up and ready as he thought something might have happened. Lucy and Erwin decided they shouldn’t be boyfriend and girlfriend, because Lucy fancied someone else, and Erwin wasn’t bothered. So they ended their lunch time dates together.

After that, everything fell nicely into place for the first few years of middle school. Erwin and Levi resumed their friendship, and were even closer than before. Hange and Petra were stuck like glue since the first day, and had mingled into the original four. And Mike and Nile were still good friends, and followed Erwin around wherever he went. The more it went on, the less Levi’s anxiety suffered. He was beginning to feel more himself again, and a lot more happy, although his feelings towards Erwin were getting more confused by the day.

It became quite bad when someone decided to make a comment on the fact that Levi and Erwin were always together. “Oh look, it’s the gays.” Some sniggered in the corridor as Levi walked past with Erwin. “Prince and the pauper.” Someone else joked, and this time it turned out that Nile was stood next to them, laughing along too. Erwin just stood, his head held high as if he didn’t hear the comments. But Levi had had it all before: usually because of his height. But now, with the fact that he was so confused about his feelings towards Erwin, he got angrier and more upset as it went on. After a while, the comments became a lot more frequent, and Levi became a lot angrier. Erwin also had subtly distanced himself from Levi whilst at school in order to avoid the taunting and the bullying and decided to only hang out properly when not there. And this really pissed Levi off; so much so he lashed out, and ended up sat in the principal’s office with Kuchel opposite him one day.

“What’s going on, Levi?” The principal asked. Levi shrugged. Kuchel took a deep breath, fed up with how bad it had been getting. He was fourteen now, and it wasn’t right the teasing had been going on since he was 8.

“He’s being bullied.”

“Mum it’s not bullying.”

“Then what is it?” She said, angry at the fact he wouldn’t just tell the situation.

Awkwardly hunched in the chair, after a while, Levi was forced to open up. Being fourteen and in a school full of posh kids, the last thing he wanted to do was rat anyone out. But with Kuchel on his side and the principal sat opposite him it appeared Levi didn’t have much choice anymore. He told them about Nile’s snarky comments and the jokes in the corridors that had been happening since he turned twelve in the first year of middle school. He had reached his last, and had managed to put up with the comments the whole time. Levi was so angry at himself for lashing out and hitting another kid. At the end of the meeting, everyone concluded that Nile was to be suspended for a week and Levi was also to be suspended, but only for a few days. Even though he was bullied, he’d broken a kids nose and that sort of action couldn’t go unpunished. There was also to be a meeting held in the school about bullying and the effects of it, and anyone else who had made rude comments or picked on Levi in anyway was also going to be put in detention for the rest of the week.

Levi was just relieved it was their last year at this school, with a three month break before High School so the chances were that everyone would be able to move on and forget about it. And more importantly to Levi, Erwin would also be able to move on and forget about it.

*****

The summer leading up to High School, Erwin and Levi saw each other pretty much every day. Everyone seemed to forget about middle school’s problems with Levi, however he and Nile distanced even more than before. Erwin apologised profusely for abandoning Levi at school because of the taunting, and Levi forgave him. Mainly because he was his best friend, but also because his feelings towards Erwin had grown even stronger over the few years at school. He was beginning to think only of Erwin at any second of the day, and Kuchel even noticed a dramatic mood change whenever Erwin was around: Levi appeared more happy, confident and comfortable. It was as though all his mental problems floated away whenever Erwin was around. But Levi couldn’t admit that to himself, not just yet: not at the start of High School.


	3. One and a Half Years Ago - High School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> High School came around quickly, and Levi was finding it very hard to maintain friendships with everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a suicide attempt in this chapter, so if you're not okay reading it (which is a million per cent okay) just skip the chapter :-)

Erwin had been with Marie for a few months now, which also meant Levi had been neglected from his best friend for a few months now as well. It wasn’t that Levi was annoyed with Erwin – he completely understood how excited Erwin was to finally have a girlfriend. It also wasn’t that Erwin was ignoring Levi on purpose: he still found time with him occasionally on the weekends. It was that he was jealous of Marie taking all his time away from his best friend.

It also meant that Levi was spending a lot more time by himself, and a lot more time alone with his thoughts.

6 months into high school and Levi had managed to stick with his original friends from middle school. Petra and Hange always sat with Levi at lunch time, however Hange had joined a few science clubs and Petra had joined the netball team, so their free time after school was often full already.

Mike still spoke to Levi too, and they were still really good friends, but Mike also was really good friends with Nile and spent a lot of his breaks and after school times with him which Levi certainly didn’t want to join them.

Marie was the only real new friend that had merged into their friendship group at the new school, and since she was preoccupied with Erwin, that left Levi lonely and bored after school pretty much daily. He was beginning to feel like he did when he was younger, before he became good friends with Farlan and Isabel.

And of course, Kuchel noticed this.

“Not doing anything again tonight, Levi?” She asked as her son flopped on the sofa with a packet of crisps, turning the TV on.

“No. Erwin’s with Marie again.”

She felt her heart drop thinking that her son was being left behind by his best friends. He struggled with the loss of his childhood friends, and yes that was completely different to your best friend distancing from you, but still it just highlighted how Levi couldn’t cope with abandonment. And she was especially worried his mental health would deteriorate again.

“Ah that’s a shame. What about this weekend? Would you like Erwin to stop over on Saturday night?”

Levi munched on a few crisps before he nodded, and then continued to pull his phone out of his pocket and text his best friend. A reply came through only seconds later from Erwin saying that he’d love to stop over.

“He’s coming.” Levi mumbled to his mum, trying to hide the smile that grew over his face. He was actually looking forward to just having Erwin to himself for a whole night for once, and the morning after too. That was a rare occurrence for him nowadays.

Sensing this, Kuchel added “we’ll get take out pizzas for the two of you since it’s been a while since a sleepover, and also pick a new film up from the store. Sound good?”

“Great, thanks mum.” Levi said, finishing off his crisps. His mood had instantly lifted since he thought of finally seeing his best friend again, it had felt like forever and he missed the company.

Levi would never admit it, but he was so soft and emotional at heart. He hated his friends leaving him out of things, but never wanted to annoy them and tag along or moan that they weren’t spending enough time with him. He didn’t want to appear weak to everyone, so tried to avoid the possibility of him coming across that way as much as possible.

The rest of the night was spent with Kuchel and Levi sat together on the sofa, watching TV and just talking about things in general. Levi had been a bit more relaxed than usual with her recently and had opened up to her more than usual about his mental health.

He told her that it was slowly improving and he seemed a lot happier than he had for ages. Lying through his teeth, he told her that the medication she paid for monthly was helping as too. Although, Levi wasn’t actually taking it. It made him feel like crap and not like the other kids at school, so he avoided it and just had the tubes hidden in his bedroom.

Kuchel seemed really happy about how much it was apparently helping him though, and believed him completely, so the subject dropped as she gave her son a big hug and headed to her bedroom to retire.

Levi stayed up a little bit later, then showered and headed to bed, excited that in a few days he’d have Erwin to himself again.

*****

Friday approached quickly, as did lunchtime where he wandered over to Petra to head to lunch. Erwin was taking Marie out to the French bakery for their break, so Levi yet again had to follow his ginger friend around.

“Oh Levi, I’m so sorry. I’m going out with the girls this lunch. They're all taking me out for some noodles! Maybe Hange is free?” She shot her friend a sympathetic smile: she didn’t know that Levi was already feeling so lonely at school, and not thinking of it much further, wandered off to the boy as they headed out the door.

Levi turned around and walked over to Hange who was still packing their bag up from the last lesson. Levi stood there for a few minutes before they finally realised there was a small body hovering around the desk.

“Oh, Levi. You aright?” Hange asked, smiling at their friend.

“Lunch?” Levi said, holding up his bag trying to suggest that it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Levi have you forgotten? Me and the science guys are doing experiments this break for our next science class. I can’t cancel on him now, I promised!”

“But Hange, Petra’s gone for noodles.” Was all Levi could quietly muster from his heavy body: his friends were all just abandoning him for their new high school lives, whilst he remained the boring person he was.

“I can’t I’m sorry Levi. Go see what Mike’s doing?” Hange suggested, jumping up from the desk and practically running out of the door. Before Levi could even approach his tall friend, him and Nile were heading out of the door together for food somewhere else leaving Levi stood in the empty classroom all alone.

He began to question himself even more than he had been since the start of high school: he didn’t understand why all his friends had decided to make way for a new life when the group was completely happy as it was. He didn’t understand why Erwin felt the need to replace him for Marie. He didn’t know who everyone's new friends where, and why they kept ditching him for them.

He felt useless and completely fed up. Before his eyes began trickling, he walked angrily straight out of school, straight past the reception and straight to the park near his house.

Plonking his heavy body down on the nearest bench, Levi lifted his hands and ran them through his hair, squeezing his eyes shut. His heart was beating, but not in the usual way it does when he’s suffering from panic, but in a completely new way. A way that demonstrated how fed up he was.

It was nerves floating in his body, making his heart beat like that.

This isn’t the first time Levi had thought about it, he’d actually had it planned for a while now. He always thought it was him that deserved to go, not innocent, sweet Isabel or charming, smart Farlan. It was him who Kenny hated the most, so why was he left to survive?

Levi closed his eyes and rocked his body slowly backwards and forwards on the bench, until his mind was made up. He grabbed his bag, and walked home looking up into the sky at his surroundings.

He couldn’t do it just yet: things were going to get better. Erwin was coming round tomorrow night, and had finally found time for him again. He wasn’t going to be lonely for much longer – he was going to have a good weekend, and it might just be today that Hange and Petra and Mike had new friends – perhaps on Monday it would be different.

When he got home, Kuchel was sat reading the newspaper on the chair. Friday was her day off this week, clearly, and she shot a look up to Levi as soon as he sat down on the sofa beside her.

“What are you doing home, darling? Everything okay?” She asked, a concerned tone to her voice.

“Wasn’t feeling well.” Levi replied, before taking his tie off from around his neck.

“Everything okay? Whats the matter?” Kuchel continued to enquire.

Levi rubbed at his head. He knew his mum would start asking loads of questions – she always did if there was any sign of Levi not being himself.

“Just a slight headache.” Levi mumbled, “and couldn’t be bothered dealing with double maths this afternoon.”

“Fair enough, I understand that.” She chuckled slightly, falling for her sons lies. He hadn’t lied to her this frequently before, ever, in his entire life. He definitely knew things weren’t well if he found it this easy to lie to her. "Need any medicine?"

Levi shook his head and got up, announced he was going to bed and locked himself in his bedroom trying to escape from the negative thoughts he’d had all afternoon. He just needed to sleep through this, so tomorrow with Erwin would come round quickly and he could finally see his friend properly. After a long time, the small boy drifted off to sleep and didn’t awake, even when Kuchel came on later to check on him.

He managed to sleep through til 11 on Saturday morning, just a few hours before Erwin was meant to be round.

When he awoke from his room, Kuchel had left money on the table with a small note telling Levi to go pick a new film for them to watch later on. She also said she’d left some money to get some nibbles for that afternoon before she’d get home to order pizzas for the boys.

He smiled to himself, excited that he was spending the day with Erwin. As quickly as he could, Levi got dressed, tidied up, grabbed the money and his phone and wandered out of the door to the local shops to pick up a film. It was only when he was half way there the text came through.

11:59: I’m sorry Levi, I can’t stay over tonight because Marie’s taking me to meet her parents. What about next week? : - ) xx

Suddenly he stopped in his tracks and stared down at the message from Erwin, trying to blink back the tears. Rejected from his friends again, all because of high school and growing up. Turning round on his heels, he started to walk back home, his mind completely made up from the day before.

Slowly he unlocked the door. Kuchel wasn’t in sight, thankfully, so he walked over to his room and sat at the desk. Levi’s movements were slow – his body felt heavy, and his heart felt empty. He began to write letters to all the people he could think of to explain why he’s finally made the decision after such a long time.

Firstly, a letter to his whole group of friends. He didn’t want to write them individually, because he didn’t want anyone to feel like it was just their fault alone, so he addressed it to everyone and just said that he felt lonely and was sorry. He tucked it in an envelope and put it in his diary.

Next he wrote one to Erwin. He told him how much he’d meant to him over the years, and how grateful he was to have a friend as loyal as him. He told him how he was thankful he looked after him the first day of elementary school, and how he wished things would be different between them now. His eyes trickled a bit as he wrote to his best friend, but soon enough signed it off and added it to the pile in his diary.

Finally, he wrote to his mum. This is what he took the longest with, and thought the most carefully about. He told her how much he loved her, and that he was so glad she had supported him over the years, but his little brain was too messed up to be able to help and support anymore. He told her all about his feelings about Farlan and Isabel, and how he’d just felt lonely since.

He finished his mum’s letter making sure she knew it wasn’t her fault at all. He didn’t want her to feel guilty for the rest of her life, so he explained how nothing was to do with her and it was just himself and how everyone around him seemed to be able to grow up, whilst he was still clinging onto the past.

By the time he’d finished the letter, his cheeks were wet but his eyes had completely dried out. He hid them all away, knowing that when he’s gone, someone would end up going through his room and tidying everything finding them anyway.

Checking his room was absolutely spotless, Levi pulled out a plain white shirt and pair of jeans from his wardrobe, he didn’t want to wear scruffy clothes when someone found him – he wanted to at least look smart.

The bath started filling up slowly as Levi took the bottles of his medication from the box he hid them in under his bed, and unscrewed the caps. Next thing he knew he was taking handfuls of them at a time, biting them, chewing them – swallowing them all down with a glass of lukewarm water he got from the bath water.

Before climbing in, he text Kuchel.

12:48: I love you mum. So much. I’m sorry. X

Levi climbed into the water, placing his phone gently on the top of a pile of towels by the tub. Turning the taps off, he lowered his clothed body into the water before tucking his head under it to wet his hair.

His stomach had begun to swirl a little, the tablets he ate making him feel sick and dizzy. Pulling his head from the water, he sat forward and leaned into his hands. Thoughts of his entire life began to run through him, flowing down his veins.

A pained cry shot from the bathroom as Levi’s body doubled forward over the pains of the medication. His ringtone shot through the bathroom, and he glanced over to it.

Mum.

Panicking, he quickly grabbed the phone and slid to answer it and put it on speaker.

“Levi?! Levi is everything okay?!” Kuchel shouted down the phone, sounding as though she was already in her car. Levi began crying, realising as soon as he heard his mum he’d made a mistake.

He thought dying would take away the pain, but then he thought about Kuchel living in the flat all alone, working all day and coming home to an empty building. He thought about Petra and Hange who did make time for him all the time, often cancelling going to after school activities so he wouldn’t be by himself. He thought about Erwin who had only started to see Marie more began it was new to him.

He cried even more, Kuchel talking back to him.

“Levi where are you?! What’s going on?! I’m almost home!” She shouted down the phone.

“Mum I made a mistake and I’m going to die.” Levi cried back to her through speaker, his frail body shaking in the hot water as another pain shot through his stomach and his eyes began to darken. His head slightly lolled backwards as his mothers’ voice became more distant.

His body fell backwards through the warmth around him and hit the back of the tub. Seconds later, when everything to Levi was dark, he felt hands lifting him from the tub and muffled voices – only recognising his mothers. Strong arms lifted his body onto a stretcher.

Next thing Levi heard was the sounds of the ambulance sirens and nurses pumping his stomach. Kuchel was clinging to his hand tightly: Levi wasn’t ready to die just yet, and it looked like he wasn’t going to.


	4. Party Games and Drunken Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to the proper setting, everyone had just got home from the homecoming dance at school and were at Marie's, playing a traditional game of spin the bottle. Everyone is drunk (except Levi).

The harsh rain from the storm crashed on the window of the summer house where the group were sitting. The school dance had just finished, and the friends managed to steal some of their parents’ alcohol and decided to play truth or dare in Marie’s summer house at the bottom of her garden.

Each of them had never really drank much before, and they were all beginning to get a bit tipsy. All bar one boy, Levi, who avoided the alcoholic beverages like it was the plague. He sat there with a glass of water, legs crossed in front of his short body, tie loosened around his neck and shirt unbuttoned at the top.

Next to him sat Hange, also wearing a suit: deep navy, bright blue tie. They looked pretty cool, definitely the most unique person in the year. Alongside Hange sat Petra – a very bonnie girl with bright ginger hair, wearing a flowing green dress that hung over her legs as she sat in a mermaid position.

Marie took a swig of vodka straight from the bottle, and almost tripped over her long lilac dress as she reached to spin the bottle again. It spun round three times before stopping on Levi. All eyes in the room landed on Levi.

“Oooooh, truth or dare Mr Moody?!” Marie teased.

Levi was less than impressed. Everyone was far too drunk for his liking. He wasn’t enjoying this party; he only went because Erwin asked him to tag along because he wasn’t sure he fancied going by himself either.

“I’m not playing your shitty game. I’m just watching.”

“Noooo Levi, you’ve gotta play! It’s your go. Now truth or dare!” Hange’s words were slurred; they also seemed to have had too much alcohol than they could handle. Levi looked at Erwin for support, but Erwin just smiled at him and shrugged his shoulders. _Remind me to never do anything for him again._

“Dare.” Levi finally picked. He was not happy to tell them any secrets about himself, and surely a dare wouldn’t be that bad. Erwin wouldn’t let him do anything that would be horrendous anyway, like the cinnamon challenge which everyone had seemed to have a go at this evening.

Nile chirped up, from being sat with Marie, his hand resting around her waist in a very possessive nature.

“I dare you to finish this bottle of vodka since you’ve not touched drink all night” Nile shouted out, laughing at his own dare. Before Levi could respond and refuse the suggestion, Marie interrupted him.

“No no no, he’s got to do something funny! Drinking is easy. He needs to _kiss_ someone.”

“That’s a good idea! Who shall we pick? Spin the bottle again!”

Levi crossed his arms looking annoyed. A kiss wasn’t so bad, he guessed. Least it meant he didn’t need to go near the drink: he refused to do that, and was actually grateful for Marie’s new suggestion. That was, until, the bottle stopped spinning round after Hange’s generous spin, and it landed pointing at the one person he actually properly liked in that room. And the one person he didn’t want to kiss.

Erwin.

 _Shit_ , he thought, ever since middle school he’d always felt flustered around his best friend, and as he got older he slowly realised why.

“Oooooh, Levi has to kiss Erwin!” Marie shouted out, after taking another swig from the bottle and exploding in laughter. Nile tried to follow her gesture, eager to impress his date. He clearly felt uncomfortable at the idea though, as he glared at Levi straight after his fake laugh. He already thought Levi had taken Erwin away from him as just friends – what if kissing pulled the blonde away from him even more? And it also meant that Levi had done something with Erwin that Nile hadn’t yet.

Levi still hadn’t removed his glare back from Nile when Erwin moved his body closer to Levi’s. Quietly, he whispered to Levi.

“Come on, we’ll do this and then they’ll stop bothering us for the rest of the night.”

Levi’s eyes removed from Nile, and then looked up towards Erwin, whose blue eyes were glistening in the dim light from the summer house. His breath was close to Levi’s ear, and felt warm causing Levi’s ears to start turning slightly pink.

Levi had always found Erwin very attractive, since they first met at the age of eight. He’d always being fascinated by him – following him around like a little duckling wherever they went. As he grew older, he started to find him attractive in a _different_ way. Levi had yet to admit this to him: the last thing he wanted everyone at school to know was that he was gay – he’d seen too many films and heard too many stories about the abuse gay kids got in schools. Plus, he didn’t really want to ruin his friendship with Erwin for the sake of a silly little crush.

But then grey eyes met blue, and then the lids drew shut and their lips drew together, eventually locking. The room exploded into giggles and glares, everyone watching the two exchange a quick kiss. After a few seconds, they pulled apart. Erwin had a huge grin plastered on his face, and Levi returned to his usual grimace.

“Satisfied?” he asked the room, he cheeks pink and flustered. He enjoyed that more than he thought he would, and still being in his teenage body, the rest of the room saw that as well. Erwin, being the good friend he was, ignored that, and just looked up at everyone who was looking at them both.

“You clearly did!” Hange laughed at Levi, pointing at his intimate area. Levi’s entire face burned bright red, as everyone else exploded into laughter. Erwin just shot Levi a concerned, supportive smile. He could sense his embarrassment. As the blonde boy looked at the smaller one, Levi was sure he could see Erwin’s cheeks flushing as well.

Over the roars of laughter, Erwin whispered into his ear, “They’re so drunk they’ll forget it in the morning, don’t worry.” But Levi was ashamed. Too embarrassed. Why had that happened in front of the one group of friends he actually mingled into at school? He usually could control his feelings and emotions so well.

He quickly stood up, holding his jacket conveniently over his waist. Nile glared at him the entire time, not joining in with the laughter.

“Fuck off, Erwin.” Levi stood up, his eyes began prickling with water, as he walked out of the summer house. The door slamming shut behind him, but the laughter of his friends still echoed around in his ears. Picking up his pace, he ran out of the garden and began the long walk home.

He heard Erwin leave the summer house to follow him, but Levi was far too fast and long lost sight of his best friend who slowly returned back to the party, assuming Levi would follow after too. He was slightly tipsy, and collapsed back onto the floor with a thud.

After reaching a far enough safety point from the house, his pace slowed down and he began to dawdle home. The rain was thundering down, and Levi was thoroughly drenched after a few minutes.

_He’s my best friend. I shouldn’t have kissed him. He knows. My best friend knows that I fancy him. Shit. I’m so humiliated. I’ll just pretend I don’t fancy him. He’s just my best friend. He’ll never be anything more than my best friend. That’s it. Best friends. I do not fancy Erwin._

His mind raced with these thoughts as he walked home, his breathing becoming quicker and his heart rate increasing. He felt panicked; he wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t want to lose Erwin as a friend, and he definitely didn’t want to be pushed away from his friends at school. He only had a year, and he couldn’t cope friendless through that.

When his breathing became too quick and he felt a panic attack coming on, he sat himself on the wall of the park on his way home to compose himself. Counting in his head, he managed to control his breathing the way Kuchel had taught him a few years ago and the way his therapist practiced with him. The panic had just dispersed when he heard a voice behind him.

_Fuck._

“Levi,” the deep voice bellowed, “oi. Levi. Answer me.”

Immediately, Levi knew whose voice it was. Nile had come running after him, probably to tease him some more like everyone else in the room had just done just ten minutes before.

“What was that back there?”

“Fuck off, Nile. I can’t be bothered right now.”

“No. Answer me, squirt. You gay? You get hard for Erwin?” Nile snickered, and let out a little snort.

“No and no. Fuck off.”

Levi stood up before Nile came and grabbed his arm, preventing him from leaving. Anger rose in Levi’s small body, before he announced, “let go before I hurt you.”

“You won’t hurt me, you’re too _small_.” Nile laughed again, his voice cutting right through Levi, the stale stench of alcohol floating into his face. He hated being teased, especially if it was because of his height. The anger began to stir, as Levi spun around and punched Nile right in the jaw, causing Nile to step backwards to regain balance.

“What the hell, Levi. I came to ask you a basic question, and you did that?” Nile stepped forwards again, getting right up to Levi, before he punched him in the stomach twice, causing Levi to ball forward into a heap. His knees pressed against a puddle on the floor, soaking up through his trousers and drenching his skin.

“You need to back the fuck away from Erwin. He was _my_ friend first.”

Nile then took advantage of Levi’s compromised position, and punched him in the face twice, before standing up and kicking him repeatedly in the stomach. Blood began to trickle out of Levi’s nose, his eye already started to swell. Nile suddenly stopped what he was doing when more voices appeared from the park.

“Nile! Stop! What the fuck are you doing?!” Mike shouted out, as he reached to stop the boy from hurting Levi anymore.

“Nile! Leave him alone!” Petra backed Mike, running over to Levi who was curled on the floor bleeding. A single tear shed down his cheek, but it was hidden by his dark black locks. Dark images flashed in his mind – he hadn’t been battered like this in years. He was usually so strong and could fight people off in the blink of an eye.

Marie was also following the two, but ran straight over to Nile instead, completely ignoring Levi.

“Come on Nile, Hange has had too much to drink and has fallen asleep with Erwin. They’ve fallen asleep in the summer house. We should head back too now, otherwise mum and dad will notice we’ve gone.”

Nile looked at her, smiled, and then looked back down at Levi who was curled on the floor next to Petra and Mike.

“Stay the hell away from us, freak.” Nile spat before turning his back on Levi and walking away arm wrapped around Marie.

When the two were out of earshot, Mike helped Levi sit up and carried him over to the wall so he could get his posture back. Everyone was absolutely soaking, dripping wet.

“You alright, Levi? What was all that about?”

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine. You need me and Petra to walk you home?”

“I said I’m fine!”

Levi hated appearing weak. It was one of the things he couldn’t stand: one of the only things he absolutely hated, and didn’t want his friends to see him like that especially. Suddenly thinking about Erwin and his subtle blush, he quietly just said, “Erwin?” to which Mike understood and answered.

“Erwin thought it would make things worse if everyone saw him running after you. He thought it’d just make the teasing worse.”

 Levi snickered. _Erwin, always trying to do something good for me_. When he could sit straight again after the repeated kicks in the stomach, he stood up and started to walk home, wiping the blood from his nose on a tissue Petra had given to him.

“Levi!” Petra shouted out, causing Levi to turn around. “You can’t walk home by yourself, you’re a mess! What if you collapse?! You need me and Mike to walk with you. We’ll look after you.”

Levi turned his head back in the direction he was heading, “I said I’m fine. See you at school.” The small body then disappeared slowly into the darkness, leaving Mike and Petra sat on the wall where Levi had just moments before. The rain had slowly began to slow down as Petra held her umbrella over her and Mike’s heads.

“Mike, do you think that was about kissing Erwin?”

Mike paused for thought, “no surely not. I’ve known Nile my whole life. He’d never be so shallow or closed minded.”

The two both knew not to follow Levi. Since being friends since middle school, they could tell when Levi didn’t want anyone to be there. They were both concerned about him walking alone, but now they knew Nile was safely back at the party, they were sure Levi would be safe enough for the rest of the trek.

Petra offered a weak smile, before suggesting the two head back to the party together. In which they did, and upon returning, they found everyone asleep in the summer house with blankets wrapped around them all. Marie and Nile must’ve gone up to her room, so the two who returned took place where their cushions were laid out, and returned to sleep.

*****

Levi finally walked through his front door at just past two in the morning. Walking home was a struggle, the blood kept dripping down his face mixed with rain water, and his eyes kept watering blurring where he was meant to be going. When he finally stepped through the door, his limp body collapsed against the frame as he shouted out for Kuchel.

“Mum!” He called. “Mum” his calls broke as his voice cracked and turned into a whimper. He only ever allowed himself to appear weak or vulnerable when Kuchel was around.

Levi’s small body slid along onto the floor, a puddle created beneath him from the storm and the blood. Black hair was plastered to his face completely stuck. The blood had spread about because of the harsh stormy weather. He looked terrible. His body shivering violently. Then, the main light of the kitchen was turned on.

“Levi! Oh Levi, darling, what’s happened to you? Who has done this to you?” Kuchel wrapped her arms tightly around Levi’s small body which was now weak and covered in black and blue.

She kept trying to calm him down as his crying increased and his head fell against her lap. Once the initial tear flow had subsided a little bit, he finally managed to get some words out.

“Mum, I…” he paused, wiping at his eyes.

“Levi you don’t have to say anything yet. Just rest.” Kuchel paused for thought, “I thought you were meant to be with Erwin and Hange tonight, weren’t they with you?”

Levi squeezed his eyes shut again. He was reliving the punches that happened a few hours ago in the park, he tried to block the images out of his mind as much as he could, but they wouldn’t go. He began to panic; a sign that Kuchel had seen many times before.

“No.” Was all his small body could muster.

But the words meant nothing to Levi when he was in this state. He curled himself into a ball as much as he could, making himself as small as possible. His breathing increased, and tears began to stream down his face. Panic resided over his entire form, leaving him vulnerable and open. He was just reliving the punches, feeling them one by one, the kicks rendering him useless. He let out a scream under the tears, and Kuchel pulled him closer into her body.

They sat like that for about twenty minutes, until the panic had slowly dispersed from Levi’s body. He became limper, more relaxed in his mother’s arms. Two panic attacks in one day was bad for Levi: very bad. It had not been like this since he first returned back into his mum’s custody after living with Kenny for a few years.

Once she felt he was okay, they both stood up and walked over to the sofa. The flat they lived in was small; the kitchen and living room open plan, one shared bathroom, and two small bedrooms leading out from opposite sides.

Once Levi was settled, Kuchel made him a cup of tea using the special tea leaves Levi got for his birthday last year. They were his favourite black tea leaves – Erwin had bought them as a present from him. She handed him the warm cup and slowly started padding his face with soothing cotton wool to wipe away the dirt and blood.

“You feel ready to talk, Levi?” Kuchel questioned, as Levi positioned the small cup on the side table. He slowly nodded, before coughing gently to clear his throat. Kuchel was the only person Levi ever would confide in.

“We was playing spin the bottle at Marie’s house, after the dance. Everyone was drinking, apart from me. The bottle landed on me and I got dared to kiss Erwin. I didn’t know what to do but Erwin seemed like he wanted to, so I did.”

He paused and ran his hands through his hair, resting them on the back of his neck to cover his face from his mother.

“I like Erwin, mum.”

Moving his hands away to grab his tea, Kuchel just nodded slowly. She never would interrupt Levi when he was being so open with her, because it was rare enough as it was. The last thing she’d want to do is ruin his thought process.

“Anyway. That happened. I started walking home. Nile asked if I fancied Erwin, I said no. He asked if I was gay, and before I could say much he punched me and beat me up. Mike and Petra stopped him.”

Levi sipped his tea slowly, refusing to look up and meet Kuchels’ eyes. He knew she’d be panicking. He knew she’d be worried. He’d being through his before, in middle school just then it was about his height and his rough exterior. Half way through high school, and she’d have hoped the teasing and the bullying would have faded. But clearly not.

“Oh, Levi” she said, compassionately, “Firstly, there’s nothing wrong with you liking Erwin like that. It’s just love, and is completely normal. What isn’t normal is Nile’s reaction – that is absolutely horrid. Did you want me to contact the school? Ask them to keep an eye out on you again?”

“No!” Levi shouted out, before correcting his tone, “no mum. I don’t want it to be like last time. I don’t want to look weak again, I need to look good at this school. I’ve just made friends; a proper group of friends. I can handle Nile. Literally we’ve only got a year left. That homecoming dance has marked that.”

Kuchel breathed in, clearly not happy with his response, but she didn’t want to go against what her son wanted. Especially not after a night like this.

“Okay, but if it gets bad again, you have to tell me.”

They finished the conversation there, after she promised not to tell school about it, Levi promising to let her know if it gets worse, and after checking Levi’s wounds were all tended to. The two of them parted ways and went to sleep in their own rooms. After a long shower ensuring that all dirt was off his body, the small boy climbed into his bed and snuggled under the covers. Levi tossed and turned all night: the thought of Erwin kissing him and then grinning after wouldn’t leave his mind. If only no one else was around when they had their first kiss.

_But why had Erwin blushed like he did when we kissed? Is there a chance he might like me too? What if he blushed because he saw my reaction? What if he doesn’t want to be friends anymore?_

Thankfully, the next day was Sunday. Levi had another full day to mentally prepare himself before school. Before he had to see Erwin or Nile again. 


	5. Hangovers and Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin finds out what happened the night before at the party, and goes to see if Levi is okay.

The sunlight that shone through the glass windows of the summer house awoke the four sleeping in there. First Hange, who rubbed their head and eyes sitting up and putting their glasses back into position.

“God, how much did we actually have to drink last night? I barely remember anything.” Hange’s voice was extremely croaky and groggy, making Mike stir in his covers and also sit up.

“Think you managed a whole bottle of Petra’s mums red wine by yourself. I’m not surprised you can’t remember much. So glad I stopped drinking early – I’m not feeling too bad today.”

“Uhh” Hange groaned, “Lucky for some, ey?”

Mike let out a small laugh, before being interrupted by a waking Erwin who instantly took to looking around the summer house in a mild panic.

“Mike, where’s Levi? I thought you went to get him to bring him back” he asked with a slight worry in his voice, glancing at the spare sleeping bag and pillow that laid next to his own, still folded neatly.

“Is he not there, Erwin?” Hange questioned, confused and worried.

Mike looked down at his fingers, picking at the skin around the nails. Hange must’ve been drunk if they couldn’t even remember the kiss that caused such a fuss. And even worse that he now had to explain what Nile had done to Levi, and that’s why he didn’t come back to the party after.

“He needed to rush home. His mum phoned him. Something about his Uncle maybe?” Petra chipped in. She glanced a look at Mike, saying with her expression to go with the lie and keep what actually happened a secret.

“Doesn’t sound like Levi, but okay.” Erwin said, shooting a further look at Mike. Mike couldn’t keep eye contact, practically announcing that what Petra said was a lie.

“Perhaps we should all clear up a bit and head home. Nile and Marie aren’t here anyway, so there’s no need for us to hang around. Mike, are you walking home after?” Erwin suggested.

“Good idea, and yeah I am. Want to walk with me?”

“Yes, I’ll be heading your way too.” Erwin said, despite the fact he lived on the streets in the opposite direction. Mike lived on the outskirts of the park near Levi’s flat, but in the more expensive area of town. Erwin was going to be heading that way anyway, he really wanted to go check on Levi.

The four of them managed to clear up the summer house in half an hour. Food, bottles, plastic cups were all thrown away in bin bags. Spare quilts laid out on the floor were folded neatly and placed on the sofa, with a small note of thanks on the top for Marie. If Nile was round, they doubted she’d come down to see them off anyway.

Erwin packed up the left overs of Levi’s things, ready to drop them off on his way home. He wanted to go and check his best friend was okay, and also wanted to talk to him about what had actually happened regarding their kiss.

Despite the fact Erwin had a lot to drink, he could still properly remember the kiss they shared: it wasn’t something he’d want to forget anytime soon.

Petra and Hange parted one way, and Erwin and Mike the other. All wearing their dresses and smart clothes from the night before, they headed off in their separate directions, looking as though they were doing the walk of shame back to their parents’ houses.

When the male pair reached the corner, Erwin wasted no time in continuing his interrogation.

“So, what actually happened to Levi then, Mike? And don’t lie to me, there’s no bother. I remember the spin the bottle, and the kiss. I just want to know why he didn’t come back. You said you were going to get him for me and check he was okay.”

Mike took in a deep breath, and began his explanation.

“I’m in no place to say how Levi feels, but something ticked him off and he was walking home. The kiss bothered Nile a bit, and after he snuck off a few minutes after Levi, I’m not sure if you’d have noticed – Hange was being sick at that point and you were holding their hair back for them. We know Nile hates Levi as it is: sees him as this poor boy sewer rat or something, that’s what he told me anyway.

So instead of just heading off in any direction to try to find Levi, we followed him to the park where we saw him beating Levi up a bit. Turned out Marie followed us as well, she was the one that actually managed to stop Nile.”

Mike looked up at Erwin to check he was still listening, to see if he was okay. Erwin’s face had gone pale. He’d known Levi for years, since they were kids. He always protected Levi from people like Nile, but had practically brought him into a group that beat him like that. Levi was usually a good fighter unless something was bothering him so much. And clearly it had been, otherwise he’d have defended himself more.

Then Erwin remembered how Levi had blushed after they kissed, and what followed after that. His heart sank. Was he the one that caused Levi to suffer so much? And how come Levi had reacted like that? He never thought Levi thought of him in that way, or that one simple kiss would make him blush. Erwin’s heart jumped a tiny bit: he’d fancied Levi for years, but never wanted to admit it in case it ruined their friendship. He valued Levi too much to ruin it over a small crush.

_Was I his first kiss? Have I ruined it for him this much? I’m such a dick. How could I have forced him to go to that stupid party? I know how much he hates alcohol as it is: how much he hates drunk people. And I’ve made him get beat up. He’ll never like me back._

Mike broke Erwin away from his thoughts, “We offered to walk him home after Nile and Marie left, but he wouldn’t let us.”

“Of course he wouldn’t.”

“So we headed back to the party after he felt strong enough to walk again, and I assume he’s just headed home.”

“Thanks Mike, I’ve got to go now. I need to check he’s okay.”

Without a further word, Erwin started to run off in the direction of Levi’s flat, which was tucked away on top of an old sweet shop at the far end of town. Sprinting.

*****

Levi got up early the next morning, after not being able to sleep. He wandered into the kitchen, feeling sore and aching all over. Kuchel was up making them both some toast for breakfast, and upon seeing this, he wandered into the bathroom and climbed into the shower.

He felt mucky. Filthy. In his state last night, he wasn’t able to complete his full night routine and didn’t manage to shower as thoroughly as usual, and now he had grime on himself from the day before and the blood of last night. He stood in the shower for a good fifteen minutes, scrubbing until his skin was red raw and he smelt of nothing but lemon body wash. Happy he was clean, he climbed out of the shower and glanced at himself in the mirror.

His stomach was covered in black and blue bruises, the size of his hand. Some of the bruises had slashes of red over them from where the boots Nile was wearing had impacted him so much he had bled. Levi also had a cut on his cheek with a bruise surrounding it. Luckily, his eyes weren’t blackened like he thought they might be. The inside of his cheeks hurt from the impact of his teeth against them.

It had been years since he was beat like this. Years since he’d gotten into a fight, and he felt shit for it. Quickly averting his eyes from the mess his body was, he pulled on some fresh clothes. A thick green knitted jumper, and a pair of black skinny jeans. As he pulled his socks on, he heard the front door open and two voices in the kitchen.

_Who comes this early on a Sunday?_

Fixing his hair into position, he stepped out of the bathroom and laid his eyes on Erwin who sat at the kitchen breakfast bar with a cup of tea and a slice of toast. Levi’s heart jumped a little bit.

“Morning Levi! I’ve invited Erwin in for a bite to eat. He came to drop off the things you left at Marie’s last night.”

“Thanks.” Levi muttered, coming to sit next to him in the second chair.

Erwin looked at Levi, seeing the cut on his cheek and the bruises that laid all over. He grimaced. Nile could be horrid when he wanted to, but Erwin never imagined he could be this cruel.

“I see you got home safely last night then, Levi. I’m sorry you had to leave so early.”

Levi shrugged his shoulders and wrapped his hands around the top of his cup of tea, taking a sip from it.

“Well boys, I’ve got to head to work now. I’m only doing a four hour shift today, Levi, so I won’t be late home. Just a few errands to run after work too, got to pick something nice up for tea” Kuchel paused as she grabbed her bag and looked Levi in the eye, “are you going to be okay today, son?”

“Yeah, mum. See you tonight.”

She paused a second and scanned Levi, letting out a small sigh “Okay. Bye sweetie, and bye Erwin!”

“See you later, and thanks for breakfast, Miss Ackerman.”

Kuchel smiled, before leaving the front door and letting it fall shut behind her, leaving the two sat in silence at the breakfast bar, both holding their steaming drinks.

“Levi… about what happened, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you play spin the bottle, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. Mike told me about what Nile did to you. I feel terrible. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have made you go.”

Levi stared down at his cup, refusing to look up and meet eye to eye.

“My fault. Shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“Other people kissed last night though, Levi. Nile and Marie, Mike and Petra, Mike and Hange. Even Marie and Petra kissed at one point, despite her being with Nile. It was a game of spin the bottle, Nile shouldn’t have reacted like he did.”

“Yeah well, he did. Clearly he doesn’t like me. I need to go now.”

Levi stood up from the table, before he crouched over. The pain in his stomach was bad today. He couldn’t even stand up straight the bruises and cuts were so bad.

“Shit.” Levi mumbled, before flopping back onto the chair behind him and squeezing his eyes shut, as if that would numb the pain he was feeling. His hands locked over his stomach, holding it tightly.

“Let me see, Levi.” Erwin commanded, worried and anxious about how bad the injury actually was.

“No. You can go now. I’m fine.” Levi said through gritted teeth. Just thinking about Erwin caring for him like that made him feel excited and his heart skip a beat, which was the real issue. He didn’t want to get flushed around Erwin just because he was looking at bruises. Levi decided that being moody was the best way for Erwin to stop caring so much. But before he could follow through on his plan, Erwin was lifting Levi’s arms away exposing his stomach.

Slowly, the taller man lifted the green sweater up showing the black and blue that was now Levi’s tummy. It was swelling, and little specks of scabs were spotted along it. Erwin sighed, and then pulled the jumper down to respect Levi’s privacy.

Without a further thought, the blonde wrapped his arms tightly around the smaller man. He pulled him into a hug, which at first was rejected, until slowly Levi wrapped his arms around the muscular back and pulled himself as close to him as possible.

They stayed in this position for a few minutes, before Levi pulled away starting to feel slightly uncomfortable at their position.

“Do you want me to say something to Nile?”

“Absolutely fucking not.”

“But it might…”

“No.”

Erwin held his hands up in a surrender, then placed them back around his cup of tea, all the time looking at Levi. They stayed in silence for a few minutes, before the two decided to go and sit on the sofa together and put a film on.

Levi decided to put on something light hearted and easy to watch, but nothing romantic. A comedy would suit him fine. He wanted something he could relax to, something to chill out with a little bit. Erwin obliged, put it in the player, and the two sat next to each other on the small seat as they had done many a time before.

After the film had been on for half an hour, Levi found himself snuggled into Erwin’s lap, fast asleep. He fell asleep sat up, but ended up falling onto the lap after his body began to ache more. He tried to convince himself that he moved into that position when he was asleep, but he knew what he was doing. He knew where he was laying.

Subconsciously, Erwin’s arm fell across Levi’s body and held him closer to him. His thumb subtly stroking the other man’s arm as he slept. When the film finished, Erwin didn’t move from his position to put another on. He felt like Levi deserved to sleep after the night before.

The blue eyes glanced down at the sleeping form across his lap.

_I’m so glad we finally kissed, Levi. Although I was hoping for something a little bit more romantic, and less forced. Maybe you’ll open up to me soon and I can take you out properly. And god, you look so good just asleep like that on my lap._

Erwin’s other hand began to stroke Levi’s head as it laid on him, and Erwin smiled to himself. He’d liked Levi for a very long time now, but tried to cover it up because he wasn’t willing to risk their friendship for it. However, since Levi’s reaction the night before, there was clearly a very big chance Levi liked him back.

_Who’d have thought after being friends for all these years, we never knew that we liked each other?_

Erwin awoke several hours later to the front door opening, as Kuchel walked in. She caught Erwin’s eye, then looked down at Levi asleep on his lap: face peaceful, black hair spread over Erwin’s thigh like a pillow. She smiled up at Erwin, and he smiled back.

Without having to say anything, they were thinking the same thing – how nice it was to see Levi actually with anything but a grimace on his face for once.

Quietly, Kuchel walked over to the living area and sat on the seat opposite the sofa, whispering to Erwin.

“How’s he been doing today?”

“He’s been okay. Was in a bit of pain this morning, but settled as soon as we put a film on. That was about 10 this morning. What time is it now please?”

“Oh wow. It’s almost 4:30. I finished work and decided to leave you guys some privacy. Would you like to stay for tea, Erwin?”

“Oh yes please, Miss Ackerman. That would be lovely. I just need to let my mum know.”

“That’s okay, I’ll give her a text for you. You stay there, let Levi have some rest.”

“Thanks again.”

Erwin smiled at her, then smiled back at Levi. Despite how small the flat was, Erwin always felt more at home and welcomed here than he did in his actual house. Kuchel always made him at home, and always had. She let him sleep over all the time, always cooked him food. She was like a second mum for him, which was always nice if his own family was in a grump or busy with work like they usually were.

The two had definitely spent a lot more of their time at Levi’s house than Erwin’s: whilst Erwin’s house was lovely with an indoor swimming pool and a full game room, the size and style of it always made Levi a bit uncomfortable. And Erwin’s dad was always a bit off with Levi, probably because of his background and where he lived. But Mrs Smith welcomed Levi like a second son.

Kuchel began pottering about quietly in the kitchen, cutting up vegetables and putting them on a roasting tray. She made mashed potato, and cooked Yorkshire Puddings and gravy. At about 5, Levi began to stir on Erwin’s lap slightly as the scent of food floated into his nose.

Rubbing his eyes, he looked up at Erwin, who had now began to look down at him.

“What time is it?” he grumbled.

“It’s 5. Your mum is just cooking us dinner now. It smells like it’s going to be a roast, and it smells delicious.”

“Oh, I’ve slept for ages.” Then, pretending he didn’t know where he was laid, he sat up slowly, “sorry for falling asleep on you.”

Erwin gave him a big, cheesy grin, “I didn’t mind.”

Sitting up straight, Levi tried to pull himself up from the sofa, causing him to curl over again at the main of his stomach.

“Shit, I thought sleep would make it stop.”

“Levi, you okay darling? How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine, mum. Just aches.”

She looked at him with a concerned expression, as she silently plated up the food and placed it on their small dining table. The three of them took positions and began to eat the roast dinner.

Kuchel asked them both questions about the dance, and found out all the gossip about everyone at the dance. She was shocked to find that Nile and Marie had gone up to bed together when they were both just seventeen and they’d only got together that night, and was even more shocked about the amount of alcohol consumed (but nevertheless, very thankful that Levi had stayed away from that).

She also asked Erwin about his plans for after he finished school. Even though he still had a long time to decide, it sounded very much like he wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps and go to college to learn medicine. It felt good to have a big catch up like they used to every Sunday, until Kuchel had to start working more again to cover the ever increasing bills.

Before she had to work more hours, Erwin had been over for dinner every Sunday. He and Levi would sit and do homework together whilst Kuchel made tea. Then they’d all sit around the small table and talk about their plans for after school had finished.

It was about 8 at night by the time they’d eaten, cleaned up and put everything away.

“I better be heading off, it’s school tomorrow and I’m sure my parents will be wondering when I’ll show my face again. Thank you again for dinner, Miss Ackerman. It was delicious. I’ll see you at school tomorrow, Levi?”

“Yeah. Sure.” Levi said, before he shot a worried look to his mum, who then realised that he was already anxious about returning to school after the confrontation with Nile. Making sure Erwin didn’t see it, Kuchel turned back to Erwin who was pulling his shoes on.

“Do you want to stay over tonight, Erwin? I’ll drive you home now to collect your things, chat to your mum. Then I’ll drop you both off at school in the morning.”

“Oh, are you sure? That okay Levi?”

“Whatever. Sure.” Levi replied, his face neutral and moody as always. But he could hear a slight bit of happiness and relief in his voice.

“Right, we’ll be back in about ten minutes Levi.”

The two left the flat, and Levi wandered back to his bedroom and packed his bag for the morning so he didn’t have anything to do when they both would return back later. He was excited to have Erwin stay over.

_Why hadn’t Erwin moved his arm earlier when we were asleep on the sofa? Had he wanted to hug me? And why did he hold me after I showed him my bruises, is it because of guilt? What will Nile do if he finds out Erwin’s stayed over? But he’d always sleep over. Will he think it’s different now? Why is he the only person that’s ever managed to beat me, am I weak again? Shit. What’s going to happen tomorrow? Does everyone know? Shit. Shit. Shit._

Levi’s guard had been down all weekend, since he returned home the night before. The panic began to rise again in his throat. His breathing quickened, and his chest felt so heavy and tight he could barely move. Falling to the floor in his room and collapsing into a ball, he held the back of his neck tightly and slowly began to rock his body backwards and forwards, trying to rock the thoughts out of it.

Nothing was working. His eyes started to get wetter, and his body began to feel heavier.

 _Shit, shit, shit. When were they going to get home?_ He didn’t want Erwin to see him like this, but he didn’t want to go through this alone. All the years Erwin had known him, he’d never heard or seen Levi suffer from a panic attack. He knew he had anxiety: but never seen it take form. The panic got worse, his breathing got even worse. Somehow, through the attack he managed to grab his phone and press emergency contacts, immediately calling the first person at the top of the list.

Kuchel’s phone rang twice before she answered it.

“Levi, you okay? We’re on our way back now.”

He stuttered, words refusing to leave his body. His eyes streamed more as he squeezed them further shut, and he could barely breathe. _I’m going to die._

“Levi? Levi can you hear me? What’s going on? I’m just jumping in the car.”

“P… panic. Hurry.” All his small body could pull out of the tight chest.

“Erwin, you have to talk to Levi. I need to drive quickly, just talk to him about anything. Keep him chatting to you until he seems back to his old self.”

Kuchel threw the phone into Erwin’s hands quickly, before she jumped in her car and began speeding home as quickly as she legally could.

_Two panic attacks in a day, what the hell is going on? Has he stopped his medicine again? It’s not been this bad for ages. What if he’s had more that I don’t know about?_

“Hey, Levi? It’s Erwin. Um. We’re on our way home. I’ve got all my stuff to sleep over. How you doing? Is everything okay?”

Nothing came out of the other end, apart from wheezing and heavy breathing. Erwin instinctively thought to help Levi’s breathing.

“Breathe in, deep. Then let it out.” Levi did as he was instructed.

First, his breaths were staggered: he could barely breathe in properly. However once he repeated this a few times, and Levi began to feel his normal self again. His body slowly began to feel lighter, and his breathing slowed to a nice and steady pace. His eyes stopped watering, and he laid himself onto the floor. Without saying another word, feeling embarrassed, he hung up on the phone call. Leaving Erwin looking lost sat next to Kuchel in her car.

“He okay now? Everything back to normal?”

“Yes, yes I think so. He just, he just hung up on me.”

“Don’t worry, he usually does after a panic attack. I’m not sure if you’ve ever seen his have one. They started when he was a small child, when his Uncle Kenny looked after him for a few years. Don’t really know what Kenny did to him, he’s never talked to me about it. But it must’ve knocked him for six, because it’s affected him so much in his older life. I know there was a fire where he lost some of his best friends, but that isn’t my place to tell.”

Erwin wasn’t sure what to say to that. He was concerned, and worried for Levi. They pulled up to the front door not long after, and Erwin rushed into the room to check on Levi, who was curled up in a ball on his bed, staring out into his room.

Erwin sat down next to him, and placed his hand over Levi’s tentatively, not saying a word. Kuchel brought him a cup of his favourite tea, which Erwin recognised as the one he brought Levi for his birthday the year before. Smiling subtly, Kuchel shut the door behind her and left the two boys in peace.

She quickly text Levi.

20:46 – Levi, can we talk about your panic attacks when you get a chance? Just a bit worried. Mum xxx

 


	6. Cheesy Cinema Snuggles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally cheesy, in the cinema, and some snuggles.

Levi woke up to the sound of his alarm clock ringing the following day. He looked over at the time, which read 6:45 am. He noticed his mums’ text, and brushed it to the side reminding himself to reply later. He wasn’t in the mood for replying to messages like that first thing in a morning. Slowly, he reached other to turn the alarm clock off and check Erwin was okay.

The older boy was asleep on the floor in his sleeping bag, which he was too tall for, so most of his body sat outside of the warmth. His blonde hair was tussled and messed up from sleep, and both his hands rested under his cheek like a little pillow.

Levi kicked him softly with his foot, and when Erwin didn’t stir, he kicked him again but harder.

“Oi, gotta get up. We need to leave for school in 45 minutes.”

Erwin only groaned a little and tried to roll over to get some more sleep.

“Get! Up!” Levi kicked him harder this time, forcing his body to roll over. Erwin struggled with early mornings, he always had.

After the last attempt, Levi decided to give up and walked into the bathroom to take his usual morning shower. He scrubbed hard at his skin for a good three minutes, ensuring he was as clean as possible, and then climbed out and put his school uniform on. Black trousers, a burgundy blazer, white shirt, and a black tie. He combed his hair through in the mirror, before heading back to the bedroom to check on Erwin and tidy up before school.

When he went in, Erwin had already folded up the sleeping back neatly and put it away, and Levi’s bed had been made perfectly. Trying to keep his usual stoic face, Levi simply looked and said.

“The bathroom is free now.”

“Thank you, Levi. I’ll get ready quickly.”

Erwin smiled and headed past Levi to the bathroom, locking it shut behind him. Quickly, Levi inspected Erwin’s work – there was nothing to fault in his tidying, and decided to head back to the kitchen to eat breakfast with his mum.

Once the two boys had eaten, got their lunches, brushed their teeth, and had their shoes on, Kuchel drove them both to school. They arrived at 7:45, 15 minutes before the school bell would ring for them to go to registration.

Luckily, no one saw Erwin and Levi get out of the same car together, so they were safe from Nile’s keen eye for now. It was when they approached form room, and the whole group of them was sat at the table, that Levi’s heart started to beat a bit quicker. Before they walked in, Erwin gave him a supportive and comforting squeeze on the shoulder.

“Don’t worry. If they say anything, I’ll protect you.”

Levi tch’d and headed inside, secretly grateful for the moral support.

“Morning guys!” Called Hange, who as always was too chirpy for this time in the morning.

Their announcement caused all the other friends to look up at Levi and Erwin. Levi was waiting for the jokes, for the comments about the party the weekend before, the questions about the bruises and cuts on his face. But he got none of it. All he got from everyone was a polite hello and a “how you doing?” or even more basic questions about homework. Levi looked up at Erwin, a confused expression on his face.

“You better not have said anything to fucking Nile.”

“I promise I haven’t, maybe people have just forgotten. I mean everyone did have a lot to drink.”

“Okay.”

Carrying on looking around the room, he noticed that Nile wasn’t there today. Part of him felt relieved, but part concerned. Had someone else said something to Nile? No one else knew properly if Levi liked Erwin, so no one should really feel the need to defend him so much. But still, the absence made him feel very uncomfortable.

The bell rang and Levi sat in his seat next to Petra, who shot him a very happy smile. He glared back at her, before turning around and facing the teacher. After the twenty minutes registration, everyone went their separate ways to classes.

Hange, Petra and Levi all had social sciences together, so they headed off to the humanities block in the school. Hange and Petra kept bubbling on about something they did on Sunday, and would not shut up talking about how hung over they were. It was the friendship group’s first party with real alcohol, so Levi sort of understood why it was such a big thing. But still, it was annoying.

Marie had a separate class from everyone else, since she was doing textiles, so went off to the art block in the school. That left Mike and Erwin together, who slowly walked to maths.

“How’s Levi doing?” Mike asked, after a while.

“He’s better now, yeah. On Sunday I think he was just extremely tired, and ended up sleeping for most of the day. After tea, he seemed a bit brighter. And this morning he was completely back to normal.”

“This morning?” Mike raised his eyebrows.

Mike and Erwin had been good friends since they were in nursey together. And Mike could definitely tell when Erwin fancied someone, which is why he’d told Mike about his crush on Levi a few months ago. Erwin trusted Mike to keep it a secret, and so far he had. It was nice to have the moral support and someone to talk to about things, especially at times like now.

“Miss Ackerman asked me to stay over. I think she was worried about him. I’m guessing she doesn’t know the real reason Levi got hit by Nile, otherwise I doubt I’d have been allowed there. Nothing came from the night though, Mike, if that’s what you’re suggesting.”

“I’m not suggesting anything. Just glad the kid’s okay.” Mike said.

After a few more steps in silence, Erwin turned to Mike.

“Any idea where Nile is today? I thought he’d want to show his face after a clearly successful weekend with Marie.”

Mike chuckled to himself which was never a good sign.

“I think I’ve scared him off a bit. Warned him to not go near Levi again or something bad would happen.”

Erwin’s hand subconsciously landed on his forehead. The one thing Levi didn’t want to happen just happened. Someone protected him from Nile – and even more annoying, they didn’t even ask Levi if that was okay to do. Mike was obviously trying to do the good thing, but they had to keep that from Levi from finding out.

“Thanks, Mike. But whatever happens, don’t let Levi find out you did that. I offered and he kicked off. He didn’t want anything saying to Nile.”

“Okay, okay. Fair enough. I just can’t stand to see such closed minded people, especially to someone I actually think is a decent person. Didn’t think Nile could even be like that, to be honest”

The two approached the classroom, and entered. Throughout the lesson, everyone was talking about nothing but the dance the weekend before. It seemed like a lot of people had parties afterwards involving alcohol, and there seemed to be a lot of match making and couples coming from the weekend before.

No one in other classes asked anything about Levi’s scars or bruises on his face. He was quiet enough at school, always looked grim or moody so no one dared to approach him. He sat between Hange and Petra, who wouldn’t stop talking to each other through the whole lesson. For the second half, they swapped seats with Petra so she and Hange could continue talking without Levi being the lettuce in the middle.

Lunch time came round soon enough, and Levi couldn’t wait to see Erwin again just so he could talk normally and feel completely relaxed again. Whilst Hange was definitely his other best friend, and whilst he really got on with Petra, he never could feel totally comfortable about them. And Erwin couldn’t wait to see Levi, either. His thoughts throughout the whole of maths just constantly floated back to the boy who he’d spent that whole weekend with. He couldn’t stop thinking about their kiss, about the blush, about everything. A small smile leaked onto his face when he thought about Levi curled up in his lap on Sunday afternoon, and when he fell asleep on him.

He wanted to hold him again like he had the day before when he found the bruises. He wanted to stoke his arm as they laid together, he wanted to be there for him whenever he suffered another panic attack. Erwin was falling even harder for Levi as each day passed by.

*****

The first few days of school seemed to fly by. Nile eventually decided to show his face on Wednesday, and as soon as he saw Levi he just glared at him, shooting his dirtiest look he could find. Levi just looked away from him, keeping his moody expression as moody as he could and as disinterested as possible. He wanted to show Nile that he hadn’t affected him at all, and clearly it was working.

On Wednesday Lunch Time, Levi, Erwin, Hange, Petra, Mike and Mike’s new friend Nanaba all sat around the table together. Marie and Nile had decided to go and eat outside since the sun was shining, but the rest wanted to enjoy a hot meal in the canteen.

“You guys all busy tonight? You want to go to the cinema?” Hange asked the group.

“Oh yeah, that sounds lovely!” Replied Petra excitedly leaning into Hange a little bit too closely.

“Yes, I think that would be a good midweek break. I’m definitely up for that.” Erwin chipped in.

“Me and Nanaba are actually out tonight, going for tea at some little restaurant in the centre. But thanks for the invite, Hange. Maybe next time.” Mike apologetically replied. But Hange got the hint, and so did everyone at the table. Mike had his eye on Nanaba for a few months, but only finally managed to speak to her at the dance. This was going to be their first date, so instead of teasing and joking, everyone left the comment there.

“Levi? You coming?” Hange asked, staring at the boy face hopeful.

Levi leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. His stomach bruises were getting a little bit better now, so pressure was okay to be put on them. He looked disinterested, and clearly was not up for doing to the cinema. Until he piped up.

“Fine. If you’re all going, I’ll come. But I’m not seeing something shitty.”

Hange laughed, “Well I’ll pick the film and surprise you all once we’re there.”

Petra joked, “it’s definitely not going to be good if you pick it Hange, let me pick.”

Hange mocked an upset face, but agreed to let Petra pick it. To be honest, Hange did usually go for the odd sci-fi film that no one else would want to see. Petra was likely to pick the most popular film at the minute, so everyone would enjoy it.

“Well, it’s a group date! We’ll meet at the picture house at 7 tonight. See you all there!”

The bell rang as Hange announced the time, and the group dispersed to their lessons.

Levi was thankful that no one brought up the past weekend. Perhaps they had actually forgotten, and that all the previous embarrassment was unnecessary. A trip out to the cinema with his friends was exactly what he needed. And for once, he didn’t feel nervous or anxious about going out with them all. He was actually excited – especially since the two people he definitely wanted to avoid wouldn’t be going.

*****

When he got home after school, he told Kuchel that he was going to the cinema with his friends. Then she began to do the usual quiz of: which friends? Is Erwin going? How are you getting home after? What are you seeing? To which he answered, as always: the usual, yes, walking, no idea.

He then rushed to his room to get ready. Levi took off his school uniform neatly and folded it up ready for the next day, placing it on his chair by his desk. He picked out his usual green jumper and black skinny jeans, before grabbing his wallet and phone and leaving the house.

Before he left, he made sure to go to the kitchen and plant a kiss on Kuchel’s cheek. Whilst he most definitely was not an affectionate person, he always knew how much his mum worried and that made him worry, so he tried to stop that by showing small signs that he loved her every now and again.

Erwin was stood on the street corner as he said he would be, at the right time, waiting for Levi to approach. Earlier that day Erwin offered to meet Levi near his house, partly because he was worried about him being alone after he heard a panic attack over the phone less than a week ago, and partly because he wanted to spend more time with him.

“Hey, Levi. You already? Got some sweets and a drink?”

“Hey. No. I don’t bring them to the cinema, too messy and too noisy. I like to be able to hear the film.”

Erwin smiled at this. Such a Levi thing to say.

“Ah well, I’ve brought two bottles of water and a packet of fruit gums. The least noisy things I could find. We can share.”

“Thanks.”

The two walked together to the cinema, which was a twenty minute walk from Levi’s house. Erwin had already walked from this side of town especially to meet the younger boy at his house, and the thought of that made Levi’s heart skip a few beats.

Erwin hadn’t managed to get a chance to talk to Levi about the kiss yet, their feelings, or the panic attack. He felt like Levi might need a bit of space after such a stressful weekend before. He was also worried if something was going to happen at school, but so far it was safe.

They were so engrossed in conversation neither of them seemed to realise when they reached the cinema until they heard their names being called by Hange and Petra.

“Hey guys, we’re here! Petra’s decided on the film she wants to see!”

“Hey, you two. You got here quick!” Erwin announced, a smile across his face.

_He looks so cute and goofy when he smiles like that._

 “Yeah, my mum dropped us off on her way to meet her new boyfriend.” Petra said.

“We going inside or what then?” Levi was beginning to feel the coolness of the air. He forgot his jacket, and only had his jumper on.

The four then headed through the doors and bought tickets for a new rom com film, sitting on the back row of the cinema. Levi sat on the end next to Erwin, who kept offering sweets and water throughout the entire film. Eventually, Levi gave in and accepted the offer, munching away happily at the fruit gums.

At one point he swore he could see Hange and Petra share a small kiss, but he wasn’t sure if the film was playing tricks on him or not, seeing as it was all romantic and what not. He also swore Erwin’s hand pressed against his numerous times, and that their thigh touching was not accidental. But he tried not to think about it, the last thing Levi needed right now was a repeat of the weekend before, and a repeat panic attack at the thought of being kicked in the stomach, or a repeat of what had happened at the party.

He tried to change his thoughts quickly, and focussed on the film and nothing else. He was so distracted he didn’t notice when Erwin’s large hand reached down and intertwined his fingers with Levi’s, or when he started to rub his thumb along the back of his hand.

Coming to the realisation of what had just happened, Levi turned his head and looked up at Erwin, who was also looking at him right in the eyes. They stared at each other for a good few seconds before the end credits of the film rolled on screen and Hange stood up immediately, drawing their gazes back to them. As if trying to cover evidence, Levi pulled his hand away from Erwin’s grasp quickly.

“Well, good choice Petra. A bit anyway. Not quite my usual scientific film, but good enough!” They announced loud enough for the whole cinema to hear. Levi cringed in his seat.

“Well, my dear, shall I walk you home?” Hange directed this question at the small girl who was originally sat next to them.

“My dear? You two a thing?” Levi asked.

“Something like that” Hange replied, a smirk on their face. Petra turned bright red.

“I knew you kissed” Levi grumbled.

“Congratulations, you two. That’s wonderful.” Erwin said, seemingly genuinely happy for the couple.

“Yes well, you’re not far off now, hey Erwin.” Hange winked, and then suddenly Erwin went bright red.

_Are they talking about us? Did they see Erwin holding my hand? Shit. What if Nile finds out, I’m fucked. Again._

Levi focussed on reading the water bottle label in his hand, pretending to not hear Hange’s previous comment. If he didn’t hear it, then they didn’t notice, and what happened can stay a secret. _Nile won’t find out. No one at school will know. It’s fine. It’s all okay._

Noting Levi staring down, Petra piped up. “Hey Levi, you okay?” causing all three to turn to look at the small boy.

Levi quickly snapped out of his trance. “Fine. We leaving?”

“Yes, okay, okay. Come on Petra.” Hange held out their hand, and Petra took it gratefully. The two trotted down the stairs before turning around and calling out that they’d see them at school tomorrow. The cinema was almost empty by then, and all that was left was Levi and Erwin sat on the back row together. Levi’s heart began to pound a little quicker. Noticing Levi’s uncomfortable demeanour, Erwin decided it might be best to say something on the matter.

“Don’t worry Levi. Hange and Petra won’t say anything.”

“Why did you do that? Why did you hold my hand?”

“Because it felt right, and I wanted to. I really wanted to. Levi, I just” Erwin paused, thinking about the best way to say this. “I just really like you. Like, like like you. If you know what I mean.”

_What? He likes me?_

“Yeah course I know what that means, Jesus.” He rolled his eyes, trying to cover up the fact his heart was beating so quickly in his chest.

“Well, that’s why I wanted to hold your hand. I hope that is okay with you.”

 _Shit_ , Levi thought, _he actually likes me._

“Tch. Do you just like me cos of what happened at the party?”

Whenever Levi felt vulnerable, or was too nervous to say his feelings, he always came across as rude or defensive and always jumped to conclusions which clearly weren’t going to be true, but it was his own way of protecting himself.

Levi looked away, cringing at the memory of it. He didn’t think Erwin would know he liked him, but thinking back at it, he couldn’t have made it any less obvious.

“No! No Levi, of course not. Look, we can talk about this on the way home. The cinema staff are probably waiting to clean the screen now and it’s almost 11. I’ll walk you home.”

“You don’t have to. I can walk by myself.” Keeping his defence up is the only way Levi knows to avoid being vulnerable in situations like this, and Erwin knew this which is why he didn’t try argue back. He was going to walk him home whether he liked it or not.

*****

The air outside was crisp and cold by the time they left the building, and after walking for a few minutes Erwin could literally hear Levi’s teeth chattering.

Without saying a word, the big coat flung off the shoulders of Erwin and wrapped its way around Levi, engulfing him in a thick black jacket.

It was warm, and it had the subtle scent of Erwin’s cologne and natural sweet scent. Levi tucked himself further into it and breathed in the scent quietly, ensuring Erwin wouldn’t notice. Then, feeling like he’d got enough out of it he wanted, he told Erwin to have it back.

“Shit you’ll be freezing, Erwin. Take the jacket back.”

“No, I’m fine Levi. Honestly. I’m actually quite warm – I’ve got a t-shirt on under my jumper, and a vest under that. It’s fine.”

“Why so many layers?”

“I like to be wrapped up as snuggly as I can be. And I had a feeling I’d be walking a bit tonight, so I decided to wrap up extra warm.” Erwin looked down at Levi and smiled, his big goofy smile. Levi turned his lips up slightly and looked back at Erwin.

 _Damn. He’s so cute_.

The two didn’t decide to talk about what they were planning to in the cinema. Instead, they just talked about generic school things and their plans for the weekend coming up. Before they knew it, they were outside Levi’s flat.

“Here you are, safely at your door.”

“Do you want a lift home or something?” Levi asked, feeling concerned about the time and how dark it had gotten.

“No it’s fine, I don’t mind walking. It’s not too far anyway.”

“I’ll ask mum.” Levi began to turn around, before Erwin grabbed the side of his arm and spun him back to face him. Within a second, Levi’s petite body was wrapped in Erwin’s arms, looking up at those glistening blue eyes.

For a second, they looked at each other like they had in the cinema earlier that evening. Then suddenly, without a seconds thought, the gap was closed and the two pressed their lips firmly together. Gently, Erwin’s mouth parted slightly and Levi followed the lead, tongues gliding together before pulling away after a few minutes.

A deep blush had taken over Levi’s entire face, and his nose had turned bright pink. Erwin looked down at Levi and gave him a huge smile. This time, Levi properly smiled back at Erwin and then collapsed against the large body into a tight hug.

He was so grateful that Erwin knew he liked him back: Levi was never good or comfortable with words, so the fact he’d known his best friend for years made communication easier and Erwin could read situations like this and how Levi was feeling so well.

“I’ll ask for you a lift home, come up for a second.”

The two ran up the back stairs to Levi’s door, and opened it up. Kuchel was sat in her pyjamas watching late night TV when she heard the door open.

“Oh, Levi! You’re back.” Her voiced sounded mock-surprised.

“Uh, yeah. Can you run Erwin home please? He walked me back cos it was late.”

“Oh yes, of course. Let me grab my coat and keys. I’ll see you boys at the car.”

Kuchel winked at Levi then, who just shot her a confused look. _What the hell is she going on about?_

Erwin who was waiting patiently on the top step turned around as Levi walked to him and headed down the stairs.

“We’re dropping you off.”

“Thank you, Levi.”

Levi shrugged, clearing accepting his thanks. He was still too shocked at the idea that Erwin actually fancied him back to react or talk properly. The two headed to Kuchel’s old car, and quickly stole another kiss before they heard the front door shut. Trying to act like nothing was going on, they pretended to be in a conversation about the film they’d just seen.

Once all three were in the car, Levi’s mum began to ask them about the film too.

“Who was it you went with again, Hange and Petra?”

“Yeah. Turns out they’re a thing now.” Levi replied.

“Oh really? That’s lovely. Seems like everyone at your school is slowly getting into relationships now.” Kuchel did that look again that she did in the flat, making Levi shuffle in his seat and feel slightly uncomfortable.

“What with Marie and Nile as well, and Mike and Nanaba. You two will find someone soon too! You’re all growing up so quickly. I can’t believe how little you have left of school.”

Erwin glanced at Levi, who then glanced back at Erwin. They had their little secret together for now, and that felt nice. It felt really nice.

They pulled up at Erwin’s drive, who then thanked everyone for the lift and climbed out of the back seat of the car when Levi pulled his seat forward. Once it was cleared, he climbed back in the front and sat next to his mum.

They drove in silence for a few minutes before Kuchel decided it was time to speak.

“Be careful, Levi. I’m happy for you, but please be careful.”

“I don’t know what you’re on about, mum.” Levi glared out of the window, resting his chin in his hand.

“You and Erwin. Don’t pretend, I saw you both having a little smooch outside the flat. It’s lovely; of all the people, he’s perfect for you and you’ve clearly fancied him for a while now. But just be careful, what with people like Nile-“

“Mum you don’t even have to say it.” Levi interrupted, “and please don’t say smooch. That makes me cringe.”

She laughed to herself, before dropping her smile and looking at her son.

“Did you get my text on Sunday night? You never replied.”

“Yes mum. Not now, please.”

And then they pulled up back at home, Levi thanking her and quickly heading straight to the shower.

After scrubbing himself and following his strict night routine, he climbed into bed and snuggled up to the jacket Erwin had left him. Only when he got into the shower did he realise he was still wearing it, so it was clearly very obvious to his mum they were together, never mind the fact she saw the kiss.

Pulling it tight to his body, he breathed in the luscious scent of Erwin Smith, and fell asleep peacefully dreaming about their first proper, unforced kiss.


	7. The Smiths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are introduced to The Smiths.

Levi woke up to several texts from Erwin the day after.

6:32: Morning Levi, hope you slept well. X

6:45: I’m already ready for school. Couldn’t sleep very well last night, seemed my heart was beating a bit quickly and my thoughts wouldn’t drift from you. X

6:50: I’m going to head to yours. Got a surprise for you. See you soon. X

 _Shit_ , Levi thought, _if he set off then he’ll be here soon, and I’ve slept in_. _And Jesus, how cheesy could he be?_

Quickly, he jumped out of his bed and made it. Grabbing his school uniform, Levi headed to the bathroom and jumped in the shower quickly. By 7 he was dressed, showered, and his hair was combed into position. As he was packing his bag for school, there was a knock at the door.

“I’ll get it Levi, could you pop the kettle on for our breakfast?” Kuchel asked her son.

“Yeah.” And Levi did as he was told, walking over to their battered kettle and adding some water. Before switching it on, he heard Erwin come in through their front door.

“Good morning Kuchel, good morning Levi. I come bearing breakfast.” Erwin announced, a massive grin plastered on his face. The bag he was carrying smelt amazing – fresh baked goods, clearly, that Erwin must have picked up on his way over here.

“Oh Erwin sweetie, you didn’t have to do that.”

“That’s okay, I just wanted to say thank you for the lift home last night. I am aware that it was late at night, and I just felt a bit guilty about it. So this is my thanks.”

“You made sure my son got home safely, so I’m the one who should be thanking you.”

Levi, having enough of their backwards and forwards thanks went up to Erwin and took the bag out of his hands. He peeked inside, and saw six fresh croissants, a range of different fruits – apples, strawberries, raspberries. There was a flask of freshly ground coffee, and a small box of tea right at the bottom. It was from the French bakery at the top end of town, and it most definitely wouldn’t have been cheap.

Levi put the bag on the table and smiled at Erwin, who gave him a grin back. They looked at each other for a few seconds before Kuchel broke the silence.

“I’m just going to get my make up on before breakfast. You two get started.” On her way to her room, she patted Levi’s shoulder and passed him a cheeky looking smile. Levi grimaced.

Once Kuchel was out of the room, Erwin walked over to Levi and took him in his arms, planting a kiss on his lips. Levi accepted and kissed him back quickly, before pulling away and sitting down at the table.

“I’m starving.”

“Me too. Shall I go grab the mugs to pour the tea and coffee into?”

Levi nodded, half way through a bite of the croissant. It was soft and buttery on his lips, and practically melted away into his mouth. Kuchel could never afford such luxurious food, so whenever he had the chance to try it, he took it instantly.

Whenever Levi went for tea at Erwin’s, he did the same thing. Mrs Smith would always cook the most extravagant meals and Levi absolutely loved them. It was nice to have such a treat for once.

Erwin was from quite a well off family, and had breakfasts like this all the time. His father was a lecturer at a top University, and his mother a vet. They were the perfect cereal box family: dad, mum, son, and daughter. Erwin never spoke much of his older sister as she moved away a long time ago. Levi remembered Erwin being heartbroken when she moved, but apparently she’s now a lawyer in London, so it can’t be all that bad for her.

On birthdays and Christmas, she always sends Erwin a box filled with things like chocolate, designer clothes, new hair products. She always manages to keep up to date with Erwin’s life too, despite being so far away. It was one of the things that made him relax a bit more when she did originally move.

Erwin returned to the table carrying three mugs just as Levi had finished off his croissant.

“So Levi, I think we need to talk about last night. And today. And just us in general. Are you okay with that?”

Levi felt a sick feeling forming in his stomach. “What is there to talk about?”

“Just, well, are we letting people at school know about us?”

“Wait. What is us exactly? Are we putting a shitty label on it?”

“Well, yes. I was hoping to make you my boyfriend, Levi.”

Levi felt his heart jump a bit. In all these years he’d known his best friend, he never thought he’d hear Erwin asking him to be his boyfriend or putting a name on it like that. He didn’t even think Erwin was into boys. Levi realised he was gay years ago, but just never told anyone. He couldn’t be bothered with the hassle of ‘coming out’ to people. He was hoping to just come home with a boyfriend one day and leave it at that.

But Erwin had never suggested he was gay: throughout the years Levi had known him, Erwin had dated a few girls. Some when he was only about 12 so they didn’t really count, and then he dated Marie for a year in freshman year. He didn’t realise that he might like boys too. The kiss last night, the way he is being today, it just felt surreal to Levi. He wasn’t used to people being like this with him.

“Only if that’s okay, Levi.”

Erwin could clearly see Levi’s brain ticking, and the panic that had flushed over his face. Quickly, Levi drew his eyes up from the empty plate to Erwin’s face. Instead of answering the suggestion straight away, Levi jumped straight to the ground rules.

“We can’t tell anyone at school.”

“Yes, okay.”

“We can’t let anyone find out. Convince Hange and Petra we’re not together.”

“That’s fine, should be easy enough.”

“Nile cannot find out.”

Erwin looked down at Levi. The scars from the fight were still very prominent on his face, although the black and blue had begun to fade slightly now. Clearly the scars ran a lot deeper than just on skin, and Erwin wanted to respect that and protect Levi from suffering from it again.

“Of course, Levi.” Erwin smiled at him softly, “Does this mean you’ll be my boyfriend then?”

Erwin reached his hand out to stroke Levi’s. The smaller man shrugged, trying to hide his happiness and his excitement.

“Sure.” Was all that slipped out of his mouth, and Erwin beamed at him. Clearly he didn’t want to hide his excitement. Levi was just completely lost as to why Erwin had suddenly decided to admit all these feelings to him, and why he’d suddenly decided to make him his boyfriend.

Suddenly the bedroom door opened, and Erwin pulled his hand away from Levi’s quickly, grabbing a croissant from the bag. Levi also took another one out.

Kuchel sat herself at the table next to Levi, and began to plate up her breakfast and pour a cup of coffee. She looked at Levi, eyebrows raised and a very secret smile on her face. She was so happy for her son, finally, getting the happiness he deserves. But Kuchel definitely didn’t want him to know that she’d just heard their entire conversation, so continued as though she hadn’t.

“It’s been so long since we’ve enjoyed a breakfast like this, hasn’t it Levi? Probably since you lived with Kenny, Farlan and Isabel. How many years ago was that?”

Levi squirmed in his seat. He did not want to bring up his past life in front of Erwin. Before Levi moved back in with his mother, he had to live with his Uncle Kenny from the ages of four to eight. Kuchel was suffering with a drinking problem at this time after Levi’s dad died, and he had to go live away whilst she recovered. Levi never really understood at the time, but as he grew older, he began to understand more and more.

And as he became much older, more and more memories about his time with Kenny fluttered to the front of his mind. It made him shudder. Whilst it was fun, a lot of bad stuff happened when he lived there. Stuff that scarred him, and he was still terrified of to this point.

“Yeah.” He replied to his mum bluntly.

Erwin briefly remembered Levi’s mum mentioning something about his Uncle when he was talking him through the panic attack on the phone. He clearly could sense that Levi was feeling slightly uncomfortable about talking about it, so decided to try and change the subject from the breakfast.

“Are you working today then, Miss Ackerman?”

“Yes, unfortunately. It’s a long shift too. 11 this morning til about 10 this evening. I had to take the extra hours.”

Levi looked down and started playing with his food.

“I see. Hopefully it’ll pass by quickly. Levi, what’s your plan after school then?”

“Home. Cook a ready meal probably.” Levi replied bluntly. His mind was drifting off to his past life before he lived back with his mum. Erwin noticed this.

“Would you like to come to my house for dinner? I’m sure my mum won’t mind. It’s curry night tonight too.”

“Oh Levi that sounds lovely, and I can pick you up on my way home after work.”

Clearly Levi didn’t have much say in the decision, and looked up at Erwin, then his mum, then back at Erwin.

“Sure. Thanks.” He said, before he finished the last bite of his croissant and headed to the bathroom, downing his cup of tea on the way. When the door shut, they could hear him brushing his teeth.

“Thank you for taking care of my son, Erwin.”

Erwin merely smiled at Kuchel, before eating the rest of his fruit and finishing his coffee. Once Levi returned from the bathroom, the two boys set off for school together. They walked with a fair space between them to avoid suspicions from other students. Nile noticed them walking together through the park, and glared as they both entered the form room together twenty minutes later.

Mike walked over to the two boys.

“Hey guys, how was the film? Seemed Hange and Petra enjoyed it.” He pointed to them both, sat in the corner holding hands. Erwin smiled.

“Yes they definitely seemed to. It was a good film. How was your date?”

Levi shuffled behind Erwin uncomfortably. He could feel Nile looking at them both, and was getting agitated. _What’s his problem with me anyway? Just cos I’m not a rich bastard from their side of town. He doesn’t even know I’m gay, I don’t get it._

“The date was great. Me and Nanaba went out for some food, then she came back to mine and watched a film. Even got a bit of a kiss too.” Mike joked, winking at his friend.

“Hey Levi, you okay?” Erwin said, looking down at Levi noticing that he was a bit distant.

Levi’s fear of Nile slowly dissipated and turned to anger. Angry that he dared to look at him. Angry that he struck him when he was weak. Angry that he didn’t get to fight Nile off. Angry that he didn’t win their fight.

“Nile won’t stop fucking staring at me.” And with that, the smaller boy walked over to Nile who was sat next to Marie at the table.

“Oh Levi, hi! I’ve not spoken to you properly since the party.” Marie exclaimed.

“What’s your boyfriends fucking problem?”

“What do you mean, Nile doesn’t have a problem with you?” She said, clearly trying to pretend their fight never happened. Levi was still angry that she never came to help him after her boyfriend knocked him to the floor.

Nile started laughing to himself.

“Hey Levi, I don’t have a problem. You’re my buddy. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” And with the statement, Nile mock punched Levi, who then retaliated and punched Nile square in the jaw knocking him backwards off his chair.

The entire room fell silent and stared at the two boys in awe.

“Shit” Hange whispered as they got up and walked over to Levi. They tried to grab his arm to guide him out of the room as Nile stood up and walked up to Levi, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and pinning him against the wall.

Levi held his arms out to the side as if to surrender, and by this point Erwin and Mike had both walked to Nile and grabbed his arms, pulling him away from Levi causing the smaller boy to relax a bit and collapse to the floor.

“What the fuck Nile?” Marie called out to him.

“You fucking saw what he did! Wait til my dad hears about you, Levi. I was going to try to be nice to you, I was going to try and pretend that I was friends with a freak like you. Fuck that.”

Levi looked up at him through his fringe and gave a menacing glare: a terrifying look that Erwin had never seen before, and sent shudders down his spine.

 _Shit_ , Levi said to himself quietly under his breath, _it’s like before_. _Kenny’s gonna fucking kill me again. I’ve gotta hide._

“What was that Levi? Are you okay? Who’s Kenny?” Hange asked, looking him directly in the eyes, their hands on either shoulder.

Without answering Levi left the room and ran out. He ran to the far end of the school where there was an old loft trap door. Climbing up, he threw himself through it and crawled until he found the second trap door. Climbing slowly through that, he emerged onto the roof of the school building, 6 stories high.

He went to sit on the edge, legs dangling over. Gazing out onto the playing fields around him, he took a deep breath in trying to calm himself. Thoughts of Farlan and Isabel filled his head, and his hands reached up to grab his temples, squeezing his hair and closing his eyes. The memories floated about of the three in the streets, playing. The three of them learning to defend themselves with Kenny. Kenny sending the three of them to steal and fight. Flames.

“Shit. Get out of my head. Not now. Not here.”

But they wouldn’t go. They kept there, repeating his childhood: playing with them in the streets, being chased by other children. Fire. Flames as red as Isabel’s hair.

“Shit, go away. Fuck off!” Levi practically shouted now, squeezing his hair as tight as he could, closing his eyes as constricted as they’d go.

Immediately panic struck him. He pushed himself away from the edge of the building and gripped onto his stomach, curling up into a ball on the centre of the roof. His breathing became laboured, staggered. His eyes squeezed shut. All he could see in his mind was Isabel and fire. He let out a small groan.

It hadn’t been this bad for a while, his panic attacks. They were bad right at the beginning when Levi moved home. They were terrible at the start of school: at least three or four a week, then Kuchel made him go to therapy and take medication which helped a lot. But recently, he thought he was better so he stopped doing both, without his mother’s consent.

The door on the roof flew open then, and both Hange and Erwin walked onto the roof to find Levi.

“Shit” Erwin shouted, as he ran over to Levi’s small body laid on the roof. He tried to put a hand on him to calm him down, but Levi whacked it away and curled back into the ball.

Hange came to kneel beside them both, and began to speak to Levi.

“Take a deep breath in Levi, and then let it go. Do it three times. Erwin, keep talking to him about something.”

Levi tried to take in the breaths, but they were broken and he kept shuddering. Erwin kept trying to talk to him about anything and everything: the film last night, the games they played when they were younger. He tried to give him something to focus on.

After a while, the breathing techniques had worked and Levi slowly became himself again, calming himself down. He wiped his eyes harshly and vigorously.

“Fuck” was all he could muster, and he quickly stood up and walked to the edge of the building again. Erwin quickly ran over to him.

“What are you doing Levi?!” He called out, panic in his voice.

“I’m not gonna jump if that’s why you’re worried.” Was all Levi could reply with, and then he turned around to face the two who had just helped him, realising he probably wouldn’t have coped well if they weren’t there for him.

“Thanks,” he paused, “and sorry you had to see that.”

Erwin came over to Levi and put a hand on his shoulder, then Hange ran over and gave him a hug.

“Levi I didn’t know you suffered with panic attacks! I could have helped you. My mum gets them from time to time, I know how to look after you!” Hange reported.

“I’m fine. I can look after myself.”

“Clearly.” Hange gave him a very soft and gentle smile.

The bell rang, and suddenly Hange jumped in their spot. “I’m going to rush off, it’s double science now. You sure you’ll be okay, Levi?”

Levi nodded, looking down at the roof in his usual stoic manner.

“Okay. You coming, Erwin?”

“I’ll be there in five minutes. I’ve never been up here, and think I need a bit of air before maths.”

Hange merely smiled at him, and climbed back down the secret door Levi had discovered last year. Students weren’t meant to know about it, but Levi found it when looking for a place to escape when he was fed up with everyone at school. He then showed it to Erwin one lunch time, when he failed a test and was feeling completely down about it. Sitting up on the roof gazing out across the school grounds was actually quite therapeutic.

That’s probably how Erwin and Hange knew where to look for Levi.

Erwin sat down on the roof, and Levi followed manner, sitting down very closely next to him.

“Sorry Erwin.” Was all he could whisper, nervous voice shaking slightly. Everything had just come back to him. He was going to be in so much trouble when he decided to go back down.

“You don’t need to apologise. Nile can be a dick. I’m not sure why he has it in for you so much. He won’t tell anyone you hit him, he’ll be worried you’ll say about the other night and he’ll get in trouble with his dad. Don’t worry.”

Erwin smiled at Levi, and then wrapped his arm around his back to pull him into a hug. Levi would usually push away, but he fell into Erwin’s body and accepted the hug happily. It was what he needed when he felt so worn out.

“Can we go home?” Levi mumbled into Erwin’s chest as they sat cuddling.

“Yeah. We missed registration anyway, so no one knew we were even here today, teachers anyway. Give it five minutes and when everyone’s in lesson we’ll sneak off.”

“Thanks”

Levi pulled himself closer to Erwin and breathed in his sweet scent. It made him feel relaxed: at ease. Erwin meant more to him than he’d ever know. After another fifteen minutes, the two boys released from their hug and headed back downstairs, taking the quick way out of school and heading to Erwin’s house.

*****

Half an hour later they arrived at the Smith household. It was large, white, and had a double front door situated right in the centre. The front gardens surrounding it were full and completely in bloom, despite the fact it was approaching autumn. A grey BMW sat in the driveway, and a light was on in the office room upstairs.

“Seems like mum’s home, is that okay Levi?”

He shrugged, a bit tired after the eventful morning.

“Yeah. But won’t she wonder why we’re skiving?”

He didn’t think of that – it wasn’t going to be easy to try and find a reason as to why they both took the day off school, but he was sure he’d be able to make something up.

“Should be okay.”

The two boys walked up the driveway to the front door and Erwin unlocked it, throwing his bag off his shoulder and hanging it on the coat stand next to the door. Levi followed suit, and the two removed their shoes and blazers, hanging them up together.

“Who’s that?” Mrs Smith shouted down the stairs, as she came round from the top of the bannister and wandered down only to see her son and Levi stood in the doorway.

“Oh, hi Erwin darling, hello Levi. Aren’t you both supposed to be at school?”

“Hi mum, and yeah but…” Erwin’s voice trailed off, he was struggling to think of a good enough excuse that, if it got back to his dad, his father wouldn’t mind. Levi quickly interrupted.

“We have a science project together, and since we have a full day of science they sent us home to start the project.”

“Ah I see. But didn’t you have maths this morning, Erwin?”

She looked at the two boys quizzically. She knew they were lying, but just wanted enough of a story that if Mr Smith asked about it, she’d be able to cover for them both.

Both Mrs Smith and Miss Ackerman were very close and good friends, so she knew a lot about Levi and his past life. Because of this, she always sympathised with him and would help him out as often as she could. Of course, the boy himself was never aware of this. If he was, he’d probably never go round out of embarrassment.

“Maths and science swapped days so we have more time to work on the project, that’s all. We’ll head to my room now if that’s okay mum.”

Erwin reached his hand out to Levi, but realising where he was, quickly made it look as though he was just trying to grab his folder from his school bag.

“Yes sure, boys. I’ll bring you both some lunch at twelve, then I have a meeting this afternoon for a few hours.”

“Oh yes mum that reminds me, could Levi stay for tea tonight too?”

“Yes of course he can. Is Kuchel working, Levi?”

“Yeah, til 10 I think.”

She just smiled at him sadly. It was clear she really felt for the Ackerman family: times were tough for them, especially with the shifts Kuchel had to work. It was as though she hardly got to spend time with her son.

The two boys headed up the stairs then, passing Mrs Smith on the way. Erwin led Levi round the corridor, through another smaller corridor off the central one, and to his room at the end.

Erwin’s bedroom was bigger than Levi’s entire flat. He had a king size double bed, a desk area filled with books and folders. An entire wall was a book case, and off that he had a walk in wardrobe and his own bathroom. Towards the left of his room was a sofa and a chair: Erwin’s own private sitting room. Levi couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealously whenever he came over, but he usually ignored it.

As soon as the door was shut, Levi decided to speak.

“So much for being able to come up with an excuse.”

Erwin chuckled, “yeah sorry Levi, I didn’t expect her to be waiting for us the second we’d step through the door. I thought we’d be able to come up here and plan a bit first.”

“Good job you’ve got me then, isn’t it?” Levi joked, sitting down on the sofa. He crossed his legs and pulled them into himself. Erwin came and sat down next to him, wrapping his arm around the smaller ones body.

“How are you feeling now?” He asked, genuinely concerned about Levi’s performance that morning.

“Fine, I guess. Nile just pisses me off. I thought he was trying to punch me this morning.”

“I’m not surprised after the other day. Don’t worry though, as long as I’m around Nile won’t hurt you – or if Mike’s around, for that matter. He seems to like you more so I doubt he’d want anything to happen to you either.”

Levi tutted, secretly grateful for support for once in his life. It was like when he was younger, and Farlan and Isabel would gang up on anyone who would ever go near him. Except Kenny, they were terrified of him too.

“Hey, least you’ll have scared Nile off a bit though. After you punched him, he looked pretty scared.”

“Yeah well I am scary, if I need to be.” Levi smiled at Erwin, and pushed himself further into their hug. It felt nice to just be in a room with no one else for once.

“Don’t tell my mum about what happened, especially about what happened on the roof.”

“Oh, why Levi?”

“Just don’t!” Levi shouted. Realising his tone, he lowered it and calmed down a bit, “she already worries over me enough. She keeps asking me if I’m still taking that damned medication, it’s doing my head in.”

“Well, are you?” Erwin asked. He hadn’t realised that Levi had been on any type of medication before – even when he stayed over for a few days, he’d never seen him take a tablet before bed.

“No. It makes me feel shitty. Anxiety medication makes me feel sick. Depression stuff makes you feel flat. Nothing like that helps.”

Erwin’s heart sunk a bit. All the years he’d known Levi, he didn’t even notice how bad his mental health must have been. Levi didn’t really open up to people about personal problems, so there was no real way to tell. But still, he felt guilty for it. And saddened.

_What has Levi actually gone through in his life that causes him to suffer this much?_

It made him even sadder to think that what Levi went through must have happened when he was very young, since they’d known each other since they were eight – and Erwin knew his home life with Kuchel then.

Thinking about it, and unsure what else to say, Erwin pulled Levi in as tight as he could for a big hug, “I’m here if you ever need me, Levi.”

“That’s if you don’t squeeze me to death first,” he mumbled out, “Jesus Erwin let go of me a bit I can’t breathe properly.”

Immediately Erwin loosened his grasp and went back to a gentle hold.

“Sorry, Levi.”

He just wasn’t over how good it felt to actually hold Levi. Only yesterday did they kiss – literally a day ago, and now they could sit and hug all they wanted. Almost ten years of trying to get with him, and now it had finally happened. Levi was finally his boyfriend.

Suddenly their eyes locked into each other’s, and almost like a magnet was pulling them together, their lips collided into a kiss. It was soft, gentle, and fragile. The way Levi wished his first kiss would have been, rather than like the dare it was.

Levi wrapped his arms around Erwin’s neck, pulling him in closer. Their lips parted, and the kisses became rougher and deeper. More intense. Erwin hooked his hands around Levi’s back, and lowered him onto the sofa, so Erwin was laying above him, still kissing him.

Fumbling, Levi’s tie slowly slid off onto the floor and his top few buttons were undone, revealing more of his chest and neck. Erwin embraced this, and leant his head down to kiss the soft, pale skin that was usually covered up. He carried on slowly undoing the buttons as his kisses lowered onto Levi’s bare chest. A small groan leaked from Levi’s mouth.

Erwin’s head moved back up so their lips would meet again, and Levi followed what Erwin had just done to him.

_Shit, am I doing this right? I’ve never done anything like this._

His worries floated away as he unbuttoned Erwin’s shirt completely and began to kiss his neck the same way Erwin had just done, giving it a gentle nip with his teeth which left a small, purple mark on the perfectly smooth skin.

They both groaned quietly under their breath as they continued to kiss, shirts wide open and chests pressed against each other. The making out was so intense that they hardly heard a knock on Erwin’s door, and then a second knock.

“Shit, Erwin quick get off me.” Levi hissed, and he threw his small body over the back of the sofa and ran to the bathroom, locking the door. Erwin quickly grabbed his pyjama top that was folded on top of the chair and replaced his shirt with it.

A few seconds later, Mrs Smith walked in. Erwin had strategically got his folder open and was holding a pen in his hand, pretending to read.

“Oh, sorry mum I didn’t know you were there.”

“That’s okay, I was just coming to ask if you’d give me a hand in the kitchen. I’m making soup, but I hurt my finger and can’t cut the veg properly.”

She paused, noticing the new attire. “I see you’re sporting a pyjama top?”

“More comfy than my school shirt.” Erwin smiled, trying to make it look like he was telling the truth.

“Where’s Levi?” she asked, eyes scanning around the room before landing on top of her son, and the small purple mark forming on his neck. Noticing, he shrugged the top up a bit attempting to cover it.

“He’s just putting some of my pyjamas on too, comfort for working. I’ll come help you then.” He stood up, shouting to Levi that he’d be back shortly.

Shutting the door behind them, Levi came out of the bedroom and went to lay on Erwin’s bed. _God that was amazing. I never thought I’d be doing that with Erwin. Jesus. Was I doing it right? Did he like it?_

These thoughts replayed in his mind constantly as he gently closed his eyes and fell into a deep sleep.

*****

Erwin and his mother were in the kitchen, blending vegetables and chopping them up to make tomato and basil soup. Mrs Smith’s homemade soup was the nicest thing ever, and an absolute necessary pick me up if you were ever feeling down, which is why Erwin was confused she was making it.

“How is everything at school Erwin?”

“Yeah, it’s good. First week back at school. Homecoming dance was at a good time I think, a perfect break for settling back in to our senior year.”

She smiled, “so how come the lies? And how come you’ve taken today off school?”

“I haven’t”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Erwin. I won’t tell your father. You’ve just not missed a class since you were dating Marie the other year, and it was obvious why you and she used to come home or miss school for dates. But why now?” her tone was soft. She was clearly waiting for Erwin to say something, to admit something.

“Levi just wasn’t having a great day” he said, voice lowered. The last thing he wanted was for Levi to know he was telling his mum the problems at school. “He and Nile don’t exactly meet eye to eye.” The tomatoes dropped into the blender.

“Is that why he’s got that big bruise on his cheek?” Erwin looked down and sighed. He’d forgotten about the bruise – he’d just got used to it been there since he’s been with Levi practically all week.

“Yeah, I think Nile was a bit drunk after the party and went for Levi. I mean you know what Levi’s like, he tried to fight back. But Nile’s about six foot now, and Levi’s five foot three.” He continued chopping tomatoes, feeling a bit sad.

“Doesn’t sound like Nile at all. I’m sure his dad won’t be happy to know he’s been getting into fights, especially when he’s a police officer.”

“Yeah I know. Please don’t tell him, mum. I don’t want Nile to fall out with me. And I don’t want Levi to be annoyed I’ve told you about this all today.”

“I won’t, you have my word.”

She pressed the button on the blender and the kitchen erupted into a violent noise for a few minutes, before falling silent again and pouring the blended vegetables into a pan, adding stock and leaving to simmer.

Mrs Smith walked over to her son and reached up to move the cloth covering his neck. Erwin was the same height as Nile now: he’d had such a growth spirt within the last year. The only one at school who didn’t seem to grow was Levi.

“And what about that little mark on your neck, what was that from Erwin? I’ve hardly seen you this week. Give me all the gossip.”

He tried to duck away and hide it again, but it was too late. She’d already questioned him. The quickest thing he could come up with was blaming it on the party and Marie.

“We were playing spin the bottle at Marie’s. It landed on me and her, just a kiss. She got a bit carried away. Can’t say Nile was too happy, but she was drunk and I don’t really think she knew what she was doing.”

“Now that definitely sounds like Marie. She’s a lovely girl. I wish you two worked out. But I’m sure you’ll find an even lovelier girl soon, when you head off to college.”

He grimaced at the thought. His mum didn’t know he liked men as well, and certainly did not know about Levi. He wasn’t sure how she’d react – throughout his entire life, all his parents would talk about was how he’d be a wonderful husband to a perfect wife one day and they’d have their perfect children. He wasn’t sure what they’d think about Levi.

“Yeah, maybe.” Was all his response was, “I’m just going to go back up now and check on Levi, okay?”

“Yes of course darling. Would you two like to sit and have lunch with me downstairs instead of in your room? I’ve not seen Levi for a while, it would be nice to have a bit of a catch up.”

“I’ll check with Levi” Erwin said, as he left the room and headed upstairs. Opening his bedroom door, he found Levi sprawled out across his bed fast asleep. Quietly, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and texted his mum.

11:34: Levi’s fast asleep. Maybe tea together instead? X

11:36: Sure, I’ll leave the soup outside your door when it’s cooked. Love Mum X

As silently as he could, Erwin picked up his book from the side of the bed and walked over to his desk. He began to read, and continued until he heard the front door open and lock behind. His mum had left for the meeting.

Now he was sure no one else would try come in, he pulled his trousers off so he was in nothing but boxers and his pyjama top, and climbed into bed beside Levi, pulling him in for a hug.

The two slept until seven at night, when Levi awoke to hear both Mr and Mrs Smith come through the front door and walk to the kitchen. He rolled over in the bed to face Erwin, trying not to think about the fact he was in nothing but boxers and the thick thighs were resting over Levi’s small body.

Smiling to himself, he quickly placed a kiss on Erwin’s cheek and climbed out of bed to head to the bathroom. _Ugh I feel so groggy. I need to clean off before dinner._

About thirty minutes later, the two boys headed down stairs together. Levi had put his uniform back on as though he had just got home from school: shirt done up to the top, tie fastened neatly. Erwin put his trousers and shirt back on and buttoned it up, deciding to leave the tie upstairs. Mrs Smith was impressed at the turn around – they both looked as though they’d just finished school.

“Oh hello you two, good day at school? Erwin asked us if Levi could join us for dinner, I hope that is okay. Kuchel is at work til late, that’s all.” Levi was impressed by Mrs Smith’s acting skills. _Maybe Erwin should take up some of her lessons._

“Hello father,” Erwin’s body stiffened in the usual way it would whenever he was around his dad. He’d never admit it, but Erwin was actually a bit intimidated and scared by his father. He was six foot five, constantly wore suits, and had very dark hair and thick rimmed glasses. He always wore a scowl; not one like Levi, but one that suggested utter resentment at everyone.

“Hello Erwin” he looked up from his newspaper, looked at Levi, “Hello Levi”.

Levi shuffled his body slightly behind Erwin’s and followed him round into the kitchen where Mrs Smith was plating up the curry.

“Smells amazing, mum.”

“Thank you sweetie” she gestured for the two boys to lean in closer to her, and dropped her voice to a whisper, “your father is in a foul mood. Ignore him if he makes any rude comments tonight.”

They all stood up straight again, and carried the plates through to the table, trying to ignore what they’d just learnt. The curry smelt amazing, and was easily distracting enough – Levi hadn’t had a homemade curry in ages. Usually just the ones you can get for £3 from a cheap supermarket.

Naan bread was placed in the centre of the table. Everyone took their seats: Levi and Erwin next to each other, Mr Smith directly opposite Levi, and Mrs Smith opposite her son. Once the man of the house started to eat, everyone followed suit and continued.

Light conversation was passed around the table: how was school? Did you get much homework? Was work okay today? A 10 minute long story about a student in a lecture. Then the conversation was directed to Levi and his family.

“How is Kuchel these days Levi? I’ve not been out for a coffee morning with her for a while!” Mrs Smith exclaimed.

“Yeah she’s good. Working more hours recently though.”

“Ah yes I remember her saying last time she was going to try and pick a few more hours up. I’m glad she’s well.”

After Levi smiled and took another bite of his curry, Mr Smith perked up and decided it was his time to interrogate Levi.

“So what’s with the cut on your cheek, Levi? Got into another fight at your end of town?” he snickered to himself. Luckily, Levi’s mouth was full of food so was unable to reply, and Erwin stepped in for him.

“A book fell off the top shelf at the library and landed right on the side of Levi’s cheek. A thick Law book too – it must have killed. Did it, Levi?”

Levi looked down at his plate with a scowl. “Yeah. Hurt a lot.”

Mr Smith laughed again, even though there was nothing funny about the conversation, and then took a huge piece of naan bread and scraped up a mouthful of curry with it. Despite being such a well off man in such a highly paid job, he didn’t have very clean or good table manners. Levi couldn’t even look at him as he ate.

“Do you still see your uncle, Levi? What was his name, Kenny?” Mr Smith enquired, despite fully knowing the answer. Kuchel had been friends with Mrs Smith for a long time now, and he was sure she’d known about her brother.

“No. Not for years.”

“Ha. Locked up in jail, I assume? Do you remember when he was in the newspapers for starting that fire to claim on insurance? Didn’t he end up killing two people?”

“Dad, just shut up.” Erwin stood up from the table and looked at his father. Erwin was clearly shaking a bit, but he was angry. Levi had just probably had one of the shittest weeks in his life, and his own father was just making it worse.

“What was that, Erwin? Are you shouting at me? Your own _father_?”

He paused for a second, clearly nervous about how to respond to his father. But before he could dwell on it anymore, he began to talk.

“Yes! Why are you asking Levi such personal questions? Just leave him alone. He’s come here to have tea with us for once – with you. You already know about his uncle, you know he’s not seen him in years so why bring it up now?”

“Yeah right, course that’s why he’s here. To eat with just _me_. Not for the free food, or to cling off you like he always does.”

“What the hell has gotten into you, dad?”

He looked up at his son then, and stared at him right in the eye trying to keep his calm.

“I was talking with Nile Dok’s father today, apparently Levi decided to beat him up at school for no reason. Nile is a lovely boy and has been friends with our family for years. You can’t just drop him for Levi.”

“That’s enough, you two!” Mrs Smith called across the table, before deciding to collect everyone’s plates from them and piling them on a tray. Whenever she spoke, everyone else would shut up and stop arguing immediately. She walked over to Levi, ready to take his now empty plate.

“Will you give me a hand please, Levi?” she asked, her voice not as soft as usual. Her husband had clearly made her very angry.

Levi did as he was asked, and stood up from the table heading into the kitchen behind Erwin’s mum. Erwin and his dad were left in the dining room together. Levi’s eye contact didn’t reach up from his feet, even when Mrs Smith tried to talk to him in the kitchen.

“I’m so sorry about that Levi. He’s been very odd and off with everyone recently – I think it’s the stress of the new term. And probably he’s just annoyed that Erwin didn’t stand up for Nile. Mr Dok and Erwin’s father both went to the same High School, they’ve been friends for years. I just think they both wanted their sons to live the same life.”

Levi didn’t bother responding, he just slowly passed her the dishes as she loaded up the dish washer. After pressing the on button, the emptied the rest of the curry into one box, rice into another, and wrapped the spare naan bread up.

“Here, love, bring this home for you and your mother. She’ll have worked a long day, and I don’t blame her if she doesn’t want to cook once she gets home.”

Levi accepted the boxes, and went to the hallway to put them in his bag. He then walked back into the kitchen where Erwin now was as well, making a cup of tea. He was talking to his mum.

“It’s not on mum, he can’t just keep insulting my best friend like that. I hate Nile, he’s two faced. He knows we don’t get on, I don’t get why he wants us to be friends so much.”

“You know it’s just because of his father, Erwin. Just ignore him. I have no idea what’s got into him, but be sure I’ll be having words tonight.”

“Yeah.”

“Please look after Levi too, Erwin. I worry about him so much.”

Levi decided to make his presence known then, he didn’t want to hear them both talking about how he seemed like a ‘troubled soul’ who ‘just needed a good friend’. He had enough of that already. He wasn’t even that bothered about Mr Smith’s comments. Kenny was in prison for what he did. He hated his Uncle Kenny. He was more bothered about the fact he’d raised his voice at Erwin.

“Levi, I made you some tea. It’s black tea too.” Erwin smiled, handing him the cup.

“Thanks” he mumbled.

“You two go back upstairs and relax. You’ve got an hour and a bit before Kuchel will be here to get Levi, so you might as well go watch a film or something.”

Levi and Erwin did as instructed, and headed back up the stairs together to sit in Erwin’s small living room. Erwin put a film on; some cheesy comedy. They both sat in silence for a long time, just drinking tea and eating sweets from the secret stash Erwin kept in his room.

“Sorry” Levi mumbled after some time.

“Hm? What are you sorry for? I’m sorry my dad spoke to you like that. You have no reason to apologise.”

Levi shrugged and took another sip of his tea.

“I’m just sorry I’ve never told you about my past. And that your dad dares to fucking speak like that you to. You’re nothing but nice, to everyone. I just don’t get it.”

“I’m never going to make you talk about something you don’t want to talk about, Levi. And I’m used to it. He’s just stressed, that’s all. I mean you’ve seen him for dinner a few times before, he’s usually quite nice.”

Levi snorted. Erwin’s dad was definitely not nice to Levi. Perhaps Erwin had just never noticed it: the scowls, the glares, the sniggers at Levi’s comments across the table. He knew it was always to do with the class divide, and Levi’s family history. But he just ignored it, least Erwin and his mother were both lovely.

They fell silent again, shared a few more cuddles and kisses until the film finished and a car pulled up outside for Levi. He gave Erwin a passionate kiss bye in the bedroom, before the two wandered downstairs to meet Kuchel in the doorway.

Whilst Levi pulled his shoes on, Kuchel kept repeatedly thanking them all for having him for dinner.

“Honestly, Kuchel, Levi is really no bother at all. He’s such a lovely boy.”

“Well, thank you again. I really appreciate it” she reached out and ruffled Levi’s hair as he was putting on his shoes, forcing him to duck away slightly from the touch and neaten it out.

“Oh also! I gave Levi some left over curry and naan bread for you to enjoy after such a long shift. Just pop it in the microwave when you get home, it should be okay.”

“That’s lovely and very thoughtful, thank you. Right Levi, you got everything?” she announced as Levi grabbed his blazer and bag.

“Yeah. Thanks for tea Mrs Smith, see you tomorrow Erwin.”

“See you tomorrow, Levi. I’ll text you.”

The two left the house and made their way to the tatty car at the end of the drive. They both climbed in before Kuchel decided to do the usual interrogation about school. He told her that he went, and that it was okay. The last thing he wanted was to explain all the Nile problem to her again. All she’d do is worry. Especially about the panic attacks.

After a speedy five minute drive home, they pulled into the flat and walked up the stairs together. Levi handed his mum the curry, and walked into his room shutting the door behind him. Pulling out his phone, he found messages from Erwin, Hange, and Petra.

Petra:

12:55: Lunch is soooo boring without you. Hope you’re okay after this morning! I’ve signed the registers for you and Erwin all day, so no one will know you’re missing. xxx

15:49: You coming back to school tomorrow? Xxx

Hange

8:34: I assume you’re not coming back today?

10:23: Erwin better be looking after you!!!

20:03: I’ll see you both tomorrow.

Erwin

22:06: Minus the horrid tea, today was lovely : - ) xxxxx

22:07: I particularly liked the kissing this afternoon ; - ) xxxxx

22:15: Hope I wasn’t too forceful with you. If there’s anything you ever don’t feel ready to do, just say the word. Xxxxx

22:15: I’ll meet you in the morning on our usual corner. Can’t wait to see you again : - ) xxxxx

Levi smiled to himself reading through them all. He had a good group of friends, he guessed. They always stood up for him. _I better remember to say something to Mike tomorrow, actually. God I didn’t realise I was this much of a problem, or this annoying though. What is happening to me this week?_

Before taking the rest of his uniform off ready to get in the shower, Levi picked up his phone and texted Erwin back.

22:23: Not too forcey. Was fun. Part 2 on Saturday? Xx

He put his phone down on his bed and wandered into the bathroom, locking the door behind him and performing his usual night routine. He took his contact lenses out after wearing them for the three days at a time, and grabbed his glasses from the side of the shelf after his shower.

Wandering back into the living room, he perched himself on the sofa next to his mum and leant over for a hug. She accepted it and returned it, holding him tightly.

“Everything okay Levi? You’re coming across as very affectionate tonight.”

“Just glad you’re my mum” was all he responded, before sitting up again, “night. See you tomorrow.”

“Good night Levi. Love you.”

“Love you too, mum.” He responded, shutting his bedroom door and climbing slowly into bed. His bag was all packed for school tomorrow. He felt a lot happier about going since his friends had texted him all day: he doubted that he could get into any trouble with Nile when he had his group of friends.

Looking at his phone one last time to set the alarms, he got another text from Erwin.

22:54: Definitely. I’ll be distracted thinking about Saturday all day tomorrow now. See you in the morning, boyfriend ; - ) xxxxx

Levi cringed a bit, but his heart felt warm at the same time. _Boyfriend_. He repeated it in his head several times, still not quite believing it was real life. He drifted off in a happy daze, not thinking about all the problems he’d had that week. He was content for once, and that’s all that mattered.


	8. First Dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy fluff fluff. Erwin and Levi enjoy their first date at Levi's house.

School creeps around quickly the next morning, and before he really wakes up Levi finds himself meeting Erwin on the corner at the exact time he says.

“Morning, handsome” Erwin beams at Levi. There was no one else from school who lived around here, so they could be as couple like as they wanted.

“Shut up” Levi smiled as he walked up to Erwin and nervously placed a kiss on his lips. He still hadn’t got used to kissing people – his first kiss had been last Saturday night, and since then he seems to have shared a lot of them. Each being special; each being ones he couldn’t stop thinking about.

“You alright? I’ve brought you a croissant for breakfast” Erwin reached into his bag and pulled out a brown paper packet with a fresh butter croissant wrapped inside, “and also a cup of tea” and then he pulled out a small take away cup and passed it to Levi.

“I’ve just brushed my teeth” Levi moaned as he bit into the croissant. Clearly the minty taste didn’t bother him too much, as he devoured the croissant as they reached the park. “Thanks” he muttered in between a sip of tea, smiling at Erwin.

“Anything for you.” Erwin whispered, close to Levi’s ear. It sent a shiver down his spine, and he felt his face burning red and pink. After a few more minutes they bumped into a few people from their school, and decided it was best to maintain their usual look of friendship and separate from being so close.

Soon enough, they approached their form room where everyone was already sat. Levi walked past Nile, who didn’t even look up to face him or glare at him as he usually does every morning. Marie sat next to him, who politely said good morning to both boys as they took their seats next to Hange and Petra.

“How are you today Levi?” Hange asked, concern in their voice. He and Hange had been nothing but close since they first met in middle school, and they were one of the only people that Levi felt that he could really trust.

In middle school, the four boys met Petra and Hange and instantly became best friends. Once high school started, they met Marie as well, and became a little group. That all lasted until their senior year: the year when you properly find out who’s really going to stay a friend forever, and who isn’t.

“Better, thanks Hange” Levi said, hanging his bag on the back of the chair. He never put it on the floor in case it got mucky or dusty from all the students’ shoes.

“Good. I’m glad.” Hange smiled at him. “We both have a free period today don’t we – do you wanna go for lunch somewhere?”

Levi looked up at Erwin: they were meant to be eating together today. He wanted to go with Hange and have a chat, especially after the events that took place yesterday, but he also didn’t want to leave Erwin by himself.

“That’d be nice Levi, I’ve got loads of work to do today anyway. I have to catch up on yesterday.” Erwin announced, as if he was reading Levi’s mind. Levi’s gaze drifted back onto Hange, “sure.”

“Yay! I know a really nice café a few minutes out of school, we can go there straight after English. Sound good?”

“Yeah sure. I’ll meet you at the school entrance.”

The bell rang for registration, and the teacher walked in checking everyone was there. They sat there for twenty minutes whilst the teacher gave out all the news of the school: there’s a new vending machine in the maths block, non-uniform day next Wednesday to raise money for charity (you have to pay £3 to do it), sports day coming up so need teams. Once the boring list had been reeled off, the second bell rang and everyone headed to their lessons.

“I’ll see you after school?” Erwin asked as Levi was heading out of the classroom.

“Yeah sure. Meet back here at 2:30 then.” Levi didn’t look back, but just headed off in the direction of English. He missed Erwin the days he was at school.

_I’ve been with him for so much this week, it actually feels so weird when he’s not around. God, I’m falling too hard for him. What if he starts to think I’m too clingy?_

English went quite quickly: they were asked to read the last chapters of the book for half an hour, then pick their favourite quote and write about it ready to read out. Luckily, Levi managed to escape being picked on. It’s probably because the teachers always thought he’d kick off if he was called out, and because he tucked himself in the back of the classroom so he could stare out of the window all lesson.

Soon enough, the lesson was finished and he headed to the entrance of school as he said he would and met Hange there, who was already waiting for him.

“Levi! You ready?” They looked utterly excited to be spending time with the smaller boy as they beamed at him.

“Yeah. I’ll follow you.”

They both walked out of the school gates and round the corner onto the main street. After about five minutes they reached the café that Hange was talking about that morning.

“This is it; a little milkshake bar but it sells sandwiches and stuff too. Thought it would make a nice change for us!”

Levi looked up at it. It was very colourful: bright bubblegum pink lined the walls whilst a black and white check patterned was displayed on the floors. It was old school American, and Levi was quite excited to try it.

“Looks good, Hange. Good choice for once.” He joked, sneering. Hange elbowed him gently on the side.

The pair walked in and ordered the drinks they wanted – it took Levi ages to decide on a milkshake combination, but in the end he went for a plain dark chocolate one with extra whipped cream. Hange got about 5 different bars of chocolate and sweets in theirs, and it seemed pretty sickly.

As Levi was taking a bite of his houmous sandwich, Hange decided that was a good point to start talking about what they brought him here for.

“Sooo, Levi,” they began. Levi’s eyes drew away from the food and looked up at his friend, “how’s it going with Erwin?”

Levi tried to keep his expression blank as he finished his mouthful and put the rest of the sandwich down.

“What do you mean? Same as ever. I’ve known him for about ten years, nothing’s changed.”

“You can’t fool me, Levi Ackerman.” Hange said, sipping on their milkshake. “I can read you like a book, I know there’s something going on between you.”

Levi sighed. There was no point keeping it a secret from them, he knew how persistent they could be.

“Fine, but you can’t tell anyone any of this once I talk to you about it.”

“Cross my heart and hope to die!” Hange beamed at Levi in their usual goofy smile. They were the only person Levi would ever talk to about things like this, other than Kuchel. Something about their personality seemed to portray trust, and frankly Levi just liked them. He thought they were pretty cool.

“I’ll start with the party, do you remember it?”

Hange racked their brain. Petra had explained everything that happened to Levi the day after when they went out for a coffee to try and get rid of their hang overs. So yes, Hange knew everything about the party, and didn’t really want to make Levi repeat it all.

“Yes, I know about the party. I was there.” They joked.

“Yeah right well everyone was pissed so I don’t know who knows and who doesn’t. Anyway so that happened. Then when we went to the cinema, Erwin walked me home.”

“I know that too! Skip to the good bits, Levi. I want to hear about my best friends falling in love!”

“Shut up” Levi blushed, took a breath, and continued, “so we stopped outside my house. He kissed me.  Then kissed me again. The next day he came for breakfast and he asked me if I’d be his boyfriend.”

“Awww Levi that’s so lovely. I knew something would happen between you both. I could tell you’ve fancied Erwin for years, but I mean, who wouldn’t? He’s definitely blossomed.”

“God I need to stop being so easy to read around you, Hange.” Levi smiled and laughed a little bit, making Hange smile. They worried about him a lot, especially since they found out about his panic attacks. So whenever there was a sign of joy or happiness, it made them feel happy.

“Yeah and since then we kissed a bit more. Especially yesterday, we kissed quite a bit then. His mum almost saw us.” Levi explained.

“Wait, does his mum not know about you both? But what if you stay at his house, did you not used to stay all the time?”

Levi nodded. “Guess it just makes it easy for us both, doesn’t it.” He laughed at this too. _God, why does Erwin make me feel like this_.

“Levi!” Hange laughed loudly, making other people in the café turn around. After calming down, they decided to continue the interrogation.

“Does your mum know? Does Erwin’s mum even know he’s bi? I’m assuming he’s bi, since he had his little thing with Marie a bit ago.”

“My mum knows, she’d be able to tell anyway. I’m pretty obvious when I’m with her. And no, I don’t think she does. But don’t tell him I’ve told you, shitgoggles.”

“I won’t I won’t” they held their hands up as if to surrender. “And I don’t know who you’re calling shitgoggles, you need glasses too.”

“Yes but I don’t wear literal goggles like you, do I?” Levi smiled.

“True. Okay, final question Levi I promise. Is Erwin your first kiss or first boyfriend? How far have you gone with him?”

“Hange that’s three questions, and it’s only been a week. Jesus.”

“Yes, but you’ve clearly both being head over heels with each other for a very long time, so you might have pushed the boat out and gone far.”

Levi cringed at the thought. He didn’t like to rush things, especially in his first relationship with the one person he’s ever properly loved. He had a crush on Farlan when they were still around each other, but nothing came of it, he was far too young to understand anyway. So apart from that, Erwin was his first and only ever true crush.

“Yes to both. And not very to the last. That’s all I’m answering.”

Levi picked his sandwich up and took a few more bites before the plate was cleared. He then move onto drink his milkshake. Hange had also done the same, and after slurping the rest of the drink out of the straw, Levi decided to end the disgusting noise they were making and ask Hange questions.

“My turn.” Was all he said.

“Your turn for what, Levi?”

“Questions.”

“I will happily give you any answers about me and Petra, feel free to ask away. Although I’m not sure she’ll be happy talking about what we get up to, but it’s only fair since I asked you.”

“No I’m not bothered about that,” he waved his hand as if to brush the conversation away, “I want to ask questions for advice.”

“Oh!” Hange’s eyes opened a bit. This was the first time Levi had ever actually asked them for help with something, usually they just had to offer it and wait for Levi to accept.

“So, me and Erwin are doing something tomorrow. But I don’t know what.”

“So you’re asking for date ideas? Or after date ideas? Or both?”

Levi paused and thought for a second, and his face suddenly started to become slightly pink. Hange decided to ignore the blush on the dark haired boy so as to not scare him off, “both” he mumbled.

“How about in the day you walk to his instead of him to you, and you could both go to the cinema? And then, take him out for some food somewhere nice. There’s a really good Italian restaurant in the town.”

“Hange, I can’t afford that. Not both.”

“Hmm, how about you cook for him then? Is your mum in or is she working?”

“I’m guessing work.”

“Cook for him then. What kind of food do you think he’d like? I can send you over some recipes tonight if you want. Unless you’d like to start with something a bit more fun? Why don’t you both make pizza?”

Levi thought about it. Both of them, cooking together in the kitchen, making their own toppings and waiting for them both to come out steaming out. Or they could design each other’s pizzas and see how well they actually know each other. Then it’s not too date like or formal so soon in, more like a bit of fun.

“Or even nicer, just invite him round for the whole day. You can make your pizzas, watch a film at home. You have that sweet shop under your flat, both of you can go down and pick some sweets. Go buy a cheap DVD you both fancy. Then you can snuggle and kiss in the privacy of your own home.”

“Good idea. I think I’ll do that, thanks Hange.” Levi muttered. He was getting excited and flustered just thinking about it.

“Now, advice for after dinner. Hm. Well it depends, Levi, how far do you think you’re wanting to go?”

“I’m not sure. What do you think? I’ve never done anything like this before.” Levi was feeling incredibly nervous about the whole situation. He didn’t really know what Erwin would want.

“How about just go with the flow and do what feels right. From advice though, don’t go the full way. Wait until a special occasion, especially since it’s your first.”

“Hange” he said, angrily. Embarrassed in case someone else could overhear their conversation.

Levi sipped at his milkshake again, trying to cool off his burning cheeks.

“Any more questions?”

Levi shook his head, finishing his milkshake.

“One last bit of advice for you, Levi. I’d surprise him with it today. Aren’t you meeting him at 2:30? Ask him about it then. It’ll make him feel really excited for tomorrow.”

“Yeah. I’ll do that.”

“Good! Let me know how it goes. I expect text updates, if you get a free minute. Especially since I’ve practically put this day together.”

Levi smiled at Hange and nodded, quickly texting his mum asking if she was working tomorrow. Minutes later she replied with a yes. His heart started to beat a bit quicker until he saw the time.

“Shit Hange, lesson is in five minutes. We better head back.”

“Indeed we have, I’ll see you later Levi. Thanks for coming with me this free period. And don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.”

The two dispersed in different directions. Hange had sports in the hall now, so had to walk all the way to the gym in the opposite direction of school, and Levi had German and had to walk all the way to languages. His mind was constantly distracted for the last few hours of the day: filled with thoughts about how he was going to ask Erwin about tomorrow, and their plans for tomorrow, and what was going to happen.

The bell rang 2:30 before he realised, and he went straight to the form room to find Erwin stood smiling at him.

“Feels like ages since I’ve seen you. How was lunch with Hange?”

“Nice. We had milkshakes and sandwiches.”

“Oh yeah, I’ve seen the milkshake bar before. It looks nice, we should go sometime.”

“Yeah, definitely. So tomorrow. I have a plan.” He couldn’t be bothered discussing his trip out with Hange, he wanted to talk about the important things and fast.

Levi glanced around him in the corner of his eye, most of the kids had gone home now since you could leave straight after the last period.

“Oh, tell me.” Erwin smiled at him.

“In fact. I’ll keep it a surprise for you. Just be at my house for 10, you’re spending the day with me. If you want. Obviously.”

“I definitely do want. Do you need me to bring anything?”

The two boys started walking as Levi gave him a specific list of things for him to buy for the pizza’s, without trying to hint it was pizza. He also asked him to bring some comfy clothes – there was no way they could cuddle all day in their skinny jeans, they were uncomfortable at the best of times.

Once they reached Levi’s front door, since Erwin walked him home again, they shared a kiss bye and parted ways until the morning.

When Levi walked upstairs to his flat and unlocked the door, he found his mum sat with a cup of coffee watching TV.

“Oh, mum. Thought you was working?” He asked.

“Oh no, sweetie, I’ve got today off.” She replied, something sounding off with her voice. “You have a good day at school?”

“Yeah it was okay, thanks.” He hung his bag up on the back of the door and walked over to sit next to his mum.

After a bit of silence, Kuchel decided it was a good time to confront Levi about what had happened the other day regarding his panic attacks.

“Levi, why have you stopped taking your medication?”

“I haven’t.” He replied quickly, gulping. He didn’t need this conversation now; he was floating after thinking about tomorrow. He didn’t need to come down again.

“Then explain this.” Kuchel placed two tubes on the table, both prescriptions from two months ago still completely full.

“I’m feeling better now mum, I don’t want to take them anymore.”

“Levi I can’t just afford to spend all this money on the medication if you’re not even going to take it before it goes out of date. They’re there to help you; you said they were helping you.” Her voice cracked a bit, “Levi please explain why you’re not taking them.”

“I just said mum I’m better now. They made me feel funny. Anti-depressants made me feel numb and have no feelings, and anxiety tablets make me feel sick. I was fed up with feeling rubbish all day.”

She paused and looked right into Levi’s eyes, and he stared back. He was worrying: he hated it when his mum was like this. Suddenly, she started crying. Full blown sobbing. Levi didn’t know what to do.

“Mum I’ll take them again if it’ll make you feel better, look please don’t cry. I’m sorry.” He put his arm around her to comfort him.

“Levi I thought you was saving them up like last time. I thought it was going to be a repeat of last time.” She sobbed into his chest as he hugged her close.

“Shit I’m so sorry mum I didn’t even think.” Was all he could think to say. He can vividly remember what she was talking about: it had been the start of school when things were really bad, and he didn’t think he was smart enough for his classes, and he thought Erwin was getting bored of him. He thought Hange and Petra preferred to be friends with Marie.

Kuchel straightened herself up and wiped her face, trying to act like none of the situation had just happened.

“I’m sorry Levi, I just panicked.”

“It’s okay mum I’m sorry too.”

They both sat there in silence for a bit, until Kuchel reached her hand over and gave her sons a squeeze. Trying to change the subject, she asked him about his plans for the day after. He told her about the pizza making, and the film and the sweets. She thought it sounded lovely, and before she headed off to bed £20 was posted in an envelope through the door with a note that said, “Enjoy”. Levi smiled to himself. He felt bad about the things he’s done in his life that worried his mum, but at the end of the day he was very happy to live there with her.

When she’d gone to bed, he walked into the living room and took the two tubes of medicine sitting on the table. Walking to the kitchen, he placed them in the medicine cupboard with a note that said “just in case” in his scruffy handwriting, and pushed them right to the back. Hopefully that would stop Kuchel stressing so much.

He showered and climbed into bed about midnight, but was unable to sleep out of excitement for his first proper date with Erwin in just a mere ten hours. His mind was awake all night, dreaming up situations that could happen – and for once, all the situations were good.

*****

The next morning, Kuchel came into the room to check on Levi before she left for work for the day. When she walked in at eight, Levi was still fast asleep curled up in his bed. Quietly, she walked over to the sleeping form. Usually Kuchel would just leave without popping in to see Levi, but after the awkward confrontation last night she wanted to say bye, as a way to clear the air.

“Morning sweetie pie, I’m off to work now.”

He grumbled.

“I’ll be home at 10 tonight. I’m covering someone else’s shift straight after mine. Have a nice day with Erwin.”

He grumbled again, barely moving to say bye to her. She stroked his hair off his forehead, planted a kiss, and left him alone. Levi heard the door lock behind her, and dozed for a few more minutes. It felt so good to actually lay in after a proper night sleep – he wasn’t tired from lack of sleep, he was just savouring in all the sleep he could get.

When his alarm beeped 8:30, he rolled out of bed and stretched. Neatly, he made the bed behind him and lit a candle in his room. He didn’t want it to smell funny if Erwin was spending the entire day there.

Before he showered, Levi went around the flat and gave it a deep clean. He vacuumed, polished, disinfected. The entire bathroom was bleached – the entire flat smelt like cleaning product, the smell so strong the windows of the main room had to be opened, but Levi was left feeling happy at his work.

Checking the time, it had reached 9:30; he quickly dashed into the shower and cleaned off quickly, neatening up his hair and brushing his teeth. Throwing on his favourite dark green jumper and jeans, he heard a knock at the door.

Levi’s heart was pounding. He felt so nervous. It was silly, Erwin had been over so many times before. He’s been going round on Saturday’s and Sunday’s for years now: he’s slept over practically every other weekend, so why was he so anxious?

Opening the door, the tall blonde stepped inside and took his shoes off right at the entrance.

“Good morning Levi, I brought food as requested.” He bent down to kiss Levi, and Levi reached up to kiss him back. The bag of food Erwin brought was put onto the floor.

“Wait don’t take your shoes off yet.”

“Oh, why?” Erwin said, pausing half way through sliding a boot off. He always wore knee high black boots with his dark jeans and he always pulled them off so well.

“We need to go to three shops. We can go now, or later. But we have the flat til about 10 tonight.”

Erwin slid his shoes back on, “well then, if we have all day it makes sense to go now so we can spend the rest of the day relaxing.”

“Okay, good.” Levi spun on his heel and walked to his room, picking up his phone, keys, and the envelope with £20 in it. The candle was blown out and the windows at the back of the flat shut. He grabbed a small notebook left on the side of the kitchen sink, and slid is small, black ankle boots on.

“Is it cold?” Levi asked, hovering at the coat rack.

“No, not if you’re wearing your jumper. It’ll be fine.” Erwin smiled at him.

The two stepped outside and waited on the top step whilst Levi locked the door. He then triple checked the lock, pushed the window shut from the outside, and moved the plant slightly forwards to cover the door. He did it every time he had to lock up alone; just for safety measures.

“Ready?”

“Yep.”

They walked down the steps and Erwin took hold of the envelope in Levi’s hands.

“What’s this?” he asked, smiling at Levi.

“Mum gave me it. Just some money for today, that’s all.”

“Ah, does she know what you have planned for me?” Erwin was still smiling, a little bit of giddiness in his voice.

Levi blushed. “Yeah but it’s nothing that exciting, don’t get your hopes up too much.”

“If it’s with you, I’m sure it’ll be perfect.” Erwin announced, making Levi roll his eyes and cringe a little bit.

Levi led them to the shops at the bottom end of town where no one would know them. Kuchel worked in the café at the end of the street, so they stayed towards the top. Levi pulled out the notebook and a pen.

“First: the DVD shop.” He announced, looking at his squiggly writing on the paper, squinting slightly.

“Any film preferences?” Erwin asked as they walked through the front door. Erwin assumed that he’d go straight for the horror section, since Levi seemed to enjoy things like that. However, he headed straight for the romance section, and picked the cheesiest looking film on the shelf.

“Oh, really? I didn’t think you’d like films like that.” Erwin said.

“Yeah well it’s our first proper date so something’s gotta be romantic.” Levi joked as he passed it to Erwin with the envelope hinting at him to go and pay for it. Levi shopped around here all the time because everything was so cheap; the last thing he wanted was to be embarrassed buying the DVD.

Erwin did as he was told and took the film to the counter, where he paid then put the change back in the envelope. He found Levi outside ticking the list, and then trying to read his writing again. He forgot to put his contacts back in the other day, and he couldn’t read great without them. His eyesight was fine until it came to reading.

“Okay, next we need the food shop.”

“More food? I already brought loads and left them at your flat. What more do you possibly need?”

“We need whatever is left on this list.” He passed the notebook to Erwin, “can you read it I’ve forgot my glasses.” Face solemn and agitated. The last thing Levi wanted was to ask for help.

“Yeah, sure I can.”

The two entered the shop and Erwin read out what was on the list as Levi filled his basket: flour, milk, cheese, tomatoes, puree, spinach, basil, microwave popcorn, non-alcoholic wine, mushrooms, and a tonne of other pizza toppings.

“What on earth are you planning to do with me, Levi?” Erwin joked as he led Levi to the till double checking everything on the list was ticked off. Levi dumped the basket down and made small talk with the cashier whilst Erwin ran off to pick something else up.

“That’ll be £15.99 please.”

“Yeah sure.”

Levi took the envelope back out of his pocket and took out all that he had in it. He was £2 short. He began to feel a bit sick and he began to panic; there was nothing more awkward than social interactions that would leave him humiliating himself for not having enough money.

He put his hand in his pocket and thankfully found the change from the cinema the other night that he had forgotten to take out and handed it to the cashier with an apology.

She gave him the penny change and he took the carrier bags and walked out of the shop, waiting for Erwin to follow. He did a few minutes later.

“What did you go back for?”

“Oh, nothing important. Just needed to pick something up for my mum, she asked me to earlier and I just remembered.”

“Okay.” Levi said, struggling to carry the bags. Erwin took one from his hand for him.

“What was the last thing on your list then, Levi?” Erwin asked.

“Nothing. Can’t afford it. We’ll just make do.” Levi said, he felt guilty about spending all that money on a tonne of things they might not even use. _I’ll make mum some pizza’s too, then least she has something out of her money._

“We’re not having that. Come on, tell me what it is.”

“It was only some sweets from the shop we live on top of, nothing important.” He mumbled, pretty gutted that he couldn’t complete his wish list.

“I have some change in my pocket, we’ll go buy something when we get back. We’re not missing out the yummiest part of the list!” Erwin said, proudly.

“Fine.” Levi said, grumpy that he was having to let Erwin pay for him when it was meant to be his day of saying thanks for everything he does for him. Levi was meant to be trying to make Erwin happy for once, not the other way round.

When they got to the flat, Levi ran upstairs with the bags to get the food put away whilst Erwin nipped into the sweet shop downstairs and picked some chewy sweets and two bars of chocolate before heading back up.

He let himself in the door and the potent smell of the cleaning products hit his nose more than it had earlier, since the windows were locked the smell didn’t have time to air.

“You cleaned, Levi?” he asked.

“Yeah, thought it might be nicer a bit cleaner.” He said, not looking as he put the vegetables into the fridge.

“It looks nice.” Said Erwin, glancing around and smiling. Levi turned around and smiled, then walked up to Erwin and wrapped his arms around him.

“You weren’t meant to spend anything today. I wanted to treat you for once, dumbass.”

“1 bag of sweets is hardly spending much, Levi. Don’t worry.”

He huffed. Even one bag of sweets was more than he wanted Erwin to buy. But there was nothing he could do, and least they had something nice to eat whilst the film was on.

Erwin then placed his fingers on Levi’s chin and titled it up, looking at him in the eyes. Slowly, lids fluttered shut and their lips met as they began kissing. Levi returned the kissing, standing onto his tip toes and wrapping his arms around Erwin’s neck.

Next thing Erwin had picked Levi up who wrapped his legs around his lovers hips for support, and the tall blonde carried both bodies over to the sofa where they continued kissing, becoming more passionate with each one. They continued like this for a while until Erwin attempted to pull Levi’s jumper over his head.

“No wait Erwin, you’re ruining my plan.”

Erwin continued kissing him, moving down to kiss his neck.

“No Erwin I mean it!” Levi said, half laughing. He pushed the taller man off him. “I have plans for today, we can’t just stop them.”

Erwin sat up and pulled his best doggy eyes, which luckily didn’t effect Levi in the slightest. He just stood up, ignoring a grumpy looking Erwin and headed to the windows to shut all the curtains. He continued, making his way round the entire room before he disappeared into his mums’ bedroom.

Erwin flopped back on the sofa, defeated. _I keep forgetting this is all new to Levi. How far has he actually even gone before?_

Erwin slid his hand into the pocket of his jacket he still hadn’t taken off and felt the things he bought in the store. Seconds later, Levi came plodding back into the room hidden by a tower of blankets and spare cushions. “Move” he shouted at Erwin, who immediately stood up and walked to hang his tan jacket on the coat stand.

Levi began to arrange the blankets and cushions on the floor in front of the sofa, moving the small coffee table to the left side of the cosy corner he’d just made. The raven haired boy then went to the kitchen, put popcorn in the microwave and poured sweets into a bowl, carrying them all over to the coffee table.

When the bing sounded, the steaming popcorn was removed and emptied into a bowl too. 2 glasses were brought into the living room section alongside a bottle of Pepsi.

“Where’s the DVD, Erwin?”

“Oh erm,” he stuttered, just coming to the realisation he was stood in the doorway just watching Levi the entire time. “I think it’s still in my bag, I’ll get it out.”

“Well, go on then.” Levi said looking at his boyfriend with a puzzled expression. Erwin bent down and pulled the DVD out, and the two wandered over to the blankets spread over the floor.

The DVD was taken out of the box and put into the DVD player, and then both bodies leant against each other, resting on the bottom of the sofa. Levi pulled a blanket up to cover them both and wrap them up.

Only 20 minutes into the film, it was totally ignored as was the food when the two decided they’d much rather just kiss instead.

They were both laid next to each other, snuggled up, kissing softly on the floor. It was just how Levi had planned it, just how he wanted it. The larger boys’ heavy arms wrapped over him, cuddling him as they shared intimate kisses.

They kissed until their lips felt sore and were red, and then they took to just cuddling and nibbling away slowly at the popcorn. _This is so much better than the cinema,_ Levi thought, pressing himself into Erwin a bit more.

“You alright Levi?” Erwin asked, just to check he was still awake.

“Yeah, are you?” Levi asked. He was still a bit worried that Erwin wouldn’t enjoy today, despite the success it had been so far.

“Yeah I’m really good. But you could have picked a better film, this one is so boring. How long’s left?” Erwin laughed, his voice gentle and quiet as though they were both in bed together.

“You’ve hardly even watched it! I thought shit like this would be up your street. You always say crap like they say in the films.”

Erwin acted mock shocked, “and what is that supposed to mean exactly, Mr Ackerman?”

“You know” he wafted his arms around a bit, as if trying to grab the answer from somewhere, “cheesy shit.”

Erwin laughed and craned his neck to kiss Levi, “but you like it.”

“Mmm” Levi mumbled into the kiss, “maybe a bit.”

A little while later the popcorn was finished as was the film. The two boys sat together on the floor long after the end credits, just talking and joking around. It was like they always did on a Saturday, but just this time they were a lot closer and holding hands.

The door knocked at around four causing Levi to startle.

“Who the fuck is that?” he said, groaning. “What time even is it?”

Erwin looked down at his watch, “almost four. Shall we just pretend we’re not in? The curtains are all shut anyway. And besides, I don’t want someone interrupting our fun.”

“Levi I know you’re in there!” a muffled voice came through the door. _For God’s sake, it’s Hange. Why are they here? They knew what I had planned for today._

Reluctantly Levi climbed out of Erwin’s hold and wandered over to the door, opening it a few inches to see Hange and Petra peeking through.

“Levi! How’s it going?! Me and Petra are on our way to that diner round the corner where your mum works, but I wanted to just see how you’re doing.” They winked at Levi. So subtle.

Seconds later Erwin appeared behind Levi at the door and pulled it open a little bit more so the two could see properly into the room.

“Oh guys its dark in there! What are you up to?” Hange enquired, beaming at them both.

“Watching a movie. Bugger off.” Levi said rudely, turning his back on them and heading into his flat a bit more.

“Well enjoy, see you later boys!” Hange announced, stepping down the stairs.

“Sorry Erwin, Hange was just so adamant that they had to see Levi today.” Petra apologised, before hopping off down the stairs after their partner and taking their hand. Erwin watched them both walk away before closing and locking the door.

“Bloody Hange always interrupting everything.” Levi headed back into the main room now wearing his glasses and heading to the kitchen, slowly pulling things out of the fridge and putting them onto the worktop.

“They’re so nice though, probably just wanted to see how your date with me is going.” Erwin replied, then noticing the dark rimmed glasses on his lovers face, “glasses really suit you Levi. You look gorgeous in them.”

“Tsk. Shut up.” Levi said, a slight blush forming on his cheeks. He stuck his head further into the fridge, trying to cool it off quickly before returning back to the worktop.

“Wash your hands, it’s time to cook.” Levi said, leading Erwin over to the sink where they both soaped up their hands, rinsed and dried them off.

“So, are you going to tell me what we’re actually cooking, chef?” Erwin smiled.

“We’re making pizzas. From scratch. I’m making yours; you make mine. And then make one for my mum too.” He said, turning back around and digging out a piece of paper from Kuchel’s recipe book.

“Well, what do you want on yours?” Erwin asked, a bit confused.

“No Erwin that’s the point. You’re meant to be able to guess what I’d want, and I’m meant to guess what you want. It’s more fun that way.” Levi said, a bit embarrassed now at the idea.

“Ah! I like it! Wish me luck.” Erwin smiled letting out a small chuckle as the two began making the dough together, and then kneading it together. Erwin kept trying to steal kisses from Levi in the process, but the dark haired boy was way too occupied in cooking for any of that.

The dough was split into four bits, and stretched out to make shapes. Two for Kuchel, and one for each of the boys.

“Right you need to go and write down what you’d want on a pizza, and me too. Then at the end we will see if we got each other’s right. It can only be ingredients we got!” Levi said, quickly jotting down a few things he wanted on his. Erwin did the same, and then they began to create.

First Levi made Erwin’s, and the blonde watched him the entire time with a smile plastered on his face. Levi’s face was utter concentration: literally nothing could distract him when he was making something or just cooking in general.

The tomato sauce lined the pizza base first, then cheese sprinkled on top. Levi then added sweetcorn, spinach, a sprinkle of basil. A handful of mushrooms landed on top, then another sprinkling of cheese – this time halloumi, that Levi instructed Erwin to bring. It looked like a professional pizza. Erwin raised his eyebrows, trying not to show how impressed he was.

“My turn then, chef” Erwin joked, grabbing a ball of dough.

He modelled it into a heart shape, before adding tomato sauce, a very thin layer of cheese so much it was barely there. Some basil coated the top, then chopped tomatoes were placed on top of that. A mushroom was cut up into several pieces and placed delicately around the top of the heart.

Their pizzas were then put into the oven to cook for twenty minutes. Both kept looking up at each other and smiling – they had literally designed each other’s pizzas perfectly, apart from Levi wouldn’t usually opt for a heart shape. But he wasn’t going to complain.

“Shall we finish making mums then?” Levi asked, as he started to knead the dough again and shape it into two perfect circles.

“Sounds good. What shall we put on it?” Erwin asked, watching his boyfriend.

“Make one with sauce, cheese, basil and mushroom. The other with sauce, cheese, spinach and tomatoes. But use that nice, posh cheese you got that you like.”

Erwin laughed, “It’s definitely not posh cheese.”

“It’s posh cheese when you’re used to supermarket own cheddar” Levi replied, smiling a bit and looking at Erwin.

They both finished making Kuchel’s pizzas quickly, before Levi then suggested they put their pyjamas and comfy clothes on that he asked Erwin to bring. Whilst Erwin was getting changed in the bathroom, Levi sat the table.

He threw their old red table cloth over the top and a white runner on top of that. The two wine glasses were placed in the centre, and non-alcoholic wine poured into both. A plate of garlic bread Erwin had brought over was put in between their two plates.

Levi stood back and admired the table, before suddenly feeling like it was too much. But Erwin stepped out of the bathroom just before Levi could take anything off or do anything about it.

“Is this for us?” Erwin asked, a beaming grin on his face.

“Yeah it’s a bit too much, though.” Levi said, glancing down hiding his embarrassment.

“I love it, Levi. This is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.”

Levi rolled his eyes at Erwin, secretly very happy about that. They both wandered to the kitchen and peeked into the oven. Agreeing the pizzas had finished cooking, it was time for Levi’s next step.

“Okay go sit down.” Levi sent Erwin away, and quietly followed behind him wrapping a thin piece of material over his eyes. Erwin jumped at first, but then got excited and began to smile.

“Tell me what you’d want on it.” Levi said, feeling like everything was a bit too much. But Erwin seemed very happy about what was going on, so he wasn’t exactly going to stop now.

“I wanted halloumi, of course, with spinach, sweetcorn, mushrooms, and basil.”

“Bullshit.” Levi replied, “I’m serious Erwin, tell me your dream pizza.”

“No, Levi, that’s exactly it. There’s nothing else. Look, check that notepad I wrote in earlier – that what I asked for.”

Levi was feeling very proud as he placed the hot pizza on the plate in front of Erwin: he’d got it exactly right, everything he asked for.

Erwin peeled the tie from his eyes and peeked down onto his pizza, heart filling with warmth at the thought of how well his boyfriend knew him.

“That looks perfect Levi.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve known you for almost 10 years I’d have been a pretty shitty friend if I couldn’t have guessed. Especially since you’re so predictable.” Levi laughed and sat down opposite Erwin.

“My turn!” Erwin stood up, the grin still plastered on his face. He walked up to Levi and began to wrap the blindfold over his eyes. Suddenly a pang of panic shot into Levi.

“Shit no stop Erwin I’ll just close my eyes!” He shouted out, ducking as far away from the thing piece of material as he could. Erwin seemed a bit taken aback, and took a small step away from his boyfriend.

“That’s fine, Levi.”

“Sorry just- sorry.” Was all Levi said, looking down at his empty plate.

“It’s okay, you don’t need to apologise. Now, let me go and get your pizza from the oven.”

_Shit. Breathe in slowly, breathe out slowly. I do not want to ruin this day with a silly panic attack._

Levi did as his brain told him to, and slowly went back to his normal self just in time to close his eyes as Erwin put the steaming food onto the plate in front of him.

“Your dream pizza has arrived, sir” Erwin joked.

“It’s only my dream if it has a very small bit of cheese on it. If it has 5 small tomatoes chopped up and put in place, and 7 pieces of mushroom.” Levi announced, eyes still shut and a smile in his voice.

Quickly Erwin reached onto the pizza and pulled 1 piece of mushroom off leaving it with 7 neatly placed mushrooms. Perfect.

“Open up then, Levi!”

He did as he was told. The pizza was perfect, again. And it smelt amazing – the heart had become a bit distorted in the oven but it was clearly still there. And Erwin had made a shape with the vegetables on the pizza. He’d made them into an “E”.

“E for Erwin, I assume?”

“Yeah! An extra special touch by me.” The blonde bent down and gave Levi a quick kiss before settling into his dinner the other.

They both ate in silence for a while, savouring the taste of a home cooked pizza.

“This has been so much fun, Levi. We definitely have to cook together more.”

“Yeah.” Levi said, taking another bite. He felt so relieved his plan worked out so well for today. It genuinely was the perfect first date, and they still had five hours until it was all over.

“So after dinner, what do you have planned for us Levi?”

The smaller boy gulped and looked down into his drink. He had planned to eat dinner slightly later, and then just snuggle with Erwin in bed. But he felt like Erwin wanted something a bit more than that. He wasn’t sure he was ready yet – it had only been a week, and yeah they’ve known each other for years, but Levi still wasn’t sure about what to do.

Quietly, ignoring Erwin’s question completely, Levi decided to go and try find the whole truth about Erwin’s love life so he could feel more confident in himself.

“How far have you gone?” He asked, startling Erwin. It left him confused.

“How far have I gone? Well, I’ve been to Greece before that was pretty far away from here-“

“No, you know what I mean.”

Then Erwin understood, “oh, how far have I gone in a relationship?”

Levi cringed at the thought. “Yeah.”

Erwin suddenly fell quiet, putting his knife and fork down neatly on his plate. He was thinking intently, trying to find the best way to word what he’s actually done.

“Me and Marie slept together, when we were together last year.” He said, not looking up to make eye contact with Levi.

“Oh.” Was all Levi could think to say – he definitely didn’t feel more confident in himself, in fact his confidence was shattered. How was he meant to live up to Erwin’s expectations? He could compare Levi to her. Plus, what if it was better with a girl?

“It means nothing to me now. I wasn’t her first, she’d seen another guy before me.”

“But she was yours” Levi added, as if finishing his boyfriends sentence.

“Does it bother you, Levi? I promise it means nothing now.”

“No.” Levi said, and he was telling the truth. He didn’t care if Erwin had slept with someone or not, he was just more shocked. Levi still felt they were all pretty young even though they were all turning eighteen soon. That just mean Erwin slept with Marie when he was sixteen or seventeen. Just seems young.

“What about you, Levi? How far have you gone?” Erwin asked, voice a tad shaky.

“I’ve kissed.” Levi said, taking another sip of his drink, this time looking up to Erwin, their eyes meeting. “I’ve only kissed you, Erwin.” Levi said, then gave him a weak smile.

Erwin grinned back at him, and the tension was suddenly lifted from the table.

“Well, that makes me feel very special, Levi. I’m glad I could be the first person you’ve kissed.”

Erwin took his last mouthful of pizza and finished his drink, before standing up and clearing the table. Levi let him as he sat there finishing his non-alcoholic wine.

Whilst Erwin’s back was turned into the kitchen, Levi decided to finish the conversation whilst he felt a bit of confidence swell inside him.

“Erwin I don’t want to go further than kissing.” Levi said. “Not today anyway.”

“That’s fine Levi, we’ll take this at whatever pace you want to. I’m just happy to be with you, I don’t need to do things like that with you to make me happy.” Erwin looked back on his boyfriend and smiled. Once the table was cleared, the two headed to Levi’s bedroom and curled on his bed together, cuddling.

After another intense and long make out session, they both fell asleep curled in each other’s arms, both with small smiles on their faces. Levi felt relieved that he wasn’t going to have to rush anything in their relationship: he wanted to take things slow and steady, unlike everyone else in his year. He was pretty sure his mum would have been happy about that too if he told her.

A few hours later the front door sounded and Kuchel walked in, carrying some left over food from the diner. Blankets were still huddled on the floor, and her pizza’s on the worktop with a note over them both.

“For Kuchel, love Erwin.”

“Mum X”

She looked at them and smiled, putting the oven on ready to enjoy one of the pizzas.

“Boys, are you still both here? I’ll run Erwin home now!” Kuchel called, knocking on Levi’s bedroom door.

Both sat up instantly, trying to neaten their hair to make it look like they hadn’t been curled up together.

“Yeah we’ll be two minutes mum.” Levi shouted, trying to make his voice sound as normal as he could.

“Okay.” Kuchel replied, walking back to the kitchen. She began to put the food from the diner into the fridge as the boys emerged from the bedroom.

“Good day, you two?”

“It was perfect thank you, Miss Ackerman.”

“Lovely. I’m glad you both enjoyed your day together.” She smiled, looking directly at her son checking he was okay.

“And you, Levi? Are you okay? Have fun?”

“Yeah great, thanks mum.” He said, smiling. She instantly knew that he was telling the truth, he had that subtle grin turned up on the side of his mouth. His glasses were covering his sleeping eyes.

“Are you about ready to go, Erwin?”

“Only if you don’t mind driving me home. I can walk, its fine.”

“You’re not walking at this time, honestly. Go get your stuff together.”

“Thank you.” He said, returning back to Levi’s room to get his clothes together to swap out of his pyjamas. Levi followed behind him and shut the door as he walked in.

“I wish you didn’t have to go.” Levi whispered.

“We can do something tomorrow if you’d like?” He kissed his cheek.

“Yeah.” Levi said, voice still half asleep. He leant up to kiss Erwin back.

Quickly, he got changed back into his jeans and shirt, giving Levi one more passionate kiss before heading out of the room. He walked to the coat rack and put his jacket back on and his boots. Reaching into the pocket, Erwin felt what he bought earlier.

_Maybe some time in the future._

“Levi, are you coming in the car?” Kuchel asked.

“I’m really tired.” He moaned.

“Get yourself to bed, I’ll be home in 20 minutes. Come on Erwin, off you pop.”

“Bye Levi. Thank you so much for today, it was wonderful.” Erwin smiled at him one more time before heading out the front door. Kuchel followed.

The second he left Levi started to tidy the room up, folding up blankets neatly and putting them back into the storage cupboard. The room was almost as clean and tidy as it was that morning when Erwin first got there.

Happy with it, Levi showered and climbed into bed, drifting off straight away. He only slightly awoke later as he heard Kuchel arrive home.


	9. Erwin's Eighteenth: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi wants to get Erwin the best present he could think of for his eighteenth birthday, and gets a bit grumpy when it doesn't go his way.

The next few weeks flew by. Erwin and Levi were enjoying their company most nights after school and all weekend. Nile hadn’t made any further moves towards Levi, and seemed to be avoiding him around school. Overall, things were pretty good for once.

Levi had only been round to Erwin’s twice: the rest of the time, they stayed at Levi’s whilst Kuchel was out. This wasn’t just because of Mr Smith, but Erwin still hadn’t told his own mum about his secret relationship with Levi and didn’t want her to start questioning him. Levi was fine with it, since he’d made Erwin keep it a secret from all their friends at school too.

Despite the fact that everything was so good, Levi’s panic attacks had not improved. He was suffering about three or four a week, usually when no one else was around to help him. He didn’t feel like he could phone anyone to help him with them – his mum would worry too much, and so would Erwin. Hange would just shoot him that sympathetic look that he couldn’t stand, and he hadn’t directly told Petra about them. Mike was too engrossed in Nanaba too, so he couldn’t exactly talk to them. He was suffering in silence.

The following Tuesday at school, they all had a long lunch break and decided to go to the Milkshake Bar that Hange had taken Levi to just a month ago. Everyone was invited apart from Marie and Nile.

As Erwin was ordering his and Levi’s food, Mike came and sat next to him.

“What’s your plan for Erwin’s birthday this year?”

Levi had plans for it, but just for him and Erwin. It was going to be his 18th, so quite a big one. He wanted to make it extra special – but in planning, he forgot about the tradition of Mike, himself, Erwin, and Nile spending the day together. His birthday was only a week away, on October 14th.

“Um, I thought you might have planned it. The three of us, obviously not Nile, take Erwin bowling and for some food maybe?”

Mike laughed, “Levi, it’s his 18th. I thought you’d have planned something ace. You two have been best friends for years, this is the sort of stuff you plan in advance.”

“Yeah, well, I’m shit at planning stuff.”

“That’s not true, Levi!” Hange called from opposite the table, before he glared at them hinting to shut up. They had forgotten that Mike and Nanaba didn’t know about him and Levi yet. “That Saturday you planned for Erwin seemed to be go very well.”

Levi put his hand in front of his face, rubbing at his eyes. “Shut the fuck up Hange.”

“What’s going on, guys?” Erwin asked as he placed two milkshakes down and two sandwiches, flopping his large body next to Levi.

“We were just on about that Saturday Levi planned last month and that it was good, obviously because I gave him some advice to plan it.” Hange then winked at Levi, before they finally looked at Petra who was also glaring at them to shut up.

“For fucks sake Hange, can’t you keep a fucking secret?” Levi asked, fed up.

“Wait, what’s all this about? Let me in, guys.” Mike said, actually feeling a bit left out and down.

Erwin looked at Levi for approval. “Well you might as well tell them, Hange hasn’t exactly kept it quiet.” He shot daggers at them.

“Levi planned a nice day together about a month ago. We made pizzas, watched films-“

“I don’t care about the Saturday, Smith. Tell me about _you_.” Mike rested his chin in his hand as he leant closer to Levi, examining his face. Levi tried to pull away from him slightly.

“Levi and I have been dating for just over a month now. Since the day after the cinema.”

“But we’re keeping it a secret so people like fucking Nile and his bitch Marie don’t find out. So don’t either of you dare breathe a word to anyone.” He looked at Mike, then Nanaba, then back to Mike, before picking up his milkshake and taking a sip.

“Wait, Erwin, you’re gay? I knew Levi was after the party, but you? What happened to the thing with Marie?” Mike asked, genuinely curious.

“I like boys too. I’m bisexual, thought that would have been a bit obvious by now.” Erwin laughed to himself. Mike smiled.

“Well, I’m glad for you both. And we promise we won’t tell anyone, right Nanaba?”

“Yep. Pinky promise and hope to die.”

“That’s fucking childish.” Levi muttered to himself, but was secretly very grateful for his friends who were so trustworthy.

The six of them started to tuck into their lunches, filling the room with conversation and laughter. This was the most comfortable Levi had ever felt with a group of people so large. Before, he’d only feel happy around Farlan and Isabel, but when he lost them, only Kuchel or Erwin. Now he had an additional four friends that he liked and trusted.

Being with Erwin was helping him so much, in so many ways he couldn’t begin to imagine.

“So, Erwin, have you got any plans for your 18th next weekend?” Petra asked.

“My mum and dad want me to have the traditional ‘another Smith has made a special birthday’ party. My sister and her husband are meant to be coming back over for it which will be nice. You’ll all be invited. It’s going to be Friday night, I think.”

“That sounds lovely, Erwin.” Petra said smiling.

“What about with your old buddies, Smith? Want to do something separate with us?”

“Possibly so, Mike. I’m busy on my actual birthday, but we could do something on the Sunday if you’d like? How about a trip to the seaside?”

He felt Levi grimace in the seat next to him. Levi hated going to the seaside – sand got everywhere, in his shoes, hair, eyes. There was always screaming children and dogs running around. It felt mucky to Levi.

“Or in fact, it would be nice to stay in town. What about something nice like laser tag? Or even just a gathering at my house? I’m sure my mother and father won't mind.”

“Yours. That’s the best idea.” Levi said quiet enough for only Erwin to hear.

“That’s what I’d like then, guys. A small gathering at my house. Just us six, no one else. And you can all stop over after since we have the half term break that week.”

“Sounds great!” Nanaba announced as the rest finished up their food. Checking the time, the six friends got their bags together and headed back off for the last two lessons of the day at school. Everyone was talking about what they were going to do at Erwin’s party the following Sunday.

As Levi and Erwin stood up, he whispered to him, “You still want to spend your birthday with me?”

“Of course I do, Levi. It’s the only thing I’m actually looking forward to next week.” Erwin squeezed his hand subtly and they walked out of the door, catching up with everyone.

*****

“Mum, its Erwin’s birthday next Saturday.” Levi announced as he walked into the living area to sit with Kuchel.

“Oh yes of course it is, that crept round quickly didn’t it! What are your plans? Isn’t it his 18th?”

“Yeah it’s his 18th. He’s coming round on his actual birthday. He thinks I’m cooking him a meal.”

“But you want to take him out somewhere nice?” Kuchel asked, finishing his sentence. She knew her son very well, and over the years she’d gotten to know Erwin very well. He was a big fan of posh restaurants and being able to get dressed up to go.

“Levi, money has been so tight this month sweetie. I can barely afford food for the two of us, never mind expensive places and posh presents too. I’m sorry.” She looked down, clearly upset she can’t provide her son what he needs.

“Mum please this is really important.” Levi begged, “I promise I won’t ask for more money after his birthday. Please.”

“Levi, you’ve been borrowing about £20 every weekend for a month – I can’t afford to keep doing that. The answer is no.”

“Please mum. What if I come work with you on a Saturday for a few weeks?”

Kuchel sighed, she didn’t really want Levi to work at the café with her. The diner always got extremely dirty and smelt terrible, and she knew it would trigger his anxiety with it being so mucky. He also knew how disgusting the place was, so clearly was desperate to take his boyfriend out for a posh meal. Unfortunately, Kuchel just couldn't stretch to it.

“I’m sorry Levi, just cook him food here. I’m sure he’ll like that.”

“It’s his 18th! Not some stupid, pointless day! Mum please!” Levi’s voice was cracking. He was sounding so needy it made him cringe just thinking about it.

“Levi, no. Not this time.”

“That’s a fucking joke!” Levi stood up, angrily, and walked to his bedroom slamming the door shut behind him. “For sucks sake!” he kicked at the door, hurting his foot in the process. Turning back he knocked his chair over and broke the handle off his drawers.

Levi threw his body on the edge of the bed and wrapped his hands around the back of his neck, tilting his head forward. He knew he was being unfair on his mother, but he just wanted to give Erwin the best birthday he could have. He’d only been asking for money to spend on Erwin’s presents – he’d not spent any money on himself.

After the anger subsidised a bit, he stood up from the bed and picked his chair back up. Reaching under his bed, he pulled out an old shoe box and a few carrier bags containing all Erwin’s presents: his favourite film, his favourite chocolate bar, a game they used to play together as kids. He’d spent most of the money on a new bolo tie for Erwin. He had one when they were kids with a red stone, but lost it when they were in middle school. Levi was shopping the other week, and found it in an antique store. It had a deep green coloured stone in the centre which glistened. It cost Levi £60 but it was perfect.

He got Erwin a new shirt as well, that he was supposed to wear for when they go out for food on his birthday, but it seemed like that wasn’t going to happen. The more he thought about it, the more upset he got.

_Fucking shit. Why can’t we get money easy like the rest of my friends?_

It was the first time he was ever bothered about the fact they weren’t well off like everyone else in his friendship group. Pulling his phone out of his bag, he laid back down and rang Hange.

They picked up after two rings.

“Levi, everything okay?”

“No.” He said back, bluntly.

“Ah right, okay. Do you want to come round to mine? It’s just me and my parents in, they won’t mind.”

“Yeah.” He said, “Be 10 minutes.”

With that he ended the call. Usually he’d go to Erwin’s or Mike’s, but they wouldn’t understand like Hange would. As annoying and frustrating as they were, they always properly understood Levi. He stood up quickly and got his phone and coat, before heading out the door not saying bye to Kuchel.

As he said on the phone, he arrived at Hange’s front door 10 minutes later.

“Levi, come in. We’ll go to my room.” They said.

Levi did as he was told after neatly putting his boots against the wall so not to spread dirt all over the house. His breathing was staggered and he seemed pretty upset.

Once they were in the safety of Hange’s bedroom and the door was shut, they turned to Levi and asked what was wrong. Even saying it, he felt shallow and petty.

“Mum won’t let me borrow some money to take Erwin out. Or let me work to earn it. What the fuck can I do?”

“Oh Levi, I know you really want to treat Erwin, but do you have to take him out for food, why not cook again? That’s worked wonderfully the last few Saturday’s.”

“Exactly that’s the point. Next week is different, it’s his 18th. It’s gotta be something good not a shit home cooked tea.” He scowled, his breathing still not great. Hange recognised this straight away.

“Levi there’s no need to panic, we can figure something out to do for his birthday. Don’t panic, it’ll be fine.” Their voice was soothing, but not enough for Levi.

He called “ _shit_ ” out a few times before curling up in on himself. _Shit I’ve fucked this up. My mum hates me. Erwin hates me. Kenny was right. I’m worthless, useless. It should have been me in that house, not Isabel, not Farlan. It’s all my fault. Shit. Shit. My heart’s beating so quick, I’m going to fucking die._

Hange’s voice echoed around the room strongly: “Breathe in, Levi. Yeah, perfect. Now breathe out. Keep doing it. Think about something nice, like the milkshakes today. Keep doing it, keep breathing.”

After about ten minutes the panic exited the small body and Levi returned back to his normal self, but more introverted than usual. He sat on the floor now, knees curled tightly into his chest.

“So fucking embarrassing.” Was all he kept saying, and Hange kept trying to explain to him that it was the least embarrassing thing ever, but he wasn’t having any of it.

A few seconds later there was a knock at the door.

“Hange, darling, is there someone in there with you?” A very friendly male voiced echoed through the wood.

“Yeah, Levi’s here. He’s just come round for some advice about a friend’s birthday present.”

“Oh. Um, well I see.” The friendly voice replied as the door slowly opened.

“Hello, Levi. I’m Hange’s father – a pleasure to meet you.”

“Oh, hi. You too.” Levi replied. Their dad was very formal for just a casual friend coming round on a school night. It’s not like it was dodgy or anything.

“God dad don’t worry Levi’s _gay_.” Hange laughed out loudly with a slight snort. “And besides I’m with Petra.”

“Oh, well I see. As you were.” And the friendly man strutted out of the door, shutting it behind them again.

Levi smiled at his friend, “did he think we were trying to get together?”

“Yeah probably. I don’t think he likes the fact I’m with Petra.” Hange laughed again. “Just ignore him; he does it whenever there’s a man in my room, which believe me, is not very often. Although I seem to have become somewhat a counsellor to you, Erwin and Mike these past few weeks.”

“Erwin?” Levi asked, eyes wide.

“You’re not the only one who needs relationship advice, Levi. Anyway back to the situation, what restaurant was it you wanted to take Erwin to?”

“That nice Italian up at his end of town, near the French bakery. He points it out every time we walk past it.”

“Oh my god, Levi. Why didn’t you say sooner?! Our next door neighbour works there, I’m sure they’d be able to discount it for you subtly so Erwin wouldn’t know! I can just ask them!”

“No, Hange. I want to look good for once, to pay for it all myself.”

Hange nodded, thinking face showing. “Can you give me a few days to try and plan it out a bit? I will think of a solution to this. I promise Levi. And if not, we could use my neighbour as a last resort for you.”

Levi put his hands in the air in a surrendering way, “fine, fine, but please be quick about it. I need to write down my plan fully. It’s got to be perfect.”

Levi stood up, grabbing his jacket ready to head home.

“Hey, Hange. Thanks for tonight.” Levi said, turning back and smiling at his friend. He hadn’t been around someone when he had a panic attack in weeks, but Hange really helped him this evening. He felt a lot more relaxed after than he usually does.

“I’m always here for you, Levi. Don’t tell anyone, but you’re my favourite friend. After Petra. Obviously.”

Levi smiled, “you too.”

He headed out of the door, and walked home slowly ready to give Kuchel a huge apology for his actions. He was still annoyed about the money, but definitely felt terrible about talking to his own mum like that.

When he walked through the door at just past ten, Kuchel was still sat on the sofa. The TV was off and she was rubbing her forehead with two fingers and thumb, holding a cup in her other hand. The home phone was laid next to her.

Levi walked up and perched awkwardly on the corner of the sofa, looking over at his mum. She looked tired, he never noticed before, but really tired. She was working 6 days a week, sometimes for more than twelve hours at a time, and he had the cheek to have a go at her about it?

“Mum. I’m sorry.” Levi whispered quietly, looking down. He felt bad, really bad.

“No Levi, you don’t need to apologise. I’m the one who should be saying sorry. Erwin’s your first partner, it’s his big birthday. I should have remembered and saved up a bit for you.”

“I should just get a job, mum.” Levi muttered.

“No. Do any of your other friends have to work for their own money? I don’t want you to be left out again. I don’t want your teenage years to be taken away because of me, the same your childhood years were.”

“Mum my childhood years weren’t that bad. Izzie and Farlan, they were great.”

She sighed. He knew the years were that bad; they were horrendous. His mum was in rehab trying to get over her husband leaving, Kenny used Levi to help him commit petty crimes like theft. He got him involved in fighting at a young age. He hit him. Levi’s first friends had both died for the sake of money. Levi’s childhood was awful.

“Look. I’ll give you some money towards Erwin’s meal, but I can’t afford to be like this next month. Especially with your birthday and Christmas coming up, we’re going to have to make a lot of cut backs.”

“I don’t want anything.” Levi said. He hated his birthday; he didn’t like people spending stuff on him, and he definitely didn’t like the attention. Kuchel was clearly having none of that though. She’d had this battle for years, and now would just ignore Levi’s silly comments like that whenever they talked about it.

Kuchel pulled out a tin from the bookshelf, and opened it up. Inside was savings she’d built up for a rainy day. Taking out £40, she handed it to Levi.

“You and Erwin deserve something happy, after all this time.” Levi tentatively grabbed the money off her.

“You sure that’s okay mum?”

“Will it make you happy?”

Levi nodded.

“Then yes, I am definitely sure it’s okay. Now can I have a hug, Levi?”

He put the money neatly on the coffee table and went to lay his head in his mothers’ lap. She stroked the black hair off his forehead gently, the way she did when he was younger and was having a nightmare.

After a bit of sitting in silence, Levi decided he should explain to her where all the money she’d given him had gone.

“Mum I haven’t been wasting that money you gave me.”

“Hm? Where’s it gone if you’ve not wasted it?”

“I’ve been buying some smaller presents for Erwin too.”

“Ah, I see. Well I’m glad it hasn’t just gone on cinema tickets and sweets.” She smiled, “can I see what you’ve got him?”

Levi pulled his head from his mum’s lap and looked at her.

“Yeah, if you want.” He stood up, and she followed him into his bedroom that was clean and tidy as it always was. He sat at the bottom of his bed, pulling out all the gifts he’d bought Erwin and tucked away.

When Kuchel took the bolo tie her eyes shined at the beauty of it.

“Levi this is beautiful. Where did you find it?”

“That antique shop near your work. Thought it’s the sort of weird shit Erwin might like.”

“Language! But yes. You’re right, he definitely would like this.”

She smiled, closing the lid on the box the bolo tie came in and handing it back to her son.

“I can see you spent the money well, Levi. Erwin’s 18th will definitely be special. I also bought him a few bits. When I was sorting out the spare cupboard the other day, I found an old photo of you two when you were about ten playing in a paddling pool in front of the sweet shop. You looked so grumpy in it, just staring at Erwin, who in the photo is mid jump with a huge smile on his face. I framed that for him.

I also bought him some chocolates – 18 little truffles. I know it’s not much, but it’s the thought that counts.”

“He’ll like that, mum.” Levi remembers the paddling pool they were talking about. It was one that Kuchel picked up from a charity shop when it was really warm one summer. By the end of it, Erwin, Mike, Nile, and Levi had practically crushed the entire thing by sitting in it every day and night.

“Well I better head off to bed. Sleep well, Levi. Please turn the lights off in the main room when you’re going to sleep too.” He nodded.

“Sorry again, mum.”

She turned around, walked back to him and kissed his forehead.

“Forgiven.” She said, as she left Levi’s room her heart feeling warmth at the thought that her grumpy son had finally found someone who made him happy. It was what he deserved after all he’s been through over the years, which was a hell of a lot considering he’s only seventeen.

After the presents were all put away neatly, Levi wandered back into the living room and took the £40 he left on the table, popping it into his wallet. He locked the door, then did his triple checks before heading to the bathroom and finally bed.

Quickly remembering what had happened that night, he popped Hange a quick text.

23:10: Thanks Hange. Money all sorted now.

23:11: Good! I knew it’d be fine, night best friend Levi xxxxx

Levi smiled.

He closed his eyes. _Just over a week to go, let’s make this the most perfect birthday weekend ever._


	10. Erwin's Eighteenth: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's finally Erwin's birthday, and Levi wanted to make it as special as he could possibly. But before they can begin the actual celebrations, the Smith's host their traditional family party first the night before.

Friday the 13th rolled around pretty quickly, as did Erwin’s birthday party at their household. Erwin’s father was not happy that his son decided to invite all his friends to their family gathering, but agreed after Mrs Smith said they’d probably be distracted with each other and wouldn’t get into any bother anyway. But Mr Smith was least pleased about Levi coming.

They were sat in last period when Erwin’s phone went off next to Levi. He tried to glance over at the screen, but after seeing Erwin’s reaction he knew what the text would be. His sister couldn’t make it to her own brothers eighteenth birthday – too busy enjoying the high life in London to spend time on her brother. Erwin looked shattered, but kept a serious face for the rest of the class before wandering off to the restrooms before heading home.

Levi decided to wait for him. He said bye to his friends, and they had all arranged to meet on Erwin’s street at 8, giving his relatives time to arrive before they interrupted the party. Plus, if they got there after everyone else they wouldn’t have to join in on the meet and greets.

There was only one cubicle shut in the bathroom by the time Levi arrived, which was clearly where Erwin was.

“Hey Erwin.” Levi said, wandering in and avoiding touching anything in the room. He had his hand sanitizer in his pocket ready to use aggressively when he left the filthy room.

“Levi you hate it in here. You head off, I’ll see you tonight.” Levi swore he heard a little snuffle.

“Not until you tell me what’s up, mister.” He wandered over and stood right next to the cubicle, Erwin poking out of it a few seconds later.

“She’s not coming. She’s cancelled last night. Said she has a big meeting on Monday to prep for. I can understand, she’s busy. It would just have been nice for my own sister to come to my birthday, you know? Guess I’ll just have to see her at Christmas.” Erwin gave Levi a sad smile.

Levi knew that would be the case, but liked to double check anyway. He knew what it was like when people jumped to conclusions so made a rule to always ask before presuming.

“That’s shit, Erwin. I’m sorry.” Levi said. Usually now he’d hug him, but not where they were stood. He wasn’t going near anything in this room.

“Not your fault. Let me wash my hands and we can head off.” Erwin wandered over to the sinks and washed his hands thoroughly.

“Everyone’s pretty excited for tonight. Petra was showing me a new dress she’d bought especially for it. It’s navy. Looks really cool.” Levi said, trying his best to cheer Erwin up a bit. “What are you gonna wear?”

“Dad makes us dress up for events like this. So probably a smart shirt and trousers. You guys don’t need to dress up though. I think Mike’s only wearing a t shirt and jeans.”

“Sounds good.” Levi said.

They both walked out of the restroom, Levi drowning his hands with anti-bacterial wash, then gesturing Erwin to do the same. He obliged.

“My dad’s pretty annoyed I’m not inviting Nile and Marie on Sunday night for my friend gathering. I think he’s going to have to come tonight, since Mr Dok is coming too.”

 _Shit_ , Levi thought, _they better not come near me_.

Erwin looked at Levi, reading his mind. “Don’t worry, they won’t come near you. They’ll follow my dad round all night like the little lap dogs they are.” Erwin laughed.

Levi forced a little snigger too. It was the first time he heard Erwin downright say something bad about someone else. Clearly Levi’s influence had been rubbing off on him.

Once they approached the entrance of the school, Erwin took Levi round the back of the car park and gave him a quick kiss before they had to part ways.

“I’ll see you tonight then. What time are you all planning on getting to mine?”

“I think Hange said something about 8. Is that too late?”

“That’s perfect. I’ll see you shortly then, Levi.” With one more kiss, Erwin walked away in the opposite direction and Levi slowly wandered home.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket ready to plug in his headphones before noticing a text from Mike.

2:54: Hey buddy. Want me to pick you up something to drink tonight? X

Levi replied, grateful.

3:10: Yeah please. Something non-alcoholic.

3:11: Already on it : - ) X

And with that, Levi listened to music and walked home thinking if he had anything nice enough to wear. After the disastrous meal a month and a bit ago, it would be his first time seeing Erwin’s dad again, so he didn’t want to look scruffy. His best clothes were however saved for their posh meal the following evening, and he only had that one smart shirt. He had everything crossed that Kuchel would be in when he got home, and she was.

“Mum I need help!” he shouted from his wardrobe.

She rushed in, thinking there was an actual problem. Kuchel found it hard to tell with Levi when he was in actual trouble, or when he just wanted someone to pay attention to him. Whenever he shouted her name, he usually put on a strained moan.

“What is it, Levi?” she said, entering the room. Upon entrance, she saw her son knee deep in clothes leaning into his wardrobe. Jumpers and black jeans surrounded his feet. She chuckled a bit, “what’s up?”

“It’s not funny. I have nothing to wear.” He grumbled.

“Seems like it.” She said, picking some of the fallen clothes off the floor and neatly folding them back up for him. She knew it’d annoy him if they were in a mess once he’d stopped looking. “What did Erwin tell you to wear?”

“He didn’t. Mike’s going in a t-shirt and jeans, apparently.” He moved some more clothes out of the way, “and Erwin’s going like full suit. So there’s not really a good balance there. But I need to look good so shitty Mr Smith doesn't decide to hate me more.”

Ignoring Levi's foul language picked up from Kenny Ackerman, Kuchel responded. “Well, why don’t you make a balance? Wear your black skinny jeans, and a shirt. That’d look nice.”

“I don’t have another smart shirt. I need it for tomorrow.” He groaned under his breath, trying to find something that clearly didn’t exist. “Fucks sake” he muttered.

“Wear the shirt you’re planning to wear tomorrow.” Kuchel said as she walked out of the room and into her own, pretending further to not notice Levi’s crude mouth. He did as he was told and put on the black skinny jeans and shirt.

He also had opted to wear his glasses instead of his contacts, in hope of a somewhat subtle disguise from Nile and his dad that evening. It seemed to work, he looked a little less like Levi.

A few minutes later once Levi was dressed Kuchel walked in with a carrier bag in her hands. “This was meant to be a present for your birthday, but clearly this weekend is a big thing for you. Especially if you’re meeting the whole Smith family.” She passed the bag over.

Levi opened it and pulled out a crisp white shirt. Along the collar and cuffs there was a fine layer of dotted black silk, and black buttons laid down the front of the shirt.

“Now you can look lovely and smart for your meal tomorrow.” She said, beaming. Levi was taken aback. He wasn’t expecting a present.

“Oh wow. Thank you mum, it's great! You sure I can have it early?” He announced, taking it out of the bag and hanging it up quickly so the creases would have time to fall out.

Kuchel nodded, approving the early gift. He walked over to his mum and wrapped his arms around her, giving her a quick hug. Looking over at the time, he realised he was going to be late.

“Shit! I’ve got ten minutes to get there.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll run you there. Go get your shoes on.”

He smiled at her gratefully and did as he was told. When he got home from school earlier that day he made sure to polish up his ankle boots so they were clean and presentable for that evening. He laced them up over the bottom of his jeans, straightened his hair one last time in the mirror, and waited for his mum by the door to come back with car keys.

“You look very handsome Levi.”

“Thanks” he mumbled, a little embarrassed.

The two drove there pretty quickly, and she pulled up on the curb where Mike and Nanaba were already waiting.

“Behave you three! Enjoy!” Kuchel shouted.

“Thanks Miss Ackerman. I’ll get Levi home safely if Erwin can’t leave, don’t worry.” She smiled at Mike and drove off.

It always annoyed Levi a bit that his friends were always so protective over him when it came to walking home alone or in the dark, however since the Nile incident Levi had grown to appreciate it, and slowly cringed less and less the more his friends offered. And he knew it made Kuchel not worry as much, so that was another thing.

Mike was wearing what Erwin said he would: a dark red t shirt and some black jeans. Nanaba was matching in a deep red shirt and a pair of black pants rolled up at the bottom. They were such a perfect looking couple; they matched perfectly.

“You look good, Levi.” Mike commented, “You suit glasses.”

“Thanks.” He said, smiling. “And thanks for getting me a drink.”

“That’s alright. I’ll keep it in the bag with ours until we get inside. Just need to wait for Hange and Petra to arrive.”

The two came around the corner just seconds after the announcement, both looking wonderful. Petra was wearing the navy dress she showed Levi earlier that day, and it hung on her perfectly. Hange opted for a full suit – they would never go underdressed to a party.

“How do we look, guys?” They exclaimed, walking up to the three stood waiting.

“Amazing.” Nanaba said, walking behind the two boys and linking arms with Petra. The two had become really close in the past month, which Nanaba loved as she felt more involved in the friendship group that way.

“Right, let’s head in then!” Mike announced, and the five wandered up the steps together.

After knocking at the door, Mrs Smith appeared and let them all inside, pointing them in the direction of cups, nibbles and Erwin. He was stuck with his dad talking to someone else who was very tall with bleach blonde hair: probably another relative.

Mike lifted out the bottle he bought for Levi – an apple and elderflower juice that looked delicious. Levi was impressed with his choice. Once everyone had a drink poured, the five went to find seats in the corner of the room away from everyone.

Levi glanced and scanned the room as soon as he sat down looking for Nile and Marie. They clearly weren’t here yet, so he relaxed into his seat next to Petra a bit and kept chatting to her until Erwin walked over.

“Hi guys. Thanks so much for coming.” He smiled at them all. His gaze held on Levi for a bit longer than everyone else. “Levi, you need something to eat?”

“Uh, yeah sure.” Levi said, pulling himself off the chair and following Erwin round into the dining room, everyone making quiet woo’s behind them and smirking. Clearly their alcohol had started to go to their heads already.

When Erwin checked no one else was in the room he shut the door behind him and pushed Levi against it.

“Levi you look amazing” his breath was heavy, breathing onto Levi’s neck. He planted a soft kiss there, then moved his eyes back up and locked them with Levi’s.

“You scrubbed up pretty good too, Erwin.” Levi said, wrapping his arms around his boyfriends’ neck. Their lips met and bodies pulled into each other. They kissed for a few minutes before Levi pulled away, flushing.

“Erwin we better stop. No one’s drunk enough yet to notice the main guy is missing.”

“Fine, but we have to sneak off a bit later. Promise?”

“I promise.” Levi said, standing on his tip toes and planting a soft kiss on Erwin’s nose. He walked over to the table and grabbed a handful of sweets.

“Got to make it look like we came for some food, don’t we?”

Erwin nodded and laughed. Levi was very subtle and tactical – he knew how to avoid awkward confrontations and keep suspicions at bay. The two emerged from the room a bit later and walked back to their group of friends, Levi nibbling on the sweets.

“What, you have sweets here Erwin?!” Hange shouted, weirdly loudly, eyes sparkling.

“Yeah, there’s loads. Just in the dining room round the corner.” Erwin smiled at them, and then they stood up and wandered off, returning with the whole bowl a few minutes later, and placing it on the corner of the table they were gathered around. Everyone laughed a little bit.

“What you drinking, Erwin? You can now legally have alcohol since it’s your 18th. Well, tomorrow.”

“Oh no I’m on the juice tonight. Well, some non-alcoholic punch my mum made.” Erwin looked at Levi and smiled. “Decided it’s best to keep a somewhat clear head whilst all my family is here.”

“That is a very sensible idea, Smith. But perhaps you’re spending too much time around our sober Levi here.” Mike laughed, taking a swig of beer. Just then, Mrs Smith led four more people into the room: Nile Dok, his parents, and Marie. All dressed in formal suits and floating dresses.

Erwin looked at the door, then back to his group of friends, rolling his eyes.

“Excuse me. I have to say hi to these.” Erwin said, taking his hand away from Levi that seemed to be resting on his shoulder, leaving it feeling cold.

Mike leaned into Levi, whispering to him as subtly as a drunk person can. “Don’t worry Levi. They come near you, I’ll be there to guard you. Especially from Nile. Marie isn’t so bad.”

“Tch. Can look after myself.” He mumbled, but Levi smiled at Mike, thankful for his friendship. He turned his body to face Petra and they continued the conversation they were having earlier.

When the sweet bowl was almost empty, Marie wandered over to them all sat around it and perched on the corner of the sofa next to Mike.

“Hiya guys, feel like we’ve not spoke properly in ages! How are you all doing?” she asked, smiling at them all.

Everyone sort of fell silent and looked at each other in glances. “Yeah we’re good.” Nanaba answered, trying to blend the awkwardness.

“Good. It’s nice you came to Erwin’s birthday. He doesn’t usually invite friends to things like this.”

“Is that why you come then?” Levi muttered under his breath, and Petra elbowed his side trying to nudge him to be a little subtler.

Luckily enough, Marie didn’t hear him and just continued chatting away.

“I always get so bored when I come to things with Nile, he always has to go around and have serious conversations with people. Blah, blah, blah. I hate it.” She laughed to herself, taking a sip of wine.

Levi couldn’t stop looking at her and thinking about the fact that she’d slept with Erwin before. He couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealously. _I want to do something more tomorrow. Something more than just kissing. I want to be better than her._

He completely zoned out of the conversation until she announced she was going back off to try find her boyfriend, probably sensing the awkwardness of everyone around her. No one really liked her anymore simply because she was with Nile, and everyone by now knew about the homecoming dance night and decided they didn’t want to be friends with a homophobe.

Hours passed by until Erwin came back from finally speaking to all the guests at the party, and went to join his friends for a bit. Most of the older family members with kids had left by this point. Levi was lucky enough to have not bumped into Erwin’s dad yet. Although he’d caught him looking at him a few times: it was clear they were both avoiding each other.

“Sorry guys, I had to go around and thank everyone for coming and for my presents.” He pointed to the table that was piled high with cards and presents. “The Smith family is quite big, as you can probably see.” He laughed a bit, and then settled in the space next to Levi. Mike and Nanaba had disappeared to the garden.

“That’s okay, Erwin.” Petra said. She was the only one who wasn’t that drunk. Mike was practically on top of Nanaba on the sofa he was so drunk, which is why he took her out to the garden. God knows what they were doing now.

Hange was just lulling about in the seat next to Petra, occasionally bashing their head on the side of the arm and laughing at it.

“I think we might have to get off, though Erwin. Seems Hange has had too much to drink, again.” Petra rolled her eyes, smiling.

“That’s okay. Thank you so much for coming. On Sunday I promise I’ll be able to spend more time with you.”

“Thanks for having us, and happy birthday for tomorrow. Have a lovely day with Levi.” Petra leant up and kissed Erwin’s cheek, giving him a cuddle. She hooked her arm around Hange, and headed outside on the phone to her mum.

“Finally just you.” Levi joked, looking up at his boyfriend.

“Want to go upstairs for a bit? Mum and dad are chatting to my auntie and uncle, they won’t notice.”

Levi’s eyes widened a bit. Whenever Erwin suggested doing something instead of springing it on him, it always made him get butterflies in the pit of his stomach.

Quietly, the two boys sneaked upstairs and headed straight to Erwin’s room. They were kissing each other, hands fumbling around even before the door was fully shut. Levi nudged at it with his foot as Erwin knocked him backwards onto the bed, climbing on top of him.

Their mouths opened at the same time, parting widely to embrace each other. Levi wrapped his legs around Erwin’s hips as Erwin pressed himself down onto his boyfriend more. He could feel how excited the smaller one was between his legs, making blood flush down into his intimate area.

Erwin ground himself against Levi, brushing heavily on his thighs. Into the kiss, a deep groan of pleasure was released. Erwin did it again, liking Levi’s reaction.

The dark hair boys’ hands slid down the back of Erwin’s body, sliding his jacket off in the process. His nails dug into the muscular back through the shirt, and this time Erwin let out a little noise of pleasure. He squeezed himself closer to Levi, before pulling off slightly to undo a few of his buttons, exposing the bare chest to place kisses up and down it, then onto his neck.

“Shit” Levi moaned out, throwing his head back slightly.

Erwin stopped and looked up at his lover, eyes glistening with hunger. “Am I going too quickly, Levi?”

“No it’s fine. I’ll say if I want to stop.” Levi pulled Erwin’s head back up to his own and locked lips again, kissing even more passionately this time. They were nothing but a collection of moans, and pleasurable swearing when neither boy heard the door to Erwin’s bedroom open. It was when they heard a soft female voice that they stopped, Levi rolling onto his front as quick as he could to cover his chest and his excitement.

“Oh. Well, erm. I’m sorry for interrupting you two.” Mrs Smith’s cheeks were flushed pink as she turned her back and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Erwin stood up quickly, and ran to the door buttoning the rest of his shirt as he did. “Mum, wait!” He called out, causing her to stop on top of the landing.

“Erwin, you could have told me. I’d have left you both to it.”

Erwin looked down. He felt so embarrassed: eye contact was not what he wanted right now, not after what his own mother had just seen.

“Sorry I just, I didn’t know how you’d take it. And I’m damn sure dad won’t like it.” Erwin said.

Mrs Smith looked up at Erwin, “Honey I don’t care what your father thinks. He won’t find out anyway, don’t worry. As long as you’re happy.” She smiled. “I had no idea you fancied boys though, Erwin. I wouldn’t have gone on about how we want you to find a girl like Marie so much last time Levi was round if I knew you were dating. How silly of me.”

“No sorry mum, I should have told you sooner. I just, I guess I was scared.”

“Do your friends know?” She asked.

“Only Mike, Hange, Petra, and Nanaba. Don’t tell Marie or Nile whatever you do.”

“I promise I won’t tell anyone. I can clearly see that the two of you are trying to keep this a secret, and I’ll respect that. I’m glad it’s Levi. He deserves someone like you to keep him happy.” She reached her hand up to squeeze Erwin’s cheek.

“Is this partly why Nile and Levi got into the fight the other week?” Erwin nodded at her question, and she let out a deep sigh.

“Well I’m glad I know now. Thanks Erwin. Next time, tell me, and I’ll avoid going into your room when he’s round.”

“Mum,” Erwin groaned, laughing a bit. He was relieved that she’d reacted in such a positive way, and also weirdly relieved that he wasn’t going to have to do the awkward sit down and talk about how he’s got a boyfriend now. She gave him a cheeky wink and headed down the stairs, back to the party. “Don’t disappear up here for too long though, people will notice if the main party boy is missing.”

Erwin laughed, nodding, and then turned around and headed back into the room where he found Levi sat up on the bed, clothes back on properly, rocking backwards and forwards slightly. Panicked eyes glared right up at Erwin the second he entered the room.

“Will she tell anyone?” He asked, quickly. Erwin then came to realise that Nile and Marie were both still here at the party.

“No, don’t worry Levi. She likes you too much to do that.” Erwin smiled and came to sit next to Levi wrapping his arm around him. The shaking stopped a bit, and after a while, it had completely gone.

“Please can we stay up here til Nile leaves? Please.” Levi asked, his voice a little shaky at the thought of him seeing them both descend the stairs together.

“Of course we can, Levi.” Erwin said placing a soft kiss on his head. He fell into the taller boys’ body, letting heavy arms embrace him for a hug. They both sat there for a while, just taking each other in. There was no need to speak. It was nice to just spend time _together_.

Trying to distract himself, Levi looked at his phone for the time, almost midnight. “You’re 18 soon Erwin, you excited to finally be a legal man?”

“I’m pretty sure I’ve always been a man, Levi.” Erwin chuckled.

“No you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, although not much changes really. I can just drink legally, and vote. I think that’s it.” Levi nodded; it was weird that 18 was such a celebrated birthday for not much change, but oh well.

They both heard the front door go then, and Mrs Smith walked back up the stairs and politely knocked on Erwin’s door saying, “it’s me”, and waiting for Erwin’s response, and then stepping inside. The two boys hadn’t moved; they were just sat on bed hugging, fully clothed.

“I’m just letting you know that everyone’s gone home now. Levi I’d run you home sweetie but I’ve had a glass of wine. Is your mum coming for you?” It was clear that everyone just indicated that Nile and Marie were gone, but Erwin and Levi were both happy for the avoidance of their names.

“Yeah she told me to text her if I want to get picked up.”

“Okay, that’s fine. Just come say bye before you go.” She smiled, and left the two alone before shutting the door.

Levi watched the clock on his phone as it turned to midnight, then taking that as a sign to lean over and kiss his boyfriend.

“Happy birthday, Erwin.” He whispered into the kiss.

He climbed over the tall blonde body then and rang his mum, who answered after one ring. She was clearly expecting him to phone: Mike wasn’t known for handling his drink well, so doubted he’d be able to walk him home.

“Hey mum. Would you pick me up?”

“Yeah of course I can. I’ll set off now. Would Mike and Nanaba, Hange or Petra like a lift too?”

“Hange and Petra have gone. I’ll ask Mike and Nanaba. Thanks mum.” He said, remembering that they were probably still somewhere in the garden. He doubted that Mrs Smith would know.

“Guess I’m off now, Erwin. But I’ll see you tomorrow. Make sure to dress smart.”

“I will do, captain.” He motioned a mock salute and stood up, giving Levi one last cuddle and a kiss. The two walked downstairs and found Nanaba and Mike sprawled out on the sofa, practically asleep.

“Come on guys. Mums dropping you off.”

Levi poked at Mike’s body, who instantly sat up to that, causing Nanaba to sit up too. He groaned.

“Bye Erwin” Mike stumbled out of his mouth as the two boys practically had to carry him to the door, Nanaba walking steadily behind them. “Happy birthday mate.”

Erwin smiled, “thank you.”

Levi left Mike leaning against the door frame as he wandered around the house looking for Mrs Smith to say bye to before he left. He didn’t want to get on her bad side, especially now she knew their secret. He wanted to be polite and do what she asked, which was to find her to say bye.

Levi found her clearing the table and moving pots and bowls into the kitchen. He picked a few up, carrying them over too.

“Ah, thank you Levi. Makes my life a bit easier.” She smiled at him, but his face remained stoic. He was feeling very anxious about the whole situation. Her voice dropped to a very quiet whisper. “Don’t worry. No one will find out as long as I’m alive. I’ll keep it a secret. But if you ever need to talk to anyone, about anything. I’m here.” She said, putting a hand on his shoulder and smiling.

Relief flushed through his body.

“Thanks.” He said in reply, before his phone started vibrating in his pocket. “Mums here, I better go. Thanks for having us all.” He said, smiling at her.

“You’re more than welcome. I’ll drop Erwin off tomorrow after he’s opened all his presents.”

He smiled one last time, before heading back to the front door seeing his mums car pulled up just outside. Mike was babbling on at Erwin, pointing drunkenly in his face.

“No but really, mate, you have found a good guy.”

“Yeah I know thanks Mike. Now off you plop, Kuchel is here.”

“I mean it. Don’t you hurt my little Levi!” He reached down trying to ruffle Levi’s hair, but he quickly ducked avoiding any touches that he might get.

“Don’t call me fucking little.”

The three helped Mike into the back seat of the car, then Nanaba climbed over, pulling the chair back with her for Levi to sit in.

“See you tomorrow, Erwin.” Levi smiled, sitting down into the front seat. Erwin leant down and kissed Levi on the cheek, causing him to turn bright pink and a drunk Mike to erupt with excitement. “You guys are sooo lovely aww” was all he heard from the back seat.

“Happy birthday Erwin, sweetheart. See you tomorrow.”

“Thanks Miss Ackerman, see you later.”

He watched as the car drove off down the street, and walked back to his room smiling to himself. _What a great way to start my 18 th year._

                                                ***

Erwin awoke early the next day and did the usual traditional birthing routine. He sat at the table, eating pancakes with his mum and dad with his favourite toppings: maple syrup, strawberries, and some cream.

After eating they all proceed to the lounge where Erwin sits to open his presents. He got a lot of money from relatives that didn’t know him very well, his sister posted him some gifts in the post: new clothes, a new watch with “Happy Birthday little Bro” engraved in it, and some more money. He got sweets, a lot of alcohol, and a lot of wine glasses with his age written on them.

His mum and dad gave him their gift then: there was two parts. The first was a small golden chain, and then the second a set of keys.

“What are these for?” he asked, already smiling.

“Well, let us show you.” Mr Smith said, standing up smiling at his son.

They all walked outside where a brand new BMW was parked in the driveway, a big blue bow on the front of it. They’d gotten Erwin his own car, after learning almost a year ago and passing within the first few months.

“Oh my god, thank you so much!” He exclaimed, giving them both a hug, before running up to it and looking at it. It was a deep blue with no miles on it. It had a new air freshener in it that made the car smell of cotton rather than that new car scent. He loved it.

After spending a long time looking at it properly, he decided it was time to head inside to get ready for the day. After showering and dressing, he started to style his hair properly in the bedroom. Following strict instructions by Levi, he wore a smart outfit: a crisp blue shirt, deep black trousers, his knee high boots as usual, and a smart black jacket.

Mrs Smith stood at the door watching him play with his hair.

“You look very handsome, Erwin.” She smiled at him through the mirror. “I can’t believe you’re so grown up now.”

He laughed. “I know, I feel so old! I’m the first one to turn 18!”

She smiled and walked into the room, shutting the door and sitting on the bed. It was the first chance she had to properly talk to Erwin about Levi.

“So how long have you and Levi been together?”

“Probably just over a month. First week of September.” He said, concentrating on neatening his hair.

“And how did this come about?” She asked, smiling.

“We went to the cinema with Hange and Petra last month. Then I walked him home after, and we just kissed. The next day we decided to properly date, and now here we are.”

She looked at him and smiled again, warmly. “How long have you liked him for?”

“Years, mum. Literally from before I was with Marie. I never thought he’d be gay though, to be honest. Luckily for me he is.” Erwin smiled then, laughing a bit. He started to fasten his new watch on his wrist.

She decided to not press about the Levi-Nile fight yet since it was her son’s birthday, and decided to leave the questions at that for today.

As he stood from the dresser, his mother stood alongside him and wrapped her arms around him. Erwin towered above her now: he’d have a growth spurt in the last month and was now over 6 foot tall, his mum only a couple inches taller than Levi.

“Ah, I love you Erwin. I’m so proud of you. You’re an amazing young man, and I’m happy you’re with Levi.”

He wrapped his strong arms around her and squeezed her tightly.

“Thank you mum. And thank you for the presents, they’re both amazing.” After releasing from the hug, he walked to grab his bag, “I better get going to Levi’s. I’ll be home tonight, I won’t be late.”

“Levi can sleep over if you’d like him to. Just give me a text and let me know.”

Erwin smiled. “Thanks mum. I’ll ask him.”

As he walked out of the room, she joked, “you can sleep in the same room too. I won’t be strict like I was with Marie.” She winked at him, and turning a bit pink, Erwin left the house and climbed into his new car.

Quickly enough, he pulled up at Levi’s and parked outside next to Kuchel’s car. Looking at his watch, he realised he got there just in time before his mum had to head to work.

Levi was stood at the door frame before Erwin even started walking up the stairs.

“New present?” He asked, eyeing up the car.

“Yep. Courtesy of the adult Smith’s.” He smiled, feeling very proud of his new transport. Kuchel appeared at the door then, gasping at the BMW.

“Jesus Erwin that’s an amazing car. What a lovely present!” Erwin was walking up the stairs by this point, smiling.

“Happy birthday, sweetie.” Kuchel said, giving Erwin a squeeze before heading back inside.

“Yeah, happy birthday Erwin.” He leant up to kiss his cheek whilst Kuchel wasn’t looking: he still felt embarrassed about doing ‘couple’ like things in front of his mum.

The two walked inside, locking the door behind them. On the table laid a homemade cake, and presents wrapped in two different papers.

“Oh wow, you didn’t have to.” Erwin said, genuinely a bit taken a back. He wasn’t expecting this much from either of them, maybe just a card. He felt emotional at how lovely they were being.

“Don’t be silly Erwin, you do so much for us. It’s only fair we do something back. Here, open mine first. I’ll leave Levi’s for when I’m at work.” She smiled, handing him the two gifts. “They’re not much, just a little something. And I baked the cake, so that counts.” She laughed a bit.

Erwin took the gifts from her gratefully and sat down, placing them both on his lap. “Thank you. Which shall I open first?” Levi sat down next to him then, and Kuchel sat on the arm of the sofa at the other side.

“Open the box.” Kuchel suggested. As he did, 18 perfect truffles were revealed from his favourite chocolatiers.

“You’ve remembered my favourite chocolatiers? I’ve not been there in years. They make the nicest truffles ever. Thank you so much, Miss Ackerman.”

“That’s okay, Erwin. Had to get you a proper treat for your 18th! Now the other gift.”

As he unwrapped the paper slowly, the small photo was revealed of him and Levi. A huge smile lit up his face, and his eyes even watered a bit. Whilst a car, new watches, money – these were all nice presents, but nothing beat something as thoughtful as what the Ackerman’s would put together.

Trying to hold back getting emotional, he started laughing. “It is literally just the same as me and Levi now. Grumpy Levi, and me just acting silly.”

Kuchel smiled, “that’s exactly what I thought. That’s why I picked it for you.” She looked at the two on the sofa. “Can I get a quick photo of you both now? It would be the perfect comparison.”

“No mum” Levi said, still sat in a jumper and jeans. He hadn’t bothered to get properly dressed up yet, not until after Erwin opened the rest of his gifts.

“Oh come on Levi, for the memories.”

He crossed his arms and rolled his eyes as Kuchel shot the photo quickly. After showing them both it, and them both smiling at it, she picked up her bag and went off to work, wishing Erwin a second happy birthday, and him getting up and kissing her cheek to say thank you for his lovely gifts.

Erwin turned to face Levi then, still smiling. “Can I open your presents now, Levi?”

Levi grunted. He was starting to feel nervous about the gifts: they were cheesy, for the most part. “They’re not as good as a car.”

Erwin kissed him, “I’m sure they’re a hundred times better.”

They both stood up and proceeded to the table where Erwin opened his favourite sweets, his favourite film, and their favourite console game from a few years ago that Erwin misplaced. Levi then passed him over the shirt he wanted him to open next.

Pulling it out, a crisp white shirt appeared. It had a subtle grey paisley print on it. “Oh wow Levi, this is so nice.”

“You need to put it on.” Levi said in return, trying to hide his relief with a stroppy face.

“Now?” Erwin asked, getting more curious about why Levi had requested him to dress up so much for a simple meal at home.

“No, after you’ve opened the rest of your presents.” Levi said, passing him over the small box next containing the bolo tie.

As Erwin opened the box and pulled the tie out, his eyes began to water even more. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to contain tears this time: everything was so thoughtful and overwhelming. It was like the one he’d had when he was younger that his grandad gave him: the one he loved so much. But this one was an even nicer one – the colour prettier, the style better.

“Oh wow Levi,” Erwin said, pulling the item from the box and looking at it closely. “This is perfect.” A small tear slipped from his eye then.

“Shit don’t cry, is it that bad?” Levi asked, still nervous about the gifts.

“No it’s – it’s just amazing. I wasn’t expecting this at all.”

Relief shot through the smaller boy, “oh. Phew.” Was all he could say, but he was smiling. A proper smile too, showing teeth.

Erwin leant across the table and kissed Levi, before pulling back to look at all his gifts.

“I’ve never had such thoughtful presents. This is wonderful.”

“There’s still this.” Levi said, passing an envelope across the table for Erwin. It was clearly a birthday card. “I’m gonna go get properly dressed whilst you read it.” Quickly rushing to his bedroom and shutting the door.

Levi was very bad at expressing himself, but he wanted Erwin to know how much he liked him. So he wrote it all down, but after handing it over, he was regretting it a bit.

Erwin sat at the table and opened the envelope gently: an invitation fell out at the same time, but he ignored that to read what Levi had written in it.

On the front of the card there was a teddy bear holding a heart with “for my boyfriend” written above the top. Erwin smiled at the thought of Levi going into a shop to buy it. He was pretty sure Petra or Hange would have gone to the till for him.

He opened it up.

_To Erwin,_

_Happy birthday. I hope I can make today the best day ever, you deserve it more than most people I know. In fact, more than anyone I know. I just want to say thank you for being there for me all these years. I am very lucky to have an Erwin Smith in my life. Happy birthday again._

_Lots of hugs  
Levi X_

Erwin closed the card and held it to his chest, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. _Was that Levi admitting he loves me?_ After holding it there for a second, he placed it down and looked at the invitation, stating Levi was taking him to his favourite Italian restaurant for lunch. Erwin pushed himself away from the table then, smiling, and headed over to Levi’s bedroom.

“I’ve read it, Levi. You’re safe to come out.”

“Wait!” Levi shouted, voice muffled. He was still in the middle of getting dressed. “Go put your new shirt on.”

“Okay, will do” Erwin replied, grabbing his present and heading to the bathroom. He reappeared minutes later with his bolo tie round his neck, and shirt buttoned up.

Knocking on the door again, “Levi can I come in now, I’m ready?” He asked.

“Yeah okay.” Levi replied. When Erwin walked in he saw his boyfriend in the mirror buttoning his shirt to the top – it was tucked into the top of his trousers, with a thick black belt on show. He’d also opted to wear his glasses, since Erwin once commented he liked him in them.

“Levi you look amazing.” Erwin breathed, walking up to his boyfriend and wrapping his warms around him. Levi spun round to face Erwin, kissing him softly on the lips, grabbing at his bolo tie as he did so.

“Are you ready to head off? The table’s booked for 1, it’s 10 to now.”

“Yes of course.” Erwin said, smiling. Levi grabbed his wallet and jacket, heading out of the house. After doing his usual checks, Erwin took his hand and held it tightly as they walked to the car.

Once there, Erwin opened the passenger side of Levi. “I’m not incapable, Erwin.” Levi said, rolling his eyes.

“I’ve always wanted to open the door for my boyfriend, Levi. Surely you would have guessed that about me.”

“Yep. So predictable.” Levi laughed, fastening his seatbelt.

The two drove to the Italian restaurant speedily, parking up outside in the car park. Once out of the car, Erwin took Levi’s hand again and held it tightly as they walked into the Italian. He didn’t care if anyone saw right now, he was too content. And he knew Levi wouldn’t refuse him since it was his birthday.

They got seated, ordered, and started talking together. Erwin was still feeling so overwhelmed that Levi had put all this together for him, but he also felt worried that too much money would have been spent. After their main course was eaten and taken away, they ordered a chocolate cake for desert.

“Levi, would you like to sleep over at my house tonight?” Erwin asked.

“Well, I can’t refuse the birthday boy, can I?” Levi said, smiling.

Erwin gulped then, as did Levi. They hadn’t actually had a sleepover at Erwin’s house since they started dating properly – mainly because Levi was avoiding Erwin’s dad. When they slept over at Levi’s, Erwin would always have to sleep on the floor because Levi’s bed was too small - it was the first time they’d be falling asleep next to each other, in bed together. Levi flushed just thinking about it.

The restaurants lights dimmed as Erwin’s pudding was brought out, a single candle in the centre of it. Everyone erupted to singing happy birthday, and Erwin turned bright red. Levi snuck a few photos on his phone.

Once they’d shared the pudding and finished off their drinks, the two decided to go home and pack Levi’s things for staying over. They were going to call and let Kuchel know on the way.

Levi paid exiting the Italian: a total of £38. He could only just afford it with what Kuchel had given him and felt terrible about it. _I promise I’ll make it up to her._

Erwin took Levi’s hand as soon as they were outside walking to the car again, and quickly grabbed him in front of the car and pulled him in for a kiss.

“So far today has been the most perfect birthday ever, Levi. Thank you so much for everything.”

Levi blushed, “yeah whatever.” Secretly, he was feeling incredibly happy.

Kuchel gave Levi permission to stay over at Erwin’s that evening on the grounds that he had to “behave” with a subtle wink. She then gave them both a free milkshake, and they sat down at the bar with her whilst they talked about the food they’d just eaten.

Levi lifted his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through all the photos he’d taken of Erwin getting serenaded by the waiters. She laughed. Erwin looked so handsome and manly on them all.

After sitting with Levi’s mum for a good hour, the two headed to Levi’s house to pack his bag. Then unpack it to check he had everything, then repack it again.

“Toothbrush. Pyjamas. Spare socks. Spare underwear. Clothes for tomorrow. Contact lenses. Charger. Anything else I need?”

“No that sounds like everything” Erwin replied, picking up his bag of gifts from the Ackermans. “Ready?”

“Yeah I think so.” Levi lifted the cake off the table and they carried them down to the car, before Levi ran upstairs to check everything was locked up.

He held the cake in the car all the way home, and once they pulled up Mrs Ackerman headed outside to meet her son and boyfriend at the car. She took the cake out of Levi’s hands so he could climb out.

“Hi Mrs Smith” Levi said.

“Oh hello dear. This cake looks amazing! Is it from the French bakery?”

“Mum made it.” He said, head in the car, pulling his bag out. Erwin appeared round the other side holding all his new presents.

“New shirt Erwin?” she paused, noticing the bolo tie. “Oh wow that’s beautiful. Did you get him that Levi? It’s just like the one he had years ago. What a thoughtful present.”

Levi smiled, and the three of them walked inside, before Levi followed Erwin upstairs to place his bag in the room unpacking his clothes and hanging them up neatly.

Erwin displayed his new picture frame at the side of his bed, and pulled all his other gifts out placing them on top of his dresser.

The two of them spent the rest of the evening sat with Mrs Smith watching Erwin’s favourite things on TV. At dinner time, she made her sons favourite food: lasagne. Over dinner, Mr Smith barely spoke and seemed to be on his best behaviour. Levi felt very anxious about the dinner at first, but soon felt calmer when he noticed Mr Smith was also a lot more relaxed with him.

After they cleared the table and all enjoyed a slice of Kuchel’s birthday cake, they all went to the living room.

“What do you fancy watching, Erwin? Since it’s your birthday.”

“Levi bought me my favourite film on DVD, let me just go get it.”

He dashed upstairs quickly, leaving Levi awkwardly sat with Mr and Mrs Smith in the living room.

“Levi, the presents you bought Erwin were so wonderful and thoughtful. You’ll have to thank your mum for us too, we’re very grateful he has a friend like you.” Mrs Smith said, smiling.

“It’s okay. I will do.” Levi replied, fidgeting slightly, trying to watch for Mr Smith’s reaction. He didn’t even look up from the newspaper he was reading.

“Here it is!” Erwin called, sitting down next to Levi.

The Smith’s all sat in silence, enjoying the film, until late at night.


	11. First Times (well, sort of)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the evening of Erwin's birthday, and Levi is sleeping over at his house. Cheeky things pursue.

“Right, think its bedtime for us old folks.” Mrs Smith said, sitting up out of her chair. Mr Smith followed and also stood up, leaving the room first without saying a word. He was slightly annoyed that his son was spending his birthday night with a friend and not his family, or a girlfriend.

“Thanks again for today.” Erwin smiled at his mum who then reached down to give him a quick cuddle.

“That’s okay dear. Night boys. Your father and I are out in the morning, we’ll probably be gone for a few hours. I’ll give you a text when we’re coming home.”

“Okay. Have fun.” Erwin replied, and she left the living room closing the door shut behind them. Once the coast was clear Levi laid back and rested on his tall boyfriend, head in lap, looking up at him.

“Was your birthday good, Erwin?” Levi asked, eyes glistening in the lights above his head.

“The best yet.” Erwin replied, bending his back down to kiss Levi on the lips. Levi obliged, kissing back. His thin arms snaked around the blonde’s neck as the larger boys fell to rest on Levi’s cheeks. Levi took the lead and parted his mouth slightly, allowing for Erwin’s tongue to slip in. Levi pulled his head further down, closer. Their kissing got a bit more passionate; more aggressive. Levi’s grasp slowly started to feel needier.

Erwin pulled his head back, eyes filled with lust. “Shouldn’t we do this upstairs?” He asked.

Levi sat up and looked his boyfriend in the eyes before nodding.

He had expected something to happen that night: it was their first night in the same bed as a couple, it was Erwin’s birthday. Levi also said to himself that he wanted to do _it_ at Erwin’s party: he wanted to beat Marie.

The two boys stood up and Levi walked to the hallway whilst Erwin checked everything was turned off and locked up. When he was happy it was, they both headed up the stairs together holding hands.

Once they reached Erwin’s room, Levi went to grab his bag and his pyjamas.

“I’m gonna use your bathroom.”

“Feel free. I’ll just tidy up a bit.” Erwin said.

Levi walked into the bathroom and stripped off, hopping into the shower. He washed thoroughly and quickly, his heart pounding and his grip nervously shaking. He was so excited, but so scared.

He climbed out of the shower and decided to pop Hange a quick text: they’d know what to do in situations like this.

23:40: Me and Erwin about to go to bed. Help?

The reply came through within less than a second.

23:40: Have fun. Don’t do anything you’re not ready to. Good luck xxx

Levi rolled his eyes. _Helpful, Hange, thanks_.

He brushed his teeth in the sink and washed around his lips after. Whilst still stood nude, he inspected his body. It was small and looked frail. He did have a few muscles forming on his biceps and his stomach, but he still saw himself as the weedy little child he was when he lived with Kenny.

He groaned looking at himself. _I’m not exactly the most attractive person ever. Why does Erwin even like me?_ Levi questioned himself. After inspecting in the mirror for a while, he put his pyjamas on and packed his toiletries into his bag again.

Meanwhile Erwin was nervously walking around the room. He knew that something was going to happen tonight, too. Levi had hinted at it downstairs with how passionate and quick he was. Quickly he found the jacket he wore the day he had the date at Levi’s and found the things he’d bought in the shop. Shutting them away in the bedside draw, he heard Levi walk out of the bathroom.

He’d worn his favourite pyjamas: plain navy. A long sleeved top with buttons down the front, and a pair of baggy navy bottoms. His glasses were still perched on his nose as he went to the bed to sit down, putting his bag next to the side table opposite to where Erwin had just hidden the products.

“This is my side.” Levi said.

“Okay, not a problem. I’m just going to use the bathroom myself. Make yourself comfy.” Erwin said, also nervously smiling back at the boy on his bed.

He was quicker than Levi in the bathroom, and appeared only minutes later in a plain white top and shorts, muscles clearly on show through the thin material. Levi’s heart jumped.

Once the light was switched off Erwin climbed into bed and positioned himself facing Levi. Once the blonde was comfortable, Levi followed suit and curled up into bed, taking his glasses off and facing his boyfriend.

A heavy arm ran up the side of Levi’s body, causing him to shiver. He shuffled his small body closer to Erwin, wrapping his arms around his back.

After looking into each other’s eyes for a moment, their lips met again gently. Their tongues collided as their soft lips parted slightly from each other. Small noises emerged in their throats as the kiss deepened and their bodies squeezed closer together, trying to take the others body in as much as possible.

Erwin’s hand lowered from resting on Levi’s neck. He slowly began to unbutton the top, a gentle kiss lowering with each button. Levi titled his head back on the bed and rolled his body onto his back so Erwin could climb over him, running his hands over his now bare body.

The blondes head then emerged from the lower half of Levi and met at his lips again. Both the boys cheeks were flushing now – shades of pink and red mixed into each other. Their bodies were equally as excited.

Levi grabbed the hem of Erwin’s white top and pulled it over his head, separating their faces for a few seconds whilst they did so. He threw the top onto the floor, then scratched down his back leaving red lines. Erwin clearly enjoyed his, letting out a small moan into his boyfriends’ mouth.

The taller man then slid down his boyfriend again, sliding the shoulders of the pyjama top off and placing it neatly at the end of the bed. He knew Levi would not appreciate it being discarded onto the floor, even in a moment like this. Erwin’s hand then slid into the top of Levi’s bottoms and grabbed the swelling cock.

“Shit” Levi whispered, back already arching slightly and eyes becoming lidded. Erwin smiled to himself as he slowly moved his hand along the member, thumb gently massaging the tip as he did so. “Fuck, Erwin” Levi groaned, a small sweat breaking out on his forehead.

Erwin then moved and used his other hand to pull the bottoms off Levi completely, leaving him stark naked in the bed with his boyfriend.

All the self-conscious worries Levi was having in the bathroom earlier flooded away. He felt good in front of Erwin, and with the positive response from his boyfriend, his heart felt warm and the nervousness had passed.

Erwin’s blonde head then moved down, breathing gentle onto Levi. He groaned again, this time a little bit louder. As a warm mouth started to suck, and a thick hand started to tease the bottom of him, Levi had to bite his lip to stop him from screaming out in pleasure.

Erwin licked Levi and moved his hand in the same rhythm of his head. Levi’s hands at this point had moved down and were gripping into his boyfriends’ hair, feeling the head bob up and down as it pleasured him.

“Shit Erwin” Levi whispered into a moan, causing Erwin’s grip to tighten. He pulled off his lover and went down to start kissing his most sensitive area. He took one in his mouth at a time, giving it a gentle suck and lick before moving back onto Levi’s hard cock.

One of Erwin’s hands trailed up Levi’s stomach, gently massaging his nipple as he played down below. Levi never felt so good – he was sweating now, and his body was completely vulnerable. But he had never felt so amazing, so good. His eyes watered slightly at the thought, but he pushed them back as his body released into his boyfriends’ mouth.

Levi’s panting became heavy, eyes still lidded shut. Erwin climbed up after licking the mess his lover had just created and went to lay next to Levi, putting a hand on his cheek, pulling it to face him.

“Did you enjoy that, Levi?” Erwin asked, a huge smile across his face. He knew the answer, but he wanted to hear him say it anyway.

“Yes” came out of Levi’s harsh breaths. He leant forward to kiss Erwin.

“I should’ve done that to you, it’s your birthday.” Levi said, legs shaking.

Erwin just leant into the kiss more, ignoring the question. They still had time to do that, and it wasn’t like either of them wanted to stop. In their young bodies, it wasn’t exactly going to be hard to be excited again.

Levi climbed over his boyfriends’ body and sat on the floor then, kneeling before Erwin’s side of the bed.

Erwin realising what his lover had just intended, slid his body out of the covers and placed his legs either side of Levi’s kneeling body. The black haired man moved his hands to the top of the shorts and pulled them off completely, revealing Erwin – who was huge.

“Fucking hell, Erwin.” Levi said as he wrapped his hand around Erwin, before swallowing him whole and began to suck. The smaller man tried to copy the rhythms of his boyfriend, still unaware of how to properly do anything. Erwin found it harder to be as subtle and quiet as Levi – he was very sensitive.

“Oh fuck Levi, yes” he moaned loudly, grabbing his lovers’ hair tightly and helping to move his head with it. Levi pulled his head away to whisper to him to shut up or the parents would hear. Erwin just smiled bashfully through lidded eyes.

He threw his head back when Levi moved back onto him, sucking harder and moving his hand quicker around Erwin. He licked the tip of the cock lightly, teasing him slightly, and then continued to take him all in. When the confidence built up slightly, Levi opened his eyes into a small slit and looked up at Erwin who was bright pink and breathing heavy.

His muscular chest was moving in and out in deep breathes, shivering slightly. A gleam laid across Erwin’s body from a sweat, and his eyes were almost closed in pleasure. _Shit you look so fucking hot_.

Erwin looked down after a second and met eye contact. He felt out a very loud moan, before his entire body began to tense.

“Shit I’m going to cum, Levi” Erwin said, his hips starting to thrust into Levi’s mouth. He closed his eyes tightly and prepared himself for the hot liquid that was about to flow into his mouth. Erwin suddenly stopped and looked down at Levi. “Am I okay to into your mouth?” he asked, concerned that Levi might not like it.

After a second pause, Levi nodded, pushing himself back around Erwin. He wanted to treat him, and besides, on the videos he found online that’s what all the couples seemed to do.

“Fuck” erupted from Erwin’s mouth seconds later as Levi quickly swallowed the release. He pulled back off Erwin and stood up, climbing back into bed, facing Erwin.

The tall blonde laid onto his back, hand behind his head as he struggled to catch his breath again. Levi rolled to get into the same position as Erwin. He was new to things like these, and thought the best thing would just be do whatever Erwin did.

“Was I okay?” Levi asked quietly, not wanting his self-doubt to come clear.

“It was amazing Levi, you were amazing.” Erwin rolled onto his side and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, and Levi tucked his head into his shoulder. They both drifted off to sleep shortly after, wrapped in each other’s arms. Levi couldn’t stop thinking that he didn’t do enough: he so badly wanted to have sex with Erwin, but it clearly didn’t happen.

*****

Levi awoke the next morning, early. The light shining through Erwin’s window was blinding, and he wasn’t used to the sensation of having another man laid next to him in bed. They were both still cuddling, not moving positions since they nodded off the night before. He fidgets slightly, feeling extremely bare and exposed to Erwin. Looking for his phone, he pressed the home screen checking the time. 5. He put it back down and slowly climbed out of bed so as not to disturb the sleeping form beside him.

Quietly shutting the bathroom door, Levi turned shower on and placed his unworn pyjamas and glasses on the seat besides the sink. He turned and look at himself in the mirror and thought about the night before. Levi wasn’t sure about sleeping with Erwin last night, however now they’d done what they did, he was so eager for more.

Realising that the shower had been running for a while, he climbed in and washed using Erwin’s shower gel – the same scent of the cologne he wore daily. After his usual quick wash, Levi returned to the bedroom in pyjamas and returned back under the covers.

Erwin stirred, “what you doing, Levi?” he asked, still half asleep.

“I woke up early.” He replied, turning to face his boyfriend.

“How come?” Erwin mumbled, trying to stay awake to talk to his lover but his eyes were closing and his voice droned off. Sure enough, before Levi could answer, Erwin was fast asleep.

Levi pulled himself into Erwin’s body and closed his eyes again, trying to get some more rest. They were having a party that night, and the last thing he wanted was to be half asleep. Thankfully, he managed to embrace the warmth of Erwin and nod off, snoring gently. The pair only awoke again much later on, long after Mrs and Mr Smith had gone out.

Erwin stretched his long body in his bed, arms above his head and toes peeking out the bottom of the quilt, also releasing a very odd noise as he did so.

After the very over the top stretch was done, he sat up in bed and kissed Levi, who swiftly moved his head away from him. “Not when our teeth aren’t brushed.” Was all he announced, also pulling his small body up besides Erwin, grabbing his glasses and sitting up; somehow, he had managed to forget Erwin was still stark naked until he stood up from bed.

With no embarrassment, Erwin climbed out of bed and bent down to pull his shorts and top back on, before flashing a winning smile to Levi, who was now sat blushing and staring thinking about the night before.

“Levi, what’s that on your neck?” Erwin asked, leaning forward to face his boyfriend.

“My neck?” He said, heart race picking up. He stumbled out of bed and walked to the dresser where a large mirror lay. _Shit, he’s given me a fucking love bite_.

Erwin also realising what it was, broke out into hysterical laughter. Levi looked angry: but he looked too squishy and cute in his pyjamas to be intimidated by him.

“Erwin this is _not_ funny.”

But Erwin definitely seemed to think it was as he walked over to the door in his bedroom and opened it, heading downstairs into the kitchen. After Levi calmed down a bit, he followed his boyfriend round the very large house.

Erwin was stood at the kitchen island mixing things in a big bowl. An array of fresh fruit was piled up on a plate that he’d clearly just chopped up, and a pan was heating away at the hob.

“Go sit down Levi, I’m cooking you breakfast.”

Levi scowled, “shouldn’t I be doing that? It’s your birthday weekend.”

“Exactly. So do as I say, and I want to cook for you.” Erwin looked up and smiled, before returning to stirring the pancake batter. Levi obliged and wandered away aimlessly to the small kitchen table that looked out over the garden. Fresh orange juice was laid out, and Levi picked it up, taking a sip.

Levi couldn’t stop thinking about last night. He couldn’t stop thinking about how Erwin looked, and what they did. In the spur of the moment it was hot, it was exciting. Now he just blushed thinking about how humiliating the noises he made were, and how embarrassing it would have been if his parents did actually hear.

Erwin appeared a few minutes later snapping Levi out of his daze. Without realising, he had zoned out and was just looking out the window at nothing.

“Everything okay, Levi?” Erwin asked, concerned, as he placed a tray down on the table displaying a tower of steaming pancakes, a jar of maple syrup, honey, whipped cream, and a huge pile of fruit.

“Fine” Levi replied, lifting his glass out of the way so Erwin could place the tray fully on the table.

Erwin assumed what the problem with Levi was, so he decided to try to make him feel more at ease. “Last night was fun.”

Levi ignored the comment and moved a pancake onto his plate, drowning it in maple syrup and taking a big bite.

“Thank you for making my birthday so special Levi.” Erwin smiled at him, and reached his hand across the table to hold Levi. Levi allowed him to, and stroked his fingers over the larger hand, before pulling away so he could continue to eat.

After a few moments of silence, Levi decided to go back on the conversation and talk about the night before. “Was it enough?”

Erwin looked up from his rather healthy looking pancake, minus the whipped cream. “Hm? Was what enough?”

“Last night” Levi mumbled, looking down at his food.

“Oh Levi, it was more than enough. It was so wonderful and perfect. I wasn’t expecting it at all.”

“Bullshit. You wanted me to sleep with you.” What was on Levi’s mind came out, despite the fact he wanted to keep that fact quiet.

Erwin felt taken aback. Yes, it had been playing on his mind yesterday but he’d never force or expect anything of Levi – he was happy to go as slow as necessary. Even just cuddling was perfect to him.

“Not at all, Levi. I want to do things when you’re ready to do things, not the other way around. If all you’re wanting to do was what we enjoyed last night, then I’m more than happy with that.” Erwin smiled.

Levi took another bite of his breakfast and chewed on it slowly, thinking. _Why is he so nice to me? I thought people just wanted to have sex all the time at our age, so why isn’t he pushing it?_

Realising Levi decided to end the conversation there, Erwin began to eat again, munching away happily at the fresh pancakes he made. Suddenly, Levi muttered a question that Erwin only just managed to hear – “promise?”

“I promise, Levi.” And with that he relaxed, knowing that Erwin would never lie to him. He had never lied to him in all the years he’d known him, and for a fact he could tell that he wasn’t exactly going to start now. Deciding the discussion had the answers and results he wanted, Levi decided to finally thank Erwin for the food.

“Pancakes are amazing. Thanks Erwin.” Levi said, looking up and smiling.

“Anything for you.” Erwin replied, putting the last strawberry from his plate into his mouth. “What’s the plan for today then? Have you got clothes for tonight with you?”

“No.” Levi answered, “I think mum will want to see me today anyway. Want to come round with me whilst I get changed later on?”

“Yes, sure, not a problem. I’ll drive you there. Perhaps on our way back we could pick up either Hange and Petra, or Mike and Nanaba?”

Levi snorted, taking Erwin aback.

“Everyone in our group is fucking each other.” Levi laughed. Erwin realised, he was right. And even if Nile and Marie were still as close as before, they too would be in his intermingled relationship fuelled group of friends.

“We should pick up Mike, Hange’s mum is dropping them off.”

“We’ll do that then.”

The pair finished breakfast together and headed upstairs to get ready.

Once ready and Erwin’s room was tidied, the pair headed to Erwin’s car to drive to the other side of town. The October wind was harsh that day, and Levi ended up having to borrow one of Erwin’s jackets to keep him warm as he only brought his jumper with him.

They pulled up behind the row of shops where Levi’s mum worked and both climbed out of the car, walking up to the diner. Erwin took Levi’s hand in his, and the smaller boy accepted it: it was rare they could walk around like this, and Erwin was still trying to use his birthday as an excuse so Levi had to hold his hand. Levi didn’t really care, however, not in these parts. He was only bothered about Nile seeing him, and that was unlikely.

As they walked into the diner, Kuchel looked up from the table she was waiting and shot a massive grin to the two boys. They went to take a seat waiting for Kuchel to finish taking orders before she wandered over.

“Levi! Erwin! Did you have a good time yesterday?” She asked excitedly.

“It was lovely thank you, Miss Ackerman. Levi took me to a lovely restaurant I’ve wanted to go to for ages. And then we went home and ate your cake with my parents, before watching a film and heading to bed. I had a lovely birthday.”

Kuchel shot Levi a funny look when Erwin mentioned bed as if she was doing the traditional mum warning at the word, but he pretended not to see it and just continued to watch his boyfriend talk.

“That sounds so lovely, Erwin. I’m glad you liked the cake I made! Are you two staying here for a while? I’ll grab you both a milkshake.”

Before either of them could answer her question, Kuchel dashed off round the bar and began making them both vanilla milkshakes. Levi stood up and wandered away from their table to his mum.

“Mum it’s the party tonight at Erwin’s so I probably won’t be home.”

“Ah, that’s okay, Levi. Just let me know if you need picking up or anything.” She hesitated for a second, deciding what to bring up first. Deciding ‘the talk’ should be saved for after the weekend, her mind floated back to the party and the fact that Nile could be there. “Who else is going to this party tonight, then?”

Levi was well aware she’d want to know this. After the last unsupervised party he went to, he ended up beat to a pulp and wandering home in a storm at one in the morning. She was not going to have that again.

“I think it’s me, Erwin. Then Nanaba and Mike, Hange and Petra. They’re the only ones I know who were invited. Nile and Marie don’t even know about it.”

The tenseness of her shoulders loosened then, and her posture became more open as she handed Levi one of the milkshakes across the counter.

“Sounds like it’ll be a good night. Don’t forget to behave. I don’t need to say anything else, I don’t think.”

“Yeah mum I will.” Levi took his milkshake and walked to sit next to Erwin, subtly rubbing his thigh against his boyfriend as he sat down next to him, and began slurping on his drink. Kuchel handed Erwin his, and the three talked for a while about school and what the food in the restaurant was like, and the other things Erwin received from his family.

Once finished, Levi gave Kuchel a hug as they drove to Levi’s to get his bags sorted, changed his clothes, and then headed back to pick up Mike and Nanaba from his house.


	12. Stubs and Spikes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin has his friends around for his birthday, but of course, things don't go according to plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a bit of blood in this chapter so if you don't like it, please don't feel you have to read it :D also a lot of alcohol too!

“Oh wow, Mike, thank you so much!” Erwin exclaimed as he held up a new PS4 game; one that he’d wanted for a while. He was wearing his new bolo tie, some basic slim jeans and a shirt, looking handsome as always.

“That’s okay mate.” Mike replied, arm wrapped tightly around Nanaba as they sat in the basement games room of Erwin’s house. His parents decided to leave the six in peace, so went out for tea leaving the party to go on full steam ahead.

“I wanna play a game!” Hange shouted, already excited from the alcohol in their system. Hange had already managed to down two glasses of wine, leaving their girlfriend behind sipping politely on their first. Erwin smiled over at them, glad they were clearly having so much fun.

“Okay. What we going to play?” Erwin asked, leaning in closer to his boyfriend and putting a hand on his thigh. It was nice that they could be around people and not have to hide their relationship like usual. However at the mention of the word ‘game’ Levi clearly became a bit uncomfortable, his posture stiffening. Last time they played a game drunk it ended in Levi being unable to walk home properly and being battered by Mike. Erwin clearly remembered this, “Not spin the bottle though. I don’t like that one.”

“Hmmm okay.” Hange began to think, putting a finger on their mouth to exaggerate their thinking face. Levi rolled his eyes sarcastically and took a sip of his juice. Erwin offered to drink non-alcoholic beverages that night, however Levi said it was okay since it was his eighteenth. So he did, but was taking it extremely steady and was still on his first beer. The last thing he wanted was to make Levi feel uncomfortable.

“How about we play hide and seek?” Petra suggested, smiling around at the circle as she announced her suggestion. Mike and Nanaba both sparked up at the idea of the game, before Petra continued her rules.

“Since this place is so big, we have three minutes instead of one to hide. No one can hide together –“

She was cut off almost immediately by the sound of the loud doorbell ringing throughout the house. Everyone shot each other puzzled glances, as no one else was invited and the adults agreed not to be home til late.

“Did your mum and dad not bring a key?” Levi asked, quietly. Erwin shrugged to Levi, a confused look plastered on his face. Slowly he apologised to his friends and stumbled up the door, Levi following closely behind him. The pair walked to the door, through the porch entrance and saw who it was seconds later.

Nile and Marie. Stood there, alcohol in hands and holding each other’s hands. Levi’s eyes widened upon seeing the two, and quickly dashed back down the stairs to his other friends, leaving Erwin to deal with the two at the front door. Luckily he was behind his large boyfriend the entire time, so they couldn’t have seen him dash away awkwardly.

“Oh, Nile, Marie. What a surprise!” Erwin said, voice shaking, as he opened the door putting on his best fake smile.

“You drinking, Smith?” Marie teased, giggling a little. Nile’s brows furrowed.

“Your dad told us you were having a party with your friends. Was surprised when he found out I didn’t know, and so invited us over.”

Nile stepped into the house and wandered straight past Erwin, knowing exactly where the party was held, walked straight into the basement. He was clearly really annoyed at Erwin; it had after all been the first birthday party Nile wasn’t invited to since they were kids.

Levi was sat between Mike and Nanaba, knees curled up to his chest and looking slightly worried. Although, as soon as his piercing grey eyes locked onto Nile, he straightened his back and unfolded his legs, trying to look like he wasn’t intimidated at all. There was something of Kenny that Levi saw in Nile; something that made his skin crawl.

Hange, upon seeing Nile and Marie, tried to brush their intrusion aside and get everyone to enjoy Erwin’s party a bit more: the last thing they’d have wanted was the special weekend going to waste.

“Marie! Nile! Perfect timing. We’re about to play hide and seek. I’m counting, so you better go!” They quickly turned around pretending eyes to be closed, but eyeing Levi up closely and hinting to go somewhere. “One! Two!” Hange began to count, as Petra and Nanaba stood up laughing quietly and ran up the stairs.

Marie followed, running closely behind them determined not to be left out from the party. Next, Mike stood and grabbed Nile to leave with him running around the Smith household. As soon as all the bodies left the room and only Hange, Levi and Erwin were left, the tall blonde closed the door and walked up to his boyfriend currently curled back up in a ball on the sofa, hands running through his hair. Hange crouched down beside the pair also, looking intently at their best friend.

“Levi I’m so sorry. I’d never have allowed them to come. My dad said-“

“It’s okay.”

“No, Levi it’s not and I’m so sorry. Do you want me to call your mum or anything? She could come and get you. I’ll come too.”

Levi scoffed, looking up to meet his eyes. “You can’t leave your own fucking party Erwin.”

“Do you want to stay counting with me, Levi? And pretend I found you first?” Hange asked, trying to be supportive.

“He’ll be with Mike somewhere. Mike will keep his eye on him.” Levi said, standing. He was so fed up of looking weak around Nile, he wanted to stand up for himself and not allow the dark haired creep to overpower him. Despite the nervousness in his voice, he wandered up the stairs silently and went to hide in Erwin’s bedroom.

Once he curled up under the bed, he let out a big sigh and closed his eyes. He’d be fine. All his friends were around him so there was literally nothing that Nile could do to hurt him: he was way safer than he was last time there was the party and the incident after. And at the end of the day, Kuchel was only a phone call away.

*****

Nile continued to wander round the house long after Mike was hidden, and after hearing Hange leave the basement, he found his opportunity. He wasn’t here to dampen Erwin’s shitty party, he only was here to get revenge on the one person he truly hated, and he knew the best way to do it.

Walking quietly down the stairs, he looked around the room for the thing he needed. Erwin’s beer bottles, the girls wine glasses, Mike’s red wine bottle – it took him a while to find it, but eventually he noticed it: stood neatly with a small glass placed beside it was Levi’s juice.

Quickly Nile took out the hip flask he was carrying in his pocket and poured the straight vodka into Levi’s juice, mixing it well, before hiding the hip flask and wandering back up the basement stairs where he was greeted immediately by Mike and Hange.

“Oh, you two.” He said, surprised.

“What were you doing down there?” Mike asked, arms crossed and glaring at the boy.

“Looking for Erwin. Dad phoned, it turns out he needs me and Marie to go now because, uh- Marie’s mum phoned and wants her home because she’s not done her work and she’s grounded.” Lying through his teeth, he pushed past them before shouting Marie. Mike had known Nile for long enough to know he was lying, but he didn’t know what about and knew questioning would get absolutely nowhere.

She appeared a second later from a curtain in the living room, before he eyed her a suspicious look and she nodded.

“Ah I see. Well, say bye to Erwin for us!”

Mike and Hange eyed the pair up as they walked out of the door, and shot each other questionable looks. It slammed shut behind them.

“What do you think he was doing?” Hange asked Mike. Mike shrugged, arms folded across his chest. They both walked into the basement but decided everything looked as it had before, so climbed back up and continued with the game deciding not to let Nile ruin the night even more.

Erwin walked into his bedroom, looking both for Levi and a place to hide. He looked in his wardrobes, bathroom, under the desk and behind the wardrobes: it was only when he saw the light of a phone under the bed he realised his boyfriend was hiding there.

“Levi?” Erwin whispered, laying down and scooting his body sideways under the large bed too, finding the raven haired boy curled up playing on his phone. “You okay?”

“Hange is taking fucking ages to find us.” He said, staring at his phone the whole time and not looking up at Erwin. He sighed.

“I’m sorry about Nile and Marie, honestly Levi I didn’t know.”

“It’s fine, Erwin. I already said.”

Erwin shuffled up to Levi and pressed his body as close to him as he could in such a tight space. Levi could move with plenty of room, but Erwin being so much bigger than the other struggled to manoeuvre about under the bed. He was relieved when Hange walked into the room with Mike, Nanaba, and Petra. Clearly leaving himself and Levi til last; or at least almost last, Erwin thought.

“Found you!” They shouted, lifting the quilt up. “Oh, and Levi!” they said in unison, mock surprised.

“I won. You found me last.” Levi exclaimed as he climbed out from under the bed. Erwin smiled, and then looked up at Mike and then remembered about the other two people who had come to the party.

“Oh, wait Levi we’re not last. Where’s Nile and Marie?” Erwin asked, looking at all his friends.

“Nile said they had to go home because Marie was actually meant to be grounded. Said to let you know they’re sorry.” Mike said, arms folded. Erwin could tell there was something more to it, but decided not to press his friend for now and just to enjoy the night.

“Ah. Well, I’m definitely not complaining.” Erwin said, chuckling a bit.

“Me fucking neither.” Levi said, loosening his arms that were originally crossed across his chest.

The group then decided to head back down and relax with their drinks for a bit in the games basement, and Erwin was going to put a film on, which he did deciding on _Thor_ after many arguments about what would be best.

Levi and Erwin sat together cuddled up: since they were out to all their friends now, Erwin wanted to touch and snuggle with Levi as much as possible whenever he could. Despite the fact that Levi grumbled and tried to push away from him at least five times, he eventually settled into the hug on the sofa. The other couples sat around them holding hands or leaning into each other.

Levi began to drink the drink that Nile poured vodka into earlier, however since he mixed it so well Levi barely noticed the taste difference. It was only when he downed the whole bottle that he began to feel odd: a fuzzy head, a sick stomach.

He pushed himself up from his boyfriend and his head began to wobble, so he pushed his hand to it and everyone moved their heads round confused. Erwin slowly sat up beside his boyfriend.

“Levi? You okay?” He asked, concerned.

Levi didn’t respond and he doubled over and clung to his tummy. His head was spinning a lot and he was feeling so sick. Erwin’s immediate reaction was to put his hand on the bottom of Levi’s back and start to massage it gently.

“I’m gonna throw up.” He moaned out as he gagged. Quickly Petra jumped up and ran to get a bowl from the bathroom downstairs, whilst Hange and Mike crowded around him on the sofa, Nanaba hovering behind nervously in the distance.

“You eat anything funny, Levi?” Mike asked, trying to think back to the pizza’s and snacks they had just before they began the actual party: Levi had eaten something that everyone else had, so it was impossible to be that.

He just barely shook his head.

“What are you drinking? Is it still in date?” Hange asked, picking the bottle up that laid next to where he was sat. The date was over a year away, and it said ‘elderflower juice’ on it, so clearly not alcohol. It was that way anyway, until they brought it to their nose and sniffed it. Immediately Hange’s eyes drew to Mike who was also glaring up at them.

Erwin sat rubbing Levi’s back, who threw up instantly as Petra passed him the bowl as if he was holding it in. Erwin, noticing Hange and Mike’s glance, took his eyes away from his boyfriend and looked straight up at the pair sat on their knees in front of them.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, sternly.

“Can I have a word, Erwin?” Hange asked, smiling to try and make it look like nothing was wrong. Levi was far too preoccupied to even be listening so Erwin stood up and Petra took his position, rubbing Levi’s back for him. His head was beginning to sweat a little, colour drained from his face.

When Erwin walked out of the room with Hange, they immediately shut the door.

“There’s alcohol in Levi’s drink.”

“What? No that’s not right. Levi doesn’t drink.”

“Smell it.” Hange thrust the bottle to Erwin’s nose, who inhaled deeply and could get the subtle whiff of vodka.

“What the hell?!” Erwin exclaimed, heart sinking slightly.

“He was spiked. By Nile.” Hange repeated, after thinking about Nile’s suspicious attitude earlier. No one else would ever have spiked Levi, so they knew that it must have been the other boy when he snuck down to the room earlier once everyone was hiding.

Erwin snatched the bottle away and threw it harshly to the floor.

“What the actual hell! Why would Nile do that?!”

Hange shrugged. “Revenge, I guess.”

Erwin was angry now. He was so fed up of Nile treating Levi in such a negative way – he didn’t deserve it, not ever, and was so confused why he’d do such a thing. Angrily he turned away from Hange and walked straight into the basement to find his boyfriend laid on the sofa, head in Petra’s lap, colour drained from his face and a bowl full of sick right next to his head.

His dark hair was plastered to his head in wet strands and his eyes were slowly drifting shut and then shooting back open. Levi’s small body was slightly twitching too, as Petra tried to calm him by stroking his hair. He hated being so weak and vulnerable, but in front of his friends he let it go a little. He hadn’t felt this sick for years either, and wasn’t really sure how to handle it or what to do with himself.

“Drinks away. We’re not drinking anymore tonight.” Erwin announced, Hange hot on his heels. Immediately Mike stood up and picked up all the bottles, understandingly, and put them into the big bin bag in the corner of the room. Nanaba followed and gave her boyfriend a hand in picking up full, unopened bottles and returning them back to the box in the corner of the room that it was originally stored in.

“What happened?” Petra asked, voice soft.

Hange sighed, “Levi was spiked, with vodka I think.”

Upon hearing this, Levi’s body shot right up from Petra’s clasp and his dark eyes stared into thin air. Despite the sick feeling in his stomach, he pulled himself fully upright and looked right into Hange’s eyes, a look in his like a wild animal.

“Vodka?” he voice muttered quietly, but with a harsh rawness to it, causing everyone to turn back and glare at him.

“Yes, Levi. But don’t worry you’ve probably got it out of your system now.” Hange said, pointing at the bowl of sick they were lifting up to rinse away, trying to help Levi relax a bit more. But he sat there, in absolute silence, staring still.

Erwin approached his boyfriend and put a hand tentatively on his shoulder. Levi didn’t flinch or even react to the touch. Anger was brewing inside him: disgust, he felt ashamed that such a bad chemical had entered his body, which until then had not had something so disgusting enter it in his life.

“Nile?” Levi asked, after a few more seconds. His hands were curled into fists and lightly shaking on his lap, and his face was becoming harsher and more sinister with the second. Mike came back to sit next to Levi, trying to calm him down with his best friends by each side.

“I swore I’d never fucking touch alcohol! Not after what happened!” He screamed, throwing himself into a standing position. Mike tried to hold the smaller boy down, but his movements were too quick and his petite body too swift to get a hold of his arm.

Anger swelling inside him, he punched the first thing he could see: a light. The bulb shattered into a million pieces on the floor, causing a bloody mess. The glass shards pierced Levi’s skin – luckily the light itself wasn’t on so there was no electric shock, but blood was dripping from the boys arms. He didn’t care; the anger was too heavy in his heart.

Levi then walked to the coffee table and kicked it, flipping food all over the floor, and some of Erwin’s presents. Screaming angrily, he flipped a chair over and began to walk to the TV screen. Erwin and Mike were trying to pull him back but he was far too quick for them to catch him, and instead avoided them and pushed back when they did try to grab Levi’s arms. Petra quickly phoned Kuchel for her to come and get him, whilst Hange and Nanaba were sat in shock just watching the events unfold.

A second later, they heard the front door open. Mike had managed to grab Levi by both his arms and was stopping him from moving, the smaller form wiggling aggressively in his arms.

“Erwin honey we’re home!” Mrs Smith called out jolly, as her and her husband began to descend the stairs. What they walked in on was a mess.

Food thrown across the room, a battered chair with cushions everywhere, and a table flipped over and one of the legs was broken. A raven haired boy in the arms of Mike, red seeping through his dark clothes. Levi was a lot stronger than he looked, especially when he was angry. By this point, he’d stopped struggling in Mike’s arms and had slowly come back to the realisation that Erwin’s parents were home.

“What. The. Hell.” Mr Smith shouted as he walked down, eyes locking to his son then straight back to Levi. “Get out, Ackerman.” He said, angrily, monotone. It was obvious Levi had been the cause of destruction, since Mike was still holding him tightly in his arms.

“No father wait!” Erwin said, trying to stop Mr Smith kicking Levi out of their home.

“No. Erwin, he’s scum. He’s always been scum. Trashing my house, who does he think he is? Can definitely tell he’s related to an alcoholic criminal family. Get out now, Levi.” He said, tone even and angry. Mike dropped Levi’s arms gently to his sides, and Levi reacted by slowly walking to the sofa and grabbing his bag.

He stomped up the stairs and completely ignored Erwin as he tried to grab his arm and pull him back. Instead of looking back, he shrugged him off and started to make his way straight to the door, arms slowly beginning to shoot pains throughout his body.

All Levi could think about was that the chemical had impurities inside him: he was always clean of alcohol, and swore to be for the rest of his life. After seeing his mum, Kenny, and Farlan and Isabel and what happened to them, he promised at his best friends’ funerals that he’d never touch it. And now he had. He’d broken his promise, the most important one he’d ever made.

He pushed past Mr Smith, managing to knock him harshly on his way out the house. Mrs Smith shot Erwin a very worried look, then proceeded to follow Levi to the front door where he was slipping his boots on.

“Levi, darling, you don’t have to leave. Just tell us what happened.”

Levi ignored her and stared at the floor, angry.

“Please, honey-“she said as Kuchel pulled up outside out of good timing, thanks to Petra.

“Nile.” Levi said, the word spurting off his tongue like vomit. Erwin was running up the stairs shouting him, but he turned his back on everyone and walked straight to his mums’ car who was parked up outside, her anxious eyes looking down on her son.

It was clear he couldn’t be with Erwin, not anymore. His dad didn’t accept him and never would after causing such a wreck in his house. But arguably it was all Mr Smith’s fault anyway – if he never told Nile about the party, he’d never have come. Levi’s drink would never have been spiked. He would never have trashed the room in anger.

As he sat down in the front seat angrily, he tugged his seat belt on. The voices all around him completely zoned out as he slowly began to feel light headed. Blood was tricking from his long sleeves now; he hadn’t realised how bad it was before in the adrenaline, but each movement caused a shard of glass to shift in his body making him twitch.

After realising she wasn’t going to get anything out of Levi who had disassociated himself from everyone, Kuchel climbed out of the car and slammed her door shut, walking over to Mrs Smith. Mike, Nanaba, Hange, and Petra were all stood at the door mouths agape just watching the scene unravel. Mr Smith had completely disappeared from sight, probably to phone the police or some shit, Levi thought.

“What the hell happened to Levi?! Petra said something about him being spiked?!?” Kuchel practically shouted, worry in her voice. Mrs Smith looked at her, completely confused as she wasn’t even sure what went on herself.

“Spiked?” She said, softly. “I don’t know what’s happened, Kuchel. We had gone for some food whilst Erwin held his party and came home to Levi smashing the entire basement. Shattered lights, a broken table, carpet stained with food.”

Kuchel’s eyes shot back to her son in the car, then to her friend in front of her. “Is that why he’s bleeding?” She asked, worried still. Mrs Smith nodded.

“I’ll pay for the damage.” Kuchel said, firm.

“No don’t be silly Kuchel darling, its fine. Easily fixed!” A tall blonde boy pushed past.

Erwin at this point was running to the car and was trying to get Levi to talk to him, but frankly Levi didn’t want to talk to anyone, not after the situation that was slowly unrolling. _What’s the point in putting more pain in our relationship now when I’m clearly not welcome? Why drag it out?_

Levi turned his head as far in the opposite direction of Erwin as he could, so Erwin walked around to the driver’s seat and sat down next to his boyfriend.

“Levi I’m sorry my dad is such an idiot. And Nile, I’m so disgusted at what he did. Look, please – oh god – let me bandage your hands up, that looks sore and there’s probably glass in the cuts.”

Levi looked down and reluctantly pulled his hands into his belly, hiding them from Erwin. The pain from the glass shards caused a small squeak to come from his body in utter pain.

“Levi please.” Erwin whimpered, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. That night Erwin’s dad had fallen out with him, and his oldest friend had betrayed him. Now Levi was in a mood with him: it was piling up slowly. What a terrible way to end one of the most important birthdays.

“Levi you’re in pain let me do something.”

“I’m fine.” Levi said through gritted teeth. Erwin sighed in annoyance. Then, in the corner of his eye he saw Mr Smith pushing past his friends to talk to Kuchel and probably kick off about the entire situation. Erwin began to panic.

“Levi come on let’s get out to my car, quick. My dad’s coming.”

Levi looked up at Erwin then, his eyes wet and a smear of blood on his face from when he ran his hands through his hair. Erwin got a better look at his whole body then, blood stains all over his shirt and trousers from pressing his arms to them. In immediate panic, Erwin put his seat belt on and turned the gas on as Kuchel left the keys running.

He put his foot down quickly and the old car speeded away. Erwin needed to get Levi away from there: he needed to get him to a hospital to clear his wounds up.

“Erwin! Wait!”

“ERWIN SMITH GET BACK HERE NOW.”

Voices echoed into the empty road as the car speeded away, and slowly everyone left behind returned inside. Mrs Smith phoned parents to come and collect the other teens from the party, as Kuchel went to sit down with Mr Smith to discuss costs.

*****

“There you go, kid. All bandaged up and the glass is out.” The nurse turned back to Erwin, “make sure he doesn’t go walking into any more lights and accidentally crushing the bulbs. Also make sure Levi changes his bandages tonight before bed, and then doesn’t get them wet for twenty four hours. After that he’ll be fine to take them off to wash properly and put fresh ones on.”

“Understood.” Erwin nodded to the nurse, “and thank you for helping us.”

When the boys got to the hospital Erwin phoned his mum to tell them where they were and not to worry. He said he’d let them know once they were ready to head back and he’d take the car straight to Kuchel, and Levi of course. Mrs Smith said it was fine as long as Levi was okay. It seemed the real adults needed a very deep conversation anyway, and frankly Kuchel was owed apologies about the way her son was treated.

Once the nurse left the room and shut the door Erwin tucked his boyfriend under his large arm, and Levi fell into it, resting his head under his armpit.

“How you feeling?”

“’Kay.” Levi paused, “I’m sorry Erwin. Alcohol just – I just don’t agree with it.”

“Levi you have nothing to apologise for. I’m sorry I associate with such bad people. If there was a way to escape them, I would.”

“Guess I’ll pay your dad for the damage, otherwise you’ll never be able to see me again.” Levi snorted. “Just wait til he finds out we’re together.”

Erwin let out a deep sigh and squeezed Levi into his body even tighter than before.

“Shit Erwin, ouch. What’s that for?” He grumbled, as he tried to wiggle out of the tight grasp.

“I thought you were going to leave me, Levi.”

“No don’t be fucking stupid. I was just angry and didn’t want to talk to anyone.”

Erwin just smiled and breathed in his boyfriends’ scent, before picking his phone out of his pocket to read the texts his friends had sent him. They’d all sent practically the same thing, such saying thanks for the party and that they hoped Levi would be okay.

“Sorry I ruined your party too.” Levi mumbled as Erwin scrolled through his messages.

“No, you didn’t ruin it. Nile did.”

“Hm.” Levi said. “We need to get him back somehow.”

“Let us not think about revenge just yet, Levi, we need to find a way to make our parents less annoyed with us. I stole your mums’ car.” He planted a hand over his forehead and began to rub at his temples. The reality of the last few hours was coming back to light and Erwin was dreading going home.

“She won’t care.” Levi said, trying to comfort Erwin, who just shot him a smile and stood up.

“You ready to get off?”

“Definitely. I hate hospitals.”

“I thought you might.” Erwin chuckled before he held a hand out for Levi, who took it in his and they wandered to the car together after signing to say they could leave.

Once back on the road, the boys sat in absolute silence, a heavy anxiety hanging in the air over their heads. They weren’t sure what was going to happen once they got home, but damn sure it wasn’t going to be pretty. Levi was already mentally prepared to clean the entire basement and fix everything the best he could, despite his entire forearms being covered in bandages. He was also dreading seeing his mums worried face as he walked into the Smith household: the last time he’d been in hospital was after his suicide attempt when he first started high school and she had this _look_ about her for weeks after – he couldn’t handle that again.

Suddenly Levi was slapped in the face with reality when Erwin announced they were there, the car coming to a stop. The pair climbed out of the seats and walked to the big front door where both mums were waiting eagerly.

“Oh Levi!” Kuchel exclaimed, throwing her arms around her son. Mrs Smith walked up to Levi and also gave him a hug, her eyes wet. “Levi darling I’m so sorry.” She said.

Levi pulled away from the pair and eyed his mum, who shot him back a sorrowful smile. _Great, she’s told her about Kenny_.

The four walked inside and sat down at the big dining room table which was laid with pancakes and fresh orange juice, obviously for the boys return home. They all began to eat before saying anything, and it was Erwin that perked up first.

“The nurse said Levi needs to change his bandages before going to bed. Obviously now it’s six in the morning, so if you just help him with it before he goes to bed when you get home. He also can’t get them wet for twenty four hours, but then he needs to take them off to wash properly. Also, I’m sorry I stole your car.” Erwin said. His voice not as eloquent as usual, most likely because he was practically falling asleep at the table then and there.

“You don’t need to apologise Erwin, thank you for helping my son.”

Levi didn’t look up and instead just continued to eat the food in front of him. He kept feeling Mrs Smith looking up at him with a sympathetic glare, but ignored it. He couldn’t deal with his past just now.

“Where’s dad?” Erwin asked, voice a little concerned.

“He’s gone to see Nile.”

“Great.” Levi mumbled, shoving a mouthful of pancake into his mouth.

“Levi, I told Mr and Mrs Smith about the problems you had when you were younger and the affect alcohol has on you-“

“Yeah mum I fucking guessed.” He said, still not looking up.

“Don’t interrupt or swear, Levi. Anyway, I told them, and then Mike explained to all of us what happened with Nile when he came round uninvited, so Mr Smith has gone to see them and see if it was true.”

Levi raised his eyebrows and then furrowed them again. Obviously Mr Smith was going to believe Nile over Mike: he had always picked favourites, and they were the ones he chose. He also hated Kuchel so it made even more sense to go against her and her son.

“Also we’re paying back for all the damage you caused. Mrs Smith said not to, but Mr Smith was adamant that you should do to learn your lesson and I happen to agree. So from now on you’ll be working Saturday’s with me at the diner.”

“But mum that’s the day I see Erwin!” Levi cried out.

“No. You need to learn your lesson.”

“Fucking great. So I get spiked and then have to fix what I did when I was drunk and being sick?! Sounds fair mum!” He stood up from the table and stormed out of the room, Erwin following quickly behind him and the two went to Erwin’s room and slammed the door.

“Can I stay here.” Levi said, not questioning, but suggesting.

“Yes of course you can Levi, but my dad-“

“Don’t fucking care. I am not working in a grubby diner.”

A knock at Erwin’s bedroom door sounded a second later, and Kuchel followed in immediately after the sound walking straight up to Erwin’s bed and sitting down next to her son.

“Look, Levi. I’d work the extra hours to pay back the damage but I can’t afford to, I’m already working thirteen or fourteen hour shifts six days a week – anymore and I just wouldn’t be able to cope. Everything is just getting more expensive by the day, I can barely afford to pay our bills our landlord keeps making them go up more and more each month. Just –“ Kuchel paused herself, rubbing at her forehead before dropping her hand and offering her son a tired smile, “sorry Levi that’s not really your problem.”

He eyed his mum with worry: one thing he hated was how secretive she was when it came to financial or family troubles. He knew it was because she didn’t want to worry him, but being in the dark made him stress more.

“Fine I’ll work.” Levi said, reluctantly. He stared down at the floor his eyes becoming glassy. “How mucky is it? Are the germs bad?” He asked, warily.

Kuchel sighed. “This is why I was never going to let you work there, Levi, I knew it’d set your OCD off. But I guess our hands are tied. I’ll make sure everyone does the dirtiest bits for you son, and you could just stay on till and serve customers.”

“Wait.” Erwin said, interrupting. The Ackerman’s had almost forgotten that he was in the room since they were surrounded by their own concerns. “I got about £1000 in birthday money. Take it, then Levi you won’t have to work.”

“Erwin we can’t take your money.” Kuchel said, firm.

“No it’s my money and I want to give you it, so please, just, take it. Then I can see Levi on Saturday’s still and my dad will be a bit less moody since it was handed over so quickly.”

Erwin began to scuttle about his room, pulling notes from cards from his family members and getting a big pile together before he ran down the stairs and threw the money at his mum.

Kuchel and Levi followed downstairs straight after and tried to explain that it was okay, Levi was going to work, but Erwin wasn’t having it. Instead he demanded that his parents took the money and after a while, Mrs Smith agreed and they all promised not to tell Erwin’s dad where the money had come from, because they all knew he’d kick off if he knew.

It was about 10 in the morning when Levi and Kuchel decided to go home. Mr Smith still wasn’t home and they were too sleepy to hang around any longer.

“I’m sorry about all this fuss, Mrs Smith.”

“No Kuchel don’t be silly, you have nothing to apologise for. Just so you know I’ll always defend Levi, I know that Nile can be a nasty piece of work and Levi would never have purposefully trashed our house. Water under the bridge.”

“Thank you.” Kuchel said, wearily. “Come on Levi, we’re off now.”

“Sorry.” Levi said to Erwin’s mum, who announced that it was okay and wrapped him in a hug, before he pushed away after a while feeling weird. He then turned to his boyfriend.

“Sorry I ruined your birthday Erwin.” Levi said, eyes looking up at his.

“Levi we’ve already talked about this, it wasn’t your fault.”

Levi shrugged and Erwin pulled him into a hug before ducking his head down and kissing him gently. Levi felt uncomfortable and turned bright red at the fact that his mum was stood there.

“Don’t forget to change your bandages as soon as you get home Levi.” Erwin said, and the smaller boy nodded and quickly reached up to kiss his boyfriend once more, in an apology-and-thankyou sort of kiss.

As he reached down and lowered his feet, he turned and walked out of the house following Kuchel closely, before heading home and going straight to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Honestly wow thank you so much for actually reading my little story and the kudos you've left me! It means so much to me that people are actually spending their time to give it a read and things, so thank you from the bottom of my heart right to the top! Xxxxxx


	13. Past Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the events at the party, Levi decided it was probably best to open up to Erwin about what affected him so much and why it bothers him.

“Off you go to bed, Erwin.” Mrs Smith said after Levi and Kuchel drove home.

“I’m sorry mum.” Erwin muttered, arms drooping. Despite being so much taller than his mum he appeared so much smaller at that second: weak and vulnerable. He was worried about Levi, he was worried about all his friends who had to go home, and more importantly he was worried about who his dad would believe.

Just as he turned away to head up the stairs, Mr Smith came charging through the door, making sure to make his presence known and slamming the door unnecessarily loud behind him. His gaze immediately drew to his son who was sheepishly walking up the stairs, away from him.

“You’ve decided to come back home, hopefully without that little shit.” Mr Smith grumbled, smarmily. A smirk was plastered on his face.

“That is no way to talk to your son. Now, let us skip arguments, I want to know what Nile said.” Mrs Smith sounded cross, angry. Erwin had never seen her like that, especially not to her husband.

“Nile told me the truth, as expected.” Mr Smith snorted, “He said he came round for a bit but everyone was playing hide and seek and he thought it was too childish, so left with Marie after about thirty minutes. No alcohol involved, no spiking Levi or whatever you made up.”

“Now I don’t believe that.” Mrs Smith choked up, laughing at Nile’s apparent story.

“Yeah father that’s completely not true.”

“Ha! You expect me to believe you, Erwin!? You stole a car tonight. I did not bring you up to act so recklessly. Not on did you steal it, but you had alcohol in your system when you did! You’re taking after your scum friend in so many ways.”

“Father I drove him to hospital. He was bleeding! And you were being argumentative so I didn’t know what else I could have done.” Erwin had never looked or sounded so helpless, his eyebrows furrowing and his lip quivering slightly. He blinked hard to fight back unshed tears.

Mr Smith got even angrier then, storming up to his son and standing right in front of him before tutting in his face. Erwin tilted his head away from his dad as Mrs Smith pushed between the pair separating them.

“You two. Stop this, now.” Erwin did, and he flopped back on the stair behind him feeling weak and heavy. He hadn’t slept since yesterday when he was with Levi, and since this night and it being almost 10:30 am the following day he was knackered. He ran his hands through his hair as his eyes slowly watered down his cheeks, now flushed red with anger and nervousness about his father.

“Look what you’re doing to our son! Since when did you believe the Dok’s over one of our own?!”

“Since he became friends with _scum_.”

“Stop calling him that right now! Levi is not scum. He’s not as well off as us, so what? Just because his Uncle is in jail doesn’t mean he’s bad too. Not once have I ever heard of Levi reacting to something just for the fun of it – he reacts to things that trigger him, as any normal person does. In fact, I’d say Levi is one of Erwin’s kindest and most trusting friends and probably a better example for our son than anyone.”

Mr Smith just stood staring at his wife. She never shouted or raised her voice: she was gentle and kind and would not argue unless she felt it was necessary which she clearly did now.

“You need to leave Erwin and Levi alone. They’re best friends, they have been since they were kids for crying out loud.” Erwin was so grateful that his mum was standing up for him so much and that she wasn’t mentioning that they were actually dating: that would have gone down even worse than it was now.

“Levi has had a rough life, up until now, and you’re just making it even harder for him. He lost his best friends when he was young, he didn’t have a mum in his life for ages, he’s never had a father figure, he had his uncle which turned out to be a disaster – why do you want to make him suffer even more!? Come, Erwin.” She reached her hand out and practically snatched Erwin’s, pulling him upright. “I’m taking you to Levi’s. Your father and I have things to sort out.”

Strutting past her husband who was speechless, the two walked out of their family home slamming the door shut and climbed into Mrs Smith’s car. She let out a huge sigh before putting the keys in the engine and starting the car.

“Mum? What actually happened to Levi?” he asked quietly after a few moments of silence.

She sighed, “That’s why I’m taking you to him. I think it’s something you both need to talk about. It’ll explain his mental stability a little more, I guess.”

He paused again, “Thanks mum.” He couldn’t think of anything else to say to her, not after what had just happened. He was weary and still slightly crying, terrified of his father and going home again.

She turned her head and smiled at her son who still was appearing small next to her, “Anything for my favourite couple.” She winked at him.

He was so relieved that she knew about them, and accepted them so warmly. If she hadn’t, then he doubted she’d have argued Levi’s case as much as she did that night. She wanted nothing more than for her son to be happy and if that meant arguing with her stubborn husband, then so be it.

A few moments later the car pulled into the parking spaces before the sweet shop, coming to a halt.

“Okay Erwin honey I’ll come back in a few hours and drop off some food and clothes. I can’t expect Kuchel to fund your food as well since I’m throwing you on her doorstop.” She started routing around in her pocket and pulled out the wad of Erwin’s birthday money too, “and take this. You and Levi deserve a treat and should not have to pay for the damage. Take him somewhere nice.”

Erwin’s solemn face turned to his mums in a huge grin and he leant over to kiss her cheek saying thank you before crawling out of the car and up the steps to the Ackerman’s front door. It was the first time Erwin had ever felt trepidation going to Levi’s as he walked up the stairs and tentatively knocked on the door. After a couple of minutes, Kuchel answered it, poking her head round the door and extending fully when she saw who it was.

“Oh, Erwin! What are you doing round?” She opened the door so he could come inside, revealing a bed head and pyjamas.

“Oh I’m so sorry Miss Ackerman were you in bed?”

“No, no don’t be silly. Come on, take a seat. You want a drink?”

“No thank you. I was hoping I could just sleep.”

“Yeah of course you can.” She thought. “Levi’s asleep in his bed, you can go and join him if you want. I think he’ll want you there.”

“Thank you Miss Ackerman.”

“And you can tell me why you’re round when you’ve caught up on some sleep. I’ve taken the day off work for Levi, so we can talk after.” She shot him a kind smile as he stood up and retreated to his boyfriends room finding the raven haired boy curled on the bed, hair sprawled out on the pillow, arms curled up under his face white with bandages.

He smiled fondly at the sight before him on the bed, before stripping into just his boxers and climbing behind Levi, the small body pressing against his perfectly, wrapping his large arms over him. After a few moments, all that came out of the boys bodies were gentle breathes.

*****

They awoke later that day at about 4pm. It was already getting darker outside, and the weather was even cooler floating from Levi’s window into his room. Grumbling into Erwin’s arm, he sat up and rubbed at his eyes checking the time.

“Erwin wake up, it’s four.” He moaned.

“Hmm? Five more minutes.”

“No Erwin. You won’t sleep later. Get. Up.” He pushed Erwin gently with his feet, causing him too to sit up and rub at his eyes in the same manner of his boyfriend.

“Why you here, anyway?” Levi asked. “I remember you getting here a bit ago, but I was too tired to react.”

“Oh, mum dropped me off. She and father were having an argument and wanted me out of the way for it. She said, um.” He paused, trying to think of the best way to word it.

“She said I have things I should tell you too, didn’t she?” he sighed when his boyfriend didn’t respond, knowing that was the exact right answer.

“But Levi if you don’t feel comfortable, or ready, I won’t force you to tell me about your past. I never want to put you in a position you don’t feel –“

“Come on then.” Levi interrupted, choosing to ignore Erwin’s comment. He knew it was now or never and they had known each other for years. He climbed out of bed, not making eye contact and walking straight to the door, not even bothering to make his bed like usual. “Mum can help me explain it all in case, like, it’s too much.”

Quickly Erwin stood and put his clothes back on before following Levi straight to the dining table. Kuchel was already in the kitchen boiling the kettle.

“Ah, Erwin. Your mum came round a couple of hours ago to drop a bag of clothes off. It looks like you’re staying with us for the week off school, if you want.”

“I’d love that, thank you so much.”

“Let’s get this shit over with then.” Levi grumbled, playing with the edges of his bandages.

“Hm? What’s that Levi honey?”

“Erwin wants to know about Kenny and stuff.” Levi said, trying to keep his voice steady. He knew he wouldn’t be able to stay pretty in this, even just thinking about the past brought out too many memories.

“Oh. Are you sure about that?” Kuchel asked, worry in her voice. She had paused what she was doing to glance at her son, checking he was okay with it. He hadn’t even explained everything in full to her even after all these years, never mind open up in front of someone who wasn’t his mother.

“Yeah it’s fine whatever. When he knows I’ll never have to mention it again. That right, Erwin?”

“Yes of course Levi. Just whatever you feel comfortable with.”

Kuchel returned to the table with three cups of tea, then turned back to start on breakfast whilst Levi took in a deep breath, wrapping his hands around the cup to keep them warm.

“Mum was sick.”

“Pardon?”

“It’s the start of my story, dipshit.” Levi rolled his eyes and took a sip of his morning tea.

“Mum was sick, when I was a kid. I went to live with Kenny, my uncle. Kenny’s a bad guy, to say the least.” He paused and snorted, just thinking how underrated the statement is.

“Was in a gang, did a lot of fights and theft. He had two other kids that lived with him, Farlan and Isabel. Never really knew how he found them or they ended up with him, but they were cool. When I first went there I was scared, but they stuck with me the whole time. Became best friends. I think it was more of a way of protection from everything bad going on. I was only like five I think, Farlan a bit older and Isabel quite younger.

“Kenny used to get us involved in his crimes. Started small with making the three of us steal things, usually just bread from the store or meat from the market. Then it got bigger, we took part in fights on streets and stuff. We were still kids. If we refused bad stuff happened, so we could never say no.”

He paused when Kuchel came to sit back down waiting for the food to cook. She ran a hand over the top of his back and flashed him a small smile, as if saying it was okay to continue, and so he did.

“Kenny drank a lot and forgot to look after us. The three of us ended up living off scraps we could find or stealing sweets for our meals. Hardly washed, clothes didn’t fit us. Surprised social services didn’t come round. But Mum didn’t know.”

Levi took a deep breath and looked at Kuchel for permission, before she nodded with a deep sadness in her eyes at hearing truthfully what her brother had put him through. “Mum was in rehab for drink.”

Erwin’s heart was slowly beginning to sink at the thought of a small and vulnerable Levi being unable to live a normal childhood. And also at the fact his mum was so ill, from alcohol he assumed since his boyfriend detested it so much.

“It wasn’t all bad. Was some of the best days of my life with Izzie and Farlan. They were the first people I ever trusted and considered friends.” Levi smiled just thinking about them as his eyes glassed over slightly. “Izzie had this crazy bright red hair, completely natural, and the goofiest smile. She always called me big brother which was annoying at first, but I got to quite like it.

“Farlan was tall, skinny and blonde with a warm smile. He used to hold my hand when Kenny would shout at me.” A small chuckled clouded by sadness and regret seeped from Levi’s mouth. “I loved them so much.”

“Kenny fucking ruined it for us though. Kenny took too many drugs, drank too much, and forgot about us all the time. Then he started to run out of money, quick too. So one night when me, Farlan and Izzie were in bed asleep he set the house on fire.”

Levi paused, the memories flickering to the front of his mind. He felt panic coming on, and stopped to pause and breathe slowly ten times, squeezing his hands into tight fists to stop them from shaking. No one said anything, they just both waited patiently for Levi to continue talking. Kuchel was crying at this point, only softly so not to distract her son from his train of thought. Erwin also was on the verge of crying, but wanted to keep his tears back.

Levi wafted his hands in the air, “I’m fine, I’m fine. Right, anyway. Set the house on fire. I was in a different room to Izzie and Farlan because their bed was too small and I was sleeping in the living room. The fire hit there first, melting the room away. Could hear them scream. Kenny grabbed me and threw me out of the house. I tried to go back. Wouldn’t let me. Kenny got arrested. Mum got me.” His voice became a mere whisper, “I can still hear them scream. I could have fucking saved them.”

Levi finally breathed after getting it all out as quickly as he could, resting his head on the table and wrapping his arms around his neck for extra protection. Erwin sat in silence, staring at him.

_How has he been through that at such a young age? How have I never known?_

Kuchel gave Levi a sideways hug before walking back to the kitchen to get the breakfast from the hob, wiping her tears away not wanting her son to see her so distraught. She left Erwin to sit with Levi for a while, who had slowly risen his hand to the back of the raven boys head and was stroking his hair softly.

“Levi I – I don’t know what to say.”

“Then don’t.” Levi’s voice took a while to sound, shaken and filled with sorrow.

“Levi are you okay?” He asked, nervously, as he now noticed Levi was shaking and tapping his feet harshly on the floor below him. His breathing was coming hindered and he began to whisper in a raspy breath _shit_ over and over.

“Kuchel?!” Erwin said, causing her to come straight back to the table and sit by her son, massaging his back softly and whispering kind words to him. This went on for over twenty minutes, easily. Levi eventually settled back to normal and then walked to Erwin, curled up in his lap, and wrapped his arms tightly around the back of his neck.

He was blubbering: full on crying like a baby, and Erwin just did what he’d have done for a baby who was crying in his arms – he began stoking Levi’s hair out of his face to avoid the tears, and placing gentle kisses all along his face.

Right now all Erwin wanted to do was wrap Levi in a big, protective blanket and make him forget everything that happened to him. He was even more annoyed at his dad and how he kicked off about Levi despite him being so vulnerable: even more annoyed that Nile felt the need to spike his drink when he’d had so many problems with alcohol when he was a child.

The house remained silent for a long time with just Levi’s cries echoing throughout. Once he’d managed to calm down slightly, the three all went to the living room and put on the TV, Levi still clinging to Erwin and not letting him go. His head rested on Erwin’s shoulder and arms tightly around his body.

Kuchel kept looking towards her son, shooting him loving glances. Whenever she’d walk past him to go to the kitchen or to the bathroom, her frail hand would stroke or touch Levi in any way possible, just so he knew she was there. It was rare that Levi would appear so needy yet so distant at the same time. It was very clear that talking about the past had affected him so much more than he was letting on.

That evening, Levi suffered another panic attack that lasted even longer than the one before, and resulted in him going straight to bed after, bringing Erwin with him. That night they didn’t share any kisses, but instead just physical contact. Levi pressed his body as close to Erwin as he could, and Erwin held him as close to him too as possible.

They slept like that soundly until the next morning, late on, where Levi seemed a lot calmer and a lot more himself, despite waking numerous times throughout the night after nightmares plagued his dreams. Erwin heard him shouting names of his friends and uncle through the night, but left that silent: he didn’t want to bring it up, to disturb his boyfriend more than he’d already suffered.

*****

Levi and Erwin didn’t speak of his past again, and instead spent the week playing video games and watching TV, eating food that Mrs Smith had cooked or Kuchel brought home from the diner. Levi was okay when he wasn’t alone – only that week he suffered one more attack when he was in the bath, causing both Erwin and Kuchel to rush in to help him out.

After he promised Kuchel to start taking his medication again, which he did, and stayed with someone all the time. Towards the end of the week he was feeling so much better and the thoughts of the past were slowly making their way to the back of his mind again.

On Sunday afternoon it was time for Erwin to leave, as was made clear when Mrs Smith stood up from drinking her coffee and patting Erwin’s knee.

“Come on then son, we better be getting home. Kuchel, thank you so much again for everything you have done for us this week. I cannot stress how much I appreciate it.”

“Oh honestly it’s fine. Erwin had helped Levi so much more than we have helped him this week, anyway.”

“Thank you for letting me stay, Miss Ackerman. I’ll just go get my bags from the bedroom and then be out of your hair.”

Erwin stood up and Levi followed straight after, shutting the door when he got to his room. Before saying anything, Levi grabbed Erwin’s arm and spun him round, planting a passionate kiss on his lips before mumbling a very quiet thank you.

“You don’t need to thank me Levi.” Erwin smiled, placing a gentle and soft kiss on his boyfriend before grabbing the large bag containing a weeks’ worth of clothes. They shared a huge hug before heading back to the door.

“Text me, Levi, if you need me. I’ll see you tomorrow anyway.”

“Yeah sure.” Levi nodded, a small smile placed on his face.

When the two boys got back into the main living area, both mums were stood by the door faces intently serious but upon seeing Levi, they both softened their faces to a smile trying to cover up what they were clearly talking about.

“Thank you again, Miss Ackerman.” Erwin said after pulling on his boots.

“That is absolutely fine Erwin, I don’t know how many times I’ll have to say this in your lifetime but you’re literally welcome here at any time.”

Erwin smiled, and after a final goodbye, the Smiths walked down the stairs silently and climbed into the car. Only now was it beginning to set into Erwin what had actually happened that week: he couldn’t stop thinking about how his dad was going to relax, but even more so he couldn’t stop thinking about Levi and his past life. He’d never seen someone suffering so much, especially the evening Levi had told him what had happened. The thought of it made Erwin’s breath choke.

“Had a good week, darling?” Mrs Smith asked, smiling at him, but the smile dropped immediately when Erwin broke down crying covering his face with his hands.

“Oh honey, please don’t cry. Your father is a lot calmer now, don’t worry about him at all. I sorted him out-“

“Mum it’s so sad!” Erwin cried out, practically shouting, “I didn’t know what to say. Levi it’s just… He was so young. And then Nile did that, what the hell.”

“I know darling it’s awful, but look now he’s so much stronger and he’s got you and Kuchel, plus friends like Mike and Nanaba. Kuchel said he’s so much better now than he was.” She reached a hand over and rubbed her fingers over her sons’ hand, and slowly his crying became mere hiccups as they pulled into the drive.

The pair climbed out of the car slowly, and upon doing so Erwin went to his mum and threw his arms around her, needing to feel protected for once. They held each other in the drive for a few minutes before Mrs Smith picked up her sons bag, and they walked up to the front door and inside.

Erwin sighed as he pulled his shoes off, walking straight to his fathers’ office knowing that he couldn’t avoid him forever. Mr Smith was sat there, marking some work from a University student. As soon as Erwin appeared in the door, he glanced up at him with a softened expression suggesting it was time to make up.

“Hi, son.” Mr Smith finally said, as Erwin walked in and took the seat in front of his dads’ desk.

“Hi.” Erwin mumbled back.

“Did you have a nice week away at Levi’s house?” There was no anger in his voice, no distaste at saying the boy’s name. Erwin’s eyebrow slightly raised at hearing this, but tried to keep his expression still.

“Yeah. Was really good, he’s such a good person.”

Mr Smith nodded, “I apologise for my actions on your party.”

Erwin smiled, knowing that was the best his father was ever going to give him. He’d never admit that he was wrong, and he’d never bad mouth a Dok, so Erwin just smiled along. “Me too, father.”

“Well, now that’s past us, hadn’t you better go do your school work for tomorrow?”

“Yes father.” Erwin stood up and walked to the office door, still smiling at the fact his father hadn’t just stuck with his opinions of the week before.

“Perhaps Levi Ackerman isn’t so much like his uncle after all.” Erwin heard his father mumble as the door closed shut behind him, and Erwin walked up the stairs to his bedroom, flopping on the bed and breathing in the safe scent of home.

*****

School rolled round quickly the next morning, and Erwin went to pick Levi up in his car before driving them both to school. The car ride seemed quiet, but pleasant. Levi didn’t seem too nervous or bothered about going to school and facing Nile; but that was more to do with the fact that he had everyone else finally on his side.

They pulled up in a student parking space, meeting Mike and Nanaba at the entrance of school before the four of them walked to their form room together.

“How’s the arms?” Mike asked, looking at Levi’s bandages.

“Fine. Can’t take them off for a while in case of infection, apparently.” Levi grunted, rolling his eyes. The bandages were itchy and restrictive, and he hated how uncomfortable they were.

“Least the injury isn’t so bad.” Nanaba smiled at Levi, “You doing okay after the party now?”

“Yeah. Fine. Just fucking hate Nile even more.”

The three around Levi smiled at that, and each nodded in unison clearly agreeing to what Levi had said. When they approached form room, Nanaba wandered in first, followed by Mike, then Levi, and Erwin just behind as though they were all trying to keep him safe in the middle. Levi clearly noticed this, and rolled his eyes in an exaggerating fashion.

“I can look after myself.” He grumbled, folding his arms, but Erwin just smiled at him and took the seat next to his boyfriend. The blonde haired boys eyes hadn’t drifted from Levi all morning: he didn’t want to take his eyes off him, he just wanted to be there and protect him even more so after finding out about his past.

Levi glanced around the room, noticing that Nile wasn’t there and Marie was sat towards the back by herself. He looked at his friends all stood around his desk and lifted his eyebrow. Seemed like Nile was more nervous than Levi at seeing everyone.

The teacher walked into the room a moment later, forcing everyone to go and take their usual seats, parting Levi from Erwin for the first half of the day. Levi spent the whole morning just staring out of the window, mind drifting away. Yet again, Erwin’s eyes didn’t leave the smaller boy – worried that if he looked away for even a moment, something back would happen.

Soon enough the school day was over with no appearance from Nile and no comments made from Marie. It seemed she practically disappeared and melted away into the large school crowds that day, trying to avoid anyone from mentions of what happened at the party.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much again for reading and all the kudos! I'm trying to put chapters out as soon as I can to keep the story flowing. I hope it's okay!


	14. First Times (really)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Levi's birthday, and he definitely deserves something good to happen.

Nile returned to school after about a week, looking rather sheepish and avoiding everyone else who was there. He clung to Marie: break times, whatever lessons they had together. It was made very clear that he wasn’t welcomed in his old friendship group, which gave Levi a boost of confidence as he felt a lot safer and a lot more confident at school when Nile wasn’t trying to barge in.

It also helped his panic attacks reduce greatly: he suffered them a lot less, maybe due to Nile distancing himself from the group, but maybe due to the fact he’d started to religiously take his anxiety tablets (mainly to calm Kuchel’s nerves, he still didn’t like how they made him feel). Levi still hadn’t bothered to go round to the Smiths, and instead every weekend Erwin spent the days at his boyfriends. It also worked better since the house was always free, and so they could do what they liked.

The winter exams were coming up soon as the months approached late November, and Erwin had taken up to spending his weekends mainly revising at Levi’s, whilst the latter rolled about on the sofa playing on his DS or watching TV. Unfortunately for Levi, the exams were serious: whilst the grades didn’t go towards the end of year total, they were sent off to colleges and universities as applications, confirming whether or not the student would be accepted. But Levi seriously didn’t seem bothered by this.

“Levi you’ve really got to revise a bit for these exams, I don’t want you to fail.”

“Hmm.” Levi replied, too engrossed in his game. Erwin sighed and put his pen down in the centre of his book, walking over to Levi and closing the DS, switching the TV off in the process.

“Hey shithead I was winning that race!” Levi growled out, angrily. But Erwin had already taken the game out of his hands and placed it on the table.

“You need to do some work.”

“You need to chill out a bit, Erwin.” Levi glared at his boyfriend, an annoyance in his voice. Erwin hadn’t paid Levi as much attention recently, and as they slowly were becoming more _experimental_ in what they were doing in their free time, it got on Levi’s nerves that they were no longer participating in what they were before – he was just feeling more confident with it, and was worried the feeling would dwindle away the longer they spent untouched. But Erwin had always been like this before exams. He’d sometimes have gone weeks without seeing anyone in his free time before, spending the hours revising instead. Levi was pretty impressed that this year he’d actually bothered to come revise in a different location, which the smaller boy was definitely somewhat grateful for.

“You’re getting old and boring too quick Erwin, we should be having fun.”

Erwin climbed onto the sofa and towered above his boyfriend knowing that Levi liked feeling smaller under him, teasing, “And how do you suppose we do that?” Erwin lowered his voice so it sounded deeper, sexier, smoother. Levi hummed contentedly under his breath.

The blonde haired man pressed his lips down gently onto Levi’s, slowly parting them before pulling away mischievously. “Maybe we’ll have fun later, but first, you have to do at least one piece of the revision textbook.”

Levi let out a loud and exaggerated sigh, before climbing out from under Erwin and kneeling down at the coffee table opening the notebook and beginning to work through the revision answers. “You better promise.”

They ended up spending most of the afternoon revising, and only realised this when Kuchel popped home during her lunchtime to pick up her shopping list which she forgot that morning.

“Oh, boys. I didn’t think you’d both still be in! Although it is extremely cold outside today. And I definitely didn’t think you’d both be in doing real work.” Kuchel’s eyebrows were slightly lifted when she saw her son sat at the table in his dark rimmed glasses, working through the textbook he hadn’t even bothered to look at beforehand. Kuchel didn’t doubt for a second that Erwin would be working, especially after hearing her son’s complaints about him for weeks. She was just taken aback by her son actually revising voluntarily.

“Ah yes, Miss Ackerman. I told Levi we really did need to revise, our exams are three weeks away and then we break up for Christmas. It’s the last push now.”

“Very wise words, Erwin. I wish you could make him do his school work a lot more often.” Kuchel chuckled, picking up what she intended to get before turning back to her son, just as she reached the front door.

“Oh Levi before I forgot, I need to book your cake today. What do you want?”

“Christmas cake.” Levi mumbled sarcastically. Whilst he liked his birthday, he hated the fact it was on Christmas Day and he couldn’t spend the stupid day with any of his friends, and most likely not even Erwin since it was such a family day and the Smiths had always celebrated the holiday as a big family occasion.

“What was that?” Kuchel replied.

“None. I don’t want a fucking cake.”

“Levi! Watch your potty mouth! And fine, whatever. I’ll decide for you then.”

“No wait, vanilla then.” Levi replied in a panic, picking his favourite cake. Kuchel smiled and nodded at his reply, before leaving the door to run her errands before she finished her lunch break. It was one of the perks of living so close to the diner.

“What’s your plan for your birthday, Levi?” Erwin asked, putting his pen back down and looking up at his boyfriend. Levi didn’t bother looking back.

“Nothing. It’s Christmas.”

Erwin laughed. “Yes I know its Christmas, I’ve known you for ten years now. So what’s your plan?”

Levi shrugged.

“Well if you want I was going to suggest my coming round here? If that’s okay with you.”

“What about your family?”

“Mother already said its okay, as long as I wake up at home on Christmas Day and enjoy our traditional family breakfast with them. I know we usually celebrate your birthday a few days later, however since it’s your eighteenth this time around I thought we’d be better celebrating it on the actual day: makes it more special.”

Levi huffed under his breath, before continuing what he was doing on the paper in front of him. He was grateful that Erwin was willing to stay with him on his birthday, but was more worried about how the Smiths would take it considering recent events.

That’s why Levi was even more surprised when on December 24th Erwin turned up on his drive in his car, with a bouquet of flowers and dressed in a smart shirt and some even smarter trousers. Levi was barely awake when Erwin had pulled up at 9 that morning, and thankfully it was Kuchel that noticed as she was about to leave for her long Christmas Eve shift.

“Oh, Erwin. A pleasant surprise.” Kuchel smiled warmly at him, before opening the door further for him to walk into the flat. “And what brings you here today?” She wandered over to Levi’s door, giving it a knock before walking back to get the answer from her sons’ boyfriend.

“It’s a surprise, for Levi’s birthday. I was hoping it would be okay if I were to take him away his evening? I promise to return him tomorrow before dinner, so you’ll still get him on his birthday.”

Kuchel’s eyebrows raised slightly, before she smiled. “Yes of course, Erwin. Do your family mind you being away on Christmas?”

“Father did at first, however mother convinced him otherwise pretty quickly, so it’s all fine. They said as long as I’m at the Boxing Day party this year they’ll let me escape Christmas.”

“I’m glad it’s okay, Levi will definitely appreciate that. It’ll be his first Christmas spent with someone besides family. What are your plans?”

“I’ve –“ Erwin began to speak, until Levi wandered out of his room in glasses and messy, tussled hair: nothing but PJs still on his body. Erwin bent down to Kuchel and whispered that he’d have to tell her about it later, so as to keep the surprise.

“Morning, sleepyhead.” Erwin chuckled. Levi, clearly not finding it as funny, grunted and poured a glass of orange juice.

“Well I’m going to be getting off now.” Kuchel said, before walking up to Levi and giving him a tight squeeze. He shrugged her off, grimacing. “Happy Birthday for tomorrow morning darling. I’ll see you on the evening.”

Levi suddenly looked up at her, confused. “Evening?”

“Yes, but I’ll let Erwin take it from here.” A gentle and soft kiss was placed on Levi’s forehead before Kuchel picked up her bag and walked through the front door, smiling at the two as she left.

Levi turned his direction back to his boyfriend, only noticing the bouquet of flowers he was holding now. Levi tried to contain his blush before repeating the same question as before, “evening?”

“Yes, Levi. I’m taking you away for your birthday. I’ve booked us a night at this really nice lodge in the countryside, with a hot tub and our own little kitchen there too.”

“That’s too much.” Levi said, frowning at just thinking of the expense it must have cost him. And it was expensive: Erwin had used half of his birthday money, plus some from his mother on the lodge itself. The remainder went on Levi’s gifts. But Mrs Smith told Erwin that the money should be spent on the pair of them, and so it was.

“Nothing is too much for you.” Erwin said, beaming. He walked to Levi and wrapped his arms around him, placing the flowers gently on the work top. After sharing a kiss together, Levi walked to the flowers, smelt them and nodded politely in acceptance. He knew he wouldn’t be able to argue with Erwin over this, and left the negative comments to the side.

He then walked to get ready: having a shower, washing his hair and drying it, getting dressed into his usual dark green jumper with a top under it as the weather was so harsh. After pulling on his boots which he had just cleaned excessively the day before over his jeans, he appeared from the bedroom and shouted for Erwin to come in.

Seconds later his boyfriend appeared, smiling still. He was clearly very excited about the night away.

“What do I need to pack?” Levi asked, before continuing. “I’ve got my pyjamas, toothbrush and toiletries, clothes for tomorrow, underwear. Anything else?”

“How about some swimming trunks? For the hot tub?” Erwin offered. Upon the suggestion, Levi walked to his drawers and pulled out the pair he had tucked towards the back. He hadn’t worn them in years. Neatly, they were placed at the top of his overnight bag.

“Shall I bring…” Levi began, before his eyes drifted to the nightstand. Erwin knew what he was asking: a few weeks ago, the pair had ventured into town together and bought lube which they’d experimented with a few times. Erwin also ended up bringing the condoms round to keep at Levi’s that he bought ages ago on their first date, since they were never at the Smiths household anymore. The box still remained unopened.

“Whatever you’d like, Levi. Again I’m not going to pressure you into doing anything you’re uncomfortable with.”

Levi nodded, before deciding and he threw them all quickly into his bag, making both his and Erwin’s heart race slightly at just the thought of what might be happening in their night away together.

Once Levi was fully ready, the two walked around the flat and turned everything off, before grabbing coats and scarfs on the way to the car, locking up tightly behind them.

The boot was loaded quickly, and Erwin had held open the door for Levi to climb into who decided to bring his bouquet of flowers with him. On the backseat a very large black bag as positioned: Levi chose to ignore it, but assumed that it was more birthday surprises from Erwin. The engine turned on and the car set off slowly, driving out of the estate in a direction Levi had never been in before. He was excited for his time away with Erwin.

After a while in the car, Levi turned to face his boyfriend.

“So how far is it?”

“Not too far. My GPS says it’s about an hour away. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” Levi replied, before drifting his eye line back to the window and looking out warmly onto the snowy fields that lay on the side. The snow never settled as beautifully in the town they lived in, purely because of all the footsteps and the cars that drove through it.

“Have you had breakfast?” Erwin then asked. Levi shook his head.

“Someone decided to show up ridiculously fucking early so I barely had time to do anything.” Levi grumbled, causing Erwin to chuckle in the seat next to him.

“Shall we pull into the next services? Grab a sandwich and a quick drink?”

“Sounds good.” Levi nodded in acceptance, and about ten minutes later down the road the car pulled into a parking space and the two bailed out. It was surprisingly busy for the time of year, however they both assumed it was due to all the people going home for Christmas.

After ordering two hot chocolates, and a croissant each at Starbucks, the pair sat down and ate quickly: eager to get back onto the road and arrive at the lodge. The journey was a lot quicker after the service stop and before they knew it, Erwin was driving up a long road that led to the lodges they were staying at.

“Looks like we’re here!” Erwin said, a smile plastered on his face and excitement in his voice. Levi looked around, admiring the view – it was truly magical.

The road itself had fairy lights between branches lighting the way, and trees too were decorated with dainty lights and star decorations. The white snow remained untouched on the ground; a blanket of purity, covering all the dirt underneath. The lodges were all separated out from one another, nothing close at all. Each lodge had a little picket fence around the outside with a blossoming garden, and again lovely lights scattered along the top of the roof. Levi didn’t say anything, but smiled: a smile so wide his teeth were showing and his eyes gently creased shut slightly. He’d never been anywhere like this: never seen anything so exquisite.

After parking and removing the bags from the boot, the boys walked to reception where Erwin checked in with the lady behind the counter.

“Ah, Mr Smith and Mr Ackerman. Welcome to Sleepy Forest Resort. You’ll be cabin 25 as requested. Please, follow me.”

Levi quickly grabbed hold of Erwin’s hand, feeling assured that he wouldn’t see any unwanted faces around here. Erwin looked down, smiling, as the pair followed the bonny lady to a golf buggy, loading all their bags onto the back of it. She then drove the couple to their cabin which was furthest away from the resort, deep in the woods and away from every other cabin.

“So this is the honeymoon cabin, are you two celebrating?” She asked, clearly showing on her face that she thought they were a tiny bit too young to be married. Levi’s face dropped in horror when he heard the name of the cabin, but was eased by Erwin’s little chuckle.

“No nothing like that, it’s just Levi’s birthday so we decided to have a romantic getaway.”

“Oh” she laughed slightly, “I’m sorry for the confusion there. What a wonderful idea. Here, take the keys. Should you need anything just dial number three and we’ll deal with it there. Enjoy your stay with us.”

“Thank you.” Erwin smiled, taking the keys from her hand as she climbed back into the company golf buggy and drove off into the direction of reception.

“Shall I unlock it or shall you?” Erwin asked Levi, who responded by taking the keys from his boyfriends hand and unlocking the door. Upon that he was faced with the cosiest room he’d ever seen: a roaring log fire was in the centre of the room, with a deep red velvet sofa placed in front of it. In the middle of the room laid a table loaded with presents and an even larger bouquet of flowers. A cake was position on the kitchen counter, with two candles burning at either side of it with a card next to them.

The bedroom was just off from the living area, a king size bed with deep red covers thrown on it. The bed had four posters with curtains draping between each one, and off from the bedroom led to the bathroom with a deep bath detailed with Jacuzzi filters, blasting bubbles into the water.

Outside the glass windows was the hot tub, and views of nothing but forest with fairy lights sprinkled between the trees. Both boys were breathless, just wandering around hands still firmly etched together. After taking it all in, Levi led them to the sofa and sat down with a heavy thump.

Erwin stood up and walked back to the door to grab the big black back, and proceed in taking things out of it and adding them to the table.

“What’s all this?” Levi asked, eyes anxiously looking over the table and gifts in the bag.

“They’re all for you.” Erwin smiled.

“No Erwin why have you spent so much? It’s way too much.”

“Only the ones on the table already are from me, I sent them over and they offered to put them up in the cabin ready for our arrival. The ones in this bag are from other people: Mike and Nanaba, Petra and Hange, my parents, my sister.” He took them all out and laid them on the table.

“You’re not allowed to open them until midnight though, as it’s not your birthday yet and I believe in bad luck.” Levi rolled his eyes, before they drifted over to the gift laden table.

“It’s just – so much. I fucked your birthday up, and then you spend all this on me?”

“Don’t be silly Levi. You didn’t ruin my birthday at all.”

He sighed, knowing there was no point in arguing with Erwin now: they were both here, and it wasn’t like he was going to act ungrateful for all his gifts and the lodge because he was anything but. Instead, he simply smiled before placing a kiss on Erwin’s lips.

The taller, blonde man then walked to the kitchen, finding a complimentary bottle of non-alcoholic wine and poured it into two glasses. “Care to join me in the hot tub?”

“Of course.” Levi joked, standing up and quickly taking his clothes off, putting them neatly away in cupboards and drawers before walking outside in his trunks behind his boyfriend.

The winter air was crisp and cool, and the sun was slowly sinking in and out behind clouds, making everything seem even colder. However, once both submerged into the deep water, the warmth filled their bodies and they ended up shifting closer together until their limbs were entwined.

“This is so nice, Erwin.” Levi said, sighing contently. “Thank you so much.”

Erwin bent down and placed a loving kiss on his forehead; in all the years he’d known Levi, he’d never seen him so relaxed or happy with his surroundings, melting Erwin’s heart. After the rough year that Levi had had with school, Nile, and after just finding out about his tragic past, all Erwin wanted to do was treat Levi in the way he deserved.

“Would you like to order some lunch in, Levi? Or do you want to wander to the little shop and pick some bits up that we can cook, and order in later?”

“Cook now. Can go for a bit of an explore then.”

“Sounds like a good idea to me.” Erwin poured the rest of the drink into his mouth before shuffling around awkwardly and climbing out of the warm water. Practically running inside because of the coolness, he jumped straight in the shower whilst Levi basked in the water of the hot tub for a while longer before following his boyfriends’ steps.

Twenty minutes later they were both dressed, scarfs wrapped tightly around their necks and big winter coats on. Levi’s battered dark green scarf covered the bottom half of his face so all you could see was the top of his nose and eyes, which Erwin found absolutely adorable and made sure to tell the smaller boy numerous times in which all Levi responded with was a grunt.

Locking up the lodge, hand in hand, Erwin and Levi walked to the corner shop placed near the reception. The snow wasn’t too deep on the paths, and a lot of gravel was placed down so they were sure not to slip. The woods around them were quiet despite all the lights being on in lodges and clearly occupied. Levi felt content: happy, for the first time in a long time. There was nothing niggling at his brain, nothing that would distract him from the joy he was feeling.

In the shop the two bought some sweets and nibbles for the later afternoon, as well as two sandwiches and a bottle of apple juice. Paying swiftly at the till, the bag was packed and they proceeded back onto the route home. This time, rather than sticking to the path, Erwin suggested walking in the deeper snow.

This was fine for the tall man, the snow going half way up his calf and still protected from his trousers by boots. However, for Levi, it reached above his knee and was struggling to keep up with Erwin, swearing every step he took.

“It’s fucking cold.”

“Shit.”

“Fucking wait, Erwin.”

“Shit.”

After having enough of the moaning, Erwin turned back and picked Levi up, flinging him over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry, laughing loudly as he did so.

“Fucking put me down!”

“No. You can’t walk in his snow, it’s too deep. I’m bringing us back to the path.”

“Erwin don’t fucking hell someone will see.” Levi began frantically kicking his legs in funny positions before the snow got shallower and Erwin put him down still chuckling.

“It’s not funny.”

“Isn’t it?” Erwin teased. Levi responded by throwing a ball of the icy cold snow at Erwin’s face, hitting him on the cheek plastering it red raw. Now Levi let out a large laugh, running off as quickly as he could. Erwin, too laughing, grabbed another ball of snow hitting Levi on his back; hard.

Levi tripped forward slightly, using it to his advantage and grabbing even more snow throwing it back at Erwin, hitting his shoulder this time. A roar of laughter left his small body, before he ran even further ahead and managed to hide behind some trees from Erwin, plummeting three snowballs at him as the blonde approached the hiding spot.

“Hey! No fair, Levi.” But Levi didn’t care, he just laughed.

Calling a truce on the fight, after at least an hour in the freezing snow, the boys returned to their lodge arms wrapped tightly around each other and both soaking wet.

Whilst Erwin put their lunches on plates, Levi ran the bath adding bubbles before stripping off quickly. A small table was displayed next to the water on which Erwin placed their lunches and a mug of hot chocolate each, before stripping off too and sinking in the water opposite Levi.

“Ah. This is so lovely and warm.”

Levi hummed in agreement, eyes shut, before reaching over and taking a large bite of his sandwich.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” Erwin asked, eyes not leaving his boyfriends face. Levi just smiled back, beaming.

“I love it Erwin. And it’s rare I love anything.”

“You love me.”

“True.” Levi tittered, before finishing off his sandwich and shuffling up to Erwin, the hot chocolate in his wet hands. His small head rested against the chest of his boyfriend, listening to the soft heartbeats flowing round his body. Levi shut his eyes and absorbed as much as he could of the moment, feeling so happy.

The two enjoyed a very chilled and relaxed afternoon together. Erwin brought a blanket into the living room which the boys snuggled under, with a fresh hot chocolate each. The fire was still roaring as Levi’s favourite film played on the TV in the lodge, and the sweets they picked up earlier placed in a bowl next to Levi kept getting emptied and were completely gone by the time it reached seven.

“I wish we didn’t have to ever leave.” Levi said after a while, his eyes heavy as he was nodding off.

“I do too, Levi.” Erwin sighed, a gentle hand stroking down the side of Levi’s soft face.

He left the raven haired boy to sleep whilst ordering the food for dinner. Earlier that day they had both decided on ordering the most lavish thing they could find that they’d actually enjoy, so had both decided on the extra-large vegetarian Christmas Dinner – nut roast, Yorkshire puddings, broccoli, peas, mashed potato and roast potatoes, gravy. They also ordered some custard to enjoy with Levi’s birthday cake, gifted by the lodge company, for pudding.

The dinner arrived an hour later, delivered by the chefs on a lovely old fashioned tray. Alongside it they had placed some luxury chocolates as a gift for the pair, and once Erwin had sat up and collected the food, Levi was already huddled at the dining table lighting the candles.

“It smells amazing.” Erwin commented, putting the dishes down.

“It does.”

The two plates were positioned in front of both the boys, as they tucked in quickly not looking up to speak until the plates were empty and they were both rubbing their full tummies. After, and before desert, Erwin pulled out a pack of cards from the cupboard and sat it in the centre of the table.

“Do you remember the day we met in elementary school, Levi?”

“Yeah obviously. You leant me your colours. You were a right little choir boy.”

“Oi, what’s that supposed to mean?” Erwin laughed, before continuing. “We ended up talking about our favourite games, and you said yours was go fish.”

“Vaguely, how do you even remember that?”

Erwin just breathed a laugh. “Do you want to play it now?”

“God if I can remember how. I haven’t played that since I was about seven.”

“Well, we’ll see shall we?”

Erwin dealt the cards and after a few rounds, Levi got the hang of it, eventually beating Erwin proudly, and a snicker on his face. He was always good at card games, it was one of the good things that came out of living with Kenny. They continued playing late into the night, and before they knew it, the clock struck midnight christening Levi’s birthday and also Christmas day.

Levi had not forgotten that it was too, Christmas day, and as soon as he heard the clock chime before Erwin could speak he dashed to his bedroom and pulled out the gift bag he hid at the bottom of his bag, returning back to the table quickly.

“Merry Christmas, Erwin.” Levi smiled, handing it over the table. Erwin looked shocked, then cross at the bag before him.

“No. Christmas for me is Boxing Day, so instead happy birthday Levi.” Before Levi could interject with protest, Erwin crawled round the table and placed a kiss on his lips. “We can light the cake now and you can open presents from everyone but me. Mine are for tomorrow morning.”

“Fine, fine.” Levi said, wafting his arms in his usual way in the air before walking to the kitchen. Erwin lit the 18 candles on the cake before Levi gave them a hefty blow, and Erwin cut the cake neatly into smaller pieces before placing them in bowls with custard.

The two then walked back to the living room where the gifts lay on the table neatly, and sat down beside each other. Levi ate his desert quickly, lapping up every last drip of custard and cake he could find before scanning over the table again.

“How about Mike and Nanaba’s gifts first?” Erwin asked, and Levi nodded. The former then picked five things from the table and handed them to Levi alongside the card. He was still shocked that his friends had got him so many things.

Neatly folding the wrapping paper away, it revealed what the couple had bought him: a box of cleaning things (clearly a joke and reference to how clean he is), a bottle of his favourite elderflower juice that was oddly expensive, his favourite album on both CD and vinyl, and a new notebook for him to draw in. Everything was so thoughtful, he decided not to speak whilst he opened the card.

_To our best bud Levi,_

_Happy 18 th birthday! Finally catching up to me and Erwin. I hope you have the best time at the lodge with Erwin and the best birthday ever, I can’t think of anyone else who deserves it more than you do. And I hope you like the gifts that Nanaba and I picked out; we tried to go for things that all meant something to you. Please don’t be offended by the cleaning supplies, but I can assure they’ll definitely go into good use._

_Always got your back!_

_Mike and Nan xxxxxx_

Levi passed the card to Erwin to read, staying silent the entire time. There were definitely some tears swelling in his eyes at this point, but he refused to let them fall and instead moved onto Hange and Petra’s gifts. They had got him some different teas in different tins – orange blossom, jasmine, and of course black tea. Alongside that a framed photo of the six of them sitting in the milkshake bar Hange had taken them to for lunch, which had now become a weekly tradition. Finally, the pair had given Levi a £30 voucher for the cinema since it was his favourite date place with Erwin. He smiled at the message written alongside the voucher, before again opening the card.

The card started singing happy birthday as soon as it opened, so typical of Hange.

_My lovely and precious little Levi,_

_You are both mine and Petra’s favourite human (but don’t tell anyone else) and because of this we wish you the most wonderful and special 18 th birthday in the world. I’m sure Erwin is treating you like the king you are at the lodge, and I can’t wait to see you when you arrive back home._

_I love you Levi, you’re the greatest friend someone like me or Petra could wish for. Happy birthday!_

_Lots and lots, and lots, of love, Hange and Petra xoxox_

“When will people stop calling me little?” Levi grunted, handing the card to Erwin to read as well, smiling yet again at the mention of his name in the card.

“But it is true, you are quite small Levi.” Erwin laughed, cheekily, receiving a cushion in the face for it.

Erwin handed the gifts from his family to Levi next: the last ones he was to open that evening. Erwin’s sister had sent a lovely, paisley print shirt in Levi’s size (obviously having either asked Erwin or Mrs Smith what size it was) and a card which said to have a wonderful birthday and that she hopes she gets to see him again soon. She wasn’t one to usually send gifts, but since it was Levi’s 18th she was adamant to send one. It was the same of Mike also.

Mr and Mrs Smith, but all obviously from Mrs Smith, had bought Levi a hamper of a selection of things. They too had got him a smart shirt, but this one a crisp dark green very much the same colour of the jumper he wears religiously, they had got him a selection of new books to read, a new game for his DS he always plays, and also a voucher for the French bakery that Erwin buys his breakfast from occasionally, knowing how much he liked it. Alongside the larger gifts were some sweets and biscuits, a selection of different fruit juices, and a glass saying “18 today” on it. He smiled at the thoughtful selection, before reading their card.

_To Levi,_

_Happy 18 th darling. We are both very happy that Erwin has someone like you in his life, and wish you all the best for this year to come._

_Lots of love, the Smiths xxx_

After passing the last card to Erwin for him to read, the wrapping paper was gathered by the latter and placed into a large bin bag, and the gifts placed into a spare suitcase that Erwin conveniently brought with him. The two put their pots from dinner into the dishwasher, before turning the fire off, blowing candles out, and heading to bed hand in hand.

*****

Once in bed, the four curtains were drawn around the edges so Levi and Erwin were in their own small bubble next to each other. Their fingers entwined under the covers as they laid on their backs, looking up at the roof of the bed thoughts running through their minds.

Levi knew he wanted it to happen; especially now, somewhere so special and magic. The nerves were building up in him though, causing a gentle shiver through his body as he heard Erwin gulp loudly. Almost in unison, the pair rolled onto their sides and shuffled their bodies closer together, eyes locking just before they slid shut and their lips met.

It started gentle, calm and soft: but after a while the kisses became deeper; much more passionate and longing. Their bodies squeezed even closer under the covers, hands roaming over the opposite’s body, trying to feel as much as they could in that moment.

Next, Erwin removed Levi’s pyjama top, lowering his body onto his boyfriend as he pushed him gently onto his back, kissing and biting on his neck leaving subtle purple marks almost immediately, before shifting downwards, kissing and licking Levi’s sensitive spots causing breathy grunts and moans to seep from his mouth; face content and blushed, flustered.

Erwin then slid Levi’s bottoms off, folding them neatly and placing them at the end of the bed, before ducking back under the covers and taking him full into his mouth, sucking hard, leading to more moans of enjoyment before Levi pulled his boyfriend from under the covers and undressed him too, quickly and eager.

The pair paused for a moment, just looking at each other, stroking the others face. Whilst the excitement of the moment had got to them, both knew they needed to take it slow for their first time: it wasn’t something that could be rushed; they wanted it to be as painless and romantic as possible.

Levi placed another gentle kiss on his boyfriends’ mouth before reaching round the curtain, grabbing the lube and a condom from the side table in the bedroom. He passed the former to Erwin, who helped Levi get into the best position. Levi shuddered slightly when he heard the bottle cap pop open, but then closed and breathed in when he knew to. They’d done this action many times before, but each time it felt so new to Levi.

After Erwin worked him properly and Levi felt ready, stretched and as comfortable as he could, Erwin ripped the condom open and slid it on, coating himself in more lube, before positioning Levi again and hovering over him, strong arms at either side of the smaller man’s head.

“You alright, Levi?” Erwin asked. Levi just nodded, not wanting to speak due to the nerves swelling up in him.

“Is this position okay for you?” Again, a silent nod. “Okay if you relax as much as you can and I’ll just slide in slightly, but if it hurts too much say and I’ll stop immediately.”

Levi responded by wrapping his arms around Erwin’s neck and placing a soft kiss on his cheek. Erwin did as he said he was going to, pushing ever-so-slightly into Levi causing a pained noise to squeak from his body.

“Everything okay?”

“Just… give it a second.”

They held like that for a few minutes before Levi said it was okay to go in deeper, and Erwin did gently thrusting a small amount of him into his boyfriend, who began to feel the pleasure from the action and kept encouraging Erwin to go in deeper when he felt it was okay.

After a while everything was moving in unison, smoothly, Levi enjoying himself. It was soft and tender, a few small kisses shared between each thrust and a very gentle moan with each from both. When Erwin announced he was close, he grabbed Levi in his hand and completed him too, both releasing at a very similar time, collapsing into a heap of breathes and sweat on the bed.

“How are you, Levi?” Erwin asked, leaning over and kissing him, a smile on his face. Levi just nodded, trying to ignore the burning sensation the pleasure had caused him now they were settle in the bed. He blinked back a few leaking tears, hiding them from Erwin – it didn’t hurt as much during, but now he felt it.

However as soon as strong arms wrapped around him and pulled him close, the pain subsided and warmth filled him instead; contentedness. The first time was never going to be the most amazing pleasure ever, however he was so happy he did it. And even happier that it was with the one person he’s loved since he was eight, the one person he couldn’t bear to be apart from.

Closing his eyes, Levi’s mind drifted off with Erwin’s smiling face in it, welcoming his birthday for the first time in his life with a happy, warm glow in his stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seem to have made Levi come across as super emotional and sensitive, but I like thinking that Erwin makes him feel comfortable enough to act like that 8-) sorry if you all hate it! And further thank you's for giving your time to read this, it's making me so happy at the response it's gotten so far! <3


	15. Christmas Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Erwin come home from their break to continue birthday celebrations at home with Kuchel.

The next morning the pair awoke early, trying to get as much of the day in as possible whilst they were at the lodge. Erwin woke up first, running a deep hot bath for Levi with lots of bubbles so he could soak his aching body after the night before.

He then walked to the kitchen and ordered their pancakes to arrive in an hour and half, so they could have a longer time to get ready and soak the morning away whilst they had the Jacuzzi option.

Before Levi climbed out of bed, he scrolled through his phone reading all the texts he’d gotten, all from the usual suspects. Whilst Erwin was busy out of the room prepping the bathroom, he phoned his mum quickly because he knew she’d want to hear from him on his birthday morning.

“Hello?”

“Hi mum.”

“Levi darling, happy birthday! Do you feel older yet?”

He laughed, she asked this every year. “Yes mum, a million times older than less than nine hours ago.” He could hear her smile through the phone.

“And are you enjoying yourself at the lodge?”

“Yeah mum it’s lovely. A massive fire, hot tub, and even the bed is four poster with curtains around it. We’re literally in the middle of the forest too. I’ll take some photos and show you when I get home.”

“Sounds wonderful, I can’t wait. But I’ll let you get off, enjoy your morning with Erwin. What time do you think you’ll be home?”

“I’m not sure, maybe four? We have to check out at two thirty and it’s an hour and a bit of a drive.”

“Okay that’s fine! Let me know when you’re about twenty minutes away.”

“Will do. Merry Christmas too, mum.”

“Thank you love, but none of that today. I’ll see you tonight.”

“Yeah. Bye mum, love you.”

“Love you too. Behave!”

And with that she hung the phone up, causing Levi to lift his achy body from the bed, throwing a dressing gown on, and wander into the living space to find Erwin. He was already making a cup of tea and loading two cups onto a small tray.

“I’ve ran you a bath and made you a cup of tea too, if that’s okay.”

“Thanks Erwin.” Levi said, walking up to his boyfriend and wrapping arms around his back feeling unusually loving and clinging, perhaps due to the evening prior, before turning around and heading back to the deep bath in the bathroom. Never had warm water looked so inviting; candles lit around the side of the water, bubbles overflowing from the top. Without even thinking, Levi stripped off and jumped in the water, submerging his body.

Erwin headed to the bedroom to make the bed, noticing a few small red dots on the sheets and feeling his heart sink at the thought he had hurt Levi. After reading and seeing many things online over the years, he assumed that it would have been painful for his partner, yet Levi definitely wasn’t one to express weakness, whether or not he was in pain. He took the sheet off and left them in the wash basket for the maid to collect, wrapping them round as to cover the marks before walking to the bathroom and hopping into the water.

“And how are you feeling today, Levi?” Erwin asked.

“Mmm.” He grumbled into the water, “A lot less sore now I’m in here.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you, Levi.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “I told you not to apologise. Its fine, it didn’t hurt for the most of it and it’s bound to at first anyway. I still enjoyed it.”

“But you bled a bit Levi I feel terrible –“

Levi opened his eyes and looked at his boyfriend, an unimpressed scowl on his face causing Erwin to pause his sentence. “Clearly not a lot ‘cos I didn’t even notice. God Erwin, stop saying sorry it’s my birthday and I’m fine and I wanted to.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. Now, let’s talk about something else and not disgusting.”

Erwin let out a sigh of relief as the pair laid in the water together, tirelessly chatting about unimportant things such as school gossip, exam result release date, the plans for later that day. Realising the time, Erwin and Levi descended from the bath tub, getting dressed quickly and just making it back into the living room for the pancake delivery.

Since it was Levi’s official birthday, Erwin had ordered all the toppers for the pancakes, just as they made on his own birthday; fruit, maple syrup, honey, chocolate sauce. They ate everything, including licking the bowels from the sauces that were left over at the end, before heading to the sofa realising how quickly time was running out.

“Now, it’s time for your presents from me.”

“Erwin you’ve seriously got too much.” Levi replied, eyeing up the table still packed with gifts wrapped up in brown paper with little bows. There was a ridiculous amount. _Trust Erwin to go crazy_ , Levi thought.

“Shush. Now, you can start opening. Any first is fine.” Erwin replied, already smiling.

Levi delicately opened the gifts laid on the table before him, and despite Erwin saying he could open any, he interrupted by pointing at the ones he wanted him to open and in what order. The first thing he opened was some more teas, but these ones were lose tea leaves which he’d never been able to afford before. They were in a dainty box decorated with Chinese art. Alongside this gift, the next thing he opened was a beautiful tea set. It was clearly hand painted, with ivy leaves wrapping round the tea cups in the deep green Levi loves so much.

He carried on, opening a new green jumper, a top he was eyeing up in the mall a few weeks ago, an assortment of DVDs. He opened a mason jar next, filled with small coloured paper wrapped into rolls, each containing a date night suggestion for the pair to use since they could never decide what to do or where to go.

Erwin had also bought Levi some new black boots, since he was moaning his were getting a little too scruffy – they were almost identical to his pair he had now, but a lot less battered. A small bag on the table was filled with 18 small things that were Levi’s favourites: favourite sweet, drink, CD, green pens, a small cuddly black cat.

“Okay now it’s down to your last two presents.”

“Erwin” Levi groaned, throwing his head back in annoyance. He felt it was too much; he’d bought him so many things.

“I said no moaning. This one first.” He handed Levi a very thin but wide box, and inside was a crisp, white cravat with E.S embroidered into one corner, and L.A into the other in a deep green. Levi picked up the silky material admiring it – he had commented how he wanted a cravat ages ago to wear with his suit for the prom at the end of the year, and for other dances since his old one is so tatty.

 “This is so good, Erwin.” Levi gasped, as Erwin took the material from Levi’s hand and pulled his collars down slightly, tying the piece of silk around Levi’s neck.

“It’s a good job I got you this.” Erwin joked upon seeing a few love bites around Levi’s neck, and Levi frowned at the comment completely aware of how prominent they seemed to become overnight.

“Open the last one!” Erwin announced next, handing Levi another small box. With unease, he opened the box revealing a thin, silver band. Inside the ring Erwin had got their initials engraved again, delicately in the small piece of metal. Levi looked at it for a few seconds, then a confused look back at Erwin, who laughed awkwardly to answer the confusion.

“It’s not an engagement ring, don’t worry.” He laughed. “It’s just a special thing to have for your 18th.”

Levi let out a sigh of relief, and then took the ring from the box and slid it perfectly onto his middle finger, the silver shining beautifully against his pale skin. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Erwin’s neck, kissing him gently on the lips whispering thank you numerous times, before Erwin slid a card into his hand for him to open.

“Don’t you dare give me anything else after this.” Levi frowned, not ungrateful at all, but he felt like it was too much – too many things for him. Levi had never felt he deserved things like this, but slowly Erwin was making him realise he was worth so much more than he had originally thought. Gradually he peeled back the envelope, revealing a card that said ‘for my boyfriend’ on the front.

 

_Dear Levi,_

_You’re the best person I’ve had enter my life. I’m so happy that I chose to share colours with you in elementary, ten years ago. I’m so grateful that you chose to spend your life with me and let me love you like I do._

_You make me so happy; you make my heart warm and it sings whenever I see you. I’m so proud to call you my boyfriend, and I never want to not have you around._

_I hope you have the most amazing birthday in the world. No one I could think of would deserve a more special day than you, so I hope to make it that way._

_I love you, so much Levi._

_Yours forever,_

_Erwin xxxxxxxx_

Levi read the card a few times over, his eyes getting glassier with each read. He couldn’t look up at Erwin yet, he kept his eyes attached on the words. The amount of love he’d felt so far on his birthday was too much, it was more than he’d felt in his entire life. Back at the start of high school, he never thought he’d end up like this: the boy he’d loved for years his, a group of true best friends, his mum completely better. Spending his 18th in an expensive lodge far away from his little town.

Noticing the silence, Erwin broke it. “Everything okay, Levi?” He asked, concern in his voice.

Levi shot his eyes to Erwin before letting out a loud sob, tears finally flowing down his face as he fell into his boyfriend and felt the strong arms wrap around him. Erwin was shocked; his face still a worry at the sight of seeing his boyfriend break down.

“Levi?”

“Shit.” He mumbled, sitting back up and wiping his eyes. “So fucking embarrassing.” But Erwin knew that he was just extremely happy: he knew Levi well enough to know what he meant when the words couldn’t be said.

At that Erwin just smiled, and used his thumb to wipe away the excess water that had smudged his cheeks, kissing Levi’s forehead as he did so. They both sat on the sofa cuddling and kissing for a long time after that, not letting go of each other until the alarm rang on Erwin’s phone.

Awkwardly separating from the others embrace, he pulled the phone from his back pocket to turn the alarm off. It was already two in the afternoon; they had to leave in thirty minutes.

“Crap, we better get packed Levi.” Erwin said, pulling himself out from under Levi and running to the bedroom to fold his clothes back away. Levi reluctantly did the same, putting everything neatly back into his bag including the gift bag of unopened Christmas presents for Erwin.

The couple worked together to get Levi’s presents put back into the large bags and suitcase, and Erwin left Levi to finish off whilst he ran to the parking lot to drive the car to the lodge so they could load it. They managed to get everything, including the cake from the lodge, in the back seats of the car and the boot just before they had to check out. Erwin ran inside to hand the keys in, thanking them for the lovely experience, and got straight back in the car to drive home.

Levi felt like he was still in a daze from how good his birthday was turning out so far. Usually it was just a normal day of Christmas festivities, his entire birthday forgotten about or left on par to the other holiday. Everyone this year was refusing to let Christmas be a thing until the 26th, and it was making him feel so warm.

“Thanks Erwin.” Levi said again, squeezing Erwin’s hand which was on the gear stick.

“Anything for you.” Erwin looked away from the road to smile at Levi quickly, before his concentration peaked again and his eyes not leaving what was laid out in front of him.

“And don’t you fucking dare tell anyone I cried.”

Erwin laughed at that, dimples on his cheeks showing. “I wouldn’t, don’t worry.”

Levi slowly nodded off for the rest of the drive to the services, where he decided to pick up a coffee instead of a hot chocolate knowing his mum would want to make a fuss of him when he got home and he definitely needed waking up. Erwin bought them both a sandwich which they ate quickly, before climbing back in the car and setting off again.

As promised, a quick phone call was made to Kuchel when they were twenty minutes away from home. Thankfully the roads were particularly clear since it was Christmas day, and they arrived home earlier than expected.

Erwin pulled up in front of the sweet shop, noticing the lights of Levi’s flat were all off and it appeared that no one was in.

“I thought your mother was in, Levi?” Erwin questioned. Levi shrugged.

“She might have gone to the diner, they always call her in last minute, especially on busy days like today.”

He threw his bag on his back, grabbing one of the large bags of gifts and wandered up the stairs. Erwin left his overnight back in the boot, and instead used all his body to carry up the other bag and suitcase filled with gifts and cake. Once Erwin had managed to climb up the stairs to the flat door, Levi unlocked it with the spare key and walked inside, lights all off.

Before doing anything, he gently placed the gifts on the kitchen counter and sofa, taking a bag at a time from Erwin, then proceeded to take his boots off, eventually shutting the door after checking nothing dropped out on the stairs on his way up them. The lights were turned on after that, in which Levi turned around to a chorus of “surprise!”

Kuchel was stood in front of the couple holding a cake with candles in it, and Mike, Nanaba, Hange, and Petra were all stood in the room smiling at Levi and Erwin.

“Shit you made me jump.” Levi grumbled, before smiling at everyone cheekily. Everyone grinned back genuinely. And with that, everyone began to sing happy birthday as loudly as they could, Petra filming the entire thing on her phone. Erwin slid his arm around Levi’s back, pulling him closer as he blew the candles out and made a birthday wish.

“What are you all doing here? It’s Christmas.” Levi asked.

“It’s also you’re 18th, and I’m pretty sure only one of them happens once in a life time.” Hange joked, smiling. They walked up to Levi and gave him a hug, before the seven of them went to sit in the living room; some on sofas, some on the floor. Kuchel managed to move some of the gifts out of the way to make room for everybody.

“Thanks everyone for your presents, they were pretty good.” Levi said, smiling at everyone. Kuchel had her camera out, taking as many photos of her son being so happy and content as she could.

“Did you two enjoy the cottage?” Nanaba asked next.

“Yes it was lovely,” Erwin began, “it was in a secluded forest, and we had a hot tub, a Jacuzzi bath. The bed was even four poster with curtains around it and the snow so deep it was up to Levi’s knees.”

“That’s not that deep.” Mike mumbled, chuckling, earning a very stern glare from the birthday boy.

“Anyway, and then yesterday we had a large Christmas dinner, followed by birthday cake and custard. Pancakes this morning after a lovely warm bubble bath, it was just perfect.”

As Erwin spoke, Levi could see Kuchel looking at him with suspicious eyes at the mentions of baths and beds, but he ignored her glances. At the end of the day, she always let them sleep in the same bed here, so what difference does it make when it was somewhere else?

“You get up to some fun then?” Mike winked, laughed, and then his face dropped upon remembering Levi’s mum was there. “Oh wow, I’m so sorry Miss Ackerman.”

She just laughed and wafted her hand in the same manner that Levi does, “no need to apologise Mike. Just don’t talk about that in front of me.” She laughed slightly, before heading to cut the cake up and bringing a slice back for everyone to enjoy.

After a few games of cluedo, and old party games like pass the parcel, the four friends had to leave to head home for family things. Levi and Kuchel both thanked them again for coming on Christmas, and for their lovely gifts, before the three left over headed to the living room and started to go through the gifts that Levi had got.

He showed her the ones from the Smiths first, then his friends, finishing with Erwin. She admired everything; the cards, the teas, the books, the vouchers and shirts. It was clear she too was shocked at the amount of things that Levi had received this year, and even more shocked when she finally noticed the glimmer of silver on Levi’s finger.

“And what’s this?” She said, lifting Levi’s hand into her own and admiring the piece of metal.

“Erwin got me it.” He said, smiling at the blonde man sat on the floor beside him. “Just as something to remember my 18th.”

She admired it for a bit longer, looking at it in detail. Kuchel knew too tell that a ring like that was not cheap, and would have cost a hell of a lot of money. She looked with concern at Erwin, who knew what she was thinking, but he returned the smile assuring her that it was okay to spend so much money on him. Gently placing Levi’s hand back in his own lap, she stood up and walked to get her gifts for her son and grabbed a small collection of cards too, addressed to Levi.

“Here’s your cards sweetie.” She said, handing them down. Levi opened them slowly, revealing cards from the old neighbour next door, a lady who worked with Kuchel, and one with a prison stamp in the top corner which he discarded immediately. Erwin’s heart felt like it was sinking to his feet upon seeing how few people actually either remembered or acknowledged Levi’s birthday, upon comparing it to the amount he received for his 18th.

“And these are for you, from me, darling.” She bent down and kissed Levi’s cheek, as he proceeded to go through the gift bag opening the present she’d given him.

Kuchel had chosen to go for things that Levi would most likely keep forever – memorabilia that would always remain special to him. She got him a picture frame, just like Erwin, with both himself and Erwin in it, and then another with her and him in it from when he was younger.

Next she got him a silver chain, with a very subtle locket at the end of it. Inside the locket he found pictures of two people: Farlan and Isabel. His heart started to swell at the sight, and similar to the morning, he had to fight back the tears from flowing out and chose not to speak about it.

Kuchel had also got him a lovely knew green scarf, a scrap book of lovely things including pictures and tickets of events the mother and son had gone to together when they were younger too. Flicking through all the pictures brought back so many fond memories, and once shut Levi held it close to his chest.

Finally a shoe box decorated in lovely paper was handed over, and inside it was loads of envelops of Kuchel’s writing. Each completely different – some had his name on and nothing more, numbered 1 to 18. There were other envelopes in there too, each with different phrases on the front such as “open when you’re feeling anxious.”

“I’ve written you a letter about your year ever since you were a baby, to give you on your eighteenth. And here we are! There are also some I wrote for you for when you’re feeling happy, or sad, just to help you cheer up. I know it’s not a lot, sorry I couldn’t put more money into your birthday.”

Levi didn’t speak, he just stood up and walked over to his mum giving her a huge hug and not letting go for a while, clearly hiding his snuffles in her top. She just returned the hug patiently, before handing him his card.

“Don’t forget this.” She whispered into his ear, and he pulled back wiping his face. He went to take his seat next to Erwin on the floor, crossing his legs and opening the envelope. Inside were two cards, so he pulled the smaller one out. It was an invitation.

_To Levi,_

_We hereby invite you to Mitras, where you have a luxury hotel with a spa, and a voucher for a meal at the 5 star restaurant, The Titans Arms. There are two invitations, so take someone special._

_Love Mum._

“Shit mum you shouldn’t have got that!” Levi said, excitement and annoyance in his voice. It was clearly why she was working so many extra shifts; why she was saving up as much as she could. “God, thank you so much.” He said. When he was a lot younger, Kuchel and Levi took a trip to Mitras together to the centre, where Levi was utterly amazed at the buildings and how everything was so fancy. They hadn’t been able to afford to eat there, and upon seeing the restaurant in the shape of a castle named The Titans Arms, Levi had promised himself that he’d go there one day. He told Isabel about the place, and she too wanted to go after hearing how amazing it looked.

Ever since Levi was a child, when he played with Farlan and Isabel, they used to pretend to live in a very large castle where they had to fight off tall, weird creatures with swords. Of course Kenny never bought them pretend swords to fight with, so they ended up using kitchen knives as they killed off these imaginary characters. It was one of the fondest memories he had with his two best friends.

“That’s okay, love. Don’t rush in going, the vouchers all last for a year so you’ll have plenty of time to go.”

Levi nodded, pulling the larger piece of paper from the envelope and opening it gently. He began to read the message she had written, Erwin’s arm wrapped tightly on his back subtly reading over his shoulder.

 

_Levi,_

_Happy birthday honey. I can’t believe that you’re already 18! It seems like just yesterday I was taking you home from hospital and wrapping you up in your little green blanket. I’m so proud of you, and so proud of the person you have become._

_You’re a ray of sunshine and I’m really glad you’re my son. I know life hasn’t been great for you, and to think you almost didn’t make it to this birthday, but I’m so proud of you and so glad that you did. My life would be so worthless without you in it._

_I love you to the moon and back, and will always be here for you no matter what life throws at you._

_Loves and kisses from your Mum xxxxxxxxxx_

When he finished reading, he shut the card and walked over to Kuchel giving her another kiss and cuddle before saying a huge thank you to her. He was still holding the pictures of Farlan and Isabel in his hand tightly, and then chose to hang it round his neck before checking the time.

Erwin was sat on the floor, rereading the card that Kuchel had got him. ‘And to think you almost didn’t make it’ played on his mind, his brows furrowed in confusion at the sentence, but he didn’t want to bring it up now, not when Levi was having such a lovely day. Instead, when he felt eyes on him, he shut the card and smiled up at his boyfriend.

“What time did you have to be home?”

“I said to mother I’d get back at seven.”

Levi tutted under his breath after looking towards the clock. “Great, because it’s almost nine.”

Erwin’s face dropped as he pulled the phone from his pocket, reading the four missed calls from Mrs Smith. “Crap.” He muttered.

“You can stay here tonight Erwin, not a problem. I’ll explain to your mother, I’ll say you slept or something.”

Hesitantly Erwin paused, thinking of how much trouble he might be in if he was to not wake up at his usual house on Boxing Day, and even more suspicious about how that must seem to the rest of his family who didn’t know about his relationship.  

“We’ll cover for you.” Levi chipped in, sitting on Erwin’s lap on the floor.

“Only if you’re both sure.”

“Of course. I’ll give your mum a ring now.” Kuchel stood up and walked into her bedroom taking the phone with her, ready to pass message onto the other family. Levi turned around and planted a kiss on his boyfriends’ lips.

“Thank you again for today Erwin.” Levi mumbled into the kiss. Erwin smiled and rubbed his hands up and down Levi’s back.

“I just hope I made it a special birthday.” Erwin muttered and Levi responded with a sharp nod.

Kuchel appeared in the room a second later, and Levi quickly climbed from Erwin and chose to flop onto the sofa instead. Erwin’s eyes looked up at Miss Ackerman to try and read whether his family were annoyed or not.

“All sorted, Erwin. As long as you’re home at eight tomorrow morning it’s fine for you to stop tonight.”

“Thank you, Miss Ackerman.”

“You don’t need to thank me, Erwin. By now I’d assume you know you’re always welcome here.” Kuchel smiled warmly at him, before turning and heading to the bathroom to get washed and ready for bed. As it’s the Christmas period she was working a full day boxing day, leaving Levi by himself.

Levi and Erwin too headed to bed, worn out from their busy night away. Levi was still feeling totally overwhelmed by the gifts of everyone, and everyone showing up despite it being a special day for everyone. In a daze, he climbed into bed in his pyjamas whilst Erwin quickly changed into his that he kept in a drawer at Levi’s house.

As soon as the taller boy climbed into the warm yet small bed, Levi huddled up to him and wrapped his arms around the large chest. Protectively, Erwin’s arms responded by squeezing as tightly to Levi as they could, trapping him in the warmth and contentment of his grasp. Only moments later the two managed to drift into a peaceful sleep, with Kuchel subtly peeking her head in about ten that night after a gentle knock, seeing them both fast asleep together. She smiled happily, proud that her son had a wonderful birthday.

Not long after, Kuchel too headed to bed leaving the small flat full of warmth and smiles. The best way to end a Christmas Day.

*****

Erwin’s alarm rang sharp and clear at seven the next morning much to the couple’s reluctance. Levi rolled from his boyfriend and tucked himself further into the covers when Erwin stood up, the warmth leaving with him.

Kuchel was already pottering about in the kitchen when Erwin left Levi’s room to get ready in the bathroom, making food to last Levi the day at home and some breakfast for Erwin to take on the trip home with him.

“Good morning Erwin, and Merry Christmas.” She smiled at him, knowing it was his turn to celebrate the festive holiday.

“Morning Miss Ackerman, and Merry Christmas to you too.” He smiled, before tucking into the bathroom and washing quickly, throwing a new top on with some trousers, and brushing his teeth and hair before heading back into Levi’s room where the latter was still snoozing peacefully.

“Levi I’ve got to get off.” Erwin whispered, gently nudging his lover in the bed. Levi rolled around, eyes slightly opening and peeking up at the blonde haired man.

“Okay.” He mumbled, barely getting the words out through his groggy morning throat. Erwin bent down and placed a soft kiss on Levi’s lips, before grabbing his bag and walking towards his bedroom door.

“Take your presents too.” Levi groaned, before shifting back onto his side and nodding off again. Erwin just nodded and smiled, picking up the gift bag that was at the foot of the bed, before thanking Miss Ackerman for the stay and walking to the door.

Climbing into the front of his car, Erwin smiled upon just thinking about what had happened the past two days. He’d never felt so in love before, never been to content with someone in his life. He’d also never felt so lucky to have Levi to himself, and even more so after what happened at the lodge.

The memory made his cheeks flush a gentle red as he turned the car on and set off driving home for Christmas, slowly and steadily. He was excited to be home to see his sister, and the rest of his family who were coming to join them on Boxing Day for their new Christmas.

As he pulled up onto the drive there were numerous cars also parked around the house, indicating that family must have stayed over the evening before to make it easier. Quickly rushing to grab his gift bag and overnight bag, Erwin rushed inside, unlocking the door quietly and dashing to his bedroom to get himself sorted for their traditional breakfast.

As he approached the kitchen, Mrs Smith was getting started on their roast so it’d be ready for mid-afternoon (it always took her a while to cook at Christmas since they had such a large, extended family) when she looked up from mixing stuffing, smiling at her son.

“Erwin darling! Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas mother.” He smiled, planting a kiss on her cheek and washing his hands, ready to help with the food preparations.

“How was your night away with Levi? Did he have a wonderful birthday?”

“It was amazing, mum.” Erwin began. “The lodge was beautiful, the food was amazing. I think he was a little overwhelmed by the amount of attention his birthday drew this year, since he’d never really celebrated on his birthday before. Everyone got him some lovely gifts.”

“I’m so glad. Poor kid, he deserves happiness like that.” Mrs Smith smiled. Erwin heard her say that so often these days, since the event that took place on his own birthday. “I’m so glad you’re there for him, Erwin. What did Kuchel get him?”

The pair continued in the kitchen all morning, joined later by Erwin’s grandmother and auntie, and finally a very tired sister who Erwin sat with and spent a lot of time catching up. They worked together to ensure that everything was prepared correctly for the traditional Smith meal. When a simple breakfast of poached eggs, avocado, and crispy toast was eaten, the whole family joined around the very large Christmas tree in the sitting room to share and open gifts.

The entire Smith family was there: Mrs Smith’s brother and his wife and two children, Mr Smith’s brothers and sister with their children, both sets of grandparents, Erwin’s older sister and partner, and a lot of family dogs. The day ran smoothly and happily as it always does, and there was no sign of annoyance that they weren’t celebrating on the twenty fifth. But a dull ache was in Erwin’s heart throughout the day as he thought of Levi alone at home, and the lack of cards and people outside their friendship group he truly knew.

Mrs Smith noticed Erwin’s mood deteriorate as the day went on despite his facade, and as it got late that evening after a film and a few board games, she collared him as he was walking back from the bathroom.

“Erwin honey is everything okay?”

“Yes of course mother, I’m just tired. A busy few days, that’s all.” He offered a smile, but it was clearly put on.

Reading through her sons lies, she looked him right up in the eye and could sense that it had something to do with Levi.

“Go, Erwin.”

“Sorry, what?”

“Go to Levi, its fine. You’ve spent Christmas here, and you’re growing up. I’m sure he needs you more right now, plus everyone will be heading off to bed soon anyway. I’ll just tell your father that you went to see Mike or something.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes of course I am. I’m guessing Kuchel has had to work today, I’m sure he doesn’t want to be alone on Boxing Day either. It’s only just five now, you’ll have plenty of time to keep him company.”

“Thank you so much mum.” Erwin said, the frown his face had held all day turning up to a smile, as he bent down and gave her a swift cuddle, rushing for the door and grabbing his car keys on the way out.

He got to Levi’s flat in less than ten minutes, excited to see him again. He’d spent so much time with him recently that even been apart for a day felt too much, especially after having such a romantic few days together.

Running up the stairs to the flat door, Erwin knocked a few times receiving no answer. Confused, he peeked through the windows where there was a small gap through the curtains and noticed that the lights were on in his bedroom and the bathroom. Quickly Erwin pulled the spare key from its hiding place and let himself into the flat.

“Levi, it’s only me.” He shouted loudly, so he would be able to hear it if he was listening to music or in the bath. Tentatively, the blonde haired man walked over to Levi’s bedroom, knocking again before opening the door slowly and quietly in case he was asleep still.

As the door opened, Levi appeared. He was sat on the edge of his bed, staring out of the window holding a piece of paper in his hands; something that looked like a birthday card. His head turned back to face Erwin, cheeks wet with tears and eyes red and puffy. Realising he had company, Levi wiped away the water on the back of his hands and sniffed deeply.

Erwin dropped his coat on the floor and joined Levi on the bed, sitting next to him and wrapping his arm around him. A small shoe box on the floor was opened, and it was clear that Levi was going through old things that he’d had stored away forever. Not wanting to press or put pressure on Levi, he didn’t ask anything, and the pair sat in silence for a long time before Levi handed the piece of paper over that he was holding.

It was a very child-like hand drawn card, with three stick men positioned on the front. They were stood in a park with trees surrounding them, and birds flying in the air in the traditional M shape kids are taught in school. A smiling sun was in the corner of the card, and a message along to top read ‘happy birthday big brother’. Erwin opened the card to find a message written from Isabel and Farlan, clearly from absolutely years ago.

Not knowing what to say, Erwin closed the card and placed it back in the box, before shutting the lid and putting the box gently in the cupboard that was open. Levi laid back on the bed and beckoned for Erwin to join him and hold him tightly, squeezing out the bad flash backs and memories he was having.

“They’ll have wanted you to have a lovely birthday, Levi. They wouldn’t have wanted you to be sad.” Erwin whispered into the soft dark locks. Levi nodded, pushing his face further into the others chest. Levi didn’t want to let him know that it was on his birthday that the fire happened: he didn’t want to burden anyone else with his baggage.

After more silence, Erwin decided it might be best to try and lift the room’s mood a little bit. “What did you do today then, Levi?”

“Hange came round this morning.”

“Oh, I bet that was lovely. What did you two do?”

“Just watched a film. They had to go after, though. Off to Petra’s for a party.”

Erwin nodded. He wished he could bring Levi to family gatherings as his boyfriend, not just a close friend. He knew that Mike and Nanaba too were celebrating the holidays at each other’s’ houses with families. Erwin let out a soft sigh. _One day soon, hopefully._

“Why you here? Isn’t it the big Smith day?” Levi asked, in a joking manner.

“Mother said I seemed forlorn and sent me here.”

“Bet your dad liked that.” Levi scoffed, turning to lay on his back and look up at the ceiling. Erwin just sighed.

“Well I for one think it’s a good thing I came round. I was worried about you being alone all day, and now it’s clear that I had reason to worry. Please Levi, just ask me to stay whenever you need me. I’m old enough to not need to be with my family all the time.”

Levi remained silent before nodding a quiet, “okay.” And the two proceeded to lay in Levi’s small bed until Kuchel got home, joining her in the kitchen where she gave them both a small gift box each as she did every Christmas, with novelty gifts and small tokens. Erwin returned the thanks and gave her some chocolate he’d picked up from the French bakery.

After a few more board games and a lot of non-alcoholic wine, everyone returned to bed. Levi and Erwin shared a few small kisses, but soon the raven haired man turned on his back hinting that he didn’t want to do anything else. Erwin just cuddled up to him, breathing in the soapy scent before falling into a deep sleep, dreaming of the memories surrounding the card.


	16. New Year's Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Year came around quickly after Christmas, and it was time for the group to celebrate together.

New Year crept around quickly after Christmas, as did the party at Petra’s house. Her mum was going away with her new boyfriend to celebrate the turn of the calendar, so the group of friends were invited round to hers for a small party. Considering the events at the previous group gathering, there was a no alcohol rule.

The six sat in the middle of Petra’s living room, sprawled out on the sofa and the floor. In the background, the TV was playing its usual program about the end of the year, but no one was paying attention. Instead, the friends were going round the room telling their favourite stories of the year, joking around and having fun before the countdown would begin.

It was the first year that Levi would enter with both a boyfriend, and a New Year kiss from someone who wasn’t a relative. It was also the entrance of the year that welcomed their end of school, and departure for college. It had been playing on everyone’s minds for a while now, but everyone ignored it and just tried to live in the now, not wanting to think about what might happen when people move all over the country.

Mike and Nanaba were laid on the sofa, talking about everything they got up to that year, elaborating on stories where they’d been up to things that you wouldn’t exactly say were innocent, making everyone else in the room cringe at the thought of it. Levi sat in silence, not wanting to talk about private matters: he hated discussing things like that.

Since his birthday and the mention of the lodge at his surprise party, everyone had bugged both Levi and Erwin about what they got up to at the lodge, just to tease them and also because everyone was extremely nosy about things like that. Each time Erwin managed to brush the question away, knowing the distaste Levi thought about discussing things like that.

Levi on the other hand would simply swear at people, telling them to fuck off and mind their own business, clearly showing that they’d done _things_ but wasn’t going to disclose what. He felt embarrassed about it, especially upon hearing all the things everyone he knew was getting up to.

Hange and Petra were beside each other in front of the fire, delicately holding hands and sharing a sparkling juice between them. When Hange came round on Boxing Day, they talked about how things between themselves and Petra had become slightly awkward since discussing universities they were planning on going to, and it was evident this evening.

Hange had always had the plan to go off to Mitras or travel further northern to Orvud: to one of the Red Brick universities that would help them further with their biochemistry degree they were wanting to do, whereas Petra wanted to stay home close to her mum and was only applying locally. Applications were sent off with the exams they sat; their results would create or deny an offer to a university. Levi was pretty sure that Hange was going to accept an offer from either of them colleges, should they receive the option.

Levi looked up from where he was sitting on the floor perched next to Erwin, and looked at Hange for a while, until they awkwardly caught his eye and shifted theirs downwards. He sighed.

“Hange. A word.” Levi said, standing up and passing his drink to Erwin.

Hange didn’t reply and instead still stared at the floor, eyes looking extremely glassy behind their glasses. Levi sighed louder, causing Mike to stop his story as Levi shouted for Hange again, this time looking up.

“Okay.” They mumbled, letting go of Petra’s hand and following Levi to the kitchen.

“Lighten the fuck up.” Levi said, once the door was shut.

“Sorry Levi, just. I’m just not sure what to do still.”

“Go with your gut. Do you want to do biochemistry at a top uni?”

Hange paused, “well yeah of course I do.”

“Well do that then.” Levi said, as though it was blindly obvious.

“What about Petra though? Levi I love her so much I don’t want to lose her.” Hange’s eyes began to water slightly, and Levi sighed even louder this time, but put a consolidating hand on their shoulder for a split second.

“Stay with her then.”

Hange looked up at this point, eyes meeting his. “But she’s staying here.”

“And?”

“And what if she gets bored and finds someone better than me? What if long distance doesn’t work?”

Levi scoffed. “Isn’t she worth the attempt?”

Hange paused again now, taking in Levi’s words, then face forming a smile as if they’d never even thought that was an option. They collapsed into Levi, giving him a hug and he returned the sentiment by patting their back before pushing off.

“See. Now lighten up its New Years, and fuck knows where we’ll all be next year.”

“Yes, Levi. Thank you.” Hange smiled again, wiping their eyes and collecting themselves before the friends returned to the living room. Upon doing so, Hange went straight to Petra and wrapped her in an extremely tight cuddle, sitting like that for the rest of the night.

“Everything okay?” Erwin whispered to Levi, and Levi just nodded and kissed Erwin’s cheek quickly.

“Did you apply to any schools, Levi?” Hange asked, looking at him.

“No.” Levi mumbled, taking a sip of his drink. He was fine to help his friends follow their dreams, but didn’t want to think about his own yet. It’s easy to tell someone to do long distance, but he didn’t want that with Erwin. He needed him by his side. His plan was going to be to wait until the real exams that counted, then apply wherever Erwin was going last minute, if he was smart enough to get in which was extremely unlikely considering how brainy his boyfriend is.

“What about you Erwin?” Petra asked after, softly smiling.

The blonde haired man looking worryingly at his boyfriend, who clearly didn’t notice, and then continued to reply. “I sent off a few applications to loads of places, but I’m not really sure what I want yet. I’ll just wait and see what offers I get back, I guess.”

“Oh, I thought you were dead set on studying History in Mitras?” Mike sparked up then, looking at him intently. Levi turned his head and glared at Erwin upon hearing this, a panic behind his eyes.

“I’m not sure yet, I need to think about it some more. I probably won’t even get in.” Erwin replied, finishing with a smile.

Levi leaned closer to his boyfriend and whispered, “have you applied to Mitras?” worry in his tone.

Erwin leaned back to him and replied, “of course not. It’s too far.” But Levi struggled to buy it, the thoughts pushed aside as Mike interrupted and carried on telling the room his plans.

“Me and Nan are going to move in together and stay local, going to college near home. Flats are cheaper round here, plus my dad said he’d help out with rent until we managed to find part time jobs.”

“That sounds great Mike.” Erwin chipped in.

“Yes I can’t wait now!” Nanaba said, smiling at Mike and kissing him. Everyone in the room smiled at them, apart from Levi who was now looking down at his glass, a face full of concentration as he started to think about the future. He quickly brushed the negative thoughts away though, as the TV started blaring out it was a minute til the countdown.

Everyone climbed up from their positions and stood around the TV in a line, holding hands. Hange then Petra, holding Levi’s hand. Levi held Erwin’s, Erwin held Nanaba’s, and Mike was secure at the other end. When it got to the 10 seconds, everyone began to count down together loudly, brushing the conversation of the future behind them ready to start fresh in the New Year.

As soon as the clock struck midnight, each couple turned to their partner and shared a very swift kiss, before turning to hug everyone and wish them a Happy New Year. Smiles and laughter filled the room, everyone seeming so content with their friendships.

Once the words and sentiments were shared, Levi walked out into the garden watching the rainbow of fireworks as he quickly rang Kuchel; it was the first time he’d spent away from her on a big holiday such as this, and promised to ring her as soon as it was midnight.

“Hi mum.”

“Levi, darling! Happy New Year sweetie!”

“Happy New Year.” Levi replied; Kuchel could hear his smile through the phone.

“Thank you for calling. I’ll let you get back to your party.”

“Thanks mum. I love you.”

“I love you sweetie, see you in a little bit. I’ll wait up for you.”

And with that the line rang dead. Levi let his arm fall by his side, and sat himself down on the cold step below him. The air was crisp and cool, but seemed oddly refreshing at the same time. The breeze flew through him, so he pulled the sleeves on his jumper down further and wrapped his arms tightly around himself.

The last year had been hard for Levi; and whilst there were so many good things, it was still a struggle. He thought back to the party, back to how Nile had treated him; the fact that he’d consumed alcohol for the first time, the way his anxiety and panic got worse. The fact that his boyfriends’ dad hated him, the hospital trip; shattered arms.

But then he started to think back to everything else. The way Mike had stood up for him, their new friendship with Nanaba, the fact he and Erwin had finally started seeing each other after his very long standing crush. The way that Erwin kissed him, held him; the lovely birthday he enjoyed just six days earlier. How Kuchel had welcomed Erwin still despite them being in a relationship; the help she gave towards his birthday, the meal vouchers.

Levi began to sniffle slightly, his eyes feeling watery and leaking down his rosy cheeks from the cold. He heard the back door open behind him, as footsteps proceeded down onto the patio behind where he was sat.

“Shit.” Levi whispered, wiping away his tears quickly, but not turning around to see who the figure behind him was. It was obvious anyway, he always knew when Erwin was beside him.

The tall blonde perched himself on the cold step and wrapped a gentle arm around the black haired man, tucking him under his shoulder and giving a gentle squeeze before relaxing. Erwin brought a blanket out with him, and wrapped it around both his and Levi’s shoulders, trapping the pair in the warmth. He kissed the side of Levi’s cheek, realising it was wet.

“Levi is everything okay?” Erwin asked, calmly.

“Yeah just, shit. Yeah I’m fine.” He said, wiping it one more time before looking up to Erwin and offering the kindest smile he had. Erwin returned it, before the pair took to looking out into the green garden, lit magically by the fireworks still going through the sky.

“I never thought I’d be welcoming this year in the arms with someone I love, especially someone I’ve loved most of my life.” Erwin commented.

“Me too.”

“Happy New Year, Levi.” Erwin turned, smiling again at his boyfriend, causing Levi to also look up into the deep blue eyes. “I love you.”

Before Levi could even reply, or think about the words Erwin spoke, their lips met and they shared a deep kiss: the real way a New Year kiss should be. They moved in unison, arms wrapping tightly round the other, kissing in the dark with just the lights from the sky shining down on them.

Secretly the four from inside were peeking out of the window at the pair in the garden, and Hange took a sneaky photo just because the image was so beautiful: just two dark figures on a step, huddled together, with the fireworks flashing behind.

After a few minutes, the four went outside to interrupt the pair and found themselves sitting beside them on the stairs just looking up to the multi-coloured sky, silently. Occasionally they’d all gasp at an extravagant flash, or a loud bang, but for the most part they remained in silence just enjoying and basking in each other’s company.

Once it reached one in the morning, it was time for everyone to part ways. They thanked Petra for letting them enjoy the party at her house, before Mike, Nanaba, and Levi climbed into Erwin’s car, ready to drive them all home.

By the time they pulled up outside Mike’s house, Nanaba was sound asleep on his shoulder and they had to gently nudge her to wake her up, and she sleepily wrapped her arms around her boyfriend as he carried her inside after thanking the blonde haired man for the lift.

Levi and Erwin continued to Levi’s flat in silence, just holding hands over the gear stick. Not long after, they parked the car and climbed out up the stairs to see Kuchel. The lights were all still on in the flat, and Levi could still subtly hear the TV playing in the living room. Kuchel had her friend over that evening to enjoy the celebration with, but she must have gone home now.

Slowly Levi unlocked the door, in case she was asleep, and let his boyfriend into the flat before shutting the door and locking it behind him. To his surprise, Kuchel was wide awake and smiling at the boys as they walked into the living room.

“Happy New Year, boys.” She said, standing up and wrapping her arm awkwardly around the two, before removing herself from Erwin and kissing her own son on his cheeks.

“Happy New Year, Miss Ackerman.” Erwin replied politely, sliding his boots off and standing them by the door.

“And for your resolution, Erwin Smith, I want you to start calling me Kuchel.”

He chuckled, “Okay, I can agree to that.”

She smiled, giving her son one last hug before heading back and turning the TV off. “I’m terribly sorry but I’m really tired and have a busy day at work tomorrow, I’m afraid I’m going to have to go to bed. But I’m glad I got to see you both.”

“Okay mum, love you.” Levi said, as she ruffled his hair.

“Love you too. I’ll see you both in the morning for New Year pancakes.” She smiled, before retreating to her bedroom and shutting the door behind her. Levi and Erwin both walked into the bathroom and got ready for bed themselves, before heading to the bedroom and climbing straight into the bed.

It was the perfect way to start the New Year, Levi thought: secure in his boyfriends’ arms, after spending an evening with people he trusted and called his friends. No Nile, no Marie to ruin it: just friends and no one else.

Once in bed, the boys both squeezed closely together, noses touching but eyes closed. They closed the seal, locking their lips together, before becoming more passionate: kisses deeper, stronger. Hands roaming the others body, taking clothes off before Levi reached in his side drawer for the items left over after the lodge trip, and they entered the New Year as close as they physically could: limbs entwined together, embracing each other, sharing each other.

Quietly they fell asleep in each other’s arms, a smile on Levi’s face for the first time of a fresh calendar since the parting of his friends: and there was nothing that could take that smile away from him.

Early the next morning a cool winter sun shone through the windows of Levi’s bedroom, causing Erwin to stir awake. He sat upwards in the bed to look out of the window at the frost bitten roofs of other shop roofs and flats around him. After giving Levi a further snuggle, he climbed up and walked over to put his pyjamas on before grabbing his phone and walking to the living room.

The flat was still silent; Kuchel still fast asleep in bed. Looking down at the time on his phone, he realised it was still only 5 in the morning. The blonde man flopped down heavily on the sofa and let out a soft sigh, before beginning to scroll through the messages he received last night from his family, and oddly enough one from Marie.

00:12 happy new year Erwin, hope this is a good one for you. Xxxxx

He sighed, replying the same to her quickly and then started to look through the cards from Levi’s birthday on the mantel piece again. He glanced over the ones from friends first, then the few that Kuchel had brought home with him. When reading the message from his mum, Erwin paused at the same line that had bothered him before, debating whether to question Levi on it or whether it would cause a rift between them in the New Year.

Just as he placed the card down, a sleepy Levi walked into the living room rubbing his eyes behind his glasses, which were at an odd angle due to his hand.

“Where did you go I was cold?” Levi grumbled, walking straight to the sofa and curling up, eyes shutting instantly.

“Sorry Levi, the light from outside woke me up.”

“Mmm.”

“How are you feeling today?” Erwin asked, sitting next to his boyfriend on the sofa and placing a soft hand on his side, rubbing it up and down automatically in a soothing way. Levi grumbled again.

“Sore.”

“I’ll start running you a hot bath. Would you like a cup of tea too?”

“Too loud. Mum asleep.” Levi grumbled into the sofa cushion, before Erwin stood up and walked straight to the bathroom and running the bath full of deep water and foamy bubbles. Once the temperature was okay, he walked straight back to a tired Levi and nudged him politely to go to the bathroom.

“Bath is ready now Levi, if you want to get in.”

“Yeah.”

The pair walked together to the room and locked the door behind them, Levi descending in the water first and Erwin soon after. They both soaked in the deep water for a while, not speaking but just absorbing the warmth. A few sighs of relief slipped from Levi’s mouth as the warmth soothed his aching skin.

Erwin was gentle with Levi the previous night; still worried about hurting him, since it was only their second time – the last thing he’d want to do is make him uncomfortable, and Erwin still needed reassurance from Levi the day following, which Levi had to give him throughout their bath, ensuring Erwin that it was okay.

When they were both happily clean and washed, the two climbed from the tub and checked the time again. It was only half six, so they went back to bed and wrapped each other under the covers, managing to softly drift back to sleep for a short while despite the sun through the window; Kuchel’s card still on Erwin’s mind.

The sweet aroma of home pancakes awoke them hours later as the clock approached ten in the morning; a much more sociable hour to be up and about on New Years’ Day. Kuchel was stood in the kitchen preparing toppings of chocolate sauces, strawberries, and whipped cream.

Erwin was the first to leave the bedroom, heading straight to the breakfast bar and sitting opposite his boyfriends’ mother. Minutes later Levi followed through, glasses perched on his nose and the ring Erwin got him shining on his finger still. The blonde man caught the sight of it and smiled warmly.

“Good morning you two. Sleep well?” She asked, not even turning to face them from the oven top.

“Yes thank you, Kuchel.” Erwin replied, glancing at Levi who was paying him no attention but was staring forward still in a sleepy daze.

Kuchel however did not say anything, but instead just placed a stack on pancakes on the table in front of them, of which everyone dug in. Kuchel passed Levi his pills to take with his food, before proceeding to sit with them and eat in silence.

“Did you take a bath earlier, Levi?” Kuchel asked.

“Oh. Yeah.”

“How come? It was extremely early. Was everything okay?”

Levi gulped, thinking back to why they had shared a bath that morning, and then to the night before, and then his face turned slightly pink. “Yeah just woke up cold, needed to warm quickly.”

“I see.” Kuchel replied. Levi knew she wasn’t buying it, and the second Erwin left the room after eating to get washed up and dressed, Kuchel looked up from the table and stared right at her son.

“I emptied the bin in the bathroom this morning and found this.” She put an opened condom wrapper on the kitchen breakfast bar. “Not when I’m in, Levi.”

His cheeks went pink as he looked down at the thin piece of plastic on the counter, he didn’t even remember it getting to the bin but Erwin must have done it when he ran the bath earlier that morning. “Shitting hell mum, no need to waft it everywhere.” Levi said, angry and embarrassed.

“No need to do it when your mother is sleeping next door.”

“Where else do you expect us to do it? In the sweet shop? In the car? In the fucking street?”

“Levi you know what I mean.” Kuchel sighed. “I know you’re going to do things like that, just have some respect. You two are always alone in the house.”

“It was New Years! Can’t you just let me be happy for once?!” Levi stood up from the table, angry. He knew he was overreacting, but he felt humiliated with the packet just staring up at him. He reached onto the table and grabbed it, shoving it aggressively into his pocket. “I just won’t be a fucking normal teenager then! I’ll never be a fucking normal teen!”

Levi stormed away into his room, slamming the door loudly and sitting on his bed, arms crossed and legs entangled looking out of the window. Erwin was in the bathroom still, clearly he’d heard everything since neither Ackerman kept their voice down. He decided to wait it out, cower away until Kuchel had gone into her room, each step a breathy and annoyed sigh escaping her mouth.

Erwin walked round to Levi’s room, closed the door gently, and looked down at the raven haired boy sat calmly on the bed despite his previous outburst.

“Everything okay Levi?”

“We’re not allowed to have sex anymore.”

“Levi that’s not true, just not when your mum is in.”

Levi scoffed, still clearly annoyed at how the day was panning out. “Fucking typical. First New Year I’m actually, for once, happy. And obviously I’m not allowed to be.”

Erwin sighed, sitting down beside his boyfriend on the bed and placing a hand at the bottom of his back. “Levi that’s not true, your mum always wants you to be happy. She’s simply looking out for you, I suppose.”

“Well I’m not a kid, I can look after myself.”

“I know Levi. Least she found out that way though, than something worse like her mentioning noise or walking in on us. That would have been awful.” Levi chucked under his breath at that one, just the thought of it making his skin crawl.

“I think you should go talk to your mum, after a bit. Calm down and then just apologise, and she’ll be fine with it.”

“Why are you always fucking right, Smith?” Levi grumbled, before laying down for a while just looking at the ceiling. Erwin joined him laughing at the comment, not even denying that he wasn’t always right. After Levi composed his anger and calmed down, he walked into Kuchel’s bedroom where she was sat holding a picture of Levi in a frame from when he was younger.

“Sorry mum.” Levi said, walking in and sitting beside her on the bed.

“I just want to protect you Levi: you’re mine, you’re my only family. I’ve almost lost you once before, I just-“

“Yeah but I’m here now, and plus you were just annoyed that you were in the house.”

“No Levi that’s not it, I just don’t want you to get hurt. I just want you to be safe.”

“And I will be, god mum this is Erwin Smith we’re talking about.”

She smiled softly at him at that, “very true.” Kuchel placed a soft kiss on Levi’s head, clearly suggesting that they’d made up. Kuchel was fully aware of how people fall in and out of love when they’re young, and Levi just had been through so much in such a short space of time, she just didn’t want him to suffer more when she could have done something to protect him.

“And sorry about, you know…” Levi began, cutting himself off at the mention of it: feeling awkward to announce something like that to his own mum. Kuchel just smiled at him.

“It’s okay, Levi. I was young too once believe it or not. Plus, least you’re both being safe about it.”

“God mum.” Levi groaned, standing up and walking out of the room back to Erwin, still sat patiently on Levi’s bed waiting for him to come and consent that the air was clear and Erwin was safe to come out.

“Well that was fucking awkward.” Levi mumbled, flopping backwards on the bed.

“I’m sorry Levi, this was my fault. I just put the rubbish in the bin, I didn’t think your mother would see it.”

“Yeah well whatever its fine, done now. Worse things could have happened.”

Erwin chuckled slightly and pulled Levi in for a gentle hug on the bed. The pair ended up entering their positions they were in prior, in a tight cuddle laid down lengthways. Erwin kept his arm tightly around his boyfriend, and neither spoke: they just took each other in as much as they could.

The last few days had been extremely tiring for the pair: with all the parties, events, nights away: so much had changed in a short space of time, the two just needed time to flop and relax before they were heading back to school in a few days. And in them few days, it’s when they were to find out their results from the exams before Christmas, showing if they’d be accepted into their universities or colleges they applied for.

Erwin breathed in deeply, thinking over the last few days. The thought of what Kuchel had written in his card still on his mind: he wasn’t sure if it was because she almost lost him in the fire, or because she almost lost him when she was ill, or for something else. But it concerned him, and Erwin really needed to know.

“Levi, can I ask you something?”

Levi grunted a hum in response, allowing the question to be asked.

“You know in your mothers’ birthday card?”

“Yeah what about it?”

“What did she mean by that she almost lost you before?”

Levi remained completely silent laid next to his large boyfriend: he closed his eyes and took in a very deep breath; on the silence, Erwin turned his crystal blue eyes to look at his boyfriend, who in return was simply looking at the ceiling.

“We’ll talk about it another time? Already enough drama for New Year Day.”

Erwin nodded politely in agreement, “that’s fine, Levi.”

Eventually the couple decided it would be best to get up and went to sit with Kuchel in the living area, all awkwardness melted. They put on basic TV programs, ate some nibbles that Kuchel had gotten for New Year Day so they could relax, watch films, and eat sweets.

When it approached late afternoon, Erwin announced it would be best if he headed home since he hadn’t seen his own family yet on the turn of the calendar. Everyone got up to say their goodbye’s to him, as he gathered his belongings and wandered down the stairs to his car, putting everything neatly away and speeding off home.

Levi and Kuchel returned back to their flat, and sat together on the sofa for the rest of the day, giggling at TV programs and chatting about life in general; how things at school were, how Levi’s friends were. They talked about memories from when Levi was a child, and how he’d changed so much.

It was so pleasant for the two to actually spend some alone time together where neither was tired, angry, nor waiting to go to school or work. By the end of the night they were left sat together watching a cheesy film Levi loved when he was a kid, cuddling on the sofa. The raven haired boy nodded off on his mothers’ shoulder, whilst she stroked his hair gently and took his glasses from his face.

When it got too late, Kuchel helped Levi to bed and tucked him up like he was still a child, planting a loving kiss on his forehead. As soon as his small head hit the pillow he fell asleep. Kuchel too returned to her room, and drifted off peacefully not long after, a warmth in her heart at how content her son finally seemed. The Ackerman’s both appeared to be smiling in their sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much again for all the reads and kudos and everything. It's making my heart warm, and I'm eternally grateful <3


	17. Results and Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Results are given from the exams before Christmas, but some find the outcome a lot harder than others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you again, so, so much for spending your time reading my fanfic and for all the kudos you are all leaving me! I'm so overwhelmed that people actually are giving their time up to read something I have written, so thank you an absolute million to you all. I can't even express my gratitude towards you all ;-;

Everyone was perched on the tables and seats in their little friendship groups on the first registration back at school. Marie and Nile together, Mike and Nanaba joined Hange and Petra. Levi and Erwin walked in soon after, going directly to their four friends not passing any kind words to the couple that had caused Levi so much distress.

“How you all doing?” Erwin asked as he pulled up a seat next to Mike. Levi perched on the table too, sat beside Hange.

“Good thanks! You two alright?” Mike replied.

“Yeah thank you Mike. I’m a bit nervous for the results today, what time are we meant to be getting them?”

“God Smith you’re the last person that needs to be nervous – you’ve worked so hard for them, you’ll easily pass.”

“That’s very true, I totally agree with Mike. What colleges did you end up applying to in the end?” Nanaba asked, joining in the conversation with her boyfriend.

“Oh,” Erwin began, realising he hadn’t even spoken with Levi yet about the distance of schools, and his plans for post-graduation, “just a few different ones.”

Erwin could feel Levi’s quizzing eyes on him from the table, which were immediately drawn away as their teacher walked into the room carrying envelopes. Everyone fell silent and looked to the front, waiting eagerly for their results. A small butterfly had blossomed in Levi’s stomach, despite not being bothered about anything after this year. He was more nervous about what his boyfriend got, and his boyfriends’ plans for the future.

“Good morning class. Here I have your results, so I’ll come pass the envelopes round now. Should you have any questions, or need any advice at all regarding your outcomes just let me know. Just remember these aren’t your official grades for this year, they’re just so the universities can confirm you an offer or not.” They smiled to the class, before handing the envelopes round to the students.

Levi took his obediently, before looking over his friends in the group around him. Mike was the first to open his.

“What did you get, Mike?” Petra asked, a nervous smile.

“I got four A’s, 3 B’s, and 1 C. I’ve been confirmed for our local college. Nanaba, have you got in too?!”

Nanaba tentatively peeled the letter open, before pulling the form out a huge smile taking over her face. “6 A’s, 2 C’s. I’m in too!” She threw her arms around her boyfriend, squeezing him tightly as they too giggled. Everyone in ear shot congratulated them, a small clap proceeded.

“Our turn, Hange.” Petra said, giving her partner a soft squeeze on the hand. Both opened their results at the same time, eager to see what they got. Hange remained very quiet, and Levi tried to peer over the top of the letter but they were holding it so close to their eyes he couldn’t quite see.

“Hange?” Petra whispered, softly.

“I did it! 8 A*s! Unconditional offers from both Orvud and Mitras!” They squealed loudly, causing the teacher to walk over and join in the conversation.

“What was that, Hange?” The teacher asked, and Hange showed them the form. Immediately, a round of ‘well done’ and ‘that’s amazing!’ ensued, and Hange just beamed around at everyone, super proud of their accomplishments. Levi too felt so proud and happy for his best friend, yet still his heart was already sinking. That was the first of his friends who would be moving away in just a few months.

“Petra? What did you get?” Nanaba asked. Petra smiled down at her form, before looking back up to recite the results. After hearing, the teacher walked over to Nile who seemed to be pretty pissed at his.

“I got 4 A’s, the rest B’s.” Petra began, “I’ve got into the local college too.” A sad smile looked at her partner, and Hange just hugged instead and whispered quietly, something that Levi seemed to be able to lip read as ‘we’ll make it worse’.

Petra wiped a lose tear from her cheek, before turning it into a smile proud of the actual results she had managed to get.

After that, all eyes turned at the couple that was left: Levi and Erwin. The former looked down at his boyfriend who hadn’t spoken or taken his eyes off the sheet for a long time; it had turned out he’d already opened it and was rereading it numerous times. Levi glared – trying not to show a hint of any emotion.

“What did you get, Erwin?” Mike asked beside him.

“I did it. I got 7 A*’s and then just one A in Maths.” Erwin practically whispered out, very breathy. Mike instantly peeked over the form that Erwin was holding anxiously; Levi was staring at him, waiting to hear if he had applied for a college yet. Mike was happy to clarify that for the smaller boy.

“Shit Erwin you got into Mitras for History?! An unconditional offer too?! That’s so good!” Mike embraced his best friend in a tight squeeze quickly. Levi didn’t take his eyes off his boyfriend, waiting for some kind of reply or explanation as to why he’d applied for Mitras.

“Erwin that’s amazing! That’s what you wanted to do, isn’t it?!” Nanaba called out from beside him.

“Yeah Erwin you’ve been aiming for that since the start of this year, and you finally got it!” Petra called back.

Levi’s heart literally fell to his feet: all his friends had known about Erwin’s college plans; they’d all known he’d wanted to go to Mitras, but Erwin hadn’t told him? He remained speechless, sat on the desk at school. He wanted to congratulate his boyfriend, tell him how proud he was after he worked so hard. But his mouth was heavy and dry, he couldn’t speak. Instead his eyes rested harshly on the blonde.

Erwin knew full well that Levi hadn’t known about his university plans, and he knew that Levi was now staring at him, but the taller man couldn’t lift his eyes or even look forward. He kept staring down at the mangle of letters on the page before him, trying to take in the news he’d just been told. He had literally got his degree handed to him, no worry about results of the summer exams, no worry about how his coursework would pan out – he’d literally been accepted, before the real exams that counted start.

Levi’s breathing began to hitch up at the thought of Erwin moving so far away after he’d relied on him since he was eight. If Hange left, and Erwin left. Mike and Nanaba would no doubt settle in together and hardly see anyone, Petra would make loads of new friends at her school, leaving Levi who hadn’t even applied for a college or university by himself: alone. Levi drew his eyes away from his boyfriend coming to the realisation of what was unfolding before him.

Quickly the small boy pushed himself from the desk, ripping his envelope harshly in two and got out of the room that was beginning to feel locked and closed as speedily as he could. He could hear his name been called out by his friends, and heard the teacher even proceeded after him, but he couldn’t do it: he couldn’t see everyone. He knew that Erwin too had got up and was following him down the corridor, but Levi simply picked up his pace and began to run as far away from the scene as possible.

After contemplation of the best thing to do, Levi walked from the school straight to his mums’ diner where he knew she’d be working today. The walk was far away from their school, at least forty minutes, and he didn’t know if he’d be able to hold the panic back for that long but he tried. All he could think about was how his boyfriend was abandoning him, just like he had with Marie: but the difference this time was that he’d not see Erwin daily, he’d simply see him occasionally if there was a holiday or a reason for him to be back in their town.

The closer he got, the more emotions he felt. He’d been through this before, he’d tried to end it all before. But he promised Kuchel that if the feelings ever came back he’d go straight to her, so that was what he was doing. Going straight to his mum who could help him calm down. She’d know the best thing for him to do.

When it got worse and the thoughts couldn’t be pushed aside as easily, he picked up his pace and ran the rest of the way to his mum, slamming the door open and instantly collapsing on a heap on the floor as soon as he saw her. His knees harshly hit the cold floors of the diner as his small body fell forwards kneeling down, head lolling on his chest.

Without hesitation, she rushed over, as did two of the other waitresses and helped carry Levi’s frail form round the back of the shop to a small table located next to the kitchen entrance. It was like the first year of high school; he felt the same emptiness, the same feeling that he wasn’t wanted or needed by anyone.

Levi began then: he began wailing so loudly, breathing so heavily. Harsh tears flooded his flushed face as he curled himself as tightly into a ball as he could trying to block everything out, practically disappearing in the plastic pink seats, leaning against the wall. He wasn’t even thinking about the germs, about how mucky the wall was: he was thinking about Erwin, and the fact he wouldn’t have him every day anymore, or possibly ever again.

Thankfully, the diner was extremely quiet – there was only one other customer who was sat at the bar, who politely got up and left as soon as he heard the commotion. One of the ladies who worked there locked the door, and all staff surrounded Levi, stroking him gently or grabbing him tissues, glasses of water: anything they thought might help. The chef anxiously stood at the entrance to the kitchen, looking over both Levi and Kuchel with a worried expression. He’d known about her problematic son and the troubles he’d faced throughout the eighteen years he’d been alive.

“Shh, Levi. It’ll be okay.” Kuchel repeated into his soft hair, but everything caused him to scream out the tears. She held his body close to her and rocked him back and forth gently, soothing.

“What’s happened Levi?” She asked, softly, assuming Levi wouldn’t answer: but he did.

“Erwin’s fucking moving to Mitras! Hange is moving! And Mike and Nanaba! Everyone’s leaving me again!” He shouted out, trying to get his words through the tears but they barely came through. The diner staff all exchanged saddened expressions at the words Levi was crying out: they’d never really seen anyone this worked up, in this much of a state before. They’d heard about it from Kuchel due to the times she’d leave early to protect her son, but never seen him so distraught in person.

“Levi sweetheart, they won’t leave you. They’ll come back and visit all the time.”

Levi shook his head aggressively. He knew they wouldn’t come back to him, he knew they’d settle down and create a new life for themselves. Who wouldn’t at university? Every single one of his friends were so welcoming and sociable, it was just him who seemed the recluse.

“No one fucking wants me! I might as well just fucking die!” Levi shouted out. Kuchel looked towards her friend and motioned for them to call the hospital: she’d seen this before, she knew she couldn’t leave him alone. Not after last time. His tears hadn’t been so strong for a long time, in fact she even believed he was slowly getting better but clearly he was still struggling.

“Levi darling, they want you. I want you. Erwin wants you, in fact he _needs_ you sweetheart.”

“I fucking hate it, mum.” Levi cried, turning his head and tucking it under her chin. She continued the gentle stroking motion, patting down the ruffled black hair and holding him tightly in her arms. “I didn’t apply for anything and everyone’s gonna go and I’ll be left here like the thick shit I am. Erwin will definitely find someone new. What’s the point in me being here?” Levi hiccupped out, in between cries and wiping his tears on a napkin.

Kuchel tried not to sigh in annoyance at the fact he didn’t apply for anything, and instead just focused her attention on her son. She’d not heard him announce that he wanted to end his life since his attempt to and shortly after that too. He’d never expressed he’d felt like that since, and her heart ached at the thought that her baby was so unhappy that he didn’t want to live anymore.

“Levi there’s every point in you being here. You’re my life, honey. You’re the reason I wake up on a morning, the reason I smile.” Kuchel whispered, stroking him. Slowly Levi’s crying began to calm down but the colour was drained from his face. The small hands wrapped around his knees were shaking and white; he was physically and emotionally drained.

Seconds later the ambulance pulled up outside the diner and the nurses knocked on the door. A lady who worked there opened it up and walked them over to the small, frail boy who was in the corner rocking back and forth slowly, his mother comforting him.

“Levi Ackerman?” the nurse asked, his name badge read Eren.

Kuchel quickly stood up and turned to face the young nurse, shaking his hand. “Hello sir, I’m Kuchel Ackerman, Levi’s mother. Can I have a word, quietly?”

“Yes of course.” Eren gestured his arm and hand out, suggesting her to follow to another booth. Of course, Kuchel obliged and she sat beside the nurse ready to tell them about Levi.

“He’s not done anything, but I’m concerned about his suicidal thoughts. He’d attempted once before, and…” Kuchel broke off, tears straining her voice. Inhaling deeply, she quickly composed herself for her sons’ sake. Before continuing, Eren interrupted not needing to know anymore from the situation.

“We will take care of him, Miss Ackerman. If you want to follow me and we’ll get Levi into the ambulance, and take him straight to the doctor at the hospital who will be able to check him over and get a therapist for him to talk to. I’d recommend leaving him in hospitals care for a few days, he seems pretty worn out.”

Kuchel nodded politely, and stood up beside the nurse as she tucked her arm around Levi and walked him slowly to the back of the van. He climbed in, and laid down on the bed in the centre curling up in himself. Kuchel sat beside him, as Eren and another lady climbed into the front and set off to the hospital. The diner staff stood around the entrance and waved them away kindly, before returning back inside and continuing with their day.

*****

“Levi wait!” Erwin shouted, but his boyfriend had already gone: he was far out of reach, and probably wouldn’t have wanted to see Levi either considering the circumstances. Erwin stood in the corridor, staring into the emptiness as Mike joined beside him.

“He alright?” Mike asked, genuinely concerned. Erwin pinched the top of his nose before exhaling deeply.

“I didn’t tell him about Mitras. I didn’t tell him I’d be moving so far away.”

“I see, how come Erwin?” Mike asked, turning the pair towards the classroom but walking slowly.

“Because I was worried he’d act like this. He’s been through so much, I couldn’t bear to think he’d think I’m abandoning him.”

“He’ll come around, Erwin. He probably just needs a breather, it’s been a lot to take in recently, you’re possibly best to give him some space.” Mike said, holding the door open to their class and walking to his desk at the back. Erwin nodded and walked back to his table, taking a seat and rereading the confirmation of his place at university.

But Erwin was finding it hard to be excited or proud – his mind was constantly on Levi, the sight of his worried face, the image of his small body hurtling down the corridor. Then his mind flashed back to the panic attacks he’d helped Levi get through, the stories he’d told of his childhood: Farlan, Isabel. Erwin’s big heart filled with sadness.

“You got into Mitras too, Erwin?” A female voice asked, as a very bonny girl approached his desk and leaned over the front of it. Marie.

“Ah yes, Marie. I’m assuming you did also?” Erwin asked. She nodded enthusiastically before leaning towards the blonde.

“I did, but mister grumpy pants over there didn’t do much work and didn’t get an offer. He’s only got them from smaller colleges, his dad is going to be so pissed.” Marie gestured her head towards Nile, who was currently running his hands through his hair and looking incredibly stressed. Erwin subtly smiled at the thought that Nile didn’t get into a top university.

“Hey Erwin, we should go for a drink sometime before summer. Make plans for college together.” Marie beamed at her ex-boyfriend, who simply nodded in agreement, trying to avoid awkward situations.

“Sounds good Marie. If you’d please excuse me.” He said, standing up and walking towards the back of the classroom to a very worried looking Petra and Hange, who clearly were concerned about Levi.

“How is Levi?” Petra asked the second Erwin approached the pair. He sat down between them, his back against the wall as he rubbed his eyes trying to discard the worried tears that kept prickling up.

“No idea.”

“Do you want to go and grab a coffee or something, Erwin?” Hange asked, and he nodded in agreement. Their teacher permitted it, since it was just the welcome back day and not a day of proper lessons. She was busy trying to get hold of reception to give Kuchel a call anyway.

The three friends walked to the canteen in the school in silence, grabbing a drink each and huddling around one of the small tables close together. There were a million unanswered questions for everyone at the moment, and no one really understood where to begin in questioning or asking them.

It was Erwin who decided to break the silence.

“I didn’t tell Levi about Mitras.” Two confused pairs of eyes glanced up as Erwin stared down into his coffee, as though it was the most fascinating thing in the world. “I didn’t want him to react like this, I thought keeping it a secret was the best thing. I never thought I’d get in. God I don’t want to leave him, either. I love him. I don’t really know what to do.”

Petra stretched her hand across the table and gave Erwin’s a loving squeeze, before turning and looking at her partner who still had a very concerned expression on their face.

“Levi’s tough. He’ll be okay. I’m guessing he’s just gone home.” Hange said, in a troubled tone as though they were simply trying to reassure, but were very uncertain to Levi’s whereabouts.

“Can we please go then? To Levi? I need to explain.” Erwin said, and everyone just nodded. After their lukewarm coffees were finished, the three proceeded to walk to Erwin’s car which was parked in the student lot. He turned on the ignition, and drove slowly to Levi’s flat, unsure of what to say once he got there.

The car still remained in silence as they drove, everyone’s thoughts on the future. Petra was worried about her relationship, as was Hange. Erwin was worried that his relationship had already ended thanks to his selfish actions. The only people they didn’t really need to worry about were Mike and Nanaba, who seemed pretty content and settled with the outcome of the morning.

The large car pulled in front of the sweet shop, and everyone climbed out and walked up the stairs to Levi’s apartment. Erwin peeked in through the window on the way up and noticed that there weren’t any lights on, and all doors were wide open as Levi left them whenever he went out, clearly showing he wasn’t in. Just to be sure, he knocked upon the door but there was no response.

Hange and Petra stood awkwardly on the stairs, just watching Erwin as he pulled his phone from his blazer pocket and dialled Kuchel’s phone number.

After two rings, she picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Kuchel, it’s Erwin.”

A pause. “Erwin, are you okay?”

“Yes of course. Are you with Levi? He left school in a bit of a rush and we can’t find him at home, I assumed he’d be with you.”

“Erwin honey we’re at the hospital.”

Erwin’s face dropped, looking extremely glum. Very worried looks were passed between the couple on the stairs at seeing their friends’ response to the phone call.

“Can we come?” Erwin asked, anxiousness in his voice.

“Of course darling. Levi is fine, he’s not tried or done anything, but it was a safety precaution. Come over whenever you want, I’m going to have to hang up and just talk to the doctor but I’ll see you when you arrive.”

The phone line went dead as Erwin dropped his arm lazily, letting it hang down and hit his side on the way. Petra and Hange looked extremely panicked, but when Erwin told them to go back to the car and he’d explain, they did what he said.

The car set off and Erwin began to drive quickly, thoughts flowing through his head at what Kuchel had meant: the words from her card to her son, Levi’s distance from the times he’d known him. He’d never known his boyfriend go to hospital before for any reason, other than the odd jab if he needed one.

As briefly as he could, Erwin explained to his friends what Kuchel had said on the phone to them, and they replied with ‘oh no’s and gentle words, trying to sooth the blonde driver who was getting quite fidgety.

About ten minutes later, the car parked up neatly in the car park and the three friends rushed inside to the front desk asking for Levi Ackerman. A very pretty, blonde haired lady led them to where they needed to be: he was in a private room in the young adult section of the mental health ward.

With trepidation, Erwin knocked on the door quietly. Kuchel appeared moments later, not obviously upset or distressed which could only be a good sign.

“Ah, Erwin. Hange, Petra.” She said, smiling at the three of them and pulling each into a soft hug, before leading them into the room where the raven haired man laid asleep in the centre of the bed. He looked worn out, small, weak laid there. Erwin felt wobbly at the sight of his boyfriend, and went to sit next to Kuchel.

“What’s happened?” Petra asked, worriedly. She and Hange sat down on the bench at the other side of the bed, eyes all on Kuchel waiting for an explanation.

“I just don’t think he’s ready for the future.” Kuchel said, calmly. “He got slightly anxious at the thought of you all going off to university, and him been forgotten about back here.”

“We couldn’t never forget our little Levi! I love that boy more than anyone I know!” Hange exclaimed, repulsed at the suggestion that they could ever forget their best friend. Kuchel smiled at Hange’s kind words, before her gaze dropped back on her son.

“It’s hard for him to see that. He was like this in first year too, felt distant from everyone like he had no one even though he did.”

“What happened in first year? What do you mean?” Erwin asked, brows furrowed as he reached his hand out and took Levi’s in in softly, massaging the back of the smaller boys hand with his thumb.

“Didn’t you know? I thought Levi might have said something, or that someone might have guessed.” Kuchel replied, looking slightly confused.

“No, we know nothing, Miss Ackerman.” Petra chipped in, too wanting to know about what Kuchel meant had happened in first year. He was close to them all then, and they failed to see he was being left behind.

“It wasn’t anyone’s fault in particular, I think just a lot of things added up. Like Hange, you joined a few clubs so he saw you less. And Petra you too made new friends. Erwin got a new girlfriend, Marie, and since Levi was always joined at the hip with him, it came as a bit of a shock when suddenly someone else was to be joined at his hip.

One day he phoned me from the bathtub after drinking an entire bottle of medication, apologising. I rushed home quickly and he’d already passed out. Thankfully the hospital was able to pump his stomach and brought him back around. It’s why I worried so much today when he was saying how he felt, I couldn’t go through that. Not again.”

Kuchel wiped her eyes gently with a tissue as Erwin gave her a soft hug. Petra too stood up and walked over to Levi’s mum, pulling her into a squeeze. Hange piled on top last, and the four remained hugging for a few moments as tears were spilled at the thought of a small, young Levi trying to take his own life.

Eventually, everyone returned back to their seats in silence as they waited for Levi to awaken from his much needed rest. Erwin’s eyes were leaking quietly as the realisation hit him of what the cards meant: of what he’d put Levi through by keeping secrets from him. Kuchel sensed this and simply offered her support, holding Erwin’s hand and whispering that it wasn’t this fault at all.

Levi managed to wake up later that day to his friends surrounding the bed. Mike and Nanaba came straight to the hospital once school was finished after Petra texted to say what was going on, and they brought flowers and chocolates for their best friend.

“Levi! You’re awake!” Petra squealed as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, before moving so Hange too could do the exact same action as their girlfriend.

“Shit, calm down.” Levi grumbled. “What you all doing here?”

“We were worried about you, buddy.” Mike said, ruffling Levi’s hair as he ducked away from the touch, but unfortunately couldn’t avoid the man’s large arms and hands.

“I’m fine.” He said, looking up at his mum who just smiled warmly at him. “Just my brain fucking everything up again.”

“Levi Ackerman, that is the last time I will hear you use that word in front of me.” Kuchel joked, and he just sneered at her in a mocking way before directing his gaze to Erwin who was still holding his hand.

“Hello, Levi.” Erwin said, tone low and quiet, so much so that it was almost a whisper.

“I think we’ll leave the two of you to talk whilst we go grab a coffee.” Kuchel said, as she stood up and gestured for everyone else in the room to walk out and headed to the canteen.

“Levi I’m so sorry.”

“Why didn’t you tell me, Erwin? I trust you with my life so why can’t you trust me back?” Levi asked, hurt in his voice.

“I do trust you, I just didn’t want to upset you but it is clear that I still have managed to do that.”

Levi remained silent, looking towards the door. “Are you going there? To Mitras?”

“I’m not sure yet. Possibly, but I have a lot of things to think about.”

“Well don’t let me hold you back, Erwin.”

Erwin looked taken aback at Levi’s comment. “You never hold me back, in fact you inspire me to move forward.”

Levi smiled at that subtly, before continuing. “You know what I mean, if it’s your dream go for it. Don’t just ignore it because I’m a needy boyfriend.”

“It’s something we both need to talk about in the future, but for now you need to focus on getting your mental health back to being stable and healthy.”

“I’m fine, mum just overreacted.” Levi said, pulling at one of the drips attached to his arm, unsure of why it was even there in the first place. He wasn’t ill, he just was upset.

Erwin took a deep breath, thinking about the best way to word the next question. He swallowed, before opening his mouth. “Levi, Kuchel told us that you’ve tried to kill yourself before. Why didn’t you tell me? I don’t ever want you to feel alone like that.”

“Erwin, that was three years ago. I wouldn’t try it again now, not ever. As soon as I swallowed those shitty pills I regretted it and ended up phoning her to get someone to fucking save me. It was a mistake, and I’m not going to do it again even if you do all leave me behind.”

Instead of responding, as Erwin was unsure of what to say to Levi at this point, he climbed into bed beside him and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. Instead of Levi’s usual protests, he too wrapped his arms around the strong back and breathed in the scent that he associated with home: with safety.

They remained in bed together for a while: the entire time the group was grabbing a drink. Even when they returned back to the hospital room, Levi wouldn’t let Erwin climb out and instead clung onto his top with his strong hands, keeping him secure in their hugging position.

“You’re not going anywhere, Smith.” Levi mumbled into his chest, causing everyone who could hear it to giggle softly before announcing they had to head home since it was getting late and their parents would be wondering where they were.

Kuchel and Erwin stayed in the hospital with Levi for the next night, taking it in turns watching over him and checking he was okay. The nurses popped in religiously through the night, removing the drip half way through and allowing Levi to sleep comfortably. By the next morning, they decided that Levi seemed stable enough to go home as long as he took it easy.

Appointments with a therapist were set up again at school, thankfully of which school were paying for (which Kuchel was extremely grateful for).

Once the three returned happily back to the Ackerman flat, Erwin helped Levi straight to bed where the couple cuddled and embraced, not letting the other go – they stayed like that until the evening crept around, sending Erwin home to his families and leaving Levi at his. The smaller boy climbed into his most comfortable pyjamas, before going to lay on the sofa with his mum who gently stroked his hair, and reassured him of how much she loved him until late into the night, when he fell asleep soundly as the evil thoughts of the future disbanded from his sensitive brain: for now, anyway.


	18. Returns and Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi manages to talk about college properly with Erwin.

Levi returned to school a week later. Kuchel had taken the week off from her job to ensure her son was stable enough to return to studying much to Levi's reluctance. She hoped that the hype of the college invitations would have died down by the time Levi was back at school, so as not to trigger anything inside him. However, he assured her plenty of times he was feeling a lot calmer: or as Levi was putting it, "I'm _fine_ mum. Stop faffing."

When he returned to class, his teacher pulled him to the side and arranged a private meeting for the two to plan for other options Levi had concerning graduation since he was the only student to have not applied for college that year. Reluctantly, he agreed, before heading back to the classroom subtly smiling at Erwin as he pulled his seat out.

No one mentioned what happened at school the earlier week: not even Nile or Marie. Everyone seemed very anxious at the moment, with their new found results and exams which weren’t far away. The morning in form was spent simply revising or studying, since their actual classes had now finished and it was just about refreshing before exam season crept around.

Levi sat on his seat at the front of the class reading a book and ignoring the work that actually needed to be done. He hadn’t done as badly in his exams as he thought he would have, managing to scrape a distinction in his mock art coursework, B’s in Maths, English, and History. The rest he got a C in, with a D in foreign languages. He wasn’t that let down, and knew it was only down to Erwin that he even got higher than a C.

Once the school bell rang for dinner time, the group of friends rekindled then headed out of the room to find Nanaba who was now back in her normal class, before walking outside and sitting down on a bench in the park opposite school.

Everyone was wrapped up in big coats and scarves, the January weather not being kind to them yet. Levi pulled on his big scarf he got for his birthday tightly around his neck, his slim fingers in dark green mittens clinging onto his lunch wrapped neatly in a brown bag.

Once outside of school where no students would be able to see them, Erwin tucked his arm around his boyfriend possessively: not wanting anything or anyone to take him away. He even managed to put a loving kiss on Levi’s cheek, before he moved his head away and sneered.

Over the past week Erwin had been around almost every day to check on Levi. He’d even picked him up in the car and driven him to a counselling session at school, his first one, and sat with him through it to make sure he was okay before returning him safely to Kuchel. But they’d still not discussed the issue of the future together yet, and it was clearly still on Levi’s mind.

The smaller boy slightly nudged into his partner on the bench to make room for Petra and Hange, who were slowly walking along carrying six hot chocolates on trays from the local café. Politely, everyone picked one from the tray and held it in their hands tightly, soaking up the heat.

“Glad to see you back, buddy.” Mike said eventually to Levi.

“Yeah. Thanks.” Levi replied as kindly as he could. Mike smiled at him, before returning to his conversation with Nanaba.

“Petra and I are off to Orvud this weekend to look at student accommodation. I think my parents are coming too. On the way we’re going to look at Mitras I think, to see which I prefer.”

“That sounds good, Hange.” Erwin replied to them, smiling sadly. Even the mention of post-graduation plans was a sore point at the moment, especially since he’d not even discussed his.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to come with us, to look at Mitras on the way?” Hange asked, clearly oblivious to how it was affecting the smaller boy sat with Petra, shifting awkwardly in his seat.

“That’s very kind of you, thank you. But I need to think of my actual plans a bit more thoroughly first before I rush into making any decisions.”

“That’s fair enough Erwin, I’ll just grab some leaflets on it.” Hange took a large sip of their drink, before moving position to sit opposite Nanaba and Mike who were a lot more enthusiastic about the prospect of moving out of their parents’ houses.

“Can we talk tonight Erwin?” Levi asked, almost a whisper. He was staring forward into the park, cheeks and nose bright pink from the cold. After speaking, he brought the hot chocolate to his lips and took a sip.

“Yes of course Levi.” Erwin replied, pulling him into a gentle squeeze. Levi seemed to slightly relax under the touch, yet still appeared tense under his many layers of clothing. The smaller boy turned to talk to Petra then.

“Are you worried about Hange going so far away?”

“Yes I’m bothered that they won’t be near, but I’m just going to take it how it is and see if we can cope being so apart from each other.”

“And if not?” Levi proceeded.

“If not, then I guess we’ll have to see when it gets to that time. But there’s still a few months before we even need to start worrying about things like that.” Petra replied, smiling sadly.

Just then the school bell rang and everyone quickly ran back to class, not realising how long they’d been sat in the snowy park. Thankfully, their teacher was pretty kind about them being late into the classroom and allowed everyone to have a relaxing afternoon watching a film, sitting wherever they wanted.

Levi sat on the back row with his best friends, careful not to lean in too close to Erwin or hold his hand despite how tempting it felt. So far, despite the amount of months they’d been together, no one had found out about their secret relationship yet. And they most certainly wanted to keep it that way.

Throughout the film playing on the TV, Levi kept noticing weirdly sly and subtle glances from Marie to Erwin. She kept smiling at him the whole way through, or just looking behind trying to get his attention. Erwin was clearly trying to be engrossed in the film to push her off, but the brown haired girl wasn’t having it.

By the end of the film and school, she decided it was acceptable for her and Nile to get up and walk over to Erwin and Mike, ignoring the other three completely.

“Erwin, Mike. It’s been a while since we properly spoke.” Nile said, smirking.

“I wonder why?” Mike mumbled under his breath, turning around and swinging his bag over his shoulder ready to walk out of the classroom and find his girlfriend.

“I think we should all go out for a drink tonight, somewhere nice. A bar in town, perhaps?” Marie suggested, smiling at the thought.

“Not tonight I’m afraid, I already have plans.” Erwin said, too committing to the gesture of swinging his bag over his shoulder once his coat was buttoned up fully.

“You’re no fun, Erwin.” Marie grumbled. “You better be more entertaining when we’re at Mitras.”

“I’m not even sure if I’m going to that college yet, I have a lot to think about.”

“What? Not going to Mitras? Erwin are you stupid? That’s one of the most prestigious schools in the country!” Nile exclaimed, appearing shocked and taken away by Erwin’s seemingly ungrateful comment.

“Yeah Erwin why wouldn’t you want to go?” Marie asked. Levi was now watching the whole conversation unfold from the side, pretending to look out of the window but watching their reflections instead listening intently.

“Because he might not want to go there? Ever thought of that?” Mike chipped in, before adding. “I’m going now, meeting Nan. I’ll text you later Erwin.” He patted a large hand on his best friends shoulder before heading out of the classroom.

“Is it because you want to stay here with your little angry dog?” Nile scoffed, laughing at his own poor comment.

Erwin just shook his head in annoyance. “I’m leaving now. It’s not your business Nile, especially after all the things you’ve done these past few months. We’re not friends, and I would only discuss my concerns with friends. Good evening, you two.”

Erwin walked straight to the door, Levi trotting along slowly after smiling to himself as he remembered the shocked and hurt faces plastered on both Nile and Marie in the classroom; they never thought that a Smith would stand up to them in such a way, but he did.

Once in the car, the couple remained silent on the drive to Erwin’s house. Both his mum and dad were still at work, so the pair agreed it was the best place to go and talk; plus Levi was getting bored of seeing the same four walls in his house every day, and quite fancied going to his boyfriends for a change, hoping the coolness from Mr Smith would be blown over from October. Erwin reassured him numerous times it would be.

They pulled up in the snow covered drive and ran into the house, taking off all wet clothes in the porch before removing shoes and walking straight to Erwin’s room. He made a pot of tea for Levi, and placed some biscuits on a plate in the centre of the coffee table in his ‘living space’ of the very large bedroom.

“We need to properly talk about this.” Levi said, cutting straight to the chase. He definitely did not like to wait around.

“I agree. What first?”

“Well, first sorry. I uh, am proud of you. You know, for getting into a big place.” Levi stuttered, sipping at his piping tea.

“Thank you Levi, but I’m not sure I even want to go there yet. There’s so much to plan, to think about.”

“And why don’t you want to go?” Levi asked, looking directly at his boyfriend.

Erwin shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He had a million reasons of why he wanted to go there: he’s always wanted to go to a top university, mainly to follow in his fathers’ footsteps, but also to help benefit himself and become the best he could possibly be. But there was one main thing holding him back: one main thing stopping him, and the one main thing he knew wouldn’t want to hear that.

“Levi I don’t want to go anywhere without you.”

Levi frowned, “But I don’t want to hold you back either.”

“Yes, but I can still achieve what I want by going to a college closer to home. I applied locally too, to where Mike and Nan are going, and Petra. I don’t have to go all that way, I don’t want to. I need to stay with you, Levi. We both need each other and I don’t think I’d be any good at Mitras if I didn’t have you there.”

“If you’re so adamant you don’t want to go there, then why apply in the first place?” Levi asked, furrowed brows.

Erwin couldn’t reply: he just sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He hadn’t felt this worked up or stressed for a long time; he should be excited about going to such an amazing school with an unconditional offer which was ultimately unheard of, but the thought of leaving Levi behind just broke his heart. And it broke even more when his mind constantly flashed back to what Levi had told him in the hospital about feeling alone.

“Now I want to say what I want.” Levi said, and without waiting for response, began to speak. “I want you to go to Mitras. I don’t want to not see you, but I want you to do what you’ve always wanted – do what makes you as happy as you can be, and if that’s a posh snobby school then fucking do it. We’ll make it work. I’ll learn to drive or something. Or get a job and pay for travel.

I’m sure mum would take me too, or you could come back every weekend and see me. Maybe when your family drives up I can tag along. But we’ll make it work, Erwin Smith. And before you say anything else, I've had a good week to think this through properly. If anyone would make it work, it's us two stubborn humans.”

Levi was rambling, clearly his thoughts jumping into his head as he spoke. Erwin just looked at him fondly, proudly. He was worried that Levi was just going to protest the entire thing: not want to let him move away, not want to let him go to where he wanted. He knew that Levi wouldn’t ever outright say that, but he knew he’d suggest it in body language. But no, he’d given him the get set. The announcement from his boyfriend made Erwin's heart beat faster with excitement, as he offered further suggestions about how they'd make their relationship work.

“I’ll always facetime you too, Levi. Call you daily. We will make it work, I promise. You’re the most important thing in the World to me, and I wouldn’t replace you for a crappy degree: not ever.” Erwin shuffled closer to his boyfriend and held him in his arms.

Levi deflated at the touch, sinking his head into his boyfriends arm as he held him tightly. “I was so fucking worried about this talk.”

“Me too, Levi.” Erwin mumbled, placing a soft kiss on the dark hair, breathing in his scent slowly.

“I thought you’d leave me.” Levi then mumbled out, closing his eyes and letting his body completely relax into the touch.

“What? Are you serious Levi?!” Erwin asked, pushing away at arms-length and shooting a very worried look at his partner, eyebrows drawn, lips held in a thin, stern line. “You really think I’d leave you for university?!”

“Well I don’t know, I know I’m a little annoying, messed up shit.” Levi said, genuinely shocked at the hurt that was on Erwin’s face.

“Levi you’ve made me the happiest man in the world, and have done ever since I was eight whether as a friend or as a lover. I couldn’t never leave you, not now. We’ve been through so much together.”

Levi just stared on at Erwin, eyes growing softer by the second. He moved his body over the sofa and wrapped himself over his boyfriend, kissing him gently at first before deepening the kiss, holding each other tightly.

They moved from the sofa to the bed, where they awoke even later that evening to the front door opening and Mrs Smith returning home. Levi slowly pulled himself out of the covers, feeling less achy now that he'd managed to talk things through with Erwin: in fact, he woke up feeling content and relaxed for the first time in a while. He ran to the bathroom to wash again, before clothing himself. Erwin in the meantime had made the bed look untouched in case his father came home, and sat in the living area with Levi just as his mother walked in.

“Ah, hello boys. Levi it’s lovely to see you, it’s been a while.”

“Yeah, you too Mrs Smith.”

“Would you care to join us this evening for dinner?” She asked, smiling at Levi, who instantly looked at his boyfriend who nodded.

“Yeah, please.”

“Perfect. Well, I’ll get on with the cooking and let your mum know. I’ll give you both a shout when it’s ready.”

With that, Erwin’s mum walked from the room closing the door gently behind her. Levi looked towards his boyfriend, who told him that he needed to tell them about his college offers tonight. In case he was going to reject it, he’d yet to tell his family because he knew they’d never let him say no to such an offer, but since acceptance from Levi, he couldn’t wait to tell them that night.

As soon as Mrs Smith called the boys down for dinner, they both tumbled down the stairs steadily. It was to be the first time Levi would see his boyfriends’ father since the incident at Erwin’s eighteenth party, so he was feeling pretty anxious about the whole prospect of sitting opposite him throughout dinner.

The couple walked straight to the kitchen, helping Mrs Smith carry plates of food to the dining room. It looked like they’d be having homemade tacos for tea, with salad and nachos on the side. It smelt amazing: Levi had forgotten how much he missed Mrs Smith’s cooking.

He took a seat beside Erwin, and waited patiently for the two adults to enter the room and take a seat alongside them. Mr Smith didn’t look at Levi much as he took his place opposite him, but he didn’t scowl or pass comment either which Levi could only assume to be a good sign.

“Well, enjoy everyone.” Mrs Smith smiled, as she picked up the first taco shell and began to fill it. Everyone else too followed her movement, filling their plates before conversation took place.

“Levi,” Mr Smith began, causing the boy to shift awkwardly in his seat, “I would like you to know that everything that happened last year is water under the bridge. Consider this to be a new start after a few troubled years for the both of us.”

Levi just looked on at the man talking and blinked numerous times, completely shocked and taken aback by the comments being made at the moment. He never thought that Erwin’s father would ever forgive him, never mind discard all his opinions of his family history. The raven haired boy could sense Erwin looking on at him, a smile on his face.

“I uh, yeah. Sorry about all of that.” Levi said, looking down at his food and pushing a piece of lettuce awkwardly with his fork.

“No need. If my son choses you to be his best friend, then I trust his judgment to be correct.”

Levi glanced at Erwin, who was still smiling, before adding, “Thank you, Mr Smith.”  Looking up finally and offering a weak smile at the man. He couldn’t trust him completely: but he was more shocked that he’d finally been welcomed into his life after all these years of negative thoughts. It seemed like today was in fact a day for big changes and maturing, on not just his and Erwin’s parts, but everyone’s.

“Well, now that’s out of the way, let us enjoy this delicious meal my loving wife prepared for us.” Mr Smith smiled towards Erwin’s mum and placed a kind kiss on her cheek, before picking up his fork and digging in. In all the years that Levi had known the Smiths, and had seen their family interact, he’d never known it to be so kind or warm. Something must have changed in the few months he hadn’t been around, and to be honest, Levi couldn’t be happier that it was changed.

Perhaps they’d soon be able to open up to Erwin’s father too about their relationship. But not today, and not yet. Not after he’d only just chosen to get along with Levi; they definitely wouldn’t want to mess that up again.

“Mother, father.” Erwin suddenly began, after wiping his mouth on a napkin and placing it on the table. “I have something to discuss with you.”

“Oh, what is it son?” Mrs Smith asked, concern in her voice. She looked at Levi quickly, almost suggesting it was going to be what Levi had just been thinking, but that worry was altered soon after.

“It’s about my exam results and college offers.”

“But Erwin, we already know how amazing your offers and results were, and we as parents couldn’t be more proud.” Mr Smith said, quizzically.

“No, it’s not that. It’s something I kept a secret. I did get another offer. From Mitras, to study History. It’s unconditional too so I’m in whether my exams go well or not this summer.”

Mrs Smith looked like she could burst with pride at hearing the words leaving her sons mouth. Her eyes began to water hysterically as she pushed her chair away from the table and walked around to hug Erwin tightly.

“Oh darling I am so relieved and proud. That was your goal, I knew you’d make it. You’re so intelligent and smart, I can’t believe you’re mine. Why didn't you tell us sooner?” She gushed, squeezing him tightly.  

"I just needed to think things through about the offer, first." Erwin replied in a mumble; Mrs Smith might be small, but her hugs powerful.

Mr Smith too then stood from the table and walked around to Erwin, shaking his hand firmly and holding his face tightly as if he too might begin to cry. He then turned the shake into a hug, pulling his son into an embrace.

“Erwin Smith, I am so incredibly proud of the man you have become.” His father said, pride radiating from his body. This caused Erwin to start crying slightly as Mrs Smith rushed out of the room to get the phone, ready to give her daughter a call in London to let her know the amazing news.

Levi just sat looking on at the scene, feeling a little jealous and pushed out. He tried not to think of the jealously bubbling inside, and just on how proud he too was of Erwin reaching what he wanted. Yet that niggling feeling of abandonment lingered, and the happy family laid out in front of him made his heart ache in longing for that set up too.

It’s not that he didn’t totally love Kuchel, because he did. More than anything ever. But the Smiths were just the traditional happy family of four. Their son and daughter both extremely successful and smart, having reasons for parents to be proud. Levi couldn’t think of one single reason why his mum could be proud of him, other than the fact he was still surviving despite his brain being in the mental state it was.

Feeling awkward at how long he’d been staring, Levi returned to his food and began to eat when Mr Smith sat back down and decided it was a good time to ask Levi about his future too.

“Levi, what were your results like?” He asked, wiping the corner of his eye with the back of his hand capturing a leaking tear. Erwin reached his hand under the table subtly giving Levi’s thigh a gentle squeeze, maybe in support? Levi wasn’t sure why the gesture took place.

“Okay, yeah, thanks.” He mumbled, putting his knife and fork neatly on his plate once he finished eating.

“Any offers from schools? Or a plan for what you want to do after you graduate?”

Before Levi began to answer, Mrs Smith returned her place at the table sniffling softly beginning to eat the rest of her tea. Erwin too had returned to finishing the food on his plate, his crying now finished but leaving his cheeks puffy and red.

“No, I didn’t apply to any. I’m not sure what I want to do yet.”

Mr Smith stopped chewing his mouthful at hearing that: both shocked and worried about Levi’s plans for the future. They were due to graduate in less than five months and he had no job lined up, no college plans. He was about to comment on it when Mrs Smith interrupted, deciding her answer would be a lot more gentle than that of her husbands.

“That’s okay, Levi. It may be better for you to have a few more months to decide a plan. You can apply with the summer applications anyway.” She smiled. Levi just nodded along.

The conversation after that drifted back to Erwin, and how excited he was for Mitras, each bubble of happiness causing a heartbreak in Levi’s body, but he pushed aside the numb aching to smile and join in the conversation when he felt he had to.

Soon enough everyone had finished their dinners, and after a celebratory bowl of ice cream with fruit, the table was being cleared. Erwin and his father were cleaning the dining room down, laughing and joking about how Erwin was following in his footsteps. Levi followed Mrs Smith to the kitchen, helping her wash and dry the pots before putting them neatly away in the cupboards.

“How have things been, Levi?” Mrs Smith asked kindly.

“Not bad I guess.” He replied, shuffling around the kitchen trying not to make much noise as pots bashed against others.

“And school? Have you seen anything of Nile or Marie recently?”

Levi thought back to his first few days at school, and the fact that Nile didn’t seem to get great results. He smirked at the thought. “I think Nile didn’t do well in his exams, but Marie got into Mitras. They’ve not really said anything to me though.”

Mrs Smith nodded in agreement, “I could have guessed that. He got into a lot of trouble with his father after Erwin’s father found out the truth of the party. I’m guessing he wasn’t as focussed on his exams as he could have been. However, I am glad they’re leaving you to it.”

“True.” Levi said, just thinking about Nile’s dad having a go at him over spiking his drink. He was glad his family finally heard about how bad he was, not this perfect smart angel he was made out to be.

“And how come you didn’t apply to any schools? Does your mother know about that, Levi?” Her voice sounded stern and serious, causing Levi to feel panicked about how annoyed people seemed when they heard he didn’t want to go to further education.

“Mum knows, she said that its okay. She said just think about my plan before I rush into it. We can’t really afford college anyway, and there’s no way I’d have got an unconditional or scholarship like Erwin.”

“Levi you know that isn’t true. You’re amazing at art, for example. Perhaps you could reapply in summer for an art program.” She said, warmly as the last cup was rinsed and put on the rack to dry.

“Maybe.” He shrugged.

Mrs Smith paused for a second, clearly contemplating the best way to word what she was wanting to say next. “And what is your plan regarding Erwin moving to Mitras?”

Levi sighed heavily, putting what he was drying on the worktop. They’d only just discussed this as a couple, but he was only telling Erwin to go and not let him be held back. They hadn’t talked about their relationship in much detail, but he was sure it’d work out fine.

“I think we’re just going to see each other every other weekend, phone daily, facetime and stuff. It’ll be fine.”

“I’m sure it will.” Mrs Smith kindly replied, before helping Levi put the rest of the pots away in silence. Erwin joined them once he was finished with his father, and offered to take Levi home in his car since it was getting late.

Levi thanked the Smiths for him being round, especially aimed at Erwin’s father. Since the truce at dinner time, he wanted to do whatever he could possibly do to show he wasn’t anything like Kenny, and he was actually a good kid who would motivate not hinder his son.

The couple walked from the front door, hopping into Erwin’s cold car wrapped up in their warmest coats and scarves. The engine was turned on, and the two drove back to Levi’s in silence, an anxious air between them both. Much sooner than either would have liked, they pulled up outside Levi’s flat.

Quietly into the dark car, Levi mumbled out what he’d been thinking the entire ride. “We’ll be okay, won’t we?”

“Of course, Levi. You’re my everything, we will make this work no matter what. Plus, we still months before I leave for college. We definitely will make the most of this time.” Erwin smiled strongly, showing that he wasn’t worried in the slightest about his relationship faltering as he moved away. That smile was enough to dispose of Levi’s worries, and he leant into his boyfriend kissing him passionately on the mouth.

The two stayed in the car kissing for a long time uncomfortably leaning over the gear stick. When Levi’s phone started vibrating in his pocket, he said his final goodbye to his boyfriend and rushed up the stairs to his mum apologising for his lateness.

Soon after his night time routine, Levi crawled into bed thinking about how he would make sure it would work out with Erwin. How he would make sure that college wouldn’t get in the way of his relationship with the one he loved and trusted.


	19. Dances and Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's approaching the end of High School for everyone, which means it's time for the end school dance.

The next few weeks of school quietly died down after the results. People stopped getting worked up over what they got and instead started knuckling down and working hard for their exams in a few weeks’ time.

Levi had thought more about what Mrs Smith had said about going to an art school, and was still in consideration. He had until the end of the exam period to apply, so still a good month and a half to think about what he truly wanted to do with his life: it was a scary prospect, thinking of finishing school with no plans for after.

Recently since the work at school had piled up so much, he and Erwin hadn’t found much time to spend together. They still spent Saturday’s together, but Erwin spent the entire time revising and hardly noticing that Levi was there, which annoyed him since he already had an unconditional offer but let him work anyway, knowing his boyfriend well enough to realise he’d want the best results still. For the first few weeks, Levi went round to Erwin's to keep him company whilst he worked, but after realising that Erwin wasn't going to pay him any attention, the smaller man stopped bothering and instead just sat at home in a bit of a grump. 

Levi however hadn’t put much effort into working compared to Erwin, which was annoying and worrying Kuchel. She wanted her son to graduate with results she knew he could achieve by working hard, but he had no motivation and instead was crumbling under the stress of his friends all leaving to colleges, distancing himself from the situation as much as he could.

The therapist visits had been helping him deal with his abandonment issues, feeling comfortable enough to talk about them as long as Erwin was there with him. He’d only been to one session without him which proved particularly hard, not speaking to the doctor at all. So it was agreed that the blonde haired man could come along to every session with him. Since he’d been going, panic attacks had become lesser and lesser and it had got to the point he couldn’t remember the last one he had, but the niggling thought remained in Levi's mind: _all my friends will be gone in the next few months_.

Despite the work load of everyone with exams, the final school dance was only next week and everyone was excited to have a well-deserved pause from revision for the evening. People were getting excited about their outfits, their partners, and the music there, the food. It was all anyone was talking about the Friday exactly one week before the dance was taking place.

“So, we’re in agreement that we’re going as a six?” Hange asked, putting the lid neatly on their pen as the bell rang for break.

“Yes, I think that’ll be the nicest way.” Nanaba said, smiling.

“My mum’s boyfriend has a campervan he could take us all in, if you can all get round to my house for seven just before the dance? I’m sure everyone’s parents will be wanting photos anyway.” Petra offered, kindly.

“That sounds lovely Petra,” Erwin began, “I will pick up everyone and take us all over to yours. Will my car be alright parked up there?”

“Should be fine. Hange’s getting ready with me though, so it’s just Levi, Mike, and Nanaba that will need a lift.”

“That’s absolutely fine, I’m sure I can do that.” Erwin smiled, looking at Levi as he did. Surprisingly, Levi was feeling totally okay about the dance despite what had happened at the previous one he agreed to attend. In fact, he was excited to spend the night with his best friends, but would never admit that. It felt different this time around weirdly; everyone seemed a lot closer, and it would be quite nice that everyone in the group had a date.

“Have you all got your outfits sorted?” Mike asked, aiming it at Erwin and Levi but was interrupted by an excited Hange.

“Yes! I’ve got a three piece suit that’s navy blue, and bright white flowers to put in my hair. Also I’ve got a flower crown for Petra to wear, so we’ll match.”

Petra giggled, “We’ll match even more since my dress too is navy and floor length, covered in sequins. It’s strapless too, so my grandma is lending me her choker she wore to her graduation ball.”

“That sounds so beautiful Petra, and Hange.” Nanaba said, smiling - eyes sparkling.

“What you wearing, Nan?” Erwin asked politely.

“I’ve got a floor length halter-neck black dress with a slit up the leg. It’s literally just plain black and quite tight fitting, but Mike helped me choose it so I felt bad saying no.” She laughed, Mike poking her jokingly in the side at her comment.

“Nanaba you’ll look like a movie star.” Petra ogled, just imaging the bonny blonde haired lady in the beautiful dress she was describing.

“I’ve just got myself a black tuxedo: mum said I had to make an effort this time since it’s our last school dance.” Mike said, cringing at the thought of how dressed up he’s going to look. “It’s a tailcoat and everything.”

Everyone on the table chuckled at Mike’s annoyance, but resounding that he’d look very handsome in the outfit, especially since throughout the year he seemed to fill out his clothes better, becoming the tallest in the class and the most muscular by far.

“Erwin?” Petra asked after, waiting for him to describe his suit.

“I’ve gone for a black suit with a white shirt. I’m not wearing a tie or anything, but that bolo tie that Levi bought for my 18th. I thought it would look quite fitting with the whole outfit.”

“Definitely.” Hange replied. Levi felt his cheeks rise in temperature at the thought he was going to wear his bolo tie instead of the traditional outfit, warm at the image of his boyfriend proudly walking around in it, but managed to duck away so no one noticed it.

“And you, Levi? What’s your suit like?” Petra finally asked.

Levi didn’t really want to admit he hadn’t been able to afford a new suit since the last dance, and was planning on wearing what he wore to the homecoming after been taken to the drycleaners to get the blood stains out of it. It still didn't feel clean when he tried it back on; it was like he could see the blood still on it despite it going through the cleaners twice. 

He shrugged. “Just a black suit I guess.”

“Oh come on Levi, haven’t you got something super special for our last dance?!” Hange shouted, excitedly. Levi cringed in his seat at the volume of their friends’ voice.

“Fucking hell, quiet Hange. And no, not for a shitty dance I’m not bothered about.” He crossed his arms across his chest, trying to exaggerate his pretend lack of interest in the dance. But he could feel Erwin’s eyes resting on him with concern and worry at the thought he hadn’t got a new suit.

“Well you’ll look handsome no matter what you wear. You’ve turned into quite the looker, Levi.” Hange teased from across the table, trying to squeeze his cheek as they joked. He managed to duck his head just in time to avoid the dirty fingers, causing everyone to burst out laughing at his stroppy attitude.

The rest of the week leading up the dance went very much like that: all conversations surrounding the dance, outfits, and after parties of which Levi was certainly not attending. Instead, the six made a plan to just go back to Petra’s and have some nibbles, enjoying a film at the same time.

The Friday of the dance rolled around extremely quickly, students in their final year of school being allowed to leave early to get ready for the big event. Erwin drove to collect Levi and Kuchel from their flat after school so his boyfriend could get ready with him and his mother could see them both suited and booted.

Levi walked to the car, his old suit neatly pressed in a bag and hung it on a hook on the backseat. Kuchel climbed in after locking up, holding a camera in her hands and a box with a corsage clearly in it. Levi had given her it to hide it from Erwin as he wanted it to be a surprise, but she wasn’t very good at being subtle.

The three excitedly pulled up into the Smiths driveway soon after. Kuchel went straight to the living area with Mr and Mrs Smith whilst Erwin led Levi to his bedroom so they could start getting ready.

“Where can I hang my suit?” Levi asked as soon as the door was shut.

Erwin turned his back to Levi, smirking happily but hiding it from his boyfriend. “Just in the right hand wardrobe, nearest my bathroom.”

Levi walked over to the cupboard, pulling the sliding door across. Inside the rail was empty apart from one suit. It was crisp white, pressed perfectly. The collar was neatly folded revealing a deep black shirt underneath. Around the hanger hung a thick, black belt with a solid silver buckle. Towards the foot of the wardrobe were placed two extremely shiny shoes clearly brand new; inside the left hand foot laid a card with Levi written in bold letters across, a small heart drawn under his name.

The small boy turned around ready to say something to Erwin, but just as he did so the bathroom door slammed shut and the sound of the locker sliding echoed into the bedroom. Frowning, the envelope was peeled open and a card was slid out.

Heart fluttering, Levi opened the white card. On the front it read ‘be my date?’ with a small drawing of both Levi and Erwin holding hands under a tree. It was clearly homemade.

_Levi,_

_I bought you this suit so you could have a fresh start to the end of an amazing year. You’re the light of my life, and make me complete. Have an amazing end of school dance, I love you forever and always._

_Will you go to prom with me?_

_Erwin X_

Levi held the card close to his heart, before placing it gently on the floor. Surprising, he didn't find it too cringy - he'd gotten used to Erwin's lovey-dovey actions over the time they'd been together, and thought this was nothing but sentimental. He stripped off his clothes, already having showered at home before being picked up by Erwin. The entire suit fitted perfectly: the trousers the right length, the jacket and shirt hanging on Levi’s slim yet firm, muscular arms. He looked at himself in the mirror, realising there was one last touch needed.

Quickly he slid open the zip on the bag of his old suit, sliding off a thin piece of silk and wrapping it around his neck tightly in the style he liked. It was the cravat that he’d got for his eighteenth from Erwin, and it completely made the outfit.

There was still no sign of Erwin being ready to leave the bathroom, so Levi quickly gathered his thoughts together from the warmth he felt from his loving gift. He picked up the box with the flower in, and opened it getting the smaller box from the inside. Getting himself composed, he sat on the edge of Erwin’s bed and waited for him to leave the bathroom, fingers tapping against the gift nervously.

Moments later the bathroom door unlocked and Erwin walked out in his full suit. He looked incredible: handsome and so grown up. His suit also fitted around his broad shoulders amazingly: the shine of his shoes reflecting the shine of his sparkling, white teeth. His shirt was crisp, the top buttons open. He was holding the bolo tie in his hand, waiting for Levi.

The two however couldn’t find the words between them. They stared at one another for a while, taking each other in completely. Levi felt his knees wobble at the sight of his boyfriend, and was extremely thankful to be sat down on the bed. Erwin’s mouth was slightly hanging open upon seeing Levi sat in his beautiful suit, the most gorgeous thing he’d ever seen in his life.

Without saying a word, Erwin walked to Levi who stood up hiding the two boxes behind him. The taller man ducked down, and Levi fastened the bolo tie on his neck, placing a soft kiss on the stone before placing a soft kiss on the lips.

“Thank you, Levi.” Erwin whispered, breathy. They stood looking into each other’s eyes for a moment, before Levi grabbed the larger box from behind.

“I uh,” he stuttered, “This is for you.” He held the box out nervously, waiting for Erwin to open it. He did, delicately lifting the lid off, then unwrapping the white tissue paper which stood in contrast to the dark box. Gently, a blue rose was lifted from the box: Levi had asked for it to be for a pocket, so he wouldn’t have to wear it on his wrist. He could see Erwin’s eyes watering slightly at the sight of the petals, before the deep blue eyes caught Levi’s.

“Will you do me the honours?” Erwin asked, kindly. Levi obliged, nodding softly, before taking the rose from his hands and sliding it into Erwin’s jacket pocket. The dark haired man had never felt or done something so meaningful, so romantic. He had chosen the flower to match his boyfriends’ eyes, and it did so: perfectly.

Before the special seconds passed, Levi reached behind him again and lifted out the second box: much smaller in size. Nervously he knelt down in front of Erwin, refusing to make eye contact with him as he did so. The taller man’s breath hitched at the action performed before him, as Levi took the large hand in his own.

“Erwin this is a, uh.” He began, unable to get the right words across. “A promise ring. Promise me we’ll stay together forever? And then maybe marry one day when the time is right and you’ve graduated and uh, just. Promise?”

Erwin nodded his head vigorously, taking the band of silver from the box and placing it directly on his wedding finger, not hiding any embarrassment that people might mistake it as an engagement ring. He pulled Levi close to his mouth, whispering “I promise” before taking his lips to his own.

After they shared a deeply passionate kiss, Erwin took Levi’s hand in his own and moved the ring that Levi wore to his wedding finger too, to match. Levi looked up at his boyfriend in confusion.

“A promise of engagement ring has to be worn on the promised finger.” Erwin said, smiling, kissing the band on silver that was now on Levi’s heart finger. He smiled.

Breathy, and with a slight pause, Levi mumbled, “I love you.”

Erwin held his boyfriend tightly, repeating the phrase numerous time, before the couple concluded they better head downstairs for a photo before everyone headed to Mike’s house. They both ensured their eyes weren't too glassy before they went to see their parents.

As they walked down the stairs together they could hear a scuffle of feet approaching from the living room. All three parents stood at the bottom of the stairs, cameras at the ready and smiling faces. Both mothers’ began to cry the second they saw their handsome sons’ descending the stairs.

“Oh wow, you two look amazing.” Kuchel blubbered, getting her camera flashed up and taking a photo of them on the steps. “So, so handsome.”

“You both do scrub up extremely well.” Mr Smith continued, also appearing to be holding the tears back. “Let us go to the garden to get a photo of the best friends before we go get Mike and Nanaba for some more pictures.”

Everyone nodded in agreement contentedly, before heading out into the garden to stand under the large blossom tree situated in the centre. Levi and Erwin both stood under it awkwardly trying not to touch each other, as Mr Smith was still not in the know of their relationship.

Enthusiastically, Kuchel and Mrs Smith shouted directions to the two boys and ordered them to stand in different positions to pose. Everyone was laughing and joking along, getting family shots too: Erwin, Mr and Mrs Smith. Then Kuchel and Levi, before the couple were sent to the lens again. Levi even managed to pull out a few awkward smiles for the picture, much to everyone's surprise at his reluctance to both have his photo taken, and smile. 

That’s when Mrs Smith caught sight of the matching rings on the boys’ fingers, and paid more attention to the flower in Erwin’s pocket. She looked directly at her son with a raised eyebrow, then back to her husband and Kuchel, then back to Erwin. He noticed, gulping obviously and shifting uncomfortably next to Levi.

“Everything okay, Erwin?” Mr Smith asked upon noticing his awkward shifts.

“I um, Levi?” Erwin looked down at his boyfriend, waiting for his response. Levi just nodded, frowning and looking down at his feet knowing exactly what Erwin was on about.

“Father, we need to tell you something. And actually mother, and Kuchel too.” He stuttered nervously. Mrs Smith and Kuchel both nodded at Erwin with encouragement, deciding now was the best time whilst everyone was in a good mood and feeling a wave of relief from the break of stress.

“Me and Levi, we are, um. We’re together. We’ve been dating since September, but I have been in love with him since I was small. He got me this corsage this evening, and we both have promise rings just as an agreement to stay together when college comes around.” As soon as the sentence was out, Erwin breathed out a shaky breath and Levi took his hand in his own. The garden remained silent for a second, before Mr Smith decided to interrupt the uncomfortable aura.

The old man weirdly began to clap, a wide smile forming on his face. After a few claps, he walked up to his son and Levi, pulling them both into a hug. “You think I didn’t know, son?” He asked, chuckling as he pulled away. Levi just stared up at him feeling extremely odd about the whole situation.

“You knew?” Mrs Smith asked.

“Of course I did! I’ve known since Erwin’s birthday. I felt uncomfortable accepting it at first, I was sure he’d go for Marie. But once I started to accept it, I felt content. Levi is a wonderful match for our son. Welcome to the family Levi, Kuchel. And again, sorry for my reluctant behaviour towards you: I hope that is all past us now.”

A wave of relief flooded throughout both the boys: Levi in particular practically collapsed upon hearing the accepted from Mr Smith. He actually began to smile widely, causing everyone around him to contract the rare but contagious smile.

“We better take some traditional couple photos then, hey?!” Mr Smith called out, everyone agreeing. The two boys were told to pose Erwin behind Levi, arms wrapped around his waist. Then photos were taken looking at each other, then candid shots of them laughing together and holding hands.

When they decided there was enough photos, the five decided to drive to Mike and Nanaba’s, where even more photos were taken. Mrs Smith managed to pull Erwin aside just as Levi was getting his picture with Nanaba to have a quick word.

“Erwin, I’m so happy and proud of you today. You and Levi bring the most joy to me in the world. The corsage he got you is beautiful.”

“Thanks so much mother, and I know, it’s amazing.” He looked down longingly at it, smiling.

“And what is this about promise rings?”

Erwin was sure his mother would want to know more about this, believing in just the traditional engagement and then marriage. He laughed. “I bought Levi a ring for his birthday, and he bought me this one back: it’s just a promise that we’ll get engaged as soon as I graduate.”

“That’s wonderful, Erwin. I love you both so much.” Mrs Smith lent up on her tip toes and planted a loving kiss on her sons cheek, and he pulled her into a hug, realising how small his mother was compared to his large frame now.

“I love you too, mum.”

“Hey Erwin! We’re getting shots of boys. Hurry up!” Nanaba shouted, causing Erwin to run back up the drive to stand with his best friends: Mike and Levi. Once they were content with the simple photos of just the four, they proceeded to Petra’s house where even more photos were taken.

By the time it approached eight, the six’s mouths and jaws were aching from smiling so much. They said bye to their parents, before Petra’s mums boyfriend ushered them inside the campervan and drove them to school, the big hall, and the venue of the dance.

Excitedly, the six climbed out walking to the entrance together giving their tickets in at the door. The hall as they walked in was decorated in a botanical theme: flowers covered the tables, archways of roses throughout the walkway to the dance floor. The cupcakes had edible flowers on them, and the photo booth was decorated like a fairy tale garden. With the darkness and the dotted fairy lights surrounding walls and chairs, the entire thing looked magical.

The group walked over to their designated table for the evening, taking their seats where name tags were placed. Levi and Erwin sat together, holding hands beneath the table cloth to avoid exposure to other people from the school. Nile and Marie’s table was right beside theirs, with some people from other classes they didn’t really know that well.

However, the six sat ignoring that table completely. They enjoyed their three course meal that was served; a tomato soup starter with focaccia bread, the main a simple pasta and pesto dish with fresh tomatoes, and the pudding the cupcakes that were on the table at the start.

Once eaten and cleaned away, everyone just sat and chatted, no one braving the dance floor just yet. It was then that Erwin put his hands on the table, catching the attention of Hange who noticed the new piece of jewellery placed on his finger.

“New ring, Erwin?” Hange asked, smiling.

“Ah yes. It was from a certain someone.” Erwin smiled, looking at Levi who was turning away in the most obvious manner he could, pretending to not have heard Hange's comment. He tutted under his breath, picking up the grape juice in his glass and drinking a large swig. “A promise ring.”

“I think it’s beautiful.” Petra replied, leaning closer to examine the silver band. It was beautiful too; Levi had saved up for months to buy it; his original plan was to give it to his boyfriend for Valentine’s Day, but he was unable to afford it by that point and decided this was an equally important day, if not even more so.

“Me too.” Nanaba said, and Mike and Hange simply nodded in agreement, smiling warmly at their friends who now seemed a little embarrassed.

“I’d like to say some stuff, whilst we’re all here together at school.” Mike announced, tapping the side of his glass with a spoon and clearing his throat. All eyes drew from Levi and Erwin and to the tall, mousy haired man now leaning forward on his chair.

“Firstly, I’d like to say I am so glad my last year was spent with you guys. You’re the best bunch of people I know, and you’re my best friends ever. Next, I just want to say to you Levi. Seriously, bud, you’ve had a shit school year. Like they’ve all been shit, but this was bad. I’m just really glad you’ve pulled through it – pushed past the dicks, ignored the haters. And I’m just glad you’re so happy with Erwin. Literally you’re the person I think deserves the best graduation ever, it’s been rough for you.”

“Yeah I totally agree. I only just got to know you properly this year Levi, but I’m certainly glad I did. I wish you all the best for the future.” Nanaba said, raising her glass. Everyone copied her in the motion, raising their glasses and chanting ‘to Levi’.

He had never felt so humiliated yet happy in his life. Awkwardly he shifted in his seat, fiddled with his fingers, tried to hide his blush by frowning and crossing his arms. But his friends saw right through it and just smiled.

“God guys. You’re all not fucking off for another, what, 3 months? Calm down.” At that comment everyone started to laugh, just admitting how much they loved their small, angry friend. Erwin smiled at him and held it for a moment, the giggles dying down.

By now people had started to take to the dance floor, so Hange offered their hand to Petra who accepted it. The two took to the floor, spinning each other round to the upbeat song, smiling and laughing along as they did so. Mike decided then too it was time to join everyone, taking Nanaba’s hand in his own and walking her to the centre.

They made a picture perfect couple as they danced, flowing as one. They both knew the steps perfectly and inside out, not falling about like Hange and Petra seemed to be. Levi and Erwin watched on, smiling contently at the sight. That was when Marie decided to join the two at their table, leaving Nile dancing with one of their friends.

“Erwin, Levi. You both look very handsome tonight.” Levi rolled his eyes away from her, crossed his arms and stared at the mass of people in the centre of the room.

“Thank you, Marie. You look very pretty yourself.” Erwin replied truthfully: she did look very beautiful. The long locks of brown, curled hair tied neatly in a bun on the top of her head, and a dress as red as blood flowing past her feet. She smiled at her ex-boyfriend.

“Always the charmer, Erwin.” She joked, and he laughed along. “Care to dance with me?”

“Ah, I’m sorry Marie but I’ll have to decline today. I’m not up for dancing.”

Marie rolled her eyes at that, then looked back at Levi. “If it's because you don't want to dance with me, why don’t you ask your date for a dance, then? It’s your last school prom – make the most of it.” At this, Levi’s gaze drew back to her in a sneer, but she was simply looking on with no malice in her face: just an understanding smile.

“I didn’t come with a date, Marie.” Erwin replied calmly, maintaining eye contact with her.

“Oh god Erwin.” She groaned, “I’ve known you years. I can read you like a book. It’s obvious you and Levi have been together for months, so he’s clearly your date. You guys even wear matching rings.” She laughed, pointing to both of their hands as she did so. Levi’s face fell white as he listened to her, which she must have noticed. “Don’t worry, I promise to keep it a secret. If that’s what you want. But just think, you both only have a month or so left, just have a dance: make the most of it.”

Marie stood then, about to turn away before she ducked back down and whispered something to Erwin who smiled slightly. Then she walked away to pry her boyfriend back off the girl he was dancing with, softly smiling at Levi kindly as she began to dance. He decided that she was bad, but nowhere near as bad as Nile.

Both Levi and Erwin sat in silence for a while then, clearly debating what was just said to them. Levi knew his boyfriend loved to dance: at every other school event, he’d always taken someone’s hand to dance with them, whether he knew them well or not. Levi had always watched on the side, jealous of the person he was pressed close to. Now was his chance to get rid of them original jealous feelings and take Erwin as his own.

Nervously but determined, Levi stood up and stretched his arm out to Erwin firmly, waiting for Erwin to look up. The blonde slowly met eye contact, before raising one of his large eyebrows at the gesture.

“Dance with me.” Levi commanded, and of course Erwin began to join his hand with his boyfriends before stopping with trepidation: “are you sure, Levi?”

He nodded firmly. “Yes. It’s our last dance, who gives a shit what these people think? I want to dance with you. Come on before I change my mind.”

Erwin then smiled brightly at his boyfriend, taking his hand as they walked together right to the centre of the floor. Levi could see Marie grinning at them both as they wandered up, and his best friends too were smiling at him, stopping dancing to see them both together finally opening up as a couple to everyone.

The song, typically, that was playing was a slower song. Erwin decided he wanted to lead the dance and do it properly, so took Levi’s hand in his wrapping the other around his waist. Levi followed suit, a hand joined in his boyfriends and the other on his shoulder.

They moved together, awkwardly at first Levi stumbling a few times, before the dance was fluid and the figures spun around together perfectly. Levi could sense other students looking at them, in confusion he assumed, but pushed the negative thoughts aside to look at his boyfriend. His big, floppy, handsome boyfriend who was smiling like a kid on Christmas.

Levi hadn’t realised that his friends, and Nile and Marie, had gathered around the two until the end of the music and dance when they started clapping. Hange hollered out, and Mike shouted something along the lines of ‘fucking finally’ causing everyone to laugh, including Levi.

The couple danced for another few songs before Levi decided he’d had enough of that, and went to dance with Petra for a bit as she’d asked him if he would a few weeks ago. Least everyone had stopped watching him by then, he thought.

Erwin and Mike returned to the table, as Hange and Nanaba had taken to each other to have a few dances. The old friends simply watched on, smiling proudly at how far their friendship group had come over the years.

“Erwin, I’ll miss you in Mitras. Promise to call?” Mike said, looking on at Nanaba as she was spun around.

“Of course Mike. You’re my longest standing friend, I’ll always miss you. All the best for you and Nanaba too. You make a perfect couple.” He said, kindly. Mike smiled bashfully.

“I’m planning on proposing after exams, you know?”

“I thought you would be, I know you too well.” Erwin smiled. The two laughed, then let out a long sigh.

“Look after Levi, Erwin. He’s a tough guy but not nearly as much as you’d think.”

“I will. I love him, Mike. I’ve not felt like this before.”

“Good. Well, don’t let studying consume you. Make time for him.”

“I promise.” Erwin said, thinking over the memories he’d made with Levi that year, and the special moment they shared just hours before in his bedroom. Just recalling the image of Levi fastening his bolo tie, offering the ring, the flower – it made his heart flutter with joy.

Just then, Nile came too and sat with Mike and Erwin at the table, the two latter turned away or looked down sternly trying to avoid conversation.

“I have a few things to say, and first be an apology.” Nile began, causing Mike to look up first. “I shouldn’t have treated you guys the way I have done this past year. I don’t know what came over me. But we’ve all known each other since we were young, and it’d be a shame to leave it in a shambles when we all part ways. So I deeply apologise to you both, sincerely. I'm also happy for you and Levi, Erwin. I didn't know you were gay.”

Erwin rolled his eyes before frowning his brows more: he did know, he'd told him years ago. It was also obvious that he wasn't happy about the couple, since last time he thought that Levi did fancy Erwin, he beat him to a pulp. But deciding not to start a large argument in the middle of a school dance, he kept quiet instead.

There was a silence, no acceptance of his faults. “It’s not us you should be apologising to.” Mike grumbled, Erwin still silent.

“I know,” Nile sighed, sadly. “I just don’t think he’ll listen to me.”

Something boiled in Erwin at that sentence: the defeatism he heard from Nile. He knew all about Levi’s past now: the attempt at ending life, the panics, the anxiety, and the loss of his friends at a young age, the alcohol. Erwin was so annoyed that Nile would even bother to speak to Levi in an attempt.

“What the fuck do you expect, Nile? You’ve picked on him since he was eight years old, simply because he’s not as well off as you. You’re a coward if you won’t speak to him. But don’t you fucking dare try talk to him tonight. Let him enjoy this dance, since you ruined the last one.” Erwin grumbled, but he couldn’t stop. “Now why don’t you prance off to your new friends and at a more appropriate time the four of us can meet up to discuss this. Now leave, I’m enjoying time with my best friends tonight.”

Nile looked utterly shocked. Erwin rarely, if ever, rose his voice or swore. Nile certainly had never heard him curse in the years he’d known him, so he was obviously extremely angry. Sensing the icy air, Nile simply stood up and walked away too worried to say anything else. As soon as the dark haired man left the table, Mike burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Hange asked, as they flopped into a seat opposite him. Mike continued to laugh, causing Erwin to catch on. Soon he too was laughing loudly, unable to control his volume. That made Hange’s throat tickle, seeing their friends so happy. They too began giggling.

By the time the other three got to the table everyone was in hysterics and no one really understood why. The laughing didn’t stop either: Petra caught on, then Nanaba. Soon it was just Levi who was left stood looking confused. But as he glanced over the table sitting down, he felt the corners of his mouth turn up as he too began to chuckle under his breath.

“I can’t believe Erwin fucking Smith swears” Mike chuckled out between breaths. He knew it wasn’t that funny, as did everyone on the table, but with the emotions of the night and the happiness they all felt, no one could help but laugh along.

By the end of the prom, the six walked out holding hands still giggling away. Levi even was laughing, and continued his happy nature throughout the night at Petra’s party. He linked to Erwin the entire time, holding him close, leaning against him. Everyone was so uplifted and so happy, it was the perfect way to end the school prom.

When the night drew to a close, Levi and Erwin returned to his flat where Kuchel was sat up waiting for them, despite it being almost three in the morning. Upon seeing the two boys, she stretched her arms out and took them in a large embrace as soon as they walked through the doors. They stayed holding one another for a while, before Erwin excused himself to have a quick shower and get into his pyjamas, leaving Levi with his mother for a few moments.

“Levi.” Kuchel said, sitting down on the sofa. He sat down beside her.

“I just want to say how immensely proud I am of you. You’ve almost finished your final year of school, you’ve stood up for yourself, and you’ve found yourself a wonderful, kind and caring boyfriend. And one that you’ve always loved, if I may I add. I just don’t think I’ve ever felt this much pride, just seeing you today being yourself with all your friends made my heart swell. You’re a very brave boy. You even told Mr Smith about your relationship, and think back to all the problems you had with him! It’s incredible. You’ve blossomed into an amazing young man.”

“God mum.” Levi groaned, embarrassed about his gushy mother’s behaviour. He was extremely thankful that Erwin was in the bathroom at this point.

“I mean it Levi. I just love you so much.” She said, pulling him into a hug. He accepted it, holding her back and telling her that he loved her too. Not wanting to say it, but Levi was pretty damn proud of himself too. He knew he had a tough year at school: he knew it had been exceptionally hard on him but he’d come out genuinely happy, something he never thought would happen.

Erwin appeared from the bathroom then, and Levi followed in to start having his evening wash. Whilst he was locked in the room, Erwin told Kuchel all about the evening: the giggles they shared, the food, Nile trying to talk to him and how he stood up for himself (of which she laughed at too). Lastly, Erwin told Kuchel about how Levi had offered him a dance and showed the entire school that they were together.

At this, she hugged Erwin too, so proud that the couple had come so far since September, or even before when they clearly liked each other but were afraid to admit it.

That night, Levi and Erwin made love. They kept it as quiet as they could after New Year’s Day, but it made it more loving: more emotional. They then fell asleep locked in the other’s arms, smiles plastered happily on both their faces.

It was the way Levi wanted the night to end: the best way to end the last dance they’d share at High School, and a damn sight better than the end to the dance they opened the year with.

Throughout the night, Levi kept waking up as his body was too excited and content to sleep properly, and every time he did a gentle kiss was placed on his boyfriends’ nose, cheek, and eyes – all the way until he reached his hand where the silver band shone in the moonlit sky perfectly. He bent his head up to it and kissed it, locking hands with his own until his body calmed down and let him drift off, peacefully. Happily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all taking your time to read over my little story, for leaving me kudos and just genuinely making me feel warm and fuzzy inside <3


	20. A Weekend Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was decided that the best time for Levi to use his birthday trip from Kuchel was just after the dance: a quick break from exam stress, and time to explore Mitras before Erwin would move there alone after the summer had ended.

Since the dance was on a Friday night, everyone agreed (teachers included) that the weekend after could be spent relaxing instead of revising. Levi had decided that this was the best time for him to use his birthday invitation for Erwin and himself to visit Mitras.

Erwin wanted to take Levi around the city he would soon call home: partially to ease his mind about moving so far away, but also so when Levi comes to visit he would know where to go. As Erwin packed at home, he made sure to bring some more paper so they could write down things they liked about the city, and draw a map of the best places to go from the University. They were only going for one night, but Erwin wanted it to be special so he packed some nice chocolates to share and a bottle of elderflower juice from the French bakery before setting off to pick his boyfriend up.

When he called to the flat above the sweet shop, Levi was already sat with Kuchel bags in hands. He’d only brought a small hand luggage carrier but he too had a similar idea to Erwin and brought some nice food along with his own belongings.

“Now you two, stay safe. No getting into trouble. Don’t be out too late at evening, and don’t separate from each other.” Kuchel began to reel off a list of things the boys had to comply with on their trip to the city. “Erwin I know I won’t have to say this but drive carefully and both of you text your mothers when you land.”

“Yes mum, god.” Levi grumbled, standing up and walking to stand beside Erwin, who was looking down smiling. The taller boy immediately, instinctively wrapped his arm around his boyfriend.

“Yes, Kuchel, don’t worry I will take good care of your son. We’ll be back tomorrow evening anyway.”

“I know I just worry about you both.” She said, taking the two into her arms and giving a joint hug. “I’ve given Levi some nibbles for the journey, and here’s some extra money in case you don’t have enough.” A twenty pound note was given to both Levi, and one to Erwin who graciously thanked her for the gift.

The tall blonde then took the bag from Levi’s hands and led him to the car, putting his bag securely in the boot and shutting it tight. The engine turned on and as they turned onto the road Kuchel stood waving at them.

Levi was excited for his time away with Erwin. The last time they had a place together with no one else there was the lodge on his birthday, and now half way into the New Year he felt like he needed some time with his boyfriend and no one else. Especially since everyone was under large amounts of stress at the moment, he felt it would really help to escape for a bit.

The small man kept glancing at the sat nav, trying to determine how far they were from his home. The time kept ticking on, and every second meant another second further away from Erwin he would be in a very short space of time. He glanced out of the window at the scenery, trying not to think about that thought, a frown on his face.

“Everything okay, Levi?” Erwin asked, sensing the boy growing uncomfortable. Levi shifted awkwardly, trying harder to push the thoughts to the side.

“Yeah, fine.” He muttered, leaning forward to fish through the bag of food on the floor. They’d only been in the car for just over half an hour, but Levi was already growing restless. Whilst he was so excited about his birthday trip to Mitras and The Titans Arms, a childhood dream, but he was feeling disconcerted about what Mitras was about to mean for the couple and how it would be their separation come a few months.

“Are you sure?” Erwin pressed, taking his eyes from the road to furrow his brows at his boyfriend.

“Fucking hell Erwin, I’m fine!” Levi snapped, leaning back up from the bag on the floor and flopping hard against the back of the seat. His eyes didn’t leave the dashboard in front of him; he didn’t want to look at Erwin now, not when he was already feeling panic spur about the fact he wouldn’t get to spend much time with him soon, but he didn’t want to say because he didn’t want to make Erwin feel bad about leaving him: he’d said it was okay, so to moan now would just be selfish.

Erwin turned back to the road, ignoring the sharp tone his boyfriend had just expressed. He knew that something was bothering Levi, but also knew better than to press him until he truly does snap in anger. To mute the tense silence, the driver turned the radio up louder covering the distance between them.

After another five or so minutes, Levi started shifting more uncomfortably in the passenger seat: he unbuckled his seat belt, removed his jumper, fastened himself back in, pulled his knees up, then crossed them, then put them back down. His hand was playing with his hair, scratching his neck. The anxiety was growing deeper inside him, until it became too much for him to bare: eyes constantly looking at the distance from home on the sat nav.

“Pull over.” Levi said, he wanted to step out and feel the fresh air instead of the cool air conditioning. The car was beginning to feel tight and claustrophobic: he felt he couldn’t move, and everything was pressing firmly into him.

Erwin didn’t say anything but obliged, turning into a grassy patch at the side of the road and turning the engine off. Before he even had time to turn to his left hand side to face his boyfriend, the latter was out of the car and door left wide open. Quickly, the seat belt was removed from Erwin’s body and he climbed out of the car to Levi who was now sat in a ball on the floor, shaking.

He knew what was happening: Levi had got himself worked up, which triggered his anxiety. His therapist was working on this with him, helping him learn to not overthink or let negative thoughts drown his mind, but whatever was bothering his boyfriend had clearly let lose. The blonde man crouched beside a shaking Levi, careful not to touch him.

“Breathe Levi, one deep breath in and hold it.” Levi tried to do what Erwin had asked of him, and after a few very shaken breathes he managed to hold it and let it release. This took place multiple times, his form slowly seeming less tense. When the attack was over, the heavy body collapsed into his boyfriends.

He wrapped arms around Erwin’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss; perhaps for reassurance to Levi that Erwin was still there, that he hadn’t actually left yet. He pressed into him in the grass for a few minutes before realising he was sat on dirt. His face turned into a scowl, sitting up and brushing at his bum and knees with his hands.

Erwin took this as a sign that their journey to Mitras was safe to continue, and so also stood and wiped dirt dust from himself. Once seated inside the cool car, hand sanitiser was shared between the couple before they buckled in and set off again in the direction of the large city a silence between them.

Levi decided not to speak first, he knew Erwin would be wondering what had triggered him after so long, but he didn’t want to have to start the conversation. Luckily for him, Erwin did – he pressed Levi for the first time in a while, his eyes not losing connection with the road as he drove forward.

“Levi, what’s going on?” Erwin asked. Levi was still contemplating how to word it without sounding either pathetic or clinging. “Is it exams? Are they getting to you?”

“No, it’s not them. Well, uh, it’s sort of it. But not properly. I’m just worried.”

“And what are you worried about, Levi?” Erwin had put on his ‘dad’ voice, sounding both calm and kind, yet very mature at the same time. Levi liked it when he spoke to him like this.

“You.”

Erwin furrowed his brows into his face more, still not looking at his boyfriend. “Me? You don’t need to worry about me.”

“No, us. University. Erwin it’s miles away, look we’re only a quarter of the way there and we’ve been in the car for about forty minutes.” He sighed angrily; he didn’t want to talk about it with Erwin, he didn’t want to make him not go follow his dream, but he needed to let it out.

“Levi,” Erwin groaned, “you don’t need to worry about us. I’ve already said that we’ll make this work, it’s not going to be hard. We’ll just be messaging a lot more, and I’ll be coming home all the time. You can come up here too. It’s fine.”

“You keep saying that.”

“That’s because it’s true! Honestly, we’ve known each other for ten years it’s not going to be easy to get rid of me.”

“Yeah.” Levi grumbled, pulling his knees into his chest ensuring his shoes were off when he did so, so the seat wouldn’t get mucky.

“Levi I love you and I’ll do whatever we need to make this work. If it’s too hard, I’ll move home. I’d rather give up a degree than give up you.”

Levi looked angry at the comment; whilst he appreciated the sentiment he wouldn’t want Erwin to stop doing what he loved for him, so instead he didn’t say anything but just nodded in agreement. The car fell silent again, until Erwin pulled into another grassy verge a few seconds later.

“What you doing?” Levi said, confused. But Erwin stopped his mouth by leaning over the centre of the car and placing a soft kiss on Levi’s lips. Levi took the kiss back, slightly parting his mouth and moving closer to his boyfriend. Arms wrapped around one another, and they sat in the grassy ditch kissing for a while before setting off again in the direction of Mitras, the panic and worry gone and nothing by contentment felt by both the men. It was surprising how much just holding each other helped Levi, but it did and he wasn't going to complain.

As soon as they pulled up in the hotel car park, they both got their bags from the boots and headed inside to check in. The room they were brought to was large and homely; a large double bed, a table with a kettle and refreshments on it. There was a sofa in the centre of the room facing a TV, and a bathroom just off from the bed with a bath inside.

The luggage and left over food were placed neatly on the table, whilst Erwin flopped backwards onto the sofa and Levi frantically began to unpack both their bags and put clothes in their respective places. The drive took almost four hours to get to Mitras, mainly because there was a few stops on the way to get coffee – but Levi wasn’t going to think about it, not while they were having a weekend away.

“So, Levi. What would you like to do first?” Erwin asked leaning over the back of the sofa to look at his boyfriend, as Levi folded the last of their tops into a drawer.

“You choose.”

“Well, would you like to go for a shop and a wander first? It’s past lunchtime, perhaps we could go to a bakery and pick up a snack before we go out for a meal at the Titans Arms this evening.”

“Yeah, sure.” Levi replied, straightening up from being crouched on the floor and putting his boots back on. Erwin, realising the sudden desire to leave from his boyfriend, also stood up and slid his shoes back on leaving the hotel room and heading out into the large city.

Mitras was not as beautiful as Levi had remembered when he was a small kid.

When he was small, everything looked large and glamourous. The old brick that was the shops and buildings shone in the light, the products glistened: old market stalls on the streets were traditional and sold interesting things, the smell of fresh bread and sweets was what plagued Levi’s memories, but he didn’t see it like that anyone. Instead he saw corroded, old, heavy brick crumbling at corners. On almost every street corner there was a homeless person, begging for money or food. The shops were full of unnecessary stuff he wouldn’t be able to afford. The fact that the city would represent the parting of his boyfriend was making it seem even gloomier than it naturally was.

Erwin could also sense that Levi wasn’t as impressed as he had hoped, maybe due to the scowl that was on his face the entire time they walked around the streets near the hotel.

“Shall we go into the main shopping centre, Levi? It might be a tad nicer in there.”

“Sounds good. It’s filthy out here.”

Erwin nodded, and grabbed his boyfriend’s hand leading them both into the large, old building converted into a shopping centre. Inside were the usual clothes shops, shoe shops, food shops that they had back home. The two walked in and out of each in silence holding hands, not buying anything but instead just browsing.

Once they passed the large Mitras University shop selling hoodies and guides for new starts in the next few months, Erwin walked inside to browse whilst Levi waited outside leaning against the wall and looking extremely disinterested. That was, however, until someone caught his eye. Someone he remembered from his childhood, and it was clear they noticed him too as they directed their footsteps towards the dark haired boy.

“Levi?” They asked, hesitantly as they approached. Levi kept his brows furrowed, trying to read who the person was. It was only when they got closer that he realised.

“Jan?” He replied, almost in disbelief. The last time he’d seen this person was when he was a kid, when Jan wasn’t much older than himself. He was a friend of Farlan’s, and used to hang around with them when Kenny sent them out to steal or fight.

As the man approached, he stopped in front of Levi a large smile on his face.

“What are you doing here in Mitras?! It’s been so long! How have you been?!” Jans presence was very excitable, and very much like Isabel’s. Just him being there brought up ghosts from the past, ghosts he was trying to avoid.

“Yeah it’s been about eleven years now. Alright. Weekend break.” Levi tried to answer in as few words as possible, wanting to talk to his old friend but also not wanting to reveal too much. He knew that the mention of his old friends would creep up sooner or later, and so the briefer the conversation the less likely it would be mentioned.

“Ah I see, who are you with? You back with your mum now? I heard Kenny’s still in prison.”

“Yeah back with mum. I don’t give a fuck about Kenny.” Levi grumbled, growing agigated at the constant questions.

“Well, I’m glad you’re safe again. Are you at uni yet?! I’m about to graduate from Mitras in medicine.”

“No. Your leg better now?” Levi briefly recalled Jan suffering with a bad leg when he was younger, and remembered many operations that Jan had to go to before being taken away from his friends and moved to a hospital in the capital. Judging by the fact there was no crutches, he safely assumed Jan was better, but wanted to ask to deter the conversation from him.

“Oh yeah, how old you now? You're eighteen, right? That means you can go to college after this summer! You made any plans for it? Who are you having your weekend break with? And yeah thank you, it got fully healed when I was about thirteen so I’m back to me now.”

Levi couldn't keep up with the excited man before him, the questions firing out at all angles. “Don't know if I am going to college yet, no plans.” Levi crossed his arms frustrated just as Erwin left the shop. He was about to open his mouth and show him what he bought when he was caught by the attention of a stranger standing over Levi, quite close – Levi hadn’t noticed Jan’s position, to be honest.

But Erwin being Erwin put a very protective arm around his boyfriend, almost blocking Jan from getting too close to him. Levi just tutted in annoyance, not at Erwin, but the situation as a whole.

“And who is this, Levi?” Erwin asked, trying to maintain a polite tone, a gentle smile on his face.

“Jan. Farlan’s old friend.” Erwin looked at his boyfriend for any sign of emotion, but upon seeing nothing decided to look up and introduce himself to Jan. The latter in return introduced himself, adding he was very close to Levi when they were younger. Levi rolled his eyes, not recalling this apparent friendship.

“Well, I’ll leave you two to it then. Enjoy your weekend break! Levi, give me a call or text whenever you want!” Jan said, passing his number to Levi on a piece of paper before skipping in an opposite direction trying to find the people he was shopping with. As soon as he was out of sight, Levi let his stiff body relax.

“Everything okay Levi?”

“Yeah. Wasn’t expecting to see him here, that’s all.”

Erwin nodded understandingly, and decided to leave the things he bought at the shop for a later date. He could sense that Levi had already got himself angry over Jan, and didn’t want to throw the future into the mix to make him even more annoyed.

Instead, the tall blonde suggested heading back to the hotel and getting ready for their meal at the Titans Arms. He was hoping that the food would help pick Levi up a little bit, since he seemed so distant and upset the entire time. He knew he wasn’t doing it in an ungrateful manner to what his mother had bought him for his eighteenth, but the angry atmosphere was disconcerting.

They both decided to dress up relatively smart for their evening out: Levi wearing a dark shirt, dark trousers, his new boots and cravat to match. Erwin had got his bolo tie tightly around his neck, a crisp white shirt and some dark pants too. Once ready and happy with how they looked, hand in hand they walked to the restaurant from Levi’s childhood.

For the first time that day, Levi seemed impressed by the new surroundings. The place they were eating was spotless and decorated tastefully, with candles dotted on every table and posh velvet chairs seated around them. There was still the original bar and pub to the front of the building, highlighting the traditional sides that Levi remembered slightly from peeking in windows, but the rest was clearly demonstrating that it was a five star restaurant. The two boys got seated at a small, secluded table by a roaring fire.

The menus were passed to them, and the waiter poured water into glasses before walking away to give them time to decide what to get. They decided on a shared starter of bruschetta, and Erwin ordered the stone baked, large vegetable pizza for his main. Levi ordered a spaghetti dish with fresh vegetables mixed into the pasta. For dessert, a chocolate fondant was shared with marshmallows, fruits, and chocolate biscuits.

By the time the table was emptied of food, the pair were absolutely stuffed and Levi appeared a lot more content than he had done earlier that day, and the worries seemed to have washed off his face, making Erwin smile in relief.

“You enjoy that then, Levi?” He asked, politely.

“It was so good. I’m glad I finally got to eat in here.” He replied, getting the voucher from his wallet and placing it on the table. "Used to always peek in here with Farlan and Isabel when we were kids. Once tried to save up enough money to eat something here between the three of us, but when Kenny found out he told us not to waste our money on something so pointless." Levi frowned at the memory.

"I'm glad you've finally got to eat here then, Levi. Years on and you managed to afford a full three course meal: I'm sure Farlan and Isabel would be looking on, chuffed for you. and I'm honoured I got to share this experience with you.” Erwin offered his trademark smile, and Levi subtly kicked him jokingly under the table, softly smiling back at his boyfriend. “Tomorrow instead of exploring more of Mitras, shall we spend the morning in the spa before heading back home? I know the city isn’t what you expected it to be.”

“Yeah, sure I guess. Don’t you wanna see it? You’re the one who will be living here.” Levi replied, the smile he had turning down into a frown again.

“I have time to explore it at a later date with my parents. For now, this weekend is about you so we will do what you’d like.”

“Then spa, yeah.” Levi concluded, as the waiter collected the voucher from the table and the two boys stood up and left the building, walking hand in hand back to the hotel room. Mitras was a lot prettier in the evening, masking the disgust and muck noticed earlier that day: instead the street lamps extenuated the carvings in the old brick, and fairy lights dotted along the side of some buildings made the place seem a lot more magical.

Once back in the safety of the hotel room, the door was locked and the two descended into the bath decided to sooth their sore bellies from the food they’d consumed. The bath was filled with rich bubbles offered by the hotel, and Erwin lit some candles along the side of the water. Levi collapsed into the warmth, basking in the heat and they laid there, silent for a long time. Both were aware this was the last romantic break they’d be able to have away together for a while; with exams, and starting art college for Levi and Mitras University for Erwin, they’d both be too caught up in their new lives to enjoy moments like this. They were both thinking this, and so decided silence was the best option.

Once the bath water was growing tepid, the couple collapsed back onto the bed and switched the TV on, putting some rubbish film in the background whilst they both enjoyed a glass of elderflower juice and some chocolates they'd brought on the journey with them. The boyfriends laughed and joking, smiling at each other, snuggling up to one another. It felt amazing to just be alone in their own little room, and Levi couldn't help his mind drifting off to think what it would be like when they lived together one day.

It turned late, and they found themselves joined together when the film got boring. They kissed until their lips were swollen, their cheeks red, their bodies excited. Levi quickly dashed up and blew candles out, drew curtains, turned lights off then climbed under the covers to join his boyfriend, continuing their actions from earlier on. They snuggled up afterwards, clinging closely to each other - enjoy one another. 

By the time morning rolled around, they had both slept in far too late to have time to enjoy the spa together for a full day event, and instead opted to just enjoy a swim and then the sauna, followed by a very quick back massage to relieve tensions. It took Levi a lot of convincing to let someone he didn’t know touch his body, but Erwin calmed him down and he actually found himself enjoying the massage much to his surprise: it was nice to have a double room treatment with his boyfriend, so they could look or talk to each other as the massage took place.

The few hours enjoyed at the spa seemed to pass by quickly, and unfortunately the men had to check out of the hotel soon after. But instead of rushing off home, they decided to wander up to the nearby park to sit under a tree in the shade, and enjoy the remaining chocolates and food they didn't manage to eat the evening before. Their thigh's pressed together, and Erwin wrapped a protective arm around his boyfriend, pulling him close despite the heat from the summer sun.

“I have enjoyed this weekend in Mitras with you, Levi. Hopefully it is the first of many to come.”

“Yeah, hopefully.” Levi responded, clearly quite disheartened.

"I'm really sorry that Mitras isn't the beautiful city you remembered it to be when you were younger. It seems that childhood expectations just dwindle the older you get."

Levi shrugged. "You don't need to apologise, you didn't make the city. Not your fault."

Erwin smiled at that, pressing a kiss onto the smaller man's hair. “I love you Levi.”

“Do you?” Levi responded, it coming out more harshly than he originally had planned.

“Of course I do. I always have, I’ve told you a million times.” Erwin replied, slightly confused at the sudden question from Levi.

Levi paused in silence for a second, before leaning up to kiss his boyfriend, melting into him. “I love you too.” He mumbled, and Erwin wrapped his arms around him, enjoying their last few moments in the city before heading to the car and setting off on the very long journey home. Levi was quiet on their journey, still watching the sat nav as they approached his flat - the timing long, the distance extremely far. He tried not to be too disheartened, but the whole weekend wasn't quite what he expected and he hardly felt relaxed before his exams, and instead just felt broken: Mitras appearing nothing but a disappointing, crushing childhood dream.

That night Levi tucked himself under the covers, wrapping them over his head and curling up into a ball under the protective layer of fabric. _We'll be okay, it's me and Erwin. It's not that far. It's not half way across the world, just the country_. Eventually his small mind managed to distance from the negativity, and he managed to drift off feeling the promise ring on his finger - Erwin would never leave him, they'd keep together. It would be fine.


	21. Start of a new Page

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time creeps up quickly on everyone, before the friendship group all have to part ways for University. It's a lot harder on everyone than originally thought.

After the relaxing weekend of the joyous dance, it was serious time. It was all hard work and no time for play: mock exams, revision sessions, cram revision. Even Levi had realised that now he had to knuckle down, and attending revision sessions with Petra who was struggling in the same things he was.

Through the next month he didn’t get to see Erwin on a weekend: revision sessions took place on Saturdays, as did catch up sessions from days missed of school which Levi almost always had to go to. It seemed like every day was a cycle of essays or math questions, and when it finally reached Sunday everyone was too exhausted to do anything and instead spent the day in bed or with their families.

When the week before exams crept round, it was almost dangerous to be around anyone. Everyone was stressed and snapping, particularly people whose colleges had set high grades to be able to be accepted, or people like Nile who needed to revise and work hard to get to a good school.

Nile still hadn’t contacted Mike, Erwin, or Levi about what he said at the dance. Frankly, neither of the three wanted him to. It also seemed that Marie was trying to distance herself from him too, but no one wanted to say anything in case it was wrong as she too was just stressed considering the current situation.

It was two days before the exams began that Levi sent his application off. He applied to a local art school so he could still stay at home with his mum, but go into college two days a week to practice art. He wasn’t sure where it’d lead him, but least it gave him something to do after school other than just look for a job for ages.

But the late application also heightened Levi’s anxiety: now he had an aim, he had to reach the grades the school had set for him. He needed at least two A’s to get in, and a pass in everything else. He’d already received a distinction in his art coursework so that was a pass, but it was everything else that was causing him to worry.

Throughout the exam month, his panic had increased and now Levi had to see his therapist twice a week, as a break from the work load he’d put on himself since leaving it last minute, and also due to the panic attacks he’d suffered regarding his boyfriend. He hadn’t brought Erwin along to his recent sessions, simply because he was too busy, but Levi felt comfortable enough to talk without him there anyway when it was just about school problems.

The panic tended to be in a night more than when he was awake, and Kuchel had often had to walk into his room in the early hours when she awoke to her son’s harsh breathing or hurt cries. Twice she walked in on vivid nightmares, where Levi was laid in the bed screaming out for Isabel or Farlan. Because of this, she tried to talk Levi out of doing exams and graduating this year but he’d come so far that he ignored her request and was pushing through it.

Since Erwin and Hange both had unconditional offers, after they learnt enough to get a good grade they began to help the rest of their friends revise for their exams. Hange helped Levi with science, as it was the worst of his subjects, whilst Erwin helped Petra with a poem she wasn’t understanding for English Literature. Soon enough, the exam days rolled around.

It seemed like a complete blur to Levi: he woke up, sat two exams, then went home and revised for the ones the day after. It was a continuous cycle for a week and a half, until all his exams had finally finished. On the last day, everyone walked from the school leaping and shouting excitedly that they’d finally finished High School.

After it was simply a waiting game: a waiting game for results, for university or college acceptance, for saying bye to friends and family, for graduation.

In the few weeks that the group had before the results came through, Levi and Erwin spent the entire time together. Levi had packed a large suitcase and moved to Erwin’s for a fortnight, as Erwin wanted to be around both Levi and his family. It had taken a lot of persuasion, but since Levi was staying home no matter what he agreed – it would be a lot longer before Erwin was able to see his family again once he left at the end of summer.

In the time they spent living together, they made up for their time spent away over the revision weeks. There was a lot of sex, a lot of kissing and cuddling. They watched loads of TV, films, played games. Mr and Mrs Smith allowed Levi and Erwin to sleep in the same room as they soon would have to part ways for college. And of course, they took this to their full advantage.

Time was going too quickly for Levi’s liking though: he wanted it to go slow so he could savour every moment with his boyfriend. He really wasn’t ready for him to move away yet, as Erwin was such a large part of his life. They’ve been friends since they were both eight, and since then they were never truly apart. The thought of not having him around the corner was killing Levi inside, but he wasn’t letting it show and tried his best to get excited for his boyfriend.

Mr and Mrs Smith took the boys to a cheap furniture shop to get Erwin’s student flat fitted out. They agreed to pay his rent for a private apartment with a parking spot, rather than putting him in student halls. Erwin offered numerous times to pay his own way and live in student blocks, but his parents didn’t want it. So instead they got an unfurnished apartment for him, and needed to furnish it with essentials.

Levi followed the three around the shop, trailing behind, and heart heavy. Erwin was so excited about everything – getting excited when he picked a bed, TV stand, table, desk, and sofa. It was eating away at Levi, who simply watched on sadly. Erwin was so giddy to be moving away, yet Levi felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. It was too hard on him.

Instead of staying over for the last weekend of their two weeks together, after the shopping trip Levi decided he needed to go home and see Kuchel. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle it all, his anxiety slowly budding over. He’d stopped visits to his therapist as soon as school finished as they were with school, so they too had left. He’d been okay until this past week, when reality crept over that he was getting abandoned.

Erwin had offered to drive him home but Levi refused, instead choosing to drag his large suitcase from Erwin’s house to his home, where he walked straight to his mother and rested his tried head in her lap. She didn’t even need to guess what was wrong; instead she remained silent and stroked her sons’ hair carefully, as small tears fell from his eyes.

After that day he decided to have a week away from his boyfriend before the results came out, and Kuchel took the week off too. To help cheer him up, they went on a day trip to an old castle, they went shopping for new art supplies, and she took him to the cinema. They had a full week of mother-son bonding like they used to when he was younger.

Erwin texted Levi daily, rang him all the time. And each time, Levi responded and answered excited when his phone buzzed. And towards the end of the week, he was feeling a bit better about the situation. His mum had made him realise that Erwin was still going to put in the effort when he was away, helping his panic calm. So the weekend before the results were realised, Erwin stayed with Levi at his house doing what they used to do: games with Kuchel, they ate pancakes every morning for breakfast, and even made each other’s favourite pizzas like they did on their first date.

It was a perfect way to spend a last weekend together before their small lives would be changed forever, either for the better or the worse.

Monday morning crept around exceedingly quickly, meaning the results were to be released. Everyone was to go to school to pick them up from the library, and Erwin was coming to pick up Levi, Petra, and Hange. They decided it was best the four stuck together since everyone was in very similar situations.

Nervously they walked to the front desk and took their named envelope, everyone very silent: the air of the room was tense and heavy, students already there crying with both joy and sorrow upon seeing what they got in exams. There were pupils already at the resit desks, and people going through clearing to find a university of their choice.

Erwin and Hange were the first to open their results, since it didn’t properly matter what they got. Much to no ones’ surprise, both came out with a full set of A* results – nothing lower than the best. The school took photos of them both beaming at their grades, the local paper too got an interview with the two smartest pupils of the year.

Levi and Petra were pushed to the side as everyone swarmed the smart kids, and they both sat in a sofa in the library not bothering to open their results.

“How do you think you’ve done?” Petra asked Levi, a nervous twinge in her voice.

“Knowing me, shit.” Levi replied, seemingly disheartened.

“Shall I go first?” Petra asked, taking Levi’s hand in her own. Due to the circumstances, Levi didn’t flinch or pull away and let his best friend old him. He nodded in response to her question as she removed her hand and ripped open the results.

“What you get?” Levi asked, trying to maintain his curiosity of nosing over the top of her paper.

“Levi, I’ve passed everything!” Petra exclaimed, her voice breaking as she did so, “I got 6 A’s too! I’m into the college!” She wrapped her arms around Levi, who tentatively did the same to her, congratulating her. “You open yours now, Levi!”

He nodded, looking around once again for Erwin who was already too caught up in his own life to pay attention to him. Sighing, he opened the envelop revealing his, and he hadn’t done as badly as thought. C in both Science and Maths, A in English, A* in Food Technology, and B’s in the rest. He held the form out for Petra to look at.

“Wow Levi that’s amazing! I’m so proud of you! You got into Art College too! Look at both of us, college students now!” Petra joked, smiling as a soft tear fell down her cheek. Levi let out a sigh of relief, before standing up. He tried to catch Erwin’s attention again, but nothing, so he walked off and headed home to show someone who would care instead.

As soon as he walked through the front door, he noticed Kuchel had baked him a cake and put ‘congratulations’ balloons around the front room. She stood in the kitchen, waiting anxiously for her son to show her his results. He did so almost immediately, putting the piece of paper firmly on the counter.

“I’m into Art College mum, I’ve done it. I’ve finished school.” Levi said, his voice almost showing a hint of excitement as he announced the fact. She quickly dashed round the front of the counter and threw her arms around her son tightly and protectively, “Levi, I am so, so proud.” Kuchel kept repeating it into his ear like a mantra, before releasing him and the two took a seat by the cake, taking a slice each.

“Where’s Erwin?” Kuchel asked, suddenly realising the lack of a very prominent presence that was usually in whatever room Levi was in.

“Still at school.”

“And what did he say about your amazing results?! I bet he’s so proud!” She exclaimed.

“He doesn’t know. Too busy with his own life, apparently.” Levi mumbled, stabbing his cake harshly with his spoon. “If he’s fucking ignoring me already, this isn’t going to work out.”

“Levi honey, he was probably too excited about him leaving for University and his results today. He has worked extremely hard these past few months, I’m sure he’ll come round soon to find out what you got.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Levi moaned, pushing away from the table and heading to his room. He really wanted to enjoy his results, but couldn’t since his boyfriend was too busy to celebrate with him despite how hard he worked. The thought of Erwin just blanking him at school angered him, and he sat looking out of his bedroom window with a very stern face.

A few hours later, Erwin had come round. Levi was not exactly happy with him, and refused to leave his bedroom upon hearing the other man’s arrival.

“Levi? Erwin’s here.” Kuchel called through the closed door. Levi didn’t respond, and instead got a book and tried to make himself as disinterested in his partner as he possibly could. He sat laid on the bed, legs crossed, pretending to read.

Slowly the door opened and Kuchel and Erwin walked inside together, sitting down beside Levi on his bed.

“He’s come to share his results with you, Levi.” Kuchel said, voice very steady and slow. She knew how annoyed Levi was at his boyfriend and frankly too was irritated that he hadn’t even congratulated or asked Levi about results yet.

“I don’t give a shit what Mr Perfect got.” Levi replied, mockingly. Erwin sighed.

“Levi I’m sorry I couldn’t come talk to you at school, everyone hounded me about my exam results. I only just managed to get away from everyone who was trying to interview me to put me in the local papers. I tried to get away, I really did.”

“There he goes again, Mr Perfect gets his fucking perfect results in the papers too. Who gives a shit about an average person getting into college?” Levi sat up, announcing the sentence in a laugh of sorts, very sarcastic nonetheless. Kuchel looked at Levi with a disapproving yet understanding face.

“I care what you got Levi. And you’re not an average person, not at all.” Erwin tried to argue back.

“Levi it’s a very stressful day for a lot of people, I’m sure Erwin didn’t mean to be swept away by the mass of teachers. He just got extremely and rarely high results, as did Hange.”

“Yeah Levi, honestly I’d have come straight to you if I could. I’m sorry.”

His back turned to the two, Levi looked on ahead at his wall of photos above his desk. He knew he was being petty, but at the moment Levi was feeling very needy - he wanted Erwin to show him full attention all the time, he didn't want him to celebrate the fact he was moving away. Sighing, and thinking over what Erwin said, he decided to forgive him for the mishap at school and look past the fact he was ignored on an equally important day for him. But obviously, Levi wouldn’t announce someone was forgiven out loud and instead turned back to face his boyfriend, putting his own results into Erwin’s hands.

Erwin took the thin piece of paper and read over Levi’s exam results, a very large smile on his face as he did so.

“Levi, I’m so proud. These are amazing!”

Kuchel too was smiling again at this point, realising the tension in the room was slowly passing away and Levi had clearly got over the argument from just a few minutes ago.

“Thanks. I got into Art College too.” He mumbled out, and was interrupted by a big blonde throwing arms around him, pulling him into a very tight squeeze.

“That’s incredible Levi. You deserve that so much.”

Kuchel slowly patted Erwin on the back before getting up and leaving the bedroom, ensuring the door was shut behind her, before she could finally head to the living room and relax after what had been one of her most stressful days in her parenting career.

Levi and Erwin stayed hugging on the bed for a while longer, before pulling away and laying down beside each other.

“Well, I guess this is it then Levi. The end of High School.” Erwin said, arm resting behind his head on the pillow.

“Yup. Now welcome to the adult life of shit, shit and even more shit.”

“Hey, we still have three years of being students left. Don’t rush us into adulating so quickly.” Erwin laughed, “and besides, it might not been so bad being an official grown up I suppose.”

“Whatever you say, Mr Perfect.” Levi teased, rolling onto his side and smiling at his boyfriend mischievously.

“Don’t call me that, I’m not perfect.” Erwin grumbled, too turning to face Levi.

“It’s true though.”

“It’s not! I do things that aren’t perfect!”

“Yeah, but when you do they’re usually because of me.”

“Very true, Levi.”

“Told you so, Mr Perfect.”

The two smiled and melted into each other’s lips, savouring the last kisses they’d share after visiting school. From now on, it was spending weeks together before they both parted ways, and spending time with their friends before they also went off to study in other areas all over the country.

*****

Everyone decided to meet at their usual milkshake café the week before everyone parted ways, since they had spent so much time there throughout the year. It was the last night in town for Hange, as they were leaving slightly earlier to set up in their halls and relax into the University.

Each couple sat beside each other, a tension filling the air: no one seemed happy, apart from Mike and Nanaba who weren’t going to have to separate by the end of the week. No one drunk their milkshakes, and instead the table took it in turns to look towards each other.

“Look, it’s my last night so I have a few things to say to each of you, if that’s okay.” Hange began, causing everyone to stir slightly in their seats. Petra looked up at their partner with loving eyes.

“Firsty, Nanaba. Hi.”

“Hi.” Nanaba responded, a bit of joy heard in her voice.

“At first we didn’t really know you that well, and no one was entirely sure how you’d fit into our little misfit group of friends since we’ve known each other since middle school, but you fit right in. This group of friends would be nothing without you, you’re literally the person that seems to keep the calm and hold us all together when everything is going wrong. You deserve Mike, you both deserve to have somewhere to call your own and to spend the rest of your lives in. So basically, Nan, I’m just trying to say that I’m glad I’ve got to know you this past year.”

“Me too, Hange. You’re the most innovative, unique person I know and I’m proud to call you a best friend.”

Nanaba stood up from her seat and wrapped loving arms around Hange, who too returned the gesture and they cuddled for a few seconds before returning to their seats. Nanaba looked slightly teary now upon Hange’s words, but managed to hold it together. Hange, on the other hand, was smiling enjoying everyone’s attention on them.

“Next. Mike. You’re up.” They began, “You have been one of the strongest and nicest people I’ve known literally half my life now. You’re so strong and tough but under the front you are a pure cinnamon roll. You’re wonderful, caring, and kind. You offer nothing but support to all your friends, and half of us wouldn’t be who we are today without a special Mike in our lives. Thank you for always being my buddy, and for always looking out for every one of us. High school would have been so much worse without you there.”

“Hey, thanks Hange. You too, never met someone as amazing as you to be honest. You’re going to do ace at your new school. Can actually practice more experiments than you can back home.”

Hange laughed at that, eyes gleaming. It was obvious they were extremely excited about what they were going to do at college, and weren’t too phased about their lives here. Well, a bit anyway.

“Okay, okay I don’t have long and I have three speeches left to make. I am leaving in 10 minutes, off away for a long time in an hour so I need to speed up a bit.”

“No one’s stopping you, Hange. The floor is yours.” Erwin said.

“Ah yes, well Erwin you’re now anyway. So you’re one of the best people I’ve ever met, and I never thought I’d be the one you’d turn to for advice: I always thought it would be the other way round. However, nonetheless you’ve too always been there for me through thick and thin. You welcomed me into your friendship group, you’ve invited me along to all your social parties and events. And frankly I am incredibly happy that you’ve ended up with Levi. God, I could see the sexual tension since middle school and finally, _finally_ you two realised you were meant to be and honestly thank god for that. I’m glad to share the highest results in our schools history with you, Erwin. And I’m so looking forward to spending the next few years with you close by.”

“Hange that is lovely. I too am very excited to have you by my side at college, and also very proud to share my results with you also. You’re a great friend, and the more intellectual person I know.”

“Thanks, Erwin.” Hange beamed, patting his shoulder gently as they decided to continue speeches before they would need to leave.

“Now for my best friend and favourite human being, Levi.”

“You don’t have to, Hange.” Levi grumbled, trying to look relaxed by crossing his arms and leaning back on his seat, causing it to knock onto two legs. Erwin, ever the worrier, immediately put his arm behind the seat to stop it from falling backwards and to stop his boyfriend hurting himself.

“I do have to. Now let me speak. Well, Levi as you know you were always grumpy with me throughout our entire friendship but I managed to wiggle past all that angst and meet the real you. You’re incredible, Levi. No one might realise it, but you hand on heart are the bravest and strongest man I know. Shit, you’ve been through quite a lot and half of it I don’t even know but look at you still smiling here today. You’ve had a lot thrown at you through both middle and high school, yet as a person you’ve not faltered or changed at all. You’re still the person you were at the start, but even stronger like I said before.

I’m so touched that you’re my best friend. I’m touched that you trusted me to keep your relationship secret even though I sort of didn’t do that very well, I’m touched that you came to me for advice for dates, that you came to me when you felt panicked or anxious and no one else was available. I’m honoured to call Levi my friend, and I’m sure everyone on this table would agree.

You’re humanity’s strongest leaving our school: a very small, very cute, very angry man who has kept strong through all the losses in your life. Levi Ackerman, I hope we remain best friends forever and ever, and we talk all the time at university because I want to share my experiments with you, and I also want to be the most prominent guest at your wedding. So don’t forget me.”

“I’d never forget you, Hange.” Levi replied, eyes staring ahead trying to focus as to not let his emotions show. It meant a hell of a lot to him that Hange had said such nice things about him, and even more that everyone too nodded in unison with Hange’s speech. Looking across the table, everyone was smiling towards him and he was about to smile back until his very excitable friend began to ruffle his hair so he ducked out of the way as quick as possible.

“See, you’ve not changed.” Hange laughed, and everyone else joined in.

“Now, I still have Petra’s speech to make but as we are going now otherwise my dad will kill me, I’m going to put it into one basic sentence.” Hange then leant down to whisper something into Petra’s ear about telling her when they were in a private space, “Petra Ral. You are the love of my life.”

With that Petra stood up and took Hange’s hand in theirs, before the former decided it was time to end the speech and head off for their new life.

“It has been an honour to spend my troublesome teens with you all, onwards and upwards to the future folks! Look out for me inventing something that’ll save us all, but keep in touch. I love you all!”

“Good luck Hange, we love you.” Echoed from the table as the couple left the door, and instantly everyone deflated. It was happening, the change, the leaving: it was starting now. Petra obviously would be coming back, but the group already felt empty without everyone sat around it.

“Well, buddy it’s probably the last time me and Nan will see you too before you head off to college. We move into our flat tomorrow, so are going to be having a very mad week.” Mike began, looking at Erwin.

“Oh, wow? So this is our good bye as well?” Erwin said. Levi felt him tense beside him, and the blonde’s eyes looked very blue and shimmery.

“It seems so.” Nanaba replied. She looked at her boyfriend who then stood up and walked over to Erwin who proceeded in the action too, and before they knew it the two were wrapped around each other, holding one another tightly.

Levi and Nan looked on at the pair who had been best friends since they were pretty much born. It was a big move for them to be separated after seeing each other at least five days a week for the past fifteen or so years.

Once separated, both Erwin and Mike cried slightly. They didn’t really need to say anything to each other as they both took their seats again, comforted by their partners.

“Promise you’ll keep in touch though, yeah?” Mike sniffled.

“Obviously.” Erwin smiled through his tears, smiling towards the mousy brown haired man.

“You too Levi. I know you’ll only be around the corner but no excuses. You’re one of my best mates too, easily. You have been since I met you when you were eight.”

“Yeah I promise.” Levi replied, nodding on at Mike who smiled. Levi then smiled back at his friend, before Mike and Nanaba decided to head off.

“Well, good luck in Mitras Erwin. You’ll be incredible, you always are. And you too, Levi. You’ll ace through Art College with your talent.”

“Thanks, Mike. Good luck to you and Nanaba in your own home together. We’ll definitely come and visit together when you’re both settled in properly. And please keep your eye on Levi whilst he’s up here by himself.”

“Oi.” Levi replied, a frown on his face. Erwin merely smiled it off.

“I promise. See you guys in October?”

“Yeah. Hopefully. Bye Mike, Nanaba.”

The couple then left the shop leaving the blonde and black haired men alone at the table with half full milkshakes. After sitting in silence, Erwin collected himself and took Levi’s hand, leading him to the car to drive home together: he was going to be the hardest one to say bye to, and it was going to take a lot longer than just a few speeches in the milkshake bar.

In fact, it took the whole week for them to say bye. Cuddles on the sofa, films in bed, shared baths, private dinners, dinners with the others family. Sex, a lot of sex. And even when the Sunday of leaving came around, neither of them were ready. Despite the excitement, no one was ready to let go.

Kuchel and Levi were gathered at the Smith’s household, helping load a small van with Erwin’s belongings and new furniture. Mrs Smith was running around in the kitchen getting a food hamper ready for her son to take with him to his new house. Erwin was helping his father load things into the back of the van, whilst Kuchel stood quietly beside Levi stroking his arm calmly. Her son was just watching the movement around him, trying to take himself out of the picture.

“It’ll be okay, Levi. I promise.” She whispered to him, and he just nodded and carried on looking ahead. He found it helped distract him from the reality of what was happening: the reality that the person that held him together was moving far, far away.

The van doors slammed shut causing Levi to twitch slightly.

“We’re all loaded up! Get your shoes and coats on everyone, we’re about to be setting off.” Mr Smith called out, and everyone did as they was told.

Erwin grabbed Levi’s hand and led him up to his room to help double check he’d got everything he’d need with him: the whole space looked sparse and empty, book shelves half full, the wardrobe bare, the bed without a sheet, no desk, computer, or TV. Even the living space felt bare without things dotted on the petite coffee table. Levi just looked down at his toes and wiggled them in his socks to focus his mind on something else.

The door shut behind them as Erwin took Levi into a tight embrace, squeezing him as much as possible. That’s when Levi gave in, wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and let out a wail. Erwin also began to cry into his boyfriends’ hair; quietly at first, but then he too started crying – properly crying. He continued to hold Levi as hard as he possibly could, each pull in causing Levi to cry a bit more.

The pair collapsed onto a heap on the floor, still holding each other tightly and crying into one another. They didn’t realise it was going to be this hard, not at all. But the day had come, and realisation struck, and they figured out and came to their senses about how difficult being separated would truly be.

They cried until there was nothing left – no more water could be shed from their eyes, no more shivers sent down their bodies. Hiccups came over Erwin and he twitched as every one left his body, Levi still wrapped tightly in his arms. But Levi was struggling; not with his usual panic, but just as a whole: he was struggling to see a future without Erwin there every day. Struggling to see how he’d cope without them strong hands guiding him.

The smaller boy crawled out of his lovers grasp and headed to the bathroom where he threw up into the toilet; emotions overflowing from his body. He wretched a few times after, before collapsing backwards leaning against the bath tub. Erwin stood and began to walk over to his boyfriend before a tap sounded on the bedroom door.

“Erwin sweetie? We have to get off now. You’ve been up here for about an hour and we don’t want to hit the traffic on the way to Mitras.”

Erwin gulped, trying to hide the sadness in his voice. As cheerful as he could reply, he shouted “Coming mum, won’t be a minute just need to get a few more things.”

She sighed outside the door, “Okay sweetie. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah it will be. Coming now.”

Erwin headed into the bathroom where Levi was stood at the sink, brushing his teeth and cleaning up. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend before letting him know they had to go, so Levi kissed him quickly, splashing his face with cold water to try and reduce the redness. Erwin realised how puffy his cheeks looked, and did the same. Eventually the couple wandered down the stairs joined together to see all their parents gathered at the cars, waiting for them with loving expressions in their eyes.

“We better be off then, Kuchel if you come with me and my husband in the van then Levi can go with Erwin in his car. We’ll take you and Levi home in that after too, if it’s okay with you.”

“Sounds good. Are you alright, Levi?” Kuchel replied, looking towards her son who was extremely pale. Both Levi and Erwin had very puffy eyes, and he nodded in response before climbing in silence into his boyfriends’ car. Erwin walked around the other side and climbed in quickly, not wanting to talk to anyone and enjoy the last few hours with his boyfriend before they had to be separated.

“How were they when you went upstairs?” Mr Smith asked, a worried expression on his face as he glanced towards his son getting into the car.

“It didn’t sound great, but this is going to be tough for them I suppose. Just need to keep our eyes on Levi I think, over the next few days. Erwin will be alright as he literally starts college and will be distracted tomorrow, but Levi has another few weeks before he starts too. We all know he's not good with being left behind.” Mrs Smith replied, directing it towards both Mr Smith and Kuchel. The other two nodded before climbing into the van and setting off for Mitras. 

*****

As excepted, when Levi got home he collapsed into a mess of emotions. He got angry at first, before collapsing into his mother’s lap and crying into her for most of the night. He felt weak, alone. He wasn’t really sure what to do with himself without a boyfriend or his best friend around the corner anymore. Even Petra wouldn’t be back til the following evening, so he had his mum or no one.

Kuchel stayed there patiently, comforting her son. She stroked his hair from his wet face, rubbed his back softly when he was being sick, tucked him up in bed and sat with him til he managed to fall asleep.

Nights went on like that for a half the week, even though Erwin managed to call and message him daily without fail. Eventually, Levi began to feel a lot better and more himself as time passed and he settled into his new college, managing to make friends and relax back into a routine. The worrying stopped, and he felt a lot better in himself when speaking to Erwin.

Maybe they’d manage to make it through the next three years, despite the distance. Levi definitely felt he’d be able to pull through with regular visits, and Erwin too believed nothing would be able to tear apart their perfect relationship and had big plans for his beautiful future with Levi.


	22. Reunited

“Levi! Have you fully packed everything?” Kuchel shouted through the shut bedroom door, Levi frantically checking over making sure he’d have everything needed for his visit. It was the same bag he'd used for his previous getaway's with Erwin, and slowly was becoming something of a tradition for him. As he heard his mum shout, Levi scanned through the bag making sure he'd picked up the basics for the trip: clean clothes, clean underwear, pajamas, toiletries. He ticked them off in his mental checklist as his hand brushed over each item.

“Mr and Mrs Smith are here Levi! You better be getting off!” Kuchel shouted yet again, tapping on the door for further emphasis. Levi tutted, quickly grabbed his bag and opened the door, appearing into the main room. He was sporting his favourite jumper and a pair of joggers, hoping to have picked something reasonably comfortable for the long journey. As he left the room, with a free hand a scarf and coat were picked up since the weather was beginning to turn autumnal and breezy. 

“Fully packed.” He said, trying not to show how excited he was to be heading to Mitras: the first time he'd see Erwin face to face since they parted ways almost a month ago.

“Good! Mrs Smith said that you’re all getting the train from the city centre since it reduces the length of the journey by almost half, so you’ll be there even faster.” She smiled towards the couple sat in the living room, before pinching her sons cheek with a smile. Kuchel had seen how heard Erwin leaving had been on her son, and was relieved that he was able to visit him for so cheap after a short space of time. The money was tight again in the Ackerman household: Kuchel had to cut her hours down at work due to feeling worn down and stressed - and honestly, the less money and hours was worth the time she'd been able to spend with her son due to it.

“Yes Levi, and don’t feel you have to talk or sit with us the entire journey, however it would be nice to see how things have been for you.” Mrs Smith passed a caring smile towards the man. He'd always had a soft spot for her, and thought her general chatty conversation would make the journey go faster anyway.

“Thanks. Will catch you up on college.” Levi replied, before reaching up and giving Kuchel a small kiss on her cheek. Despite the fact he was eighteen now and probably finished growing, Kuchel was still slightly taller than him. She wrapped an arm around him, pulling him into a squeeze and whispering to him to stay safe. Subtly he nodded into her chest, before turning to face his boyfriends family.

“Right! Let’s get off.” Mr Smith stood up tall, stretching before heading to put his cup back in the kitchen. They had arrived early at Kuchel's house, so she had made them both a cup of tea to keep them going whilst Levi finished getting ready. Erwin’s mother did the same, and they all bid their farewells to Levi's mother before the three attending Mitras walked over to the car, Levi looking up one last time to wave at his mum who was also stood at the doorway waving down.

Everyone took their seats in the car ready to jet off to see Erwin. He'd only been at University for just less than a month, but everyone was eager to see how he was settling in and finding the course. From what he'd told Mrs Smith over the phone, he also desperately needed a visit from his boyfriend as he was feeling lost and lonely without having him by his side. Levi felt the same, but neither had admitted it to the other and just their parents knew. Mrs Smith made the effort of turning to face Levi in the back, smiling at him with a grin.

The Smith family car pulled into the train station car park in less than twenty minutes after setting off. Once a parking space was found, everyone departed from the comfort grabbing their bags on the way. Mrs Smith passed everyone their train tickets as they walked to the screens to find out which train platform they were on. As soon as the train was located, the three picked their bags back up and resumed on the journey to their seats. Levi's heart was beating hard in his chest. _Three hours and I'll be with him_.

Mrs Smith interrupted Levi's thoughts as they opened the train doors. “Erwin’s father and I are staying in a local hotel, very close to Erwin’s flat. We didn’t want to disturb the two of you, especially since it’s been so long since you last saw each other. It’s probably the longest you’ve been apart before!” She passed a kind smile to Levi, who tried his best to return it despite his smiles usually looking very false or more like a scowl.

“Yeah, probably is.” Levi replied, looking down to his hands and playing with his ring; fond memories of Erwin kissing it floated around his mind. He was getting excited, time wasn't going quick enough. In less than three hours he’d be reunited with his boyfriend in person. Whilst texting and skype calls kept them in contact over the time he was away, Levi didn't find it enough. The talking was nice, but he felt uncomfortable seeing his face on the screen and calling just felt weird. He wanted to have Erwin beside him, holding him, kissing him. 

After boarding the train, the three found their seats pretty quickly: a table in the centre of the carriage. Mr and Mrs Smith sat beside each other, and Levi shuffled opposite so he could lean against the window, settling in for the long journey. Once the carriage was filled, the train set off on the trip. Everyone stayed silent for a few moments, before the generic questions about school started, and how Levi was settling in. He tried his best to focus on answering the questions, but his mind was wandering at what himself and Erwin would be getting up to that night.

Mrs Smith noticed his distraction, "I think it might be best if you tried to get some sleep Levi. Kuchel said you stayed up quite late last night."

That part was true: Levi had stayed up, way later than he usually did. He couldn't stop thinking about seeing Erwin, his heart racing with excitement. It had been a long time since the reason he couldn't sleep was a good one, and instead basked in the joyous feeling scanning through old photos of his boyfriend and reading old texts. In response to Mrs Smith, Levi nodded and slipped his headphones into his ears. Softly, the heavy lids closed shut and he drifted off into a peaceful nap, hoping it would pass as much time as possible.

And true to what Levi wanted, the train pulled into Mitras quickly after. The sudden stop jolted him awake, and he squinted his eyes at the now present light. The adults sat opposite him smiled as he pulled his headphones out of his ears and glanced out the window. The first thing he noticed as the train pulled to a stop was the familiar blonde, shining hair. He smiled, climbing out of his seat as quickly as he could and grabbing his bag. Levi made it to the door of the train before anyone else even managed to get close, and Mr and Mrs Smith could see him dashing to Erwin before they even got up from their seats.

Erwin stood by the platform sign, tall and proud. His smile plastered and lit up his entire face, which was slightly rosy from the colder weather. His scarf pulled around his neck and the sleeves of his thick cardigan rolled up on his arms. Beneath the scarf, the bolo tie was placed upon his body and the shirt Levi had bought for him covering his firm chest. As soon as he saw Levi practically jumping out of the train, his face lit up even more than before and he too began to pace forward.

Levi pushed past everyone on the platform, dashing into the arms of the man he loved. He didn't care how embarrassing he looked: not as his body first touched Erwin's, not as he threw his limbs around the over man who lifted him into the hold upon response. After squeezing as much love out of one another as possible, their lips locked in a chaste kiss - cheeks flushed, eyes fluttering. They both could feel the smile behind the kiss, which was even more evident when they pulled away from their partner.

Mr and Mrs Smith approached moments after, and Levi climbed down from his boyfriend and pressed his head into the broad chest. Erwin again, wrapped his strong arms around the man pressing a kiss into his hair. The taller man then bent down to kiss Levi again, before whispering _I missed you_ into his longing mouth.

Levi then stepped to the side to let Erwin's parents show their appreciation for the tall man. His mother wrapped her arms around him, and he tucked her under his chin in a similar way he did with Levi. He pressed a loving kiss on her forehead, before moving away to shake the hands of his father who was too beaming at his son. Levi never realised how similar Erwin's features were to his fathers, until the older man passed smiles out and he noticed the similarities. _I wonder if I got my facial expressions from my father_.

Once the reuniting was complete, Erwin interrupted Levi's train of thought by walking back to him and wrapping a protective arm around his waist again.

“Well, shall I show you all to my home?” Erwin asked, clearly aiming the question at his boyfriend as he looked down at him on his side. However, it was his father that chose to answer instead of Levi.

“Yes, son. Sounds good. Here, darling, give me your bag.” Mr Smith replied, taking his wife’s luggage in his arms. Erwin was about to offer to his partner, but Levi just frowned suggesting he wanted to hold his own bag. However, when they set off he realised it was restricting and flung it into Erwin's spare arm, who just laughed at his stroppy boyfriends gesture. Levi's lips slightly curled upon hearing the booming chuckle.

The entrance to the train station approached soon after as they all left the front door, each couple attached at the limb. Erwin excitedly led the group, pointing out buildings that belonged to his University, or cafes he'd been to a few times. He sounded so full of life, so proud to be showing Mitras off to his family. Eventually the conversation fell between the two taller men: Mr Smith reminiscing on his own time in the city, and Erwin talking about his new life here and the course he was studying. Levi caught the father smiling proudly whenever Erwin spoke, content at the fact he'd followed in the same footsteps.

As Levi glanced up and around at the buildings, he tried hard to find beauty in the large city but he just couldn't. The buildings were either plagued with the fact that they had taken Erwin away from him, or plagued with the memories of running around with Farlan and Isabel, talking about what it would be like to own one of them buildings one day. But he tried to focus on Erwin's voice as he walked along, passing a fake smile whenever he felt it was needed. Erwin kept looking over at him, pulling him closer and checking he was okay. Just as considerate as always.

The walk to Erwin's flat wasn't long, only a few blocks from the train station. Erwin unlocked the front door to the block, and then finally the door to his own flat letting his guests flood in and make themselves at home. Mr Smith headed straight to the sofa, passing an exaggerated sigh as his large body flopped down. Mrs Smith sat dainty on the arm chair by the TV, careful to avoid the books all over the room as she approached the seat. Levi frowned upon seeing the mess, grabbing a chair from the dining table and pulling it to face the living area. 

Erwin walked into the open plan kitchen pouring water into the kettle and switching it on. He grabbed Levi's favourite tea from the top shelf of his cupboard; one he'd specially bought for Levi's visits to him in the capital. Levi felt his heart swell as he watched his boyfriend making the drinks.

“And how is studying going?” Mrs Smith enquired to her son.

“Good. It’s a lot of studying, a lot of reading too. They just keep throwing more and more book titles at me that I need to purchase and read. My entire fund is going to go on them.” Erwin smiled, pouring the last cup and carrying them over on a tray placing them on the coffee table. He gestured around the room to emphasize the selection of books he'd had to buy for studying.

“I can see that.” Levi grumbled, pointedly looking around Erwin’s flat: and Erwin noticed it, giving him an apologetic smile. Books were scattered in random piles throughout the apartment, some with loose sheets of paper hanging out of them, other paper was just scattered in messy piles all over. From what Levi could tell, Erwin had tried his best to tidy up for the visit but he was running out of room to put things in.

“We will be sure to buy you some storage for all your work, Erwin. It won’t do you any good to just leave it on the floor.” Mr Smith smiled. "You need to keep your books in pristine condition for the future."

Erwin sipped at his tea, grabbing a chair and pulling it up beside Levi. “You don’t have to, however it would be quite helpful. Perhaps I’ll ask for some for my birthday.”

Once everyone lifted their cups from the table, and Levi sipped contentedly, conversation began to flow naturally as it always had. At first the smaller man joined in, joking about with everyone as best as he could before he begun to grow agitated and annoyed. He'd been with Erwin for over two hours now, and still hadn't been able to get his paws on his boyfriend to properly reunite. Erwin noticed his uncomfortable nature and soothed him with a gentle thigh rub, causing Mrs Smiths eyebrows to raise slightly.

“We better go check in, sweetie.” Mrs Smith smiled towards her husband.

“But I’d like to discuss more University tales with my son.” Mr Smith frowned, before he looked towards her and realised what she was suggesting, “But that can wait for when we meet for dinner. Be ready for six, we’ll come and collect you.” He stood up, as did Erwin’s mother. Erwin followed them to the door and helped them grab their bags, locking it firmly behind them, a small sigh of relief escaping his lips.

A second later, he strutted over to his boyfriend, wrapping them large and muscular arms around Levi, who grunted with contentment at the warmth of the touch, letting himself slip into the hold.

“Levi, I’ve missed you so, so much. I’ve been finding it all very hard without you.”

“I’ve missed you.” Levi mumbled into his chest, barely able to breathe from the hug that Erwin was giving him. They held one another in absolute silence, until Erwin moved backwards and locked his lips with his boyfriends.

They both met needing; the desire to consume their partners overtaking them. It was rushed, necessary, frantic. Erwin tugged aggressively at Levi’s top whilst he unbuttoned his boyfriends, kissing every bit of skin as it appeared through the removal of fabric. Erwin picked Levi up and carried him over to the bedroom, practically throwing him on the bed before following over, pinning his arms down above his head and kissing his way down Levi’s body.

Pants were removed, neither pausing for a second – clothes scattered across the floor, the bed sheets became scruffy with the squirming of both men. They became one as quickly as was physically possible, despite the slight burn felt by the smaller man. The movements from Erwin were harsh, thrusting deeply not holding anything back. Levi moaned, whimpered underneath his boyfriend falling completely into the moment.

Upon release, the men collapsed into the bed panting hard, marks and scratches left all over their skin – it was clear how much they needed each other, how much they missed each other. When they managed to catch their breath, the two snuggled up together and fell asleep quickly, taking the moment in as much as they could – it finally felt right again, and worries they’d both being building up dissipated.

The sleep lasted until just before six, causing them both to frantically rush around the flat and make themselves presentable for the meal that evening. Levi took a brisk shower, appearing back in his clothes moments after as Erwin was straightening his hair in the mirror. At six, just as announced, the doorbell rang and the boys grabbed their necessary belongings, walking down the stairs to meet the others there.

Deciding the autumnal air was a bit too cold, Erwin called a cab and the four drove to the restaurant instead of trying to navigate the streets of Mitras. The journey was short, and the taxi pulled up to the local restaurant in less than two minutes. Once paid, everyone departed and Erwin led his group into the warm building, asking for a table and following the waiter to the seats.

As soon as bums touched the cushions, Levi wrapped his arm around Erwin's, pulling him close together. Their lovemaking earlier had made him feel exhausted and needy: everything heavy in the air, everything a bit too intense. Erwin noticed this, and gave Levi's hand a soft squeeze as he scanned over the menu, deciding what to order for tea.

Food was ordered and brought to the table, and conversations about studying continued - Mr Smith leading the entire discussion through bites of food. Mrs Smith managed to tap in her own experiences at some points, but mainly it was between the two older men at the table. She passed a sympathetic smile to Levi who was trying to be interested, but his mind was wandering: thinking about the future. From what Erwin had said, University was going to be a lot of work. And a lot of work meant a lot of time, and a lot of time meant less time Levi would get to spend with Erwin. He frowned at the thought.

Erwin immediately noticed his discomfort, facing his boyfriend and leaning close to his ear. So close that his hot breath sent a shiver down Levi's spine.

“Everything okay, Levi?”

“Hm.” He grunted, poking at the food on his plate with a fork. He was feeling anxious, just the mere thought of seeing and hearing from Erwin less and lass taking over.

“I’m sorry all I’ve talked about is school. We’ll enjoy ourselves more when we go back to the flat.” Erwin stretched up, smiling, but the scowl still remained on his boyfriends’ face. Erwin rubbed a soft circle with his thumb on the back of Levi's hand: something that was meant to be a comforting gesture, and Levi accepted it, trying to push away the nervousness and enjoy the time he was actually with Erwin.

“Have you seen anyone from school at University, Erwin?” Mrs Smith asked politely, clearly not realising that Erwin was wanting to move away from talking about it. But since the question was about school friends rather than work load, Erwin assumed Levi wouldn't mind as much.

“Oh yes, actually. Hange seems to have settled in nicely, although they seem to not be making much contact with Petra from what I have heard. Seems Hange has made a new friend called Moblit, he seems truly nice.” Erwin paused, looking towards Levi, “I’ve seen quite a lot of Marie too. She’s managing to keep me company whilst I settle in a bit more.”

“Marie?” Levi looked at his boyfriend, fury in his eyes. His frown deepened at the mere mention of her name, a curse word slipping from Erwin's mouth.

“I should have said, I'm sorry Levi. She’s just nice company to keep around since Hange is often too busy, and I’ve not had time to settle into any clubs yet. Marie and I study together often, just someone to be there for me whilst I get more comfortable in a new city.” Erwin tried to show Levi that it wasn't anything serious, and that he hardly considered her a friend. But Levi couldn't stop thinking about the day she spiked his drink, or the day she didn't help him when her boyfriend beat him up. 

“I bet it’s nice to have someone from home here, a comforting presence I would assume.” Mr Smith replied, noting the silence from the smaller man. But Levi was less than impressed, muttering her name with even more venom.

“ _Marie?_ ”

“She's just a safe face in such a large scary city, Levi. I hope you understand I do not intend to be her friend, especially after what she has done to you in the past. But I was feeling so very lonely, as she was. And we just offered to help each other feel more comfortable.”

Levi was visibly shaking with anger in his seat, stabbing the carrot he’d been playing with angrily and shoving it into his mouth, eyes staring towards the door as something to focus on, not wanting to say anything in case he spouted off. He whispered under his breath, " _I can make you fucking comfortable, she doesn't._ " But when Erwin tried to question what he'd mumbled, Levi ignored it realising how petty it might come across.

“Is she still with Nile?” Mrs Smith asked, trying to deter the conversation.

“I think she is, yes. He was meant to be coming up this weekend too, but I’m not too sure what’s happened with that. She rarely speaks of him, come to think of it. I know he didn't get into a top University like he'd originally hoped.”

Before any further conversation took place, Levi stood up aggressively from the table, practically knocking it backwards which his sheer strength. Eyes locked up at the small man, who was looking down at the table a frown still firmly on his face, dark hair floating over his head. 

"I'm going to the bathroom." His voice said sternly, trying to put on a firm tone as to not show emotion. Erwin nodded, and Levi stormed over to the men's washrooms, before going to the furthest stall and locking the door behind him. He closed the lid of the seat, and felt his heavy body sit down - numbers started to mutter from his lips as he tried to calm his anger down. He breathed in slowly, breathing out moments later. Tiles on the floor were counted, patterns on the wall followed - just anything to focus on to stop the anger brewing inside of him. Eventually, it began to dissipate slowly.

But not as slowly as Levi had thought, because moments later he heard a man appear into the toilets, about ten minutes after he'd ran off. He was hoping it was just another customer until a tap sounded on his locked door.

“Levi? I know you’re in there. Please let me in.” Erwin said, calm.

“No.” Was all Levi replied with, unsure how else to politely tell Erwin to back off. He didn't want to kick off: not on his weekend away with Erwin, not ever, and he was unsure if he'd be able to keep his emotions straight just thinking of Marie.

“Levi, please understand what I mean. She's nothing to me, just company whilst I settle in.” Erwin was telling the truth: he had no feelings towards Marie, and he was sure she didn't either. They both needed someone when they bumped into one another, and took advantage of the situation.

“She’s your ex, Erwin! I don’t want you hanging around with your ex!” moaned Levi, trying to blame the anger on that fact rather than she was involved with Nile. He was hoping the jealously angle might make Erwin understand it a bit more.

“So is that why you’re upset? Just because we dated when we were what, sixteen? I’m almost nineteen, that’s years ago now. She literally means nothing.” Erwin sighed, “Please let me in.”

Levi finally gave in, pulling himself together and opening the lock and letting the blonde man squeeze his way into the small cubicle. Levi went back to sit on the toilet seat, feet on the actual toilet lid and his backside on the flusher. The room was small and everyone was squeezed close together, unable to properly move around. This made it perfect for Erwin to look at his boyfriend properly, before his strong facial expression dropped into something of sadness.

“I’m so lonely in Mitras, Levi. I’ve not really had the time to make many friends and there’s a lot of work. Frankly, I’m just using Marie as a bit of home comfort until I get to see you. She wanted to come along this weekend but I said no, I want to just be with Levi. I believe she is too finding college quite hard, and we both just need someone in close proximity to keep us sane.

“I promise you she means nothing to me, Levi. Not like you. She has been my friend, or at least in my life, for a very long time and it is hard to forget people from the past easily, especially when they’re around you daily. If it truly bothers you I will stop speaking to her completely. I value you way more than Marie.” Erwin looked gutted, heartbroken almost. Levi hadn't realised he'd found his new home so lonely or difficult, and if he did, Levi was sure to have not reacted in such a manner as he was currently.

Levi sighed, looking down and fiddling with the button on his shirt before looking up and meeting eye contact with his boyfriend.

“Well if I say anything now I’ll just look like a selfish, jealous dick.” He smirked, before letting his face fall again. “Fine talk to her, but I never want to see her. Or hear about her.”

“Thank you for understanding Levi. I am sorry, I should have talked to you about it before hand but I needed to explain this in person, in case it came across wrong over the telephone.” Erwin did look very apologetic too; it was clear that he was finding Mitras hard since his eyes had gotten dark bags around them, just in the few weeks he’d been here. Levi just shrugged, grabbing Erwin's hand loosely in his own, swinging it slightly and passing the blonde man a tiny smile.

Erwin took that as an invitation for forgiveness, and leaned down, ready to seal their argument with a kiss to make things better, and Levi was about to oblige until he realised where they were both sat, and how unromantic the entire setting was. Just before their lips met, a small hand pushed the broad chest away and a tut left someone's lips.

“I forgive you, but I'm not making up in a fucking toilet, Erwin.” Grumbled Levi, hopping down and squeezing around the man to unlock the bathroom door. Erwin just chuckled to himself, following behind Levi to the sink to wash their hands. Another man who was using the urinals pulled a questioning look at the couple as they appeared together, but Levi just frowned at him before wandering out of the dirty room. Erwin laughing even more under his breath at the shocked face once the bodies left the room. Before heading back to the table, Erwin twisted Levi's hips round and kissed him quickly on the lips.

Upon return, the meal was finished and the bill paid for. Mr and Mrs Smith decided to get a taxi back to their hotel and so bid their goodbye's to the two boys, calling a cab and hopping in. An arranged time was discussed for the day after before hand, and the taxi dotted off down the street. Erwin therefore took Levi's hand in his own, and walked back to his flat holding one another.

It felt good, so very good, to be able to walk through streets without the worry of seeing someone from school or getting worried about passing comments. Whilst they had announced themselves as a couple at the last school dance, Levi still showed reluctance as to flaunting his relationship when at home, and so Erwin basked in the opportunity whilst they were in Mitras together.

The couple walked along in silence, before Levi interrupted the comforting noise, announcing his thoughts. “It’s been over a year since I was dared to kiss you.”

“Oh? I guess it has.” Erwin replied, pulling his boyfriend closer: whilst the kiss was lovely, the whole memory of the night hadn't been as pleasant as Erwin had always longed for.

“I thought it was the end of the world at the time, but guess it didn’t turn out so bad.” Grey eyes looked up, practically sparkling at the taller man. Erwin smiled warmly.

“I agree. I never realised how much of a good kisser you’d be either, until that night.” Erwin smirked and Levi nudged him in the side.

Silence pursued once again, before Levi's thoughts dared to voice. “So much has changed in a year.”  Erwin just stayed silent and nodded along, unsure of what to say. It was very true that so much had changed, some things for the better and some for the worse. But one thing he was glad for not changing was his relationship with Levi: whilst it apparent they needed to navigate their way around a long distance relationship, the love was still alive. Just the thought made Erwin buzz.

Not soon after the flat came into view, and their steps sped up to bask in the warmth of the property. Coats and scarves were hung beside the door, and Erwin made a new pot of tea before joining Levi on the sofa. They further discussed how Hange was doing at college, and what kind of experiments they were focusing on. Levi then replied by talking about Petra, and how she was getting really close to her new group of friends who he sort of knew. As he tried to explain everything, Erwin listened along intently, focusing all his attention on his boyfriends voice, hoping the sounds would ring in his mind even after they'd gone home again.

Mike and Nanaba were discussed also, but neither Erwin or Levi had heard Mike's plans for engagement yet and assumed it wasn't due to happen for a while longer. Erwin tried to tell Levi about what Mike had said recently about how he was finding school, but the small yawns coming from the other man suggested that the discussion could be saved for a later date. The time was approaching midnight, and they'd both had an emotionally exhausting day.

Instead of continuing the discussion of his friends, Erwin suggested “Bedtime?” and Levi replied with a small nod before climbing from his boyfriend and walking to the bathroom, washing and getting ready for bed as quickly as he could in his tired state. As soon as he was done, the smaller body curled onto the other in the bed, soft sheets floating over the bodies.

The two joined together again that night, this time slower and more passionate. There was no scratching or biting, but instead they took one another in – kissing softly, touching delicately. They wrapped arms around each other, Erwin falling asleep soon after, soft snores escaping his mouth. Levi smiled at the noise, but his own snores wouldn't escape his body, and instead his mind wandered noting every sense he was feeling.

He couldn't stop thinking about how good it felt to be held when he was off to sleep again. Whilst Kuchel had made a fuss to help Levi sleep by gentle strokes, or just letting his small head snuggle into her lap, it felt completely different to be held by his strong boyfriend. The hold was strong, protective. The natural scent of Erwin filled his nose, and Levi couldn't stop sniffing it in, before realising he was acting very much like Mike and he shifted uncomfortably at the thought.

Levi nudged himself under Erwin's chin, allowing the heavy head to flop onto the black hair. Limbs engulfed one another, and eventually Levi's mind began to settle down: no thoughts of Marie, no trying to take everything in for the future, just letting him live in the present and enjoy the comforting presence around him.

Sadly the morning appeared too quickly. The night together, the touches, the cuddles: it wasn't enough. Levi needed it every day, every second, and Erwin clearly felt the same way as he pulled his boyfriend closer to him breathing down his back. The sun had awoken the couple, shining aggressively through the gaps in the curtains and placing an orange blanket over the bed. Levi sighed contentedly at the warmth from both behind and in front of him.

Realising it would be the last time they'd wake up together for a while, Levi put up with the morning breath and gentle kisses were shared in bed. Both too sensitive and tired from the night before, they chose to just hold each other until the last possible moment where they'd have to get ready. Reluctantly Erwin pulled himself from the bed and walked to the kitchen to make toast, whilst Levi went straight to the bathroom and cleaned and clothed as quickly as he could, just so a few more seconds could be spent with his boyfriend.

Breakfast was eaten in the living room, both still touching. Levi had climbed to sit on Erwin's lap sideways, and they shared breakfast off the same plate so they could just be together. It was very silent and quiet, neither wanting to break the romantic air between them both. But time flew too quickly as always, and Mr and Mrs Smith texted to say they were on their way disrupting them from their dreamy moment together.

"One day, Levi. We'll be able to do this every morning, wake up together every morning." Erwin whispered into the man's hair who was tucked against his body, stood at the doorway with bags in hand and coat over his body. Levi nodded, pulling himself tighter into the broad body. He liked that thought: he liked the idea that himself and Erwin would be able to spend every future early day like that.

The doorbell rang, causing their embrace to part and they both looked at each other with deeply loving eyes. Levi reached onto his tiptoes to kiss Erwin once more, before the door swung open and Mr and Mrs Smith appeared to say farewell to their son. The same actions from the meeting at the train station were performed: a firm yet gentle handshake from Mr Smith, a loving cuddle from his mother. Noting that Levi would want a private goodbye, they walked back down stairs to wait for him in the flat lobby. Once the coast was clear, the small tiptoed man reached up and pressed another kiss on his boyfriend.

“I love you.” Levi mumbled into the soft lips.

“I love you so much, Levi. I’ll see you soon.” Erwin kissed him one more time, before pulling away and kissing the ring that wrapped around Levi’s wedding finger. He smiled, one more kiss placed, before Levi ducked out of the flat not wanting to show Erwin how hard he was finding saying bye. The blonde man rushed to the window to watch the smaller man disappear round the corner with his parents, a small tear shredding down his rosy cheeks. The loneliness began to consume him again, and Erwin walked straight to the sheets he'd shared with Levi breathing in the scent until he managed to drift back to sleep.

The train journey home was a lot less joyous than the train journey there: everyone in absolute silence, Levi pretending to be asleep so he didn’t have to try and make conversation. His headphones sat in his ears in absolute silence, and the thoughts of the weekend with Erwin filled his head. He wasn't even thinking about Marie anymore, and just the loving moments he'd shared with the man he loved and trusted with his entire life. The thoughts and memories were already heavy, and he subtly texted Erwin under the counter the entire journey home, trying to cover the fact he was on the verge of crying. _Shit, when did I become so emotional? I just miss him already_.

The train pulled in, and the three walked to the car, Levi climbing to the back seat. His home approached fifteen minutes later, and he said the quickest thank you he could pull out before opening the door and dashing upstairs, straight past Kuchel and into his room. She looked worryingly back at her son, before walking down the stairs to speak to the other parents at the bottom who had got out from their car. But Levi didn't care, he was missing Erwin already.

Quickly he grabbed a shirt that Erwin kept at his as a spare top, and wrapped himself in it. Erwin being over six foot and Levi being just over five foot, the material drowned him. But Levi loved it, and curled up on his bed pulling the sleeves close to his nose to breathe the comforting scent in, before managing to drift off, eyes damp and cheeks rosy.

Kuchel came in to check on him later that night, but upon seeing her son curled with a red puffy face in the shirt, she just looked upon him with a solemn smile before gently closing the door and heading to bed herself.

_Will this ever get easier? How am I going to cope for three years if it’s this hard after seeing him?_

That night, Levi found himself having harsh, violent nightmares from his past – but instead of Farlan and Isabel being in the dream, they were replaced by Erwin burning in the house where he had once lived.


	23. Visits Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's life had slowly taken an upturn, finding himself with a part time job and a new group of friends. But the distance is making him miss Erwin even more each day, and with each day he's finding it harder to be with him.

After two visits to Mitras, Levi began to get into a steady routine with Art College, making time began to pass by quickly: far too busy to pay attention to the fact he was seeing and hearing less from his boyfriend. Far too busy to dwell on the fact Marie messaged Erwin none stop on his last visit to him. He saw Petra pretty much daily becoming even closer to the girl since everyone parted town, and soon settled nicely into her group of friends: Eld, Oluo, and Gunther. He soon became popular with the new gang, and it even managed to operate its own little nickname around University: The Levi Squad. Whilst Levi didn't much like the attention, he liked the fact that his new friends liked his company so much. And as time went on, he saw a lot more of the Levi Squad and a lot, lot less of the original group: he hardly even heard from Mike and Nanaba these days, and only messaged Hange occasionally. The High School days slowly fading into the background.

Despite Levi's growing popularity, and thus business, Erwin still managed to message Levi daily, and they skyped once or twice a week each time talking about how much he missed him, and Levi replying with warmth in his heart. However, Levi only replied occasionally as time went on mainly because coursework was overtaking his life, and also because he had spoken to Petra in depth about Marie always being around messaging him, calling him, or wanting him to go work with her and it aggravated him. Recently as his social life became crowded, he released how hard it was to have a long distance partner.

The group parting ways came quickly but unnoticed by almost everyone - the original formation slowly departing to make room for new friends from Colleges. It was hard to keep friendships strong when you hardly saw the people involved, and even harder to keep relationships sturdy. Which is why Petra had called it off with Hange just a month into College, the week after Levi returned from his first visit to Erwin. She was finding it too hard to be with Hange who was miles away. At first the break up was heavy on the girl, and she opted to moving in with Levi just for company that week which Levi permitted. From what Erwin had said, Hange didn't take it too badly and expected it to happen all along despite their claims of love for the girl. Levi suspected they did take it hard, but were too focused on their degree to give it too much attention.

As time passed since the break up, Petra became her old self again and went out a lot more often with her new friends. Oluo, who clearly had fancied her since the start, got the courage to ask Petra out on a few dates which she obliged. At first it was an outlet of feelings of Hange, but as time progressed she started to really enjoy Oluo and his company, leading to them finally seeing each other. Levi wasn't particularly fond of her new boyfriend, since he seemed to copy Levi in everything he did from the way he spoke to the way he dressed. However, if the man made Petra happy, then he was fine to cope with him being around. He was gutted that a once strong relationship had ended, but mostly happy that they were both content in their new lives. But Levi couldn't help compare their old relationship to his and Erwin's, worried the distance would break them down too, soon.

Levi had called Hange weekly after the break up to check how they were doing, but each time they seemed content and happy enough just putting every inch of free time into their studies. He had suspected as much, but still wanted to offer his hand should they need it. After all, they had done that through his entire high school career. About three weeks after the break up Hange told Levi about their new boyfriend, a cute and loyal guy named Moblit. He did science with Hange, and from what Erwin had told him, followed them around like a little dog helping with experiments and stopping Hange putting themselves in too much danger. Just what Hange needed.

Judging by recent events, Levi and Erwin were one of the only couples to stick together despite the distance. Marie, surprise surprise, had called it off with Nile after Levi had first left his visit from Erwin too, around the same time as Petra and Hange. Apparently Nile wasn't enjoying his course at University and instead opted to go straight into work with his father, slowly working his way to the top instead. Marie said she wanted to live the proper student life, rather than being tied down so early and called it off with him. This ticked Levi off, as it was evident she broke up with Nile because she fancied Erwin. Judging by the texts and messages she'd sent Erwin, she was trying to get back into his pants. Erwin tried to say that no, she was just lonely. But Levi knew that was bullshit.

Even after expressing his discomfort with the whole situation, many a time he called Erwin on Skype Marie would be round, watching television or trying to study at his dining table. And after the first few times, Levi cut off refusing to talk to his boyfriend when she was there. Once he tried to strip tease Erwin with him watching through the screen, but Marie just snorted and walked into the bathroom to give Erwin peace whilst he watched his boyfriend: not the reaction that Levi was hoping for. After advice from Petra, Levi spoke to Erwin again about how unhappy he was with Marie being around him all the time, but Erwin just said they were friends now and everything was platonic. As much as Levi wanted to believe the entire comment, and even though Levi trusted Erwin with his entire life, he couldn't help but not trust Marie. Not one bit at all.

To try and take his mind off the whole situation, and how annoying it was that Erwin and Marie were now "friends", Levi decided to find himself a part time job somewhere clean enough. According to the therapist, Levi's mental health had drastically improved since the start of college, and his panic attacks were few and far between: a much needed flood of relief for Kuchel. So the small man got himself a job at a local book shop, working stocking shelves or manning the tills: it was nice to have something to do to earn his own money instead of borrowing his mother's, and nice to have something to do alongside college and seeing his friends. However, it made him extremely tired, often heading to bed early.

As Levi walked out of his last shift of the week, eyes drooping and body heavy with exhaustion, his phone started ringing and a big picture of Erwin flashed on the screen. Sighing quietly, he picked up his phone.

“Hello?”

“Levi it’s me! How are you?”

“Hi Erwin, yeah good just super tired. Just finished work.”

“Have a good day? I’m glad you’re good. If you're tired, maybe try head for an early night.”

“It was okay, just busy. Glad it's finished. I can't go to bed early, told Petra I'd go out with Oluo, her, and Eld.”

“How come no Gunther? I thought he always hung out with you all. I’ve just got a lot of work to do tonight for a lecture tomorrow, nothing exciting I’m afraid.” It was sweet how much Erwin had taken a new found interest into Levi's life, ensuring he knew the names of his new friends.

“Busy, I guess.” Levi stifled a yawn.

“What are you four doing?”

“I think we’re off to the cinema, hopefully I won't fall asleep.”

Erwin paused for a second, before continuing. Levi could sense something was bothering him, but was in a rush so he couldn’t really pester him about it now. “That’ll be nice.”

“Yeah.”

Silence filled the line and Levi frowned as a loud bing sounded in his ear and a text came through.

“One second Erwin just got a text.”

He put his boyfriend on hold and read the message from Eld, which was filled with annoying emoji’s that made Levi furrow his brows but soften them when he realised what the message was.

17:34: Levi :D it’s me : -) I’m gonna come pick you up on the way to the cinema! We’re meeting O and P there cos they’ve gone for food. That okay? You want any sweets or anything? I’ll pick us them up 8-) xxxxx

17:35: I need a nap first. But thanks.

17:35: No need to be so harsh in your texts grumpy : -( I’ll text you on my way :D it's five now, so I'll come at eight so you have plenty of time. xxxxx

Levi quickly closed the texting window and pulled the phone back to his ear to talk more to Erwin, who he had left waiting for a while and would probably be getting frustrated with him at this rate.

“Sorry Erwin I’m here.”

“So you are. You don’t need to say sorry, anyway I have some good news.”

“Oh, what?” 

“I’m coming home on Tuesday for my birthday and staying for one night! We have a few reading days at University so I thought we could all get together for my birthday? Maybe get hold of Mike and Nanaba somehow?”

“That’s well good, Erwin! Yeah, maybe try call them they haven’t spoken to me and Petra in about a month. Is Hange coming?” His heart beat a bit quicker at the thought of seeing his boyfriend, finally, in a place her felt comfortable. With no Marie. Levi originally had just planned to see Erwin on Bonfire Night for a family gathering at the Smith's household, and was planning to celebrate his birthday with him then, so finding out he'd get to see him earlier was thrilling.

“Hange can’t come sadly, they have a science thing with Moblit. I was thinking of bringing someone else with me, as long as it’s okay with you?”

“Who is it?” Levi knew he didn’t need to ask, there was only one other person who seemed prominent in Erwin’s college life. His heart fell. 

“Marie. Just, she wants to come home too. She shouldn’t be with us on my birthday, but just in the car there and back and probably would pop round to say hi. I think she's feeling rather homesick and I just felt bad when she asked, I'm so sorry. I know you two don't meet eye to eye, although I do believe she wants to patch things up with you all.”

Anger boiled inside the smaller man: the one thing he could do with is Marie not being there when he was being reunited with his boyfriend, especially after the way she selfishly took Erwin's time up the last two visits. Especially because she was the cause of Levi and Erwin's first proper fall out, and now she was planning to steal him away from Levi yet again. The thought of her constant texts, her face in the background of calls, her endless missed phonecalls - she was always around Erwin, even if not physically, and that thought sickened Levi. He sneered and scowled through the phone, despite knowing that Erwin wouldn't be able to see his unimpressed grimace.

Levi would never tell Erwin, but the true reason he hated Marie despite the alcohol spike was the fact she was an ex-partner of Erwin, his ex-girlfriend. And Levi got jealous, possessive, obsessive easily. He didn't like the thought of Marie being in Erwin's life in such a romantic way before himself, he didn't like that she was still hovering in the picture. Ex's were meant to go away when the relationship ended, not cling on like a leach. 

After their first fight about Marie when Erwin kept texting her back out of politeness, Levi took an early train home to get away from Mitras and the situation evolving before his eyes. He'd gone home in a strop, refusing to talk to his boyfriend when he believed he was being so irrational. However, Erwin's heart ached at the thought of hurting the one he loved, and got a large bouquet of flowers delievered to Levi's address. And while albeit the gesture was overly cheesy and romantic, making Levi cringe, he really appreciated it and forgave the blonde man for his actions. Since then, Erwin hadn't spoken of Marie at all. Levi had hoped originally it was the end of their friendship until she was still appearing in the background.

Eventually, the cold phone pressed firmly against his ear shook him back into reality, replying to his boyfriend with a tut.

“Your birthday. Whatever.”

“No Levi, I want to put you first. If it’s not okay, say so.”

“I said fine, fucks sake!” Levi growled, frowning as he picked up his pace to get home and ready, wanting the conversation to end. Erwin could tell it wasn't fine, and Levi could hear Erwin sighing down the line. It wasn't the first time Levi had gotten angry with Erwin over the phone, and recent conversations had often ended with a bit of a voice raise or a bit of a strop recently, not because of lack of love, but because they were both struggling with the distance and separation but Levi was too stubborn to talk about his feelings. 

“Okay, Levi. Well I’ll go now anyway, I have a lot of reading to do. I’ll text you later?”

“If you want.” His hand was shaking as his phone pressed even harder to his side.

“I miss you.”

“Yeah.” Levi said.

“I love you, Levi.”

“Thanks.” Levi said, hanging up the phone in annoyance. _What the fuck does Erwin think he’s doing suggesting bringing Marie on his birthday? His first visit home and he's choosing to spend it with the girl who steals all his time in Mitras._

As soon as Levi walked into the house, he slammed the door and went straight to the bathroom, slamming that door too. Aggressively the clothes were ripped off his body and uncharacteristically thrown onto the floor, his eyes watering with anger. The water of the shower began, and he sunk under the hot droplets, drowning himself in the sound of the pellets of heat splattering on his skin. Managing to calm down under the soothing drips, Levi climbed out of the shower and wrapped himself in the towel, picking his uniform up and neatening it before heading to his bedroom.

The door this time was closed gently, and Levi laid himself down on his bed trying to nap before his late night out. However, the anger and thoughts of the brunette floated in his mind, distracting him from the task at hand. Instead, he picked his outfit out for the cinema and got ready slowly, before making a strong coffee and sitting in the living room waiting patiently for Eld to arrive for him.

Thankfully time passed quickly, and before Levi even realised it had reached ten to the hour, pulling Levi out of his slumped position on the sofa and prompting him to collect his phone, wallet, and keys. Several texts had come through from Erwin, but he pushed them to the side in order to reply to his more modern blonde friend who had informed him that he was on his way. Just in time, Levi locked up the flat and walked down the stairs, met with a tall man grinning enthusiastically. 

At first, Levi envisioned Eld as Erwin, mistakenly due to the blonde hair and cheeky smile, tall and lean body. However, it came to realisation as he approached and the man was a few inches smaller and stressed in pale skinny jeans, a baggy blouse, and a vintage blazer: something that his boyfriend would never wear. Eld's hair was tied up neatly in a bun at the back of his head, and facial hair had slowly begun to grow along his face making him appear a lot older than eighteen. 

“You ready, Levi?” Eld asked as Levi reached the bottom of the stairs and began to approach the man.

“Yeah.” He responded, ducking into the passenger seat and belting himself in. Eld took his place in the drivers seat, before setting the ignition going and speeding off down the street. Oluo had suggested that the four attended a different cinema that evening, one in the city centre where the seats were velvet sofa's and the popcorn was served in a bowl rather than a cardboard box. The tickets were more expensive, but everyone thought it would be a nice change and a bit of a treat. Levi was glad for it, especially after yet another small argument with Erwin on the phone. 

Eld noticed Levi's discomfort and that the scowl on his face was harsher than usual. In a way of deterring the conversation, when they reached red lights he reached into the side of his door and pulled out a brown paper bag, smiling at Levi as he began to speak.

“I know you said you didn’t want sweets, but I bought you some anyway just in case. They’re just some hard boiled sweets but they’re all wrapped up individually so they’re clean, cos I didn’t think you’d want them if they were touched especially in a pick and mix shop.”

Levi could tell that Eld knew something was wrong, but appreciated that he wasn't asking or probing for answers.

“I didn't need them, but thanks.” Levi replied, as he took one out of the packet and popped it into his mouth trying not to show his contented face as he sucked on the sweet - he loved sweets, especially hard boiled ones. But Levi being Levi didn't want to make his new friend feel too proud of himself. Only Erwin had guessed this before, and ended up knowing exactly the best things that Levi would want to eat, as though they were telepathic. 

The rest of the car journey was Eld passing jokes and smiles, trying to help remove the scowl on Levi's face, and eventually it worked as he slowly began to forget about the argument with Erwin, and focus more on the night in front of him. The caffeine from the coffee Levi drank at home had given him a new sort of buzz, and he was slowly beginning to feel much more awake and alive, slowly replying to Eld's general conversation. It was then that Levi decided he liked Eld the best out of his new friends. Quick enough, the car pulled into a parking space by the cinema entrance, and they were greeted by Petra and Oluo, who were joined at the hip with their arms wrapped around one another. Levi hadn't seen his best friend this smiley or content since she dated Hange before, and he felt a swell of pride in his stomach.

They all bought the popcorn and took their seats on the fancy sofas: Eld and Levi together, Petra and Oluo. As soon as the screen lit and the film began to roll, Petra had climbed into Oluo's lap and began to snuggle up to him, which eventually led to kissing. Eld smiled contentedly at his friends, then at Levi with a bit of a smirk. Levi swore he saw a blush in the other man's cheek, but tried to ignore it and focus on the film in front of him, nibbling away at popcorn and hard boiled sweets up until the end when the screen ran with the credits. Oluo and Petra still consuming each other; it reminded Levi of the day he went to the cinema with Hange and Petra, and Erwin. That was the day he and Erwin shared their first true, proper and unforced kiss. His heart began to ache, wishing that he hadn't had a petty argument with the love of his life: wishing that he was sat sharing this one off experience in a new cinema with Erwin.

Once the credits had finished, Eld decided it was best that the couple unlocked lips and broke them apart by poking Petra in the side. She looked totally humiliated, before starting to giggle. The giggle developed into a nervous laugh, catching Oluo and Eld too. Soon enough all four were laughing (well, to an extent. Levi just turned his lips up slightly) before they left the cinema and headed to the car. 

Eld agreed to drive everyone home since it had gotten quite late, and dropped Petra and Oluo at her house first. Originally Oluo was meant to be going home, but Petra's mum had said it was okay for him to stay over. Levi thought it was mainly because she was finally seeing her daughter properly move on, and wanted to help with the progress. Either way, he tried not to think about it, not particularly wanting to think of his best friend having sex with their new boyfriend.

Soon enough the small car pulled up outside Levi's flat. The lights were still on in the kitchen, suggesting that Kuchel must still be up despite it being almost midnight. Levi sighed inwardly: he knew she'd have been waiting for him to get home, being the very protective mother that she was. He was pulled away from his own thoughts as Eld began to speak.

“Tonight was great.” Eld said, "I'm glad you seemed to perk up a bit."

“I'm fine. But yeah, it was good.” Levi replied as politely as he could, trying not to think about the reason why he wasn't in a good mood in the first place.

“Levi, if you ever need anyone to talk to...” Eld began, before looking down and fiddling with his thumbs slightly, a red flow appearing on his cheeks. “Look, if you and Erwin are finding long distance hard I get it. I'm happy to talk to you about things.” He paused again, looking anxiously at Levi who had a very permanent scowl on his face now, "I'm just assuming that might be why you weren't in a good mood earlier."

Levi furrowed his brows more, annoyed that this new friend was assuming his feelings for him despite being completely right. He wasn't sure how to reply, so just snapped at him instead. "I'm fine. We're fine."

Eld looked taken aback by the sudden aggression, causing Levi to correct the tone of his voice and readdress the statement at hand. "Sorry. Just, we're okay."

"It's okay, Levi. As long as you're okay and enjoyed tonight. I just really care about you."

“Eld, don't.” Levi sighed, looking towards his friend with a softened face. He knew where this was going, he had a feeling all along but didn't really want to say anything about it, and was sort of hoping it would never be brought up.

“I know I have no chance with Erwin in the picture or anything but, I don't know. I just wanted you to know."

He looked up at Levi with a bashful smile, his face becoming bright red. Levi ran one hand through his hair, closing his eyes softly for a second before reopening them. He was having enough problems in his own relationship, finding it hard enough as it was at the moment, without another confession knowing that one of the people in his life to support him actually fancied him. But he didn't want his new friendship or found respect to disintegrate, so he just looked up at Eld and gave a kind smile, causing the other man to smile back kindly. 

“Thanks for the lift, Eld. See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, not a problem. I’ll see you tomorrow Levi!” 

Without another glance or saying another word, Levi undid his seat belt and climbed from the car that was beginning to feel slightly claustrophobic. He wasn't good with his own feelings, never mind somebody else. Sighing, his body stumbled up the stairs and unlocked the front door to a smiling Kuchel, sat comfortably on the sofa wrapped in a dressing gown. She looked up as soon as the door sounded.

"Good night, Levi?" She asked, as kindly as ever.

"Yeah. Not bad. I'm tired though, so I'll speak tomorrow." At that the smaller man walked straight to the bathroom and had another shower, hoping the words that Eld had said would wash away with the water. It did make him feel cleaner than before, but the words still lingered. Before leaving the steamed room, he scanned through his phone once more. There were even more new texts from Erwin apologising, wanting to ring him. The last one he received was saying good night. As he was about to close his phone, it binged again in his hands showing a text from Eld; but he couldn't deal with that right now, so the technology was switched off as he carried it into his bedroom and hid it in a drawer.

Sighing, he got into pajamas and tucked himself safely under the comfort of his quilt. Safely in a place away from any feelings: Erwin, Eld. Safely away from romance, a place where he could close his eyes and feel nothing but himself. Well so he thought, however images of Erwin wouldn't leave his mind. It started with Erwin kissing him on his first date, then he became the third person seeing Erwin kissing Marie. Tossing and turning, Levi tried to get the image out of his mind. Eventually it drifted to Eld, the tall blushing man sat beside him in the cinema. Soon enough, he was imaging himself kissing him instead. He frowned, but the imagine wouldn't escape and Levi found himself falling asleep to the thought of being held in another man's arms.

*****

The week after the cinema went really quickly, mainly because Levi's week was consumed with either work or studying. He'd managed to see quite a lot of Petra that week, both of them working together in the local library as an escape from other students. He hadn't bothered to tell her about Eld's confession, and instead focused all his attention on the fact that Erwin was coming round in just a few days. The day after the cinema trip, Levi called Erwin and talked everything through with him, both apologising for their childish nature. Erwin truly believed that they had properly made up, but Levi was waiting for his actual birthday to see if Marie would stick to her word and, crassly, fuck off.

The plan for Erwin's birthday was to get the group together and gather in the milkshake bar they'd often gone to throughout High School, mainly because it was one of Erwin's favourite placed. Levi called into the bar a day before Tuesday to ask if they could pop some decorations and cake in there, with a table of presents for Erwin. The staff agreed, and offered to close it to the general public for the afternoon so they could have a proper reunion with their friend since their loyal custom over the years. Gratefully, Levi accepted their offer and prepared everything Tuesday lunchtime ready for Erwin’s return.

Levi was the first one there, Petra tagging along to help him with the decorations. Once he was content the cake looked nice, the food was displayed on the table neatly and the gifts were wrapped to his standards, all that was left to do was wait. Nanaba and Mike showed up soon after, carrying a card and some more food for the gathering. It was strange how different everyone looked, Levi noting that Mike had yet again grown even taller, and Nanaba had also grown with her boyfriend. Because of the time apart, the time passed quickly as they engaged in conversation about what they'd been up to, and the official plan of the meeting. Once everything was discussed, Mike offered an apology about the fact that they'd not spoken much since they all parted ways, mainly because he was either at work or studying: but Levi understood, it was the same for him. Once a silence filled the group, Nanaba decided to perk up and begin asking more questions. 

“Is Hange coming?” Nanaba looked worriedly towards Petra, concerned for her friends attitude to the other after the break up.

“No, they’re too busy apparently.” Levi grumbled, crossing his arms and looking less than impressed with the absence of his friend.

“Ah, I see.” Nanaba replied with a soft smile. "That's a shame."

“Is he coming alone then?” Mike chipped in.

“Nope. Bringing Marie, believe it or not.”

“Marie?” Mike asked with an unusual crisp in his tone, looking towards Nan and scowling at hearing the name, suggesting he knew something that Levi didn’t. The smaller man caught onto this and looked towards his friend.

“And what is _that_ face for?”

“Nothing, nothing Levi it’s fine. Look, he’ll be here in a minute we better get ready.” Mike stuttered out, looking around the cafe for anything to use as a distraction. 

Levi, annoyed that the conversation was brushed aside, went to light the candles on the cake and turn the lights out ready for his boyfriend’s appearance not wanting to ruin the grand surprise. He made a mental note to try to talk to Mike later if he got the chance, and if not he'd just message him to find out what the tone was all about. Just as the light switch went out, the tall blonde man walked into the shop with Marie following closely behind him. Levi's face already began to frown, but he tried to straighten it out so as to not ruin it for his boyfriend.

Immediately, singing erupted at the man that walked in, and Marie looking a bit startled tried to join in singing along, but Levi just kept scowling at her and giving her a very unimpressed look. She burrowed back into herself, clearing sensing how unwelcome she was in the room. Mike and Nanaba also had their eyes drawn to her, not glancing at Erwin at all. 

Levi moved his small body over to his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around the large body, Erwin repeating the action. He breathed in the warmth scent a few times, trying to stabilize his feelings after the last few meetings and phone calls: he wanted to fall into Erwin, for everything to be okay as it usually was when they made contact. But the pit at the bottom of his stomach wasn't filling as it usually did. Trying to pull his thoughts away from the sadness, he looked up and kissed his boyfriend delicately. "Happy birthday Erwin."

Petra took that as he cue to jump over to the blonde man, Levi pulling away just in time as she wrapped her arms around him. “Happy birthday Erwin!” Mike and Nanaba followed after, too patting him on the back and giving a quick squeeze before the man could walk back over to his boyfriend, who was now stood cleaning against the wall, glancing through the corner of his eye at Marie who was _still_ hovering. Still here, despite the fact she was going to leave straight away. 

It was only when he could sense Erwin's body moving towards him that he averted his gaze, looking up into them familiar blue eyes that made him lose his thoughts. But this time, the thoughts stayed and he couldn't melt like he usually did: too angry, too tense. “I’ve missed you so much Levi.” He whispered, kissing his cheek as he straightened his back up.

“I missed you too.” Levi replied, trying to force himself to believe it, but even seeing him in front of him now just struck as false because Marie was _still_ hovering in the background behind him, closely too. He realised she had moved forward once Erwin also moved from his original position. He wanted his full attention to be on his boyfriend, and the fact that he was finally home. But he couldn't find himself doing it. 

“Thank you for all of this. This is amazing.” Erwin said a lot louder this time, announcing it to everyone in the room. Mike beckoned him to sit down at the table where he opened his presents from friends: new stationery for University, a new game for his console, some vouchers. Levi had bought him a new aftershave that he knew he liked, a new shirt, and some history books that he was after. (As it wasn’t his big eighteenth this year, no one decided to go too over the top with gifts). He watched his boyfriend open the gifts with his usual essence of contentment and love, but Levi's attention was focused on her: the unwelcome presence in the room. She noted this, smirking slightly at Levi when his gifts were placed neatly back in the pile on the table.

“Thank you so much, everyone.” He said, after each gift, and leant to put a kiss on Levi’s lips again. Noticing that Marie was smirking towards him, Levi took this opportunity to make her feel even more unwelcome, even more uncomfortable. He climbed into his boyfriends lap and snuggled down, burying his face into his neck and kissing him causing Erwin to blush slightly at the very unusual behaviour coming from the smaller man. Marie's blood began to boil as she watched with envy at Levi. 

“Tell them what I got you, Erwin.” Her peevish voice came from behind, trying to drain the attention back to her. Petra looked at Levi and rolled her eyes in an over the top manner, suggesting her annoyance of the whole situation too. 

“Oh yes, of course. Marie is taking me out to dinner at a Michelin Star restaurant tomorrow evening when we’re back in Mitras. How exciting is that?” Enthusiastically he smiled at Marie, and she smiled back smugly, eyes meeting Levi’s.

“Fucking wow. What do you want? A medal?” Levi snorted sarcastically, and the whole room fell into a very uncomfortable air. Erwin's eyes looked angry at first at the rude comment, before they softened to something else; something Levi could only assume to be disappointment in his behaviour. But Levi didn't care, and instead just climbed off his boyfriend to side beside Petra again. But soon enough, the petite ginger stood up.

“How about some milkshakes?” She asked, trying to create a distraction. Everyone responded saying that yes, they'd love a milkshake. Well, everyone except the two creating all the tension in the room.  As soon as she moved from the table, Mike began to try and talk to Marie to change the subject and distract her from Levi. Erwin took this as an opportunity to lean down and whisper into his boyfriends ear. "Levi, is everything okay?"

"She's still fucking here." He grumbled quietly back, folding his arms over his chest.

"I know, Levi. I'm sorry. I thought she'd get straight off." Erwin replied, placing a soft kiss on Levi's cheek. The soft of kiss that used to fix everything, but now it just felt hollow and forced. Noting that Levi didn't seem his self, Erwin desperately wanted to get him to himself to make everything better again: to make love, to enjoy each other's bodies. He just needed to be close to him again, which was the main reason he'd come home in the first place. Seeing everyone else was just a spare front to cover the fact that he was trying to get his relationship on a sturdy path again.

“After this milkshake I think me and Levi are just going to head to mine. What are your plans, everyone?” Erwin announced, clearly trying to show to Levi that Marie was definitely heading home after this, and he was going to have him to himself.

“Me and Nan are going home, I think. Petra was saying something about heading out with Oluo after? I think that’s her new boyfriend.” Mike replied.

“I’m going to see my parents.” Marie said, “Will you still drop me home please, Erwin?” Her voice whined: it shot right through Levi, she sounded like a petulant brat.

Erwin just nodded in response to her question, not wanting to communicate with her anymore in front of Levi, not wanting to ruin his birthday even more than it already was. It was then that Levi shuffled back into his boyfriend, wrapping possessive arms around his neck and kissing him all over – Marie’s icy glare just looked on as the action happened. But Erwin didn’t seem to notice, and just bathed in his boyfriends attention instead: _this is what we need_.

Petra returned to the table with the milkshakes and handed them out to each person, and took charge of the conversation, slowly creating a much more pleasant tone talking about things at college, and she told them all about her new boyfriend with a blush on her face the entire time. She had also made sure to leave Marie completely out of the conversation, mainly for the benefit of her best friend - who kept nudging her to look towards Marie, looking lost and left out. Levi's spirits slowly lifted.  

After another few hours sat around the table, everyone decided it was best to head home as it now was approaching almost seven at night: Marie still there, which Levi couldn't understand since she had barely said a word the entire time and just sat close to Erwin, but not as close as Levi was. He'd also noted that Erwin too had stopped talking to her properly, and instead was putting his full attention on his old friends making Levi extremely happy. Agreeing to leave, people stood up from the table and thanked the bar staff for the quiet afternoon, walking to cars and parting ways. Erwin, Levi, and Marie headed to the formers car and sat in it, Levi in the front seat.

The vehicle remained silent until Marie was dropped home; she thanked him quietly for the lift and Erwin replied quickly that he’d come and collect her in the morning to take her back to Mitras, his eyes remaining on the road the entire time he spoke despite the car not moving. In the morning, Mitras University had its first mock exams to sit, and so they would have to be back no later than ten which meant an early night for everyone, and an even earlier rise. 

Levi and Erwin enjoyed the rest of the car ride together, still in silence but with a more comfortable air now that the tension had left with Marie. Levi was still bothered deeply about the fact she had come in the first place, and about the face that Mike had passed to Nan once the name was mentioned, but he wanted to forget about that for the rest of the day and just enjoy his evening with his long distance boyfriend, rather than making it all into another big argument because of her.

The door swung open, and Erwin was greeted warmly from his family, as was Levi. They sat together for a while in the living area, where Erwin received the new bookcase for his flat gratefully, giving both his parents a loving squeeze. However, he could sense that Levi wanted some alone time with him and so told his parents that they were heading to bed, which they just smiled at before the couple left the room. Levi was practically half way up the stairs before Erwin even finished saying goodnight. 

Instead of joining Erwin straight away in bed, the usual nighttime routine had to be fulfilled: Levi enjoyed the familiar shower, washing in the familiar body wash. He enjoyed drying in towels that smelt of home, climbing into his pajamas he kept at Erwin's, and walking back into the room putting all his attention on how everything felt like home rather than letting his mind wander to Marie again. _Just focus on Erwin, just now. We can talk in the morning_. 

“Levi, is everything okay?” Erwin asked, as Levi came back from the bathroom in his nightwear, his phone in hand and glasses on face. Before replying, he climbed into the covers and sat up besides his boyfriend.

“Yeah, why?”

“I'm just concerned about how today panned out. I am truly sorry about Marie staying the entire time, she told me she'd be getting off.” Erwin looked concerned, and slightly worried about Levi’s possible response. Levi sighed quietly, not wanting to go into it on his birthday, and instead pushed it aside.

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry I brought her, Levi.” He replied, kissing his head.

“Its fine we can talk about her tomorrow, I’m tired now. I've had enough of that topic for today.”

“That’s fine, Levi.” Erwin replied, as he reached over to the switch on the wall and turned the light off, snuggling into the covers. “Thank you again for my gifts. I’m so glad I got to come home to visit you on my birthday. And now I'm lucky enough to fall asleep with the man I love. The man I love with my entire heart, and always will.”

Levi noticed that Erwin had spoken about his love often recently, and always in the same way: it was like a mantra, like he had to keep saying it to believe it, like he had to keep saying it to keep Levi believing in him. But again, for the benefit of the loving evening ahead, Levi pushed the thought to the side and melted into Erwin as strong arms wrapped around him. 

“Me too Erwin. I have really, really missed you.” The warmth of his love engulfed Levi, making him feel safe and protected again for the first time in a while. He never realised how much he needed the loving arms to surround him until they met again in that touch; he never realised how much he missed Erwin's considerate nature until it was there, checking he was okay and kissing him softly when he needed it. 

Overwhelmed with the heat he was feeling, Levi climbed on top of his boyfriend in the bed, kissing him all over - gently at first, before he began to feel needy and wanting. Erwin responded to the actions with the same amount of pressure, following Levi's suggestive nature. He kissed his cheeks, lips, neck, ears. He slowly began to make his way down the large body before climbing back up, locking lips. The kisses started gentle, and the whole act remained as soft and loving. Erwin was extremely tender, and even as Levi tried to make it rough, it was clear the blonde wanted to demonstrate his love for Levi, kissing every inch of his body, taking care with him, loving him. They came together, collapsing into a pleasant heap of love and warmth.

They hadn’t had the needy, aggressive sex since the first time they met up at Mitras. Instead, Erwin always took the opportunity to ensure Levi knew and felt how much he was treasured and valued, and Levi really loved it. He loved feeling so close to Erwin after being apart for so long, and recently he loved the fact that it was him getting to soft touches rather than Marie.

After, the couple snuggled together in bed and Levi thought that everything might be alright between them after all, as long as Marie didn’t get in the way anymore. Deciding that everything would be alright in the morning, the thoughts of Marie were put to bed as Levi himself fell into slumber - sleeping soundly in the arms he felt so very safe in.

_I just need to talk to Erwin tomorrow. I trust him with my entire life._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow? I honestly don't know how else to react to the amount of people that have read my work or have left kudos. It's so kind and lovely of you all, and it truly means the absolute world. I know I keep saying this but it's so true, so thank you all so, so damn much.


	24. The Beginning of the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things were hard for Levi and Erwin, and it was finally showing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there's any spelling mistakes or grammar errors please let me know! I didn't have time to triple check over everything, but wanted to get this posted as I said I'd post every few days. I hope you all enjoy xxx

The sun shining through the window awoke Erwin in the way that he was so familiar to at home, the crisp autumnal air sending a shiver throughout his body as he stretched, waking himself up even more. But as soon as his limbs returned under the cover, he felt nothing but warmth, his loving boyfriend curled up beside him looking peaceful; the only time that Levi ever truly looked at harmony with himself was when he was fast asleep. But Erwin wanted to spend as much time with his boyfriend as possibly before leaving to head home soon, and placed a gentle kiss on the tip of Levi’s pointy nose.

The smaller man squirmed and shuffled his nose, trying to get rid of the thing that was causing it to tickle making a content Erwin huff in laughter slightly. Levi slowly managed to peel his eyes open, rubbing at his eyes with a scowl. He still hated mornings, even when they meant waking up to Erwin.

But once the pleasantries of seeing the handsome man beside him, Levi’s mind flew back to the memory of why he was grumpy yesterday. The memory of the gift that she’d bought Erwin, but more importantly the memory of the scowl Mike pulled towards Nanaba at the mention of her name: a scowl that Levi rarely saw on the man, despite being friends for so many years.

Levi didn’t want to talk about it straight away, and was hoping the harsh feelings wouldn’t linger for long. He shuffled closer to his partner, letting Erwin embrace him in a loving cuddle for a while. Usually Levi wasn’t this clingy on a morning, however he knew that once they both got up Erwin would have to begin getting ready for the journey home almost right away, especially since he had an exam that afternoon.

They held each other for as long as feasibly possibly, before Levi detached himself and wordlessly slumped to the bathroom. He felt groggy and tired from the night before, and the thought of Marie still hadn’t left his thoughts. His small body climbed under the hot water as he thoroughly scrubbed his entire body, trying to scrub the thought of her out with it: but it wouldn’t leave. Sighing, Levi climbed out and brushed his teeth quickly before getting dried. _I’ll have to talk to him now, otherwise it’ll just eat away at me_.

The bathroom door unlocked as the small man finished tying the rope around the dressing gown he kept at Erwin’s. The latter was nowhere to be seen in his room, so Levi sat down on the sofa in the living space waiting patiently for Erwin to reappear, which he did soon after Levi managed to begin to collect his thoughts on how to approach the topic.

“Good morning, Levi. All showered?” Erwin asked kindly, putting a tray down on the table with two croissants and a pot of tea for two. His voice was gentle, soft, and soothing. Levi always felt himself melting into it, however he needed to focus on the task at hand: he needed to address his annoyance with Marie before they could finally enjoy the morning together.

In response to Erwin’s question, Levi nodded before picking up a steaming hot croissant, taking a small bite, and placing it neatly on the plate before him. Erwin took this opportunity to sit opposite his boyfriend, pouring tea into the cups and saucers on the tray. Levi sighed.

“So, I’m pissed off about Marie.” Levi mumbled out aggressively, his previous plans of starting the conversation slipping from his tongue. He couldn’t be bothered trying to speak like Erwin: he knew that just being crass and honest was the best way to approach things. Levi was never that good with words, anyway.

“I’m truly sorry, Levi. I honestly didn’t think she’d hang around, I thought I’d just drop her off and she’d head off straight home once I got to the party.” There was a slight wobble in his voice, Levi noted. Something that usually calm and collect Erwin did not possess. However, Levi wasn’t buying it.

“I don’t just give a shit about the fact she stayed. What was with her funny looks at me the entire time?” He snapped, glaring towards Erwin. The last thing Levi wanted to do was get overly annoyed, however Erwin wasn’t understanding the whole reason behind the conversation: it wasn’t just about the day prior.

“I didn’t notice any funny looks, Levi.” Erwin’s brows furrowed.

Levi wafted his arms around as if to brush his boyfriends’ sentence away: he didn’t want the discussion to become a petty back and forth debate about whether they saw something or not. “Yeah whatever.” Pausing, his thoughts gathered again and before Erwin could speak he butted in, “Anyway, I mentioned it to Mike that she was coming to your party thing, and he pulled this _face_ towards Nanaba like they knew something I didn’t. So do they? I know you’ve spoken to Mike in the last few months, I’m not stupid.”

Erwin just looked on at Levi with utter confusion displayed on his face, but Levi knew that he was just stalling, trying to think of something witty and clever to say in response to Levi. But now was not a time for clever words, or calm tones. Levi was getting wound up and completely ready to snap. “And what’s with her stupid present anyway?”

“I’m not sure why she’d bought me that large present, Levi. And I also do not know what face you’re on about from Mike.”

Levi rolled his eyes, “Right. Erwin Smith I’ve known you for over ten years, I know when you’re lying.”

“I’m not, Levi.” He paused, looking down exasperated. “It’s just. God, I don’t know.” Sentence by sentence Erwin voice was showing signs of weakness, showing signs of secrets. And Levi noticed this, knowing Erwin far too well to be able to see when he was hiding something. The thought just aggravated Levi.

“Fucking tell me Erwin. Don’t you _dare_ lie to me.” Levi said, raising his voice slightly. His eyes had grown wider in both shock and anger, his accent showing through more like it usually did when he was angry. However, in his mind Levi kept repeating to himself that it wouldn’t be as bad as Erwin was making it out to be. _This is Erwin, Erwin Smith. He’s a fucking softy, he’s kind and loving and_ -

“Levi, I’m not sure how to tell you.” Erwin looked up at Levi at this point, looking deeply into the grey eyes that had begun to shake slightly. _He’s my boyfriend, I trust him with my entire life, its fine. Marie is just an obsessive bitch, just fancying him and following him around -_

Erwin took a very deep breath in. “Marie and I shared a kiss, Levi.”

Levi’s thoughts cut off immediately. The words that his boyfriend spoke echoing round the silent room, his boyfriends’ eyes beginning to wobble. Everything was numb, everything utterly silent. Erwin wasn’t trying to explain himself, he was sitting their completely quiet and useless, eyes darting around.

But Levi’s look grew sickening: his eyes wide, mouths opening and closing slowly with no noise coming out. He stared on for a few seconds, before beginning to dart his gaze around the room, trying to look for something: anything to focus on instead of the break in his body, the panic in his stomach. The image of Marie’s smirking face, the thought of her lips locking his boyfriends – the familiar lips that reminded him of nothing but safety and home. The small mans’ heart pounded harshly in his chest, battering against the now very frail feeling rib cage. He was trying to think of a way to confront this: trying to be rational about the best outcome for this entire situation. But he couldn’t.

Everything was too different.

“You did what?” a fragile voice slipped from his mouth, and the small body genuinely felt hurt: he felt stabbed through the heart, all trust gone.

Erwin was too drawn out of the silence, panic in his voice: worry about where the conversation was going to go. “It meant nothing, it was an accident.”

Levi laughed harshly. “An accident? A fucking _accident_?!”

“Levi truly I love you with my entire heart.”

“How the hell am I meant to be able to trust you, Smith? How the fuck do you expect me to do that when you live so far away and go kiss the girl that literally poisoned my body?!”

“Well, how am I meant to trust you too Levi? All you ever talk about these days are your new friends. You’re always too busy for me, you’re always messaging Petra and Eld. You’re always going on about him, maybe I thought something was going on between the two of you.”

“So you kissed Marie? Cos you thought I was with Eld?!” Levi sat further forward, and ran a hand through his hair scraping it back from his face. “Don’t you dare put this on me, Erwin. This is your fucking fault! You’ve kissed another person! I’ve not gone so far as hug Eld, who by the way, is just a friend! And I don’t fucking fancy him.”

“I’m just jealous, worried that you’re moving on with your new life whilst I’m stuck in Mitras being miserable. And I’m not passing the blame, not at all. I know I’m in the wrong. However, she was the one who leant into me and kissed me – I was caught off guard, unsure of what to do, so I kissed her back. Nothing happened after that, it was a mistake. I told her that as soon as it happened.”

“I can’t fucking believe you.” Levi said, standing up looking around flustered, before grabbing his bag and quickly climbing into his clothes, throwing the dressing gown aggressively onto the bed as he did so. “After everything she did to me?” He scoffed in annoyance, smiling at the stupidity of what Erwin was saying. His body wasn’t sure how to react: in anger, in sadness. He didn’t know what to do so focussed solely on getting into clothes as quick as possible.

The sudden movement of his boyfriend caused Erwin to get up and walk over to him. “Levi, wait please. Honestly it was a mistake. I know you wouldn’t cheat on me with Eld, I don’t know what came over me. I just, it just got so hard not being with you and I was lonely. Look, please don’t go Levi.” He was practically begging: but Levi had had enough.

Erwin tried to grab Levi’s arm to stop him from getting dressed but the smaller man shrugged and pushed him off, slipping another foot into his trousers and fastening them before slipping a jumper on. The whole outfit was messy, belt buckle too tight, jumper sloping on one shoulder. Hair scuffed, eyes puffy.  

“No, I’m not waiting Erwin. That’s it. I’m done with you. I’m not going to date a fucking cheat. Especially when the person they cheated on me with is Marie.”

Panic flew through Erwin’s body, his heart pounding quickly and his eyes beginning to water. “Levi please, don’t say that. Look, we can sort this out, I promise. Please.” Stray tears fell down his cheek as he watched Levi finish slipping clothes on.

Levi stopped getting dressed and picked his back up from the floor, throwing it over his shoulder. “Erwin we’ve been a mess for months now because of her! I asked you months ago to avoid her. I repeatedly told you I was unhappy. But look, here we are, you going back to kiss your ex as I suspected.”

“We can make it work, Levi. I love you so much, more than anything in the world.” The tall man tried to go towards the other and hug him, but he was pushed aside by the strong frame.

“No!” Levi shouted, moving far away from Erwin. He roughly grabbed the ring from his finger and snatched it off, looking over it one more time before throwing it harshly into the sofa.

The promise ring that Erwin had given him for his birthday, the promise ring that Levi copied and bought for his boyfriend in return for their last school dance. But all those promises had broken.

“Sorry, Erwin.” Levi said, walking out of the room without even looking behind him. The bedroom door slammed shut behind him, and he practically ran down the stairs as quick as possible to get as far away from the room as he could. He couldn’t let his true emotions shine through right now, he felt too tender and didn’t want to expose it to his now ex-boyfriend. Once at the bottom, he heard the bedroom door reopen as a shocked Erwin came running down, crying his eyes out and calling Levi’s name.

“Levi wait! Please!”

“Erwin no, I’m going.” Levi said, slipping another shoe on. He sniffled slightly, but tried to keep the tears at bay not wanting to show his weakness now. He wanted to remain looking strong in this, since nothing was his fault.

Mrs Smith appeared in the hall way after hearing the commotion, mainly her son practically screaming, unsure of what to expect or know what was going on between the seemingly perfect couple. “What’s happened, you two? Is everything okay? I heard shouting and door slamming.”

“Mum Levi’s leaving me!” Erwin cried out pathetically, his voice breaking and a deep cry flowing from his mouth. She walked over to her son and wrapped an arm around him so he could put his head on his shoulder, burying it into her neck. Throughout her lifetime, she had never seen Erwin so distraught: not even when his sister moved abroad, not even after his first real break up. It was clear how much Levi meant to him.

Mrs Smith looked towards Levi for advice on the whole thing, as if for some clue about why he was leaving him or what had actually happened over the last few months of not being together in person. But Levi wasn’t ready to talk to her, Levi didn’t want to look at her apologetic face, he didn’t want to see his strong ex-boyfriend completely broken, he couldn’t take it. He felt a mess and was in too much shock over the fact that Erwin Smith, an honest and loyal man, had kissed another girl whilst being with him.

“I’m sorry. I’ve got to go.” Levi practically whispered, a small tear flowing from his eye as he walked out of the house and phoned Kuchel to come and pick him up as quickly as possible, whilst he sat on the curb of Erwin’s house and let the panic finally consume him.

*****

The front door slammed shut inside the Smith household as Levi’s petite body walked through the exit, possibly for the last time. All that could be heard was the soothing clicking of the grandfather clock contrasting with the harsh sobs leaving Erwin’s mouth. Mrs Smith stood beside her son: not moving him from the position he arranged himself in, head resting on her shoulder. Mrs Smith’s mothering hand stroked his hair comfortingly, soothingly. She waited for a while patiently, before the wailing shallowed where she guided him to stand up slightly.

“Erwin sweetie, what was all that about?” Mrs Smith asked kindly, leading her son into the kitchen to sit at the breakfast counter – but she wasn’t going to get a response out of him, not when he was in the state he was. She had never seen him so frail: too distraught to even string a few words together to form a sentence. Worried about her son, Mrs Smith did what she thought would be best: she walked into the main kitchen area, filling up the kettle and putting it on to boil, all the while passing caring glances towards Erwin.

After a few moments of silence, with nothing but the bubbling of water as background music, the weeping man decided to speak up, his crying subsidising.

“Mum it’s all my fault.” Realisation struck of the fact that he’d betrayed the man he loved. He didn’t want to kiss Marie, and she did implement it, but he should have told Levi as soon as it had happened and stopped speaking to her. But the reason he didn’t, the reason he stayed her friend to make nothing look suspicious was ultimately the downfall of the relationship: the one thing he was trying to stop from happening. He sighed loudly, breath shaking.

Waiting to see if anything else would be added to the sentence, Mrs Smith pulled two large mugs from the top cupboard in the kitchen, the cupboard where fun cups and special mugs were placed with ages on, or family pictures. They were only used when there was an emotional chat, or a celebration. Upon realising that he wasn’t going to add any more words, Mrs Smith decided to use the opportunity to speak before finishing making the tea.

“Erwin, sweetheart. I’m sure it wasn’t all your fault at all. It’s completely normal for relationships to fall apart especially when distance is involved.” She assumed that jumping to that conclusion would enable Erwin to speak more about his feelings.

The room fell back to silence, so she quickly poured the kettle water into the two cups and carried them both back to the breakfast bar, retrieving a small saucer for the tea bags to sit on and a spoon. Erwin just nodded as a silent way of thanks, as his mother placed her bum on the chair beside him and ran her hand over his back in a warming, circular motion.

“It’s not the distance.” Erwin said, wrapping his hands around the boiling cup before him.

“Oh, I see. Is it anything you want to talk about?”

Erwin inhaled deeply. “I didn’t mean for it to happen mum, it just did. Oh god, I can’t believe it.” A hand removed and placed on his forehead, running fingers through his hair in an exasperated manner. “I kissed her back, didn’t I? Marie kissed me and I did back. And then I carried on talking to her. Oh, god.” His voice was coming out as a moan, and Mrs Smith just continued to rub his back softly, now growing to understand why Levi had reacted in the way he did.

However, she couldn’t scold him for breaking another man: he was her one and only son, so it was her job to support him and ensure his emotions were stable.

“Erwin, sweetie. How did that happen?”  

“I don’t know. She’s just been there for me, and I didn’t even notice her original advances. University is lonelier than I thought it would be and she was comforting. The second we parted I regretted it. I should never have become close to her again, it wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair on Levi.” His voice was slowly becoming more stable yet hollow, taking small tips of the piping hot tea as he spoke to his mother.

“If University is making you feel alone, always talk to us. That’s what parents are here for – we’re all here to support you, to help you through this. I know Marie is a home comfort there, but we’re all still here and haven’t abandoned you, please make note of that.”

“I know mother, just it was a spur of the moment thing. Hange seems to be spending most of their free time with Moblit, and Marie had broken up with Nile and was finding it hard too. So we clicked. I never thought it would lead to that.” He sighed, “Do you think Levi would forgive me?”

This was the first time he dared to look up and lock eyes with his mother: the first time she saw the wobbling blue, rippling like the tea. The first time she’d looked into them eyes and not seen any shine of hope or joy; no sign that her own son was displayed in front of her. Mrs Smith took the chance to wrap her arms around her son, who in turn returned the affection.

“I’m not in a place to say whether Levi would forgive you sweetheart. But you’re a wonderful person, an amazing young man. Just give him the time to realise that. I wouldn’t message him first, or make contract. Let him.”

“Okay mother.”

“And please speak to us when you’re feeling lonely.” Her own voice was beginning to shake: it was hard enough seeing her son with so much pain on his shoulders, but even more so that he was struggling and not speaking to anyone about it, not allowing anyone to help him through the troubles at University.

“I will do. Sorry mother.”

“You never have to apologise to me for anything!” Mrs Smith exclaimed, pulling herself from her son’s grasp and resting his arms gently down his sides, her looking on at him with nothing but care and love.

“I need to go and have some time to myself before I have to head back to Mitras.” He stood up slowly, sipping a little more of his tea before the large body almost left the kitchen doorframe.

“I’ll make you some food for the journey. And just call if you need anything at all, me or your father.”

“Yeah, thanks mum.”

Erwin dragged his now very heavy body up the stairs that seemed never ending. The very stairs that he had just chased his now ex-boyfriend down in a frenzy to get him back, to talk to him. The thought of having to go back into his bedroom stung his heart. The last scene there, the last memory that he could place being Levi getting dressed frantically trying to get out of the house as quick as possible. His heart felt torn once the door was opened.

The bed looked inviting, and Erwin found himself climbing back into it, clinging onto the dressing gown that Levi had upon his body just that morning. The fabric still warm, the scent still fresh – a perfect mixture of the cleansing shower gel and Levi’s natural body odour. Erwin felt himself melting into it, breathing the scent in deeply.

It was then that the true stab was felt through his heart. The true realisation that Levi, a man who had been the solid rock in his life since he was eight, had now left and there was a chance he would not see him again. The pain overtook his body, and Erwin curled up and sobbed like a baby until there was no tears left before needing to get off to pick Marie up.

*****

A soon as the call came through, Kuchel got the keys and sped the whole way to Erwin’s. A deep pit formed in her heart just imaging the pain her son must be going through. Whilst he didn’t say much on the phone, she immediately jumped to the only legible conclusion in regards to what he son had spoken about.

The roads were quiet enough, so Miss Ackerman managed to pull up outside Erwin’s in less than ten minutes, a new record for her. The scene that fell in front of her eyes was traumatising: her loving son, her strong son, curled up in a ball crying his eyes out. The door swung open as she descended onto the path to sit in front of her son and talk him through the attack he was in.

The whole action had now begun to feel alien to her. It has been a very long time since Kuchel had helped her son through a panic attack since his improvements at college and talking to the therapist. It just emphasized how bad things truly were, how upset he clearly was. The whole situation felt severe and harsh, and in that moment Kuchel had never felt so much pain for her young son.  

Soon enough the attack was over, leaving the man laying down on the pavement feeling weak. It was unusual that Levi didn’t run off straight after, usually wanting to hide his face from everyone as it was often left red and puffy. However now he was too weak, too unable to move any part of his body. Sideways, he collapsed into his mother who held him softly.

He wasn’t too sure how to feel about the whole thing. He felt annoyed and deflated, disgusted that his own boyfriend could cheat on him with Marie. He wanted to scream, wanted to cry. But he knew that no noise would come out of him – he was drained, emotionally and physically. Kuchel tried to look into his eyes for any hint of emotion, but he was completely distant to her.

“Oh Levi, what’s happened sweetie?” Kuchel asked gently, not wanting to anger him or disturb him. However, in order to help she needed to understand completely what was going on and happening inside her sons head. Much to her surprise, he actually responded.

“I’ve left him, I’ve left Erwin mum. He kissed Marie so I’ve left him.” He breathed in and put a hand to his forehead, twisting so he was laying backwards looking up at his mum, but his eyes were distant and not taking her in properly. “Shit, I’ve actually left him.” Quietly left his mouth.

“Levi, sweetie. I’m so, so sorry that this has happened to you. How are you feeling as a whole?” Her voice was steady and calm, but inside she was raging. It was the last thing she’d expected from Erwin, prior to this expose she assumed they’d fallen out because of the distance.

“Shocked?” He answered, not able to find any other words good enough to describe what he was feeling at that moment.

She ran a hand through his hair stoking it down, before shifting him to sit up slightly and standing up herself. “Let’s get you home, sweetie.”

Levi nodded and dragging himself into his mum’s car ignoring the bag that he’d left outside his ex-boyfriend’s house. He let Kuchel fuss over him as she checked his seatbelt was on properly and asked questions about his mental health, before picking the bag from the floor and placing it in the boot. Surprisingly, Levi was yet to feel the real surge of sadness through his body: he was truly shocked at what had happened, he didn’t anticipate actually leaving Erwin, maybe just having a very stern discussion and fixing everything. But as soon as he heard he’d kissed the girl that had helped spike him, he couldn’t take it anymore. It was her fault he’d let Farlan and Isabel down, her fault that a chemical entered his once clean body. And Erwin had kissed her.

Soon after the pair arrived back at their family flat, Kuchel giving Levi keys to let himself in as she took the bag from the boot and followed up closely behind him. He stayed very distant as Kuchel seated him on the sofa, helping remove his shoes and wrapping their largest, warmest blanket over his aching body. She tucked him in, kissing his forehead softly, as a film was put on in the background to distract him.

An array of Levi’s favourite snacks were placed on the table before him: sweets, crisps, some fruit, and juice. But he wasn’t hungry and couldn’t bring himself to eat, so collapsed into the sofa and let the comfort of the fabric consume his tired body.

The rest of the day was spent in the same way that it was when Isabel and Farlan had passed away; the same way it was spent the day of the funeral. Kuchel snuggled up to Levi on the sofa, his head resting in her lap. The warmth of his mother made him feel safe and secure: he felt protected when she was around, similarly to how he did with Erwin but it was different, something unconditional.

They didn’t even bother to move for the entirety of the day; they didn’t bother to speak either. Erwin was probably on his way back to Mitras, or even sitting his mock exam by this point, but Levi didn’t want to say anything about that. Instead he focused on the soft muffled sounds of the television in the background, of the comforting hand placed on his head.

Soon enough the evening fell dark and it was approaching bedtime. It was here that Levi decided to open his mouth, wanting to keep his mother by his side for as long as possible. Being alone in the day would have been bearable in his distant state, but on a night it would have haunted him. So when he asked Kuchel to sleep on the sofa beside him, she obliged without any questions, turning the lights off straight away and snuggling under the blanket beside her son.

Honestly Kuchel was thankful that Levi had asked her to stay with him through the night. She’d never seen him disassociate in the way he appeared to be doing, and was worried that something might trigger inside him, encouraging him to leave the world again. By sleeping beside him, a watchful eye would be present if there was to be an emergency or a harsh nightmare. But much to Kuchel’s surprise, Levi drifted off before her, exhaustion finally taking over his body.

The morning after, the feelings still weren't present for Levi. He felt nothing but shock, and the occasional stab of annoyance and anger. But the day was growing boring, the T.V playing the same restless music, the same four walls cornering him into the sofa with the heavy blanket over his shoulders. Soon enough, Levi started to get agitated, pacing around the flat trying to find anything to do, something to give him feelings, but for a while he couldn't. That was until he looked at his phone, sending a few quick texts to the one person he thought would be able to make him _feel_. 

Levi dashed out of his bedroom, grabbing a towel on the way ready to go straight to the bathroom. “Mum can you take me somewhere in twenty, please?” 

Surprised at her sons sudden need to do something, Kuchel looked up from her book and looked at him with a kind smile. “Yes of course sweetie. Go get ready, and I will too." She didn't bother to start conversation about where he was needing to dash off to yet, she was just grateful that her son was wanting to do something and was actually speaking. The fact he hadn't being overly emotional yet did worry her, but everyone took bad news differently. She briefly remembered him not crying for weeks after his best friends died, until he finally released everything in a fit of screams and wails. The memory made her shiver.

 

Levi was showered and dressed in a matter of minutes, not wanting to linger or mess about. His room was too hard to reside in; too many open thoughts of Erwin were still in there, and he didn't feel like he had the energy to sort through gifts and clothes left by Erwin just yet. He wanted to get out of the flat, he wanted to go somewhere where no thoughts of Erwin would exist.

He stood by the doorway waiting for his mother, his shoes on his feet and his coat on his back. Moments later, Kuchel closed her bedroom door and grabbed her car keys, a worried smile on her face.

“Ready?”

*****

Kuchel drove him to his destination and dropped him there, telling Levi she’d be back in a few hours to get him before dinner. He thanked her, and walked up to the large front door of the block of halls, tapping in the numbers of the flat he was going to. Nothing but revenge on Erwin was in his mind now: the shock finally simmering down, and he just wanted to get his ex-boyfriend back for betraying him so deeply.

The buzzer went off letting Levi into the student building near the local college. He got into the lift, taking him up to the fourth floor. There, he walked to room 405 giving it a knock and waiting outside, tapping his foot on the floor.

The tall blonde man appeared in joggers and a t-shirt, hair tied back in its usual style, a cautious smile on his face.

“Hi, Levi come in.” Eld said, stretching his arm out so the smaller man could walk in, before shutting the door and locking it behind. As soon as he turned back around and faced Levi, the smaller man threw himself upwards lips locking and kissing passionately. Eld stepped back, taken aback slightly at the sudden movement and very flustered at the action.

“I want to forget him, Eld.” Levi said, trying to reach up to meet lips again, but Eld held him down by the shoulders and looked him right in the eyes.

“Levi, this isn’t the way to do it. Look, shall I order us some food and watch something on the TV? Or I could run you a nice hot bath? My mum sent me some new bath things including a bath bomb, you can use that if you’d like.” He led Levi to the sofa and let him sit down, but Eld hovering around it rather than sitting down straight away.

“No, Eld. Can you just, can you just come here? Please?” He looked up to his friend with needy eyes, a begging voice. Eld had never seen the smaller man so desperate before, so much in need of something.

“Look, Levi. I know I do really like you, but I don’t want to just be a thing to use to forget your ex. If we’re ever going to sleep together, I want it to mean something.” Eld said, sighing at the same time. “I too wouldn’t want you to regret something, for example Erwin might get back to you shortly then you probably would hate me for letting you sleep with me in a break.”

Eld flopped down on the sofa beside his friend, and smiled at his comfortingly. He didn’t want to upset him by saying no, but as he just said, he didn’t want him to regret it or just be a post break up shag.

Realising what he’d asked his friend to do, Levi paused what he was doing and instead ran shaking hands through his black hair, rubbing into his scalp as he did so. He didn’t mean to make Eld uncomfortable, or use him to help him forget the fall out he’d just had.

“I’m sorry Eld, I didn’t even think.” Levi announced.

Shaking his head, “No it’s okay, don’t apologise. It’s really tough, breaking up with someone. Look, I’ll order some food and we can watch some films.” Eld stood up and began faffing, putting an order through on his phone and setting his TV up to put some comedic films on for Levi.

He then grabbed some freshly washed pyjamas for Levi to put on, and despite being too big he still did so, appreciating the gesture that someone was there for him when he was feeling so low. The warmth of the large clothes covered his body, and he snuggled down into the sofa pulling the sleeves over his hands and putting them under his head like a pillow.

Once the pizza’s had arrived and were eaten, Levi and Eld sat together on the sofa watching the film, Eld trying to pass jokes every once in a while which did make Levi curl his lips slightly, but he was still feeling heavy and his heart aching. He was truly glad to have his friend be there for him despite the circumstances; and just being around someone who didn’t know Erwin seemed to lift his mood slightly.

Kuchel arrived at Eld’s just an hour later, but Levi had fallen asleep soundly on the sofa. The flat owner managed to get up quietly and help Kuchel find her way around the block of flats, making her a quick juice and letting her take a seat at his dining table. He sat opposite her and began to chat about college, what he was studying, what they’d done that afternoon. He told her how Levi seemed to be doing regarding the break up, and she was very relieved to hear that he’d managed to have a few laughs that afternoon and seemed to be slowly improving.

A few moments later, Levi shifted around on the sofa waking up to the noises coming from the other side of the room, near the kitchen. It was then that the real pain and realisation struck him: he wasn’t in Erwin’s pyjamas, not asleep after listening to Erwin’s dad jokes all afternoon while watching his films, not waking up to listening to Kuchel and Erwin talk about something unimportant, not waking up in Erwin’s arms.

The pain struck through him light lightning, and he curled up in a ball and let his emotions flow out not caring where he was or who he was truly with. As soon as the soft whimpering was heard from the sofa, Kuchel got up and walked over to him telling him it would be best to get up and dressed. Levi took in a deep breath and did as he was told, using the bathroom to get back into his original clothes and thanking Eld for the afternoon as quickly as he could.

As soon as he was done, Kuchel and Levi left Eld’s flat and went straight to the car; no words passed between the two on their journey there. It was as soon as the door was shut and he was with Kuchel that everything came flooding back, and the memory of Erwin wasn’t leaving his head no matter how much he tried to think of his afternoon with Eld.

On the way home he wailed in the car, crying so much Kuchel actually had to pull over numerous times to help settle him down and bring him back round, and it continued all the way home until he was just crying to himself silently on the sofa, remembering the past ten years he’d spent with his best friend and how there wouldn’t be any more of those since he’d ended the relationship.

That night he refused to sleep in the bed as he and Erwin had shared it too often, and the entire room just reminded him of his ex-lover. He didn’t even bother getting up to shower, and instead let himself melt away into the sofa as the sounds of the television blurred into the background. Kuchel sat with him, comforting him as best as she could. It was equally as hard for her, seeing her son go through so much pain. The first break up of a real relationship was always the hardest, and it was clear that it was the case for Levi.

He finally managed to fall asleep later that night, but kept waking up with dreams of Erwin flooding his brain. He remembered the face of sorrow that Erwin displayed, the face of regret and true apologies. He should have given him time to explain himself better: Erwin always had an explanation for everything, but he hadn’t even given him time to express it.

_Shit._

_What the hell have I done?!_


	25. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the break up, both sides were putting their bravest foot forward and trying to move on in the ways they thought best.

Erwin managed to get back into the swing of University a few weeks after his break up once he started feeling more himself again. The mock the day of the break up went terribly, as did the drive home, Erwin hardly having the energy to drive all that way and Marie having to take the wheel half way home. The two hardly spoke throughout the entire ride home, just an unpleasant silence hanging in the vehicle. Once back in Mitras, Marie parted ways from Erwin and told him to spend some time by himself to think things over; she didn't want to make him feel more uncomfortable, and pressure him into a new relationship. This led to Hange spending a lot of time with Erwin at his flat; he chose to miss the few weeks of University to get his head straight, and his old High School friend was a massive support for this. 

There were a lot of tears them few weeks, a lot of tubs of ice cream eaten, a lot of love films with sad endings watched, a lot of talking, and then finally Erwin felt he was ready to throw himself back into college life and head out to study and try to get back on track with everything. He finally drew to the conclusion that if Levi hadn't messaged him by now, they weren't going to get back together. Two weeks is enough time to think things over properly, and that time was given. However, Levi was always still on his mind: the true love of his life, and no one could replace him. After all, it was almost as though Levi was a part of him now, after spending so many years with the boy in his life. Suddenly him not being at the end of the phone felt alien to him.

After a good month of getting his work back on track, and his mental space being a lot more pleasant, autumn was already in full swing and it was already the middle of November. That was when Erwin decided to message Marie to arrange a date for the couple, and to use the birthday voucher he had received from the girl in conservation. Marie was ecstatic that her crush had actually felt himself again and messaged her, eager to go on the date with the handsome blonde. And Erwin, truthfully, was happy to hear from her and excited for the date too. He needed this refresher in the dating scene: he needed to move on now, forget as much as possible his past relationship with Erwin. He felt officially ready to begin to move on, properly. And Hange was happy for him.

Secretly, Hange was keeping conversation with Levi whilst attending to Erwin's needs as well. They hadn't actually managed to get much out of the smaller man, but from the sounds of it he too had managed to get back into his life again, forgetting about the fact he was cheated on and pushed away by his first. However, the brave act he was applying didn't fool Hange much and they wanted to put more attention on their best friend, and now Erwin was back to his usual self, they could do just that. One less person to worry about.

Erwin got to Marie's student accommodation at exactly seven at night, just as he promised (ever the polite). In his hand was a large bouquet of pink roses he'd collected fresh from the market that morning, and upon his body rested a very smart suit that his parents and sister had both bought him to help cheer him up through his break up. The bolo tie wasn't on him, and nor was any of the previous gifts from his ex-lover, deeming them too unlucky to wear on a new first date. It felt alien collecting someone to take them out for a romantic night that wasn't Levi, but Erwin tried his best to push that thought away as he waited for Marie.

Politely he tapped on the door and waited in silence, glancing around the halls he was stood in. She followed through a second later, wearing a gorgeous tight fitting red dress, her brown ringlets flowing down her sides. She had black heels on, yet still nowhere near as tall as her date who was stood smiling at the entrance: the thoughts of Levi quickly were pushed completely from Erwin's eyes at the sight of his gorgeous new date.

“Marie, you look beautiful.” Erwin said, stepping into her hall and kissing her gently on the cheek, causing her to smile.

“Thanks, Erwin. You look handsome as always.” Marie gave him a cheeky wink before glancing down at the pink flowers in front of her. "Oh Erwin, are those for me?"

"Yes, I picked them up for you this morning. I hope that's alright."

"Oh Erwin, they're _beautiful_." Her small hands took the flowers from his grasp. They were petite, he noticed, very similar to Levi's. However, the hands he'd be holding tonight looked much smoother and less rough, and the nails on them were delicately painted a deep red colour.

When Erwin was caught up in his thoughts, Marie had managed to run the flowers into her kitchen, placing them in the sink filled with water. She returned to the front door, locking it closely behind her and wrapping her arm through her date's. Erwin just smiled down at her, leading them both from the building and to the car parked outside the front of the block. Politely, the passenger door was opened for Marie who took her seat. Erwin followed round and climbed into the driver's position, starting the car up and slowly pulling out of the estate.

The car fell to a deadly silence: not the comfortable silence he'd often felt with Levi when they went on dates together, but the uncomfortable silence that filled rooms when conversation was hard to spark and get flowing. Quickly, Erwin resorted to talking about the plans for the evening together.

“I’m very excited for this meal, Marie. Thank you again for the voucher.” Erwin reported, welcoming noise into the deadly silent vehicle.

“Me too! I’ve always wanted to go here. You don’t need to thank me, silly. Anything for Commander Handsome.” Marie joked, laughing at her nickname for Erwin. He was pretty impressed with it too, smiling back at her, but drawing his eyes straight back to the road. _Safety first_! Mrs Smith always said that when in the car with her son, making sure his eyes were forward at all times.

He hadn’t been out, not properly anyway, since his break up with Levi just over a month ago. The trips from his safety of his flat were to the shop to buy more junk food, and once more stable, just to University to get notes from lectures and to complete work. None of these trips were with friends, and definitely no potential dates. He wasn't sure how to react now, having being alone or just with Hange for so long. The whole vibe was making him feel slightly nervous, and even more so that the last time he and Marie had spent time alone in the car was after the break up. But the thoughts were quickly pushed aside as he wanted this evening to move on from Levi; he wanted this evening because he liked Marie. It felt nice, to be with her again, just like a few years ago in the first few months of High School. 

“It’s like High School, except this time we don’t need an adult to drive us.” Marie said, reminiscing on the first time they dated.

“I was just thinking that.” Erwin smiled back at her. Marie immediately took that opportunity to talk about their previous relationship and basic chat about high school, making Erwin's shoulders finally slump as his nervousness subsided. They kept the conversation up until they arrived at the restaurant, where the car parked up neatly next to the entrance and Erwin climbed out, opening the door for his date, and taking her hand. She was leaning into him closely, struggling to walk steadily in her extremely high heels.

After locking up, the couple continued to hold hands and walked into the building. The waiter held the door open for them, took their jackets and coats, and then recorded the reservation they had made earlier that week. Kindly, the staff led the couple to a secluded table towards the back of the restaurant, a candle placed in the centre and a bottle of champagne in ice beside Erwin's chair. Seats were pulled out for both people, who obediently sat down smiling at one another. Erwin definitely hadn't experienced luxury like this for a while, but Marie seemed to settle right into it. 

“Thank you.” They echoed to the waiter, before taking the menu into their hands and reading over what they wanted to eat. Erwin’s mind kept drifting back to his date with Levi for his birthday - the last time he'd been out on a properly exclusive, romantic date. However, he couldn't think about that, not now. So he continued to peek up at Marie from the top of the menu and focus his attention solely on the beautiful girl sat opposite him on the table. Marie just began to speak, none stop. And eventually, Erwin could focus on just her again, and not of the small raven haired man back home.

The two enjoyed the food together: a shared starter of bruschetta and oysters, a main of lobster, and a desert of fondue with different fruits and sweets to dip into the chocolate. Of course, the scene was very romantic as Erwin fed his girlfriend pieces of chocolate covered strawberries, kissing chocolate from her chin and lips when it spilled. He wished he could have felt the spark that everyone seems to for events like this, however he couldn't and his heart just felt hollow. They were gentle, appropriate kisses: nothing too passionate, nothing more than a peck. It didn’t feel right without the scent of Levi there, Erwin thought, but he tried to ignore that thought yet again.

Once the meals were eaten and paid for with the vouchers, the two headed back to the car and for Erwin’s flat, holding hands until they were sat safely in the car, then once parked up Erwin protectively placed his arm around Marie’s waist, pulling her closely to him. The two were slightly tipsy from the free champagne shared over their dinner, giggling at the smallest of things all the way to the front door.

As soon as Erwin unlocked it, they were all over each other. He bent down slightly and locked his lips with Marie’s, who just as passionately returned the open mouthed kiss. Arms wrapped around Erwin’s neck, pulling him closer to her as his hands roamed her sides, her chest, her back. Hooking his large hands under her bum, he lifted her up and carried Marie to the bedroom, settling her down softly onto his bed.

The movements continued then, yet even more frantic. Marie began to undress Erwin, stripping his tie off first then unbuttoning his shirt aggressively, possessively. She scratched down his back and undid his belt buckle, eventually managing to push his trousers off with the heel of her shoe. Erwin then slid her dress off, and shoes, leaving her in just underwear before climbing under the covers with her.

The kissing continued, the roaming of hands got much more violent: scratching, nipping, squeezing. Clothes were completely removed as Marie straddled Erwin. She pushed herself down onto him firmly, releasing a moan as she did so. Erwin began to melt into the moment, despite the feeling of being inside her being so different, so _unusual_ compared to what he was now accustomed to. Nevertheless, it was still extremely pleasant. 

Marie was clearly very dominant in the bedroom, something that Erwin wasn’t too used to since he and Levi had very much equal positions, but he enjoyed it as something different: and it was definitely helping him take his mind off his ex, allowing himself to float into the moment and enjoy every movement the girl expressed on him.

Once completed, they ended up in a pile of limbs, Marie snuggling up to him, burrowing into his neck. A large arm wrapped round and protected her, pulling her close. She smelt of vanilla, and her long hair got tangled around his neck and tickled his throat. The thought was alien, the scents alien. He couldn’t help but wish it was Levi who he had just made love to, he couldn’t help but wish he was smelling the usual, comforting scent of Levi. He couldn’t help but wish he’d never gone to University in the first place just so he could still have Levi in his arms.

Eventually he managed to drift off, breathing in unison with the girl tangled around him. They stayed in the same position throughout the night, clinging onto each other. He breathed in the new scent that was filling his room, and placed a very small kiss on her forehead as she shuffled further into his body. He tried to smile, he tried to welcome the new, soft skin beside him. But, feeling increasingly guilty, he couldn't stop comparing it to Levi: the way he couldn't feel the soft hairs of legs, the smaller yet muscular body, the scent of Levi. It was very early in the morning that Erwin managed to finally drift off, squeezing his eyes tightly and only trying to picture Marie laid beside him. 

In the morning, he managed to wake up before his girlfriend and climbed out of bed as gently as he could, slipping on some jogging bottoms and walking to the kitchen to cook breakfast for Marie; the proper way to end a date night together. The place was a mess, when he walked in, not realising how he hadn’t looked after it since everything went downhill for him.

The kitchen sink was full of pots, and take out boxes laid over the worktops. Cups were left on the side with tea bags still in them, cutlery abandoned on the work top. There were no clean pans, and literally no work space. The tall blonde quickly got to work cleaning everything down, putting pots into his dishwasher and cleaning as quickly as possible so he could get started on his usual Smith pancakes.

Unfortunately for Erwin, the cleaning was nowhere near as good as it was the time Levi came round and cleaned it. Everything was put away in its home, the rubbish put neatly in the bin, the worktops wiped and on the surface it looked very sparkling, but underneath Erwin could just tell it wasn’t and he could almost hear Levi mocking him for it.

The sizzling of the pancake brought him back round to his senses as he flipped the last one in the pan and displayed it on top of the pile, bringing it to the table with his freshly squeezed orange juice and strawberries he’d got in just in case Marie did end up coming home after their date, so it was a good thing he did buy them. Just in time of the table being set, Marie appeared from the bedroom wearing nothing but Erwin’s shirt.

“Morning sleepy.” Erwin sung at the lady who wandered through with messy hair and a big, red love bite on her neck.

“Morning.” She grumbled, sitting down across from her boyfriend.

“Not a morning person I take it? Levi isn’t either.” Erwin reacted before realising what had left his mouth, “sorry, I don’t mean to mention him.”

“It’s fine. What’s for breakfast?” Marie asked, not fazed by the mention of an ex-partner. Instead, she was more concerned about what was going to fill her empty stomach after a vigorous night.

“I made some pancakes. We have strawberries, whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and fruit jam to go on them.” Erwin pointed at each item of food as he reeled off the list, proud at what he had made so early in the morning.

“Erwin have you forgotten? I don’t eat pancakes.” Marie groaned. “Do you just have some yogurt? I’ll eat that and strawberries.”

“Oh, sorry I must have forgotten. Um, yes I think I have some Greek yogurt, I’ll just go get it for you.” He felt disheartened, and a bit annoyed that he’d spent the morning cooking for her to refuse the food. Levi always ate what he cooked, even if he didn’t like it. He definitely wasn’t a spoiled brat that Marie was, and never took things like that for granted.

Sighing, the yogurt was brought to the table where he sat it down with a bowl and a spoon for Marie to enjoy, without a word of thanks from his girlfriend. He tried to ignore it, and instead tucked into the pancakes which now tasted quite bitter in his mouth.

“I forgot how good you were, Erwin. Especially compared to Nile.” Marie commented after eating half her breakfast, laughing as she did so.

“Oh, thank you.” Erwin blushed, chuckling slightly. It was an awkward thing to say over breakfast, but he took the compliment in any sense.

“To say you’ve been with a man for over a year, you know how to treat a lady.” She laughed even louder at that, before standing up and saying she was off to the bathroom to clean up before heading home, leaving the man sat in his seat feeling very awkward and embarrassed.

Once the room was clear, he pulled his phone from his pocket and read over the last messages from Levi from October time. No new texts showed; Levi still hadn't contacted him throughout their months of separation. But Erwin refused to delete the old texts, mainly so he could keep reading over them, trying to see how happy Levi had seemed in their relationship since Erwin moved to Mitras. He had done this many times, but nothing could be spotted.

Sighing, he too got up and ready to run Marie home, simply slipping on a t shirt and a pair of trainers, his joggers still on the lower half of the body, not bothering to wash before driving her back. She didn’t seem bothered about it in the slightest, and went home wearing the clothes from the night before with make-up smudged on her face and hair shoved into a messy ponytail: something that Levi would never have done, he always went home washed and pristine.

When Marie was gone and Erwin home, he cleaned the kitchen again quickly, mainly to distract himself from what had happened the night before. Now Marie was gone, nothing felt right to him and he hated himself for it. But the cleaning didn't distract him like it would have Levi, so Erwin opted to lay on his sofa and try to focus on something else. Like how beautiful Marie looked last night, _but not as beautiful as Levi_ , and how good she felt in bed, _but no where near as good as Levi_ , and how her skin was soft and fragile, _but I prefer something muscular and firm like Levi_. Shaking his head as if to put the thoughts of Levi from his head, Erwin opened a window to text Marie - but he found his fingers trailing over someone else's phone number.

Hange was phoned and asked to come round. Whenever he needed advice, they’d be there. Until then, he laid on his back and sighed deeply regretting everything that had happened in the past three months.

“Levi, I miss you.” He whispered, before his eyes shut and he drifted off into a peaceful nap.

*****

The initial shock faded quickly for Levi, and after a few days of aggressively crying at his mum and stomping around the small flat, he decided it was best to get back to college and be around his new best friends. Just as he had done for Petra, she stayed around at his house for a few days playing video games or watching films to keep him company. He told her what had happened with Eld, how he'd tried to come onto him. But Petra didn't ask questions, merely smiling at him sympathetically and kindly, just listening. Levi never realised how much he'd need it. Before, he didn’t really understand how someone just being there would help so much, but after suffering his own breakup, Levi really understood why it was important to have people around you at all times. 

Hange too kept checking up on him, but he knew fully well that they'd also be checking up on Erwin. So he made it seem like he had moved on and was feeling very happy with the new situation, hiding whatever negativity he was feeling. He assumed that Hange would have seen through his act, but they didn't mention anything, so he kept it up whenever he was called or messaged.

Things with Eld were normal since he aggressively kissed him the day after leaving Erwin, and the former seemed very understanding over the whole situation not breathing a word of it to anyone else, which Levi was very grateful for. Uncharacteristically for Levi, he was very apologetic to Eld for what had happened that day - especially since the latter had just confessed his love for the man not long before it. But Eld just told him to shut up and that it was fine, he understood. Levi was glad to have such supportive friends around him when he needed it the most.

Once the entire situation was calmed completely, and a month had passed since the ending of his first boyfriend, Levi found himself round at Eld’s a lot more often. They slept over at each other’s houses, played games together, went to the cinema or out for food frequently. Just as friends though, Levi told himself. The man gave off a very good vibe, and Levi could feel himself trusting the blonde more and more, which was rare in his case. Plus it felt good to be around someone who didn't really know Erwin or Levi's high school life, so he could pass himself off as someone new.

Eld was really good to Levi: he helped him come back round to himself, they had a lot of take outs and a lot of late night chats, finding out more and more about one another’s past lives. Levi even felt comfortable around him enough to mention his past with Kenny, only briefly however, and told Eld about Farlan and Isabel who he used to live with - which came out a lot easier than the first time with Erwin. However, despite that, it was the first time Eld had to help Levi through a panic attack, instinctively knowing what to do without Levi needing to explain it to him once the attack was over. And to make everything even better, Eld didn't bother to ask any questions and simply left Levi to himself, making him a cup of tea and passing him a blanket. Levi was relieved he wasn't going to have to explain his feelings to someone else.

A week after the incident, Eld plucked up the courage and asked Levi to the cinema with Petra and Oluo, but as a date rather than a friend. With a lot of contemplation and advice, he accepted the offer feeling as nervous as he had done the first date with Erwin. It was going to be the best thing to help him move on from his ex.

Levi decided to just wear what he normally would, but opted for a mustard jumper and blue skinny jeans with his black ankle boots, glasses instead of contacts. Since starting Art College, Levi had too got his ear pierced and had a hoop through it - dared by his new friends. However, he admitted it looked pretty good on him. His new friends were a big fan of it, Petra especially saying she was proud of the man Levi was slowly becoming. He could just imagine Erwin's face when he would finally see it, probably also really liking it, showing it by showering his ear with kisses. But Levi pushed that thought aside as he continued to get ready for his new date.

It felt good to not have to ask Kuchel for any money towards the cinema trip, since Levi earned it himself now. It would be the first date he'd been on without the need for a bit of extra cash, yet Kuchel still gave him five pounds to buy a drink there. He thanked her, smiling. Kuchel too smiled back to her son, feeling relieved that he was throwing himself back into life and moving on. She knew that he hadn't bothered to contact Erwin, deciding to wait for him to message rather than making the first move - after all, it was Erwin in the wrong, not Levi.

Instead of thinking of the old blonde man, Levi stood thinking of Eld. He waited by his door, peeking through the window to see when the small, red car was approaching, so he could dash downstairs to meet his date. Surprisingly, his heart was racing with excitement in his chest, a very unusual feeling for the smaller man. Without even realising, the small car was already parked outside the flat and a very smiley man was waiting at the bottom, grinning up. Levi ran out quickly. He shouted bye to Kuchel on his way through the door.

“Hello!” Eld shouted up to Levi, who turned around and smiled at him.

“Hey.” Quickly, Levi jogged down the stairs and got into his side of the car, Eld getting into the other side and belting up.

“I bought you them hard boiled sweets you like and a slushie.” Eld announced, starting the car.

“Thanks. I got you some sweets too.” Levi replied, holding up a small paper bag from the shop under his flat.

“Thanks Levi!” Eld exclaimed, and the two joined conversation about their favourite types of food and sweets until they parked up at the cinema and met up with Petra and Oluo who were already stood there waiting.

Walking to the screens, Eld held Levi’s in his which Levi didn’t turn away. It felt a lot smaller than hands held in his before, but the feeling was comfortable and warm, so he left them joined until they were seated on the back row with a tub of popcorn and their slushies beside them.

Petra and Oluo were all over each other as they were the first time the couples went to the cinema, but it made Eld laugh causing Levi to smile. He didn’t know why, but the way Eld giggled at things was cute and very contagious and Levi couldn’t help but feel drawn into it. The tension in his back managed to melt into the seat as the film continued, feeling nothing but comfortable beside his new friend. The smiles flowed naturally, and he didn't have to force them: he genuinely wanted to smile.

The way that Eld made him feel was warm and content: and Levi needed that feeling now more than he would admit, finally demonstrating that to his date. By the end of the film, he was kissing the blonde man, arms wrapped around his neck. The popcorn and sweets had been discarded on the floor, almost finished, and Eld’s kisses tasted sweet and buttery. The lips locked on the smaller man's felt very different than what he was used to, but they felt good and safe: Levi enjoyed it and pulled himself further into the others mouth until the film finished.

Without stopping to say good bye properly, Levi took Eld’s hand pulling him out of the cinema, only passing a small wave to the other couple. They managed to get to the car before the credits had finished rolling, slamming the blonde man's back against the vehicle and leaning up to his lips, kissing much more passionately and deeply. Levi knew he was ready, he knew he wanted to sleep with the man in front of him now, he knew it was the perfect time to get over Erwin. _A good date, a good film, and a good fuck_ , Levi thought.

Getting the hint, Eld pulled away and climbed into the car, as Levi walked around the back and did the same thing. They barely spoke to one another on the drive home, deciding Eld’s was the best place to go since no one would be in there as he lived alone. The student hall’s walls were thin, Levi remembered after hearing the neighbours have sex a hell of a lot, but he didn’t care: not now.

Eld parked up and unlocked his door as quick as possible, Levi barely allowing him time to lock it as soon as they stepped through the door frame. He kissed him once, before repeating the action he did at the cinema and grabbed his hand, leading him straight to the bed.

With no further words needed, the couple undressed each other quickly: clothes folded neatly and placed on the edge of the bed as Levi always did. Again, Eld did that without needing any encouragement and just out of respect for the man he was about to sleep with. Smugly Levi smiled slightly at how well Eld had come to know him in the few months they'd known each other, and the thought of that turning him on even more in the moment they were sharing. He told himself he was ready to fully let go and sink into the moment with the new man, and wanting to impress his date in the best ways possible.

Levi tried to remember the things that Erwin had done to him throughout their relationship that made him feel amazing, and he repeated them on Eld who was laid under him. He kissed his chest, squeezing it as he did so, teasing his nipples. Eld seemed to like that, Levi noted when the man groaned and shifted below him. Smiling, he continued to place licks gently all the way down from his neck to his abdomen, Levi lowering his head with each movement. Eventually, Levi took the cock into his mouth completely, sucking hard and twisting his tongue around the member as he did so. Eld moaned, raking a hand through Levi's hair, encouraging him to move on. And Levi did, he liked how it felt to have control; he liked how Eld was making him feel, he liked how he was managing to not picture Erwin in the moment at all. But soon enough, Eld pulled Levi's head away and up to his face, pressing a soft kiss on his lips.

Fingers slid into Levi slowly, considerately. He helped prepare Levi, not teasing him at all - just steady; Eld wanted Levi to know how much this moment meant to him, he wanted Levi to experience all the joy and contentment he deserved, and so treated him with respect and softly. But eventually, the two grew hungry for more, Levi sliding his body backwards into the hand, so Eld stopped what he was doing.

The blonde man climbed over Levi and positioned himself before the two were joined together. They moved slowly first before picking up the pace, eyes closing and moans slipping out from both men. Levi tried to keep his eyes at least half open, worried that the second they shut he’d see the face of another man – the one he wasn’t with in bed right now.

Eld made sure they released at the same time, before grabbing some wet wipes he kept in his bedside drawer and passed them to Levi politely. After cleaning each other up, they stayed sat in bed in one another’s arms for a while before heading to the bedroom to watch TV.

Levi decided to stay over that night, worried that it would be too much to go home alone. Erwin had been a very prominent face in his dreams recently, and he didn’t want to have a dream about him when he’d just been with Eld: he couldn’t disrespect his friend in that way, and thought it would be best to just stay over so he could keep his focus on Eld and Eld alone.

That night, when the pair went to bed, they made love again but this time much slower and less needy. Levi found himself enjoying it, finding the differences pleasurable and unique. He let himself fall completely into the moment, let Eld place kisses around his neck and on his lips. He let Eld wrap his arms around the smaller man and fall asleep joined together after they showered together, enjoying the other’s body even more then.

Closing his eyes, Levi smiled. _Maybe I will be able to move on, after all._


	26. Unhappy Holidays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas creeps around as always, and it's very different for the pair compared to the one a year before. 
> 
>  
> 
> (I'm so bad at these summaries ;-;)

The months continued without a message from either side: it was the longest Levi and Erwin had gone without making contact in their entire lives, and to both of them it was feeling completely alien. Both men drew to the very simple conclusion that they weren’t going to hear from one another again, throwing themselves into their new lives with new friends and new relationships.

Marie had clearly taken advantage of the situation as a whole, and had almost moved into Erwin’s flat in Mitras. She hated student accommodation, so Erwin being the gentleman he was allowed her to stay over at his as often as she needed to, which in her case, seemed to be daily. And Erwin was extremely grateful for the company: having someone to go home to after the end of a stressful day at University was lovely and warming.

However, Marie had never really had to fend or live by herself before which was more than clear in the new flat. The once tidy and tranquil home had almost been flipped upside down. The minimalist rooms had been filled with ornaments and pictures brought by the girl, bright patterned throws displayed on sofas, the cupboards in the kitchen doubling in size with all the new items in there. But it wasn’t the materialist things that bothered Erwin, he could deal with a new few pots and pans.

The bubbly and loud personality filled the rooms daily: Marie never shut up. Whether she was just talking away about what she’d done that day, or moaning about someone on her course, noise was always leaving her mouth. And Erwin appreciated that she had a lot to say, and enjoyed her company greatly, but when the course was getting harder and more work needed to be completed at home, she began to grind his gears: he found himself gritting teeth together more than he was comfortable with. But that wasn’t what annoyed him the most, he could deal with chit chat (to an extent).

The thing that annoyed Erwin was the utter mess. Marie had always had maids at her home, never having to clean or tidy up after herself. Food was always cooked for her, even in the student accommodation she had a hired cleaner and chef. But now she didn’t have that and expected it of Erwin. The flat was a constant tip: pots displayed all over rooms, piles of washing just abandoned. For someone whose natural appearance was so perfect and neat, you would not expect their home life to be so destructive and dirty. And Erwin struggled to work in clutter and mess, he needed things to be pleasant. So it was this that annoyed him the most.

Once their relationship did actually become official, Marie made no hesitation in letting her family know. They were very big fans of Erwin; truly ecstatic upon hearing the new news. Straight away, they made their way to the large city to pass their congratulations on in person. Erwin, unsure of what to do with this level of attention, acted politely. He shook their hands, paid for all food and drink all evening (making note that Marie’s family definitely enjoyed the finer things in life). However, the entire time with the new in-laws made him feel nervous and on edge.

He jumped to the conclusion that it was simply because they were new, and soon enough he’d find his footing and feel very comfortable around them all. But his mind couldn’t help but draw comparison to how relaxed he’d always felt around Kuchel. He couldn’t help but think that he never needed to impress Levi’s family, and they just accepted him without any flashy food or expensive cocktails. Memories always sparked up whenever Erwin didn’t need them: so he pushed the thoughts to the side, aware that he was unlikely to ever speak to Levi again, and threw himself into the night, laughing and joking along with the new family.

Baring that in mind, Erwin plodded along from that day, trying everything possible to fall in love with the girl clung to him. He kissed her, they had sex, they enjoyed dates, shopped together, worked together – he was plodding along in his new relationship, just hoping and waiting for the spark he’d felt in his previous partnership. Oh, how Erwin longed for that feeling.

Soon enough, Christmas rolled around the corner quickly and unannounced. The last pressurising winter exams were performed, which Erwin studied relentlessly for, cramming and working late into the morning. But he’d managed to sit them all confidently, and felt proud of his first term at University been completed despite the very large hiccup along the way.

On the twentieth of December, Marie and Erwin found themselves loading his car with lots of presents and clothes for the few days they were staying at home. The plan was to stay at Erwin’s family’s until the twenty-forth, then go onwards to Marie’s until the twenty-seventh when they had to head back to school for the very big New Year’s celebrations in Mitras that apparently Marie _just had_ to see, and her best friends party that she just _couldn’t_ miss. Erwin just obliged, going along with everything his girlfriend had said.

His heart felt heavy at the idea of Christmas, though. The thought that he’d spend the actual day being so uncomfortable around people he didn’t really know yet, instead of with Levi happily together at his house or Erwin’s own. He found himself worrying about Levi being alone whilst Kuchel worked all Christmas again, just as he found him last year. He found himself worried that Levi wouldn’t have anyone there on his birthday. But the thoughts were forgotten when Marie began to distract him in the car.

The whole way home in the car she babbled on about what she’d asked from her parents that Christmas, and what she hoped that Erwin had got her. He didn’t get her more than two presents this year, deciding that it was best to get her something big and small. Unlike Levi, Marie was probably not going to like selections of thoughtful gifts that were small and cheap. She’d want big and fancy, which is why he bought her a pearl necklace and matching bracelet costing him a lot of money; especially since he only lived off his student loan, not able to find the time to have a part time job whilst studying. It hardly left him enough money for his own family, but of course he had to treat Marie first.

“Oh Erwin I’m so excited for you to meet the rest of my family. I’m sure you’ll just love them.”

Erwin kept his eyes on the road, trying not to sigh as he drove on. “Me too, Marie. It’ll be very pleasant.”

“I hope you’ve got me something good, mister.” She winked at him, but he couldn’t tell if she was joking or not and instead just smiled to himself, pressing his foot down further in the hope to get there a lot quicker.

After a good few hours driving without a break, the car pulled into the Smith driveway where Mrs Smith was stood in the porch smiling as her son climbed out of the car. She hadn’t heard from him much or even seen him since the break-up with Levi, and was relieved to still see him looking healthy and somewhat happy. But immediately as the now very tall man stepped from the car, Mrs Smith could already get the sense that he wasn’t his usual self; the beaming grin he offered her not being as bright as it once was. And she knew why, so wouldn’t press him about it and ruin Christmas.

Marie waited in the car for him to open the door, so he did so quickly before turning back and unloading the boot of the car, the girl leaving him to go and kiss Mrs Smith’s cheeks quickly before letting herself into the house. Upon her leaving, Erwin’s mother walked over to him and started to give him a hand lifting things out, looking towards her son as she did so and giving exaggerated eye rolls towards him. She didn’t really like Marie, never did. Especially after what happened at Erwin’s eighteenth.

“Careful mother, they’re heavy bags.” Erwin tried to pull the bag out of his mother’s firm grasp.

“Don’t be silly. If she won’t help you, I will.” She replied, sternly pulling a suitcase and three bags up the drive. Erwin managed to grab the rest and walked inside piled up, before dumping it all in the hallway. He looked around for his lost girlfriend, finding her wandering around his house, helping herself at looking through everything on display: she was fingering pictures, books, and even picking food from the fridge and sniffing at it quizzically. Erwin slightly cringed at her behaviour, especially as Mrs Smith began to frown at her actions too. But as soon as she found her son glancing, her expression turned to a smile in acceptance of his new partner.

“It’s not changed at all since your party, Erwin.” Marie commented, smiling and grabbing an apple, beginning to eat it. Ignoring her actions, Erwin finally found the time to turn to his mother, enveloping her in a large and solid hug: a hug that he had so desperately needed for so long.

“I’m glad you’re home, Erwin.” She said, placing a kiss on his cheek.

“Me too.” He said back, breathing in and smiling. There was no other person he’d want to be with more than his mother, she always helped him calm down and just make things better.

“And how are you? And Marie?” She asked this incredibly quietly so the other wouldn’t hear, obviously directing the question to find out what actually has happened since she’d last seen him. All he had told her on the phone about his plans for Christmas was that he was bringing Marie and spending half the holidays there. And at the time, he didn’t seem too happy about the whole aspect of Christmas this year, not at all.

“I’ll tell you later.” Was whispered into her ear, as he straightened his back and took his and Marie’s suitcases up to his room to unpack for the next few days. Obediently, Marie followed him up the stairs quickly to clean up before it was dinner time. She took a quick shower whilst Erwin put her things away as well, and the couple headed back down to the dining room to enjoy some food after the only journey.

Marie kept the conversation the entire meal. Everything she spoke about was how her degree was going, about her new friends at college, about how she had split up with Nile after his bad results. Mr Smith barely looked up from his newspaper, not really caring to hear about her and just wanted to know how his son’s degree was going. It was only Erwin’s mother that attempted to pass chat back to her, occasionally slipping in a comment that was often ignored.

When Marie got onto talking about the restaurant she bought Erwin vouchers for, Mrs Smith kept catching Erwin’s eye contact and pulling a very concerned glance towards him. She knew her son better than anyone, and she knew that her son wasn’t interested in things like that: he didn’t care for people that were flashy and over the top, he liked quieter people who were caring – someone more like Levi. Worry pursued but Erwin passed her back a sympathetic smile showing that he was okay, he was coping with it all.

Clearing up was very different than usual after the meal, too. Mr Smith tidied the dining area as usual, placing placemats and the candles back into the cupboard. Erwin helped his mother carry the mucky pots into the kitchen to wash up and put away, and Marie just stayed sat there playing on her phone. Erwin sighed, extremely fed up with her, as he walked back into the kitchen carrying the last few things. Mrs Smith’s hands were deep in suds as she was washing up.

“Marie not helping?”

“Obviously not. She’s used to people pottering after her, doing everything for her. I end up clearing up for her most the time at home.” Erwin sighed, running a hand through his hair before beginning to dry up the pots on the side.

“So, whilst you’re alone. How are things?” Mrs Smith was careful how she worded it, not wanting to upset her son by bringing up his ex-boyfriend too much.

“Okay, I guess. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Hange. Well, I did until Marie became quite clingy. I’ve not heard from Levi since the break-up.”

“And are you happy, with Marie?” His mother kept her gaze towards the bubbles in the sink, she knew that he wasn’t happy but didn’t want to have to suggest it: she wanted to wait for him to tell her, not pry him too much for it.

“Yeah, I guess. Just tired, she’s hard work. Levi was never like that. Levi cleaned up, Levi got on with you and father after a while, Levi didn’t waste all my money. Levi was just Levi.” Erwin stopped drying up then, eyes feeling like they were swelling a bit. “God mum, I’m not over him.”

He walked around the breakfast bar where the sink was in the centre and sat himself down, burying his head into his arms. Not crying, but he did wipe his eyes a few times before burrowing down further trying not to think of Levi too much. Mrs Smith dried her hands quickly and walked around to her son, sitting beside him and rubbing his back softly.

“Oh Erwin, perhaps now it’s the time to try and talk to him again. It has been a long time, there’s no need to be in a relationship you’re unhappy in.”

“I can’t talk to him mum.” Erwin sat up, looking at his mother, “Hange has spoken to him a lot. Apparently he is with Eld now, and seems to be out pretty much daily with his new friends or doing his art. There’s no room for me in his life anymore, that’s the end of it.”

“Erwin honey he might be busy, but he’d always make room for you. No matter what happened, you have been a part of his life for over ten years now and I’m sure he’s feeling the exact same way you are at the moment. I did meet Kuchel for coffee after the break-up, and she said that Levi had just been moping around the flat or rushing out. He wasn’t seeming himself at all. I think it is time one of you speaks up.”

Erwin just shook his head, “no mother. I can’t. I better go find Marie, it’s been a while she might come looking for me in a second.”

Pushing himself off the chair, he wandered slowly to the dining room and took her hand in his, saying good night to both his parents and walking up the stairs with her in tow, where they went to bed, not touching each other – Erwin wasn’t in the mood, and hadn’t been at all recently. Instead he laid on his side, flicking through the few photos he had taken with Levi whilst in the relationship together. He didn’t want to admit it, or make a sound, but he cried to himself that night just wishing that it wasn’t the girl laid beside him, but the small man with the messy black hair and the furrowed brows.

*****

“Levi sweetie, it’s your birthday in a few days. Have you got any plans?” Kuchel called out, as Levi was sat on the sofa flicking through TV channels. He’d just got home from being at Eld’s for a few nights, and wanted to finally properly relax in the comfort of his own home. Sometimes he just needed time to himself.

“Celebrate Christmas.” Levi replied, looking off into a program he’d just found about ice skating.

Kuchel sighed. “Would you like to have anyone round? Petra? Eld, perhaps?” She hadn’t known that Eld and Levi were sleeping together. He wouldn’t go so far as to say they’re boyfriends, but each other’s time was consumed by one another. He decided they were friends with benefits, just to save putting an official label on anything yet. Whilst he was completely ready to have sex with different people, he was completely not ready to be in a serious relationship. Levi was completely sure that his mum would fuss over him and want to protect him from another break up, deciding it was best to keep what he was doing in private a secret.

“Petra’s with her family. Eld, Gunther, and Oluo are home for Christmas. They’re not from here.”

“I see. Well, I think it’ll be nice with just the two of us for once. We’ve been so busy at this time of the year the last few years, so a bit of traditional Ackerman time together will be lovely. I’ll get us a delicious dinner and dessert. I’ll make you a birthday cake too; if you want it can be a joint birthday and Christmas, if you’re not wanting all the attention on yourself. ” Kuchel smiled, walking back into the living room and sitting beside her son on the sofa, a biscuit in her hand that she began happily munching on.

“Thanks mum.” Levi mumbled back, not taking his eyes from the screen in front of him. He’d been like this since he left Erwin: very distant. Always on edge, he was constantly waiting for the conversation about how he was truly doing to come out. So to avoid it, he decided to hardly speak to people and only replying when necessary. He was struggling more than he’d let on. Sex distracted his mind for the time it was happening, but as soon as reality hit again, every little thing reminded him of Erwin. His bedroom, his clothes, certain foods, certain smells. He couldn’t help but wonder why his ex-boyfriend hadn’t even bothered to contact him yet. All in all, it just felt like complete abandonment yet again.

He had only been distant with his mother, though, not so much with his friends, but in all honesty the only person he’d seen a lot recently was Eld. Petra was too gentle with how she talked to him, and Oluo copied him with everything he did which just irritated Levi. Gunther was okay, but always seemed very busy so he was left with Eld. Levi didn’t have time to be distant with him then, as the second he usually walked through the door they were all over each other, clothes removed as quickly as they could. It was Levi’s coping mechanism.

The fact Eld had the shiny blonde hair and was tall like Erwin, but not quite as tall, wasn’t helping Levi much either, to be honest. When they kissed, touched – all that Levi could think was that it was Erwin with him, not the new man. And it made Levi feel so, so shallow and guilty. He did like Eld, he was a good guy. He respected Levi, he knew how to approach him and make him comfortable. He never forced anything from the smaller man – not even trying to call their relationship something. And Levi loved it, so he kept with him. And when they had sex, the dark haired man often closed his eyes and dreamt of Erwin, which seemed to be helping him.  

In return for Eld helping him that way and also because of the guilt residing in Levi’s stomach, he swore to himself to always go on dates with the other man to be fair to him too. He’d been taken to the cinema multiple times, they’d had a picnic in the park despite the weather being freezing, and they’d gone shopping a few times. They had yet to go out for a proper meal together but Levi wasn’t much of a talker and frankly didn’t want to face an awkward two hours or so sat with someone who didn’t realise how much he hated talking unnecessarily. Especially at the minute. So instead, they went on dates where their lips could be locked and most words weren’t needed.

“Levi, a card came through in the post for you the other day, either a birthday or Christmas card but I think it’s from your Uncle Kenny. Did you want to read it or shall I just throw it away?” Kuchel asked, taking a sip of her drink.

“I’ll read it.” Levi replied, only taking his gaze from the television to take the envelope from her hand and put it beside him on the arm of the sofa. “I’ll look later, though.”

“Okay dear. What did you and Eld get up to these last few days then?” Kuchel asked, curious as to why her son was spending so much time with him. Eld had been round to their house once or twice, but more commonly they were at his.

“Nothing really.” Levi shrugged.

“It can’t be nothing, he must be somewhat interesting since you spend so much time with him.” Kuchel smiled, trying to cage whether or not to press Levi further. He rolled his eyes.

“Do you really want to know? It’s about the fifth time you’ve asked what we’ve done.” Levi grumbled.

“Only if you want to tell me darling. I’m just sparking conversation.” She replied, still smiling at her son. Recently Kuchel had been very careful around him, trying to keep her voice calm and not getting into any arguments. Everyone got stressed around this time of year, and it was the first one Levi would spend since getting home from Kenny’s without any of his local friends near him to give him their cards, or on the rare occasion have the time to come round and see him. Also, it would be drastically different from the Christmas a year before where Erwin had taken him to the lodge, and was cautious that Levi would find it hard.

Levi could feel his mum’s eyes on him, and decided he’d just tell her the truth to stop her from pestering him every time he left or got home from the blondes. Thinking of the simplest way to let him mother know, he just spat it out. “We’ve just been fucking.”

Kuchel looked extremely shocked at the confident announcement from her son’s mouth, and the smile on her face originally melted into a thin line before her expression turned to worry and concern for her son. Despite the fact he was almost nineteen, she still saw him as quite young and vulnerable and just wanted to protect him all the time. He was the only thing important in her life.

“Well, you asked mum.” Levi didn’t tear his eyes from the screen, acting as if he just announced the most natural thing in the world.

Kuchel sighed the motherly sigh, “Yes I know, just. Levi, please be careful.”

“Yes, yes I know. It’s fine. Nothing serious.” He replied, finally drifting his gaze from the TV screen and back to his mum, before smiling slightly causing her to relax into the seat.

“Okay sweetie. I’m always here, as you know.”

“I know, thanks mum.” Levi replied, “Want to put a film on or something?” He was slowly beginning to feel awkward, and was desperate to change the subject.

“Sounds lovely. I’ll let you pick, I’ll order some pizza for tea.”

Once dinner had arrived the family settled into the sofa, a blanket over the pair whilst they nibbled at pizza’s and watched one of Levi’s favourite films, before finishing off with some sweets and heading to bed.

It was only recently that Levi truly felt comfortable in his own bedroom again. He had Kuchel go there and make sure anything to do with Erwin was packed away into a box and hidden somewhere else round the house, so there was no traces left of the man. She’d even bought Levi some new bedding that the couple hadn’t shared before, knowing how smells and memories can linger in material. It was that night that he finally managed to sleep properly, surrounded by the scent of washing powder and nothing else.

Kuchel had also managed to take time off around Christmas this year, thankfully having enough money for the house since Levi had started to work alongside college. A few of her friends at work had offered to cover some extra shifts too, knowing how important it was for her to be with her son this Christmas. They had heard all about his break up, and knew Kuchel would want to protect him as much as she could. And it also meant that the build up to Christmas could finally be spent together, enjoying mother and son bonding moments they hadn’t been able to do for so long.

On the twenty-second of December, the two cleaned the entire flat from top to bottom. The floors washed and vacuumed, books opened out and dust patted away from them, windows shined, bath tub bleached. Levi cleaned his room too, despite it being in its usual spotless state. But for his own consciousness, it felt good for the entire flat to be cleaned and scrubbed head to toe (or ceiling to floor, in this case). Levi always found cleaning a very good way to cope with things, helping to steady his mental state and make him feel completely at ease.

On the twenty-third of December, Kuchel and Levi went to pick a synthetic Christmas tree after Levi explained a real tree would be mucky and needles would spread everywhere. Kuchel agreed, and they went up to the local garden centre picking a tree the same size of Levi and baubles for it. They even got a special engraved one with their names on it, and a lot of twinkly fairy lights to put around the greenery when they got home. Before beginning the decorations, non-alcoholic mulled wine was made on the stove, filling the flat with the truly wintery scent.

When they decorated the flat, Christmas music played in the background and they both put on their best jumpers. It was nothing but giggles and smiles, Levi slowly coming back around, and the distance he had been portraying melted away as the flat lit up more and more. By the end of it, home had never looked so amazing. That night the finishing touches of Christmas presents were placed beneath the colourful masterpiece, and Levi had even managed to afford his own gift for Kuchel this year: a special pendant necklace with a photo of himself and her inside it.

On the twenty-fourth of December, Kuchel and Levi baked. They made cookies, got the roast dinner ready for the day after. Kuchel made Levi’s birthday cake, as he made pancake batter ready for the morning after. The aroma of freshly baked goods floated around the flat making it feel very cosy. The biscuits were decorated with traditional winter shapes: snowmen, snowflakes, ice skates, trees, stars, gifts. Kuchel decorated Levi’s birthday cake with edible glitter and a lot of candles, opting for his favourite vanilla. A lot of mixture was eaten that day: the family collapsing back onto the sofa, feeling very sick by the end of it.

Once the food was thoroughly cooked and cooled, the pair got back up to add finishing touches. Levi placed a kiss on his mother’s cheek before grabbing a cookie and a hot chocolate, walking back to the sofa to put on a Christmas film. Kuchel followed behind him, and they sat waiting up for the turn of the clock to announce both Levi’s birthday and Christmas day. It dimed twelve soon enough.

“Happy birthday, son. Congratulations on nineteen years on his planet.” Kuchel said, handing him a gift box.

“Thanks mum, Merry Christmas.” He replied, passing her the gift he’d wrapped up.

“Shouldn’t I wait for the morning?” She asked.

“No. We’ll open them at the same time.”

“Okay sweetie. Just so you know, your gift is for both your birthday and Christmas. But save your stocking for the morning!” Kuchel exclaimed, before putting her gift down waiting for Levi to open his first.

He pulled the lid from the box revealing a box wrapped up in green paper. Quickly enough, he undid it revealing a brand new 3DS: he had recently broken his, since buying it about five years ago – the game was thrown at the wall out of anger a few days after the break up, hindering it broken. The new one was deep green; an exclusive one that he had been eyeing up for quite a while. When he lifted it from the box, an array of thanks escaped his mouth, giving his mum a quick cuddle.

It was Kuchel’s turn then to see what Levi had got her, and she was so taken aback when she lifted out the gift from the box. A beautiful sliver of silver emerged, with a heart shaped pendant at the bottom: Kuchel engraved onto it. Inside the locked charm appeared the pictures of the two Levi had put in: one of him and Kuchel when he was just a baby, and one from more recently of him and her in the living room. Her eyes welled as she clasped the necklace close to her heart.

“Levi sweetheart, this is amazing. I’m so touched, thank you so much.” She threw her arms around him, squeezing him tightly. They stayed on the sofa for a while after in silence, Levi trying his hardest not to compare the first moments of his birthday to that of the year before, when it dimed twelve and he had Erwin throwing gifts from all the loving people in his life. His heart ached, so slowly he got up announcing he wanted to head to bed, ready to wake up early the morning after to celebrate the day. Kuchel did the same, and the flat fell into a very peaceful silence.

Once awoken, the pair headed straight into the living room virtually at the same time, taking seat on the sofa before Kuchel handed Levi the cards he had left for him for his birthday. Petra and Oluo had got him some vouchers for the cinema which he was very grateful for, Gunther had got him some new shower gels and shampoos alongside a bottle of elderflower juice, and Eld bought him some fancy tea from the market and a voucher for the Italian restaurant where Levi had taken Erwin for his birthday. Not wanting to be ungrateful, he put the voucher in his wallet, trying to ignore the hint that the man was suggesting to him. Kuchel just watched on for his reaction, but his face displayed nothing, so she just smiled politely.

A card was also sent in the post from Hange, and one from Mike and Nanaba. The friends had both sent him some money and told him to treat himself with it, clearly not knowing what to get since they hadn’t spoken to him properly in a while. But he was also very grateful for the fact they managed to remember his birthday around such a busy time of year, and popped the money into his wallet as well.

He then opened the card from Kenny. Kenny sent him a card every year, but Levi wasn’t entirely sure why: he never responded, never sent one back. And every year, the card always read the exact same thing which really irritated Levi, _so thoughtless_. But nonetheless, he still opened it and read it before discarding it away. To no surprise, it said the exact same thing it read last year.

_To my fave bastard Levi,_

_Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday. A year stronger, I hope. You definitely will be if you stick to the ways I taught you. Sorry again about your friends._

_Kenny_

He rolled his eyes, passing the card to Kuchel to read. She repeated the exact same action, taking the card to the bin with her as she began to put their pancakes in the pan for breakfast. They enjoyed them together at the table with all the toppings they usually had. Levi felt content, just spending the day with his mum. There was no awkward tensions, no uncomfortable questions: just happiness radiating between the two.

Once breakfast was eaten, Levi opened his stocking revealing a few new games for his console, some chocolates and sweets, new socks, and a new glasses case. He thanked his mum, and after that all their gifts were opened so they sat down to eat their lunch. Trivia question games were played, jokes shared, crackers pulled. Levi couldn’t remember a traditional Christmas he enjoyed more than this one, and his mind didn’t float to Erwin once: Kuchel was very good at distracting him from reality, and on this day he was grateful for it.

Happy Birthday was sung as candles were blown out and wishes made, before cutting it into two very large slices and enjoying them together whilst watching television that afternoon, deciding to opt for a game of monopoly before it was time for bed.

That night, Levi finally got around to checking his phone for messages. There was a text from Mike, saying he’d also got him a small gift to open on New Year’s at the party, Hange wishing him an amazing day, Petra, Oluo, Gunther. He thanked them for their messages and gifts, scrolling down his phone and hoping to have a special message from the one person he truly wanted to hear from. But instead, only a text from Eld.

09:17: Happy birthday Levi! Have an amaaaazing day. Can’t wait to see you in the New Year :D missing you loads. Xxxxxxxxxxx

Sighing, he began to reply to his friend with benefits, or boyfriend? He wasn’t really sure.

23:49: Thanks, Merry Christmas. You too. X

Of course Erwin wouldn’t have texted him. They hadn’t spoken since the day, what makes his own birthday anymore special? If Erwin wanted to apologise and make up, he’d have done so now. And with that, Levi shut his eyes and tried to drift off. It was then the memories of the lodge began to fill his mind, the way Erwin had spoilt him that Christmas the year before. The gifts he received, how he felt emotional to have such a great group of friends that was now completely falling apart.

For the first time in a few weeks, he let himself go. Curling his head into the pillow and breathing down deeply, a sob escaped his mouth. It was becoming clear what a mistake leaving Erwin was; Levi thought he should be better and over him by now, but its times when he’s by himself that the feeling of abandonment comes back and he can’t help but feel lost.

*****

“Merry Christmas, Erwin.” Marie whispered into his ear as they awoke at her house on Christmas day, placing a kiss on his cheek.

“Merry Christmas, Marie.” He responded. He turned away from his girlfriend, mimicking a stretch and climbing out of bed. Quickly grabbing his clothes for the day, the man turned to the en-suite bathroom to get dressed and washed. But the girl he was trying to avoid so much caught his attention first, stopping him in his tracks.

“A Christmas kiss first?” She flirted, sitting up in the bed and leaning on her arms impatiently, pouting her lips outwards. Erwin turned and faked a smile, beginning to bend down.

“But you’ve not brushed your teeth yet?” He paused his actions, too leaning close to her on the bed.

“Since when has that ever bothered me?” Marie laughed, and pulled him down by his neck, placing a big smooch on his lips. He pulled back soon after, heading back in the original direction and getting himself looking presentable to join his girlfriend’s family for Christmas Day.

Since the few days spent at his family home, Erwin had grown to realise how difficult his girlfriend really was. She didn’t mingle with his family well, all conversations floating around her. She didn’t help with chores, never helped Mrs Smith make food or simply carry it to the table. She just didn’t fit in with the Smith’s; not in the same way Levi did. Which of course, his mind was constantly pulled to. And more than anything, Erwin was dreading the day ahead.

Gaging the idea of what Marie’s family was like, Erwin opted to go very smart: shirt, trousers, and tie. Marie wore her slinky red dress as they joined her mother, father, and grandparents in the living area around the real Christmas tree. Polite pleasantries were exchanged as gifts were shared. He felt very out of place with the entire situation: everyone taking it in turns to unwrap a gift before moving onto the next person. And obviously, all the gifts were large and expensive. Designer bags and clothes, expensive Whiskey’s, the latest technology. It all baffled the blonde man: no sign of anything thoughtful.

It was almost midday by the time gifts were opened, mainly because Marie received so many. It was also safe so say she loved the jewellery her boyfriend got her, putting them on almost immediately before showering him in hugs and kisses in front of the entire family. His face burnt bright red, before she grabbed his hand to escape the room with him, leading him straight to the food in the dining area.

The uncomfortableness returned quickly when it was maids that served the food to the families. _They should be with their own families_ , Erwin frowned to himself. He could just imagine how disgusted Levi would be upon seeing the three girls serving food to everyone. He wasn’t used to this: his family were extremely well off, but never flaunted it like this, abusing their money.

Three different types of meat were placed on the table, with an array of vegetables, potatoes, gravy, pigs in blankets, numerous sauces, and stuffing. It was very different to his usual Christmas dinner, or the one’s he shared at Levi’s when they had Yorkshire puddings and a vegetarian option – Kuchel always saying that cruelty wasn’t a necessity on a Christmas table. It always made Erwin smile, the Ackerman mother always so caring and loving. But he couldn’t be rude, not in front of his new girlfriend’s family, so accepted a little bit of everything.

He ate in absolute silence, watching the family around him shovel food down, talking with their mouths full of food. The maids waited tentatively at the side of the room, wine in hand ready to continue to fill glasses and keep everyone entertained. By the end of the very long meal, they began to clean stuff up from the table; half the plates still piled with food unable to be eaten. Erwin sighed inwardly, thinking of how much of a waste this family were creating. _Levi’s family would have been so grateful to be able to afford and enjoy such a large feast, but it’s just gone to waste_.

“That was delicious, thank you.” Erwin announced to everyone on the table, of which Marie snorted.

“No need to thank anyone, Erwin. They’re paid to cook for us.” She joked, causing her father too to laugh. Erwin wanted to frown at the disgusting, spoilt behaviour but had to just laugh along too. He had never felt so ashamed of the woman he called his girlfriend, each passing moment revealing more and more reasons as to why they shouldn’t be together. But of course, he couldn’t break up with her. She was helping him so much.

Once dinner was over, the ladies split off into the front room to enjoy wine and talk about Marie’s future, whilst Erwin had to tag behind the men to the drawing room to enjoy some port and whiskey. _Very traditional_ , Erwin thought. The older men barely pulled him into conversation after Erwin had announced he wanted to be a professor like his father, both snorting at the idea.

Marie’s family had either inherited the money, or were extremely high up in the police force. It was obvious they thought someone was strong as Erwin would also want to follow into that profession, but it was the completely opposite of what the blonde man would truly want. He instead sat there on a chair, waiting patiently for Marie to come and collect him for Christmas Carols’ at Church: another tradition he didn’t follow, yet had to submerge himself into out of respect.

The family returned late that evening, heading straight to bed after having one too many drinks. Erwin managed to stay somewhat sober, and helped his girlfriend to bed before he helped himself to it too, trying to get as much sleep as possible for his long drive home in the morning to Mitras. He made a big thing of turning away from the girl in the bed beside him, despite her attempted cuddles. He frankly was so disgusted with her family he couldn’t bear to look at her, just thinking of the poor workers who donated their Christmas to a family who didn’t even care.

 _Well, this definitely wasn’t as special as last Christmas_ , he thought, in fact marking it as the worst Christmas he’d ever endured. Erwin couldn’t help but think he should have at least messaged Levi Happy Birthday, but it was past one in the morning now and it was now officially the day after. Sighing, his eyes drew closed and he began to breathe in deeply, drifting off into a light sleep excited to escape the household he felt so unwelcome in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any grammar issues or spelling mistakes in this chapter, I wanted to get it up and only managed to read over it once! (I usually read over them so many times before posting it)!
> 
> Also a million times thank you thank you thank you!!! (!!!) for all the lovely comments and kudos you're leaving me. It actually is making me so happy, and means so much that you're all spending the time to read my work. I hope you're all enjoying it!!!


	27. Turn of a New Page

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Year always creeps up quickly after Christmas, and it's the one time you can get all your true feelings out.

As it does every year, New Year crept around quickly after Christmas. And on the eve of the big day, Levi found himself with Petra buying decorations for the party they were having at Mike and Nanaba’s flat. It would be the first time going round there, and Levi was quite excited to have something fun to do for the New Year: it would be the first one he hadn’t spent with Erwin since he was eight, and so the large amount of people going would be a pleasant distraction.

Hange and Moblit, who had come to Hange’s home for Christmas, were coming. Alongside them were Petra, Oluo who had come home especially for the party, Levi, and some new friends that Mike and Nana had made, but Levi didn’t really know much about them.

As Levi pushed the trolley round the supermarket, Petra threw in all the things she thought they’d need not thinking about the cost of the items. She too wanted it to be a magical new year, and was willing to put the money in for it. First went in balloons of all colours with cans of helium, mainly to save their breath. Then followed banners, tinsel, bunting, paper chandeliers and chains. There were fancy napkins and patterned paper plates. All the food was snack appropriate: dips, tortillas, cakes, chocolates, and sweets. Overall from just looking into the trolley it seemed there was a good night ahead.

Out of respect for Levi, everyone had agreed to buy their drink beforehand so he wasn’t having to buy it in the supermarket. So Petra just got some more fruit juices to make punch with, and Levi selected his own non-alcoholic drinks that he fancied for the evening.

Since the realisation that Levi couldn’t ever get over Erwin, he had enveloped into himself again: forcing himself to be distant with not only his mother, but all his friends around him. It was the fact that Erwin hadn’t bothered to wish him a happy birthday that got to him the most, and completely disregarded any potential relationship with the man in the future because of it.

But his old, original friends from school would understand that. They wouldn’t pressure him for conversation, they wouldn’t try ask how he was or just try to make him laugh and smile all the time. If he wanted to sulk, they’d let him. But who wouldn’t let him more recently was Eld. From what Levi thought at the start was understanding of the smaller man’s nature, it became apparent that Eld just wasn’t sure how to approach the start of conversations. Now, Eld asked a lot of questions all the time. He’d rang Levi almost daily to check he was okay, or just texted him with a stupid amount of kisses all day long. And Levi knew he was just being supportive and caring, but it couldn’t help but irritate the man further. He couldn’t be bothered dealing with this.

Suddenly the sound of the small girl pulled Levi from his thoughts, immediately softening the scowl that had grown on his face upon thinking of the friend with benefits.

“Hm, can you think of anything else we might need?” Petra asked, rereading the list and double ticking things off as they were in the trolley. “Hange and Moblit said they’d bring music and some games, and obviously Mike and Nan are hosting so we couldn’t expect them to buy anything else. Everyone’s sorting their own drinks…”

“That’s it, then.” Levi snapped, clearly having enough of walking around the same aisles over and over in the supermarket. He braced his hands back on the handles ready to turn the trolley back to head to the tills and pay. Petra merely looked up and over at him, smiling softly; she clearly had noticed the scowl on his face just moments before, but chose to ignore it in favour of not being irritating.

Everything was unloaded onto the conveyer belt as the cashier scanned things through at lightning speed. Whilst Petra emptied the trolley, Levi filled the shopping bags, just finishing in time for the smaller girl to come and pay for everything. She made polite conversation with the till worker, before the two headed out to her car and tried to load everything into the boot and neatly as possible.

Since starting college, Petra had passed her driving test and was now using her mother’s boyfriends’ car to drive around in, having thankfully been licensed to it. It was handy for them especially with the trips to the new cinema in town, and also because Petra and Oluo seemed to like to go on dates far out of their home village.

“I have a good feeling about this year.” Petra commented as she climbed into the drivers’ seat, Levi besides her buckling himself in, preparing herself to set off to Mike and Nan’s house to drop off the decorations, ready for the evening ahead. They wanted to be there and home again quickly so they had time to get ready.

“Really?” Levi frowned, just thinking how bad it was he was entering the New Year feeling lonely.

“Yeah. I mean we have a whole new group of friends, everyone seems quite happy. It’ll be nice to throw the past and negativity away of last year. Things got a little rough towards the end of it.”

“Yeah.” Levi replied, grimacing. Whilst he agreed it’d be nice to throw the negativity of last year away, he couldn’t help but want to keep some of it within him. He hated how bad Erwin had made him feel, but at least he had made him feel something. He hated how bad school was, but he loved that he had all his original friends surrounding him. The last year was rough, yeah. But it was just as wonderful all at the same time. He didn’t want to forget that: he didn’t want to forget Erwin, and the way Erwin made him feel. 

Petra started the car moving very slowly and cautiously towards Mike’s flat, the same way Erwin drove when he first passed his test. She was very nervous on the road, but still was a good driver and Levi was proud of her for finally passing her test. The closer they got, the more they discussed the plans for the party – and the more Levi began to feel a bubble of excitement in his stomach, one that he’d never care to admit. He honestly was just so happy to be seeing his old friends from high school, and also happy that he wouldn’t have the new blonde clinging to him all night as he had been in text.

The party atmosphere, Levi thought, would help distract him from the other blonde in his life too. He just wanted a night of fun, to enjoy time with his old best friends, to make him feel somewhat happy in the turn of the calendar. And if anyone was going to help him with that, it would be Hange.

Petra could sense that Levi was thinking intently about something in the seat beside her, and decided to question him on the one thing she had suspected it to be about.

“How are things with Eld at the moment?” she asked, feigning as much innocence as she could.

“Yeah. Okay, I guess.”

“Are you two officially dating now, would you say? Oluo keeps bugging me about it. It’s like he wants to know everything about you.” She laughed a bit, “He really admires you Levi.”

“Is that why he copies me with everything?” Levi snorted, causing Petra to blush slightly – clearly she had noticed that too. “And no, not dating. Just sleeping together.” He replied adamantly. He wasn’t ready to put a label on anything yet, and wanted to keep things as simple as he could.

“Ah, as long as you two are happy I suppose.” Petra replied, her smile fading as she concentrated on the road. “This will be the first time I’ll be seeing Hange since we split up.”

Levi totally forgot, both his friends must be feeling pretty uncomfortable about the whole situation: they too hadn’t spoken once since they split up, and Levi wasn’t entirely sure about Hange had handled it. Judging by Petra’s first reaction, he assumed she’d struggle with seeing their face again. Especially when just this time last year they were each other’s midnight kisses, and this year they’d both be kissing other men, who the ex-partner didn’t even know. “And how are you feeling?”

“Not too bad I suppose. Please just stay with me tonight, Levi. Oluo gets very drunk as you know, and I doubt he’ll be able to look after me. If he’s too drunk, you can be my kiss as the clocks turn.” Petra giggled at it, trying to lighten the mood.

“Okay. Deal.” Levi replied, smiling. He’d always had a soft spot for Petra, she’d never been anything but kind towards him and she’d really been there for him when he’d needed it this year, so looking after her at a party wasn’t going to be too much of an ask for him. He was sure Oluo would manage to kiss his new girlfriend at midnight though, he was getting pretty obsessed with her recently.

Eventually the friends pulled up at the flat, and ran inside with the goodies before dashing back to the car to drive home and get ready. Nanaba said she’d happily decorate the place ready for later, to give everyone else more time to get ready and back there. Petra had asked Levi to get ready with her, so he’d brought a bag of clothes to change into when he’d got there.

The friends walked in and headed straight upstairs, putting music on in the background whilst Petra did her hair and Levi sat playing on his phone. A text came through for Petra just moments later, so she dashed from her mirror to glance down at her phone, eyebrows frowning.

Levi just looked up at her expectantly. He didn’t like to pressure people into offering answers if something was bothering them, however he knew that Petra was going to comment on it anyway.

“Great,” she mumbled, putting her phone on the side, “Oluo isn’t coming. His aunt needs him or something.”

“That’s shit.” Levi replied, glancing at Petra to make sure she was okay. Upon noticing the new eyes looking at her, Petra just smiled back at her friend reassuringly.

“It’s fine, just looks you’ll have to stick even closer to me if Hange is there.”

Levi nodded in agreement. The pair then continued to get ready in silence, mainly because Petra seemed to need to focus intently on doing her makeup. Levi continued to just lay on her bed scrolling aimlessly through his phone. It was too early for him to get ready properly yet, so he would just chill before he needed to.

“What’s Erwin doing for New Year?” He asked out of the blue, knowing that Petra probably still spoke to him. After all, she wasn’t the one who dumped him.

“I think he’s at one of Marie’s friends parties. He said they’re dating now.”

“Oh. Right.” Levi frowned further, scrolling on social media with more aggression. He hadn’t expected Erwin to be comfortable in a relationship so soon after their break-up, he wanted him to be feeling the same way Levi was feeling. Angrily, the phone was locked and thrown on the side of the bed next to him. Grabbing his clothes, without saying a word Levi headed to the shower leaving Petra alone to get dressed.

The hot water soothed over his skin and Levi managed to calm down, trying to put on a cheery face (well, as much as Levi could do) for the night ahead. If anything, he wanted revenge. So his best option was to be as chirpy and enjoy the night as much as he could, in spite of Erwin. He wanted the photos that would go up online to show how much fun he was having without him in his life.

Soon enough, Levi headed back into the bedroom and apologised quietly for storming off. She just told him to mockingly shut up, smiling at him. If anything, they both understood how hard having an ex was – especially one who originally had meant so much. So he did as was told, and the two just finished getting ready trying to lighten the mood with jokes and enjoyment.

By the time it was almost seven and they were ready to leave, Levi felt much more himself and in a better mood. He was clothed in his favourite jumper as always, and a pair of black skinny jeans. Petra had opted for a short, black, tight fitting dress: which was definitely going to draw the attention of an ex, Levi assumed ultimately Petra’s main aim. Her mum dropped them at Mike’s, since Petra was planning on drinking, so they thanked her kindly before walking into Mike’s.

Hange was the first one to bundle over to Levi, practically running and trying to hug him as he stepped through the front door. Levi narrowly avoided the contact, and instead smiled at them and told them to calm down, which of course they didn’t. A guy was stood behind them hovering around, who Levi assumed was Moblit.

“Levi! I’ve missed you!” Hange shouted. “So much! I’m glad you came!” Their eyes were glistening in the same way they used to when talking about science. Levi had to fight every urge to roll his eyes at the very familiar face.

“Calm down, Hange. I missed you too but you can chill out, you have me all evening.” Levi tried to keep his voice down as if to calm him down, but Hange grabbed his arm and dragged him towards the other man. Meanwhile, Petra was following Nanaba into the kitchen to make a drink for herself and Levi – clearly trying to avoid the overly excitable person. He didn’t even think Hange noticed them yet.

“Levi this is my boyfriend! Moblit!” They then leaned down closer to their friends’ ear whispering, “Can you believe I’ve got a boyfriend?”

“Levi.” He responded as his way of introduction, voice monotone and clearly not as enthused as his friend.

“Levi,” Moblit repeated, as if trying to get the name to burn into his memory and not forget, “Erwin’s ex?”

“Yeah, right.” Levi said, suddenly hearing a loud clatter from near the TV. Panicking, Mike and Moblit ran over to Hange who had slipped over after running off sometime in the short speech between the two men. Moblit was cringing; clearly very used to this noise.

Petra and Nanaba walked back over to Levi and handed him a juice, who took it gratefully and began to sip at it, hand clasping over the top of the glass in his usual fashion. Nanaba explained that Hange had already downed a bottle of wine the second they arrived after admitting they were anxious about seeing Petra. The girl in conversation sighed at it, muttering that it was typical Hange.

“How are you about it all, Petra?” Nan asked her kindly, ensuring that she wasn’t too uncomfortable with the whole situation.

“Honestly fine now I’ve seen them. I definitely will be in a better state than that by the end of the night.” She laughed as did Nanaba, but Levi just stood in silence at the side of the room watching as his friends helped Hange sit on the sofa. Soon enough, everyone mingled off into their own groups and began chatting.

It appeared that Petra and Hange would always gravitate towards each other, and they ended up sat together on the sofa laughing and joking as though nothing happened between them in the past. They acted like good friends, to be honest. It was obvious that Petra didn’t need Levi to look after her this evening, as she seemed to be able to handle herself quite well when around someone she used to date. Moblit was stood with Mike and Nanaba in the kitchen chatting about University. Levi’s ears couldn’t help but perk up whenever the mention of Erwin’s name came into conversation, making his heart swell.

Honestly Levi had never felt so left out of a group than he did at the party. All his friends seemed so happy and alive, joking about and mingling with the new guy, yet Levi was stood to the side by himself as usual. Mike’s new friends were all gathered at the back of the kitchen, and Levi definitely didn’t want to go and attempt to chat to new people. He hated socialising as it was. _If I slipped out now, I bet no one would even notice it_. Suddenly, his phone started to make noises in his pocket; a way of distraction from the party going on around him. But he knew who it was going to be from, and pulled it from his jeans with a sigh.

18:54: Hope your party is good : -) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

19:23: My party’s soooo boring : -( full of little cousins annoying me xxxxxxxxxxxx

19:25: Can’t wait to see you next year, babe : -) xxxxxxxxxxx

19:47: Hope you’re okay baby xxxxxxxxxxxx

19:54: You’re amazing, Levi. At everything. ; -) xxxxxxxxxxx

Levi sighed aggressively. Eld was too much too soon, everything so heavy. He wasn’t expecting the handsome man to be so incredibly clingy and needy, but he was being. Levi wasn’t used to this – even Erwin, the romantic, had never acted like this with Levi. Even when they went long distance. He was acting as though they were properly together even though Levi had made it perfectly clear that he wasn’t wanting that right now.

As he reread over the messages, a feeling of panic began to swell inside him. He couldn’t handle all this right now, not when he was so confused with his own feelings towards Erwin: he was hurting his friend by leading him on so much, he was hurting his ex-boyfriend by moving on so quickly, and he was hurting everyone around him like he usually did.

 _All I ever do is hurt people. All I ever do is let people down, I can’t fucking take this anymore_.

Before he realised what was happening, his small limp body fell to the floor and curled into a ball, his hands pressing firmly against his ears as he did so. The ceilings and floor crept up on Levi, making him feel trapped in a tight space. Levi didn’t realise, but the whole room fell silent and a very concerned Mike ran over to his friend on the floor, who was beginning to cry out loudly, shaking uncontrollably.

“Levi?! Levi! Are you okay?!” Mike called out to him, trying to put an arm around his friend on the floor. He’d never seen Levi in a panic attack, he’d not even known that he had them really. The only people who had ever seen them from school were Hange, Petra, and Erwin.

The arm that was wrapping around him was hit harshly away by Levi, as he pulled his hands back over his head, breathing becoming very unstable. Hange immediately took action and began to speak to him in the way they knew how. They talked him through breathing exercises as everyone in the room watched on with concern. Soon enough, the attack was over and Levi was left a whimpering mess in the corner of the wall. His hair was dishevelled, cheeks pink. And he felt thoroughly humiliated: mainly because he had experienced an attack in front of people he didn’t know.

“Hey, bud. What’s going on?” Mike asked, putting on his most concerned and caring voice that he did whenever someone around him was upset and appeared to need comforting. Levi looked up with wet eyes. All eyes in the room were still on him, looking on at him with pity and sympathy. He couldn’t take it: he couldn’t be with Eld, he couldn’t deal with his friends.

“I can’t fucking take it anymore.”

Levi quickly stood up, pushing his small body out of the room and the flat as quickly as he could. He ran the whole way to a nearby park, about twenty minutes away from Mike’s. From what he heard, no one properly ran after him: they probably assumed that he’d go home, or go for a quick brisk jog to calm his mind. But for what it was worth, he was thankful no one followed.

As his body fell down on a bench, he pulled his phone from his pocket to text back the man he was seeing. _Better to tell him now than lead him on in a new year_.

20:37: I can’t keep doing this with you. Sorry Eld.

He pressed send without blinking, and locked his phone quickly. It rang almost seconds later, but Levi just ignored the calls and continued just looking out into the sky. His mind was filled with nothing but Erwin, and he couldn’t think of anyone else but him. His body felt heavy and aching; he needed something to stop the pain as quickly as he could.

Not thinking what he was doing, completely distant from his own body, Levi walked to a near convenience store and straight to the aisle with the different coloured bottles showing all the different alcohol. Unknowing what anything tasted like or what anything actually was, he picked a bottle he recognised from what his mum used to drink when he was a kid. It turned out to be a very high percentage rum, but Levi didn’t care as he slipped the bottle under his jumper and walked out the door as casually as he could, just like Kenny taught him.

The shopkeeper didn’t even notice and Levi headed straight back to the park, sitting on the bench with a heavy thud and pulling the large glass bottle out from where it was hidden. Sighing, he looked up to the sky. “I’m sorry Izzie and Farlan.”

Without looking to see what he was doing, Levi twisted the bottle open and took the dark liquid to his lips, taking a very large swig of the poison. It made him splutter and cough, his face screwing up at the harsh taste in his mouth. But he pulled it back up again and took a few more gulps this time, trying to numb his mind as quickly as he could. _If it worked for mum and Kenny, it has to work for me too_.

After one more large drink, he put the cap back on the bottle and sat there waiting patiently for the liquid to start affecting him in the way he heard it did. Soon enough his mind went slightly fuzzy, his legs felt light and floaty, his eyes began to spin around. And just as suspected, the poison made him not think too much of Erwin and just of the affects it was having on his body instead.

With a very unsteady hand, Levi managed to pull the phone from his pocket to see why it kept vibrating. Though barely able to read with his now drunken sort, he managed to see that he had a lot of missed calls. 6 from Eld, 11 from Hange, 7 from Petra, and 7 from Mike. He was about to press delete on them all as a large name he wasn’t expecting at all flashed upon the screen with a big happy, smiling blonde face.

Erwin.

Quickly Levi took the liquid to his lips and took an even bigger drink, before putting it down beside him unsteadily, the bottle almost empty. Messily, his thumb slid over the phone to accept the call that was coming through.

“Levi? Levi, where are you? Mike just rang me very concerned. He’s said you ran off from the party saying you couldn’t take it anymore. Levi, please speak to me. What’s going on? Please tell me where you are!” In the background, Levi could vaguely hear the noises of a party going on. It struck him with memory when he remembered that Petra had said earlier that day, that Erwin was going to a party with Marie and they were dating now.

“Uurgh go to your girlfriend” Levi slurred his words completely, barely able to understand them himself. His eyes closed shut for a second as he let out a small hiccup.

“Levi, what was that? Are you okay, have you been spiked?” Erwin paused for a second, knowing he should never have had to ask Levi this question, “Levi. Are you drunk?”

“Erwin Smith, I am not drunk.” Levi slurred even more, and in his drunken state he began crying as he said so. He just needed the taller blonde man there with him, he’d be able to help him and fix him up. “I love you Erwin.” A further hiccup escaped Levi’s mouth now, and his voice slightly broke at the final admittance of the words.

“Levi, I’m coming. Stay where you are.” And with that the phone call cut off. Erwin was eternally grateful for the fact that Levi’s phone had GPS and he could track him to where he was. Without even saying bye to Marie who was too busy playing poker with her friends, Erwin ran from the party to his car and set off immediately. Mitras was at least four hours away, but he was determined to go to his ex-boyfriend. Levi needed him.

The roads were very quiet as it was New Year’s Eve, so Erwin put his foot down on the gas. He went over the speed limit the entire way there, and even more so since he owned a car that could be put into sport mode, and managed to get to Levi in just over two hours.

When he pulled up in the park, Levi was laid face down on a bench, phone in hand and a pile of sick on the floor near his head. The large, empty bottle laid on the floor beside the sick. Erwin bent down to read what it was, and upon the revelation quickly picked Levi up and helped him to the car.

Carefully, the smaller man was laid on the back seat of the car and belted in so he couldn’t move too much, as it would probably make him feel even sicker. As gently as the car could possibly move, Erwin drove the man to hospital to check him over. He was extremely concerned since Levi had never properly drunk before, yet had managed to down an entire bottle of rum in under three hours.

Erwin’s blue eyes glistened with concern as he parked up in the hospital parking lot, and he helped Levi out of the back of the car, carrying him between his arms straight into A&E. Explaining the situation to the nurses, they rushed Levi to an empty bed to rest, ensuring he was hydrated enough since alcohol was so absorbent.

As he was nineteen, no adult had to be contacted so the blonde man thought it best not to mention to Kuchel what had happened. It was clear that Levi must be suffering a hell of a lot if he had resorted to alcohol, and the last thing he’d ever want to do is make Kuchel worry more than necessary about her son. Instead, Erwin remained by the bedside keeping a kind and watchful eye over his boyfriend. Nurses kept rushing in and out, checking the man laid on the bed.

The blonde man really wanted to be angry with his ex, but seeing him so small and frail in the bed in front of him broke his heart into so many pieces. The fact that the man who swore against alcohol had chosen to drink it, the fact he’d run away from his best friends on a night to be surrounded by people you’re close to. Erwin stifled a cry, and just looked on at Levi.

Whilst Levi slept soundly, Erwin pulled himself together and quickly phoned Mike to tell him the entire situation. As soon as the call started, it was then that Erwin let himself fall: he broke down completely, blubbering. Since he met Levi when he was eight, it had been a common rule that the boy would never go near alcohol. Apart from when Nile spiked him, Levi was completely true to his word and didn’t ever touch it. He banned it from his own parties, didn’t allow it to cross his doorframe, yet here he was now in hospital over the fact he’d drank too much.

Mike soothed his friend down the phone, helping him calm down. But Erwin couldn’t help but blame himself: he was the one who kissed Marie and let the relationship fall apart, he was the one who should have been there for his boyfriend. As Marie contacted him numerous times to ask where he’d gone, he merely texted her back that he had to go home for an emergency. From that point onwards, he ignored any attempt at her contact.

Levi missed the turn of the clocks into the New Year: he missed the celebrations, he missed his New Year kiss with his best friend. But thankfully, only a few hours later the hospital let him out and allowed him to go home, deciding that most of the alcohol settled in his system and he wouldn’t need to get his stomach pumped. Erwin thanked the staff for all their help, and helped a very drunk and sleepy Levi back to the car, sitting him in the front next to him.

In absolute silence, the couple drove back to the Smith’s residence, where Erwin carried the smaller man up to his bed before walking back downstairs to let his mother know what was going on, especially since she was so surprised to see him not only on this eve, but with Levi in his arms. But after explaining the situation, Mrs Smith promised not to tell Kuchel what had happened, and instead brought up a cool flannel and a large pitcher of water for Levi.

“Erwin, if he needs anything at all just come wake me or your father up.” She smiled softly at her son.

“Thanks mum. And sorry for intruding.”

“Erwin darling, this is your home. You’d never be an intruder here, as neither would Levi. You’re both always welcome here.”

With that, Mrs Smith left the room closing the bedroom door gently behind her. Quickly, Erwin went to the bathroom to have a shower and relieve himself after the very long drive and night in hospital. But as soon as he walked back into the bedroom wearing pyjamas, drunk Levi was up and about looking around for something.

“Levi? You need to lay down. What is it you need?” Erwin approached him cautiously, not sure whether or not he could help him back to bed or if touching would be inappropriate. He hadn’t forgotten the slurred words down the phone earlier that night, and was eager to approach the topic in the morning.

“Pyjamas.” Levi slurred out yet again, before falling sideways onto the sofa. Erwin smiled and grabbed Levi’s emergency pair out of the bottom drawer: he couldn’t bear to remove them when they split up, and kept them there just in case, and as a memory also. Before he closed the drawer to pass Levi his nightwear, Erwin glanced his fingers softly over the promise ring he’d got his boyfriend so long ago. He held the gaze momentarily, before pulling himself back to reality and shutting the drawer.

As Levi deeply struggled to get out of his current clothes, the taller man had to help him and slipped his pyjamas on as quickly as possible, not wanting to leave the other man unclothed for too long. Once everyone was ready for bed, Erwin picked Levi back up and carried him over to the bed, tucking him in before walking to his side of the bed and turning the light off.

Silence fell in the room until the drunken man decided it was a good time to have a conversation.

“Erwin I made a big mistake.” Levi said, before he began to cry very loudly, covering his eyes with his hands.

“Shush, shush Levi it’s alright. Don’t worry, we can sort it out in the morning. You need to sleep, it’ll make you feel better.” Erwin whispered in a soothing voice, half asleep, trying to calm the other man down, but it just caused him to wail out even more.

“No Erwin I promised I wouldn’t drink and I have. And I slept with Eld but I don’t like him I only did it cos he looks like you.” He blubbered out.

Erwin felt quite shocked about the last statement, but just continued to whisper kind words to Levi, stroking his hair gently and helping calm him down as much as he could. He knew for a fact Levi was going to regret the entire thing in the morning, and for now needed as much of a peaceful rest as he could get.

“Erwin why am I so shit.” His words were still slightly slurred.

“Levi Ackerman you need to stop being so hard on yourself. You’re not shit. You’ve just made a small hiccup, everyone does in their life, but it’s nothing that we can’t fix in the morning. But for now, please rest. You need it, it’s the best option for you.”

“This is why I love you, you’re always right.” Levi smiled through his tears that were now calming down and becoming a lot softer. Slowly, the small man turned over in the bed to face the blonde man laid beside him. “Please hold me Erwin.”

“Levi, do you really think that’s a good idea?” Erwin hesitated. Levi had left him for cheating on him with someone else, and surely if he held him then that would be equally as bad as what happened before.

“Please, I feel shit and I need you around me. Please, Erwin.”

Erwin tried to contain the smile that was growing on his face. Despite the confusion he was sure this would cause, the blonde man accepted Levi’s request. “Okay, Levi.” Levi was definitely worth it: he loved him, and always would deep down. Even though Levi was completely unaware of what he was doing and saying, Erwin held the hope that everything coming out of his mouth was completely true.

As soon as the warmth of another body enveloped Levi, he smiled and his eyes gently fluttered shut. Unconsciously, his body shifted closer to Erwin’s and he wrapped his legs in between the taller mans. Despite the poison flowing in his blood stream, Levi hadn’t felt this happy in a long time. He felt positively glowing as he breathed in the safe, familiar scent.

Erwin too was smiling, and he placed a very gentle and loving kiss on his ex-boyfriend’s forehead, the way he used to do when they were cuddling together.

The men both slept soundly in each other’s arms, starting the New Year with the one person they truly wanted to.


	28. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi had his first hangover, and his last.

It felt weird, abnormal, yet usual waking up wrapped in another’s arms. The heavy breathing of Erwin’s chest sent butterflies into Levi’s stomach, as he came to realisation of where he was. Unaware of how he had actually ended up there, he laid in his ex-lover’s arms for a while before an odd feeling overtook his stomach and he had to dash to the bathroom.

Levi threw up into the toilet, nothing but the acidic taste filling his mouth. His head was pounding and his eyes felt dizzy as he glanced around the familiar bathroom. _What the hell did I do?_

He could hardly remember anything from the night before. He barely knew that it was the first of January, a New Year. Levi looked around on the floor for his phone, hoping it was in the pocket of the pyjamas he was wearing: he just wanted clues as to what happened, but he couldn’t find it there. A surge of sickness overtook his body again, as he leant forward and wretched into the toilet basin before him.

The aggressive noise coming from Levi caused Erwin to wake up. Glancing at the time, he realised it was almost two in the afternoon. He climbed out of bed feeling extremely groggy, but headed straight to make sure his guest was okay. Upon seeing him, he noticed the smaller man curled over the toilet throwing up, head lolling in his arms.

“Erwin what the hell happened?” Levi grumbled, his voice deep and coarse. It was the first thing he could remember saying to the man that he was still in love with, sober, and it didn’t feel like the romantic greeting he wanted to offer.

“Levi, do you not remember?” Erwin crouched down beside the man, rubbing the bottom of his back tenderly as though to sooth the man suffering. He felt Levi shift slightly into the touch.

“I wouldn’t ask if I did,” Levi began, before he had to release the alcohol from his system again, “shit” he groaned.

“I had to come from Mitras, Levi. Mike and everyone at your party phoned me in a panic, you ran off apparently. You got yourself a bottle of rum and downed the entire thing.”

Levi grumbled even louder this time, in both pain from his head and stomach, and also mentally from his stupid actions. Brief thoughts were coming back to him: how rude he had been to Eld, how he wasn’t speaking to anyone in the party. How his mind immediately drew to Erwin whenever it wasn’t full of something else.

“Izzie and Farlan will be so fucking disappointed.” Levi recalled, deciding he was done hovering over the toilet, and moved his head into Erwin’s lap, just wanting something comforting and homely to rest in. He didn’t care about how inappropriate the gesture was considering the pairs situation: at that moment, he just needed someone. “Sorry I’m so shit, Erwin.” He could have cried knowing that he’d drunk alcohol, but his aching head and sick stomach prevented it from happening.

He couldn’t understand why anyone would want to drink, especially now he was feeling the aftermath. Yeah, he forgot literally everything for a night, but it didn’t completely remove the bad thoughts, it didn’t fix him. He’d literally broken a promise for no apparent reason.

“Levi you tried that on me last night: I don’t want any apologies. You’re not rubbish, not one bit. In fact, I’m truly glad I had to come home last night to get you. I’ve missed you so much. But it’s not time for that now, we need to get you cleaned up and get some food down you. It should help your stomach a little more.”

Upon hearing Erwin speaking to him so calmingly, Levi shuffled his head further into the man’s lap and breathed in the scent of him as much as he could. If anything would calm him down, it would be his ex-boyfriend.

Reaching over the side of the bath, careful not to nudge Levi, the taps were turned on and bubbles added to the water. The noise of the water hitting the pot made Levi cringe, his head extremely sensitive. But soon enough the sound become soothing, as did the warmth of the water as his aching body was lowered into it.

Erwin made sure to turn away as Levi got undressed and into the water out of respect of boundaries. He wasn’t with Levi anymore, and didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable by watching him undress. As soon as he heard the small body flop to the bottom of the tub, Erwin turned around and smiled at the man now smothered in bubbles.

“I’m going to leave you to it whilst I cook some breakfast. Should you need me, just give me a shout. I should be able to hear you.”

Levi nodded, closing his eyes and letting himself relax into the heat. It only became clear now how achy his body was after the ridiculous amount of alcohol consumed the night before. It dawned on him too, that his mother didn’t know where he was or that he’d be with Erwin. However, Levi couldn’t think properly of them things now and needed to let his tired mind and body melt into the bath water, hoping it would too wash away the current worries.

Erwin walked into the kitchen where Mr and Mrs Smith were sat, eating sandwiches together with a large pot of coffee. Every January First, the Smith’s spent the day together just watching TV and playing games. However, since Erwin had left he assumed they’d just have to do it alone now.

“Oh, morning sleepy.” Mrs Smith smiled at him. “And how are you today?”

“I’m fine, thanks. Not sure about Levi.” He walked over to the cupboard and took out some paracetamol before turning to the fridge, lifting eggs and beans out and setting pans up.

“Poor soul. He appeared to be in such a bad state. Where is he now?”

“He was a mess, mum. He still is. I’ve just ran him a bubble bath and said I’d cook his breakfast.” Erwin paused, running his hands over his face and breathing in deeply, “It’s all my fault.”

“Erwin Smith. You did not feed Levi the alcohol, he chose to drink it. It’s not your fault.” Mr Smith sternly said, looking at his son with concerned eyes as he did so.

“He apparently ignored everyone’s calls and answered mine though. He told me on the phone he still loved me. We’d be together if it wasn’t for me kissing Marie.” Erwin sighed even more, cracking an egg into the pan and looking back at his family.

“Everything happens for a reason, Erwin darling. Please don’t put the blame on yourself. People make mistakes, and that was yours. This mistake from last night was Levi’s. You’re both so young, you’re bound to have trip ups in life: as nice as it would be, it doesn’t run smoothly. Hopefully you two will be able to sort it out when you’re feeling better.” Mrs Smith encouragingly smiled at her son, before getting up and helping him make the rest of breakfast.

Once the mother and son were a bit chirpier and happily cooking, Mr Smith stood and announced that he’d better give Kuchel a ring to let her know that Levi was awake and being taken care of. It turned out that as soon as Levi walked through the door last night, Mr Smith immediately rang his mother knowing that she’d be deeply concerned for her son’s health. He didn’t, however, tell her that he was drunk and just said emotional. The last thing he’d want to do was worry her.

Breakfast was cooked before the phone call ended, so Erwin just thanked his mother and ran up the stairs with a plate full of fried eggs, bread, mushrooms, tomatoes, and beans.

When he walked back into the bathroom, Levi was sat on the floor laying down, his small body bright pink. The water had eventually become too hot for him and he needed to cool down quickly. Erwin passed the smaller man a glass of water and threw a towel over his naked butt, causing a spark of laughter to come out of Levi despite his ill state.

Once dried and in a clean pair of pyjamas, Erwin helped his best friend into the living area of his bedroom where the breakfast was placed on the table. He was eager to talk to Levi, but wasn’t wanting to put pressure on him and just sat in silence beside him as the smaller man made himself comfortable.

Breakfast was eaten very quickly, and it turned out that Levi felt absolutely fine after some food and a dose of headache tablets. He still didn’t want to face his mum though, as he knew he’d have to tell her what had actually happened and at the moment, Levi really couldn’t face the truth slipping out. It was not a good way to start the New Year.

He was also avoiding having a proper conversation with Erwin yet. He knew, a million percent, that he wanted to be back with the blonde haired man, but found it incredibly hard when he lived away and wasn’t sure if he’d be able to cope with that yet. Instead, Levi was trying to plan other options in his head, but nothing seemed to come to a successful conclusion.

_If I moved to Mitras, then I could live with Erwin and be happy. But then I’d have to leave mum, and college, and my new friends._

_Erwin could move back home, but then I’m forcing him to give up on his dream and degree._

_We could work long distance again, but we’d never have time for each other and Marie would still always be hovering around him in the background. I couldn’t deal with that again._

Sighing, Levi took one last sip of his cup of tea and relaxed back into the sofa, eyes drifting shut slightly: the breakfast had helped to settle his stomach slightly, and now he just felt warm and content to be with the person he longed so much for.

“How are you feeling now, Levi?” Erwin asked, putting the back of his hand towards the other’s head to check his temperature.

“A bit better. It’s my own fault, such a fucking dick move.”

“Levi.” Erwin put on a stern voice and furrowed his brows. Levi held his hands up in surrender, “fine, fine. Not my fault. Everyone makes mistakes.”

Erwin smiled at that, before shifting closer to the other man and wrapping an arm over his shoulder like they used to do. Despite the fact they weren’t together anymore, nothing ever felt so comfortable to either of them. It was like they truly belonged together, melting into one at simple touches.

It was then that Levi turned his head slightly to look at the man protecting him, and the blonde man looked back. Without a second thought, lips locked, eyes closing at the new touch. Levi lowered them both backwards onto the sofa, arms wrapped around Erwin’s neck as they did. He pulled the taller man into him, trying to squeeze him as close as he could.

Of course, Erwin moved into the kiss touching Levi where he liked, nipping at his bottom lip in the way he likes, teasing him like he likes. Small moans erupted from the black haired man underneath him, who was now trying to lift Erwin’s top up to reveal his muscular chest. Erwin pulled away, breathless.

“Levi shouldn’t we talk about this first?” Erwin asked, looking with concern at the man before him. The same man who had drunk himself silly over their break up, the same man who had apparently been sleeping with someone else for months.

“Do you really want to have to think?” Levi whispered back, pulling them together again before Erwin could say anything. After what Levi had said, Erwin agreed that he didn’t want to think about anything other than the man in his arms now, so he didn’t. He allowed himself to be sucked into the other, kissing until their lips were red and cheeks flushed.

Erwin only stopped kissing when Levi pulled himself away again, straightening up and brushing his hair back into position. The nauseous feeling had start to come on again, and he was finding it hard to concentrate on the blonde haired man when he still had to speak to his friends, his mum, his ex-friend with benefits.

“Has anyone told mum where I am?” Levi asked, pulling a cushion over his lap quickly.

“Yes, father phoned her last night as soon as you walked in.”

“Shit, did he tell her I was drunk?” Levi’s heart started beating quickly at the thought of Kuchel sitting in at New Year’s, finding out her son had broken a big promise to never touch alcohol, feeling nothing but disappointment. Thankfully, Erwin cleared his conscious correcting the situation.

“No, he kept it secret. He thought it was best for you to inform her of that.”

“I guess so. Well, I’ll ring her now I suppose.” Levi sighed again, standing up and routing through his pockets from last night to pull out his phone. Over thirty missed calls were displayed on the screen now, from literally everyone he knew. But most from Kuchel: _damn, this is going to be a hard call_.

After retrieving the mobile, he wandered back to sit beside Erwin for support, just in case he needed it. Of course Levi didn’t say this, but Erwin could tell and gave his knee a very gentle yet firm squeeze.

After three rings, she picked up.

“Levi!? Oh my god, Levi. Are you okay? Are you still with Erwin?”

“Yes, mum. I’m okay. Yes, I’m with Erwin.”

“What the hell happened?! I began to get worried when there was no midnight call! I managed to get hold of Mike but he had no idea where you were. It was only when Mr Smith phoned me in the early hours! I’ve been sat up waiting!”

“Sorry, mum.”

“What the hell happened?! You can’t just disappear from events like that. People worry! No one had a clue where you were. It’s a damn good job you had Erwin to come and pick you up, despite the fact he had to drive all the way from Mitras! On New Year’s!”

“Yes, I know. Sorry mum.”

“It’s a very good job you don’t drink, otherwise that would be just even more unnecessary stress! I just can’t believe you Levi. I know things have been tough, but you can’t do what you did!”

Levi fell silent at that. He wasn’t going to apologise again, he wanted to give the true reason he had to apologise for if he could ever get a word in edgeways, anyway.

“So what the hell happened, young man?” Kuchel’s voice was raspy and angry down the phone: Levi did not want to tell her, not yet anyway. It was rare that Kuchel raised her voice and shouted at Levi, usually opting to use a calm tone, but he knew that this was just going to anger her even more. He sighed, and Erwin looked at him with his encouraging eyes, causing Levi to roll his and take in a deep breath, before daring to speak.

“Mum I’ve not been good. I got drunk.”

The line rang silent. All Levi could hear was the gentle fuzz that always rang through his home phone, what Kuchel was using. It was only after a minute that she raised her voice to practically a scream. “You did what?!?”

“I got drunk! I got a fucking bottle of rum and downed the whole fucking thing. And it helped! It made me feel better, for once.” He was getting angry, not wanting to apologise since his mum was shouting down the line at him.

“I can’t believe you, Levi. I don’t know who you think you are, but my son, the Levi I know would never drink. He’d never just rush off from his friends. You’re turning into Kenny more and more daily.”

That hit him hard: how dare she compare him to Kenny? He was nothing like the man. He didn’t do this often, he just needed an escape and the only one he could find was alcohol. Kuchel didn’t mean to snap at Levi so much, but after all the problems drink had caused her in the past, she couldn’t help but shout at her son. She wasn’t truly angry, just extremely worried and didn’t know how to portray that in the nicest way.

“Fuck you.” Levi rasped out, face curling into anger as he spat it through the phone.

“Don’t you _dare_ speak to me like that. Look, Levi. You need to come home. We need to sort this out.”

Levi didn’t reply, just stared on as his eyes burned wet with frustration and his hands shook in disgust at being compared to a murderer.

“Look, Levi. I’m sorry.” Her voice lowered down the line, and she sounded extremely tired and fed up, “I’m just concerned. Alcohol is not a remedy: it might numb the ache for a few hours, but after that it _becomes_ the ache. I am sorry for shouting at you.”

Levi let out a long breath, trying to calm himself down. “Sorry for drinking.”

“Forgiven, but we do need to talk about this. I don’t want you wasting money on something so vile again, I mean it.”

“I didn’t waste money.” Levi mumbled out, causing Erwin to frown at him further, but Levi tutted him away. Surely he’d have guessed that he stole the drink, he had no form of ID and didn’t exactly look his age.

“What was that?” Kuchel asked.

“Nothing, look. I need to talk to Erwin. I’m staying here again tonight but I’ll talk with you tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

With that Levi hung the phone up, dropping it down on the floor and throwing his head into a pillow, letting out a muffled scream before sitting back up and looking on at a frowning blonde man.

“You stole it? You stole the alcohol, Levi?” Erwin questioned.

“Yeah. I wasn’t thinking straight. Old man didn’t exactly make it hard, either.”

“Levi you can’t just steal when you feel like it. That’s not how it works!”

“Like I don’t know that.” Levi let out another exasperated sigh, before letting himself flop back onto the sofa in a way of trying to calm down. Erwin stayed looking on at him with disapproving eyes for a few moments, before his expression softened and he felt nothing but pity for the smaller man before him.

“Levi, if you’re struggling you can talk to me about it.”

Levi looked up at him with an obvious confused expression on his face, “are you serious Erwin? We’ve not spoken since we split up. That would be weird.”

“I don’t care. I’d rather be there for you, Levi. Even if we split up that doesn’t mean I’ve lost all my feelings for you. In fact, they’re still very prominent.” Erwin looked down and riddled with the ring on his marriage finger, the ring that Levi had bought him and he still hadn’t removed from his body. “I still love you, Levi.”

The black haired man straightened his back upon hearing the words escape Erwin’s mouth, and he looked on with complete bewilderment in his eyes, before sadness overtook him as he remembered the reason they broke up in the first place.

“Not sure Marie would like you saying that.” Levi grumbled.

“She’s nothing compared to you, Levi. I had the worst Christmas holidays with her – it’s not homely like yours, it’s all flashy presents and gentlemen talks in drawing rooms. I like being with you.”

“Look, Erwin. Is this really sensible?”

Erwin’s brows furrowed. “What do you mean, Levi?”

“You know what I mean. Talking like this, me calling you in the middle of the night to come and look after me.”

“Levi, you needed me and no matter what I’m always there. I’m still in love with you Levi, I miss you so much. And I truly regret what happened at University – I wish I never left, I wish we did what Mike and Nanaba did and moved in together.”

“But you didn’t, and I didn’t want that. I told you to go to study, but clearly it was too hard for the both of us.” Levi paused, looking down, “I fucking miss you too.”

Erwin didn’t wait for another word before he shifted his body closer to Levi, pressing his firm and needing lips onto the other man’s. Levi responded, wrapping his arms around the neck of Erwin and pulling himself into the kiss more, lips parting and tongues escaping softly into one another.

He lowered the two of them backwards onto the sofa, so the blonde man’s body towered over him, shifting awkwardly to pull him further into the kiss, hands roaming over each other’s bodies. Exploring the opposite’s body as though they had never touched before, despite every touch being so familiar.

The kisses got needier then: the hand movements more aggressive. Levi nibbled Erwin’s ear, slowly slipping the top he was wearing over his shoulders. Erwin did the same for Levi, before picking the smaller man up and carrying him over to the bed where further undressing pursued.

The blonde man slowly pulled his mouth away, cheeks flushed and a grin across his face. He hadn’t felt this content, this happy, or this turned on in months. He pressed his lips down Levi’s chest, licking and biting all the way down to his pants. They were very quickly removed, folded up neatly and placed at the end of the bed.

Erwin then reached into his side drawer, grabbing an untouched lube and placing it by his hand so he would be ready. Levi squirmed just at the sight of it, before the other took him into his mouth and began to tease him, sucking hard, tasting him wholly. The lube cap popped open as he coated fingers, filling Levi completely before pulling away and shifting his head to he could kiss the smaller man again.

Levi hadn’t felt like he needed someone so much before: no one knew him better than Erwin, no one knew how to please him like Erwin. Despite the many nights spent with Eld, he never really completed Levi – it was fun, yeah, but nowhere near as passionate as it was with his ex-boyfriend. Just the thought of Erwin making love made Levi shiver.

They two were joined moments later, in muted moans and quiet thrusts they embraced each other. Sloppy kisses placed over lips, needy bites and nibbles: wandering hands, just desperate to touch each other. It hadn’t felt this good in ages, it hadn’t been to necessary for ages and once completed the two fell into each other’s arms panting hard, but solely content holding one another. They completely melted into the moment, forgetting all the crap going on outside their life together. In that moment, Eld, Marie, Kuchel, University – none of it mattered. All that mattered was that the two of them were joined together.

It was then that Levi fell asleep, snoring softly in Erwin’s arms. The blonde man pressed a soft kiss onto the damp, dark hair before snuffling his nose into it and breathing in. Soon after, the taller man fell asleep deciding it was best to talk about everything the day after – everything being too confusing, too different at the moment. He tried not to think about how he’d betrayed Marie, but instead how much he actually needed Levi.

*****

Hours later, Erwin awoke with an achy arm and a small man asleep on one side of his body. Smiling to himself, he picked Levi up and placed his body down, tucking him up under the covers. Erwin then walked to the bathroom and freshened himself up a bit, wanting to keep what had happened a secret from his parents.

His mother and father were both sat together in the living room watching the television. It had already reached ten at night, the sky was dark and the house very peaceful – not like it usually was throughout the day, when at least one person would be working or cooking. It was nice for Erwin to see his parents both so content and relaxed at home.

“Evening, Erwin sweetheart. How are you both doing?” Mrs Smith questioned as her son wandered into the room and sat himself down beside her.

“Levi’s just asleep.” He replied.

“I see. Have you two had a chance to properly talk about anything yet? Not that it’s any of my business, but I just want to make sure the both of you are okay.” His mother’s kindest and warmest smile was shown to Erwin, indicating no nosiness or malice behind the words.

“Not really. Levi seemed pretty tired, so I just left him to it. Have you heard anything from Kuchel?” Erwin asked, this time mainly towards his father who he knew had been on the phone to her recently.

“Ah, yes. She phoned about an hour ago to see how Levi’s doing. I just said he was getting plenty of rest, and she said to keep her updated. Other than that, there’s nothing you really missed.” Mr Smith replied to his son, before ducking his head back to look at the show on the TV.

“Oh and Mike called round a bit ago, but I told him you were both asleep.” Mrs Smith replied. And on that, Erwin removed himself from the sofa quickly to give his friend a ring back. He knew that Mike would be worried too, and would definitely want to check up on Levi. So Erwin thought it was only fair that he’d give him a phone call.

Mike didn’t have a lot to say on the phone. He was only coming to check up on his small friend, and ensure that Levi was okay after the disastrous night that had happened before.

“And how’s Levi doing?”

“Not too badly now, I suppose. He was sick a bit this morning, then this afternoon ate some food and eventually fell asleep again.”

“He didn’t seem good yesterday. He had a panic attack, well that’s what Petra said it was. He just took off after that like I said yesterday. But god, I can’t believe he actually _drank._ ”

“I know.”

“Erwin I think he’s missing you. He doesn’t seem that happy; hasn’t been himself since you split up. You really need to try and talk to him today, or at least before you need to head back.”

“I’m struggling without him, Mike.” Erwin sighed, “But I know in the long run us being together again is only going to injure us. Look how hard we found just a month apart, never mind another almost three years. And if I was to do that, I’d have to break up with Marie as well, and I highly doubt that would go down well.”

“But, Erwin buddy. You can’t just focus on other people’s feelings. If you’re unhappy too, you need to get back with the man you’ve loved for god knows how long.”

Erwin sighed down the phone. Mike was telling him all the things he already knew but didn’t want to hear from his friend, not now anyway. He hadn’t even had a chat with Levi yet about the future of their relationship after what happened earlier. Everything was far too confusing.

“I know Mike. I need to talk to him though. I’ll talk to him today, I promise.”

“Okay, but don’t forget your own heart in all this. Do what you want.”

“Okay. Thanks Mike.”

“Say hi to Levi for me.”

And with that the phone rang dead. Erwin took a further deep intake of breath, before heading back upstairs. It was late, so for now he was going to sleep. Tomorrow morning, he thought, is when he’d talk to Levi. Some fresh air, a fresh mind-set, a night to think about what he truly wants to say. And then they’ll call the shots on what happens next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was slow in coming, and unfortunately the next few also might be a bit slower too. I've been at work an awful lot this last few weeks, and getting prepared for going back to Uni so I'm having less time to write. However, as soon as a chapter is written I'll put it up as soon as I can! <3


	29. Past, Present, and Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Erwin finally get round to talking things through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for any spelling mistakes or grammar errors ;-; I've reread over it but I'm useless at pointing them out sometimes!

Levi managed to wake up much earlier the morning after, feeling a hell of a lot more himself. The blinding headache had passed, the guilty pit at the bottom of his stomach had sank, and finally he was waking up with someone he truly wanted to wake up beside; not hung over.

He was still ashamed and embarrassed for the days before, but decided to not think about it or dwell on it too much this morning. He wanted to make the most of his last morning with Erwin before he headed back to Mitras, whether or not they were back together. But Levi was hoping, praying, Erwin would call him his boyfriend.

Levi rolled his smaller body round to face Erwin for a new moments basking in every part of his structured face. His strong cheek bones, his tightly set jaw, his beak like nose, thick eyebrows. And Levi loved everything about the face before him – he truly thought every single aspect of it was beautiful. A soft finger traced along the outline of the other’s face, pausing on his lips for a slight second. Levi was feeling overwhelmed, now completely sober. He didn’t except that he’d be laid back in bed with such a beautiful man so soon after the break up, and the fact he was caused him to pass a slight smile before throwing his groggy body from the bed.

Moments later, Levi was already in the bathroom getting showered and cleaned. He felt extremely groggy, and still felt like he could get the subtle scent of rum from his body. So after a vigorous ten minutes scrubbing his body down aggressively, Levi managed to find himself some old clothes that he had left at Erwin’s from the time they were together. He put them on before walking back up to the bed.

Erwin was only just waking up, stretching his long body the length of the bed, exaggerating a stretch. Levi stood by the bathroom door, looking on at the man before him. Levi noticed that the man in the bed wasn’t looking as fresh as usual, the bags under his eyes deep and his face scrunched with lines; he looked as though he hardly slept the night before. But Levi didn’t need to ask why, he already knew what today was going to be like and what it was going to involve. And he was dreading it.

But the smaller man had everything crossed that it would go to plan, that he would get what he both wants and needs: Erwin Smith.

“Morning Levi.” Erwin mumbled as he stretched his long body under the quilt for a second time, something he often did.

“Hi.” Levi replied, slipping on the last of his socks before resuming to a standing position. "Getting up?”

“Go down and get some breakfast. I’ll be with you when I’m ready. I shouldn’t be too long.” Erwin smiled, climbing out of the bed and walking up to Levi. He bent down, ready to put a gentle kiss on the smaller man in the usual fashion he used to do.

“Not with your morning breath. God, you can’t have forgotten that already.” Grumbled the dark haired man, causing Erwin to laugh at it. He hadn’t forgotten, and in fact he was most glad that the memory remained. But Levi still took the attempted kiss as a glimpse of hope: if the blonde man was wanting to kiss him, then surely he wanted to get back with him.

But again, Levi didn’t want to get his hopes up yet or think too much into anything, so he did as requested: descending down the stairs slowly and quietly, aiming straight for the kitchen. He tried his best to tip toe around, fully aware that everyone else was still sound asleep in bed. The clock’s hadn’t even reached six in the morning yet; but since the two men slept so much the day before, it seemed their natural body clocks wanted them to get up super earlier.

Sleeping so much wasn’t exactly what he had planned for the New Year. But thinking back to how badly it could have gone, he was just grateful to have had Erwin there with him for yet another turn of the calendar. He couldn’t have imagined or wished for it any other way.

Helping himself to pottery, Levi poured himself some cereal and milk into a bowl, carrying it to the table with a cup of tea. He plonked himself down and tucked into his meal – and weirdly enough, it all felt so normal to him. It felt as though he was still with Erwin, and he had just had to leave early as he sometimes did the day after stopping over.

But of course, that was not the case. And he was more than prepared to talk it through with the other man today.

Whilst slowly munching through the food, his mind started to wander on how the conversation would go today, and more importantly what he’d say to Erwin. His plan was to let Erwin speak first, since Levi was never good at things like that, but then chip into the discussion if he had the same opinion or wanted to say how he felt about something. His best wish was for them to go to the park, and Erwin hand over his promise ring again, and then kiss and make it official. But this was Levi’s life, and nothing was ever that simple.

Soon enough, Levi was pulled away from his thoughts by a blonde haired man plodding down into the kitchen. He was a lot louder than Levi was, but he supposed that Erwin was probably used to living by himself now and could make as much noise as he wanted. The large body sat beside the other at the table in silence, sipping at a cup of tea which Levi had also made for the man.

Silence filled the room as breakfasts were consumed – no one wanted to speak, on edge about what to say or how to say it. Erwin’s thoughts were plagued with the fact that he was cheating on Marie, and had been doing since he first kissed Levi again. He was doing to Marie what he had done to Levi, and that was tearing him apart. Even if he didn’t love her anywhere near as much as he loved Levi, she didn’t deserve to be treated that way. He knew he needed to stop touching, kissing Levi – at least, until they talked it all through properly.

But they couldn’t stop themselves: Erwin’s hand wrapped over Levi’s on the table, and pressed a chaste kiss against the back of it. Whilst Levi didn’t properly respond, he didn’t pull away either, letting the taller blonde man consume him as usual. They shared a few kisses together then, in between the homely silence and sips of their morning drinks, until Erwin decided it was best to speak.

“So I think we need to talk properly today, Levi. I was going to suggest a walk through the park. Everyone will still be on holiday so I think it will be quite quiet and enjoyable. Plus the fresh air would be good for you after the past day.” There was an air of nervousness in his voice that Levi noticed, but didn’t want to point it out. His smile was still as warm as usual.

“Yeah.”

“Shall we get off now then? We’re both ready, and it makes sense to talk sooner rather than later. I am not enjoying how awkward everything feels.”

“Okay. Me too.” Levi replied, bringing his tea cup to his mouth and finishing what was left. Erwin stood up and smiled at the smaller man then, who copied the action and followed the blonde man to the car. They both climbed in, fastened their seat belts, as Erwin drove them to a park a bit out of town so they wouldn’t happen to see anyone they knew. And also because he didn’t think bringing Levi back to the park where there was probably still sick on the floor was a good idea.

The roads were absolutely silent since it was still so early, and they got to their destination in no time at all. The car parked up in the deserted park, and the two men climbed out immediately hit with the cold. Levi wrapped his scarf around his neck twice, shuffling his nose and chin into the folds of fabric. The January air was extremely bitter, and a blanket of frost lay on the grass and coated the few leaves that had managed to cling to the trees. As a cool breath of wind flew past, Levi burrowed his cold hands into his coat pockets.

Erwin stood tall, as always, in a long, dark blue coat that was thick and made of wool. He too had a scarf on, but let his nose and mouth feel the cold air instead of hiding under the warmth – they were both slightly dusted pink, making him look as though he was blushing. He smiled at the man beside him, before the two set off in the direction of the benches at the centre of the park.

Once away from the car park, Erwin thought it was best for him to speak first. He knew that Levi was never good at starting deep conversations, so put the responsibility on himself. And he didn’t want to wait until they were sat down on the benches; the silence on the journey was aching, anymore and it would become unbearable.

“Things have been hard recently, haven’t they?” He paused waiting for a response, but Levi just continued to walk forward in silence, eyes on the path ahead. “Well, I’ve certainly found them hard. The break up was a shock to my system, and I needed time to recuperate and feel myself again. However, a few months on and I still feel like I’ve lost a limb, Levi. You just mean a lot to me, and you’ve always been in my life. I started seeing Marie to get over you, to help me move on.”

“Me too.” Levi grumbled through his muffled scarf.

“Hm?” Erwin replied, unable to properly hear what the small man was trying to say.

“Me too.” He moved the scarf down from his mouth so he could properly speak. “With Eld, I mean. I slept with him because I wanted to get over you, but he looks like you so it didn’t really work.”

Erwin felt taken aback. He didn’t realise that Eld was similar in appearance to himself, and he didn’t realise that Levi wasn’t actually in love with him and was too using him in a similar way to Marie. His face must have shown the shock he was feeling, since Levi paused in his tracks and pulled a puzzled face at Erwin.

“What? You thought I was properly with Eld?”

“Well yes. I suppose so. That’s the impression I got from social media, what with all the photos of you all hanging out all the time. I genuinely thought you had managed to properly move on from me, which is why I threw myself into my own relationship even more.”

Levi snorted. “A relationship? All we do is fuck. We’ve literally not done anything properly. He’s too needy and expects too much too fast.”

“I see.”

The couple walked in silence further into the park. There were a few people mooching about, mainly with dogs they were walking. It was still very early in the morning, it probably hadn’t even approached seven thirty yet, but it was the best time to come and talk things through. It would have been very uncomfortable if the park was bustling with people and they were having a deep heart to heart.

“Sorry I phoned you, especially drunk.” Levi mumbled out, before groaning slightly at the thought that he had even drank. He had been trying so hard to contain the anger about what he consumed, and so far was succeeding in it, but he still felt incredibly annoyed and disgusted with himself. “I can’t fucking believe I did that.”

“You don’t need to apologise to me, Levi. I already told you this yesterday. I’m just saddened that you turned to drink after all these years.” And Erwin truly was saddened by the act. His eyes warmed at Levi, the sympathetic smile that he managed to pull out whenever appropriate.

“I shouldn’t have made you come from Mitras.”

“Levi.” Erwin lowered his voice so it sounded stern, father like. “I do not want to hear it again. We’re not here to talk about what happened that night. We’re here to talk about what we both want moving forward.”

Levi just nodded, before sitting down on a bench and letting out a deep sigh. He relaxed his head so it rested backwards, and closed his eyes as the sun was bright upon his face. Erwin placed himself softly on the bench next to the smaller man, and too let out a subtle sigh. He made sure he didn’t sit too close to Levi yet, though, despite how tempting it was to wrap the smaller man in his arms and pull him close. It was heart breaking to see Levi struggling, and even more so to see how annoyed he was with himself. But for now, they needed to talk.

“And what is it you want, Erwin?” Levi spoke, putting himself in a seating position. Erwin leaned forward, hands cupped in one another, thinking.

“I want you, Levi. You know that.”

“But?”

“But it’s so hard. We couldn’t barely cope through the first few months, and I’m there for just under three years. Do you really think it would work?”

Levi gulped. “If we tried harder.”

Erwin just looked down, slightly shaking his head. “Really? We were calling each other daily, messaging all the time. And yet I still struggled, so much. It wasn’t fair on you.”

Levi began to feel a lump in his throat, this was not how he was expecting the conversation to go. “And? Does that matter? Look how good we are when we’re together.”

Erwin sighed again running his hands through his hair, messing it up. “I know, we’re amazing together.” He paused. “I just, I love you so much. So damn much, Levi. That’s why I rushed on hearing you needed me. That’s why I finally decided to phone you after waiting for months on end for you to contact me. I just-“

“Wait. You were waiting for me to message you?” Levi asked, his voice full of puzzle and confusion.

“Well, yes. Of course. My mother said you’d need space, and it would be best to leave you to it rather than for me to just argue with you again and try to prove why it was okay for me to kiss Marie that night.”

Levi finally looked up at Erwin then, properly. His eyes grew wide with a mixture of shock and frustration. “You’re joking?! I was waiting for you to call me for ages, and because you didn’t I decided to start seeing Eld. Oh for god’s sake, we could have got back together earlier.”

Silence fell upon the pair at the last comment: they weren’t back together, not yet. Erwin was saying both that he wanted to be, and that he didn’t. Levi was getting so confused that he felt he had to ask again. “Do you want to get back together?”

The six words muttered from the smaller man’s mouth in a whisper, they held so much vulnerability that Erwin’s eyes too grew wide as he turned back to the other, pupils beginning to shake slightly.

“I do, I really do. But Levi, now isn’t right. We just can’t feasibly get into a relationship again.”

“Why?” Levi muttered again, his voice becoming slightly firmer.

“You know why, I’ve already said. It’s not fair on Marie either, and Eld. I live with Marie now, I’ve been with her for a few months. You need to talk to Eld, sort things with him. I know he’s been trying to contact you yesterday. Do you really think we’d be able to get into a happy and stable relationship again, with all this going on around us?”

“Probably not.”

“You know how hard it was for us both when we were apart, I couldn’t drag us both through that again. Please know that I stayed up all night thinking of the best thing to do, and my heart is still telling me to stay with you Levi. It is. But my head is saying the reality, that we couldn’t possibly do that to each other yet. It wouldn’t be right.”

Levi just nodded, staying in silence. _Listen to your heart_. But Erwin wasn’t listening to it, and was just carrying on.

“Everything happens for a reason. So what I propose is we don’t get back together for the rest of our educational careers, and as soon as we graduate we can see where we both are and go from there? I don’t want you to feel tied to me whilst I’m half way across the country. I want what’s best for both you and me, and in the position we’re currently at, I think that is going to be best for us. Don’t you agree?”

Levi couldn’t look up. He didn’t want to make eye contact with the beautiful man in front of him, he didn’t anticipate the conversation leading to yet another break up. He thought they were both going to get back together, Erwin move home from Mitras, leave Marie. But clearly Erwin had other plans, and Levi didn’t want to argue.

“Right, okay.” His voice was soft, weak. “So this is yet another goodbye?”

“No, not another goodbye. This is a ‘see you soon’ – and you can contact me all the time, see if we can go back to how we were before our relationship.”

“What? Me obsessing over you all the time? And you not even realising?” Levi tried to pass a laugh, but it turned into a sarcastic snort. But Erwin passed it off, knowing Levi was just trying to hide how he was truly feeling. And to be honest, that was best for the two of them at that moment, because Erwin was putting on a brave face too.

“A little. But this time, I’ll be obsessing over you too.”

The words fell silent, and all that could be heard in the park was a few subtle barks in the distance. But there were a few snuffles coming from the smaller man, who was burying his face as deeply into the scarf as he could; he didn’t want to cry, but he also couldn’t stop himself from shedding a few tears on hearing that he was parting from the love of his life again.

“Hey, hey Levi don’t cry.” Erwin’s comforting voice enveloped the smaller man, as did the arms that wrapped around him as the words spoke.

“I’m not crying.” He grumbled, wrapping his arms around Erwin and squeezing tight. If this was the last time he’d properly be able to hold the man for the next three years, then so be it. He’d make the most of it. And Levi promised himself that he would wait for Erwin, always.

“We can talk all the time, I promise. Just like before but there won’t be any pressure to call or message, just whenever we both get a free moment.”

Levi nodded into Erwin’s chest.

“And whenever I come home, I promise to come and see you. You’ll be my first stop.”

Levi nodded again.

“And I won’t bring Marie with me. To be honest, I don’t think we’ll be staying in a relationship once I get back to Mitras anyway. But now isn’t the time for her to plague our moment. So when I come home, we will always have a sleepover with just us two. Okay?”

Levi nodded for a final time, trying not to think about how Erwin still called it sleepovers, and how cute he really was. So he didn’t, and he pulled away from the taller man, looking up to him with soft and glassy eyes. Erwin was the only man who would ever have the luck of seeing this side of Levi; the truly vulnerable, truly in love Levi. And he felt blessed for that.

Erwin lent down and placed a soft kiss on Levi’s head, wanting to hide his own facial expressions. He knew that breaking down with Levi in front of him would only make things worse for the both of them, so instead he squeezed his eyes shut and hoped the cold wind would blow the water away.

After a few moments of peace, they both parted and stood up from the bench, Levi standing on his tip toes and placing a soft, parting kiss on Erwin’s mouth. The latter responded by ducking down to meet him there. To anyone else, the height difference might come across as comical, but to the two men, it was perfect. They kissed and held it for a few moments, before Levi pulled away and looked around.

“Would you like a lift home, Levi?” Erwin asked, only slowly removing his hand from Levi’s arm where it was placed.

“No, thanks. I need some time.”

“Of course. I’ll walk you out of the park though.”

Levi didn’t reply, and let the taller man follow beside him in absolute silence. They were both overwhelmed again, and the parting was going to be hard yet again. But this time it felt different, it felt lighter. Whilst they weren’t back in the relationship they both properly wanted, they were going to try and be friends again which was a good start. And it wasn’t as though they didn’t know what was going to happen this time round.

_Just three years_ , Levi thought, _and he’ll be mine again_.

The gates to the park appeared quicker than either of the men would have liked, and they both paused in front of them, looking each other in the eye.

“Should you ever need anything from me, Levi – should that be help or just someone to talk to, message me immediately.”

“Okay. You too, Erwin.”

“I will do. And we’ll keep in contact. I’m truly sorry it has to be this way again.”

“Shut up.” Levi grumbled, not wanting to start crying again. He furrowed his brows and looked down at his shoes as a distraction. Erwin placed a finger gently under his chin and pulled his face up, locking lips for one last time.

“Until I come home in February. Look after yourself, Levi.”

The smaller man just nodded and turned out of the park quickly. He could feel eyes on him as he dashed down the street, only allowing himself to properly cry once he was sure he was out of sight. And heart breaking enough, the moment Erwin reached his car, the heavy head and heavy heart rested on the steering wheel and let out a deep sob.

_How am I supposed to go home to Marie when I’m this in love?_

*****

Kuchel was sat waiting in the living room for Levi to get home. She had cancelled her shifts over the New Year period after the panic with her son, and decided she couldn’t face work before speaking to him and talking things through thoroughly. Her heart still broke at the fact he’d touched alcohol, but after a long thought process and a chat with Mrs Smith, she decided to not mention that as the start of the conversation. As Erwin’s mother suggested, talking to him about what actually happened was the best option for now.

And Kuchel knew her son better than anyone in the world – she knew that he’d be hurting, she knew that he’d feel so much regret and remorse over the fact that he had drank; something bad must be going on for him to act that way, and all she wanted to do was comfort.

The door sounded a few moments later, and a small man with black hair entered the room. Kuchel looked up immediately, trying to lock eyes with Levi, but his stayed down; eyes looking red and puffy, shoulders held low. His shoes were removed at the door, as well as his coat and scarf, hanging them in their usual place by the door. A subtle sigh escaped his mouth, before he wandered to sit beside him mother in absolute silence. Today was going to be a big day of apologies and serious conversations.

Before Levi could even begin to speak or explain the events of the last few days, and before his bum even hit the sofa, Kuchel had stood up and held him into a tight squeeze. Relief flooded through her body at seeing her son back at home. They had entered the New Year arguing, he had entered the New Year struggling – and she just wanted him to know that she was there. Levi held her back, and the family didn’t move for a few minutes, before Kuchel decided to pull away and sit back down.

“Mum, I’m so sorry.” Levi started, his voice already wobbly. He never thought he’d have to have this conversation with his own mum. “I wish I never drank. Isabel and Farlan would be so angry with me.”

“Now, now Levi. I don’t want to hear about that yet. I want to see what actually happened.”

Levi sighed, fiddling with his fingers. “It’s just so hard, mum. Erwin I mean. I miss him so fucking much, and yeah Art College is good and my new friends are fine but being there with Mike and Nan, and everyone from school, it was just hard.”

“Sweetheart, even if it is hard you can’t go running off from people who care about you. Mike was almost in tears apparently, when he phoned Erwin in such a panic. It was a relief Mr Smith phoned me too, otherwise I still wouldn’t know where you were.”

“I know.”

Kuchel sighed. She didn’t want this to be a lecture, she wanted to talk to her son properly and find out what was really bothering him so much.

“And did you and Erwin speak today or yesterday? Have you talked through what happened?”

“Yeah. We’re not getting back together. I thought we would, but we’re not.” His voice was becoming monotone: the way it does when Levi doesn’t want to think about things properly, the way it does when he can’t face reality. And Kuchel knew this, and didn’t want to press him further.

“I’m sorry, sweetie. Look, you’ve had a rough few days. Go and rest for a bit now, and we can talk about this when you’re more yourself. Okay? But I promise that I have forgiven you for drinking, as long as you don’t go near the poison again. I’m sure Farlan and Isabel will forgive you too, considering how much has happened recently.”

Levi nodded slowly, extremely thankful for the words his mother had just said. That’s what he needed to hear: he wanted his old best friends to forgive him, and Kuchel always talked about how they were with him always, watching over him – Levi had grown up believing that, and it was always a comfort to him, knowing that they were there through the thick and thin of it all.

Feeling less anxious about the entire situation, he let the sadness of his recent news on Erwin consume him, and settled down on the sofa in a ball. Kuchel sensing that her son was upset about everything, retrieved the big, thick blanket saved for days when they both needed extra love. He took it gratefully, snuggling up as the television was put on and Levi could relax, focusing on nothing important; settling himself down on the sofa more as Kuchel turned the television on for him.

A cup of tea was made for Levi as well, before Kuchel offered to take Levi’s phone for him and give everyone a quick text to let them know he was safely at home. But her words fell on short ears, as Levi zoned out completely, not wanting to hear anything more about what had happened over the last few days. For now, he wanted to just think of nothing.

And so, Kuchel left her son curled on the sofa, sneaking off into the bedroom to spend some time to herself as well. It was killing her to see him to vulnerable and distant, especially when he seemed to be doing so well. The worry of her son was keeping her awake at night, making her long shifts at work seem endless. All Kuchel wanted was to end her son’s suffering, and she had hoped that Erwin was going to help be the cure.

But not for now, for now Levi needed her more than anything.

*****

The drive back to Mitras was a sombre affair. Erwin wanted to be in silence, but instead spent half the journey on loud speaker to Marie, who was both shouting at him and crying down the phone that he left her alone at the party. But Erwin couldn’t think of anything that she’d deem as a good excuse, so he told her the blatant truth.

He started by telling her about Mike’s phone call, then that he rushed to Levi. He told her he was in a bad state, that he took him home to protect him. Erwin told Marie that he kissed Levi, that they slept together. He didn’t want to keep anything a secret again, not after the unsuccessful break up last time. He wanted all the cards on the table.

So whilst he was saying all this, Erwin also began to talk about how much he hated Christmas this year, and how out of place he was at the entire event. Marie argued back saying that Christmas went ‘swimmingly’ and that her family loved him. She didn’t talk about the fact he’d cheated, presumably waiting until they saw each other in person.

After the phone call lasted a total of one hour and fourty eight minutes, the couple decided to end it there and go for a coffee in a few days, once they’ve had time to think things through.

But Erwin wasn’t bothered too much; he was upset about hurting yet another person’s feelings, but he didn’t regret anything that had happened with Levi. It was what they both needed, it felt good to be able to show how much they were both struggling without each other, good to fall into one another’s arms again. Good for them to both feel something that wasn’t heavy.

Throughout the rest of the journey, Erwin thought of nothing but Levi. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way the smaller man felt in his arms, the way he opened up and cried to Erwin, the way he made him blush so much. Memories plagued his mind from the year they were together, and they did fill him with happiness first, before regret.

He had never regretted something so much before. Erwin felt so much guilt about the fact he had kissed Marie and that he let Levi walk from his life. He felt so much guilt knowing that he was the reason Levi polluted his once perfect body with alcohol; something he promised he’d never do. And that fact was eating Erwin inside and out.

As soon as the car parked outside the flat, Erwin walked in to find Marie had gone, presumably to stay over at her friends. So he locked the door, and climbed straight into bed, curling up into a small ball. And finally, in the silence of the empty flat, he let out a cry.

_How have I let him go again? How have I lost Levi again?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a little longer coming out! I'm afraid the next chapter will as well, simply because of work and uni ;-; and I apologise that the last two bits of the chapter are quite short, but I really wanted the main focus of the chapter to be on their conversation in the park, not the aftermath. The next chapter will cover things like that!
> 
> And thank you all so much for continuing to read my work, and thank you all for your amazing comments and kudos you're leaving me <3


	30. Just Three Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi needed to apologise to everyone he hurt on New Year, as did Erwin.

The holidays ended too soon for Levi. Once Erwin had left to go back to Mitras, there were only three days to 'relax' before college picked up again. And in them three days, he had to fix things with practically everyone he knew that he’d abandoned on New Year. So really, alongside trying to get over the fact he and Erwin had parted ways yet again, there was virtually no time for Levi to think things over properly. He was aware that everyone would be annoyed with him, well aware that he really needed to fix things with everyone. One thing Levi hated doing was serious conversations with anyone other than Erwin, but he knew it was the responsible thing to do. And Kuchel kept pushing him to do is, so the first person he wanted to talk to was Petra. 

Kuchel dropped him off outside her house early the next morning, waiting patiently at the bottom of the drive. The plan was to call round at everyone's house and apologise, but leave him at Hange's to talk properly for a while. And afterwards, Kichel was going to use the oppertunity to talk to Levi about the alcohol in the best way possible, when he was most likely feeling open about discussing it after speaking about it all day. His mother hadn't spoken to him about the whole situation yet, not wanting to upset her son or pressure him into the matter, so this was definitely the most sensible option.

Tentatively, Levi knocked on Petra’s door, repeatedly looking back over his shoulder at Kuchel. It was rare for him to feel nervous to talk to people, but he needed to do this. It wasn’t fair how he treated everyone at the party, and felt he owed an explanation at least. Now, the clock was approaching ten in the morning, a few days after the incident. Levi had assumed that everyone would be at home, since it was technically still the holidays. And he stood correct, as Petra slowly answered the door to the smaller man still in her pyjamas. Before he could even begin to speak, arms were wrapped around his small frame and pulled into a tight hold. Petra squeezed her eyes shut, pulling him closer with every breath.

“Levi, I’m so glad you’re okay. We’ve all been so worried.” She breathed out into his shoulder, before pulling back from the hold but still clinging to his arms, just at a length by now. Her eyes looked watery, and her face was filled with concern and a million questions she clearly wanted to ask.

“I’m sorry.” Levi mumbled, he knew it was his turn to do the talking and explain things. He knew he shouldn’t have left Petra that night, especially since Oluo didn’t end up coming to the party. “Sorry you were left alone.”

“Shut up! I don’t want your apologies, Levi. I just want to make sure that everything’s okay with you. Do you want to come in for a bit and talk?” Petra lowered her tone so it was kind and caring, and so much so that Levi couldn’t say no to his friend. He turned to his mother, still sat in the car, and symbolled for her to go, that he was going to chat. Immediately, Kuchel smiled at her son and drove away, sending a quick text when she got home for him to give a call when needing to go to Mike’s.

Once the car dispersed, Petra turned back to Levi. “Let us go upstairs to my room. Mum is mulling about, but I think this chat should be just us two.”

The girl stood aside the door, allowing Levi to come inside and slide his shoes off at the door. She began to climb the stairs, and Levi followed suit, his footsteps following the very familiar pattern to her bedroom, where he was just before running off from all his friends at the party. As soon as they entered the room, the pair sat down on the bed, the door firmly closed.

“So what actually happened, Levi? Why did you run off?” Her voice was soft and soothing, showing no signs of anger. He guessed that Petra understood that he’d been through a lot, and more that he was missing Erwin at the minute. So Levi spoke: deciding that Petra deserved to know.

“I just needed to get out. It didn’t feel right, any of it. Everyone had _someone,_ and it was like Erwin was completely forgotten. And I started panicking, didn’t want to stick around afterwards.” He paused, not sure what else to tell the girl. But she was still looking on at him with inquisitive eyes, wanting the whole truth.

“But Levi, where did you run off to? Why didn’t you answer any of our calls? We all left the party looking for you, but no one knew where to go. I was terrified.” Petra’s voice started to wobble slightly, causing a pang of pain to shoot through Levi’s heart. The last thing he ever wanted to do was upset anyone, worry anyone. He was thinking of himself the entire time.

“I went to the park. But the store first, I went to the store.” He took a deep breath, sighing as he spoke. “I stole some alcohol and drank it before Erwin rang me. I fucking drank, Petra. How disgusting.” His voice was harsh; raspy. Levi was still trying to come to terms with the entire situation.

“Oh Levi, drinking doesn’t fix things. It just makes them worse.”

“I know. I’m so pissed at myself.” He shook his head.

“I wish you’d have spoken to me first. I’d have left the party with you, happily. We could have spent the night here just watching films like we usually do.”

“I couldn’t, Petra. You and Hange were finally getting on, I wasn’t going to fuck that up. Whatever, it’s done now.”

The room fell silent as wandering eyes lingered over the smaller body on the bed. Petra didn’t pass judgment on her best friend, understanding what he meant. Instead, she just put a very concerned hand over his and squeezed it softly; a small gesture with a million meanings. All she wanted at the end of the day was for her best friend to be happy again, not worrying over his ex or sad that he’d drank.

“But yeah. I answered to Erwin. He came all the way from Mitras to check on me. All that way, Petra. He was at a party with Marie and drove to see me.” He paused, gathering the thoughts from what occurred, “And from what I’ve been told he took me to his. The morning after, I was sick. He looked after me, we slept it off, and we had sex. He went back to Mitras.”

It was then that Petra’s eyes grew wide with wonder over the fact they had slept together. Hange had informed Petra at the party about everything that was going on in Mitras: Erwin and Marie were living together, doing virtually everything together. But Hange did admit that Erwin didn’t seem the same, he seemed distant and often confided in them that he was really missing Levi. It didn’t surprise Petra that they had slept together, but what was surprising that it happened whilst Erwin was dating someone else.

“You slept with Erwin?” Came out of her mouth in absolute surprise. Nothing else was new, Mike had already told her everything that had happened from when Erwin rang him, and the text from Kuchel yesterday was brief but provided enough. It was the fact that he got with Erwin again. _Isn’t he with Marie?_ – The silent question hung in the air, so Levi provided answer to the two questions he heard.

“Yeah.”

Petra slightly furrowed her brows, looking at Levi with even more concern in her face now. She was worried for her friend, and annoyed at Erwin for doing that he did. Silently, she whispered “I can’t believe Erwin.”

But Levi heard and frowned at her, demonstrating that he didn’t blame Erwin at all. “It was a mutual thing, Petra. He said he was talking to Marie about it as soon as he can.”

So the girl sighed, deciding to see what else had happened between the two men. “So are you two planning on getting back together then? If he’s talking to Marie?”

Levi remained silent for a moment, not showing any real emotion. He’d taught himself to completely distance from the situation so he could remain unaffected by it. “No. We talked the day after, decided it wasn’t for the best. He said it was too hard, being too far from each other.”

“Oh Levi, I’m so sorry. I know how much you still love him.” Petra wrapped an arm around her best friend, and Levi chose to accept it. For now, he knew that Petra was the best friend he could have: he knew that he needed someone like her to be there for him, and didn’t want to push that away. So they hugged for a while, before shifting back to being separated.

“Yeah, well. He said we’ll see how we are after college. Three years to go.” The last part was said with a level of sarcasm and annoyance – three years was such a long time, not as short as the sentence sounded. He sighed subtly, before standing up and facing Petra.

“I have to go apologise to everyone else from the party. But I’ll see you before we start college again. Sorry for running off and leaving you alone.”

“Yeah, we can get something planned before term starts. And it’s okay Levi, I told you that you don’t need to apologise as long as you’re okay. I’m always here if you need me.” She smiled a caring smile, before Levi turned and left the room, running down the stairs and letting himself out of the house.

His phone rang for Kuchel to collect him, before taking a seat on the bench at the end of the street and waiting for his lift to appear. Only Mike, Nanaba, Hange, ad Moblit left to apologise to from the party: he didn’t know anyone else there, and was unlikely to see them again either. He also needed to apologise to Eld, but was trying not to think of that yet: he knew that one would make him feel the worst.

At Mike and Nanaba’s, the apology went down quickly in the doorway. Mike had already heard the entire story from Erwin, who phoned him a few hours after getting back to Mitras. That was obviously passed on to Nanaba, and so they didn’t press Levi too much, knowing how hard he was probably taking everything. Instead, Mike put a firm hand on Levi’s shoulder and told him he was always welcome round if he was in need of a friend, and Nanaba gave him a huge cuddle, saying the same as Mike. She always had a soft spot for Levi; despite him being so small and angry, she knew he was a teddy at heart and loved that about him.

So he accepted their forgiveness, and climbed back into the car to go to Hange’s house. He knew this was who would make the biggest fuss out of him, and also wanted their opinion over everyone else’s, mainly because Hange was predominantly out of the situation with Eld. They knew of him, and what had happened between himself and Levi, but didn’t know him as a person, so advice could be passed justly. But he also wanted Hange’s advice because they seemed to know Levi better than anyone else, and always suggested the best outcome.

As soon as Kuchel dropped him off and headed back home, Levi was already being dragged upstairs by an annoyed Hange before being forced to sit on the chair at the desk, a very shocked and embarrassed Moblit laying topless in bed. Subtly, the cover was pulled up over his chest a bit more trying to hide his modesty.

“Levi Ackerman I am so angry with you.” Hange began, frowning. “You cannot just run off from a party when we haven’t seen each other in months. I don’t care how bad you’re feeling, because we were feeling bad when you left too. We want our little Levi to be happy, and the only way we can make you happy is by keeping an eye on you and making you have fun. Running off is not fun!”

“Hange, let me explain.” But Levi’s voice went unheard in the room, well, unheard by the one talking – Moblit looked over to him with worried eyes.

“And more importantly, you ignored all my calls. You can ignore anyone else’s, but not mine! You had a panic attack and ran off, do you know how scary that is to witness? I went out looking for you for about an hour, but you’re so damn speedy for someone so small, and I couldn’t find you! It’s a very good job that Erwin is hopelessly in love with you enough to come home and find you!”

“Hange.” Levi’s voice wasn’t upset, wasn’t scared. He was getting frustrated that his friend wasn’t hearing him out. But instead of continuing the lecture, arms were wrapped around his small body much to his surprise. And his annoyance. He was getting touched far too much for his liking in one day, but his guilt wouldn’t let him protest it and he let all his friends make a fuss. If anything was going to put him off running away again, it would be the hugs he gets for not disappearing forever.

“Levi I was so scared.” Hange wailed out, holding on to him for dear life. He raised his hand and patted the lower of their back, before finally, Hange stood and sat on the bed opposite him. “Please, don’t run off from me again. Especially when we haven’t seen each other in so long.”

Levi was forgetting: the last time he ran off from all his friends, he ended up being taken to hospital. It was after the exam results came through, after he found out everyone was going to different colleges across the country. His friends didn’t forget though, which is why they were all so worried. Which is why they ultimately ended up contacting the one person who they knew would get through to Levi – Erwin.

“Hange.” Levi said, sternly. “I’m sorry about what happened. Honestly, I’ve never felt so bad. But running off was the only thing to make me feel better. But I need, _need_ to talk to you in private.” His eyes drifted over to the lump in the bed, and Hange followed the direction of his view.

“It’s only Moblit, he won’t say anything.” Hange replied, with a smile.

“Hm.” Levi grumbled, staring at the stranger in the bed. He wanted to give a more humble apology to Hange, but was feeling very overwhelmed with their reaction. If he could explain the situation to them, then they might understand things more. But he didn’t feel comfortable talking about his sex life in front of a complete stranger. But, he seemed trusting enough, as Levi questioned his trust by raising a subtle brow at the man upon Hange’s remark.

Moblit replied with a firm nod, then proceeded to reach a book and pretend to read it, as though he was ignoring the conversation as a whole. Levi just rolled his eyes at the action knowing that he was just trying to be polite, but since Hange wouldn’t let him leave the room, Levi just decided to speak.

“So do you want the full story of what happened?” Levi asked first, trying to debate whether or not to tell Hange about him being sick, and getting so drunk he was almost unconscious; but if Petra already knew all that, he assumed Hange would too. And he was right.

“No. Just the juicy bits about you and Erwin.” Hange said, eyes glowing.

“Right. Okay. So I stayed at his the last few nights. When I was drunk we just slept in bed together. He looked after me, running a bath and getting me food in the morning, and then we kissed.” He paused, looking over at Moblit to see his reaction, “Then we fucked. Then we broke it off again, and he went back to Mitras.” But the man in bed remained expressionless, so absorbed in the book, apparently. Hange clearly had him wrapped around their little finger.

“You and Erwin had sex?!” Hange gasped in excitement and shock, “but he’s with Marie!”

“Like I don’t know that. But it felt right, I guess.” His statement was again ignored.

“But you’re with Eld, Levi! You’re so naughty!” Hange’s voice was bordering on screaming in joy at the gossip that was being revealed. Levi guessed it was exciting, considering how much had gone on recently in their original friendship group, and just took it as a sign that Hange was also routing for him and Erwin to get back together.

“No, I’m not with Eld. I shagged Eld for fun, but we weren’t together. I called that off anyway.”

“What? When did that happen? Petra was telling me you and Eld see each other all the time, you’re practically inseparable. I can’t keep up!” Hange’s eyebrows raised in confusion.

“I texted him on New Year. I didn’t want it anymore.” Levi looked away at that, hearing a subtle gasp from the man in the bed. He already knew it was a dick thing to do; dump someone over text. But Levi didn’t know another way to go about it, and the only way he saw fit was by a text so he could enter the New Year a free man.

“Let me see what you sent.” Their voice dropped to a low, firm level. They were slowly starting to show how much they disapproved the actions Levi had performed in regards to Eld, so he chucked his phone to Hange to read through all their messages. To be honest, they were ninety-nine percent Eld, and one percent Levi.

“Wow, he messages you a lot, doesn’t he?” Hange reported, scrolling through until they reached the bottom. “Levi, you haven’t replied to any of his messages from when you dumped him, he seems heartbroken.”

“That’s why I needed to talk to you. I don’t know what to do.” Exasperatedly, Levi leant forward in the chair and buried his face in his hands, sighing loudly. The two in the bedroom looked on at the smaller man with worry, and even Moblit passed a concerned look over to their partner, who was locking the phone respectfully and placing it down on the floor.

“You still love Erwin, don’t you?” Hange asked, softly.

“That’s a bit fucking obvious, isn’t it? I thought we were going to get back together, but he calls it off _again_ for Marie.”

Hange sighed, “He’s definitely not called it off for Marie. Look, I don’t get to see Erwin much at University, but whenever I do, you’re all he asks about, all he talks about. Haven’t you noticed that he still wears his ring? Haven’t you seen the photo of you two in his wallet? It’s the one we took last year on New Year of you kissing. He hasn’t taken it out yet, he doesn’t want to take you out of his life now.

“So what I’m saying is, if you’re still in love with him, do what he’s asked of you. I know what he said to you, he’s told me – he phoned me yesterday to talk it all through, I am annoyed that he forgot to tell me the part about you two having sex though. But Erwin is madly in love, but he doesn’t want to jeopardize his chance with you again. So wait for each other, until after University. He’s a big softy, and he’s spent so long thinking this situation through. So please, for Erwin, follow it. Trust me, he loves you Levi.

“And in regards to Eld, I’d call it off again with him in person. Give him your reasons. From what Petra tells me, he’s a pretty understanding guy. He’ll forgive you, I’m sure. And then you focus on yourself, and before you know it, you’ll be graduated and living with the love of your life. Okay?”

Levi looked up at Hange with wide eyes. They always knew what to say, they always knew the best thing for him to do, and yet again, they knew again how to handle the entire thing. He wasn’t sure what to say back to them, he wasn’t sure how to take in the fact that Erwin talks about him all the time, he wasn’t sure how to handle the fact he’s still in love with Levi. So instead, a very small, shaky nod comes over Levi, before he stands up in silence and holds Hange tight.

“Three years will fly by, Levi. Please wait for him.”

And with that, the smaller man left the room speechless, and walked all the way home, finally seeing things properly. Finally realising the best way for him to go about the situation, starting by phoning Eld to arrange a date.

*****

Erwin sat in the café, nervously tapping his fingers on the side of his cup of coffee. His leg bounced up and down, the way it does when he was feeling anxious about something, he used it as a way to steady the nerves flowing through his body. When the door rang open, his eye was immediately drawn up to the girl who was walking through the entrance and straight to his table.

Immediately he stood up, straightening his shirt out slightly. He reached out to put a small kiss on her cheek, but Marie pushed him back to sit down, not wanting any physical contact from her so-called boyfriend. Instead, she sat down and took a sip from the drink that Erwin ordered for her.

“Happy New Year, Marie.” Erwin said, finally seeing her in person since the turn of the calendar. But she didn’t reply, and instead rolled her eyes at his usual politeness.

“Let’s not drag this out any more than we have to. I’ve had time to think about what I want, and I’ve decided. I don’t want this relationship anymore.” Her voice was firm and steady, almost unaffected by the break up: it was clearly very rehearsed. “I can’t compete with Levi for the rest of my life, and I don’t want to be second best. I’ve always loved you, Erwin, but right now it’s clear your heart is in another place.”

Erwin remained in utter silence. He knew she was right, he was fully aware that his heart was definitely in another place; a place she couldn’t even come close to, unfortunately. But he knew if he spoke, matters would be made worse. So politely he just looked on at her as she spoke. The original ache from his heart had passed since the day he spoke to Marie on the way home from Mitras; he was fully expecting this entire situation, and so managed to keep a brave stance throughout it all. All Erwin could feel right now was guilt – the guilt from breaking another person by cheating on them, and he felt downright disgusting because of that.

But that didn’t stop the love he felt for Levi. As awful as it sounded out loud, he would have felt so much worse if the person he cheated with wasn’t Levi: but the raven haired man held a special place in his heart, a place that only he could touch. He was in love with him. The true love of his life.

“So my friend is currently in a car outside your flat. I’m coming with you now to pick up the rest of my things and leave you alone. I think this is for the best.” Marie finished the rest of her drink, quickly. The liquid was burning hot, but she needed this to be done. “And Erwin, don’t mess anything up with Levi. He deserves to be happy, as do you. And don’t even think about cheating on him.”

It was then that Erwin decided to speak, “Marie, for what it’s worth. I am truly sorry.”

“Yeah, me too.” She passed him a sad smile finally showing how she was truly feeling. But before Erwin had time to react, she was stood up throwing her bag on her shoulder, suggesting for Erwin to follow. Quickly enough, Erwin shadowed her through the café and straight back to his flat where they packed up the remainder of her things in silence. Marie wasn’t going back to the halls, and instead was going to live in a house with a few friends. It would be much more suited to her.

Once the last of her items were gone, the door was shut and locked, and it fell back to absolute silence. He allowed his body to fall back onto the now cushion less sofa, pulling his phone out and sending a quick text to both Hange and Mike, saying that he’s finished it with Marie. They both send back a sad face and words of encouragement, before Erwin decided it was time to try and find himself again in the confines of his own home now that furniture and mess that weren’t his was gone.

He sprinted around the flat, thoroughly scrubbing it from head to toe trying to get rid of anything that wasn’t Erwin’s. Everything was bleached, washed, cleansed. The pots were put tidily in the cupboard, the rug shaken out. Books stacked neatly on the shelf, and work prepared for going back to class.

Eventually, Erwin managed to finally collapse onto his bed, worn out from the make-over of his home. Thoughts about his relationship filled his brain: but as before, he remained completely unaffected by it. If anything, Erwin was relieved it ended, after all it was for the best. The only thing he could think of was the past few days with Levi, and how much he wished he was with him again now. _Just three years_ , three years of hard work and they could be together again.

And that night, after receiving a goodnight text from the one person he wants to hear from, Erwin drifts off into a very pleasant sleep in an empty bed, thinking of no one but Levi.

*****

Eld agreed to meet up with Levi to talk about the text after a very lengthy phone call. At first, Eld seemed distant on the phone, which was to be expected, however after Levi explained a little more, he was happy to discuss everything in person. It was the one thing that would help him move on, especially since now it had been a few days and Eld had managed to get over the initial shock of the break up. Now he just needed to know why.

They had decided to meet up in a local tea shop, one of Levi’s suggestion. It was cheap and quaint, a little out of town. Levi had to take a bus there, much to his disgust, but he didn’t want to ask Eld for a lift feeling it would be very cheeky since he’s just confirming the fact they’re not going to see each other anymore, in that way.

Once they had both got their drinks, the pair sat down beside one another in the large sofa by the window. All the smaller tables were taken up, so they didn’t have a choice but to practically sit on top of each other, squished up close. Levi frowned, not the ideal seating arrangement for a break up. But he dealt with it, not wanting to drag the feelings on anymore. Eld, on the other hand, seemed perfectly content with the seating arrangements: always the happy one.

“Sorry I was so blunt about it.” Levi grumbled, shifting to try and get comfy next to the tall man.

“I understand Levi. You don’t need to apologise for being blunt, I know how hard things have been for you.” Eld smiled sympathetically, always so understanding.

“Right. I don’t really wanna talk about the entire night again, so for juicy details ask Petra. Okay?” Levi knew he was being rude now, coming across in the wrong way. But he was trying not to think about how bad everything that happened was, and he didn’t feel comfortable enough to talk about his feelings properly with Eld now they weren’t shagging and he didn’t see him as the Erwin in his life anymore.

“That’s also absolutely fine, Levi. I just want to know why you decided to call it off, that’s all. I think I have an idea, but confirmation would make me feel a little better, if that’s okay.”

_Damn, why does he have to be so decent about all this?!_ “Yeah, you definitely deserve at least that.” Levi paused, taking a sigh. He had had to open up so much recently, he was beginning to feel so uncomfortable about it all. “It’s Erwin, I guess I’m still not over him.”

Eld looked down subtly, taking a sip of his drink, before a gentle smile filled his face. “I assumed as much. And I completely accept that you don’t want to see me anymore, don’t worry Levi. Just please promise one thing?”

Levi looked up, confusion in his eyes. He wasn’t expecting Eld to ask something of him after this, he thought it would be break up and walk home. But, he supposed that after what he’d done to Eld, promising him one small factor would be fair enough considering how much the other man had done for him. “I guess.”

“Please can we remain friends? I’d hate to lose you from my life completely.”

Levi nodded, a very small smile on his face and relief flowing throughout his body. He was so glad that it was Eld he’d spent the last few months with, fully aware that anyone else might have reacted in a much worse way. So they agreed to stay friends, and spent the rest of the time in the tea shop sipping on their drinks and idle chit chat. Well, mainly Eld chatting and Levi sat drinking his tea, but either way, it felt normal – the way it had done before they got together, before they made it into something.

It was pleasant for the men to spend time like that together, it felt good to finally be able to talk. However, the entire time, Levi’s mind was wandering back to the other blonde in his life. He was wondering what he was doing, when they’d next see each other: thinking about how good it felt to be held by him again, how good it felt to be consumed by him. But Eld never noticed, and just kept chatting away.

After a good few hours together, Levi got a lift home from his friend, a final hug shared before leaving up to his flat. Kuchel was at work, so Levi headed to his room to give it a very needed clean and tidy since all the events took place. Cleaning helped take his mind off everything he’d told people over the last few days – it gave him a good distraction from his mind.

Finally, once everything was cleaned and tidy, Levi climbed into his bed ready to snuggle down for the night. But before he turned the lights off, Levi sent a very quick text to Erwin now that he felt he could. And the blonde man replied instantly. And that night, he fell asleep contently, smiling at the memory of sleeping next to Erwin.

_22:09: Goodnight, Erwin Xxxxx_

_22:10: Night night, Levi. I’ll see you again very soon :- ) xxxxxxx_

_He could almost hear the silent ‘I love you’ at the end._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for how slow I uploaded this chapter ;-; hopefully I'll be able to get them out quicker soon! <3


	31. Time Moves On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It finally reached the end of first year, so everyone decides a trip together would be a lovely way to end it.

Levi and Erwin both managed to get into the flow of studying straight after the New Year, both with a new bounce in their step. Erwin found a lot more time at home to study and revise with the new found quiet since Marie had moved out, and Levi just seemed so much more himself and so much more motivated since he sorted things out with Erwin.

Kuchel had also finally managed to have the chat with Levi about alcohol – he felt awful when he properly told her about it, being the first time they chatted seriously about everything since he phoned her up on New Year’s Day, and when she sat him down and seriously spoke about what happened to her during rehabilitation. He wasn’t aware how bad it was, how serious everything had gotten for his mother. During that conversation, a lot of tears were shed, and a lot of honesty came out.

Erwin too had come home a few times in the last months of college, much to Levi’s enjoyment. Usually they kept it on the down low since they only wanted to spend time together, and didn’t want anyone else intruding. At first, they started out as they used to: just sitting around together, watching films, enjoying each other’s company. However, the elephant in the room became apparent and the more recent visits often ended with them both in bed together, but the morning after still stating that it was nothing serious – just friends having fun. But by themselves, they were both fully aware they were still totally in love.

But like Erwin said, waiting til the end of college was the best option for both of them, so that’s what they were doing. It didn’t count if they weren’t in a relationship again yet, right? No one knew about it anyway.

Now, nearing the end of first year, exams were approaching and everyone just seemed so _, good?_ Petra and Oluo were looking for a flat together, wanting to move into the next stage of their lives for second year. Albeit, it was going to be student accommodation, but it was a very serious step for everyone in the friendship group. Eld and Gunther were planning on getting a flat together too, since the halls they were currently in were far too expensive. Levi was still happily living at home with Kuchel, who was yet again overworking herself to pay the bills since the landlord upped the cost of their flat yet again, and Levi’s wages were more often than not needed for him to buy art supplies and lunches. Kuchel never expected him to donate his money to the flat, however Levi always felt a pang of guilt when he couldn’t afford to help his mother.

Throughout the six months and in-between visits,, Levi and Erwin had messaged daily and called at least every other day. Since there was now no pressure on either of them, they actually found the time to speak and actually wanted to talk. It was nice, to enjoy their friendship with no additional pressure on their shoulders. Well, no additional pressure other than Hange constantly messaging them both telling them they needed to get back together as soon as possible.

Levi’s college was the last to finish for the summer, his art examination taking place right at the end of the term. Everyone else had already finished and were celebrating, but because Oluo, Eld, and Gunther would have to move home for the summer, the plan was to have a big celebration with the group of friends before parting ways for a few months.

Everyone decided it would be best for the group to camp out in the local woods, much to Levi’s dismay. He didn’t like the idea of the filth, he hated camping – but for his friends, not that he’d admit it, but he would do anything for them. And so he agreed to the camping plan. As soon as he handed the piece of work in, Levi walked straight to Petra’s house from his college. Kuchel had already brought his bags round earlier that day, so he didn’t have to lug them round with him.

Everyone else was already at Petra’s by the time Levi managed to get there, eventually, bags packed and a visible bounce in everyone’s steps, excited for the night ahead of them. Oluo, Gunther, Eld, Mike, and Nanaba were already loading up cars by the time Levi got there from his exam, an unusual smile on his face.

“How did the submission go, Levi?” Mike called out the second Levi appeared at the end of the driveway.

He shrugged, “Okay, I guess.” But from the smile on his face, it was obvious that it went well. Mike just smiled at him, before everyone else continued to say hello.

By the time the two main cars were loaded up with bags, food, and plenty of blankets, Petra came dashing down the stairs with extra things her mother had given her: fire starters, marshmallows, fairy lights – it all seemed unnecessary, but everyone wanted to make it a special night to end the marking of first year. After the very busy last few months, it was definitely needed. No one was ready for the work load University set, and so it would be great to formally unwind as a group.

The seven then drove to the woods where they were planning on sleeping – it was a little after seven at night, so darkness had only just begun to fall: enough lighting for setting the tents up at least. Levi had rang Erwin asking him to come along with Hange and Moblit, but apparently their exams were still going on for another week, so it would have to just be the local lot attending. Which also meant that Levi managed to get his own tent which was both good, but annoying since the person he was meant to be sharing with in the original plan was Erwin.

The cars rolled up to the trees having to stop way beyond their camping spot. The forest got thicker the further in you got, so cars couldn’t make it the entire way. Everyone proceeded to climb out of the two vehicles, throwing as much camping equipment and bags over their shoulders as possible. The idea was to have two per tent: Petra and Oluo, obviously, and Mike and Nanaba. Then Gunther and Eld decided to share since they were going to be living with each other soon, and needed to get used to being in each other’s living vicinity – not that camping in a small, squishy tent was going to be anything like a large student flat. Levi was content with his two man tent.

The perfect spot was located by Mike, saying it was the area that “smelt the nicest”, so everyone trusted his judgment. Tents were set up fairly quickly, and Mike and Eld left to gather some wood for the campfire, whilst chairs were set up in a circle ready for the burning to go in the centre. Petra also hung the fairy lights around the trees surrounding tents, making it feel so homely and cosy – blankets were passed around to each individual ready for when the air would get colder, and to put onto the camping chairs since they weren’t exactly the most comfortable things in the world.

It honestly looked magical, breath-taking almost. The night was slowly feeling heavy on the surrounding areas, appearing even darker now they were in the wilderness with no street lamps or city lights to keep the blackness from engulfing everything. Soon enough, stars dotted the clouds. Levi looked up into the night sky, admiring how different it looked out here than how it appeared in their town. He just wished he was sharing this moment with his best friend as well. Soon enough, chit chat brought him back into reality.

“This is so lovely, thanks for this idea, Petra.” Nanaba said, smiling at the girl sat by her side. The ginger just grinned back at her.

“It’s really nice to properly hang out with everyone again, I’m glad everyone could come this time.” Mike interrupted, putting the pile of wood in the circle and adding the Firestarter. With a match, the flames lit up, blazing everyone around them with heat. He smiled around at everyone, taking a seat next to Nanaba, and Eld sat between Mike and Gunther. No one had officially met yet, not really, so it was good for the high school friends and college friends to finally hang out.

Gunther smiled, “I agree. Good to finally meet the two of you, Mike and Nanaba.”

Everyone fell into chatting after that, conversation flowing freely and easily among the whole group. It felt as though everyone had known each other for years, clicking almost instantly with no uncomfortableness in the air. Mike and Gunther started chatting right away, everything they spoke about being of the same interest to one another, which was lovely to see. Eld and Oluo stayed sat together so the girls could reunite properly, but of course the latter took up almost all the conversation. Levi, sat beside the girls, noticed this, and kept sarcastically rolling his eyes at Eld causing the blonde man to smile. Levi’s stomach felt warm: it was nice that the two of them moved on and could act like friends still, with no negativity between them.

Levi found himself sat next to Nanaba, who was talking to Petra as well. They were both talking about their boyfriends’, Nan telling the ginger haired girl how much she wanted Mike to propose so they could get married and hopefully move somewhere else, buy a house, and settle down. Petra couldn’t help but grinning at that, stating how she was wanting the same for her and Oluo one day, but maybe in a few more years.

It was then that Levi was pulled into the conversation by an inquisitive Nanaba, “And how are things going with Erwin, Levi?” Her smile was kind. “Have you heard much from him, or has he been up often?”

“We talk a lot, yeah. He’s stayed over a few times. We’re good friends.” He replied, pulling the fork from the fire and eating the marshmallow he’d been roasting. Everyone else had opted for the traditional method, toasting with a stick. But Levi found that mucky and disgusting, shocked at just how many germs people were willing to eat just so it felt traditional. A fork seemed much more hygienic to him.

“I’m glad you two are talking again.” She replied, and Levi nodded. Levi didn’t notice the slightly raised eyebrow at the comment of ‘good friends’ but Petra did, smirking back at Nan.

“It’s such a shame he, Hange, and Moblit couldn’t make it tonight. It would have been amazing for the entire group to be together.” Petra said, solemn in her voice. And she was completely right; the entire evening was, so far, absolutely lovely. But it did feel as though something was missing – and that was obviously the other large, jolly personalities in the group of friends.

It was then that Mike decided to join in their conversation, turning from Gunther to face his girlfriend. “Yeah, I talked to Erwin yesterday trying to persuade him to come again. Said he needed to tidy his flat or something before heading back home.”

Levi sparked up then, furrowing his brows and staring at Mike in confusion. “Tidy his flat? He told me he and Hange had exams.”

Then Petra looked around with even further confusion, “No Hange definitely doesn’t have exams. I’ve spoken to them quite a lot recently, they finished weeks ago. They told me they couldn’t come tonight because the first half of the summer was being spent at Moblit’s flat.”

“Well someone’s lying.” Levi looked pissed off, and he was. Why was Erwin avoiding meeting up with him? Or avoiding this whole evening in general? He knew that Levi was looking forward to it, he knew that the smaller man really wanted him to be there. Frankly, he was quite hurt at the turn of events, and stabbed another marshmallow in anger, thrusting it into the fire.

“They are, however let’s not dwell on that. How about we just enjoy the company we have? And worry about that when they actually come home?” Nanaba tried to lighten the mood, as she always did, and Mike just shuffled even closer to her, a soft kiss placed on her cheek.

“I agree. We’re having a good time, let’s just continue to enjoy roasting food and telling stories or something.” Eld smiled around at the group, and everyone proceeded to start to roast marshmallows, taking the bag that Levi had secretly been hogging the entire time. Growing up on top of a sweet shop definitely had given him a taste of sugary things, not that anyone would ever take him as that sort of person.

The night continued well into the early hours of the morning, each person taking it in turns to tell spooky ghost stories. Somehow, throughout the hours spent outside, everyone had shuffled closer together sharing blankets to keep warm despite the heat of the fire being blinding. Now the sky was pitch black, the stories appeared even scarier than they originally did, everyone turning to glance into the darkness every once in a while their nerves taking over them.

But Levi couldn’t relax into the stories properly, completely infuriated at Erwin, constantly checking his phone for a reply to the angry text he sent him. He was more upset than angry at the blonde man though; he just wanted to spend time with him, he wanted Erwin to be involved in the night everyone was sharing. He wanted to spend time with the man he loved.

“Drip, drip, drip. The little old lady walked around the dark, gloomy house trying to find the noise. But the kitchen taps were off, so it definitely wasn’t those.” Mike paused for effect, looking around everyone in the group who was staring at him with wide eyes. Sure, everyone had heard this story a million times, but in the atmosphere they were in, it was a whole lot spookier.

“Drip, drip, drip. The shower head was silent, no water leaking. Once again, the little old lady returned to bed, petting her dog once more for safe measure. And once again, it was under the bed, safe and sound. Managing to drift off, the noise in the dark house perused.”

“Wait! Mike! Shush a second.” Nanaba called out, sitting up a little straighter and looking into the dark behind her.

“What? You _scared?_ ” Mike teased, poking her gently in the side in a joking way. Everyone else looked on and laughed slightly, until the subtle noise in the distant got a little bit louder.

“Can you all hear that?” Now there was a real panic in Nanaba’s voice as the sound of rolling wheels crunching twigs got louder before suddenly stopping. There were three bangs, followed by a final large one. Immediately at that, everyone stood up practically screaming and dashing into their tents. Levi even followed on, sticking very closely to Petra, glancing over his back as they all piled into one tent. A tent that was definitely not made for seven people. But everyone too petrified, no one complained they were sitting on each other’s limbs.

Eld began to speak, merely a whisper. “Could there be bears in this wood?”

“Yeah, bears that have guns.” Oluo tried to be sarcastic, trying to lighten the mood, but everyone just frowned at him worrying that the noise in fact was guns.

“Well, whatever it is will find us ‘cos we’ve left the fucking fire burning.” Levi grumbled. He was right at the entrance of the zipper: the first to be exposed if it was a serial killer.

“Why doesn’t one of us go put it out, then?” Mike questioned, looking directly at Oluo as he said it. The man being interrogated frowned at the subtle suggestion.

“Why don’t you go, Mike?” Petra asked, trying to defend her boyfriend. She was definitely not going to allow Oluo to leave the tent.

“I can’t, I have to look after Nanaba.” He pulled the blonde girl closer to himself, which Levi knew as Mike’s safety mechanism when he’s scared. In elementary school, whenever he was worried about the doctor check-ups or a quiz, he used to pull Erwin close to his body in a panic. Recognising this, Levi just rolled his eyes.

“The longer we stay arguing about who goes, the closer it gets. I’ll just fucking do it.” And before anyone could stop him, Levi was climbing out of the tent trying to look brave and heroic. In reality, he was terrified of whatever it was that was out there, but couldn’t stand to be in that squishy tent anymore.

As quickly as he could, the smaller man dashed over to the fire and threw the safety fire blanket on it, putting the flames to rest immediately. Around him, the crunching of twigs and leaves began to sound even louder, as did a few subtle voices following the steps. Frowning, Levi tried to look off into the distance attempting to see a figure; a clue of whatever the sound could be.

Realising it wasn’t going to be a monster or a crazy serial killer upon hearing a very familiar snorting laugh, he slowly walked to the edge of camp where the voices were clearer now.

“How are we meant to find them if they’ve put the fire out?”

“Just follow the smoke for now. If it comes to the worst, we’ll have to ruin the surprise and phone someone.”

“You could phone Levi. He’s miserable, he hates surprises anyway.”

Levi could almost hear the blonde’s smile. “He’s not miserable, he just likes to know what’s going on.”

Upon hearing that, Levi decided to take matters into his own hands and scare the living crap off the three that had terrified them so much. He pounced forward, aiming to run straight into the Erwin.

The black haired man’s body crashed into the six foot two tall man, jumping into his lap and knocking all the equipment over the floor. Erwin, still panicking not realising what was happening, began to scream causing Hange and Moblit to throw their belongings down onto the floor as well, creating a loud crashing sound.

The noise of a tent zipper opening sounded in the distance, and whispered muffles at the screaming noise came along with it.

“Erwin! Erwin are you okay?!” Hange called from the left.

“LEVI! LEVI, WHERE ARE YOU?” Mike was shouting from back at the camp. The panic surrounding him made Levi begin to chuckle under his breath, tucking his head into the firm chest his entire body was not resting on. It was then that Erwin recognised the very familiar scent and feel of the man on top of him.

“Wait – Levi?” Erwin’s arms reached around the lump on his chest. “Oh my god, you terrified me!” He began to laugh the nerves away.

“I don’t hate surprises. I just hate them on myself.” Levi glared at Hange who was sat beside him on the floor, and they just laughed back. Realising the comprising and very obvious position Levi and Erwin were in, the smaller man stood up just in time for the flow of people arriving from camp. He helped Erwin up, then picked up some of his camping things to carry back into the main camping area.

Moblit faffed around his partner, picking their extra supplies up that had leaked from their bag. But Hange was too preoccupied to notice this, rushing round and giving everyone a squeeze, announcing how happy they were to be here. Everyone responded with equal excitement, helping carry the additional bags back to the circle they created.

Moblit set up his and Hange’s tent in a small camp between two others whilst extra food was unpacked and the fire restarted. Now there were more people at camp, they decided to set the fire going again and stay up later: there was no more risks of imaginary bears or serial killers for now, so everyone wanted to make the most of the company they had.

Whilst everyone got on with their own little jobs, Levi took Erwin to his tent to unpack. Well, partially so he could unpack, and partially so the two could have a private hello. No one knew what they had been getting up to in Erwin’s visits, and they didn’t want anyone to know either. Erwin laid his sleeping bag out next to Levi’s, before turning to face the latter.

“Levi, I missed you so much. Are you surprised I’m here?” He whispered, his body slowly climbing over the smaller man.

“Yeah, you dick. I thought you had exams.” He decided to ignore whatever Mike said earlier, considering it was obvious as to why Erwin lied about why he was staying in Mitras for an extra week.

“Surprise.” Erwin smirked, placing a kiss on the other’s mouth. Levi immediately pulled the blonde’s head closer to his, arms wrapping around his back, their lips locking firmly. Erwin had to slightly steady his body, the passionate kisses from Levi unexpected, which caused him to fall down and almost crush the raven haired man.

“Levi, we have to stop.” Erwin muttered, but falling straight back into the kiss. “Just for now, we can continue when everyone’s gone to bed. But people will be wondering where we are.”

The black haired man pouted: that was not what he wanted, he didn’t want to think about the people outside. He wanted to be enveloped with the man he was waiting for: the man he only had two years left until they’d be in a serious relationship again. “Fine.”

“I promise later Levi. I promise. And you have me all summer then.” Erwin bent down for one more kiss, before awkwardly shuffling backwards from the tent. It was small, and he was big, and it was all a bit of a squeeze. By the time he got back to sit round the fire, his cheeks were flushed pink and his hair a bit tussled, but no one commented on it. Mike just sniffed at him suspiciously.

Levi came out of the tent a few seconds later, cheeks also pink, which Hange decided to follow with a very obvious wink. Eld just smiled at Levi sadly, turning his glance downwards before looking at Petra to talk to her, to change his thought process. But Levi’s thoughts didn’t linger on the man, and instead he walked straight over to Erwin and plonked his body aggressively on the camping chair.

“Erwin, you should have told us you were coming!” Mike called out to the man, causing everyone else’s conversations to stop and listen in.

“I’m sorry, I wanted to surprise you all. As did Hange and Moblit.”

“If you wanted to do that, you should have kept your lie the same. You made your boyfriend there worry!” Mike laughed softly at his own joke, but Nan frowned at him, showing him a disapproved glare. She knew what Levi and Erwin were going through, and it was not a stage for jokes like that to be made.

“We’re not boyfriends.” Levi frowned, picking his cup from the ground that was abandoned earlier and checking the edge for mud. Accepting its cleanliness, the small man took a tip.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever you two say.” He winked at them both, and Erwin just smiled at his old friend, before turning to smile at Levi and continue catching up with him, even though they had nothing to catch up on considering how often they’d spoke throughout the last two terms.

Soon enough, the terror stories picked up again – it didn’t feel right on a camping trip unless you went to bed absolutely petrified, so that was the aim. Mike got round to finishing the story he had been telling beforehand, and Hange decided to tell their spooky science themed ghost tales after. It was at this time that Gunther and Eld retired to their tent, followed soon after by a yawning Petra and Oluo. Moblit had fallen asleep leaning on Hange’s shoulder, the excitement from earlier clearly wearing him out. To be honest, Levi couldn’t blame him – being in a relationship with Hange was never going to be the easiest thing, and would tire anyone out.

“I’m so glad you decided to come.” Nanaba announced, smiling round at the new additions.

“I wouldn’t miss this for the world. It’s nice for everyone to have a day and evening together. It’s the first time I’ve been around with the whole group.” Erwin replied, his body subconsciously leaning onto Levi. The smaller man shuffled his body into the taller man’s, but no one commented on it.

“How have things been at Uni?” Mike decided to ask then.

“Not bad, thanks. A lot of exams recently, but now I’m home for a good three months which is nice. Then just two years to go.” Erwin smiled, mainly directing the entire sentence to Levi despite him not being the one to ask the question. Levi smirked under the glare, but small enough so no one noticed it.

“Yeah there’s been so much work recently.” Hange began, “Hence little Moblit over here being so sleepy. All the time. I do work him a lot, I guess.” They laughed loudly, shoulders shaking in a usual fashion. “I think we’ll head to bed, if that’s alright. It’s almost three and I’m getting tired too.”

“That’s fine, Hange. Mike and I will be heading to sleep now as well I think. I’m too tired to stay up much later. But we can all catch up over breakfast, and all summer too!” Nanaba said, standing up as she did so. With a final wave, Mike followed behind her into the tent and zipped it up shut.

Hange gently awoke Moblit, nudging him to go to the tent. And they followed their partner straight after doing so, heading behind them into the tent and shutting the entrance. Levi and Erwin were left out on the camping seats, the silence of the wood consuming them. The fire flickered slower now, the flames almost dead.

“I didn’t realise you had three months at home.” Levi muttered.

“Yes, they give us a month before we head back for studying and reading. But I fully intend to spend that with you.” Erwin smiled, wrapping a firm arm around the other beside him. Levi fell into it, pushing his body as close to Erwin’s as possible.

“Shall we go to bed, Levi?” He whispered into the dark hair, and Levi agreed. The fire blanket covered the flames, and they both headed to their tent, spending a good few minutes faffing with the zip and taking their clothes off – neither of them realised how squishy the tent would feel once it was time to go to bed, but now they were fully aware of one another’s closeness.

Levi couldn’t remember who initiated it, but the pair started kissing again, picking up from where they left off earlier. Their kisses were slower, but deeper. Erwin wanted to show Levi how much he still loved him, despite not formally saying they were together: he wanted to prove to Levi that he didn’t have time for anyone else but the man in question, and he did so perfectly.

The two of them made love, that night. Erwin had handily brought everything they needed, and Levi had handily got himself prepared just in case Erwin showed up. Despite the blonde man telling Levi straight forwardly that he wouldn’t be coming, there was a niggling in his brain suggesting that he would and the niggling, as ever, was correct.

Erwin and Levi melted into each other at the same time, finished with nothing but love and warmth between them. Trying to ignore how dirty the whole situation felt, Levi allowed Erwin to pull him close under the open sleeping bag, gentle kisses placed down his nose and lastly on his lips. Nothing felt as safe as Erwin; Erwin Smith was _home_.

And if anything was going to protect Levi from bears and serial killers in the woods, that thing would be Erwin’s muscular, protective arms. He smiled, drifting to sleep, breathing in unison.

*****

The next morning, no alarms awoke the group in their tents. It was simply the heat of the sun melting everyone inside their tents; the light was blinding despite the height of the trees, but nonetheless, beautiful. Birds chirping surrounded the otherwise silent atmosphere, sounding like something out of a very cheesy fairytale. But despite all the noise, it did take everyone a while to finally recuperate and wake up properly, allowing themselves to be officially awoken outside the comfort of their sleeping bags.

The first to wake up was Mike and Nanaba, despite been one of the last couples to bed. Both hadn't slept well, and there was no point lingering around with growling stomachs. Being the first up, they decided it was their responsibility to get cooking on their portable stove: courtesy of Petra's mother. Nanaba cooked some beans in a pan that Mike’s dad had lent to them, whilst Mike fried some eggs in another pan over the stove. It was a simple breakfast, but after the amount of sweets and marshmallows the group had eaten the night before, anything heavier would have unsettled their stomachs. Plus, it was nice to have something warm inside them after a cool night. Soon enough, the scent of fresh food made others stir from sleep.

Petra stepped from her tent bright eyed as ever, looking like she’d slept for a million years. Bouncing in her step, she sat down in her dressing gown and fuzzy slippers beside Nan and helped her dish beans onto ten paper plates, ready for everyone to eat. There was no safe way of keeping food warm, so it was fair enough that the last up would have the coldest dish. Oluo followed soon after, taking a fried egg from Mike and sitting down to enjoy his warm breakfast, enjoying the new sights of the wood since it was in proper daylight. Nothing appeared scary anymore, everything just peaceful. They were then followed by Hange, Moblit, Eld, and Gunther all fully dressed and ready for the day. Food was served, and the eight who were awake all sat around the now dead fire, enjoying the quiet around them.

As food filled growling stomachs, general chatter muttered throughout the group, the noise of which finally made Erwin and Levi wake up wrapped in one another's arms. Erwin smiled contentedly at the man huddled close, before sitting up and revealing the mess that they had made all over the smaller man's body. The second Erwin's heat departed, Levi noticed it too, a very firm frown crossing his face. Before even speaking, Erwin began to chuckle, whilst he slipped a t-shirt over his head and wiggled his long limbs into a pair of pajama bottom.

“Want me to see if anyone has any wipes for you?” He asked sincerely. Levi tutted, his frown becoming more intense. They weren’t doing very well at keeping what they’d been up to secret, especially if Erwin steps from the tent and announces it to everyone.

“Yeah. But only ask Petra.” He muttered under his breath tucking his embarrassed body firmly into his sleeping bag, and Erwin nodded politely before shifting awkwardly out of the tent, zipping it up behind him for Levi’s own modesty.

“Ah, finally, here one of them is!” Mike shouted out to Erwin, “Morning! We’ve cooked you some egg and beans.”

“Thank you, Mike. And morning everyone.” Erwin replied whilst stretching, “I think I’ll brush my teeth before I eat though. Petra, do you have a wipe I can use to rinse my face off as well please?” He smiled at her kindly, and no one thought anything ill of the question. Politely, Petra snuck back into her tent and retrieved the item in question passing it over to Erwin. "Thank you."

Erwin then turned back to his own tent, apparently retrieving his toothbrush and paste, but in the process handing Levi multiple wipes from the packet. A soft and chaste kiss was placed on the raven haired man before he could argue that they'd not brushed their teeth yet, before Erwin passed him a smirk and crawled backwards through their little shelter. He made sure to bring his teeth cleaning utensils with him alongside the packet of wipes, mainly so no one would question otherwise. Quick enough, he dashed behind a near tree to give his teeth a quick wash before breakfast.

Moments later, Levi appeared from the warmth of the sleeping bags fully dressed and fully clean - well, as clean as one could possibly be using make up wipes to wash. But nonetheless, he felt less disgusting. Slipping his shoes over his socked feet, he wandered through the camp silently retrieving his breakfast, and then plopped his body down heavily next to Petra's. The whole action was in complete silence, causing most people at the camp turn to face him. Eld smiled weakly: he knew this morning Levi so well.

“Morning, Levi. You alright?” She asked, smiling.

“Tired.” He grumbled. Still not the morning person. She smiled back, and continued to eat. Erwin, noticing Eld's smirk at Levi, came and sat right beside him - as close as he could get without making anything obvious, and tucked into his own beans and egg served by Mike. It was cold now, but he was grateful for the cooked food.

The group all remained quiet that morning – everyone tired from both the discomfort of sleeping on a forest floor in a cold tent, and because they were petrified after the ghost stories told pretty much all evening. The only two keeping everyone up and talking was Hange and Petra, both wide awake and seemingly in a very good mood. Levi just sat in silence, munching on his breakfast beside Erwin. But Petra noticed a glow on him, especially after spending the entire year glued to her new best friend, and kept subtly nudging his side trying to get information out of him, but with each piece of contact, he just frowned at the ginger girl. He noticed that Eld kept trying to pull his gaze away from Erwin whenever looking up, and Levi felt a pang of guilt in his heart - he hadn't thought about how awkward it might be for the other blonde, he just wanted to have Erwin beside him. So he made sure to look up and smile gently at Eld throughout his meal, the other returning it, before someone decided to finally speak up.

“Eld and I will have to get going soon, unfortunately. Our lift homes will be picking us up from Petra’s in two hours.” Gunther announced, carrying his paper plate and plastic cup to the bin bag and popping them in it neatly, Eld following and repeating the same action. 

“I’ll run you both back, Oluo will be heading off for a week today too. But then he's back at mine for a little while. Yay!” Petra beamed at her boyfriend, who pulled her into a hug and whispered something in her ear, causing a stifled giggle. Levi tried not to roll his eyes at how cute they had gotten over their relationship, these little giggles happening more often than not. 

The four of them stood up then, proceeding to pack their tents and items inside up. Everyone watched on as they did so, saddened that the night of joy was ending again so quickly. But the three who lived out of town promised to come back throughout the summer for parties or more camping trips. Then they went around the circle and said bye to everyone, thanking Mike and Nanaba for the food and the ghost stories, saying how lovely it was to meet Hange and Moblit, if only for a short while. Once they had reached Erwin and Levi, everything felt a bit more uncomfortable. Gunther proudly hugged the two, Levi grimacing at the touch but Erwin returning the hold briefly. Eld just smiled at Levi, saying he'd speak soon, and locked eyes with Erwin for less than a second, saying goodbye and dashing off behind Petra and Oluo not wanting to be in the scene much longer. As soon as the four departed the entire camp felt colder, emptier. 

“I guess we’ll all have to be getting off soon, won’t be?” Mike looked up with a saddened smile. “It’s nice that we’re all back together this summer, though. And it won’t be as hard as last one; no one’s dashing off anywhere this time. Nothing new and scary this time round.”

“Very true, and this summer is longer too. We’ll all have to make the most of it, won’t we?” Erwin smiled back.

“Definitely. You have to come stay at ours sometime Erwin. You’ve still not even seen it.”

“I know, Mike. Sorry, everything this past year has been quite hard, I guess. But now there’s two years left of University and I’ll definitely be moving back here.”

The group fell silent then, everyone fully aware why Erwin was saying that. It sparked butterflies in Levi’s stomach; he and Erwin had spoken about this recently. They both agreed that as soon as the tall blonde man moved back home from Mitras, they’d find a flat together and properly settle down. Nothing between now and then would stop them from living their dream. Mike nodded in response to Erwin, smiling as he did so, before Levi stood up and put his and Erwin's plates in the bin, alongside Petra and Oluo's that were left on the side. 

The one thing that broke the silence after was Hange, announcing that they too had to leave to go home. The plan for their summer was Moblit living with Hange and their parents for the first half, then towards the end they’d spend time with his family. So they couldn’t really stay around in the woods for long, especially since Hange’s parents hadn’t seen them since the first visit home early February. And everyone was sure that it was their phone going off all night long, Hange's parent's being quite needy and demanding. But upon that, the camp started moving about, clearing up rubbish they'd left on the floor and getting dressed, ready to leave.

Everyone slowly packed up the remainder of the tents and camping equipment, loading it on their shoulders and heading back to the cars with it. Erwin had used his car to bring the three of them late last night, and Mike’s car was still left. So the tallest of the six offered to run Hange and Moblit home, clearly suggesting that Levi and Erwin needed some more time together - Erwin secretly thanking his friend for this, he really had missed Levi and wanted to spend as much time with him as possible this summer. And nothing could stop that. Gratefully, everyone climbed into their perspective cars with promises to meet again next week at their local milkshake bar where they’d gone for so many years now. And with that and a few more farewells, Mike drove the four away and Erwin drove Levi to his flat.

*****

The car pulled up outside soon enough, the roads familiar to Erwin. The whole way, the two chatted about the new people met at camp. It was the first time Erwin was finally introduced to some of Levi's new friends, and the smaller was eager to know what the most important man in his life thought. Obviously, Erwin barely commented on Eld, simply stating that he seemed "okay" but was a big fan of everyone else, causing Levi to smile proudly. 

“Here you are Levi. Do you want me to help you bring your things inside?” Erwin smiled, pulling the handbrake up.

“Aren’t you coming?” Levi questioned, eyebrows pulled together. He sort of assumed that Erwin would come upstairs with him.

“Oh. Would that be okay?”

“Obviously.” Levi replied bluntly, climbing out of the car as he did so. Shutting the door, he grabbed as many bags as he could manage, before heading slowly up the stairs to his flat. Erwin rushed around behind him, locking the car up and carrying one last bag left in the boot. He smiled as he followed his best friend to the front door, excited to go to the place he called home.

As usual, the flat was silent. Kuchel was working: she was always working these days, Levi couldn’t remember the last time he’d properly seen her at home. He was concerned, but knew better than to pester his mother about working less. He’d tried to do that many times before, and each time she’d told him to focus on himself and stop faffing. So he did just that; but even so, his mind felt a little achy when he thought of how hard Kuchel would be rushing around, ensuring all the jobs that needed doing would be done. Sighing, he dumped his bags on the doormat, slipped his shoes off and made a b-line for the bathroom.

Erwin put Levi's final bag down in the porch, following the latter's steps. His mud laden boots were slipped off there too, taking care not to bring mud from the forest further into the flat especially after how hard Levi cleaned the place, which was obvious from the strong scent of bleach prominent when first entering the home. Erwin followed Levi to the bathroom straight after, mainly because he heard the smaller man calling his name from inside the room. It was obvious this would be the first place the smaller man would head; he hadn't thoroughly washed since the morning of the art hand in, and really needed to clean himself properly - getting rid of any camping grime left on his body.

The second the bath was run and bubbly, Levi lowered his body into the hot water, allowing it to envelope him completely. Erwin too followed in moments later, climbing in subtly behind Levi and snuggling up to him the way they used to when together. In the last few months, the pair had shared quite a few baths together as homage to their old ways – of course though, they weren’t a couple yet. They just did romantic things and brushed it off and something fun to keep them going. But Levi always thought into it more, and to himself he did see them as a couple. It made things easier for him, made the two years apart seem less scary. And secretly, Erwin was doing the exact same thing as Levi. But after their last conversation about their relationship on New Year, neither decided to speak to the other about it – unsure of the other’s feelings on the matter. So they kept going in this usual way, enjoying the company.

Erwin sighed contentedly when the water wrapped around his body. “It’s so nice to be home again.”

Levi nodded against his chest, feeling Erwin’s heart beat against him. He smiled; Levi hadn’t felt so happy for a long time – but now, since he and Erwin managed to talk and then end up the way they had done, he’d just been nothing but content. He’d even managed to stop taking his medication again, managed to feel a way he hadn’t in so many years, not relying on pills to make him stable.

Suddenly a loud ringing sounded out of the silence of the bathroom causing both men to startle and sit up. Levi turned and looked at Erwin with a confused expression, before reaching to grab a towel and climb from the bath. The only person that would phone the home phone at this time of day was Kuchel, and he needed to let her know that he was home safe anyway.

Wrapping the towel around his naked body, Levi dashed through the house picking up the phone as soon as he reached it. It slipped slightly in his grasp since his hands were still slightly damp, but soon got a firm grip of it before speaking.

“Hello?”

“ _Hello_.” The voice replied, a little frantic.

“Who’s this?” Levi questioned, suddenly feeling a deep set of nerves in his stomach.

“ _Levi? Is that you? Oh gosh, hello. Could you get to your mum’s work now?_ ”

“What’s wrong with mum?” At that, Erwin too climbed from the heated tub and grabbed a towel, standing in the bathroom doorway with a concerned look on his face.

“She’s had an accident at work, collapsed half way through her shift.”

He interrupted, not allowing the lady at the end of the phone to say anything else. "Oh my god, what?!"

“ _Don’t worry, we’ve called the ambulance but it will take another ten minutes or so. Can you make it that fast?_ ”

“Yeah.” Levi replied, and without saying anything else, he hung the phone up and looked at the blonde man with worried eyes, which were slowly filling with water. He gulped heavily, panic filling his body. There was no way he'd cope without Kuchel; he needed her for everything. I knew she was overworking. _I should have stopped her, I should have said something._

_"_ I'll take you, Levi." Erwin's voice was calm and collected - inside he was breaking upon the assumption from the phone call, but now Levi needed him to be the solid rock he'd been for so many years. So Levi nodded on, and no further questions were asked. They both got dressed as quickly as they could, throwing on any clothes they could reach easily - Erwin had a clean pair of joggers and a t-shirt kept at Levi's house since they'd started seeing each other more again, which was a relief for now. He threw it on, before dashing from the flat to the car. Levi didn't even bother to do his usual lock checks, just wanting to get to Kuchel's side as quickly as possible. The car raced down the road, aiming straight for the diner.

 

A mother figure to both: they couldn’t let anything happen to her, not yet. Both of them needed Kuchel more than they’d let on.

_Oh god, mum. Please be okay._


	32. Summertime Sadness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuchel is hospitalised after collapsing during a shift at work.
> 
> The first half of this chapter in italics is based in the past, just so you all know!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Sorry if there's any grammar or spelling errors in this chapter, I just wanted to get it up as quickly as I could for you guys because I know I have been a bit slow with it recently. I hope you all enjoy it!

_Levi sat in the bedroom for two days looking on at his mother. His mother that wasn’t moving: his mother that was in bed, in a room that smelt stale and of alcohol. As a child, he didn’t know what to do – he wasn’t sure whether to call someone, or whether to round to his lovely neighbour next door. But what he did know was that his mum wasn’t right and she was seriously ill._

_Thankfully, Kuchel’s friend came round every other day, and Wednesday was the day she was due. As soon as she knocked at the door, Levi stood up from the corner he’d been sat in, blanket in toe. He stood up as tall as he could to reach the keys and posted them through the letterbox to the lady outside. She then took the keys, confused, and let herself in._

_“Levi? Is everything okay?” The lady asked, and Levi just looked up at her with his wide eyes. Upon seeing the smaller boy, Kuchel’s friend was certain that something must be wrong. He was wearing a shirt with stains down the front, his hair messed and covering his face, and his frame was thinning. Frowning, she followed Levi to the bedroom._

_That’s when everything became blurry for the raven haired boy: screaming, panicking, phone calls to the ambulance and the police. Kuchel was sat up, forced to throw up to remove as much alcohol from her body as they could. Social workers were phoned, distant family that Levi didn’t know contacted. Kuchel was rushed off to hospital without a word of goodbye for her son, mainly because she wasn’t awake or in the right mind frame to bid him farewell._

_Without even thinking, a bag was packed by a stranger for Levi and he was put in a car, belted in the back, and given a drink and some food. All he could remember was that it tasted disgusting and not like his own mum’s cooking, but because he was so hungry after not eating for a few days, he gobbled it up. The friendly driver tried to talk to him and get to know him more, but Levi didn’t care. He didn’t want anything but his mum._

_Pulling the blanket that smelt like home tighter to his body, the car pulled outside a very familiar house. A very familiar house, very close to where he lived with Kuchel in Underground Park. And Levi was terrified shitless of this house – it was the one place he refused to go, with or without his mother._

_“Okay, Levi. We’re here now, okay?” The driver said to him, climbing out of the car and helping him from the child seat. His bag was retrieved from the boot and the lady took his hand, practically dragging him up the stairs to the front door since he was adamant that he didn’t want to go in that place. But it was too late now: he knew that Kuchel had been taken somewhere, and that he had to live here now until she came back. And he’d do anything for her._

_Three firm knocks were placed on the door, causing a figure beside the window to stir and walk to their location. A very tall, thin man answered, dressing in a long, black coat and a wide brim hat. He grinned down mischievously at the shaking child, before he patted him on the head and took Levi’s bag from the social worker._

_A few pleasantries were passed between the two adults, but Levi kept his eyes firm on the man before him. Kuchel always liked him, Levi knew that. And if Kuchel trusted the man, then Levi should too, however there was something uncomfortable about the tall man before him. Something that made Levi’s blood run cold and nerves beat harshly throughout his body._

_“Okay then, I’ll be off now. I’ll come back within a week to see how everything is going between the two of you, and if there’s anything I can do to help either of you just let me know. You are Levi’s godfather, so I’m sure Kuchel would be most happy with him being here. All the best.” The safe lady disappeared – as did Levi’s composure. His eyes grew even wider as the tall man beant down to his height._

_“We’re gonna have some fun here, right Levi?” Kenny Ackerman teased, turning back into the house with a swish of his coat and a small Levi behind his footsteps._

                                                                *****

It was happening again, but a million times worse now Levi understood the severity of the situation. The moment the call came through, time sped up and everything passed in a blur. With encouragement from Erwin, the two men thankfully managed to make it to the diner just in time. And just like before, when Levi was small, Kuchel was laid on a diner bench with eyes shut and not moving. _I’m older now, they won’t make me go back to Kenny’s_.

Within moments of their arrival, the ambulance pulled up and loaded Kuchel and the two men into the back. The diner staff waved them all off with very worried expressions: everyone was concerned. Kuchel was usually so strong, so stable. Yet now she was crumbling away, and Levi didn’t like it. He couldn’t stand to see his mother suffering so much, and began to cave in on himself. _She’s not drank, it won’t be like last time. She’ll be better in a day or so, definitely_.

The ambulance was fast, and loud. Sirens blared out showing the urgency of the situation, but Levi zoned out and focussed on the lady in front of him instead. The lady that had given him so much in his life, the lady that held him together when he was falling apart. Erwin stayed supportive, making sure he was aware of everything going on – there was no way that Levi could take in everything that was been said to them. A solid hand stroked in soothing movements at the bottom of the raven haired man’s back, whilst he himself clung to the hand of Kuchel. Nurses rushed around the ambulance, oxygen masks displayed on the mother’s mouth.

No time was wasted as the vehicle pulled into Sina General, only a couple miles away from the diner. The doors swung open and Kuchel was rushed to a private ward in the bed, still unconscious. Levi and Erwin had to run to keep up with the fast moving bed, his hand still grasped tightly in hers despite the numerous staff members telling him to let go. But he wouldn’t let her go, not like last time. He needed to be with her throughout the whole ordeal.

Levi’s mind wandered back to his home, trying to think of what could be wrong with his mother. He was certain no alcohol was in the flat; he was a million percent sure that she wouldn’t have drank, not after how she kicked off about New Year on the phone. She seemed to be eating healthy, going out and getting enough fresh air. All he could put it down to was the excess work she had been forcing herself to do, but surely that couldn’t make someone collapse.

Before he knew it, the three were put into a private room. Drips placed in Kuchel’s arms, to keep fluids going into her sleeping form. Doctors were in and out of the room, before finally taking Kuchel for scans and tests. Levi and Erwin were forced out of this one, not allowing them into the rooms with Kuchel. So the two sat waiting anxiously for her return every time, before Erwin decided another adult should be present, and he called Mrs Smith to come and support everyone at the hospital.

Of course, Mrs Smith dashed straight there and met up with the two men in the room with nothing but hugs. Firstly, she wrapped her arms around Levi who didn’t respond at all, before she turned to her son and offered him support. Whilst this was hard for Levi, it was hard for Erwin too. He had grown up with Kuchel in his life, and if he and Levi were ever to get back into a relationship, she would be his mother in law.

As soon as Kuchel was brought back into the room, Mrs Smith stood up and asked to talk to the doctor outside the room. It was clearly to discuss the condition of their patient, but wanting to keep it away from an already anxious Levi. But as soon as Mrs Smith entered the room, her head was lightly shaken. Nothing. No one knew a thing, no one could tell what was wrong with Kuchel. And the nothingness lasted a very, very long time.

Levi’s eyes remained firmly on Kuchel. Paranoid that if he took them away, she’d go. Paranoid that he’d be taken away again, although he was clearly old enough to look after himself if she did have to go back into rehab. Paranod that if he removed his hand from her touch, she’d fade away. He sighed, trying to hide his glassy eyes. But Erwin noticed, a worried expression in his eyes.

He turned his gaze to Mrs Smith. “Mother? Please can you try and get hold of the doctor again?” He sat politely in the chair beside her, Levi next to him, clinging to Kuchel.

“I can try sweetie. Last time they said give it half an hour.”

His worried azure eyes looked at Levi. The man seemed somewhat smaller, frailer than ever before. Erwin by now had seen Levi at his lowest, but he’d never seen him so disassociated with his surroundings. It was such a contrast to a mere twelve hours before, when Levi was laughing and joking around with him, kissing him, enjoying being reunited for the summer. Sighing, Erwin stood up. “I’ll go and ask, maybe if it’s a new face they’ll hurry up.”

The blonde man left to the nurses’ desk, and talked to them for a long time. When he finally returned to the room, a doctor and two nurses were in toe. Notes of Kuchel’s condition were clasped tightly in their hands, their faces firm and solemn – refusing to show any emotion. Kuchel was still sound asleep, a few subtle twitches were felt through her fingers, but nothing more than that. But they comforted Levi: she was still here, still breathing.

“I see Miss Ackerman’s condition still isn’t stable. Is Levi Ackerman still here in the room?” The doctor asked, his eyes wandering over the three that were sat there. Upon hearing his name, Levi’s gaze drifted to the man.

“Yeah. Can you tell us what’s wrong?” His voice was quiet as he felt Erwin’s hand slip into his spare one on the chair, giving a gentle squeeze. It was something they used to do in their relationship to wish each other luck or offer a hug at a time when one couldn’t be given.

The doctor opened his file. “After numerous scans, we have managed to retrieve some information in regards to Miss Ackerman’s condition, and to the cause of her collapsing during a shift today.” Suddenly, the doctor’s expression dropped slightly. Something which made Levi’s heart pound faster in his chest.

“I am truly sorry to tell you this, but Miss Ackerman has a problem in her liver –“

“Her liver? What kind of problem?” Erwin interrupted, asking all the questions the raven haired boy was wanting to say, yet his voice was lost in worry. Mrs Smith also sat straight in her seat after the doctors’ announcement, eyes flashing with sadness.

Sympathy drowned the doctors’ voice, his eyes drooping. “We discovered a tumour in Miss Ackerman’s liver. But a tumour that has barely grown: we have managed to notice this early on.”

The room fell silent, everyone’s minds running the phrase through. _A tumour in her liver_. Kuchel, who had been nothing but fit and healthy since she got out of rehab all those years ago, had got a tumour in her liver. Levi’s small body began to rock back and forth subtly in the chair, his grasp tightening on Erwin’s hand so much his knuckles turned white.

“So, Kuchel has cancer? Is this treatable?” Mrs Smith asked, trying to keep her voice low to not upset the son of the patient even more. But his hearing was sharp, and he heard the announcement. The word, the word that he never wanted to hear in his entire lifetime. He couldn’t cope without Kuchel, and always assumed that cancer was nothing but a death sentence. His small body began to wheeze in panic.

Erwin turned to face the man, “Hey, Levi. It’s okay, don’t worry. She’ll get through this, your mum is the strongest lady I know.”

But the words of comfort and warmth fell upon death ears. Levi’s body stood to attention, letting go of both Erwin’s and his mother’s hand. He remained silent, staring into space for a moment, before the emotion overtook him. Too many thoughts were rushing through his mind, too many memories. The mouth opened and a piercing scream shot out, slapping Erwin’s hand away as he tried to pull him back down. The doctor walked straight over to Levi, trying to grab him to keep him still, but he was small and fast. His quick feet avoided the strangers hold as Levi started throwing his arms about, knocking water from the tray, flipping chairs upside down. No one could stop him, so they let it play out, unsure what else to do.

The doctor did not want to contact security: he had both their past files on record, and had looked through them both before approaching the Ackerman family with the devastating news. He knew that they’d both had a rough life, and he was well aware that Levi was unlikely to take the situation well, not that anyone ever would.

A few moments passed as Levi wore himself out. The small body collapsed into a heap on the floor, no screaming to be heard. Now all that seeped from Levi was tears that he couldn’t hold back anymore, dripping delicately down his face and landing onto his trousers in droplets. It was then that Erwin could finally approach him, tentatively wrapping his arms around the frame. Surprisingly, Levi accepted and fell into the warmth, basking in something he could only feel safe in.

They stayed on the floor like that for a while, no one wanted to disturb Levi after such a traumatic experience. Nurses came in just moments after Erwin and Levi embraced, but the doctor ushered them away stating he had everything under control. It was clear the screaming would disturb everyone in the hospital within ear shot, but the doctor didn’t care right now and wanted to do nothing but support the boy.

Once the tears stopped flowing, everyone returned back into their seats at the side of the room, Levi’s gaze disassociating with the situation again. His body was shivering, so Mrs Smith carefully wrapped her woollen cardigan over his shoulders, pulling him into a mothering hold. He was sandwiched in between Erwin and Mrs Smith now, mainly so if he reacted again they could help him stay seated. But it was a bonus: he felt safe. _They won’t send me away to Kenny, they won’t let me see my best friends die_.

The situation was deemed relatively comfortable by that point, and the doctor found it the best time to discuss the protocols of treatment and the illnesses with the three in the room. So he headed straight to Levi, pulled up a stool, and sat in front of him.

“Levi, I know it’s a shock. But we’ve managed to catch it in the early stages, and we’ll do everything possible to beat this. Okay?” He spoke as though Levi was a child, but right now, that’s how the dark haired man felt: it was how he needed to be spoken to. He just nodded, letting the other adult in the room chat.

“Will Kuchel be able to come home with us today? Or is she going to have to stay in hospital whilst she fights this off?” Mrs Smith’s arm was still tightly around Levi, pulling him closer as she asked. His body flopped against hers, no effort left in it – no energy.

“Providing she comes around, she’ll be able to come home today. The therapy for won’t take place until more tests are run, however I will arrange appointments for that next week. All of this will be discussed when Kuchel comes back around, of course. I also think you all need some time to think this through thoroughly, ensure you all understand what’s going on. It won’t be sensible to talk it now.” Mrs Smith understood exactly what he meant, and nodded.

“Of course, I’ll bring her in and provide whatever she will need. Will she be okay just at home alone or would you suggest she stays with us at our residence?”

“She should be okay at home, however you must ensure she doesn’t do anything too strenuous, especially for the first few days after collapsing. It’s very clear how overworked she is which is another reason for collapsing, and therefore I also will write a doctor’s note stating that she won’t be attending work for the foreseeable future.” Levi’s brows furrowed at hearing that: he knew his mum, he knew that she wouldn’t listen to that at all.

“I will leave you three in here to talk. Press the buzzer if Miss Ackerman starts to come around anytime soon. And for what it’s all worth, I am truly sorry to have given you this devastating news.”

The doctor stood from the stool, tucking it neatly back into the corner, before opening the door and closing it softly behind him. Everyone subtly exhaled: unaware of the tense breathes they were refraining from breathing out. Exhausted from the whole experience, Levi began to drift into a sleep whilst holding onto Mrs Smith tightly much to his reluctance. Erwin leant over and snuggled up to the smaller man as well, a safety blanket over the right side of his body.

Hours later, Mrs Smith nudged Levi softly awaking him upon the movement of Kuchel from the bed. Finally, she was coming round. Finally, he would be able to speak to his mum again. As soon as a weak eye shot open, Levi pushed himself from the chair and threw himself on the bed, wrapping Kuchel in the tightest hold he could muster on no energy. She smiled and held him back.

“How are you feeling, Kuchel?” Mrs Smith asked, standing up and approaching the left side of the bed, Erwin beside her.

“A lot better after so much sleep. I think perhaps I was just overtired and it caused my body to give in on myself, I am so sorry to have brought you all here and have scared you all.” She smiled her usual grin at the three close to her now, but none of them could smile back. Levi buried his head slightly into her shoulder, and Erwin looked down – wanting to avoid eye contact.

“I’ll just let the doctors know you’re awake.” Mrs Smith added, turning from the bed to press the buzzer. The doctor was alerted, and within the room in minutes. Levi climbed from the bed back to his chair so the doctor could sit up beside her and explain what they discovered from the tests.

As the doctor explained as briefly as he could (the detail would come at later appointments – it wasn’t suitable to discuss it as she just came round), Kuchel managed to held herself together so well. Nothing was displayed in her emotions but strength – there were no tears, no anger. She was the strongest woman any of them had ever seen, accepting her illness with a brave heart and understood exactly what was needed to be done to overcome it. The doctor hadn’t even managed to leave the room before Kuchel had three appointments for the following week pencilled in her diary. The only time she seemed to show anything was upon hearing she wouldn’t be able to work for the foreseeable future: money was already tight, but without a job? It would be even harder, but she couldn’t show that in front of Levi, and so just accepted the note.

Mrs Smith agreed to attend the appointments which were happening the following week, as a means of moral support. Levi tried to offer to go, but Kuchel told him no: she was well aware that he wouldn’t be able to keep a stable and clear mind when hearing what she was going to go through, and so needed someone who could handle the fine details. Levi didn’t like it, but agreed as long as Kuchel was brought straight to him at the end of every appointment. He needed to make sure she was coming home. Yes, the man was strong and brave, however when love was so great for another individual, nothing could prepare someone for hearing about operations and disgusting medicines and the chance of death.

The doctor admitted Kuchel from the hospital, and the four walked to the car park straight to Mrs Smith’s car. For someone who had collapsed at work and been told they had a serious illness, Kuchel walked with positivity in her step and a smile on her face, arm linked with her sons. Levi could tell she was doing it to make him feel more comfortable about everything, make him feel relaxed and reassure that everything would be okay. And he didn’t like her putting on the show, but right now, Levi needed it.

The car ride was silent as they pulled up to the Smith’s residence. Mrs Smith was adamant that the Ackerman’s stop at theirs tonight, so Kuchel could rest and Levi could get some proper food in him after not eating since the morning before his exam, well, not eating a proper meal anyway. As Erwin, Kuchel, and Levi descended from the car, Mrs Smith dashed off to the flat above the sweet shop to collect belongings for the sleepover. All that needed to be collected was some items for Kuchel, as Levi had enough clothes left at their house from when he and Erwin were in a relationship – and also, Erwin gave his mother strict instructions to not enter the other’s bedroom, knowing how much it would anger him. So she respected that, and just got his mother’s items.

The flat was exactly as the two men left it earlier that day, when they got home from camping and heard about Kuchel’s collapse. It was obvious that they had barely even relaxed into the flat much: camping equipment, muddy boots, piles of clothes and wet towels surrounding the main living area. A half empty cup of tea on the side which was clap cold. Mrs Smith knew that Kuchel couldn’t be coming home to a mess like this, and decided to give the whole place a clean and a tidy before heading back home. Mr Smith was there to cater, anyway.

She vacuumed the carpet where mud had strayed from the entrance, and opened the door bashing the dry dirt from boots and bags. Shoes that were worn in the woods were washed, leaving them to try on a mat by the door. Levi’s camping bag was emptied, Mrs Smith choosing to politely ignore the fact that he had some ‘ruder’ things in there – confused as to who he’d be using them with since he and Erwin were no longer together. But she took the clothes and threw them straight into the washing machine, putting it on a wash, before getting on with the rest of the flat.

The last room to clean was the bathroom, mainly because she assumed it would still be tidy as the boys didn’t have much time from getting home and going to the hospital. However, Mrs Smith was met by a fully run bath with a few of Erwin’s toiletries dotted along the side with Levi’s. She quirked her eyebrow up before smirking, gathering that the two must have been up to something together. Mrs Smith was glad: especially now. The two needed each other more than they’d care to admit.

The bath water and released and the tub scrubbed, just as the washer finished. Fresh clothes were hung out on a rack, before finally Mrs Smith could get round to packing Kuchel’s pyjamas, her glasses, some everyday wear, and her toiletries. The electric was turned off, and Mrs Smith locked the flat securely before going straight to the car to go back home.

Erwin’s house was used as a sanctuary from the hospital: the three got in, greeted by Mr Smith, and a film was put on in the living room. After much persuasion, Mrs Ackerman agreed to put on one of her favourite comedies, chuckling away the whole way through it. Eventually the film got a bit tedious, so Erwin began to chat to Kuchel about what she’d been up to recently, and in retaliation, she discussed university with Erwin and how he was finding it. They conversation flowed like normal: not like they’d just found out some horrific news. It was obvious Kuchel was trying to distract herself from the truth, and if that was her way of coping, then so be it.

But Levi couldn’t do that. He couldn’t talk away like nothing was wrong – he knew that something very bad was wrong, his mother could die or be taken away again, and that was niggling on his mind the entire time. The other three in the room tried to bring him back into conversation, but he just couldn’t join in, and ignored everyone looking at the screen and nowhere else.

The families hoped that he would find himself throughout dinner, when Mrs Smith arrived home. She cooked Kuchel’s favourite curry, displaying it neatly on the table with naan bread and some non-alcoholic wine bought from the store on her way home from the Ackerman’s flat, but Levi didn’t even say thanks. He just sat there, pushing rice about on the plate – a very familiar sight for Kuchel, from when he got home from Kenny’s house and refused to talk.

“Levi, please show some manners and eat your tea.” Kuchel demanded, brows furrowing just like her sons so often did.

“Hm.” He grunted, stabbing a piece of vegetable and biting it aggressively. He couldn’t not do what Kuchel wanted, not now. But he didn’t want to eat, he wanted to curl up and hide from everything – it was all weighing him down so much, he couldn’t cope well with this sort of news. He wanted to rewind to last night, when nothing was wrong and everyone was happy. But that was impossible.

After dinner, Kuchel helped Mrs Smith clear the table despite refusal. Levi followed her round like a duckling, not helping, but just staying at her side: constantly getting in the way, almost tripping his mother over at points. She kept telling him to go and sit with Erwin and his father in the living room, but he refused. _I can’t let her out of my sight, what if something happens whilst I’m not here?_

Finally, when the time got late and everyone needed to get sleep, Levi agreed to go separate ways with his mother, as long as she promised to go straight to him if anything was wrong. Mr Smith offered to set the sofa bed up in Erwin’s room for Levi, but Mrs Smith told him to leave it for now – she knew they were doing something in secret, whether it was dating or just having fun, she didn’t know. However, like she thought earlier, they needed each other now so it was best to leave the boys to figure things out on their own.

The two bodies hit the soft mattress, the feel so homely and comforting for Levi. It was the most relaxed he’d felt all day, and even more so when Erwin snuggled up behind him wrapping them big, firm arms over his small body. He nuzzled backwards into the blonde, his own way of thanking him for that day. Erwin just kissed the back of his head softly, his eyes closing and his mind drifting off into sleep.

Except that was, that Levi couldn’t drift off into sleep. He felt so at home: his emotions didn’t need that protective barrier anymore that he put on in public, and he let everything consume him. Firstly, he let a few small and silent tears slip down his cheeks at the thought of Kuchel being so ill, but then the darkness of the room started giving him flashbacks: flashbacks to a time he did not want to remember.

 _If your mum doesn’t get better, you need to look after yourself. You know, on the streets. I’ll teach you how to hold a knife_. _Good, that’s it. Then you need to stab ‘em, or slice ‘em, whichever you find easier. Then grab their shit and run, but make sure it’s tidy so someone don’t come looking for you. Farlan knows how to do this shit, just teach Izzie as you go along._

_Kuchel ain’t coming home, Levi. She’s ill. She’s not gonna come back and look after you, you’re stood with me forever. So you need to live under my rules: you can’t do what I ask? You don’t eat. Fair?_

Levi squeezed his eyes shut, trying to rid Kenny from his mind, but the tall man refused to leave. His image became so much more prominent when his eyes squeezed tightly shut, the flames and the smoke surrounding him as the house burnt down. He heard their screaming again then: but not just his friends, but the screaming of the people who Kenny had made him hurt. The screaming of the people he’d stolen from, the people he was forced to beat.

Quickly, thin legs were thrown out of bed as Levi dashed as quickly as he could to the room Kuchel was safely in. He was panting hard, sweat beading his forehead. Nightmares that were there when he was wide awake hadn’t been prominent for so long now, so many years. It was clearly because of the heightened emotions that he couldn’t fight them back and keep them away.

Kuchel’s bedroom came into view moments later, a light hung from the underneath of the door frame. _She’s still awake, thank god_. Without caring about the noise, Levi slammed her bedroom door open, panting slightly. He stepped inside, causing the lady to look up from the book she was reading with a startled face.

 “Levi?” She questioned, as the door slammed shut behind the small man. She immediately drew attention to his pale face, his sweat on his brow, the wheezing in his breath. Dread filled her chest, “Levi, is everything okay?”

No further words were needed, Levi dashed over to Kuchel and threw himself into her lap the way he did when he was small. His breathing uneven as Kuchel gently pushed dark locks from his forehead, soothingly stroking him afterwards. “Mum he’s here again.”

“What’s that, Levi?” She asked, worry in her voice.

“He’s here when my eyes are open. It’s not been like that since I was a kid, but he’s here.” The only thing that cut Levi off from continuing was the panic that was consuming him. He sat up in shock, trying to even his breathing, trying to take in gasps of air. But of course, he couldn’t – his body wasn’t allowing him to do so, no matter how much he thought. Levi curled his body tightly into a ball, knees as close to his chest as he did so. And Kuchel, knowing what to do, counted him through the entire attack.

It was a harsh, long one. One that lasted so long even Kuchel grew worried at the sight, but eventually her son came back around in a bundle of tears and worried words. But she did her motherly love, cuddling him and kissing his head the way she did when he was small. He didn’t care how old he was: it was clear that all he needed in that moment was his mum, and she was of course going to be there for him.

Without any more words, Levi helped himself under the quilt beside Kuchel. Her frame just there would provide comfort for him, he knew that she’d be okay if he was there beside her. She’d make Kenny go away, too. The only reason he was taken to Kenny’s was because Kuchel wasn’t there to stop it, but now she was, and nothing was going to get him. Lights were switched off and the room fell into a peaceful silence, both Ackerman’s managing to shut their eyes softly and let their minds drift to something that wasn’t to do with what they’d found out that day.

Kenny didn’t come back to Levi that night. After the original panic was released, his mind dreamt about the loving memories he’d had with Kuchel throughout their years. Their Christmas’s, trips to the cinema, days out shopping, picnics in the park. Everything fond: everything highlighting how much he needed Kuchel to be there.

_Please, please let mum be okay. Please make her pull through._


	33. A Step Forward

Once the primary doctors’ appointments were done and dusted, Kuchel got started on therapy almost immediately. She opted to have it at hospital, once a week – there was the option to have it at home, but she didn’t want Levi to see what was going on and upset him even more than he already was. Mrs Smith took that day off work every week to attend the hospital with her friend, so she had someone to sit with whilst fluids entered her body. The side effects were evident: her hair loss prominent, her figure becoming fainter. However, she was on the mend and that's all anyone cared about.

Erwin had practically moved into Levi’s house after Kuchel left the hospital after collapsing. It was often that his mother was out, which left Levi alone with nothing but his own thoughts. So Erwin came round, distracted him. They played video games, cooked together, watched films. They shared romantic moments: sex, kissing, joint baths, massages – but they still wasn’t dating, obviously. Erwin was exactly what Levi needed, and he couldn't help but think about how grateful he was that they were in the place they were at now. If he and Erwin remained how they were before New Year, the raven haired man wasn't sure he'd be able to cope through everything that was going on.

Levi asked Erwin to tell their friendship group what was going on, so it was put in a group chat online. Levi didn’t want to have to tell them all; he hardly admitted to himself that his mother was ill never mind a group of other people. Plus, he didn’t want to have to deal with their sympathetic replies, mainly because he didn’t deal well with things like that, and also he wasn’t sure how he’d handle it. And of course, Erwin was going to do whatever possible to support him and dealt with their kind replies on behalf.

As soon as people were told, however, everyone made the effort to come round to see Levi and bring them things to help out. Hange and Moblit came the day they were told, since they were still in town. They brought flowers and chocolates for Kuchel, and put a package together for Levi of things to use to look after himself. He’d never admit it, but that helped him more than they’d imagine. Many a night he and Erwin sat up together in bed reading through the ‘Calm’ book Hange bought which helped Levi with his anxiety so much. The chocolate and tea in the basket was drank and eaten immediately (mainly by the blonde man, but Levi promised to not tell anyone that).

Petra, Oluo, Gunther, and Eld all came round at the same time: the ones who lived out of town had driven back specially to see their best friend. Petra threw her arms around Levi the second they stepped into the flat, then ran and did the same to Kuchel who was sat on the sofa knitting. The other three boys tentatively walked in, not really knowing how to react since they’d not known the Ackerman’s as long as the others. But they gave Kuchel get well soon cards, brought her more flowers, and a few films and books to keep her occupied. She thanked them all, and sat them down whilst Erwin and Levi made some cuppa’s and began to just chat aimlessly about the summer. Kuchel kept looking lovingly towards her son throughout the whole affair, grateful that his friends were so kind and supportive.

A few days later Mike and Nanaba called round – they couldn’t immediately as they were away with Nan’s parents, but they were incredibly apologetic about that (despite the numerous times Kuchel informed them not to worry). Mrs Smith was round cooking dinner that day, and so it turned out that the extra two guests stayed since it had been so long that Mike had seen the parents. It was amazing to spend so much time with friends, and to see their support for the Ackerman family. Nanaba had even baked a cake for Kuchel, and given more flowers and cards to add to the collection. When they were leaving later that night, the poorly lady gave them both a massive cuddle and thanked them for being such good friends to Levi, of which they responded that they were more than happy to have the little grumpy man in their life. They could almost feel Levi's embarrassed scowl from his bedroom as they left.

Once the visits were done and everyone became aware and accepting of the disease, Levi slowly found himself feeling more positive about things than before. Mrs Smith told him all the details of the hospital trips when she’d get home and Kuchel headed to bed, and from what was told, it appeared that the tumour was shrinking in size relatively quickly and she’d hopefully be better before no time. Slowly and thankfully, he found himself needing to cling to his mother less when he’d get home and managed to go out and get back to work, the panic attacks subsiding and his consciousness becoming more clear.

But the one thing that wasn't disappearing with time was the thoughts of Kenny: the nightmares of being taken away, the worry that he'd have to do the horrendous things taught as a child, the panic that he'd see his best friends die again. The only way he'd ever get over it was to confront the man, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. For days on end the thought of Kenny plagued his dreams, both day and night. He couldn't seem to budge the man; an air of guilt surrounding the name in his mind.

“Dinners ready, everyone.” Mrs Smith called from the kitchen, of which the three remained in the flat headed over to the dining room table where a delicious spread lay.

“This smells and looks delicious, thank you mother.” Erwin smiled at her, sitting down beside Levi who too was eyeing up the food. Mrs Smith’s home cooked meals was becoming a frequent treat for the Ackerman family since the illness was found, and Levi was grateful to be able to eat it all the time after being deprived of it for so long. As yummy as Kuchel's cooking was, Levi always had a place in his heart for Smith family meals associating them as a treat since he was eight and first came for tea.

“Yes, thank you yet again for cooking us all tea. I’m incredibly grateful.” Kuchel smiled, her face tired.

Mrs Smith smiled back kindly: the sympathetic smile that they all knew so well by now. “You don’t need to thank me, honestly. Just eat up everyone!”

And so they did, chatting happily and munching away at the food on their plates for over an hour, just enjoying one another’s company. Erwin kept rubbing his hand lovingly upon Levi’s thighs, giving them a gentle squeeze for support every now and then - he kept it hidden so their parents wouldn't notice, though. The smaller man would turn his gaze to him at that point and smile back, only slightly. They were slowly beginning to feel more like a couple again, and he was loving it. But of course, they weren’t dating – and Levi didn’t want to jeopardize what was happening between the two of them, and so never commented on it. He just accepted the loving touches.

The conversation was flowing nicely; something about a family holiday the Smith's were planning for after Erwin's graduation. But Levi was focused on it, pushing food about his plate with a fork. All he could think about was Kenny - _what would Kenny be doing at that point? Would Kenny know about Kuchel?_ He sighed heavily, bracing himself to ask the question he knew they'd have to face some point soon.

“Mum.” Levi began, causing everyone to turn their gaze towards him. Mainly because he didn’t input much to the conversation all night, mainly because he said the word so loudly in the middle of their chat, but he couldn’t hear himself above the loud thoughts floating round his frantic mind.

“Yes?” Kuchel replied, worry in her tone.

“Does Kenny know?”

Kuchel frowned. She didn't understand why Kenny should know about Erwin's family's plans. “Does Kenny know what, Levi?”

He furrowed his brows, “That you’re ill, mum. Does Kenny know?”

She lowered her drink onto the table: everyone had pretty much finished eating: Levi's plate was the only one with food still on, and so in politeness they were sat at the table still just sipping on their juices waiting for everyone to finish before dessert. She sighed loudly, rubbing her fingers over her forehead. It was obvious she hadn’t really given much thought to Kenny recently, but who could blame her? They didn’t exactly get on to say they were brother and sister, especially after what had happened in the past. But even Levi, who hated his guts so much, knew that the man in prison needed to be aware of what was going on.

“Levi, I haven’t really given much thought to Kenny recently, funnily enough.”

Mrs Smith looked quizzically at her son as if he’d provide information as to why it’s so important that Kenny should know, but Erwin was looking right at Levi. He was fully aware that the man hated Kenny, he was fully aware that he’d never mention his name unless he felt it was needed. Mrs Smith was aware about the man herself too, however not to the extent that Erwin knew about him. She didn't know about the abuse, about the fighting with weapons, about the nightmares that kept Levi up.

“I'm sorry to interrupt, but why is it so important to tell Kenny about this? Isn’t he in prison now?”

Levi drew his look to Mrs Smith. “Kenny is our last family alive, and whilst he’s a dick, he has the right to know if his sisters poorly. If he was ill, I’d wanna know. That’s all.”

“Levi, I’m not sure I want to go and see him, not like this. He’s protective of me, you know that. You know he’ll kick off and he’ll get in trouble with the prison if he sees me. I’ve literally not seen him in over ten years. He's probably already annoyed that we don't write back or see him, I'm sure myself turning up will make matters worse. I know he's our last family, and I get he has the right to know. But not now, only when I'm feeling more myself I will go.”

Sensing the uncomfortable air of the room, Erwin tried his best to chip into the conversation and help. “Doesn’t Kenny write out from prison, can’t you write in too? I’ve seen the cards he’s written to Levi before. Could you do that?” But he knew deep down that you can’t tell someone news like this through the post, it has to be said face to face.

“I can’t do that to him, but thanks for the thought Erwin.” Kuchel sighed deeply, “I guess I'll just have to go and tell him myself.”

"Kuchel darling, you can't push yourself to do that. You're far too ill and if he shouts or reacts-" Mrs Smith began, but Levi interrupt before she could get further.

“I’ll go.” Levi looked down, eyes heavy. He didn’t _want_ to go, he never wanted to see that man’s face again. But all he could think was how it might help end his bad dreams. It might help remove his guilt, and least he'd be helping his mum out by doing that. If he couldn't go the hospital with her, least he could pass messages on on her behalf. Just as long as Kenny didn't mention his crime, he'd cope.

“Levi, after everything he’s put you through I’m not going to send you off to prison to visit him on my behalf.”

“Mum you’re not fucking well enough! He’ll make you worse, he’ll upset you again like always. I’ll just go. I’ll go see him tomorrow and let him know and then he knows and if he finds out through someone else, he won’t kick off.”

Kuchel looked at her son with worried eyes, as did Erwin. They’d both been at the end of his recent nightmares where he woke up screaming, they’d both seen him crumble because of what happened in the past. Levi didn’t like Kenny, and more importantly probably couldn’t handle seeing him again as well as he was liking it to look.

“Erwin, I hate to ask this of you-“

“Of course I’ll go with Levi, Miss Ackerman. I’ll make sure everything is okay.” Erwin put a hand over Levi’s on the table and gave it a squeeze, the two mothers looking on at them both and nodding in agreeance to the situation, despite how unhappy everyone was with it.

“Thank you, Levi.” Kuchel practically whispered, and he just nodded again and stood up from the table, walking straight to his bedroom and shutting the door behind him softly. He needed to plan this meeting properly, needed to find the best way to handle himself when seeing the man who murdered his best friends for the first time since the incident. When he brought up Kenny at dinner, he never thought it would be him having to visit the man. He wasn’t sure where the conversation was going to go, but he didn’t expect that.

“Should I go after him?” Erwin stood up immediately as Levi entered his room, unsure whether following him in would be pushing their boundaries since they weren’t in a relationship anymore. Although, he assumed, he’d have done the same when they were just friends before. He needed to check whether to follow the man or not, knowing that sometimes he needed the time to himself to think things through - especially at the moment, more than ever.

“I’d leave him for now, Erwin. He’ll want to plan this out properly.” Kuchel smiled weakly at the blonde man, who nodded and proceeded to clear the table, bringing pots into the kitchen to give them a wash. His mother helped, whilst Kuchel was feeling extremely weak and tired from the therapy she was having and so went for a lay down in the living room. Her head was pounding with the thought of what Levi was going to go through tomorrow, making her weary.

By the time the Smith family had cleaned up everything, Kuchel was sound asleep on the sofa. Smiling softly at her friend, Mrs Smith tucked her under a thick woolly blanket to keep her warm – the exact same one that Kuchel would so often wrap Levi in when he was having a rough day. The mother said goodnight to her son, who was staying over again, and left the house quietly so as not to disturb the sleeping lady.

As soon as the guest left, Erwin helped himself to a shower in their bathroom, before getting ready as thoroughly as he could for bed. He wanted to give Levi as much time as he might need before going to the room they’d be sharing, and after at least forty minutes spent faffing in the bathroom, he decided now was the best time to go to his best friend. Especially since the visiting hours at the prison were extremely early, and it was already almost midnight.

He tapped on the door a few times, “Levi?” but there was no answer. Erwin lowered the handle and slid the door open slowly, not wanting to wake the younger man if he was sleeping. But he wasn’t sleeping. He had a box open; a box that Erwin recognised from Boxing Day a few years ago. It contained the few things he had left of Farlan and Isabels – the few things that he managed to keep since the fire.

Silently, Erwin lowered his large body onto the bed to look over Levi’s shoulder. The raven haired man was sat on the floor, staring off into space. It was almost like he wasn’t in the room; focusing on something so far out. Erwin worriedly looked over, unsure whether or not to touch the smaller man or whether it would make him twitch or jump, so he opted to whisper his name a few times quietly.

To Erwin’s surprise, Levi answered – eyes locking with his immediately, worry drowning them. He gulped loudly.

“Erwin, I don’t know what I’ll say to him.” He finally announced, filling the uncomfortable silence of the room. Erwin just nodded understandingly. “I’ve not seen him since I was taken away again. I can’t kick off but I know I’ll want to. I don’t know.”

Levi sighed loudly, running his hands through his hair and curling his knees up so he was sat in a ball. Erwin rested one of his firm hands on Levi’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Levi, I’ll be there with you the entire time. If you need me to intercept, or say or do anything, I will. You know that I’m always here for you, and that I promise.”

Levi nodded, shifting his head so it rested on Erwin’s hand. Erwin shifted his body onto the floor and wrapped Levi in his arms, giving him a squeeze. He could only imagine how hard it would be to face the person that single headedly helped in ruining your life, especially at a time where you were emotionally vulnerable. But he knew that Levi was incredibly strong and brave; if anyone could maintain a calm persona around someone they hated with all their guts, it was going to be him.

*****

“Okay, Levi. Are you ready to get off?” Erwin asked, as his best friend grabbed his house keys and wallet. He nodded, following the blonde man from his bedroom and into the living room. Kuchel was preparing them some breakfast for the road, a flask of Levi’s favourite tea and some fruit in a pot. She smiled at them as they both entered the room.

“Thank you again you two, for doing this for me. I just don’t think I could face it all right now.”

“That’s okay, Miss Ackerman. Of course we’d both do something like this for you. You need to look after yourself, have a day of rest today.” Erwin came over and grabbed his pot of food, thanking her as he did so. Kuchel walked around the counter and straight up to her son, putting her hands on his shoulders and looking at him right in the eye.

“Levi. If he reacts angrily when he sees you, shout a guard. If he does anything that makes you uncomfortable such as mentioning their names, leave. You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to: even if you get there and can’t face it, leave. I mean it. I don’t want you going through with this if you’re not ready.”

“I’ll be fine, mum. He won’t dare say anything to me. He knows what I can do.” Levi frowned, trying to black out the thoughts from the past fights Kenny had put him through, and Kuchel placed a soft kiss on his cheek.

“Make sure you eat your food before you go. Ring me as soon as you get out, and drive safely.”

And with that, the two boys left the flat on their journey to the prison. Since the crime was so serious, Kenny was sent to a high security station outside the town in the middle of nowhere, at least an hour drive from Levi’s house. So the two kept themselves preoccupied, chatting about their friends, the plans for the rest of the summer. Erwin asked Levi politely how work was going, despite seeing him every day after shifts, but he just answered and told him about all the new books that were been released. The blonde man watched both the road and Levi intently as he drove, heart swelling with love. He was so head over heels still: one more summer not together, that’s all they had left. One full summer. After that it was graduation, and they could finally be together.

Before they knew it, the car was parked in the prison visitors lot and they were climbing out, leaving anything in the car that they probably couldn’t bring into the room. Erwin took Levi’s hand in his and gave it a very large and supportive squeeze, so the smaller man gave a gentle squeeze back before letting go and walking up to the doors. They were ten minutes early: ten minutes to breathe, relax, get into the zone.

As they approached the desk to sign in, Erwin spoke on behalf of Levi and signed them both in. “We’re here to see Kenny Ackerman, its Levi Ackerman and Erwin Smith.”

“And what relation are you to the prisoner?” The guard at the desk looked up with a confused expression; Kenny never had visitors, Levi assumed.

“Levi is his nephew, and I’m Levi’s friend.” Erwin had a subtle pause before announcing that they were just friends, before he said the word. The guard just nodded and wrote their names down for them, before asking them to empty their pockets to be scanned through the metal detector.

“It’s unusual for Kenny to have any visitors other than Uri.” She commented, putting their belongings through a scanner and asking them to walk through the large airport-like one. Neither beeped, and they collected items from the box again. Levi slid his glasses back onto his face; he rarely wore his contacts recently, his eyes felt too tired and heavy.

“Uri?” Levi questioned the guard, furrowing his brows.

“Yeah, a very fragile looking man that comes in often. He claims to be his friend whenever signing in, but the entire time Kenny has been under our care, he’s never had anyone else come. We were under the assumption that he didn't have any family left.”

Levi just nodded, and she let them through to the room they’d be seeing Kenny in. It was just like the movies: a glass screen separating prisoner from the visitors, a phone between them to talk between. The guard pulled an extra chair up for Erwin, as they both sat opposite waiting anxiously for him to walk through.

And moment later: he did. He was exactly as Levi remembered; tall, slim, messy and scraggly hair he so often tied in a ponytail on the back of his head. The only things that changed were his face which looked more worn and old now, and his clothes – not his usual large coat and wide brimmed hat Levi was so used to seeing him in. The smaller man looked on, trying not to show any expression as Kenny was led to the seat. The two locked eyes, barely looking away from one another.

Erwin didn’t realise but he’d held his breath. Kenny was intimidating, even for him who was now way over six foot and quite well built. The man before him was weedy but had an air of danger about him. His face and arms were covered in scars which Erwin could only assume from fighting, his expression held a permanent smirk. If he’d have been sent to Kenny when he was only six years old, Erwin knew for a fact he’d have been terrified. Without even noticing, Erwin’s hand had snaked onto Levi’s and held it with a tight squeeze. Thankfully, all Kenny could see was their heads and neck; the table high.

Kenny picked up the phone, and Levi followed suit, holding it slightly away from his ear – he didn’t know who else had pressed it to their skin before, and so didn’t fancy pushing a strange piece of plastic that was probably filthy against his face. The thought of germs crowding him would make him so uncomfortable, especially now more than ever.

Kenny coughed, then began.

“Well, well, well. Who do we have here? I barely even recognise you, kid. Been so damn fucking long.”

“Well you look the same.” Levi’s voice remained monotone, barely showing any expression.

“Hahaha.” Kenny bellowed loudly, “Can’t do much about my appearance in here now can I kid? Don’t exactly let me go out and look after myself. Now, what do I owe this pleasure? We here for a good ol’ catch up, kid?”

Levi frowned deeply, his face almost scowling. “No I’m not here for a fucking catch up, scum.” He growled, he didn’t want to bring up the past with Kenny now, and tried to keep his emotions as in tact as he could.

“Hahaha. Soundin’ like your uncle Kenny there aren’t you? How’ve you been? You don’t reply to my cards! Got yourself off busy with a lady or something, kid?”

“I’m at college, so I’m busy. No, not a lady. I’m not here to talk about that anyway.”

“College, eh? Who’d of thought an Ackerman would ever be that smart? Only you, Levi. Hahaha.” His laugh was harrowing, shot right through their bodies. It made Levi flinch and shudder – Erwin could only imagine how hard this was right now for him, especially after all the stories Levi had told Erwin about Kenny. “Not a lady either, eh? You’ll get one soon I’m sure, kid. Although you’re still on the shorter side, aren’t ya? Hahaha. Who’s this blondie with you?”

The crooked man pointed a finger up at Erwin, who also frowned when he did so. The manner was so rude, his language and tongue so vile. Erwin hated this man so much and he barely knew him. Levi looked up at Erwin, gave his hand a stroke as a form of apology, before continuing to speak.

“Erwin, my boyfriend.” Levi's voice sounded smug. Kenny genuinely looked taken aback for a moment, before smirking again and leaning forward in his seat as though to get a closer inspection of Erwin. Once happy with his gaze, he leaned back into the seat and stared right on at his nephew, eyes glinting slightly.

At that Kenny snorted out laughter, falling forward as he did so. Everyone looked around at him in confusion; it really wasn’t funny, at all. Erwin was very taken aback to have been introduced as that, but Levi glanced at him quickly and mouthed ‘sorry’. It was obvious he’d only done so to make Kenny stop questioning about girls, so Erwin just brushed it past him and smiled at Levi softly in support.

“Boyfriend? I shoulda known, you and Farlan used to –“

“Shut the fuck up Kenny, I’m not here to make small talk. And don’t you fucking dare mention their names.” Levi raised his voice, hissing the words out. Erwin had never seen him so wound up, so infuriated. He thought when Levi and Nile interacted it was bad, but he’d never seen it like this before.

Kenny held his hands up in a mock apology, smiling as he did so. “What you wanna discuss then, kid?”

“Mum’s got fucking cancer, Kenny. We thought you should know.”

With that the man’s smile dropped from his face, and sadness filled his eyes. Levi knew it would upset him, which is why Kuchel didn’t come. Kenny was known for going on a rampage when he was upset, despite how he portrayed himself, he was a massive family man and this sort of thing would certainly trigger a response like that.

“Shit, Kuchel’s ill? Shit.” Was all that left his mouth in barely a whisper; from what the two men were seeing, it was unlikely the man before them would kick off. He looked down at his hand that wasn’t holding the phone, playing with the hem of his prison top. A small droplet of water slipped from his face and landed on it, but Levi held no sympathy. He just glared on.

“Will, she… will she be alright? She’s gonna live, right kid?” Kenny asked, finally looking back up to Levi, eyes flooded with tears.

“She’s getting therapy.”

“Crap, I can’t believe it. What is it? Like, the cancer?”

“Liver.”

“Shit, she’s so strong though, our Kuchel. She’s always been a fighter, right? Even when she was a kid, when we both got ill, she’d get better faster cos she fought it off, right? So she’ll be right, kid. She’s tough. But holy crap, still.” His voice distanced at the end of the sentence, forming a sigh instead. Levi kept his emotions firm, showing none of the sadness he was currently feeling. Erwin just kept staring at the man before them both.

“Yeah. We’re off now, though. If anything happens I’ll come, but if not then assume she’s well.” Levi stood up, still keeping the phone off the line and waiting for Kenny’s response for them both to leave. Erwin too had stood up, tucking his chair under the desk and standing protectively behind Levi, ready to take him from the room. The guards had also noticed the interaction and were slowly coming to stand behind Kenny.

“Levi, thanks. Thanks for telling me. And for what it’s worth, for everything, I’m sorry, kid.”

Levi nodded at him, putting the phone back on the hook and walking out. He didn’t look back once as Kenny waved him away; he didn’t look back to make sure Erwin was following him. He didn’t speak as he signed out, he didn’t look as he walked to the car and let himself into the front seat. Barely responded when Erwin climbed in seconds later beside him, setting the ignition to go.

It was only ten minutes into the drive that he finally looked. His glassed eyes looking at Erwin, his body curled up in the seat, knees pressed firmly into his chest. Worry wavered on his brows, his body became limp. Erwin knew what was going on; the car pulled into the hard shoulder quickly and seat belts were undone. The blonde man soothed Levi, helped him come back round. He was used to this now; but this one was the worst so far since the illness came about. All the suppressed emotions that Levi had held in for all these years were leaking out – the memories of Kenny and the thoughts of how he’d react when they met again taking over Levi’s small body.

It lasted a long time. At least forty minutes, but Levi let Erwin hold him through it. He stroked his hair from his sweating head, kissed it softly. Rocked him gently in his arms, brought him back round to himself. Breathing became steady and stable again, Levi’s body becoming lighter and movement more smooth. After pulling up for at least an hour, Erwin asked Levi if it was okay to set off again. And the raven haired man nodded.

He picked up his phone and began to dial Kuchel. He needed to hear her now; hear that she was alive and well. Hear that he definitely wouldn’t be going back into Kenny’s care any time soon. The man terrified him, and he wanted his mum.

_But at least I fucking faced him._

*****

When the men got back home, Kuchel and Mrs Smith were waiting nervously for them in the living room, tea on tap in the centre of the table in a small pot and cups ready there. They both looked so exhausted when they entered the room, despite it barely even being lunch time yet. As soon as the smaller of the two got inside, firm arms were wrapped around him. He didn't need to look to know who it was, and just wrapped his arms back round and clung on tightly.

“Oh, Levi. I’m so proud that you spoke to him.” Kuchel said into his hair, and Levi just nodded back. He’d told her the full conversation on the phone on the way home, since he didn’t particularly want to talk about it again in person face to face. Kuchel understood, and didn’t say anything else about the man other than that. However, she kept checking that Erwin was okay, partly because he was being very quiet and appeared to be a bit shaken up over the whole thing. But Erwin didn't say anything on the matter either. Ten minutes of intimidation was nothing compared to what Levi had been through, and he felt silly for being so scared of the man. So he brushed it aside and slowly the nerves surrounding Kenny dissipated and he just focused on how proud he was of Levi, for speaking to the man that haunted him. 

“Hey, Erwin.” Levi said, looking at the man beside him on the sofa. The blonde looked round and smiled at the other.

“Yes, Levi?”

“Sorry I called you my boyfriend.” He said, a smirk in his voice as he did so. It was very obvious that he wanted to call him his boyfriend, and that it made him happy to do so. But nonetheless, he was embarrassed it had come down to that without a discussion beforehand.

“You introduced Erwin as your boyfriend?” Kuchel questioned, eyebrow raised. Mrs Smith looked at the other lady with an eyebrow raised as well. They both knew and had discussed that they knew their sons were doing _things_ despite not being in a relationship, but didn’t realise they had developed it to that stage. Secret conversations about their children confirmed that they both wanted them to be back together more than anything, but weren't going to say anything about that unless a time came up where it was appropriate.

“We’re not together again yet,” Levi began, “But Kenny wouldn’t shut it about asking if I had a girl yet and I just thought that was the best way to do it. It’s not exactly like I lied, is it?” Levi looked hopefully at Erwin.

Erwin smiled a bit, “I suppose not. I’d probably say you’re my boyfriend, anyway.” He paused, then realised what he said correcting himself in a panic, “Of course, if we were in the same situation.”

Levi smiled, a laugh behind his reply. “Of course.”

Kuchel and Mrs Smith looked on fondly at the two boys. It was frustrating, seeing how in love they both were. And honestly, Kuchel knew that Levi needed Erwin to be his at this moment in life. No one knew what the outcome of her illness was going to be yet no matter how promising it was appearing, and she just wanted someone to definitely be there for Levi if she was to go. Everything was looking strong and sturdy at the moment, but of course, with things like this nothing would ever be certain. Sighing, she spoke to the room.

“Erwin, your mother and I have been talking about yourself and Levi for a while now. This goes for you too, son. We know you’ve seen each other more than you let on since New Year. We know that you two are, you know. Like, you know don’t make me say it.” Mrs Smith chuckled at Kuchel. Levi cringed, he didn't like where this was going. There was nothing worse than parents trying to butt in and understand their child's love life, especially in front of the love item and their mother.

“What we’re both trying to say it, why don’t you two just start dating again now? Erwin, you already told your father and I you’d be home every weekend this next year, so why not just make them weekends for seeing Levi since that was obviously your reasoning behind that anyway. No way was it for you to see your old folks.”

"But of course, no way are we as parents suggesting this. But obviously, both of you have confided in us. I know how you both feel, and it's evident how much more content you two are when together. Like, Erwin, today Levi could not have coped without you. And Erwin, you'd have struggled so much at University without Levi to message and chat to through the last few months."

Mrs Smith interrupted, "We do not intend to make you both feel awkward, we just want what's best for our children." Both mums smiled on with a hopeful grin, eyes sparkling slightly. Levi had shrunk in on himself: he knew what they were saying was one hundred per cent correct, he knew that they'd both just want best for their kids. But he didn't want to push this yet, not without Erwin leading. He loved the blonde man with his entire heart, and the last thing he'd want to do was push him away again.

Erwin was more embarrassed about the whole conversation than shocked. He thought he and Levi had been quiet, subtle and shy about their recent doings. He thought his friends might had caught on, such as Mike, but definitely not their parents. He could tell they were right, he wanted to be back with Levi more than anything. And now the added pressure of University was eased over since they were used to the distance now, he assumed they'd be able to pull through.

It was Erwin who chose to speak first, “I guess we could try it again, Levi? Obviously, only if you’re comfortable with it. I do feel as though I have messed you about a bit with this entire situation.”

“No, Erwin. Don’t apologise, I said I’d wait for you and here I still am.” His eyes locked with Erwin’s as they spoke; they ignored the fact that other people were in the room with them.

The blonde man coughed, clearing his throat trying to hide his excitement of the blossoming conversation. “Well? Um, Levi? Shall we give this a go then?”

“Yeah. Yeah, if you’re home every weekend then we’ll be absolutely fine. I definitely want to be with you again.”

Erwin’s smile lit up his face, grinning like an excited puppy. Both the ladies pulled a face to one another, then proceeded to stand up.

“Well, us two are going to go shopping on that bombshell. You two relax after your stressful morning. We’re going to buy Chinese take out for dinner this evening, so don’t worry about cooking anything. Just enjoy yourselves.”

"Oh, uh yeah okay." Erwin replied, a stutter in his voice. He completely forgot that they'd have seen that entire conversation and now his cheeks and ears burned a deep shade of red, and Levi couldn't help but smirk at it. He looked up at Kuchel, who was beaming back at him. She mouthed in silence, _Levi I am so proud of you,_ before heading to the door to wrap up in a coat and slip her shoes on. Mrs Smith went with her, getting ready to leave the cosy flat as well.

 

"How long do you two need? A few hours - will that be long enough?" The blonde mother's mum asked, causing Erwin to cringe internally.

"God, mother, please don't say things like that." His moaned, and Levi burst out laughing. For the first time in a very long time, he was properly laughing. Eyes squinted shut, mouth wide open in a smile. It was infectious - Erwin soon forgetting his embarrassment, joining in with a quiet giggle. The mothers laughed slightly, smiling as they shut the door and locked it tight, a wink passed to the men on the sofa as they did so.

And as soon as the flat fell silent, Erwin and Levi joined bodies. They made love, for the first time in a very long time, both completely aware of where they stood. Both admittedly madly infatuated with one another.

That night, Kenny was in Levi's dreams. But not as a monster, but as a vulnerable old man. And Levi, for once, didn't wake from a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being patient with this chapter: I've not really been in a good place recently, and couldn't think of what to write. But a lot more myself now, I finally got it written up! Also I hope you all like the happy switch at the end. It's been a pretty heavy story recently, and thought something uplifting would be quite nice for now!
> 
> Thank you again for your time reading this! <3


	34. Money Problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a warning in advance, I'm super sorry if this chapter is absolutely shit and doesn't flow as well as the others. I'm having a really tough time at the moment and didn't really feel up to writing much, however since I promised one chapter a week I committed to getting it written. Please excuse me ;-;

Summer ended as quickly as it came around: the entire holidays busy for the two men, Levi either working and Erwin visiting family or doing the assigned reading. Any free moments they could find were spent together, or taking care of Kuchel. By the end of the break, everyone seemed quite content about the prospect of going back to studying since the summer was such a difficult one – a difficult one that was not anticipated.

Levi had to volunteer to work more at his little job in the book store. Since Kuchel was far too unwell to put in shifts and their savings were slowly running out, the family were very short for cash. Levi’s wage went towards the bills and the rent and his mother spent whatever she could spare on food and necessities. It meant that Levi hadn’t been able to do much typical fun things over summer unless Erwin paid, however he wasn’t fazed about that as all he truly wanted was to help Kuchel out as much as possible. To be honest, it was nice for them to spend a summer at home every day instead of rushing off to different places; only recently had they learnt how short life could be, and how important it was to spend it with people you loved.

Once the week of college rolled around, Levi didn’t find himself half as upset as he originally thought he would. He and Erwin had already set up a list of dates they were going to see each other again: it was literally every second weekend, from Friday night through to Tuesday morning. His classes weren’t as frequent this term, so more time was made for Levi much to his enjoyment. The thought of his boyfriend going back to a town where Marie was didn’t bother Levi that much either; the girl hadn’t even so much as bothered to text Erwin this holiday, so it was clear she was still pissed at him. Rumour had it Nile was trying to message her and get with her again, but she seemed to be enjoying the single life far too much and kept ignoring him too. Levi couldn't blame her.

The day that Erwin left back for the large city, Hange came home to travel with him and keep him company on the long drive. They agreed to meet at Erwin’s house, so he could have a few more moments with his family before leaving again, and secretly Levi as well. Even if Hange could tell the two boys spent the entire summer together, they didn't say anything or hint about it. Instead, all they could talk about was how amazing their new boyfriend's family were and how lovely his house was. Enthusiastically, Hange told Levi all about what they'd been up to over summer, where Moblit took them out, the food they ate. Levi was not envious that Erwin would have this the entire way to Mitras, and smirked at the thought of it. As much as he loved and appreciated Hange as a friend, after not seeing them for a while, they always came across as extremely full on. Levi could only imagine how reserved Moblit's family would have taken them, and cringed slightly at how loud Hange would appear around more Moblit's. However, he was still extremely happy for his best friend - so happy they finally seemed content.

The serious topic silently lingered over everyone’s shoulders, though Hange avoided asking either Erwin or Levi about Kuchel’s state. It seemed that a lot of people were avoiding the question, mainly because they didn’t want Levi to feel broken again, especially when everyone was about to leave town. But the raven haired man did subtly bring it up, stating that she was doing okay but had a lot more hospital appointments coming up. Hange nodded, and put a reassuring hand on Levi's head, who ducked as quickly as possible to avoid physical touch.

In all honesty, Kuchel wasn’t doing okay. She was finding it harder at the moment; the treatment was making her extremely ill, often spending days in bed or with Mrs Smith by the toilet. It wasn’t taking to her as well as it started – constantly being sick or just in pain. She'd not managed to eat in days, and when in hospital they often made her consume some liquid meals in order to get nutrients back into her system. Kuchel and her doctor agreed that they were going to give the treatment a few more goes, but if it continued to be this harsh on her then they'd have to use a treatment that wasn't as tested as the one on now, and no where near as well known. But the tumour was barely shrinking in size, and Kuchel was more than willing to try anything to remove her illness and be back to her usual self.

But this information was not shared with her son; the last thing Kuchel wanted Levi to do was stop going to his classes to look after her, or skip because he was worried. So the mother’s kept it between themselves and allowed their son’s to settle back into routine, get back at work and complete their courses without an additional worry on their shoulders. She already felt such a large weight on her shoulders at the fact Levi was working so much over summer, and that his money was all going on their house. He was nineteen; he shouldn’t be wasting his wages on things like that. Her heart broke every day on the fact she was relying on him so much, but deep down Kuchel could tell that Levi wouldn't give her anything he wasn't happy to.

A few days after Erwin left, college started for Levi again. As he walked through the familiar doors, a group of his friends who were waiting ran and bombarded him. He couldn't even say hello back as Petra ran up to Levi and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, squeezing him in a very firm hug. With resistance, Levi wrapped his arms gently around her back until the hug ended and she held him at arms length, smiling. The other three men stood around watching the embrace unfold, before nodding and saying hi to Levi in their own way. No one felt as comfortable as Petra to hug him like that, no matter how much they wanted to. (Well, no matter how much Eld wanted to).

“Levi! How are you?” She squealed, finally stepping away from Levi to give him some room. He subtly smiled at her, before maintaining his usual frown.

“Good, nice to finally be back doing something other than work. You? How was summer with Oluo?” Petra and Levi had barely spoken over the break from studying, mainly because their own lives were so busy apart from one another. It was nice to finally chat in person, and actually catch up.

The group began to walk round the College building; no one was in the same class as Levi, but they all started at the same time and so decided to grab a coffee in the College canteen before going off to lessons. Petra and Levi walked in front of everyone, whilst Gunther, Eld and Oluo followed behind having their own private conversation.

"Levi. I just love him so much.” Petra grinned; her face truly lit up. Levi couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen his friend so happy: he thought back to how happy Hange was now with Moblit, and couldn't help but think they were never truly meant for each other. “What did you get up to over summer, Levi? Did you see much of Erwin?”

Immediately his heart raced a beat. No one was allowed to know about the fact they were dating, yet he couldn’t exactly lie and say they hadn’t seen each other all summer when their social media feeds were full of photos together or just memes they’ve tagged one another in. Levi pulled out a chair in the café and sat down, Petra squeezing in beside him as the remaining three men took their seats too.

“Yeah, all the time. He’s been helping me with mum.” Was Levi opted answer; no lies or hidden agendas, just not the whole truth either. Petra sympathetically smiled at him. Apparently Petra didn't think anything of the fact he'd been with Erwin so much, and just wanted to hear about his mum. Levi was grateful for no further questions, but the last thing he wanted to talk about in front of everyone was Kuchel's current state despite the fact that to him it appeared that she was doing well.

“And how is she?” Eld chipped in then, worried expression looking on at his friend. Levi looked down and tapped his fingers on the table; anything to distract him from the reality around him.

“Yeah. Okay, I guess.” He replied.

At that Petra stood up and announced she’d buy everyone’s drinks for them, since they’d barely spoken all summer. People refused, but she was off and in the queue in a matter of seconds. The table fell silent as Oluo began to loudly discuss his summer and what he’d been up to, continuing as his girlfriend sat down at the table with them and everyone drank up their coffee. The conversation about Levi's summer was brushed aside, and he just ignored the chat around him and focused on drinking his latte.

The bell for lessons sounded, so everyone stood from the table after taking a final sip of their drinks. Levi dashed off without saying bye, hearing people shout in the background to meet him once the first day back had finished. But he didn't respond; he just wanted to get back into his old routine and get settled back in class ready to start to new year, and he was more than ready when he stepped into the art room that felt so much like home, and found his seat towards the back near the window. The class began, and Levi let himself soak into the information given, painting in the sketch book in front of him, ignoring the surrounding environment.

After the initial getting back into college period, the following week continued in the same way. Everyone met for coffee in the morning, attended their classes, and occasionally melt up at the end of the day for a walk or a milkshake. Levi didn't attend every time, mainly because he had shifts at work he had to do - getting as many hours in as possible to provide for his mother. He had the weekend after booked off too, since Erwin was coming home. So this week he was working extra to make up for that; the income would be the same if he did that.

The harsh reality of the situation didn't become clear to Levi, however. Not until he came home after a shift late at night and found both Kuchel and Mrs Smith huddled over letters, phones, and calculators scattered all over their dining room table. The lights of the day had dropped, and only one table lamp lit the entire room. He couldn't help but wonder how long the two ladies had been sat in that position; but he assumed a very long time. Especially once he got a proper look at their faces, both of which were riddled with worry. 

“What’s this?” Levi commented upon stepping into the flat and turning the main light on. Both ladies glances looked up and at the small man who was slipping his shoes off. They had snapped out of their trance.

“Just bills, Levi. Nothing for you to worry about. What time is it?” Kuchel offered, a smile on her face. Levi hadn't noticed how weak she'd begun to look until that moment: her frowns on her forehead thick, her arms like twigs, cheeks hollow. She looked so poorly and so anxious, his little heart felt broken in half at the sight. Never had Kuchel looked as though she was suffering so much.

“Clearly something for me to worry about, if you're both looking as morbid as that.” He frowned. "Plus I help pay the bills so I have every right to look."

“Levi you’re young, you should be out having fun with friends not stressing over money.” Kuchel argued back, but Mrs Smith placed a hand over hers, further indicating the fact that all was not well. Levi pulled up a seat at the table beside his mother and pulled a letter from her hand. The electric bill they’d not paid for two months, threatening to cut off their supply. He'd paid that last month, Kuchel said. He gave her fifty pounds to cover the electric.

He put it down, anger in his face. Looking over the rest of the letters, they were all similar things. The water bill not paid for the last month, TV license needing paying again, internet bill, telephone bill. Hundreds of pounds owed were laying in front of him. And all this time, he assumed that everything was okay with his part time job money coming in. He knew Kuchel had savings, he guessed she’d have enough until she got better. Especially since that's all she kept reassuring him with: _"No, Levi. It's absolutely fine, I have plenty of money to keep us going. Your wages cover the rent and most of our bills too, nothing to worry about"_.

“Levi, don’t worry about all this. Honestly, I’m sorting it out.” Miss Ackerman practically whispered out, eyes glassy. Mrs Smith's eyes were firm on the lady, not straying from her face as she spoke to her son. Mrs Smith was fully aware of the money situation, and have offered to help numerous times. But of course, it was refused. However, they really needed to do something about it now - Kuchel was no where near fit enough to work again, and Levi couldn't physically put any more hours in at his part time job. He was either at college or work seven days a week.

“Sort this out? And how are you gonna do that, mum?” He questioned. His voice was harsh and raspy; he was clearly angry.

“I’ll just have to go back to work, only a few days a week. That extra money would allow you to spend some of your own earnings on yourself too.” Her smile was weak and sad; she was so frail.

“Kuchel. I will not allow you to go back to work, honestly.” Mrs Smith snapped, frowning deeply. “Look, I’ll help you both out with extra money until you’re fit and well again. It’s absolutely fine, we have plenty of savings to offer you.”

“I know you’re being kind, and I am truly grateful.” Kuchel began, “But I can’t accept another family’s money. You have two children of your own, your own bills and mortgage. You both earnt that money and I want you to keep it for yourselves –your family has already done enough for us.”

“My children are grown up and don't live at home anymore - heck, my daughter lives on the other side of the World! If we needed it I wouldn’t offer.” Mrs Smith’s voice was softer now, and Levi just looked at his mum with eager eyes. He hated accepting things when he knew ways around it, but now it was clear that they needed this extra help and it was been offered on a plate before them.

“No. I will not take any money from you.” Kuchel snapped. Being Kenny's younger sister, Kuchel was brought up with the mentality that if you took something from someone you'd only ever have to owe them back, even long after it was paid for. There was no way an Ackerman would borrow money. “There’s ways around it. We can downsize, find a cheaper place to rent…”

“Mum, you’re too ill to be moving house now.” Levi chipped in.

Kuchel raised her voice. “Well, we’ll find a way!”

The table fell deadly silent as all eyes drew over the bills. There wasn’t really a long term plan for this; they could take a loan out, but that would eventually have to be paid back. They could borrow money, or ask Kenny, but that would involve some illegal shit or they’d feel guilty. Kuchel wasn’t well enough to work, Levi had to study and graduate; there was no extra days he could work, his free time pretty much taken up with work as it was.

But his brain was ticking away, trying to think of solutions. He ran over all plausible ideas numerous times in his mind until the one he was thinking all along drew to his attention; the best idea that would mean he could provide for his mother and cover all the bills, the one that gave him more free time and hopefully free weekends to spend with his boyfriend. The only downside of the idea was that he'd have to give up something he truly enjoyed, but for Kuchel, anything would be worth it.

He sighed, deeply.

“I’ll quit college.”

All eyes around the table snapped up and glared at the man who the announcement just left. Admittedly, neither of the mother's had thought of that as a solution, mainly because it wasn't a true solution. Levi enjoyed college, he enjoyed painting and drawing, he absolutely loved his new friends whether or not he'd admit it. Leaving such a passion wasn't right, and they knew it. Everyone's brows grew close together as Kuchel just whispered out, "what?"

“I’ll quit and get a full time job. It was enough over summer, right? What am I gonna do with my degree anyway?” He kept his voice firm and monotone.

Kuchel sighed, “Levi sweetie you worked so hard to get onto the course. I can’t allow you to throw it all away.”

“I don’t need it, not like the way Erwin does. I just do it cos I didn’t have another plan, but I can work instead and that would be enough money to put into the flat. Right?” He started to gather the pieces of paper scatted on the table and put them back into a neat pile, as if finalising the decision. Everyone else remained quiet as he removed his body from the table, tucked his chair under the table and straightened his back.

Kuchel stood up then, although it was very slow and fragile. Her movements soft, but she still allowed herself to walk over to her son and wrap him in a hold – an embrace that just a few months ago would have been tight and warm now felt bony and cold, not very reassuring. Nonetheless, it was his mother, and he melted into her hug.

“Are you sure, Levi? You’re old enough to make your own decisions but I don’t want you to do something you’d regret. Have you thought this through?” Her voice was weak, clearly sounding as though she could cry. It was obvious why – no mum wanted their child to have to work to pay for their house, ill or not. Parents wanted the best for their children, and she’d already put him through so much as a child she couldn’t bear to think of the same thing now he was adult.

“Yeah. Its fine, I just go for fun anyway.” He nodded, and looked over at Erwin’s mum who just smiled at him gratefully. They all needed to be there for each other now, and support Kuchel in whatever way they physically could. And so that was Levi’s option. Letting go of his mother, the black haired man turned and headed to his bedroom. He was gutted that that was the only possible option, he was heartbroken he wouldn't be graduating with his best friends, but content that he'd be helping his mother so much. As he shut the bedroom door, he texted Erwin for his opinion. And also because Erwin was the best at cheering him up when he was as down as he was.

The second the text came through, Erwin picked the phone up and rang his boyfriend. He couldn't believe what he read, and needed to hear the entire situation for himself. Everyone knew the pressure Levi was under the last year of school to get the best grades for college, and now he was giving that dream up to find a full time job. Frankly, Erwin was more upset than anything on Levi's behalf. But even so, he listened intently on the phone to Levi explaining his decision, and finally found himself growing to accept it.

*****

Levi decided to stay at college for one more week, mainly to make time pass quickly for Saturday night when Erwin would get home, but also so he had something to do whilst he job hunted. Erwin too looked online daily to try and find something that would suit his boyfriend, sending links over when he should have been working in lectures, emailing applications through. Levi had opted to not tell any of his friends the plan to leave, and was just going to announce it on Friday after college. He didn't even tell his tutors, just the very head of the art building who understood intently and asked him to consider coming back in the future. He didn't tell them why he was leaving, just said he was fed up and needed more money.

He was sad, to be leaving. He enjoyed the freedom art gave him, allowing him to paint and draw whatever was on his mind. He enjoyed finally feeling how someone his age should, going out with friends for lunch, studying together in the library. But the prospect of working was nice to Levi too, he was the sort of person that liked having a very sturdy routine, and the jobs he was looking for would definitely provide that for him. Plus, if it was a well paid position he'd be able to sneak up to Mitras to see Erwin occasionally as well, which was exciting.

However, when the Friday rolled round that week Levi was not pleased. It crept up far quicker than he was ready for, the realisation smacking him in the face as he was sat in his last lecture on art history, staring at the PowerPoint presentation in front of him, glasses neatly on his face. He was so excited to finally see Erwin tomorrow, but was dreading the conversation he was going to have to have with his squad as soon as this group was finished. Sighing, he tapped his pen anxiously on the table, clicking it repeatedly.

Without notice, the lecture was interrupted by a very familiar lady peeking her head through the door moments after knocking. The teacher stopped speaking and all student's eyes drew to the lady at the front of the room, holding a very vibrant yellow post-it note in her hands. She looked up around the room, before looking back at the lecturer and opening her mouth ready to talk.

"I'm so sorry to interrupt you, however I'm looking for a Mr Levi Ackerman?" This time, the eyes of all art students gazed over to the man in question - the tapping of his pen stopped still on the table as he frowned towards the lady at the front. "There's a call for you in the office."

With that, his heart dropped to his toes. The only think Levi could think was that something terrible had happened. If it was something small, the person would have either rang his mobile or texted him. A call to the office made Levi assume that the person on the line didn't really know him, or didn't have excess to his mobile. Throughout Levi's life, he'd learnt that a call to the office was an emergency, most commonly a family death. In school, kids never came back to class after the unwanted call to the office, and he definitely assumed he wouldn't return. Today was his last, anyway.

Quickly but neatly, Levi put all his items away in his backpack before walking to the front of the room, strap clinging to his shoulder and jacket in his free hand. He didn't bother saying bye to anyone in the class, not even the teacher. He just wanted to leave now anyway, and wasn't friends with anyone who studied art. As soon as he reached the lady at the front of the room, she smiled as they left and the door slammed shut behind.

The receptionist struggled to keep up with Levi's fast paced walk to the office, but he didn't care. All Levi could focus on was how much he wanted to get to the phone to see who was calling, to make sure his mother would be okay. It was obviously going to be in relation to Kuchel; no one would ever ring Levi if something happened to Kenny. He immediately jumped to the conclusion that the doctor was on the phone; like said earlier, anyone else would have rang his mobile.

As soon as the office door appeared in sight, Levi slowed his steps and allowed the woman to catch up. A bit out of breath, she opened the door and led him inside through to the principles desk. It was the same person he'd recently told he was leaving college because he wanted more money, but if he was the one that answered the phone, it was safe to assume the old man was now fully aware of why Levi was actually leaving. He sighed, shutting the door and walking over to the phone.

“Mr Ackerman, a lady named Mrs Smith is on the phone for you.” The principle said, handing the phone over to Levi that was on hold. He took it nervously in his sweating palms and pressed the ringer to his hear, coughing to clear his throat. Nothing was signaled to the other man in the room, almost as though he wasn't there in front of the raven haired man. In all honesty, Levi was relieved that it was Erwin's mother on the phone; a doctor he'd have felt uncomfortable talking to, but with it being her, he felt a little more at ease.

“Hello?”

“Ah, Levi darling it’s Erwin’s mother. I don’t want you to panic, but you’re going to have to come to the hospital immediately. Mr Smith has come to pick you up, he should be outside your school in a few moments.”

“What? What’s happened?” His brows furrowed; it all sounded so morbid.

“I’ll let the doctor explain once you’re here, sweetie. Your mother is okay, though. Don’t worry the hospital will work its magic and sort everything out. There's just a meeting we all need to be there for, that's all. It was very last minute and so that's why we had to phone the college. I was worried calling you on your mobile, you'd either get in trouble in class or you'd miss it. I’ll see you in about ten minutes.”

"Okay, thanks." Levi mumbled. He heard Mrs Smith say goodbye, before hanging up and putting the phone down on the desk. Without even saying bye, Levi turned and left the room, sprinting towards the car park to meet the man who was going to be driving him to the hospital. As promised, Mr Smith was stood by his car, enthusiastically waving as though Levi wouldn't have been able to see him in the otherwise empty car park. But he didn't care right now, and allowed his legs to carry him over.

Without saying anything, the smaller man let himself into the car slamming the door shut as he did so. Jackets and bags scattered on the floor without a thought of the dirt that was in the footwell, and Mr Smith let himself into the drivers side, shutting his door a little more gently and belting up. He looked over at his passenger with a weak and supportive smile; a smile that was so damn familiar, the same as Erwin's completely. The same eyes as Erwin's; everything making him miss the blonde man more and more in the harder moments of life. Levi wished it was Erwin picking him up, but his mind immediately drew back to the situation at hand.

“Levi, buckle up. I’ll get us there quickly. It’s just a meeting with the doctor, but Kuchel wanted us all to be with her when it was given, so she asked us to come and collect you.”

Levi nodded, before turning his gaze to the window. His stomach felt like a pit; he wasn't sure how to contain all the emotions brewing inside, fully ready to just break down. But he didn't want to, and after a long time of thinking hard, he allowed himself to zone out of the situation. It was the same way he did when he was younger, when Kenny was shouting at him, or abusing someone, or fighting. The same zoning that made him oblivious to the pain inflicted around his younger self. In his daze, Levi thought of nothing but Kuchel and how much he needed to see her, hold her, feel her. How much he needed to see and hear that she'd be okay. 

As promised they arrived at the hospital speedily, in under ten minutes. The car was parked as the two men walked inside to the ward where the meeting was to take place, Mr Smith announcing who they were at the front desk. The nurse then led them both to a private consultation room where Kuchel and Mrs Smith were sat eagerly waiting. Despite his mind still been in a completely different place, Levi found himself walking straight up to Kuchel and putting his hand on her shoulder. She reached back, giving the small hand a gentle squeeze for reassurance.

Mr Smith allowed himself to grab a spare chair and pull it beside his wife, giving her a sideways hug as he sat down. She looked weary, the pain of the situation clearly weighting on her shoulders. But they kept it together; the Smith's always managed to keep it together when it was an emergency. Instead, they allowed all their sadness to be converted into support for the other two people in the room, the two people who definitely needed that support right now. 

Only moments later, the doctor who attended the first meeting entered the room, taking a seat at the desk and looking around at the four other people sat there. Kuchel nodded at him subtly, suggesting that it was okay to start talking and tell everyone the situation. She didn't want to be the one to say it all, mainly because it was confusing enough with all the scientific terms for the treatment, but also because she couldn't bare to see the reaction of her friends and family.

“Thank you for all coming to discuss this in person.” The doctor began. Kuchel gave Levi's hand another firm squeeze at that, but she didn’t look back. She didn't want to see him, not when this news was given.

“As you all will be aware, Miss Ackerman has been undertaking therapy recently and as of late, the treatment provided has not reacted well with her body. A lot of weight has unfortunately been lost, and she has been suffering sickness and dizziness - which is not the state a patient should be in. When we did the most recent scan of the tumour, it has barely altered in size. If the treatment was working effectively, that tumour would be tiny at this point, just showing how the patient's body doesn't take well to the drugs we are using.

"Therefore, we are going to have to move onto a different treatment. This one hasn’t been tested as thoroughly as the prior one, however Miss Ackerman has agreed to try this instead. But as it is a complicated thing, she asked me to inform you all. Mainly the ins and outs of the procedures, which I will go through in a second. Again, I won't provide this information too heavily today as I can understand how shocking it will be to hear negative news, but should you have any further questions after this meeting is over, you're all more than welcome to phone, call in, or email me queries. 

"The new treatment will begin on Monday and will be a lot harsher than the previous one, as a warning. It may appear that Miss Ackerman is extremely ill, or weak. However, that’s how it is supposed to react at first, and eventually it will smooth out and become easier to handle. All we ask for is patience and support for Miss Ackerman. She will be in hospital a lot more frequently from now and until we have beaten this disease, and all we need to give her is undivided support and attention. Does this all make sense?”

The doctor aimed the question at Levi; his gaze not leaving the man stood up. But his eyes weren't looking at the doctor, but faintly out of the window at the back of the room. He was still zoned out; he barely had taken in the information just provided, but frankly that was how he wanted it. Levi caught the part about Kuchel needing a new treatment and that the tumour wasn't small, but that's it. And that's all the information he wanted, so he ignored the doctor. Mr and Mrs Smith nodded, however, agreeing that they thoroughly understood what was going on.

With that, the doctor cleared his throat and provided the rest of the information about the new treatment. By this point, Mrs Smith was holding Kuchel's hand with a tight grasp, stroking gentle fingers over the back of her hand. Kuchel kept smiling towards her friends, as if showing that she would be okay and that she was strong enough to handle this. There was no doubt she'd be strong enough to handle this. There was a lot of doubt, however, about the man in the back of the room. Everyone kept subtly looking over at him throughout the whole meeting, and once done the doctor tried to talk to him. But the raven man pushed his way out of the room and walked straight to the car, getting in the front seat and pulling his coat up over his body.

 

Once everyone was safely in the car, The Smith's drove Levi and Kuchel home, parked their car up, and came to the flat as well. It was late now, almost six in the evening on a Friday night. So as a treat, and something to hopefully ease the situation, the Smith's ordered a take out for dinner. The three adults sat around in the living room awaiting the delivery, stomachs rumbling. Levi had allowed himself to disappear into his bedroom to hide from everything, his emotions finally showing.

After being zoned out for so long, reality usually hit twice as hard. His mind wandered to the fact that his mother was hardly going to be at home anymore, at the fact he'd left college and still didn't have a job lined up, about the fact that Kuchel's tumour was hardly shrinking. He barely allowed himself to think about the fact Erwin would be coming up tomorrow, he couldn't really think about anything other than the fact his mother was very, very poorly. As he felt himself begin to panic, Levi grabbed his phone and quickly pressed the dial tone to phone Erwin. He didn't want Kuchel to have to help him through a panic attack now, not with everything she had going on. Erwin would be able to help him through the phone, the same way he had so many times.

But there was no answer.

And instead, a harsh knock vibrated on his door as a blonde man let himself into the bedroom, forehead sweaty and t shirt clinging closely to his body. He looked like he'd ran from somewhere, but Levi didn't question anything. He didn't think about the fact that his arrival was a day early, didn't consider why or how Erwin got home so quickly. All he could think was how grateful and relieved he was to see that face lighting up his room. 

As soon as firm arms wrapped around the smaller frame, Levi's panic faded away, as he let himself cry into the lap of his boyfriend. And finally, he let his emotions be felt. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I'm sorry if this chapter wasn't very good, I might have to allow myself a couple of weeks for the next one. I hope you all understand, and thank you again for reading ^0^


	35. A Much Needed Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was a bit longer than usual, but I think that's going to be the case for a while unfortunately ;-; I'm not too well at the moment but I write whenever I've got the chance. Thank you again for reading my story, it means so much to me. <3

“Erwin? What are you doing here?” Levi’s puzzled expression glared up at the man who was stroking hair gently back from his forehead, after he finally got all the emotions held up from his system. The mothers waited patiently in the living room for the two men to appear from the bedroom, Mr Smith too was round now, sat with his wife awaiting his son. None of the parents were expecting Erwin's return this evening; they all assumed he'd be coming tomorrow. Even after his mother rang him earlier that day, he didn't inform her about anything.

“I originally wanted to surprise you later this evening, turn up with some chocolates and an invitation. However, as soon as my mother rang me about Kuchel I dashed home as quickly as I could.” Erwin kept his voice steady and calm, the usual way he does when Levi needed comforting. But the raven haired man didn’t seem comforted, and instead continued to glare with confusion etched into his face.

“Invitation?” He questioned, now shifting his whole body so he could sit up and look Erwin in the eye. They both leaned against the cushions at the head of Levi’s bed and fell into one another, Erwin wrapping a tight arm around his boyfriend and Levi shifted into it. The whole movement was automatic to the two; almost as though they'd never broken up at all, like they'd been falling into one another like that for years.

“I have a surprise for you, Levi. A little something for this weekend, should you want to come along.”

“What kind of surprise?” Since it had been so long since Levi had actually been taken away by someone; the last time being the date in Mitras that went to horribly wrong, a little niggle was felt in his stomach at the whole prospect of what Erwin was saying. But nonetheless, Levi would hear what it was his boyfriend wanted to suggest.

“Well, since everything has been slightly hectic since we got back into our relationship, and since you’re leaving college and things seem extremely hard at the moment, I was going to take you away to a treehouse retreat near home. I found it on the internet the other day and booked it, but of course if you didn’t want to come that’s fine as well.” Excitement weighted Erwin’s voice, though he tried his best to maintain his cool and keep it calm so not as to influence Levi’s decision. "I would completely understand if you wanted to stay at home, especially since you're job hunting and have tonnes of interviews lined up."

“A treehouse? So what, we’re literally going to sleep in a tree?” Levi definitely didn’t like the sound of camping up somewhere high that is most likely quite dangerous, although the thought of being so high in the air did make him feel weirdly excited. It was more the bugs and muck that came from plants that was irritating his thoughts.

Erwin chuckled slightly. “Yes, but it’s like a full cottage just up a tree. Made with very strong wood, or so I read. It has a big fire, a king sized bed, a deep bath. We have a very small kitchen in our tree house too, and then another treehouse has a small restaurant. The trees are all connected by wooden bridges – it’s sort of like our Christmas retreat, but up high. Plus a bit warmer at this time of year, no snowball fights this time.”

Levi looked at his boyfriend, noticing how shiny the blue eyes appeared. A big smile was plastered on Erwin’s face, his cheeks rosy. Levi could see how much he wanted this trip together, even if it was only for one night. And admittedly, the man knew how much they needed it. But the thought of leaving Kuchel at home when everything was so serious at the minute was terrifying – it was obvious Erwin was telling Levi about the trip now as a means to take his mind off his mother, but he couldn’t and didn’t want to leave her when she was so vulnerable. But instead of rushing into his decision, Levi probed for more questions.

“Show me some pictures so I can think about it more.”

“Okay!” Erwin leant forward and reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone and loading up the website. The tree house was just as described; and it did look so beautiful. The trees had so many lights dotted in the branches, and the lights that lit the bridges and pathways were so dainty and elegant. It looked almost as beautiful as the cottage they attended for Levi’s birthday, and the more they flicked through the photos together, the more Levi wanted to be there. But his family was holding his dreams back.

“So, what do you think Levi? We could get off super early tomorrow morning, arrive for the check in at ten in the morning and have an entire day just cuddled up on the sofa, playing games. Have our own lunches, go to the restaurant for dinner. Do you fancy it?”

“Erwin it sounds so nice. It’s just, mum…” Levi’s voiced trailed off as his sentence produced more words. Everything sounded so, so perfect. He really did want to go, he really didn’t want to hurt Erwin’s feelings or let him down. But at the same time, he didn’t want to hurt his mother and leave her home alone when she’d just found out her disease wasn’t going.

“No, that’s absolutely fine. You don’t need to explain.” Erwin smiled a very solemn smile at his boyfriend. Levi practically felt his body slump against his own, the excitement from moments ago melting. Of course, Erwin didn’t intend for Levi to notice that, however human bodies sometimes betrayed their owners.

“I’m sorry, Erwin.” Levi’s voice was small. He hated letting people down, especially when they meant so much to him. But right now, he had to choose between Kuchel and Erwin, and it was clear that Kuchel needed her son so much more right now. Levi didn’t want to just let her be alone for his own gain.

“Don’t apologise Levi. Perhaps once your mother is much better we can enjoy a romantic getaway somewhere nicer, somewhere abroad even! For now, shall we go and sit with the parents in the other room?”

Levi nodded, and the two climbed from the bed and retreated back into the living room where the three were sat around drinking tea and laughing at photos displayed in an album. Of course it was the one from when Levi and Erwin were so much younger, when they first became best friends. Levi hated every photo in the album, deeming them all too humiliating. But Erwin basked in how cute he was as a child, of course. Their parents always ended up going through all photographs when gathered together, mainly to remember how cute their son's once were, especially since now they'd grown up so much. 

“How are you doing, Levi?” Mr Smith asked as the couple sat beside one another on the sofa. Levi just nodded back at the man, flopping his body back into the firm cushions. He was feeling guilty about everything.

“Good. Also, I’m very glad to see you again son! What a nice surprise to have you home a little earlier.” Mr Smith smiled at Erwin, who smiled back at his father. He was so glad that they got along so much better now he was grown up, it felt lovely to have such a strong connection. It was almost as if the past years didn't count anymore. Erwin was eternally grateful that his father had finally accepted Levi.

“I agree. I just wish it was under better circumstances. Kuchel, I’m so sorry to hear about the fact you have to undergo a new treatment.”

Kuchel waved a hand, as if patting the statement away. “Ah, don’t be silly Erwin. I’m an Ackerman, I’m sure I’ll make it through this just fine! Thinking makes it so. And even so, I have a few days to relax before I start the new treatment anyway, which is nice. Think your mum and I are going out, and she’s treating me to get my nails done which will be absolutely lovely. Going to make it a bit of a pamper weekend! Poor Mr Smith is going to be driving us all over.” She winked at the greying man, who just smiled back and laughed slightly. Erwin smiled back at her, too.

“That sounds nice.”

“Have you two got any plans for the weekend?” Kuchel then asked, mainly looking towards her son. She was worried about him at the minute, she really wanted him to still live his life despite everything going on around him. Especially since he quit college, Kuchel wanted Levi to know that he could still go and have fun and enjoy himself like a normal student – not everything had revolve around her. In fact, that was the last thing Kuchel wanted.

Levi shook his head, “Staying here with you.”

Kuchel tutted at that, and looked over at the Smith’s as she did so. “Levi, I won’t be in this weekend hardly. Why don’t you and Erwin go do something nice together? You don’t need to stay with me.”

“You need me though, mum.” He frowned at her, a bit annoyed. He couldn’t understand why Kuchel didn’t recognise that he wanted to be with her right now, he didn’t see why she couldn’t tell her wanted to look after her.

“Honey, I love having you here for me. But you need to live your life too! Look, use some money for yourself this month and the two of you go out for a meal.”

Before Levi could respond, Erwin interjected. “I actually have booked us a weekend retreat in a tree house lodge, very close to home. About twenty minutes away, and if you’re up for that Levi I do honestly think it would be a very good break for you before finding a full time job really starts.”

“Oh wow, see Levi that sounds amazing? You and Erwin should do romantic things like that together, you both deserve and need it right now.”

Levi found himself glaring at his boyfriend, but Erwin's eyes were on Kuchel. He was almost begging her to persuade Levi to go with him, and she was clearly agreeing with Erwin. The men needed a break so much; they just needed to do something romantic together to get away from everything going on at home. Both Erwin and Levi had gone through a pretty tough year, and they needed a nice trip as just the two of them. Camping was fun, but they hadn't had time as just the two.

“I agree with Kuchel, Levi. You’ve put a lot of pressure on yourself lately, you need to make sure you still enjoy yourself and have a bit of a break too!” Mrs Smith smiled at the younger man, who still looked pretty pissed off, even more so now everyone was getting on at him. He hated being forced into things, even things he really did want to do.

The shorter man looked up at his mother once more, seeing how she was reacting to all the comments passing around the room. But Kuchel was just smiling back at her son; she knew he wanted this, he needed this. And to make Levi happy, she’d do anything. Kuchel was very well aware that Levi was waiting for a confirmation to accept the invite, and so she provided one.

“Go, Levi. Go off and enjoy yourself.”

And that is how Levi ended up leaving for a romantic weekend retreat with Erwin.

*****

It took a long time for Levi to pack his things the morning they were leaving – much longer than usual. Erwin had been home, grabbed food from the supermarket, packed his bags, and driven back to Levi’s flat by the time he’d only just started putting items into his own bag. It was only one night, he barely needed anything, but the anxiety of leaving Kuchel home alone was niggling away at him. Usually Levi was so punctual, but it was already almost eleven in the morning - an hour after they'd agreed to check in,, but he barely noticed the time. He wanted to delay leaving Kuchel for as long as possible.

Erwin was let into the flat by Kuchel, who proceeded to tell him to wait for his boyfriend in the living area. She too was dashing around the house getting ready for her girls day out with Mrs Smith, whilst ensuring everything was clean and tidy at the same time. Erwin did as he was asked, taking a seat in the eye line of Levi's bedroom door, looking at it nervously awaiting the smaller man to appear. He'd texted him a few times that morning, and each time Levi responded with "I'm not ready yet".

“Levi!” Kuchel hollered out, “Are you almost ready? Erwin’s waiting for you now.”

“Yeah.” He shouted back, but he didn’t rush anymore. He just let himself out of his own bedroom, ignoring Erwin completely, and followed his mother to her room shutting the door behind him aggressively. A scowl upon his face, Levi sat his heavy body down on the edge of the bed whilst Kuchel faffed around inside her wardrobe looking for her warmer jacket.

“Hm? Everything okay, Levi? Don’t keep Erwin waiting too long now, you're already late for him aren't you?”

“Will you be okay mum?” He breathed out, looking down as he did so. It was one of Levi’s defense mechanisms – never looking the thing that was worrying him in the eye. Kuchel sat down beside her son and wrapped a worrisome arm over his shoulder, pulling him tight to her body. He breathed in the comforting and warm scent of his mother: the smell that had made him feel so comfortable so many times before, the scent that brushed away his anxiety and awful thoughts. Yet this time they barely moved, the worry of losing her filling his mind instead.

“Honey, I wouldn’t have pushed you to go if I wasn’t going to be okay. Nothing big is happening whilst you’re gone today and tomorrow, my treatment starts later next week. I’m simply spending the weekend with Mrs Smith anyway, so you’d be home alone.”

“Okay.”

“I promise I’ll ring you if I’m feeling somewhat poorly. Would that be okay? But you do need to go off an enjoy yourself.”

“Yeah.” Levi breathed a sigh of relief. He just needed that reassurance that Kuchel was going to be okay; he wanted to ask her when no one else was in the room crowding their space. Last night Levi was worried that the Smith family had pushed them both into this, and Kuchel just agreed out of politeness. But now he was able to ask her one on one, and he knew fully well that Kuchel would have said something now should she not want her son to leave, he felt a lot more relaxed about the whole situation.

“Good. Well, get your skates on. Erwin’s been waiting ages and I’m leaving soon!” Kuchel smiled towards her son, and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek before standing up and walking back to the bathroom with the jacket she managed to find. After a second of contemplation, Levi followed suit but walked to his bedroom instead, neatly placing a few more items of his into his bag and walking back to the living room, where he was greeted by a very large grinning blonde man.

“All ready to go then, Levi?” Erwin asked, standing up and walking over to the smaller man. He didn't even seem annoyed at the length of time Levi had made him wait, which Levi was very happy about. He'd probably be even more put off going if the person he was attending with was in a huff. 

“Yep.” He replied, throwing his bag over his shoulder and heading to the door, where shoes were slipped on and jackets held tightly in their grasps.

“We’re off now, Kuchel.” Erwin called out, “Have a lovely few days with my family.”

“Ah, thank you Erwin.” She replied, dashing from the bathroom door and walking over to her son. “Have a great time, okay? I’ll text you, ring me if you need me or I’ll give you a call vice versa. Alright?”

“Yeah, bye mum.”

Kuchel leaned up and placed a kiss on her son's cheek, and smiled at his boyfriend. The two said a final good bye, before turning and walking out of the flat, down the stairs and to Erwin's car. The blonde man went to put the bags and jackets in the boot, whilst Levi took seat in the passenger seat and connected his phone to the bluetooth to play his music. Erwin got in a moment later, started the car, and began to drive. The treehouse trip was no where near as far as last time - they got there in just thirty minutes, including parking up and checking in. 

A friendly gentleman walked both Levi and Erwin to the place they’d be spending the next day and night in, giving them the key and allowing them to unlock the suite. Just as the photos showed the evening before; the house was exactly as suspected - a large and very comfortable looking king sized bed, a roaring fireplace, a neat kitchen, a squishy sofa, and a private bathroom. Erwin always managed to find the most cosy and extravagant places for them to stay – and each time, Levi was so grateful.

Once the couple were settled into their room, the assistant told them to call if they needed anything using the customer phone, and left the room. Immediately, the smaller of the two took to unpacking. He hung their clothes up in the provided wardrobe, put the bathroom toiletries in the desired room, placed items that they'd most likely be using late next to the bed. Erwin was walking around the living area, checking to see how the fire worked and looking through the room service menu. So Levi took this opportunity to wander around properly, looking into the cupboards to see what the company left visitors to eat. There was a few slices of bread, biscuits, coffee and tea, fruit, and in the fridge they had milk and butter. Definitely enough for lunch, since Mrs Smith had given Erwin a pack up for the two to eat as well.

“So what’s the plan, Erwin?” Levi asked, shutting the fridge door and straightening his back. Erwin was now looking through the film collection by the television. Levi walked over to him and stood behind Erwin, glancing round his side at the film choice too. Erwin instinctively wrapped an arm around his boyfriend, pulling him forward to look through the film selection with him for a moment before straightening back up.

“Well, are you hungry now? It's almost one, so what if we eat the lunch my mother made us and watch something on the television. Then after, perhaps we could go for a walk around before attending the restaurant for dinner?"

“Can we just stay in and go for dinner later instead? I don’t fancy going out. It’s cosy in here.”

Erwin smiled happily. “Of course, Levi. Whatever you’d like to do!”

And so the couple did just that. Erwin prepared their lunches, displaying them neatly on plates and making a cup of tea for both of them as he did so. Levi walked around the treehouse, taking photos of practically everything and texting them to Kuchel. Erwin kept hearing Levi’s phone go off, and immediately guessed that’s what he was doing. He sadly smiled to himself; Erwin was very worried about Levi at the minute. Of course his emotions are what one could expect with everything going on, but Levi was a strong person. He’d never seen him be so clingy before, not even during High School with everything that was going on. Heck, Levi managed living with a bully for years when he was younger. It was heart-breaking to see him relying on another so much, but it was obviously just whilst Kuchel was ill. As soon as she’d get better, Levi was likely to not need her so often.

“Levi” Erwin called out, carrying a tray to the living area and placing it on the coffee table. “I’ve finished putting our lunches together!”

“Coming.” Levi replied, putting his phone back into his pocket and taking a seat next to Erwin. They put a rubbish film on the television: some cheap horror that had gone straight to DVD, but nonetheless Erwin still found it very scary. Levi found himself teasing and poking fun at his boyfriend far more than he watched the film, which Erwin often responded with kisses to shut Levi up. Of course, the raven haired man didn't complain, and found himself melting into Erwin with each touch. Lunch was forgotten about for the rest of the film, the two opting to just kiss and cuddle instead, finally able to enjoy one another's company in utter peace. Only did they realise they needed to eat when Erwin's very empty stomach started grumbling, so they sat up and finished their sandwiches and salad quickly.

After lunch was eaten and pots were cleared up, Erwin suggested playing some good, old fashioned board games that were left in the treehouse. The ever competitive Levi agreed to this, the first game chosen being Cluedo. It started fun and innocent, but grew more and more heated as the match went on. But Erwin already had the answers to the weapon and the room, and after figuring out that Levi had the card of Miss Scarlett, Erwin found the conclusion and won the game, much to Levi's annoyance. It took a lot of kisses and a lot of apologising for beating Levi to first place for him to agree to another game, point blank refusing to have a rematch of Cluedo.

So Levi picked this time: Scrabble. Originally, Levi thought he'd be quite good at creating words from random letters. But after finding out he couldn't use places or names of people, or words in different languages, his downfall began. Yet another game lost by the smaller man, yet another grumpy Levi sat beside the coffee table with arms folded in a huff. Erwin silently put the game away, grabbing some sweets that he'd brought with him from his own bag, and feeding Levi with them. The younger man sweetened up from his peeve, and agreed to a final game of monopoly.

After an hour into monopoly, Levi had had enough of board games. Erwin was sure it was because he was losing, but chose not to comment on it and he just did what his boyfriend wanted: he couldn't handle the black haired man being stroppy again. The couple ended up in the same position from earlier, cuddling up on the sofa wrapped in each other, just watching films. They talked a bit, but after about an hour into the movie, Levi’s body grew heavy in Erwin’s arms and it was obvious he’d nodded off. So Erwin let him stay in that position for quite a long time, before it was almost time for tea, and he had to nudge his boyfriend awake.

The couple got ready to go for their food after that: straightening their outfits and hair, walking hand in hand over the bridges to the treehouse that held the restaurant. They were shown to their seats, given menus, and drinks were ordered.

“I’m just gonna phone mum.” Levi said, out of the blue, and his phone began to dial. Erwin watched on as the smaller man spoke briefly to Kuchel, only asking how she was feeling and what she was up to. The conversation ended quickly after that, and Levi displayed his phone on the table beside his dinner plate. The waitress came over seconds later and took their orders, dashing back off to the kitchen to hand them over. The restaurant was very busy unsurprisingly, clearly full of other couples who wanted to get away for a romantic weekend as well. Erwin smiled, glancing around, before looking directly at his boyfriend with a huge grin on his face.

“Thanks for coming, Levi. This is so lovely.”

“Thanks for bringing me.” Levi replied, smiling at Erwin. Their hands found one another’s under the table, and they locked fingers for a few moments just looking at each other. Levi found it very hard to believe that they were actually together again, officially together, after everything that had happened. He knew he wouldn’t have coped through all this without Erwin, and Levi was so incredibly grateful for his loving boyfriend.

Dinner was served not long after they’d ordered; a delicious platter of fancy breads and dips, and their pasta dishes they’d both chosen. Erwin sniffed they food enthusiastically, grinning at Levi as he did so. Levi smirked back, before pulling his phone from his pocket and taking a photo of his food, sending it to Kuchel. She replied moments later.

19:34: That looks delicious! Mrs S just cooked up some curry for us, then we’re off to see a film with Mr S too. xxxxxxx

“Mum’s off to the cinema with your parents, apparently.” Levi said to Erwin as soon as the text came through, and the blonde man just looked up and smiled. Levi had texted his mum at least once an hour since they arrived here, and of course Erwin didn’t mind that at all – in fact, he found it quite cute and endearing.

19:36: Have fun. I’ll say night now then. X

19:36: Night sweetie, have an amazing night. Call me if you need me! Love you loads xxxxxx

19:37: Okay. Love you mum Xxx

Levi slipped his phone back into his pocket, and instead took to eating up the food displayed in front of him. Erwin had already begun and had already managed to get a splash of tomato sauce on his cheek, which caused Levi to stifle a laugh under his breath. The smaller man leaned over the table and wiped it off with the corner of a napkin before sitting back down and eating his own pasta.

“I’m such a messy eater, still.” Erwin chuckled.

“Nothing’s changed since you were small then.” Levi smirked and Erwin looked at him mock offended, before agreeing. The two fell into general conversation about how good the food was, how nice the music was, how the ambience of the room was lovely. Finally, Levi felt himself feeling more relaxed than he did earlier. It was obvious by now that Kuchel was going to be okay at home for one night, it evening now, and by this time tomorrow he’d be home with her again. He couldn’t remember when he got this clingy, but he couldn’t help it. Levi just felt a strong urge to protect his mum; and he knew he’d put the guilt on himself if something bad was to happen to her.

The thoughts of that subject were quickly pushed to the side, however, as Erwin picked the conversation back up again.

“So, what do you fancy doing tonight? A film perhaps? More board games?” 

Levi looked directly into his boyfriend’s eyes at that point, completely ignoring the teasing tone at the suggesting of more games. Levi had one thing in mind. He knew what he wanted to do tonight: he knew what would make him relax, and feel at home. But because the smaller man was taking so long to answer, Erwin had begun to finish his drink as it was clear they were going to leave soon.

“No.” Levi replied, as Erwin took another gulp. “I want to fuck.”

At that comment Erwin’s eyed widened slightly as his drink practically spurted out of his mouth, cheeks burning red. Levi sat there cool as a cucumber as the surrounding tables all looked over at the younger men with shock in their faces. It was safe to say Levi wasn’t exactly the quietest person around, and it was also safe to say that people their age usually couldn’t afford to go to posh breaks like this one, hence why the other guests looked so appalled at the younger couple’s vulgar language.

“Levi!” Erwin remarked as soon as he caught his breath after almost choking, before turning around to the other tables and holding his hand up, bashfully smiling as a form of an apology. Everyone took back to their meals, and Erwin’s blue eyes locked with grey with a very big smirk on his face.

“Well, then, perhaps we should pay now then?” He commented, teasingly. Levi just nodded, stood up and tucked his chair under the table. Erwin quickly did the same, and they walked over to the cashier, handing their money over and walking quickly back to their treehouse, hand in hand. Erwin barely looked at his boyfriend the walk back to their room, mainly because he already got slightly excited about how upfront Levi was about this, and also because he was worried he’d turn bright red if Levi locked eyes back with him.

Fumbling about, Erwin unlocked the door to their treehouse, shutting it behind them as soon as they entered. In this time, Levi already had walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge, hungry eyes looking directly into Erwin’s. The tall man walked straight over then, and his lips locked with his boyfriends: firm, greedy.

Levi’s small arms wrapped up and around Erwin’s neck, hooking him close, pulling him down so he was forced to lean over him. The blonde’s free hands pulled the hem of Levi’s jumper, sliding it over his head in a break from their kiss, before picking his body up and dropping it gently at the head of the bed. Erwin’s feet fumbled about, sliding his socks off as he climbed up to his boyfriend, laying on his side, and tucked his head near Levi’s ear.

“God, Levi. I’ve missed these romantic trips so much.” Erwin mumbled into Levi’s ear, slowly placing his lips on it and giving him a gentle kiss. The larger body rolled over onto the smaller then, as the kisses descended down to his neck. Subtle nibbles caused Levi to moan softly, fingers entwined with Erwin’s. He swore he felt the blonde man smile when the soft noises escaped his mouth, but couldn’t really think straight. It would be the first time they’d have sex in a relationship since the breakup; times before that either were rushed or not sensual. This felt so much different.

Levi felt his body sink into the mattress as Erwin allowed one of his hands to free of the other’s grasp, roaming the raven haired man’s body with it, stroking every inch of him. For the first time in so long, Levi felt completely and utterly relaxed. His eyes shut tight and his mouth hung open, barely even noticing that Erwin had removed both his trousers and boxers at this point, as another moan escaped once Erwin wrapped his hands around Levi’s length, slowly licking him before taking him fully into his mouth.

Erwin made sure to take his time; he didn’t want this to be rushed. He wanted Levi to know how much he meant to him, he wanted to show him. That was one thing that Erwin struggled with; he could happily talk about how much Levi meant to him, yet showing him was another story. This is why he wanted to take Levi away for the weekend so badly; he wanted to have him to himself. He wanted to show Levi.

Levi’s free hand reached down and grabbed the ruffled hair of Erwin, roughly pushing his fingers through it as Erwin’s hand reached under Levi’s bum and hooked it up slightly, pulling both Levi’s short legs onto his shoulders. Erwin wanted to see Levi’s face, see how much he was enjoying everything. Instinctively, the latter crossed his legs once they were over the broad shoulders as Erwin practically sat up, leaving Levi’s thin body in a sloping position. Smirking slightly, the blonde man took the length into his mouth again, sliding a finger over Levi’s hole as he did so; teasing him.

More excited noises escaped Levi’s mouth, causing Erwin throat to rumble making the raven haired man moan louder. But the blonde could sense they were getting carried away, and moved his finger away from the hole and let Levi’s dick fall from his mouth, lowering the smaller man back onto the bed gently.

Both their cheeks were incredibly flushed by this point, and taking a moment before continuing, Erwin stripped off the rest of his clothes as quick as he could, throwing them over the end of the bed. His large body crawled back over Levi, before placing a passionate kiss on his lips and wrapping strong arms around the body, holding him tightly.

They continued like this for a while, before Levi shifted awkwardly underneath his boyfriend and opened his eyes to look right at him. They were still half lidded, his cheeks still flushed, his lips red and swollen. It was clear he was enjoying himself, so Erwin was confused as to why Levi suddenly stopped.

“Everything okay, Levi?” He asked, voice a little husky. Levi just nodded in response, before adding. “Roll over.”

Erwin did as he was told and rolled onto his back. Levi grabbed the lube from the table beside the bed and climbed over his boyfriend, sitting flat on his stomach. Smiling and leaning down, their lips locked again as they resumed where they were before. Subtly, Levi popped open the lube and poured some onto his fingers, before beginning to tease his own hole, slipping a finger in. As he did so, a very small groan escaped his mouth into his boyfriends, causing Erwin to open his eyes slightly to see what his boyfriend was doing.

He’d never seen Levi finger himself before: this was something totally new, and something he very much enjoyed. Trying to focus on just kissing Levi was hard now: his eyes couldn’t remain closed, he wanted to watch Levi get himself prepared, and Levi took the hint leaning his body back up and hovering over Erwin, one arm pinning his body up.

Erwin’s dick grew harder moment by moment as Levi slid the third finger in, groaning loudly and throwing his head back as he did so. Erwin was desperate by this point; he needed Levi so badly now, especially after seeing the younger man’s head fly backwards and mouth hang open in pleasure. The blonde man’s large hands roamed his boyfriends’ body before he couldn’t take it anymore. He grabbed the lube that Levi discarded on the left side of the bed and coated himself. Just as he did so, Levi slipped his fingers from inside himself and lined himself up with Erwin’s length. Slowly, the small man’s body lowered onto Erwin, both of them moaning loudly as the union took place.

Quickly, Levi wiped his fingers on the throw at the end of the bed, before sitting up as straight and grasping Erwin’s hands in his own. Just as before, their fingers twisted together as Erwin’s strong arms helped Levi stay up right as they began to move together. And again, just as before, Erwin wanted to keep this as slow and sensual as he could. He hadn’t seen Levi so comfortable in a long time, and wanted to keep him in this state for as long as possible.

Erwin began to rock his hips slow but firm into Levi, who moved with him steadily. The blonde man caught Levi’s eyes slightly open a few times, and definitely caught a few smiles – warm, happy, content smiles. He couldn’t help but grin back, and pulled Levi down to his lips to kiss him. They stayed moving at this slow and steady pace for a while, before Levi’s moans became more desperate.

It was at that point they both got carried away in the moment. Erwin began to move faster, Levi bounced harder onto his boyfriend. The noises coming from their mouths were a mixture of pleasure and curses at how good the feeling was, before Erwin had to untangle his fingers from Levi’s and wrap them around the smaller man’s body to hold him tight.

Erwin came first, without warning, releasing deep into his boyfriend. And moments later, Levi came too – the first time he did with just penetration and not actually touching himself. Once finished, Levi collapsed into his boyfriend’s firm body in a mingle of flushed skin, heavy breathing, and smiles. They stayed just holding onto one another for a long time, as Erwin dotted kisses onto Levi’s sweating forehead, brushing strands of fallen hair from his face.

It was late now: they didn’t know how late, but they stayed in that position for a long time. A time long enough that Levi forgot about the mess that lay between them as he rolled his small body from his boyfriends, turned the light off, and curled up against Erwin’s solid chest.

“Thank you so much for coming, Levi.” Erwin whispered to his boyfriend, tucking him in a tight cuddle.

“Thanks Erwin.” Levi’s soft voice paused for a second, as if for thought, before he finished. “Thanks for helping me and looking out for me.”

“I’ll always be here, Levi.”

“I love you, Erwin.”

A smile lit up on the blonde’s face: it had been a while since he heard that, and even now it still made his heart skip a beat. “I love you, Levi. I always will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter isn't as long as the others! But I thought everything had gotten a little heavy recently, and decided to write a smutty chapter lol. Hope it's not too bad. I'm so rubbish at writing rude things ;-; but I really hope you enjoyed! <3


	36. Subtle Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really all too happy with this chapter ;-; it was one of them awkward, in the middle, story developing chapters which are hard to write I guess. But I didn't want to reread it for a further time or faff about on it any longer since it's been so long since I last put a chapter up. So nonetheless I hope you all enjoy it ~

By the time the men got home, they were both emotionally exhausted. Erwin because he was so relieved to have seen Levi so utterly content last night, and Levi because he spent half the weekend threating over his mother, and the other half completely baring himself out in the open to Erwin. But because of it, something different rose between them. It was odd: like a bond they couldn’t break.

Kuchel was still round at the Smith’s house when they got back into their hometown from the treehouse, and so Erwin suggested for Levi to come round so they could enjoy a take out together: a final relaxing Sunday night with Erwin. The next time he was to come up from Mitras, everyone was hoping that Levi would have found himself a full time job, so Sunday nights would be spent prepping for work.

Erwin let the pair in, taking their shoes off at the entrance and placing bags on the table in the porch. Confused as to where everyone was currently, the men followed the sounds of giggles and chuckling through the large house. Their fingers were automatically entwined with one another, neither of them realising they were touching. But a very subtle smile was upon the smaller man’s face, making Erwin’s heart melt at every glance towards his boyfriend.

The two entered the conservatory to the sight of three middle aged humans laughing their heads off watching an old comedy on the television. Mr Smith had a beer in his hand, and surprisingly was wearing extremely comfortable clothes: Levi had only ever seen the man in a full suit, or at least a smart shirt. It was weird to see Erwin’s dad in shorts and a t shirt; the ‘typical’ relaxed dad look. Beside him sat Kuchel in her pyjamas and a woolly hat on her naked head; Mrs Smith sat on the opposite sofa in her pyjamas as well, tears streaming down her cheeks from laughing so much. Kuchel and Mrs Smith were both sharing a non-alcoholic wine.

“Mother, father. We’re back!” Erwin announced, stepping into the room and sitting on the floor at the end of the coffee table.

“Ah son,” Mr Smith chuckled out, “Did the pair of you have a good time?”

Levi followed in a second later, slipping down to sit with his boyfriend. Kuchel looked on at the pair with a warm glow in her stomach and a loving smile on her face. Levi looked straight at his mother, smiling back at her whilst Erwin continued the discussion.

“It was a very lovely weekend, wasn’t it Levi? It also appears that the three of you have been enjoying yourselves.”

“Oh it’s been wonderful, your parents are so much fun Erwin!” Kuchel began, “We started getting our nails done and a girly trip to the spa. Then we all went for some lunch, then went to see a film at the cinema. It’s safe to say Mr Smith didn’t enjoy it as much as your mother and I.” She giggled even more at that, looking at Erwin’s father teasingly.

“Anyway, then we all came back here and had a takeout pizza, before your dad suggested we all have a proper sleepover. So we did! We camped out in the living room in sleeping bags, chatting up all night telling spooky stories. It’s the best and most fun weekend I’ve had in a long time.”

Levi and Erwin both felt a bit surprised about the fact their parents could be _fun_. The three were a million kinds of wonderful, but the f word would never be one either of the boys opted to call their parents. Nevertheless, they were both completely happy to see how much their families both got on, and the fact Kuchel had finally managed to relax properly and let herself go was even greater to see.

“That sounds so much fun, Kuchel.” Erwin grinned at her, and she nodded in agreement looking around at the other elders who nodded also.

“What did you two get up to at the treehouse lodge, then?” Mrs Smith finally chipped in, taking a sip of her wine and placing it on the table. The question was aimed at Levi, her glance firm on him as she spoke. But Levi’s cheeks couldn’t hide the embarrassment of the night before; the fact he melted so easily, the fact that they’d never felt a connection like that before. He felt so different today, and whenever he thought to why he flamed red.

“We enjoyed your lunch, so thank you mother. Watched a few films, went to the restaurant for a walk too. Levi and I played a few board games too, and it turns out that isn’t a particular talent of his despite his competitive demeanor.”

Kuchel started to laugh loudly at that one. “I know my Levi, and over the years I’ve learnt to let him win at most board games. I can’t deal with him being so stroppy afterwards – I admire you coping all weekend with that!”

“Shut up, mum.” Levi scolded, but looked at her with a mocking face straight after.

“Well, it’s quite late now isn’t it? I suppose we better get some dinner in.” Mr Smith stood up, stretching as he did so, and placed his bottle on the table. “Who fancies a Chinese tonight?”

A round of, “oh yes!” echoed through the room, so lists were made of what everyone was wanting to order before the phone call took place. When the food arrived, everyone decided it would be best to eat in the dining room to avoid making a mess in the conservatory, and so they all took their seats at the large table and shared the food out between one another.

Levi found himself not needing to be as clung to his mother, surprisingly, and instead felt he needed to be sat close to Erwin instead. The blonde man kept looking on at Levi with a confused but content expression, especially when Levi’s hand slipped under the table and was placed on Erwin’s thigh as their meal was consumed. Levi was never the one, nor had ever been the one, who would willingly participate in public displays of affection - it was always Erwin with the subtle kisses, the gentle holds. But Erwin wasn't planning on commenting on that - he enjoyed the fact Levi was so attached.

Once the food was eaten and the dining room tidied up, everyone decided it would be best for Kuchel and Levi to head back home. It was late now, and Levi had a very serious day of job hunting ahead, plus Kuchel needed a final day to relax before her new treatment started on the Tuesday. Erwin agreed to come home with the Ackerman’s however, wanting to spend as much time with Levi as he could before heading back for the next few weeks. Of course, Kuchel accepted this and drove the two men in the car home with her. The usual seating arrangements; Erwin in the back, Levi up front.

The car parked up at the flat in a matter of minutes, and everyone climbed the seemingly steep stairs to the warm and cosy home. The door was locked, curtains drawn, and darkness fell. Levi found himself clinging slowly to Erwin that night, all limbs entangled into his boyfriends whilst the firm protective arm wrapped around him. Finally, Levi was feeling so much more relaxed with everything going on – and he managed to sleep soundly that night, without any worry of his mother filling his brain.

The following day, Erwin and Levi spent all hours crouched over the computer in Levi’s bedroom applying for jobs, sending CVs off, waiting for calls and emails promising interviews back. He applied for literally anything above minimum wage that didn’t require a degree and was local enough to walk to; tonnes of retail positions that provided far more hours than his bookstore, supermarket supervisors, receptionists. Hours passed and there were no responses. Kuchel promised that this was common; most jobs didn’t reply on the day you applied, so the boys left it at that and took to relaxing for the rest of the afternoon.

Erwin was due to head home that day, but wanted to grab some things from home and say bye to his own family before bidding farewell to the Ackerman’s. So whilst Erwin journeyed home, Levi helped Kuchel prep dinner for that evening in the kitchen chatting none stop about what the lodge looked like, Kuchel talking none stop about the fun she had the other few days. It was as though the illness was forgotten about completely in that moment. Both Ackerman’s finally able to relax with one another and talk about anything but medical treatments and feeling rubbish.

Not long after Erwin dashed back into the flat carrying a very small bag with him. He smiled, sliding his shoes off at the entrance and walking straight over to his boyfriend like an excitable puppy. Confused, Levi furrowed his brows and rinsed his hands in the sink before exiting the kitchen area and walking over to a very chirpy Erwin.

“Everything okay?” Levi questioned, looking up at the azure eyes glazing over him.

“Yes, great actually. I found what I was looking for, look…” Immediately Erwin began to root around in the carrier bag, pulling out a small box which rattled as it moved. Levi had no idea what it was and just continued to look on confused. Kuchel tried to keep a respectable distance, pretending to be totally entranced by the soup boiling on the stove but it was very clear she was listening in. “So since we’re now officially back together, I thought we should both have these again.”

Erwin opened the box displaying the two promise rings the men had both bought each other at different points in their relationship. Levi looked on in wonder; he remembered slamming the ring off when he found out Erwin kissed Marie, and he didn’t honestly think he’d ever see the shining glimmer again. Since that day, the black haired man regretted taking the ring off. Even though he wasn’t with Erwin, he still felt he needed an attachment to him somehow in his life. And now they were back together, he was finally getting it back.

“If we wear them when we’re apart, we’re still touching. So if you’re feeling lonely without me, just look on your finger and I’m still wrapped around it tightly.”

“God Erwin, you’re such a romantic sap.” Levi rolled his eyes, in a joking manner of course. Erwin smiled, breathing a laugh out as he did so. The slither of metal was slipped onto Levi’s ring finger, and Levi did the same back to Erwin moments after. The blonde man then pulled Levi’s hand to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss on it, before letting go and realising that Kuchel was still in the room – fully watching them by this point.

“I do apologise, Kuchel. But your son is right, I am a romantic sap.” He laughed, cheeks a little pink from embarrassment. But Kuchel batted the sentence away with a flick of her wrist and just smiled warmly instead.

“As long as you make my Levi happy, you can be as romantic as you like!”

Levi tutted, humiliated by the entire conversation. He found himself able to be romantic too when it was just himself and Erwin together, but as soon as other people were bearing witness to the scene, he once again became introverted and didn’t want anyone else to see. Even if it was his own mother: but that was just one of Levi’s little quirks. But Erwin completely understood this, and just smiled at his boyfriend with a large grin and a gentle touch of his cheek.

“Well, I’m afraid I’m going to have to leave now. I’ve got so much reading to do for Wednesday and I’ve not even started it yet. I’m sorry to say that tomorrow is going to be full of long essay writing and note taking.” A sigh, “Kuchel, please give me a text or a call to let me know how Tuesday goes.”

“Of course Erwin, I can do that.” She walked around the front of the counter and wrapped the blonde man into a gentle hug, thanking him quietly for looking after her son that weekend. He simply nodded, returning the hold, before she parted ways and left to the bedroom to let the couple have their own farewell.

“When are you next home?” Levi questioned, stepping close to his boyfriend and hugging him tightly.

“If not within the next few weeks, definitely for my birthday. And then thanksgiving. And then Christmas and your birthday. You’ve got me a lot this time round! I think Mike said something about holding a party soon as well, but I’m not sure on that.”

“Okay.”

“Let me know how job hunting goes won’t you? I will practice mock interviews with you over skype if you’d like me to.” Erwin placed a soft kiss on the top of Levi’s head as he nodded to the question, squeezing a bit tighter as he did so.

“I’ll see you soon, Levi. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The couple then met lips and shared a longing kiss, before Erwin slipped his way out of the apartment. Levi watched at the window as the car sped off into the dark night, all the way until the engine couldn’t be heard and the beams couldn’t be seen. It was only then that Kuchel returned back into the living room, serving the soup into bowls and sharing a seat with her son.

That Sunday night the family sat comfortably with one another, watching shitty television shows. Levi played on his 3DS for a while, showing Kuchel parts of his game even though she wasn’t interested. But as she always did, his mother took part in the games asking questions and pretending interest – Levi knew it was false, but right now it felt great to have her ask questions about his life.

Silently, Miss Ackerman admired the glimmering ring on her son’s finger and she couldn’t help but feel a swelling of her chest. Never did she think Levi would find someone so strong, kind and amazing – someone who was there for him no matter what, who would take him on loving trips away, who would come rushing home at the sound of bad news. Erwin was so respectful and caring: and Kuchel really wanted him to know how grateful she was of him. But a time could come for her to express all her true feelings.

Not late after, everyone returned to their beds where Levi finally checked his other texts which weren’t from his mother. So many came flooding through asking if he was okay after dashing from college on Friday, asking what was going on since he’d not contacted anyone all weekend. There were a few missed calls from Petra and Eld as well, but right now he didn’t want to message anyone or speak to anyone else.

Anyone expect the person he’d bonded so deeply with.

That night, Levi fell asleep listening to Erwin chatting away on his drive home to Mitras, talking about everything he could see on the roads, about the busy city life. The walk home to his apartment, the unlocking of the door. The blonde man didn’t stop speaking, mainly because he knew how much Levi wanted it right now. The last thing Levi heard that night as the blonde man whispering, I love you, before pressing end call.

                                                                *****

“You’ve officially left college?! What?!”

Petra sat opposite Levi in a local café on Tuesday evening after her friend finally replied to all her messages asking where he was. He sent a brief text outlining what had happened, but asked to meet in person so he could talk about it thoroughly with her (and also because Kuchel was in hospital all day and he wanted a distraction). If anyone at college was to know why Levi had left and spread that rumour, he’d want it to be Petra.

“Yeah, I know.”

“But Levi,” Petra sipped her coffee, “You were really enjoying yourself. Are you sure this is the best decision?”

“I wouldn’t have quit if I wasn’t sure.” Levi’s brows remained in a furrow line as he looked towards the red head, who now had a very sympathetic smile on her face.

“I guess that’s very true for yourself. If there was any way at all that I could help with, you’d let me know wouldn’t you?”

Levi sighed silently. “Yeah, but Petra like I said everything’s fine.” He paused for a moment, before adding a quiet “thank you.”

“So what’s your plan now then? Are you trying to find yourself a full time, permanent job?”

“Yeah. I applied to loads yesterday and got a few replies for interviews this morning. Got one tomorrow afternoon so I need to practice.”

Petra drank the last little bit of coffee before looking towards her friend with an eager smile on her face. “Oh! That’s so good, do you want to practice? What’s it for?”

A sip of tea was taken by the raven haired man, before the cup was placed gently back on the saucer. “It’s a receptionist job for some office, nothing exciting. And thanks but Erwin’s helping me practice.”

“Oh, Erwin? Is he in town?”

“No but he’s gonna skype me later on.”

“I guess Erwin will be best for the job! How is he? Have you heard from him much since he’s gone back to Mitras?” Petra’s voice paused as if remembering something, before excitedly adding. “Oh! I forgot to tell you. Mike is holding a party in a week on Saturday, he said don’t come round until like eight? He said later than usual because there’s a big surprise. Invite Erwin!”

This must have been the thing that Erwin was on about with Levi the other day, he thought. Levi wasn’t really in the mood for parties at the minute, but if it meant he’d see Erwin again so soon, and if he got to see all his old friends, it would definitely be worth it. “Okay, cool.”

Stretching out his left hand, Levi wrapped his fingers delicately over the top of the teacup displaying the ring that Erwin had returned to him to Petra, whose eye caught notice of it almost immediately. It started with a small gasp, before her hand snatched over the table and grabbed Levi’s almost knocking the tea cup on the floor.

“What’s this, Levi!?” She was practically bouncing on her seat admiring the piece of silver wrapped around his finger. He blushed subtly, cursing himself for keeping it on. The couple had decided to keep everything on the down low, and quiet. Mainly because they needed this to stay a strong relationship this time round and last time when people interfered it messed everything up a bit. But now Levi was put on the spot, trying to find a way to avoid the awkward conversation.

“Isn’t this the ring that Erwin got you?” There was a slightly smirk heard in Petra’s tone at the comment; one that you couldn’t ignore. She was already seemingly suspicious.

“Yeah. We agreed that since we’re friends we might as well make the most of the jewellery. It wasn’t cheap shit, so makes sense to wear it.” He shrugged it off as though it was the least meaningful and sentimental thing in the world. And weirdly, Petra seemed to buy it. Sadly she let go of his hand and leaned back into her chair, allowing Levi to pull the ringed finger close to himself and hide it on his lap. He made a mental note to take it off as soon as he got home.

“God, even when you two aren’t dating you’re still the cutest couple ever. I wish Oluo would do romantic things like that with me.” Her voice trailed off into a whine, and the two fell into conversation about how Oluo wasn’t been lovey enough with Petra at the minute and instead was focussing on work. They agreed that this was the best thing to do, however after a long time and another hot drink each, Petra and Levi found themselves in a raunchy underwear shop chatting to a very friendly middle aged woman.

Slithers of very thin lacey material were wafted about downstairs, Petra asking Levi’s opinion on pretty much everything she held. Eventually, and uncomfortably, he had to give in and offer honest feedback on the items. Petra settled for a pale pink babydoll and some frilly knickers, before they were taken upstairs to the ‘restricted area’. Of course Levi was asked for his ID at this point, and begrudgingly he showed his passport confirming that he was soon to be twenty. The lady politely left it at that, bringing the clients with her.

Almost a hundred pounds later and an in depth understanding of Petra’s sex life, the two left the store together. Levi felt incredibly awkward throughout the whole experience but his mind couldn’t help wandering to Erwin, wondering what he’d like from a shop like this or whether he would even like it. There was tonnes of things they’d not tried yet, and he made yet another mental note to bring it up later if he felt comfortable enough to do so.

“What’s your plan now then, Levi?” Petra asked as they rounded the next corner, heading to her favourite clothing store.

“Not sure. Mum still at hospital, I’ve not got a text saying she’s home yet so. I’ll just kill time in town I guess. You?”

“I’ve still got thirty minutes left on parking, so we could just hang out for a little bit. Would you like me to stay with you and extend the parking time? I wouldn’t mind that at all.” Petra’s smile was warm and motherly – she always had that sort of vibe about her, but even more so today. Maybe it was because Levi was needing that extra comfort subconsciously.

“It’s up to you. I’ll probably just go and look at games, though.”

Petra picked a top off a rail, examined it, before putting it back down neatly. Levi followed her around the store as she held up dresses and jeans and tops of every colour. Levi absolutely hated shopping, but Petra didn’t really have any other friends that would endure it. Gunther and Eld were always far too busy now they had their own flat, seemingly never running out of needed trips to furniture stores. Oluo had got a part time job and worked after college, and Nanaba seemed to have loads going on with her own job, so Levi was the only one left. And Petra had helped Levi so much over the years, he felt guilty not doing the same for her.

“I’ll come look at games with you. We could get something nice and cook tea for your mum?”

“She usually isn’t well enough to eat after treatments.” Levi’s voice lowered at that point, trying to keep it quiet enough for no one else to listen in. But Petra understood and just nodded.

“Well, we’ll pick a film up and some nibbles and we can all sit together and enjoy it. I miss Kuchel! I feel like I’ve not been round to yours in ages and it’s always so much fun with the Ackerman’s.” She giggled a bit at the end, turning from the store and adding more time on her parking ticket using an app on her phone. The two wandered up to the games shop where Levi spent a long time trying to find the game he was after in a nice box and best condition. Once found, they paid and went to the film store to pick out a movie.

The pair settled on a cheesy 80’s slasher, something that both Levi and Kuchel would enjoy. Petra not too much, but she offered to watch it since she was the guest. Popcorn, crisps, sweets, and pizza were bought from the supermarket when Levi’s phone finally began to ring in his pocket. Mrs Smith’s number flashed up on the screen, and he answered it as quickly as he could.

“How is she?”

“Levi honey. Kuchel’s finished her first treatment and seems to be doing well! We’re just on our way home now, Mr Smith is dropping us off.” Her voice seemed hollow, but Levi chose not to notice it and just focus on his mother instead.

“Is she feeling tired or sick?”

“I think she’s just a little weary from the hectic day. But she seems really well, just having a little rest in the car which is why I phoned.”

“Do you think it’ll be okay to bring a friend round?”

“I think that should be okay. I’m coming round for a bit too, if you don’t mind.”

“No that’s fine. See you soon then.”

“Bye Levi!”

The phone rang dead as Petra loaded the few items into the shopping basket, before smiling towards her friend. Levi slipped his phone neatly back into his pocket, before bending down to retrieve the basket and walking to the checkout.

“Everything okay? Is it okay for me to come still?” She asked, as items were scanned through.

“Yeah. Mrs Smith said she seems good, and they’re both on the way home now.”

“Mrs Smith?” Petra questioned, “Erwin’s mum?”

“She’s close to mine.” He replied, handing the money to the cashier before thanking them and leaving the store, carrier bags in hand. They loaded them up into Petra’s boot and got into the car, driving home to the Ackerman flat as quickly as they could. Levi was eager to see Kuchel: even if someone else had promised that she was okay, he had to see it for himself to double check. He liked to know. The entire journey Levi found himself absentmindedly playing with the ring on his finger; his mind drawn back to Erwin throughout. As mean as he felt, he couldn't help but wish Erwin was sat next to him, coming home with him to see Kuchel.

Reality shook when Petra pulled up, the flat lights were all on and a window open. It was obvious that the adults were already back, so Levi and his friend unloaded the car and headed up the stairs inside to deliver goodies. When they walked in, Kuchel was sat up chirpy on the sofa in the living room with a blanket wrapped over her legs. Mrs Smith was pottering about in the kitchen making cups of tea as the door sounded.

“Oh, Levi. Petra. Welcome home.” The lady making the drinks said, and the two said hi before Levi dashed over to sit next to his mother on the sofa. She looked normal, brighter even. Her eyes were shiny and her smile warm; she didn’t look as weak and poorly as usual when returning home from the hospital. It was odd to Levi, something seemed up. But he put it down to the fact the treatment was less harsh and didn't comment on it.

“How are you sweetie?” She asked Levi as he shuffled closer to her. Petra had wandered into the kitchen to give Erwin’s mother a hand with the drinks, mainly because she knew that Levi and Kuchel needed some time to chat after her treatment.

“Okay. Was it okay today?”

“Yes, they were very gentle with me. I think this will really help, so no need to worry.” Mrs Smith looked up from the kitchen at that point, giving Kuchel a worrying look before glancing back down to the drinks. Kuchel saw it, but thankfully Levi didn’t. He wouldn’t have understood the worrisome look from his boyfriend’s mum.

Once the drinks were made, the four sat together in the living room as the snacks were emptied and displayed. The horror film that was bought was placed into the player, as the group continued to sit and view it. There was hardly any talking: everyone just enjoying basking in silence, watching the screen intently. But frankly, that’s what everyone needed. Soon enough, Petra had fallen asleep - her head resting gently on Erwin's mothers lap. But she didn't mind, and just brushed the ginger hair away from her face.

Levi took this opportunity to get up and skype Erwin quickly for interview advice - they didn't have time to do a proper practice yet, since everyone was round at his house and he'd feel so rude ignoring people. So instead, a quick conversation about main questions and what to wear was their only option. As soon as the ringer started, Erwin picked up within seconds. The blonde hair was ruffled and neat glasses were placed on his nose. His face was tired; it was very clear that he was just studying.

"Hey Erwin." Levi waved into the screen, and the blonde's face immediately lit up.

"Levi! You okay? How is Kuchel?"

"Yeah she seems good. Petra's round still."

"I'm so glad today went well." Erwin wrote something quickly on the paper in front of him, before shutting the workbook and placing it to the side. He shuffled closer to the screen, "are we ready to prep some questions then?"

The two talked for half an hour, discussing the best shirt and pants options for Levi to wear for his interview. Erwin provided some answers to hard questions, and by the end of the practice, Levi found himself feeling so much more confident in himself and prepped for the day ahead. Levi just wished it was actually his boyfriend that was the interviewer and not some stranger that didn't understand his bitchy face and moody personality, but after Erwin had spoken to him, Levi was hoping he'd be able to portray what a nice guy he could be.

"What did you and Petra get up to today then?" Erwin asked, followed by a yawn. It was late now; Levi hadn't intended to be on skype still at this time - Mrs Smith was probably wanting to get home but he'd abandoned Petra on her, and Kuchel was no doubt sleepy after a stressful day. He really needed to get off.

"Shopped, coffee."

"Oh, what shops did she take you to?" Erwin smiled, and Levi blushed almost instinctively at the memory of all the things he'd seen that day. He wanted to ask Erwin so badly about whether he'd want to go to a shop like that or not, but didn't want to humiliate himself and so brushed it off, ignoring the question entirely. 

"Erwin I think I'm gonna have to go, everyone's waiting for me." 

"That's okay, don't worry! I'll see you in two weeks now anyway, Mike texted me today telling me to make sure I'm home for then. He hasn't said to tell anyone because the party isn't officially announced yet, but no doubt it will be very shortly. So don't mention it to Petra or anything, but I will definitely be back."

"That's well good. Okay, well, least it's not long til I see you again." Levi paused, "Thank you."

"You don't ever need to thank me Levi." Erwin smiled, pulling his hand up to his face and kissing the ring softly. "I love you."

Awkwardly, Levi repeated the action before repeating the sentence and turning the computer off. He knew that if he didn't dash he'd want to hang around his boyfriend forever, and that wasn't an option now, so without a second glance the raven haired man walked straight to the living room and sat back beside Kuchel on the sofa whose eyes were softly drifting. 

"All prepped for tomorrow?" She asked, her voice laced with weariness. Mrs Smith turned her head to look at the two and listen in on the conversation.

"Yeah, Erwin gave some good answers. Think I might get to bed now though." He stood up and poked Petra harshly on her forearm. She shifted annoyed on Mrs Smiths lap, and without saying a word, walked straight into Levi's bedroom and climbed into his bed. He sneaked in at the other end so they were top to tail, before the lights were switched off and darkness descended on the room. 

A final text buzzed through for Levi that night. The one text that made his heart sing with confidence in the morning, the thing that put a spring in his step for the interview.

02:53: If anyone deserves a job, it's the most amazing man in the world (and that's you) xxxxxx


	37. Big Announcements and Growing Up

As promised, Mike sent invitations out for his house party within days of Erwin letting Levi know about it. It was to be a celebrations of sorts, according to the letter which Levi got in the post. Erwin had told Levi that Mike had something planned and was going to surprise everyone with it, but obviously didn’t tell the raven haired man what. So it was to be a complete surprise, apparently. And Levi hated surprises. But as long as it didn't involve him, Levi supposed that it wouldn't be so bad. He'd hardly spoken to Mike recently with everything going on, so didn't really have any idea about what it could be.

Upon talking around, it seemed like friends old and new were going. Mike had invited the usual’s from High School, but also Moblit, Oluo, Eld, and Gunther were to be tagging along as well. Since no one really got to know Mike and Nanaba’s new friends, it seemed more appropriate to just bring everyone along from the camping trip. Honestly, even though Levi had met Petra for a coffee and a day of shopping not long before, he was still slightly on edge about seeing everyone from college. Not because he was nervous about telling them he'd left, but mainly because he couldn't be arsed with the sympathetic looks and the needy questions. He was fine.

Erwin had a very long drive back that day, and his mum wanted him to call home first so the secret boyfriends agreed to meet at the party itself. Levi ensured that his ring was taken off this time, to avoid any unwanted questions and further probing from Petra. It was very obvious that himself and Erwin would be spending a lot of time together at the party, and didn’t want to suggest anything more by wearing rings as well. So instead, the band hung around Levi’s dainty neck on a silver chain hidden by his favourite green jumper. 

“Ah Levi’s here!” Nanaba shouted when he knocked on the front door. Kuchel dropped him off, seemingly a lot better since the treatment started the other week. She seemed to be in so much less pain, and could actually get out and about like she hadn’t been able to do so before. Levi was staying at Erwin’s that night, and so she’d said goodnight and let him go off to his party. Since the weekend Levi and Erwin shared together, the smaller man was a lot less clingy on his mother and now his constant thoughts were with Erwin. It was weird, like something inside him had evolved - something he didn't understand yet.

“Hi Nan.” He replied with a nod of his head, as she extended her arm out to allow the smaller man to enter her house. Gunther and Eld were the only other people there sat together sipping cider on the sofa, other than Mike of course, so Levi went over to chat to them. It was the first time he’d seen them since leaving college, and assumed they’d just heard about that through Petra anyway. With his usual disgruntled expression, he went and sat beside his friends. He couldn't avoid the questions forever. As soon as he began to approach the seats, all eyes looked up at him with big grins on their faces. (Which was common for Eld, but very unusual for Gunther who was just as moody as Levi).

“Levi! I’m well glad you’re here. Feel like I’ve not seen you in ages.” Gunther began, smiling at his buddy. Eld just sat looking on at Levi with the same love struck gaze he’d had on his face since they met. Levi had grown accustomed to it over the year, however after not seeing him for a while and now that he was in an official relationship, it all felt a bit intrusive. Neither of the men asked anything about college, as though they were waiting for Levi to bring it up. So with a sigh, he apologised.

“Yeah. Sorry I didn’t say bye.”

“That’s okay, Levi. We understand. Petra said you were looking for a job?” Eld’s tone was much too polite and gentle with Levi. The sort of tone he’d have dealt with before, but it just grew irritating on him now. He didn't want Eld to be flirty with him anymore, he didn't want that sweet voice. Not after everything that had happened between himself and Eld during the break up with Erwin. It felt wrong - but it wasn't as if he could just tell Eld to back off because he was with Erwin again.

“I got one.”

Just before Eld or Gunther could continue questions, the doorbell rang again and Mike dashed from the kitchen to open the entrance. And there was the one person Levi needed and wanted right now: a very smiley blonde man stood in the opening of the house with a large grin on his face, eyes directed at the raven haired man who shifted under the intense look. Of course, Erwin was snapped out of his daze quick enough to say hi to Mike and hand him some booze, before the blonde man made a b line straight for his boyfriend.

“Levi. I’m glad you’re here.” Erwin’s voice seeped from his lips like syrup, melting Levi’s insides the way it did always. There was something that seemed to excite Levi more now, though. Something about them being in a super-secret relationship that no one knew about make his heart beat faster and his stomach grow warm with anticipation. But it was annoying too. He wanted to throw his arms around the handsome blonde man and kiss him, but he couldn't and instead had to settle with a subtle nod.

“You too, blondie.” Levi replied, trying to answer the comment in the smoothest and calmest way he could. But Erwin’s eyes glistened at the nickname, and the taller man sat beside the other on the sofa, welcoming himself into the conversation between Gunther and Eld. The entire chat, Eld’s eyes were green with envy when looking at Erwin. Of course, there was nothing seemingly to be jealous of, apart from the fact that he most definitely was Levi’s favourite. Something that Eld would never be able to handle. But Erwin didn't notice, his gentle and kind face just smiling along with the conversation and chipping in when necessary. Of course, the conversation had strayed from Levi's personal life as soon as Erwin arrived, mainly because everyone wanted to ask questions about the degree he was studying for.

The room gradually filled up with other guests: Moblit and Hange walked in hand in hand, followed by Petra and Oluo a little later on. Hange immediately ran up to her most favourite black haired man in the entire world and climbed onto his lap with “exciting news about Marie and Nile” – it turned out they were back in a relationship that was quite serious, and talks of marriage were in the air for them. Levi just tutted the entire conversation away; if there was anything he didn’t care about right now, it was them two. The entire time grey eyes were looking on Erwin waiting for a twinge of jealously at the mention of Marie's name, but it wasn't noticed once.

Surprisingly, Hange didn’t comment once on the fact that Levi and Erwin were sat so close. They didn’t mention the new piece of jewellery on Erwin’s hand, or the silver chain that sometimes caught a shine from the lights of Mike’s flat. Instead, Hange just smiled warmly at their best friends before heading off to do shots with Moblit – who was definitely the biggest drinker of the group, and the only one who seemed to be able to handle the alcohol well. Erwin had opted to avoid alcohol along with Levi, both sharing a non-alcoholic wine in plastic cups. Everyone else slowly began to get tipsy around them.

Once everyone fell nicely into chatter and groups, Mike decided to take place right at the centre of the room where everyone would notice him, before tapping on his glass loudly with the side of the spoon. Nanaba turned the music off, and all eyes fell on the very tall, broad man who could barely see through his long, unkept fringe. The man was towering above everyone now - Levi thought he was the tallest person he'd ever seen, and couldn't understand how someone that big could still be so soft with everyone whilst himself, small and cute, was so damn grumpy all the time. Erwin always managed to comment on it, and Levi quite liked the fact that he was clearly known to be stern and someone to keep at arms length. A small smile fell on his face at the thought, before a beaming voice disrupted his thoughts.

“Thanks everyone for actually bothering to come home from your busy adult lives for this.” He began saying, “Especially Hange, Mobit, and Erwin who came from Mitras. I haven’t told anyone properly why I wanted you all here tonight, expect that I have an announcement to make. Well a few. I’ll try be quick about it so we can all get drunk, or if you’re Levi you can just watch everyone make a fool of themselves.”

The room snickered a little, Levi’s face remaining unimpressed. But Erwin secretly fed his hand round the cushion behind Levi’s back and massaged a small circle on his tail bone, causing Levi’s pale skin to plaster with goose-bumps. Shifting into the newfound warmth, Levi listened into the rest of Mike’s speech.

“Before I tell you my news, I want to say a massive congratulations to my best friend Levi, the first of our group who’s actually managed to get a full time job. So, to Levi!” Mike raised his pint glass dangerously high in the air, to which everyone repeated the action cheering loudly and clapping for their friend, before a round of ‘speech’ began to be chanted.

“I’m not making a fucking speech.” Levi muttered under his breath, causing Erwin to laugh slightly. But the chants continued, and so Levi was forced to stand up beside his bizarrely tall friend at the front. Mike’s eyes drew attention to Erwin, who moved his arm back from the original position behind Levi’s cushion, and whose blue beads didn’t stray from Levi. As soon as Levi approached Mike at the centre of the room, the latter could smell a very familiar scent - a scent he recognised from high school. But he brushed the thought to the side as Levi finally spoke, scowl on his face.

“Thanks. It’s not a good job, I’m just a receptionist. And that’s as much as I’m going to say, so now I’ll go sit down.” The man walked straight back to the sofa and plopped down aggressively whilst his friends sarcastically cheered, applauding him for the best speech they’d ever heard. Hange made a big twirl, spilling half their glass on the sofa as they did so, Moblit immediately fussing around them. But Mike ignored the commotion and carried on talking. Erwin's arm sneaked round the cushion once again, repeating the same motion on Levi; cheeks flushed slightly pink.

“Now the attention back to my life. My lovely lady Nan has managed to find herself a summer placement for next year, which is the real reason for his party. Hopefully that means that after graduation, which is not too long away, will secure her a job. So we’ll have money coming in for another very big event.”

At this point, Nanaba climbed up to stand beside her boyfriend raising her left arm high so everyone could see the very large, over the top diamond that was displayed on her wedding finger. Her face was nothing but a toothy grin, eyes shining bright and cheeks red.

“I proposed to Nan a while ago, but we decided to keep it quiet until now. So, congratulations to us as the first couple to actually be engaged!”

Everyone stood up and clapped even louder than before. It was so nice to see how in love high school sweethearts were, and so comforting that they’d actually managed to find each other and be so happy together. Everyone else’s relationship seemed to fall apart from school, either with new people getting involved or cheating. But Mike and Nanaba were so head over heels for one another, it was not surprising at all. Erwin was almost crying he was so proud of his friends, but Levi felt a pang of jealousy at how settled they were - that's what he'd always wanted, this whole time, but never got.

“I would like to say,” Nan shouted above the cheering, causing everyone to quiet down, “That in school half of everyone’s relationship’s put a bet on who would be married first. So I, Petra, and Erwin made this bet. Of course, the winners were Erwin and Levi so I was shocked to be the first!” She giggled, but Levi’s brows drew close and furrowed; not impressed.

“Well that’s not going to fucking happen is it, Nan?!” Levi collared out from his sofa too aggressively, too sharp. It made it slightly obvious he was hiding something, but thankfully Nanaba didn't really notice and instead shook her head in a form of an apology making Levi feel bad for snapping, but he didn't want the secret to slip.

“I suppose not.”

The room fell uncomfortably silent on that bombshell, before Levi congratulated the couple nonetheless and the music was turned back up, causing everyone to fall back into their original conversations and drinking habits. Erwin and Levi sat beside each other for the rest of the party, talking to no one outside of their relationship, only looking at one another. Mike kept noticing from the corner of his eye; kept seeing the interactions and how everyone else around the room was talking to different people bar them two. Even Hange didn't bother coming over to talk to them, appreciating that it seemed they needed some time alone. Thankfully, everyone around them got far too drunk to pay any attention to the fact they hadn't parted all evening, making it a lot easier for them to escape from the party.

Once no one was left sat near them on the sofa's, Levi made the move first. He disappeared towards the back of the flat, and climbed up the duplex stairs to the top floor. After about five minutes, Erwin followed suit where the two met into the spare bedroom, door left slightly ajar but neither noticed. The second the door shut, the men collapsed into each other's hold, sharing passionate kisses and longing holds. They barely noticed the time, fully falling into one another: completely head over heels. The party's music downstairs blared through the flat, Hange and Petra's loud giggles often heard. But they couldn't care less: too absorbed in one another.

Mike had noticed, however. And after about ten minutes he headed up the stairs to see what was going on, and also to chat to Erwin since it had been so long since they'd seen each other. However, as soon as he caught a glimpse of the two together, he gently pulled the door shut with a heavy sigh. He didn't want to interrupt them. He knew how much Levi was struggling, and how hard Erwin was finding University - the last thing he'd want to do as a good friend is expose their silent relationship. So instead the man walked back to the party, where he sat beside Nanaba who was showing everyone her current wedding planner she'd made.

Once the early hours crept around, everyone slowly started going home. Before heading back to colleges and own lives, the group had agreed to meet up for a hangover fry up in the morning, since some people were far too drunk to bid a proper farewell now. Petra and Oluo went back in a taxi with Eld and Gunther, sharing the spare room in their flat for the night. Moblit carried Hange to their taxi, driving to a local hotel. He knew that Hange's parents would not appreciate seeing their child this drunk, so avoid arguments at all cost. Moments later, Levi crept down the stairs, hair messed up and cheeks flushed red. His chain with the ring had fallen out of his jumper, fully exposed to everyone but he didn't notice. Thankfully, only Mike and Nanaba were left tidying downstairs.

"Oh, Levi. I wondered where you got to!" Nan commented as he helped carry some plates to the kitchen.

"Went to sit on your roof." He replied, no doubt in his voice. Nanaba just smiled and nodded. It was common for the smaller man to do that, weirdly seeming attracted to heights. Meanwhile, Mike had gone up the stairs to find Erwin in the bathroom, trying to splash cold water on his face and comb him extremely messy hair. The taller of the two was caught in the mirror when the blonde man stood back up straight, causing him to jump slightly.

"God, Mike. You gave me a fright!" Erwin laughed a bit, turning around and patting his face dry with a towel.

"Where have you been? I wanted to chat with you tonight." Mike played dumb.

"Sorry, I must have fallen asleep after drinking so much. But I'm here tomorrow, perhaps we could join each other for dinner?"

"Erwin don't bullshit me. You haven't drank all night. Were you up here with Levi?"

Erwin sighed, leaning back against the sink display. A hand ran over his face, then through his hair before hitting the side hard. His body slumped, and he looked so guilty. "I'm sorry Mike. Please, don't tell him I've told you this. He really wanted to keep this a secret so no one else could get involved."

"I wouldn't tell anyone. But seriously, don't hide it from me. I could tell the second you walked into the party wearing that ring again." Mike pointed towards Erwin's ring finger at the piece of jewelry, "Look after him. He seems fragile? I can't think of another word. He plays it off like he doesn't care but the way he was looking at you tonight. It's like he really, really needs you now. Especially with his mother, y'know?"

"Mike, I love him with my entire heart and have done my whole life. You know this, better than anyone else. I'll take care of him."

Mike nodded and smiled, "good. And we're meeting for dinner tomorrow. Right?"

"Right. And thanks, Mike." The two smiled at one another, before they heard Levi shouting that he wanted to go home because he was tired. Of course, Erwin obliged instantly and headed down towards his boyfriend.

Once they congratulated their friends again, the two took to the streets and began walking home, Erwin's arm wrapped tightly around Levi to keep him warm. The smaller man didn't admit he was cold, but the violent shivering told Erwin otherwise. They remained silent for a long time, just breathing in the early morning air, crisp and fresh. Darkness still surrounded them, even more so when they approached the park they needed to cross to get to Erwin's, but it was nice.

It was Levi who broke the silence first, yawning before speaking. "I told Nanaba, she said she wouldn't tell anyone."

Erwin looked down at his partner, shocked at the sudden honesty. "Oh, really? How come?"

"I came down and looked flushed I guess. I'd fucked off for half the party, my ring fell out of my jumper. I didn't have a choice, really." He sighed, "But Nan wouldn't tell anyway."

"Well, I had to tell Mike in the end too. He was annoyed that I'd hardly seen him, and guessed about us anyway." Erwin smiled sadly, "I'm sorry I couldn't keep it secret for longer, Levi."

Levi just smiled and kissed Erwin's cheek, standing up on his tip toes to do so. After that, their steps synchronized and they walked hand in hand, before finally getting to Erwin's house and curling up in bed together, limbs protectively wrapped round one another. Cold noses and fingers made each other twitch until both bodies were heavy with sleep, nodding off until late mid morning the following day.

It was Erwin who awoke first, leaving Levi tucked up soundly in bed. The blonde man pulled the quilt cover up tightly around Levi's body, the air crisp and chilly that day. Quietly, the man left the room to head downstairs and find out what time everyone was meeting up later for the hang over cure, but no one had called or texted yet. He supposed it was still very early considering the times that people left the night before, and instead opted to have a coffee and sit with his mother in the kitchen.

"Morning son. Did you and Levi enjoy your party?" She asked kindly, sitting down opposite her son with a steaming cup of coffee for the two. "I'll make you two some breakfast in a little bit, probably some egg on toast. That okay sweetie?"

"Yeah thanks mum, sounds good." Erwin took a sip of coffee, "Party was good. Levi seems a lot happier."

At that, Mrs Smith took a deep sigh before resting both hands over her warm cup. That was an obvious sign she had something she wanted to say that was most likely quite serious - a sign that always made Erwin's stomach do slight flips with anxiousness. His eyes drew up to his mother, brows furrowed as he looked on at her.

"Mum? What's wrong?" He asked tentatively.

"I shouldn't really tell you this sweetheart, it's not my place to say. But I really think you need to know, despite what she's asked me to say. But you can't tell Levi this, okay? It has to be kept quiet from him. It's not my choice to keep it that way, but I promised and it's not my place to discuss this anyway."

"Mum you're making me worry. Just tell me." Erwin's voice was stern and heavy - since he'd grown older, he could come across a lot more like his father because of this. He had the strong, stern voice of a leader of sorts. A voice you could trust, but could be threatened by at the same time.

"Okay, it's about Kuchel. It's her treatment. It's not going to cure her, sweetie."

"Eh? Not going to cure her? What's the point in having it? What's it going to do?" Erwin's face drained white, mouth left slightly ajar. He knew the answer to the questions of course, his eyes beginning to water slightly at the thought of the outcome. Before Mrs Smith could pull herself together to answer anything, Erwin drew himself back to reality, eyes closed with a deep worrisome sigh. "How long?"

Mrs Smith sniffed, her gentle finger used to wipe a stray tear from her cheek. "The doctor said quite a while - possibly even a year and a half if we're lucky. The medication is helping to numb the pain and keep the tumour in her liver small. It won't stop it from growing, but it slows it down or something like that. I can't really remember what he said, but Kuchel handled it well. She accepted it completely -"

Before she could continue, Erwin interrupted, "And why can't we tell Levi?"

"Kuchel wanted to keep it from him so he could live his life normally for now, so he could enjoy his time whilst he was younger. She knew he'd threat over it, and so was going to tell him nearer the time. But for now, this is strictly a secret. Okay?"

But Erwin didn't respond, and instead brought his hands up to his face and burrowed deep inside them, tears flowing from his eyes. Kuchel was like a second mother to him, and all this time he thought she was getting better. But obviously nothing was helping, and he couldn't imagine his life without her. He didn't know how Levi would cope without his mother there, he didn't know how any of this would turn out. Silently, Mrs Smith snaked her arms around her son, wrapping him into a deep cuddle and whispering reassuring words, comforting him. 

They remained like that until the coffee had grown cold, and Erwin had cried all the tears he had left in his body. He felt heavy now, burdened with a secret that if Levi knew about would absolutely crush him. So the blonde man left the drink, and went to the bathroom to freshen his face and hide any signs of sadness, before approaching the bedroom again. He sighed; the magic of the exciting news the day before, the happiness that was felt between all friends vanished, any good thoughts of meeting up with everyone later gone. He couldn't let it show though, he needed to hide it the best he could. And his only option was to try and sleep off the sadness before meeting with Mike and everyone later, and the one person who would be able to make him feel that way was Levi.

The door was opened, and Levi still lay sound asleep under the warmth and safety of the covers, a very small smile on his lips as he dreamed. Erwin's body grew heavier, as he wandered to the bed and climbed straight back under with his boyfriend, kissing his forehead reassuringly as he pulled the smaller man close, holding him tight. Right now he needed to be there for Levi more than he ever had before, whether the raven haired man knew it or not.

This was going to be the hardest few years of their life. And he wasn't sure if Levi would come out the other end the same.


	38. One Day More

And so it went on.

Erwin returned to college after the weekend, and continued to visit every other weekend from then on – heart growing heavier whenever he heard his boyfriend talk about Kuchel and how she seemed to be getting better, how his heart ached when Levi always phoned so bright and bubbly when his mother returned from hospital. But he knew there was nothing he could do, nothing he could say to his partner. A promise was a promise, and that was one thing that Erwin valued.

He spent a lot of time talking to his mother and father, discussing how he felt with them. So close, so many times, they’d all gotten to telling Levi. But no one had to heart to break a promise with Kuchel; especially given the true state she was in. So Mrs Smith continued going to the doctors’ appointments with her, continued the support throughout the treatments that were numbing the pain. Mrs Smith tried many a time to get Kuchel to talk to her son, but she brushed it off each time. Levi couldn’t deal with any more emotional trauma in his life considering what he’d already been through.

Meanwhile the man in question was working hard at his new job. He enjoyed it, surprisingly, much more than he had enjoyed college. It felt good to be bringing in a wage helping his mother after all the years she’d helped him. Levi was extra happy to be able to afford a lovely selection of presents for Erwin for both his birthday and Christmas, and even a small something for his parents as well. The only downside was that he hardly saw his friends apart from over the weekend sometimes, but it wasn’t all bad. He enjoyed time to himself to unwind and relax.

Mrs Smith made sure he was okay too, calling round every other day with some food for the Ackerman’s. Of course, Kuchel was extremely grateful and Levi played it off cool as though he didn’t really want it, but after all the years Mrs Smith knew that he secretly was very happy that he’d been brought some delicious home cooked food. But it was the least she could do considering the vile lie she was keeping from the man.

For the rest of the second year at University, the two managed to keep their relationship a complete secret. Even when the official engagement party was held for Mike and Nanaba, even when they all went camping again at the start of summer. Erwin had the smart idea to buy a three roomed tent – a centre room, and two side rooms – it made it look as though the two men were just sharing a tent but each night they met in the centre in cuddles and kisses.

The only person that had found out was Mike, after all that time. And Mike trusted Erwin enough to keep it a complete secret so it remained that way. The couple found it hard to not act loved up in front of their friends, but supposed it was for the best to keep their relationship content and without interruptions. Mike often covered up for them if they needed some time together over the summer months, but frankly no one really noticed: too absorbed in looking and applying for jobs for once they finished their last year of University.

The one time they could truly act like a couple was when they were alone, so Erwin made sure they were alone often.

He had taken Levi off on many expensive dates that summer, since his father allowed him to access his trust fund early due to the fact it was almost his final year and he was on track to graduate with a first. Erwin had also received so many job offers that summer from all over for teaching and lecturing and his whole family was so proud. Not as proud as Levi, of course, but he barely showed it. So Erwin decided to treat his boyfriend and whisk him off to so many different romantic locations, to celebrate job offers and just to have alone time. And Levi had loved it.

They’d gotten all over. They went back to the lodge they stayed at for Levi’s birthday, but this time in the warmth so they could swim in the lake and have camp fires on the night. They had taken off to a mountain, where they camped at the top and watched the stars dot and the sun rise. Erwin took Levi on a week long road trip over the country, which proved very stressful and definitely not something they’d do again. Erwin was not very good at following directions on a map, and Levi got grumpy when stuck down for too long. Plus, Erwin had forgotten how on edge Levi got in cars and it was a good two days until they felt comfortable in each other’s company. But that pushed aside, it was good to have each other to themselves: the last years before Erwin and Levi had to share themselves out between friends so much, but now they had the time to offer themselves in full. It was the strongest the relationship had ever been.

Overall, the summer that passed was enjoyable. A lot of time was spent with friends, a lot of secret picnics and dates. Their relationship was so much better than it ever had been before, and it was very hard to find an Erwin without a Levi tagging along behind – there was no separating their newfound, extremely strong bond. And nothing made Levi feel more content.

Before Erwin had to head back to Mitras that summer, the Smith’s and the Ackerman’s agreed for a meet up and a meal together. And after very extensive arguments about how it wasn’t fair to leave the cooking up to Mrs Smith, a compromise was made for the families to eat at the Smith house, but to order in in advance so the food would be already prepared for them. Levi was already sleeping over, so Kuchel called round a little after six for the meal.

It was a big turning point, since Erwin was entering his final year of college. Everyone was already applying to jobs and post-graduation schemes, slowly catching up to Levi who had been in the same job for almost a year now. To be honest, nearly everyone was excited to finally finish education and actually get on with their lives, doing things that they wanted to. It was a relief to finish studying. And most of the group were just excited to move back home and settle down – especially since seeing their friends get engaged at the start of the year.

Once Kuchel had gotten to the large house and all the hellos were announced, the two families shuffled into the dining room where the food was laid out over an extensive arrangement of plates. It was a feast fit for a king: but celebrations of both future and life were needed, and those who knew the secret wanted to treat Kuchel whenever they could. So the Smith’s ordered in the nicest food they could. But of course, Levi just thought it was all for Erwin.

Erwin sat close to Levi at the table, whilst the adults all gathered around the other side. The conversation originally was pleasant and light hearted, everyone talking about their sons and how far they’d come, and the fact that they were almost twenty one now and it seemed so old. Of course, the younger men brushed the comments to the side with a few eye rolls and a few jokes. That was until Levi decided to bring up his mother’s treatment.

“I think this year of college, despite its ups and downs, has been the best yet. Don’t you think, Levi?” Erwin smiled towards his boyfriend, who nodded back before placing his knife and fork down.

“Yeah. Glad you’re graduating though, you can move back home and finally tell everyone that we’re together.”

Mr and Mrs Smith exchanged glances across from one another, before their eyes drew back onto their son. “Erwin darling, aren’t you staying for that lecturing job in Mitras, at your University?”

At that, the black haired man snapped his gaze to Erwin, fork mid-air.

“What? What lecturing job?” Levi looked on at his boyfriend, furrowed brows tight. Erwin had already promised him that he was moving home and they’d get a flat together: it was set in stone, completely agreed.

Erwin sighed, neatening up his plate on the table, before turning to look at Levi who had an extremely shocked expression on his face, a slightly pissed off one too. “I was offered a position at my University, Levi. But I’m not taking it.”

At that Mr Smith’s face grew to Levi’s shocked expression, whilst the raven haired man seemed to relax slightly. “What, Erwin?! You’re not taking it?” It was very clear that his father was trying to maintain a cool and steady persona around the dinner table: it had been so long since he last crashed and threw an argument in that room, but Levi recognised his tone and he knew it wasn’t going to go well.

And of course, Levi was exactly right.

The man stood up, fury in his eyes. It was what he’d always wanted for his son, and whilst they didn’t meet eye to eye on a lot of topics this was one they had both wanted for most of their lives. Mr Smith and Erwin had both wanted to educate since they were young, and Mr Smith was desperate for his son to follow in his footsteps. But seeing the anger on her husband’s face, Mrs Smith reached across the table to place a hand on her husband to calm him down.

But he didn’t calm. An aggressive hand swatted hers away. He kept shouting and shouting at his son, asking him why he wasn’t going to that position, whilst Erwin kept shouting back. Everyone shrunk into their seats, the mothers glancing worried looks to one another. Erwin just sat there in silence waiting for his fathers rage to pass, whilst Levi was practically shaking with disgust in his seat. He slammed his cutlery down, staring at the plate of food before him. There was no way he was going to sit and listen to this for much longer, he couldn’t deal with Mr Smith being like this again, not after all these years.

Thankfully, before Levi could kick off, Erwin decided it was time to stand up for himself and shut his father up.

“It’s my life! I don’t want to go there! I want to stay here with my boyfriend!”

“Oh for god’s sake, Erwin. Your future is more important than your partner!”

“LEVI IS MY FUTURE!”

Mr Smith took a deep breath, looking down at the table before him. Kuchel had moved her chair round to Mrs Smith, who was shaking her head angrily at the event unfolding in front of her. That night was meant to be pleasant and a celebration, not an argument about what Erwin was doing in a years’ time. At the end of the day, it was his life not theirs. If he wanted to stay with Levi he could, but there was no point in saying it at that point. Mr Smith never listened. And Kuchel felt far too weak to speak up, just looking at the situation and then her son with a concerned look on her face.

“And how is Levi going to fund your future? How is he going to buy your house, pay your insurance, pay for petrol? You need a strong, stable, steady income. Education provides that – what is there here? You’re having an amazing position handed to you on a plate. A position that people train years for and some never even get it. You’re being ungrateful.”

“Father, I have other job offers. I don’t have to stay in Mitras. Just because you didn’t follow your dreams and live there doesn’t mean you can force me to live them for you! I don’t want to have it handed to me on a plate, I want to work and deserve it!”

“Don’t you dare speak to me like that, Erwin Smith. You’re twenty, not two. You need to behave like an adult and make rational decisions that will benefit you and your future, not one’s that will hinder.” At that comment, the father figure’s eyes drifted over the Ackerman’s sat down. It was obvious Levi was the target of blame in all this, despite how they’d got on over recent years.

“I am making a rational decision!”

“How?! How the hell are you making a rational decision right now, son?!”

Mrs Smith’s voice came out as a whimper, distressed by her family arguing. They hadn’t argued like this since the night Levi trashed the basement all them years ago, it had never gotten this heated. “Please, calm down we can talk-“

“I’M MAKING A RATIONAL DECISION TO BE THERE FOR MY BOYFRIEND!”

Levi looked up at Erwin confused, but the blonde man barely noticed him in the heat of the moment. His azure eyes were glued on his fathers, a vein sticking out in his neck – one that Levi hadn’t seen before. It was very obvious that Erwin had never been as annoyed as he was right now, never as disgusted with his family as right now. But the thing that truly set him off was how his father began to laugh at that statement, brushing it off as though it was some big, pathetic comment. The laughter turned into harsh chuckles, shooting painfully through everyone’s ears.

“Erwin, you need to be there for yourself. You need your job, please. You’ve always wanted this.” He finally got out, his laughter turning into sobs. Mr Smith was more upset about the whole situation than he was letting on; he wanted the best for his son, and only saw a career as that. But Erwin couldn’t care less, water already on his cheeks with anger.

“I haven’t always wanted this. I’ve always wanted Levi.” A protective hand reached and gave Levi’s shoulder a squeeze, before the older man looked over at the two before him and chuckled through his sobs yet again. It was all going wrong: so, so wrong.

“You need to help yourself, be there for yourself!”

“I DO NOT! MY MOTHER ISN’T FUCKING DYING, DAD.”

At that all eyes snapped up to Erwin, who was finally beginning to calm his breathing. “My mum isn’t dying.” He repeated, voice soft and worried. Calm, but ready to explode with all the emotions flowing through him that moment. He hadn’t meant to say it, not at all – which is why everyone was so shocked, everyone gaping at it. No one even noticing the swear that came from his usually eloquent mouth.

But no one more than Levi, who just simply laughed. His anger dissolving.

“What? My mum isn’t dying Erwin. The treatment’s going well, right mum?” Hopeful eyes glanced over at Kuchel who now had a hand tightly in Mrs Smith’s grasp. She looked on at her son with nothing but sadness, lip quivering slightly. That’s when Levi’s smile began to fall, eyes not changing directions. “Right, mum?”

Now Erwin had managed to pull himself back to reality, and was grabbing Levi subconsciously by his hand ready to pull him from the room. But the raven haired man kept repeating the last statement, drumming it into the silent room.

“Mum? I’m right, yeah?”  
“I’m right mum.”  
“Mum?”

Mr Smith sat back down in his seat heavily, the reality of the argument and what was actually going on surrounding him. The man leant forward in his seat and buried his head in his hands, this time letting out a louder sob. Kuchel was his friend too, and he was disgusted with how he’d acted. He was just worried, he just wanted everything to go right for his son. He hadn’t meant everything to turn so aggressive.

“Right mum?” Levi questioned again, standing up now his eyes still tightly locked on Kuchel’s. But this time she responded, shaking her head slowly at first before it got sterner and she moved it faster, eyes releasing locked tears down her cheeks. Mrs Smith stroked her hand calmingly as Erwin tried to pull Levi back to talk to him in private, knowing full well what could happen.

“Levi darling I’m so sorry.” Kuchel whispered out but was shushed quiet by Mrs Smith who stood up to take charge of the situation. But Levi was fizzing with anger – the same anger he felt towards Kenny when he found out he’d murdered Isabel and Farlan, the same anger he felt towards Nile when he beat him up. He wasn’t sure how to control himself or how to react. He didn’t know who to channel his anger towards – ultimately Kuchel, because she hadn’t told him? But then it wasn’t her fault – maybe the doctors who didn’t fix her? Then he realised.

His gaze rose to Mrs Smith who was about to speak, but kept her mouth shut on seeing how heavy Levi’s face looked, how weak he seemed as his whole body collapsed forward into the table slightly, as though he was a drunk who couldn’t find his feet. “You knew?” He was panting, breath heavy and laced with sadness and disgust.

“Levi please,” Kuchel sobbed, “I asked everyone to keep it a secret. I didn’t want to burden you.”

“Burden me?” He whispered, looking back towards his mother shaking his head, before glancing towards Erwin. “You knew?”

Erwin dropped his gaze towards his feet before nodding, and Levi snatched his hand away from his boyfriend as quick as he could as though Erwin was contaminated, infectious, and dangerous.

“How long? How long have you all known?”

“I told Erwin last year, Levi. When he came back that first weekend for Mike’s party. That’s when he found out. But I promise you he’s wanted to tell you every day since, and we as adults have stopped him. It’s not Erwin’s fault.”

But the voice of Mrs Smith rang on silent ears, as Levi could only focus on his boyfriend right then. And the fact that Erwin had lied to him about the most important, most vital part of their lives. Something that affected Levi more than Erwin, something that he needed to know more than anything ever.

But the raven haired man couldn’t find his voice to argue, couldn’t find any emotion but numbness to fight what was going on around him. Instead, he found his feet and ran: ran from the dining room as quickly as he could. Kuchel stood and reached out as though trying to grab him, but her body was weak with emotion and she fell back to her seat. Erwin reacted instantly, trying to run after his boyfriend to stop him and help him, but Levi was fast, small and sneaky. He could escape anything if he wanted, and quickly too.

Levi ran through the kitchen and grabbed a knife that was left in the holder on display, before heading upstairs and locking himself in Erwin’s bathroom. He didn’t know why he grabbed it, his limbs working without words or instructions from his brain. But he gripped it hard in his right hand, not letting anyone take it from him. By now his anger was turning into panic, breathing in a familiar unstableness. Eyes squeezed shut, Levi tried to count himself to steady his mind. _One, two, one two…_

But it was no good. He couldn’t stop. The man paced around the bathroom as banging proceeded on the door with heavy fists, Erwin’s voice bellowing through the pane loudly. The blonde man had seen Levi snatch the sharp knife from the kitchen work top, worry drowning his voice. Levi played with the knife in his fingers, tricks that Kenny taught him when he was small. Flipping it between hands, twirling it around with no thought to the risk of cutting himself.

 _Always keep a knife on you, kid. A security blanket for if you feel like someone’s gonna come and get you, or you’ll get attacked. If you’ve got a knife, you’re always safe_.

Levi shook his head quickly, sliding both his hands up at either side of his ears, trying to block the voice of Kenny from his mind. But his mind was filled with Kenny, and Farlan, and Isabel, and all the other people he’d lost throughout his life. Most recently the entire Smith family for keeping the secret from him.

But then Levi remembered there was an easy escape to all this – he could just end his life like he’d tried before, expect this time he felt ready to let go. He couldn’t live knowing the people he trusted the most lied to him, he wasn’t ready to face the rest of his life without any family members. He couldn’t do it. And it would be okay, because Kuchel was going soon too. He wouldn’t be leaving anyone behind, he thought.

The knife was brought to his wrist as Levi’s forehead began to sweat and eyes began to water. The banging on the door was repetitive, intruding. He couldn’t concentrate with this amount of noise, the banging and shouting making him panic more and more. And this time, he couldn’t count through it. The knife shattered on the tile floor loudly, at which point Erwin began barging the door down. He was running into it with the side of his body, calling Levi’s name out as he did so. But the noise was slowly melting as Levi closed his eyes and drifted into the familiar yet uncomfortable state.

Immediately the blonde man picked Levi up from the bathroom floor, ignoring the previous advice on not to touch Levi when he was having a panic attack. Instead he carried the surprisingly heavy man over to his bed, kicking and throwing limbs about franctically, where the sheets were pulled back quickly and then wrapped around Levi’s weak shoulders followed by Erwin’s strong, firm arm. It was then that Levi began to come around, gripping onto Erwin’s shirt with all his might and letting everything flow from him.

“I can’t let my mum die, Erwin.” His breath was raspy and weak, whole body shaking despite the sheets surrounding him.

“You’re a fucking dick, you knew and you didn’t tell me.”

“I’ve wasted all this fucking time when I could be helping her.”

The words rang though Erwin like an electric shock, but he ignored his own guilt in order to focus all positive energy onto his boyfriend. He rocked the smaller man steadily in his arms as though he was a babe, kissing his head and whispering gentle and caring replies to everything that Levi was saying despite the fact Levi was trying to push away. But once he became too tired to handle it, the smaller man’s body grew numb and relaxed as Erwin nursed him.

Erwin didn’t let him go, either. He knew the knife was in the bathroom, and he definitely knew what Levi was going to do with it. The blonde man was so worried that if he let Levi go, he’d run straight back into the room and try take his life away again. Either that, or Levi would run away forever. Both prospects were absolutely terrifying, and Erwin held himself totally responsible. So because of that, he clung to his boyfriend tightly sending as much love through the connection as he could muster.

And this continued until the very, very early hours of the morning. Kuchel asleep in the bed with Mrs Smith, Mr Smith laid on the sofa downstairs with a long apology note with Erwin’s name on the envelope beside him on the coffee table, his finest pen beside it. When the two men has disappeared upstairs, both ladies headed up to Mrs Smith’s bedroom and sat together under the woolly quilt just comforting one another, helping each other fall asleep. Mr Smith nodded off surrounded in guilt, a very heavy weight over his entire body.

Once Levi felt his strength flood back into his body he reacted in the only way he knew how. He pushed Erwin away from him aggressively, screaming and shouting as he did so. Punches and kicks were passed at the blonde man, but Erwin held Levi down: pinned his arms and legs down when they closed in on his body, ignored the cruel words being yelled. He talked softly and calmly, and eventually once all the anger had escaped the smaller man, Levi had finally managed to nod off.

But Erwin couldn’t: his mind too guilty, his brain too concerned for the man he loved. So instead, he stayed awake watching over Levi, stroking strands of hair back from his face, gentle fingers stroking over pieces of Levi that he loved so much, dotting small and fragile kisses along Levi’s forehead. But the rest didn’t last that long, Levi himself too upset to sleep for longer than two hours.

Before they knew it, both men were sat in the garden on a bench surrounded with an arch of ivy, gazing up silently into the night sky dotted with a couple of stars and a beaming full moon. If the situation hadn’t been so dire, it would have been a very romantic scene.

The entire walk to the garden Levi didn’t speak, and he still hadn’t spoken since they had sat down together. Erwin didn’t want to speak first. He waited patiently until Levi was ready to talk about everything; not wanting to put any more unnecessary pressure on his boyfriend’s shoulders. And he did, once he was feeling more comfortable. Finally able to grasp the situation, the smaller man decided the best way to approach everything was to ask the heavy and necessary questions first. Into the silent night, his coarse voice sounded.

“How long has she got?”

“When mother told me, she said a year and a half. But the last time we heard the doctor said another year yet, possibly two. She’s a fighter, she’s doing well, Levi. Really well.”

Levi nodded, pulling the blanket that was around him closer to his body.

“Anything else I should know?”

“I don’t know anything else. But please, don’t be annoyed at her Levi. She didn’t want to tell you because she knew how you’d worry and she didn’t want to add that weight onto your shoulders.”

The man nodded again, before sighing. “I’m not annoyed. I’m fucking angry that no one told me, but I’m not annoyed.”

It was Erwin’s turn to nod this time, understandingly. He would have acted in the exact same way if it was his mother, so completely understood where Levi was coming from. It was a lot to take in; especially when you didn’t have any other loyal family members; the only other locked up for life.

“Everyone around me dies.” The words rolled off Levi’s tongue as though with no thought behind them, before his knees were brought up to his chest in a tight squeeze, nose buried into them. He mumbled some more words, and Erwin knowing Levi as well as he did, completely understood them. _Don’t you go dying, Erwin Smith. If you even dare, I’ll break your legs_.

The night air fell silent for a moment longer, before Levi shuffled his body closer to Erwin’s, head resting on his shoulder in a sign of forgiveness. A sigh escaped the blonde man’s body; one that he didn’t realise he had been holding until that very moment, and he snaked his firm arm around his boyfriend, pulling the smaller of the two flush to his chest.

“Do you know if she’s got a bucket list?”

Erwin rested his eyes shut for a moment, “Not that I know. But we can make one with her, if you’d like.”

“I’d like that. Tomorrow we need to make her breakfast too, and make sure she knows how special she is. Okay? I don’t want her going without her knowing how much she means to us all.”

“I’ll do whatever you want Levi. We will make these two years, if not more, incredibly magical.” A soft kiss was placed on Levi’s head, and Levi tucked himself further into Erwin.

“Erwin,” he began, snuggling up in his blanket, “sorry for shouting at you and running off. I wouldn’t have, you know. Done anything.”

“It’s okay Levi, you have nothing to apologise for. Please don’t say anything about it. Just as long as you’re okay.”

“Okay.”

                                                *****

The sun rose in the early hours as did Mrs Smith, who walked into her garden for fresh air to find the two men cuddled up on the bench, the blanket tightly around them both. She smiled warmly at them, before walking over and nudging them awake quietly. Levi stirred first, and his immediate reaction was to wrap himself into Mrs Smith’s arms with an apology, mind still groggy from sleep. But if he was more awake, he definitely would not have done that.

Of course, she apologised back claiming he had nothing to be sorry for. But either way, he felt a lot better for saying it. Mrs Smith promised she’d help him through it, and with anything he needed. So Erwin told her the plans for a posh breakfast and a day out to the beach other, and Mrs Smith ran inside to get planning it all.

Levi helped himself to the kitchen, getting ingredients from the cupboard and turning the stove on ready to cook. He wanted to go all out; fresh, homemade bread, eggs, beans, cinnamon toast – all the foods he loved so much, and of course, pancakes with a million sweet toppings. Meanwhile, Erwin searched the house for his father who was sat in his office, gripping the envelope he’d written to his son tightly in his hands. But as soon as Erwin stepped in, both men wrapped each other in their arms – a sign of affection which was very rarely used between the two, and Erwin took the letter from his father. But they apologised, they made up, they became friends again.

Everyone’s emotions were all over the place at that moment, and there was going to be a lot of apologies made to one another. So instead of holding unnecessary grudges, everyone moved on and as soon as Kuchel was awake, enjoyed a delicious home cooked breakfast by Levi as a form of his own apology. Pretending the night before never existed; living as though Kuchel was well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took me forever to post. This last month has been a mass of Uni work, my birthday, and a lot of actual work. But it's almost Christmas so hopefully I'll be able to get a lot of writing done then, and I really hope you've all enjoyed this chapter! Again thank you so much for continuous support on this and for actually bothering to read it. <3


	39. Friends and Fate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally I got round to writing another chapter! We are now approaching the end (but I say this every time) but thank you again all for your constant loveliness and for sticking by me through this fanfic. I am super sorry for publishing this chapter so, so, so slowly but so much has been going on recently and I've not had time to write ;-; but I do from now on so I truly hope you enjoy this!
> 
> In advance: sorry for any spelling errors or mistakes! I've only read this through once! <3

Weeks passed, and the Ackerman’s finally accepted fate. Levi made the most for his mother – he did all the house chores whenever he finished work, made dinner every night, always booked her hospital appointments and just made sure she was content, warm and as happy as she could be. For the most part, Kuchel’s health seemed okay for now. She made sure to tell Levi about everything from her appointments, although he was sure she was keeping something.

Once Erwin headed back off to college after the weekend everything was exposed, Levi and Kuchel continued finishing the bucket list. At first they started with unrealistic things such as trips across the world, but soon decided they actually wanted to make it something that they’d be able to achieve. Things like picnics in the local park, a full day of films together, lists of foods Kuchel’s always wanted to try, day trips to the cinema, and of course seeing Erwin graduate. The main thing she wanted was to see her son settled and happy, so that was the ultimate aim.

Every weekend when Erwin came home to visit, he made sure to bring a surprise for Kuchel such as flowers, chocolates, and books from the city. She appreciated them all so much, even though each time she told him off for wasting money on her. Of course, the blonde man retreated saying it wasn’t a waste, and the cycle continued every weekend until it approached Erwin’s birthday.

Since no one was certain how long Kuchel had left of her life, the plan was to make Erwin’s twenty first a big one between the two families. Mr Smith agreed to not force any of the extended family around this time as they had done for his eighteenth: and Erwin just wanted it to be his mother and father, Levi and Kuchel. As much as he loved all his friends, this wasn’t a time for them to celebrate with him too: they had so much time in the future for that, so instead a loving meal was prepared by Mrs Smith and they all enjoyed it at Erwin’s house, sat in a tepee in the garden that Mr Smith had ordered, since camping under the stars was on Kuchel’s bucket list.

Erwin received so many loving gifts for his birthday, things that he could keep forever. Kuchel had bought him a lovely hard backed book of one of his favourite stories, with a special engraved message on the cover. On the very last page she’d also inserted an envelope with his name neatly written, but only to open once she had passed. It made him tear up slightly, but slid it straight back in because he didn’t want anyone else to see it. His parents had bought him his first flat, completely furnished, in their home town. It was his father’s way of showing he was completely okay with his son working locally and heading straight back from Mitras as soon as he was finished there. They planned to take Erwin to see it the following day, which he was incredibly grateful for.

His loving boyfriend had saved up as much as he could from his new job at work, despite paying for all the house bills now since he refused to let Kuchel pay for anything else from her savings, and had handed him a voucher to have a tailored suit fitted from when he would graduate. It seemed a long way off, but Levi really wanted to get him something to help define his future – and a tailored suit by a designer seemed the perfect thing to do, knowing how much his boyfriend liked his fancy clothes. Of course, Erwin was so grateful and smothered Levi in cuddles despite the smaller man trying to push him off.

Once all the food was consumed and everyone was stuffed, all five of them proceeded to lay down in the tepee, star light shining through the small hole in the top. The harsh October weather was a little too cold to be sleeping outside, but they were covered in blankets and cushions and throws, a small campfire outside the tent. The main thing was that Kuchel enjoyed herself, spending time with her favourite people, and she definitely did.

Erwin’s birthday passed in a haste, which was the Ackerman’s queue to inform all their friends of Kuchel’s illness. They already knew she was poorly, but not that it was a life sentence. It was the hardest thing they both had to do: the one thing that they had been dreading in agreement since they both accepted fate. Levi held his mother’s hand tightly when she headed back to her old work place at the diner and announced to everyone what was going on. Kuchel had worked at that place for so many years, since she had gotten Levi back into her own care. The people who worked with her were close friends – almost family – so it was a very hard thing to announce to them.

The chef who helped the day Levi barged in breaking down gave her a loving hug, and all the waitresses sat with her for hours, locked up the place, and just offered comforting words. Each also told Levi how welcome he was there, with any of them, should he need anything in the future. Levi knew he’d never use them for that, but was grateful anyway for the words they offered. After tears were shed and the room felt a little warmer again, the chef cooked them all up a delicious diner meal and they all sat around together, sharing memories and giggles until late in the evening.

They all knew it was possibly the last time they’d see their friend: now frail, cold, lifeless. So they took it in stride and hugged her as tightly as they could as she said her farewells, kissing her and making sure she was aware of how much love she emitted into their place of work. The following day, a huge bouquet of flowers were delivered to the flat from the diner, neatly placed upon the coffee table.

When Levi informed his manager at work, he kept it as brief and stoic as possible, not wanting to show his true emotions. He wanted to look strong to them, knowing fully well he needed all the hours he could get for money now. His main worry was that they’d let him take time off – time which he needed. But when he told his manager, she just gave him a kind and sympathetic smile, followed by announcing she’d pay him in full for any time off he needed. He decided to keep it until he truly needed it, and thanked her kindly.

The hardest announcement was to their group of friends. Levi and Kuchel waited for Erwin to be home for that announcement, a weekend towards the back end of November. Everyone was invited round for a film night, and since Levi never really invited people round, everyone assumed it was important.

The Ackerman’s flat definitely wasn’t the right size for a gathering of this size: Kuchel, Levi, Erwin, Mike, Nanaba, Petra, Oluo, Gunther, Eld, Hange, Moblit. But either way, it was happening. Erwin and Levi spent the day rearranging the main room, pushing the sofa to the back of the room, carrying the coffee table into Kuchel’s bedroom, putting the dining table blocking Levi’s bedroom door. All the quilts and blankets from both rooms were placed on the floor alongside cushions, cups, and plenty of snacks. Kuchel was sat on the sofa at the back wrapped up in a knitted crochet throw, keeping as warm as she could now the weather had gotten quite harsh. Erwin kept fussing over her ensuring she was okay whilst Levi potted around anxiously decided the best way to tell his closest friends.

Once the clock chimed seven, the first knock came at the door. Erwin headed over to it, allowing Hange and Moblit into the flat with strawberries and a bottle of Levi’s favourite elder flower drink.

“Hi Erwin!” Hange shouted, throwing their arms around him. He smiled, hugging them back, before Hange made a direct run at Levi. “My favourite human ever! I’m so glad to see you again! It’s like you’ve forgotten me!” This time Levi allowed them to wrap all the long limbs over his small body whilst Moblit nervously followed through, shaking hands with both the men before the couple headed into the living room and flopped down on the squishy floor.

“This is so cosy. Was it your doing, Kuchel?” Hange asked at the lady, smiling.

“I’d love to say yes Hange, but this was actually Levi’s idea.” His mother pulled a smirking smile at her son, who looked away embarrassed by the cute scene before him. Erwin snaked an arm around him, pulling him close and kissing his forehead.

A few moments later Nanaba and Mike turned up at the door, carrying a huge chocolate cake and a bunch of flowers. Levi tried to brush off the gifts, but it was clear that they all assumed something was going on, because all that was ever usually brought was drink. Ignoring it, the new guests were welcomed into the house before walking over and sitting beside Hange and Moblit on the floor.

Mike headed over and gave Kuchel a very gentle kiss on her cheek, after knowing her for years he always liked to make a big thing when he got to see her again. She smiled back at him, and as he asked how she was doing she just nodded and announced she was fine contentedly. But when the very tall man went back to sit with Nan, both shot very worried looks at one another and his loving fiancée stroked his bearded cheek sympathetically.

Finally the last of the friendship group arrived as Petra burst through the door, pulling Levi into the biggest hug that she could, even her eyes felt a little watery. Levi was Petra’s best friend for a long time and since he left college, she’d hardly seen him, so to finally be with him again was a little too much for her. Levi held her back, eyes closed trying not to be overcome with emotion now everyone was here and he was aware of what he had to do.

The three men that entered headed up to Erwin to say hi, leaving Levi to it, before walking over to the group and squishing on the floor wherever there was room, joining into the flowing conversation.

Petra held her best friend at arm’s length once she felt stable enough to pull away from him, and really looked at him all over checking he was okay.

“And how are things with you, Levi?” She asked, voice a little wobbly but overall she seemed to straighten herself back up. “Don’t you ever leave me and ignore me for so long again, I can’t even tell you how much I’ve missed you!” A joking slap was hit on the top of his right arm, sneaking a small smile from Levi.

“Sorry Petra. I’ve missed you too.”

She smiled at him, before finally saying hello to Erwin and heading to join her partner in the centre of the room. Levi turned to face Erwin with very cautious eyes, hands already a little shakey about what he was going to have to tell them all. The worst bit was how they’d react, rather than the news itself. He could deal with saying it, but not with people’s caring reactions. He knew they all would mean well, but he wouldn’t be able to control himself. It was finally real when his friends knew.

“Levi, you’ll be okay, I promise.” Erwin whispered, “I’m here.” Levi nodded as a gentle and subtle kiss was placed on his cheek, the blonde man taking his hand and leading him to sit on the sofa beside his mother. Kuchel threw the throw over Levi and Erwin as she snuggled up to her son a little bit.

“Mum, I think a film first, then we’ll tell them later. Okay?” Levi whispered to Kuchel quietly, and she just nodded back at him – it was already agreed that Levi wanted to tell everyone whenever he felt ready to, and he just needed time to bask in the presence of everyone to feel comfortable before announcing it to everyone.

“So, Levi! What film have you picked?!” Nanaba shouted over the chatting of everyone else, causing the room to fall silent.

“Erwin picked the film. I picked the cushions.” Levi replied in his usual dead-pan voice, and everyone snickered a little, missing their angry little friend’s bluntness.

“I’ve picked an anime, is that okay with you all? It’s called _Your Name_ , and it’s so lovely. I saw it online a few months back and just fell in love with it.”

“Oh I’ve heard of that,” Hange began, “about the red string of fate that ties people together? We must all have a huge piece of red rope holding us! Still friends after all these years.”

“I agree, before we start watching it I just want to say how happy I am that we’re all together again,” Petra spoke, “It’s so nice that we’re all close despite how far away we all live, and the fact we’ve all got our own lives. It’s especially nice to see people before Christmas too, because it’s always so mad at that time.”

“Should we toast to this, then?” Eld asked, and everyone replied by holding their alcohol free drinks into the air as the blonde man called out, “to friends!”

Everyone hollered back and took a sip, whilst Erwin turned the main light off and pressed play on the DVD in the player. The entire room fell into silence as the film played its way through, attentions glued to the emotions flowing through the screen. Levi found himself fidgeting the entire way through, not finding a way to get comfy. He had his arms folded, tried leaning on his mother, then on Erwin, crossing and uncrossing his legs. Everyone noticed it; everyone knew it was a sign that something was up but no one said anything assuming he was just a bit overwhelmed with how many people were in his house.

It was when it reached the near end of the film and the raven haired man had tears dripping down his cheeks people gathered that this was something big to him. Levi had cried before, yes, but always in anger or the comfort of his own presence. He’d never let loose like this in front of friends, especially when they’re all in one room together. Nan was the first one to notice it, shooting him a very worried look across the room, but he just wiped the water from his cheek aggressively and looked away.

Just before the end credits began, Levi stood up and turned the light on quickly, causing everyone to look back round at him with confused faces. The couples snuggling up together sat up in shock, all eyes on the raven haired man. Erwin was about to stand up and head over to his boyfriend, but Levi shook his head and walked back over to the sofa, sitting between the people he felt safe with.

After a very long pause, a very small “sorry” slipped from his mouth, ushered by everyone saying he didn’t need to be sorry, asking him what was wrong, voices overlapping one another.

Erwin put his hand secretly behind Levi’s back and gave it a very gentle rub, as Kuchel shuffled more towards her son and took his hand in hers. That’s when everyone realised that this was very serious – Levi never showed this level of need for support before.

“Sorry, I just – I don’t know what to say.”

“It’s okay Levi, honestly. Just tell us whatever it is in your own time.” Nanaba said kindly, holding Mike’s hand for support, brimming with worry. She always saw Levi like a smaller brother to her, constantly wanting to protect him and make sure he was okay. Nanaba didn’t really know why, she just felt an air of vulnerability from the smaller man, and she loved him so much because of it.

Levi took a breath in, looking down before closing his eyes. “Mum isn’t getting better.”

Everyone fell silent; everyone stopped breathing.

“Mum’s illness is terminal and she’s not going to make it. She’s dying. My mum is dying.” Levi let the words vomit from his mouth, the last sentence constantly repeating itself as his eyes squeezed tighter and his legs fell numb. His small head collapsed into the shoulder of his boyfriend as he began to cry – and properly cry, not just a small few tears, but a deep sob. Kuchel held his hand still but looked over the friends in the room, all looking up at the sofa with differing reactions. Hange and Nanaba had both started crying immediately, locking arms around their partners and sobbing into their shoulders. Petra just stared on at the scene, completely and utterly shocked. The three friends that arrived with Petra were looking down at their laps, sadness over flowing them.

The one friend who it seemed to hit the most was Mike. He just looked over at Erwin, like a rabbit in the headlights. His eyes were wide, mouth agape. He wanted to comfort his girlfriend, but felt too weak to himself. He wasn’t expecting that kind of announcement: he was assuming that Levi was moving away, which is what everyone had thought, but now it came to light how wrong that assumption was, and how much worse the reality was. Erwin looked back on at his friend with a deepened face, both feeling so much older in that moment. But the blonde man continued to comfort Levi with everything he could. He wasn’t expecting Levi to react this badly, Levi said he would be able to hold himself together until they left, but it was very clear that it was all too much for him.

Petra was the first to walk up to Kuchel and give her the largest hug she could muster, pulling her tight and whispering how sorry she was to the loving mother; the kindest mother out of all their friends. Kuchel just smiled and held Petra back, not emotional in the slightest. All Kuchel truly cared about was her son’s happiness and health; as a mother, you could forget about your own pain for the sake of your child.

Once Petra sat back down and people began to sit back up, wiping tears away, that’s when Levi finally felt able to lift his head from his boyfriend, sobbing completely passed. He had very small hiccups from his tears left over, and his face was red and puffy, but he didn’t care if his friends saw him like this now. He was passed caring about how he looked in front of them – this room was full of people he trusted with his entire life, and so he just accepted how he looked and sat back up looking out on everyone.

“Levi, if you need anything at all, you’re more than welcome to come to our place.” Nanaba said, smiling through her damp face. Levi just smiled back.

“We’re all, so, so sorry Levi and Kuchel. If there’s anything anyone can do, please let us know.” Hange announced.

“Thank you, Hange. We’re doing okay at the moment, I think the main thing for now is that Levi knows he has this entire group of friends who will support him. And it’s so clear that you will.” Kuchel replied.

“Oh of course we will! Friends are here for that, right?!” Hange practically shouted, laughing at the end of their sentence. Everyone looked over to them and smiled, nodding in agreement. It was so clear that everyone was just trying to absorb the new information; only beginning to imagine how Levi was feeling. It’s the hardest news for any child to hear, especially when they’re still so young, especially when Levi has already lost so much.

Levi sniffed a few times, before sliding from the sofa to the DVD player and putting a horror film on in absolute silence, Erwin taking the hint and walking over to turn the light back off. Everyone’s eyes kept darting to the smaller man, but people tried to not make it seem as though they were watching him so intently. He knew fully well that they were, so sat right at the front staring at the screen for a very long time before heading to sit between Nanaba and Petra, Hange behind him with their arms wrapped around his chest. Nanaba and Petra both snuggled up to the smaller man, whilst everyone not involved in this hug sat towards the back of the room.

Mike headed up to the sofa to sit beside Erwin and Kuchel, taking Levi’s old seat. Kuchel instantly grabbed the man’s hand and held it in her own, giving him a gentle squeeze and a loving smile. Mike just nodded back, completely understanding that Kuchel was asking him and telling him. Out of all Levi’s friends, Kuchel was most glad for the friendship of the two men sat on the sofa beside her. Erwin for bringing her son so much happiness, and Mike for always protecting him from the people that threatened him. She knew Levi relied on these two far more than he’d ever care to admit.

It was very obvious that a few people subtly were whimpering through the film, trying not to let their emotions show too much in order to support Levi, but for anyone it was hard news to accept. Levi was so looked over surrounded by his friends, and Kuchel made a mental note to remember his image forever and ever, smiling to herself as she looked down on the scene.

By the time the film ended, it had already reached midnight and people were beginning to get tired. The whole plan was for everyone to head back home, but because it was so late Kuchel didn’t want anyone driving home in the dark.

“Would you all be easier just to sleep over tonight? It would have to be in this room on the floor, if that’s okay? It might just be safer for you all!”

“Oh – Kuchel, you don’t have to do that for us. You’ve already done so much letting us be here!” Nanaba announced, but Mike knew that Kuchel wanted them there for Levi in the morning knowing he’d probably have a tough day tomorrow.

“No, Kuchel’s right. We’re probably best stopping over.” His attention turned to Levi’s mum, “Are the blankets still in the spare cupboard? I’ll go fetch some.”

Before Kuchel could even direct him Mike had wandered off to retrieve spare sleeping bags and warm covers for everyone to sleep under. Kuchel instructed Erwin to go and fetch some of her pajamas to hand out to people of a similar stature to her own, and he also grabbed some of the spares he kept at their house for whenever he slept over with Levi. Once both men returned to the living room, Levi was already cleaning up all the cups and food from the floor with a fussing Petra trying to help and do it for him. Erwin smiled at the sight, before handing his pajama bottoms to Gunther, Oluo, Eld, Mike, and Moblit. Kuchel’s pajamas were handed to Petra, Nanaba, and Hange who all got changed in front of one another, not really caring anymore since they’d all seen each other before anyway. After such an emotional night, no one was really bothered by what was going on around them like that anyway, it all seemed so pointless and petty to fuss over things like that.

Kuchel said her good-nights to everyone, heading to the kitchen and giving Levi a hug, before she disappeared into her bedroom and shut the door. People were already beginning to settle down in the main room, couples snuggling up to one another. Petra, by this point, had given up on helping Levi and had laid down beside Oluo, Gunther and Eld at either side of them. Hange and Moblit had already got wrapped up and were falling asleep judging by Hange’s very quiet snores.

Mike and Nanaba were trying to neaten up shoes in the entrance way, putting the chocolate cake and strawberries in the fridge for them all. Erwin was wiping the worktops quietly in the way that Levi had told him how. Levi was still stood at the sink, using the metal sponge to supposedly wash, despite the fact that was meant to be used for pans. All three noticed and shot each other a confused and weary look, before Erwin headed over to stop Levi from doing it.

Long arms wrapped around the smaller man as Erwin reached his hands over Levi’s to stop him washing whatever pot it was, worried it would damage it. But when his hands hit the water in the bowl, he realised that Levi had completely zoned out and was scrubbing harshly at his own skin causing parts of it to tear and bleed. Remaining calm, he pulled the sponge from Levi’s limp hands.

“Hey, darling, come on now. Let us get you to bed, okay?”

Levi nodded beneath Erwin as the taller blonde man guided him to the bedroom, Nanaba and Mike rushing to move the dining room table from the entrance to his bedroom properly so Erwin could just guide him through. The blonde man mouthed a thank you at the pair who just nodded, placing the piece of furniture down in a free space quietly as the bedroom door closed behind them.

Erwin helped Levi get undressed since the man became so lifeless, only managing to change his top from a shirt to a t shirt. Thankfully he was only wearing jogging pants so they wouldn’t be too uncomfortable to sleep in, before the taller boyfriend tucked his partner up under the covers, placing a small kiss on his forehead before turning back to get into comfier clothes himself. Before Erwin wanted to head to bed, he really needed to talk to Mike about everything, so quietly the blonde man crept from the bedroom to find his other best friend in the bathroom with Nanaba, who was clutching a tissue under her nose.

The man tapped on the open door, greeted by two eyes beckoning him to enter. So Erwin did, shutting the door behind him quietly. He sat down on the rim of the bath beside Nanaba, instantly putting an arm around her back and giving her a little hug. Instinctively, the lady rested her head on her friends shoulder.

“We’re just so shocked, Erwin.” Nanaba said, and Erwin just nodded in acceptance.

“I know, it’s the hardest news I’ve ever received.”

“Our main concern is Levi right now, we were both just saying that. He doesn’t seem to be dealing all that well, I mean I’ve known him for years and I’ve never seen him cry like that before. Even after I got him when he was beaten up, he wasn’t as bad as tonight. And the way he was letting everyone hug him, not flinching.”

Nanaba interrupted Mike, “And in the kitchen, when he zoned out. That scared me and Mike, I’ve not seen him do that before. How’s his anxiety with everything? He’s so special we don’t want him to struggle.”

Nanaba started tearing up a little more at that, so Mike came and sat at the other side of her and also wrapped her into a hug as Erwin began to answer all their queries.

“Honestly when he found out it was hard, very hard. I mean I don’t really want to discuss the entire evening again, but he locked himself in the bathroom with a knife. I had to barge the door down. But after that he began to find it a little easier, I suppose. He got back into work and told his manager about it, and I’ve been coming home every weekend and so far he’s not had any more anxiety attacks or things like that, which is so good for Levi.

He’s still managing fine at work, he’s looking after Kuchel every free second he gets. He has been preparing for tonight for a very long time, going over with me what he was planning to say so many times I can’t count. He just kept saying that when you all know, it would become real, and I think it’s just shocked him a bit.”

“I can guess that for Levi, he always puts on that brave face. He always has. I can tell Kuchel is worried though, you know what she’s like with Levi. He’s already been through so much too.” Mike added.

“We’re really going to have to be there for him, you two. I know you both obviously would be, but check up on him as much as we all can, offer him anything he might need. Knowing Levi he’ll just push us all away, but isn’t Kuchel his only family?” Nanaba said.

Erwin nodded, “He’s got his uncle in prison, but yeah.”

“The poor little thing.” Nanaba sighed, “I hate to ask, but how long have the doctors given Kuchel?”  

Erwin just shook his head, “Not too sure. My mother isn’t really telling me anything like that, but for the most part she seems to be fighting well. Levi hasn’t said anything about that either.”

The couple in the bathroom nodded at Erwin’s response, falling silent on lost words. It was just a lot for everyone to take in, especially after all Kuchel had done for each one of them over the years. The last thing they’d expect to find out was something was devastating as this, however the friends had already agreed that after a few days of sadness they had to be exceptionally strong for Levi and Erwin, since they knew her the best. That was the most important thing right now.

 “I better head to bed now anyway, make sure Levi is okay. I’ll see you both in the morning.”

“Yeah, night Erwin. You look after him, okay?”

Erwin nodded, smiling, before standing up and walking over to the bathroom door. He opened it and shut it behind him as silently as he could, before walking straight back to the bed where his boyfriend laid, waiting for him. The silver eyes locked on the blonde man upon entrance to the room, so Erwin climbed into the covers and held Levi with a loving and tight cuddle, falling asleep in the warmest and happiest way possible: in one anothers arms.

*****

Surprisingly, the Ackerman’s and Erwin managed to stay asleep until very late in the day, almost eleven in the morning. The group in the living room were already up and about, preparing a breakfast for the hosts the night before. Mike and Moblit already had a walk to the bakery to pick up Levi’s well known favourite croissant, whilst Gunther and Oluo went to pick up some orange juice, eggs, beans from the shop. They didn’t want to use up the food that was in the cupboards, so all bought it themselves.

Petra and Nanaba were on cooking duty: already frying the eggs in the pan, and scrambling some in another. Mike was working on the toast, buttering and cutting it into little triangles so everyone could share some. Hange was making coffee for everyone using the machine, whilst Moblit was setting up the table and the breakfast bar, laying all the food out in a buffet style. Anyone else around was tidying up the living room, folding the blankets and covers up neatly, opening the windows for fresh air, cleaning up extra mess that was left from the night before.

Earlier that morning, Hange and Nanaba headed to the market very early after waking up super early and bought Kuchel a very large bouqet of flowers, of so many different types, and a very lovely card where everyone wrote kind words and messages to her in it. They wanted her to be aware of how special she was, not only as Levi’s mother but as a friend. And a thank you breakfast was definitely the best way to demonstrate that whilst they were all together.

Erwin and Levi were the first to creep out of their bedrooms, but Levi didn’t even pay attention to the main room and instead headed straight in to check Kuchel as he did every morning. She was safely sat up in bed reading, and as soon as her son appeared she joined him, climbing from her bed slowly and wrapping a woolly dressing gown over her frail body. It was when they exited the room they noticed what had been prepared for them.

The group of friends proudly stood behind the bar in the kitchen smiling at what they had prepared: lashings and lashings of food for everyone to share; eggs perfectly cooked, beans steaming, cinnamon toast, fresh toast, and normal toast displayed cutely on little plates, fresh orange juice and warm coffee aromas flooded the air. The very large bunch of flowers stood in the corner of the table with a card underneath, which Nanaba ran around to hand to Kuchel as she took a seat, a hand over her shocked mouth.

Levi looked on at the arrangement with wide eyes, Erwin beaming down back at him. His friends were all so kind, so loving. They knew how to help and cheer him up when he was down by doing kind things like this for him; and in that moment, he felt truly, truly happy.

“Thank you so much, everyone. This is incredibly kind of you all, you really shouldn’t have.” Kuchel said, smiling at all Levi’s friends.

“We just wanted to say a thank you,” Mike began, “for everything you’ve done for us over the years. This was the best way we thought how. Oh, and there’s a card for you too, but save that for later.”

“Well, it is so deeply lovely of you all. Thank you.”

“Yeah, seriously guys, thank you. So much.” Levi muttered from the corner of the room, to which everyone replied with a big cheesy grin before Moblit took the first slice of toast and began to eat. Mike secretly handed croissants to Levi and Erwin to share together, whilst everyone else began to eat the food displayed all over the kitchen. Breakfast was consumed with smiles and laughs, the heaviness of the night before slowly floating away. It was like a fresh, new day. Even Levi was smiling and actually chatting to people, much to Mike and Nan’s delight after their worry the night before.

Erwin stayed by Levi’s side the entire time, fully aware that he was acting as a safety blanket to Levi, but he didn’t mind at all. And Levi kept subtly thanking him for everything with a subtle nudge and an even subtler kiss when no one was looking at them to tease. Kuchel watched the couple almost the entire time, absorbing how happy her son seemed at that moment.

Once the kitchen was fully cleaned by the guests, spare food put away in boxes, and thanks shared, everyone parted ways. A hug was given in turn to Levi, Erwin, and Kuchel as friends headed down the stairs of the apartment and back into their cars to head off for college again. Everyone made sure to let Levi know that he always had them to fall back on should he need to, and he said thank you in return before the flat was empty and silent again.

“Levi, I’m so proud of you for telling everyone last night.” Kuchel announced as soon as she could, to which Erwin agreed.

“Yes, me too Levi. You were so brave.”

Levi snorted, “I was an embarrassing, blubbering mess.”

The other two smiled, “But that’s the cute Levi we know and love. You do have some feelings under your grumpiness don’t you, mister.” Kuchel squeezed Levi’s cheek to which he pulled away, laughing.

“I love you both so much.” He quietly whispered as he stopped laughing. It was quiet enough for Erwin and Kuchel to properly hear, so they melted around the smaller man in hugs and kisses: living for the moment, not for the past, not for the scary future. Living for the happiness that was with them in that moment.


	40. December Twenty-Fourth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas was always one of the most special times of the year for numerous reasons; this year more than usual.

“Erwin can you stop messing about and help me!” A small voice shouted from deep within the spare cupboard where all the Christmas decorations were kept. Levi had finally broken up from work for Christmas, and finally had found a moment to actually put all the decorations and the tree up in the living room. Kuchel was feeling a little too weak to do anything like that at the moment, after being in and out of hospital for check-ups recently, so Erwin broke up from University early to give Levi a hand with everything. But of course, as with anything involving Levi, the task was stressful and agitated. But Erwin managed to maintain his cool, keeping calm whilst the other man fussed about - aiming to make everything perfect.

“I’m coming I’m coming.” Erwin said back, wandering into the cupboard himself mid shout, a hidden smile in his voice. The plan this year was to celebrate Christmas on the twenty-fourth, and then Levi could celebrate his actual birthday. Mr and Mrs Smith were joining them on their Christmas Day, whereas for Levi’s birthday Kuchel, Levi, and Erwin were heading to a local park with a lovely, large lake for the day with a picnic and plenty of gloves to wrap up warm. Levi wasn't bothered for doing anything on his birthday, same as every year, but Kuchel had been going on about it for months and he didn't have the heart to not grant her wishes given the current circumstances, so he obliged. Annoyingly, it hadn’t snowed yet, so it wasn’t looking like a white Christmas that year. But there was only so much Levi could control, and weather was not one of his superpowers. 

“I can’t pull this fucking tree out, it’s too heavy. I’ve got the baubles though.” The man in question appeared inside the cupboard, tugging at the box squished into the corner.

“Well, budge over and I’ll get it.”

Levi jumped from the shelf he was balancing on and shifted from the cupboard, glancing up at his partner as he did so. But before the raven haired man could vacate the room, Erwin jokingly pointed at his lips. "Price for removing trees from cupboard."

Levi rolled his eyes, standing on tiptoes and planting a gentle kiss on the lips, before picking up the boxes of decorations and carrying them into the living room where Kuchel was sat at the sofa with a table in front of her, decorating Levi’s birthday cake. She wanted it to be traditional: her usual homemade cake she’d done for Levi every year. However, considering how nice it smelt it was highly unlikely that the cake would make it past their version of Christmas day.

“You managed to get everything out?” She asked her son as he dropped the boxes on the floor with a gentle huff. 

“Almost. Erwin’s just getting the tree.”

“Oh, wonderful. I’ve actually bought us a special bauble this year. An Ackerman one with us painted on it and our names under. In fact, I’ll just go fetch it. It’s just on my bedside drawers in a box.”

“No mum you stay here, I’ll go get it.”

“Levi it’s fine –“ Kuchel began, but her son had already dashed from the bedroom to retrieve the new decoration. As grateful as she was, Kuchel sighed at the gesture. Levi was doing that an awful lot lately; not letting her do anything for herself. Of course she didn’t mind her son caring for her so much, but she was extremely worried that his energy would burn out before Christmas got here. And she wanted this one to be extra special. She also didn't want his life to be consumed by worry for caring for her: a constant worry that played in her mind was how Levi was going to cope when the inevitable happened - but her thoughts were quickly pulled from the dark place when her favourite blonde man entered the room. 

“Wow, your tree is so heavy.” Erwin walked in smiling, dropping the large, black box onto the floor dramatically and wiping the sweat from his forehead sarcastically. “How did you two manage to pack that away into that tight space last year? I have to properly tug that out!”

“Oh dear, I think we ended up kicking it in so we could squeeze more into the cupboard. Sorry about that.” A small smile landed upon Kuchel’s face, which lit up even more when her son came back into the room carrying the new bauble. It was incredibly cute, their little cartoon faces drawn upon it with cursive writing of their names underneath. Levi smiled at it.

“This is well cute mum.”

Erwin leaned over and peeked at it, letting out a small ‘aww’ as he did so. Erwin wrapped an arm around his boyfriend, putting a subtle kiss on the side of his head despite Levi's attempt to pull away and duck: but admittedly, he too was feeling a little clingy at the moment, especially with Erwin. This was mainly because Erwin was the only thing helping Levi cope with the situation. The raven haired man was sure his mental health would be so much worse off if it wasn't for Erwin. And his silent way of thanking his boyfriend for that was allowing his clingy, subtle gestures of love - a kiss here and there, every now and again.

It was also very clear that people were thinking this could be Kuchel’s last Christmas, so everyone went a little over the top with it. A massive meal was being lovingly prepped at the Smith’s house to deliver this evening, ready for the morning to save time on cooking on their chosen Christmas Day. Kuchel had got matching pajamas for Levi, Erwin and herself delivered in the post also. Presents weren’t much of a thing this year, but Levi had bought his mum a lovely charm necklace with a heart on the front, her name engraved into it. He had no idea what Erwin would have got him, but they agreed no big presents this year considering financial circumstances. 

“Where would you like me to stand the tree, Kuchel?” Erwin asked, lifting the green from the box.

“Just in that corner beside the TV would be lovely. Thank you, Erwin. You two get decorating then! I need to finish icing this cake.”

The men both nodded, before they got on the mission of the Christmas tree. Erwin took it fully out of the box and stood the metal pieces together whilst Levi pulled the branches out from being at peculiar angles due to storage. Once it was neat and in position, lights were twisted round and baubles hung in random places. They were mainly all ones Levi had made when he was a small child that Kuchel never had the heart to throw away, some basic patterned and coloured ones you can buy in most shops at Christmas, then the very special ones such as the one Kuchel bought them with both their names on it. There was an E, and L, and a K hung on the tree too, finished off with crackers. The star at the end was left for Kuchel to put on.

Once she had finished icing Levi’s birthday cake, she stood up and walked over to the colourful plant in the corner, grabbing the star from the sofa. Erwin got her a kitchen chair to stand on so she should reach the top, as he held her hand to climb onto the piece of furniture. Slowly and steadily, Kuchel climbed on and placed the star at the top of the tree, indicating for Levi to switch the lights on so they could all bask in the glory of it. Kuchel’s face lit up in accordance with the lights, a smile beaming across her face. It was a very homely, cute tree. It was traditional and lovely, and instantly lightened up the living area. Levi felt pretty proud of himself, considering how much he usually dislikes Christmas.

Once she was helped down, the cake away safely in the fridge, and Kuchel sat back down comfortably,  Erwin put a Christmas film in the player and snuggled up with Levi on one sofa whilst Kuchel sat in the other. Recently, Levi was feeling so much more comfortable and confident in acting ‘coupley’ with his boyfriend in front of people; slowly growing up and realising that it was okay to show emotions most of the time (well, some of the time). He’d grown so much since finding out his mother’s illness was terminal; actually talking to people, regularly going to a therapist to talk things through. His mental health had improved so much; and from what Erwin would remember, Levi had only suffered one panic attack between his own birthday and now which is incredible for him. Everyone was so proud and relieved with how the man was handling the situation, fully expecting him to struggle. But Levi was strong, one of the strongest people they all knew - so really no one should have been surprised.

Everyone was incredibly proud of how Levi was dealing with everything.

The film made the rest of the day pass so quickly, and before anyone knew it, Mr and Mrs Smith were carrying plates loaded with food into the little flat, alongside a spare small table and a few chairs so everyone would be able to sit round together. Levi gave Mrs Smith a hand carrying the food in whilst Mr Smith grabbed his son to help remove the furniture, drive back to the house, grab presents, and drive back. Erwin’s parents were sleeping over as well so the house would be nice and full in the morning, Mrs Smith camping out in Kuchel’s bed as usual and Mr Smith on the sofa. But the old man didn't mind, he enjoyed spending time with the Ackerman's these days.

The main section of the meal, a nut roast that Mrs Smith made, was placed in the oven alongside the Yorkshire puddings to heat up in the morning. Pre-cut vegetables and potatoes placed in pots on the oven, and a very large chocolate log was put in the fridge ready for their desert. The entire house already smelt like Christmas, especially since the fire was burning nice and warm now and Kuchel had put music into the CD player she had beside the sofa.

Once the food was away, Mrs Smith got on with making everyone a round of cinnamon toast and hot chocolate for their suppers whilst Levi had a wash and got into his Christmas pajamas, killing time waiting for Erwin to return. And that came soon enough, a car loaded with goodies to share out between one another in the morning. But what people weren't expecting was Erwin's father, actually excited and enjoying Christmas. The man himself was very much like Levi over the holidays usually.

“Ho ho ho!” Mr Smith shouted entering the flat, “Santa is here two days early with lots of presents for you all! As long as you’ve all been good and you're not on my naughty list.”

The man was dressed up in a Santa costume, probably acting the loosest and funniest anyone had ever seen him. Erwin walked in behind with a sack wearing an elf hat, and Kuchel fell about laughing at the sight. This was the sort of Christmas she really wanted; something lighthearted, full of giggles and smiles. Erwin's cheeks were bright pink from smiling too, clearly proud of himself and his father. It was ironic though, and even more funny, that the elf was so much taller than Santa: perhaps that being why the scene was so amusing to everyone.

“Oh dear, what did I marry?!” Mrs Smith started laughing in the kitchen as she poured hot milk into chocolate powder, eyes creased with joy as she stirred the mixture and added whipped cream. The Smith’s had begun to put presents under the tree by the time Levi finally left the bathroom, and actually let out a little snicker when he saw the two pottering about in the corner.

“What are you wearing?” He asked, trying to maintain a straight face as he sat down on the sofa.

“I am an elf, clearly. God Levi.” Erwin said, sarcastically. Levi smirked at him, as Mr Smith just kept repeating the impression of Santa.

“It seems a grumpy little Levi might even have got a present from Santa this year!” Erwin joked, holding up a large box with Levi’s name on the front. The man in question just laughed a little, shaking his head until Mrs Smith handed him a portion of cinnamon toast and a hot chocolate to which he said thank you. Mrs Smith's cinnamon toast was Levi's favourite snack - it was perfectly sweet, perfectly buttery, and melted in the mouth with every bite.

Once the tree was laid out with gifts in lots of different colours, those who weren’t in pyjamas headed to put theirs’ on, Erwin having a quick shower in the process whilst everyone drank and ate up their Christmas ‘eve’ eve goodies. Kuchel’s favourite Christmas film was ready on the television, and as soon as Erwin joined Levi on the sofa under his duvet, Kuchel pressed play. The six sat there enjoying their food, watching the film, laughing at subtle jokes played on the screen. Mrs Smith sat beside Kuchel, whispering away and gossiping in the corner as usual. About half way through, Mr Smith nodded off and began snoring a little, which was when Levi and Erwin decided to head to their room for a little privacy: the only time they'd be entitled to any over the next few days.

As they stood up, Mrs Smith's gaze drifted over to the couple. "Where are you both going?"

"Just to my room." Levi responded, voice deadpanned. 

Just to make the situation awkward as parents always do, both mums gave them a small wink and let out a giggle as they got up with the duvet and walked away. Erwin being cheeky and charming winked back, whereas Levi stormed off with pink in his cheeks, grumbling until the bedroom door was shut. But it was the first time in so long that Levi felt like having some alone time with Erwin, regarding everything that was going on. So as soon as the door shut, Levi turned to his boyfriend and reached his arms around his neck, locking lips as he did so. Erwin returned the action, holding Levi close to himself before lowering the pair slowly onto the bed, not letting one another go. 

It felt amazing for the two to finally embrace one another again: connecting deeply as they’re so used to, exploring each other. Erwin felt amazing to let Levi feel free after everything that was going on; his small face full of happiness, kisses placed down his entire body. By the end they fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms; completely unaware of everything going on around them, the adults in the living room laughing as though they were in a totally different world. But Levi and Erwin really needed that – some precious alone time together, their own Merry Christmas to one another. 

By the time Christmas rolled around, everyone seemed so happy like none of their problems existed. Kuchel and Mrs Smith were already up in the kitchen by the time the two boys left the bedroom, Mr Smith in the bathroom showering. Presents had been put into little piles for each other, and the warm scent of Christmas dinner was floating through the flat.

“Merry Christmas you two!” Mrs Smith hollered as soon as they left the bedroom. Erwin walked over to his mum and gave her a little kiss, and she gave Levi a hug afterwards.

“Merry Christmas mum.” Levi said, wrapping his arms around Kuchel.

“Merry Christmas darling. Are you okay?”

Levi nodded, “yeah thanks. Are you?”

“Of course. This Christmas is wonderful already! We were thinking as soon as the food is all on to cook and Mr Smith finally leaves the bathroom, we could play a quick game of Cluedo or cards. But obviously it has to be presents first, to see what Santa has brought us all. Sound good?”

“Yep.” Levi replied, taking an apple and biting into it, not wanting to wait until food was cooked to eat.Erwin was already on making coffee for the two, and when the smallest of the couple passed, a very swift kiss was placed on the boyfriends’ cheek. The connection between the two feeling stronger than ever after the night before, Levi feeling more in love with his boyfriend than usual, but he would never admit it, of course. Levi even offered a little wink at Erwin, who blushed at the sight of it still feeling a little embarrassed about the night before, especially since it was obvious Levi was playing up to it in front of the adults. But the raven haired man walked from the kitchen laughing quietly to himself at seeing his partner get flustered over something so trivial.

As agreed, when the preparation was complete and Mr Smith was back in the room, everyone sat in the main area of the room looking on at the small piles of presents. Since this year was more about family than gifts, no one had bought too much for anyone. Even Erwin promised to tone it down a little for Levi, something which he did find it exceptionally hard to do: but nonetheless, he did. Mainly because he thought Levi would kill him if not.

Kuchel opened hers first; a collection of posh chocolates from the luxurious chocolatier in Mitras that Erwin had brought home, and a new blanket which Mrs Smith knitted her knowing how much time she was spending snuggled up warm. When she opened the heart necklace from her son, she almost cried. Very typical of Kuchel! But she didn’t let her emotions control her, and instead gave him a gentle kiss on his cheek as a subtle thank you. Levi, not wanting to ruin the vibe, didn’t fuss and push away for once.

Mr and Mrs Smith opened their presents in turn; a lovely writing set, some new florists equipment for Mrs Smith to arrange her flowers, Levi giving them a voucher to enjoy a nice meal out since they’d cared for him so much over the past few years. They told him to take it back and share it with Erwin, but of course the smaller man wasn’t having it and they accepted the gift gratefully.

Erwin was next in line, Levi wanting everyone to open theirs first in the hope it would make them forget about him, hating being the centre of attention still. Kuchel had made Erwin a little hamper full of his favourite things, with a calendar for the New Year that counted down to graduation. His own parent’s saved his presents for Boxing Day, since his sister was coming home for Christmas that day. Levi was planning to give Erwin his present later that day, having bought him something ‘cute’ and he didn’t want to be mocked by it. But, just so it didn't look too odd, Levi gave him the smaller gift he'd purchased for his boyfriend - a new shirt that Erwin was eyeing up online a few weeks ago for the gym.

“So now we’re done opening, shall I turn the oven on?” Levi was about to stand up, aiming to distract from the attention. However his boyfriend was not allowing that to happen, especially since he’d put so much effort into the gift.

“Erm, I don’t think so Mr Ackerman.” The blonde’s hand grabbed the other by the forearm, pulling Levi down with a disgruntled moan. He’d attracted even more attention to himself now, but the sheer size of the gift box that laid under the tree intimidated the smaller man too much. Erwin wrapped his arm around Levi and gave him a gentle hug sideways in a teasing way, just making the smaller man grumpier by the second.

“Don’t worry darling we won’t look.” Kuchel teased, throwing her head up in the air with eyes shut dramatically; the way a small child would do peevishly if they’d got in trouble for something. Both Erwin’s parents let out a small chuckle, as Mr Smith handed the gift up to Erwin who proceeded to hand it to Levi.

Sighing sarcastically, Levi tore the Christmas paper from the gift revealing a beautiful, elegant, dark book. Once he opened the inside it turned out to be a photo album, completely full of memories of the Ackerman’s and the Smith’s from when they were tiny to now. As Levi flicked through the pages he saw himself as a tiny child in Kuchel’s arms, then just one photo with Kenny. He skipped past that page quickly, not wanting to think about the fact he’d have to visit his uncle in prison soon to let him know about Kuchel - that was one worry he could do without having for now, never wanting to see that man again.

There was one picture of him with Isabel and Farlan which Levi paused and focused on for a very long moment. He had no idea where Erwin had found this, presumably from Kuchel – although he didn’t even know his mother had any photos of his oldest friends. Levi’s grey eyes lingered at that photo for a little too long before he flicked through the rest of the album revealing many smiling Mike’s and grinning Erwin’s. There were sneaky pictures too that Mrs Smith had taken whenever Levi had been round at their house; the two boys holding hands in the garden, cooking breakfast for Kuchel, at his eighteenth birthday party. They were nice, candid shots - some even managing to capture Levi smiling, a very unusual sight from his usual grimace in photos. 

Once he got to the last page, there was a huge gap on the white paper. Levi frowned, looking up at Erwin.

“It’s for us all to take a photo today. I’ll get it developed afterwards and we can put it in here, so it’s a memory scrapbook for you.” Erwin’s smile was both adorable yet there was a sadness behind it. As everyone was assuming it was Kuchel’s last Christmas, it was clear that the Smith’s wanted to provide Levi with something for him to remember his mother. The photo album was closed and he looked over at everyone muttering a polite thank you, before standing up and resuming cooking not wanting to dwell on that for too long. He didn't want to seem spoiled, but today was the one day he didn't have to think about the future, and so he wouldn't. Cooking was distracting anyway, and everyone got the hint and moved on from the gift.

Since the food was all prepared the evening before, it made it a lot easier for everyone to cook the main dinner. Food was simply reheated and vegetables boiled, and before the families even realised it was approaching almost four in the afternoon, tummies full of delicious home cooked food, game pieces scattered all over the table as the final round of Cluedo reached an end.

“Am I okay to just say a little something whilst we’re all still sat around the dinner table? I was going to say it before, but everyone seemed too hungry and I didn’t want to distract you all.”

“Oh, of course Kuchel. Go ahead.” Mrs Smith smiled at her friend as all eyes drew up to the lady sat at the head of the table, a cracker hat placed neatly on her head.

“I just want to say thank you, to all of you individually. You’ve made this Christmas so magical and special. It’s the big, family Christmas that I’ve dreamt of for years but never got the opportunity to celebrate, so to all of you, thank you for allowing me to celebrate it with you. And thank you for bringing such joy and happiness into the Ackerman household. We’re not your traditional functioning family, going through so many ups and downs we might as well be made into a roller coaster, but we are one of the happiest. Thank you for being there for my Levi, and for being lovely.”

“Kuchel, truly, you don’t need to thank us for that. Levi is part of our family now, as are you.” Mr Smith stood from the table, walking round and placing a tentative kiss on the ladies cheek. This was followed by Erwin, then by Mrs Smith. Finally, Levi stood and gave Kuchel a small hug too, as she whispered how she loved him.

Kuchel was right: whilst they weren’t the traditional functional family, they were so happy together. So happy. And the only thing that Levi would change about the Ackerman’s was Kuchel’s illness so she’d live forever, or at least long enough to see Levi grow into an old man and settle down with Erwin. That was all he wanted his mother to see; him being happy, spending his life with the person he'd always been in love with. She would always be grateful for the times she'd seen Levi through so far.

“Well, I for one have had a wonderful Christmas!” Mrs Smith said into the new found silence, “Should we finish it off with a traditional Christmas film?”

“Sounds good mother.” Erwin responded, a kind and warm smile upon his face. “I’ll start making hot chocolates, Levi why don’t you go get some blankets?”

“Will do.” Levi walked from the main room into his mum’s, opening the spare cupboard and grabbing a few blankets from inside there. He took a moment to himself then, allowing a deep rooted sigh to seep from his small body. Levi hadn’t really had the time to think about how this Christmas might be his last with Kuchel; something that he wasn’t willing to let himself think about. The more he thought about how it could be a last, the more he didn’t enjoy himself and found himself fussing instead of relaxing. But when everyone kept saying stupid cheesy things, making comments that felt like a goodbye, the feeling couldn't help but rise in his stomach. He wanted to shake it away, get rid of it - finding himself zoning out and just sharing blankly into the cupboard.

When he realised he’d been lost in thoughts for too long, Levi returned to the living room where Erwin was just finishing up with the hot chocolates, the blonde man looking over with a concerned face. But Levi just nodded to him, assuming he was asking if he was okay. Erwin responded with a smile, placing the drinks onto a tray to carry through. The three adults were already sat together on the floor, eagerly awaiting their delicious drink and a cosy blanket. Levi handed them over to Mr Smith who in turn shared them out over everyone's legs, whilst the smaller man gave his boyfriend a hand in the kitchen.

Once the film was playing and everyone was comfy, Levi allowed himself to properly relax into Erwin the way he usually does when he felt he needed extra comfort. He let his body drape over the blonde, head resting heavily on the beating chest. It was a comforting sound, hearing Erwin’s heart beat slowly in his chest. The older of the two’s hand stroked down Levi’s arm kindly, subtly. Rough fingers smoothing out Levi’s cold skin.

Everyone remained snuggled up, sprawled out across the floor for hours after the film had finished – Kuchel had fallen asleep, as had Mr Smith. Erwin’s head kept drooping, and Levi was pretending to be asleep so he didn’t have to make awkward conversation with whoever sparked it up first. It was only a few moments later when Mrs Smith stood from the floor, announcing to everyone that their little family would have to be getting back soon as Erwin's sister would be arriving anytime that night. The vibration of her voice in the room caused everyone to stir and sit up straight from their sleeping positions. Levi neatened his hair, sitting upright beside Erwin who was stretching out. Kuchel finally awoke last, subbing her eyes and stretching in the process; still half asleep.

“I’ll fetch our bags and jackets.” Mr Smith said with a yawn, wandering from the main area.

“Kuchel, Levi. Thank you both for a wonderful Christmas Day. And of course, Happy Birthday for tomorrow Levi.” Mrs Smith headed over, giving Kuchel a hug and a kiss, then Levi one after. They both said thank you for coming.

“I’ll see you on Boxing Day, darling.”

“Yeah mother, I’ll see you then. Thank you for today.” Erwin gave both his parents a tight squeeze as they shuffled tiredly from the small flat, presents and Santa costumes in tow.

“I think I’ll be heading to bed now too, if that’s alright you two?” Kuchel asked, lifting her limp body from the floor as delicately as she could. Erwin bent down so she could use his arm as leverage, her body appearing even weaker when she was tired, and once she stood straight and upright, Kuchel let go.

“Yeah, that’s fine. Night mum.” Levi said, a kiss placed on her cheek.

“Goodnight you too. I’ll see you both in the morning for birthday cake breakfast!”

The two left laughed a little before the eldest of the three disappeared behind a closed door, settling down for the night. Levi and Erwin decided it was best they did the same; cleaning up the living area, rubbish, table, the kitchen. It was way past midnight by the time Levi was properly happy with how clean it was and all pots thoroughly washed and put away. Levi took Erwin's hand in his, pulling him to the bedroom before releasing grasp and handing him a neatly wrapped present.

"It's not much, just a small something."

Erwin took the gift excitement in his eyes. Slowly the paper was removed from the gift, revealing a picture frame holding a certificate. As Erwin inspected the gift, it revealed that Levi had bought him a star. There was an Erwin Smith star in the sky, shining down on them right that second. Erwin's mouth turned into a grin, feeling incredibly lucky and honoured to have received such a thoughtful present.

"Levi, that's amazing - thank you so much."

Levi shrugged it off, but there was a hint of a smile in his eyes. The taller blonde man reached down for a gentle kiss, before smiling again at his boyfriend, suddenly jumping when his watched beeped announcing it was one in the morning. "Oh Levi! It's one in the morning, so far into your birthday!"

“So it is.” He grumbled, wanting to get under the warm covers, tired and grumpy from the hectic day. And the day following was going to be hectic too; he just wanted to sleep.

“Happy twenty first birthday. I love you.” Erwin wrapped his small boyfriend tightly in his arms, tucking his chin under the raven’s head and planting a small kiss on it. “I’ll give you your gift now, if that’s okay? It’s sort of a Christmas and Birthday gift in one.”

“Erwin I told you not to get anything for my birthday, a picnic in the park is enough. Plus you’ve already got me that photo album.” Levi frowned.

“Like I’d listen to that, honestly Levi. You should know me by now!” Erwin chuckled cheekily, as he reached around his bag, pulling out a very small black box with a red bow on the top. Levi looked up, a confused expression, as Erwin gazed on with excitement flooding his eyes. Delicately, Levi pulled the ribbon apart and lifted the lid of the box revealing a shining, silver key.

Levi was still confused. “A key?”

“Would you do me the honour of moving in with me once I come home from Mitras?” Erwin asked, the smile on his face not fading. But the question, the offer, caused Levi’s eyes to widen and his mouth to hang ajar. He’d never have expected Erwin to want to move in together as soon as he’d graduated: especially not into a flat that his parents bought for him. Of course the man saw them both moving out together in the future, but he'd never have expected the opportunity of his dreams to sneak up so quickly, so easily. But before excitement could take over, the immediate panic set in of the costs: he graduated in just a few months, but Levi was paying the rent for his mother, unsure he'd be able to manage both costs. 

But obviously, Erwin Smith being Erwin Smith, already knew what Levi was thinking. “There’s no rent to pay since my parents gifted the flat to me, and bills are all covered. You’d only have to pay for you food. And you could move in earlier, or whenever you like. Even now if you wanted! But of course you wouldn’t want to leave your mother. But I just want to spend every moment of my life with you, Levi.”

Erwin’s words were flooding from his mouth in a mixture of excitement and anxiety. He’d been waiting to ask Levi this for a while now. As soon as he saw the flat, he knew that he couldn’t live there alone. Nowhere in the world felt right without Levi, even looking on at him now made his heart flutter still after all these years.

After a pause that felt so long, so hard, so dull, Levi finally responded. Firstly it was subtle and small, Erwin could hardly tell his action. But it increased in speed, his head nodding in agreement as Levi grabbed his boyfriend and threw his arms tightly around him, lips locking in the process. It was what Levi wanted, what he needed. He finally had something to look forward to again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're approaching the end slowly but surely! Thank you all so much for your consistent kindness and support, for dedicating your time to reading this. It means so much to me! You're all wonderful. I hope twenty eighteen is being kind to you all so far!


	41. Graduation

The New Year began slowly, before speeding up and getting hectic after the first few steady months. Erwin and Levi found themselves too excited over the prospect of moving in together; often spending weekends rushing about buying things for their new home together, cleaning it so when they finally moved in it wouldn’t be too dusty from lack of use: and it was safe to say they had never being so excited about anything before.

Whenever Erwin came home for the weekend, he often brought Hange and Moblit too. Mainly because they wanted to be there for Levi through everything, not that they’d ever admit it, and also to help the couple with decorating their first flat together: helping gradually move items in so as soon as Erwin came home, he’d settle straight into his new flat. Mike and Nanaba often visited too; Mike growing closer to Levi through that time, resulting in the smaller man visiting the engaged pair’s flat once a week for tea and to have a small break from work or caring for his mother.

Not that he minded caring for Kuchel at all. But over time she was growing weaker and weaker, the illness consuming more of her. It was almost impossible for the lady to walk anywhere these days; usually travelling by wheelchair. Mrs Smith had cut her hours down at work dramatically to help care for her best friend, and the whole family paid for a daily nurse to come and help with the basics so she wouldn’t have to move into hospital or travel for her pain killer injections or check-ups. And as horrible as the situation was, everyone made the best of it.

Kuchel thankfully managed to travel to see her son’s future home too, much to her excitement. She was so content knowing that when she had to leave Levi, he was set in his ways with his amazing boyfriend and a lovely home. She didn’t want him to have to live in their shared flat above the sweetshop, knowing that it would be too haunting for him. Her main goal was to get Levi set up in Erwin’s flat as soon as he felt able, and of course the blonde man allowed this, agreeing within seconds that he could stay there a few nights a week to get settled.

Levi was very reluctant to that idea at first – he desperately wanted to spend as much time with his mum as possible. But Kuchel talked to him, as did Mrs Smith, and she was already staying over at the Ackerman’s three nights a week for support. So those nights, Levi moved into his future home to get comfortable. At first, it was hard. But then he got used to the whole prospect of it, and soon spent so much more time there than he did at home. Work life had forced him to become an independent man, and he was handling it so well. Kuchel was so proud.

And so their routine went on. And on. For months they lived this way, working, studying, and caring. For the most part it was lovely, and Levi managed to tick a few things from Kuchel’s bucket list with the help of Erwin’s car and a few long drives. She was so incredibly grateful to have a son like Levi, and so lucky that he had friends that he did. Petra came round to cook tea often, or just to plait Kuchel’s hair and treat her well, and Mike always came round after work just to pop his head in and say hello. She couldn’t have been happier with the entire situation.

The day of Erwin’s graduation came round so quickly, and before anyone knew it, Kuchel and Levi found themselves getting ready in the hotel room that they’d booked for the night. Levi did sneak out to see Erwin the night before, however worried about his mother’s condition, the smaller man headed back home in the early hours. Since she was away from home and her usual support network, he wanted to ensure she was okay at all times (even after she insisted on numerous occasions that she didn’t need that level of fuss; but Levi was stubborn).

Besides, today marked the day that Erwin would finally move back home. The day that Levi moved out formally with his love, the first day of the rest of their lives. They could finally spend every moment together not worrying about travelling or distance, and Levi was so excited. Erwin was even more excited too; more so than the graduation ceremony, which Levi noted he was oddly nervous for.

Since it was such a special day, Levi decided to wear the suit that Erwin bought him all those years ago and the promise ring given to him too. He knew that Erwin would be wearing the exact same things, since the blonde man never removed his piece of jewellery and the outfit was shown to him the night before. Kuchel was wearing her engraved necklace which she received specially for Christmas from her son, and a lovely floaty floral dress. The early summer heat was picking up now and the ceremony was outside, so it made sense to not wear anything too heavy.

For all students, they were only allowed to bring two people to the graduation ceremony mainly to maintain fairness between everyone. But since Erwin received the highest grade in the class, and since he’d partaken in so many extra curriculum activities, the school board decided to allow him two extra seats. They were a lot further back than the Smith’s, but nonetheless Kuchel was so glad she could tick seeing Erwin graduate from her bucket list.

Despite the seats being further back at the ceremony, Kuchel kept saying how she’d be absolutely fine managing the walking distance. There was no way she wouldn’t go and see her favourite blonde man graduate after watching him grow up, and if that meant struggling to her seat using Levi and crutches, then that’s what she’d do. She really didn’t want to make a fuss about having a disabled seat; honestly she just wanted to live as a fit and healthy lady for another day.

“Mum are you almost ready?” Levi called out from the bedroom impatiently. The ceremony was due to start at eleven, and it was now ten in the morning. They’d eaten and got ready, but Levi wanted to see his boyfriend before he had to take the nominated seat on stage.

“Yes, yes. Stop fretting. I’m coming now.” Kuchel called back, a clear smile present in her voice. The lady headed out from the bathroom, slipped a cardigan on and grabbed her bag. Levi took that as his cue to stand up, neaten his hair one more time before rushing to the hotel room door. Kuchel smiled a subtle grin to herself at her son’s obvious excitement, before grabbing the key card, crutches and leaving behind him with a slow walk.

Erwin and his parents were waiting for the Ackerman’s at the entrance to the place where the ceremony was due to take place: the park outside Mitras Town Hall, just seconds away from their hotel which overlooked the park. Erwin looked so grown up now; fuller, broader, and taller. As soon as he saw Levi approaching, he bent down and gave his partner a kiss on the cheek. Levi, trying not to get embarrassed or frustrated on Erwin’s special day simply smiled back, before he felt fingers intertwine with his own.

“You okay?” Levi asked.

“Nervous. I have to do a speech, since I’m top of the class. I’ve practiced it and got it all written down, but still. Very nervous.” Erwin tried his best to show off a proud smile, but Levi could feel the nerves vibrating through this finger tips. An encouraging squeeze was given from the smaller man.

“You’ll be good. You always are.”

Erwin smiled, “Thank you Levi.”

“Hey Erwin, what time do you have to collect your graduation gown and cap?” Mr Smith asked, interrupting the two men.

“At ten thirty. What time is it now?”

“It’s just past ten. You’ve probably got about twenty minutes. Did you fancy walking into the park now so we’re there?” His father continued, to which Erwin responded with a nod and the family of five wandered through the large, iron gates and into a fresh green park dotted with flowers of so many colours.

So many students flooded the grass: everyone incredibly dressed up. Hange’s and Moblit’s graduating class was the following day, since they’d picked a science degree. But the two said they’d be hanging around all day to watch the ceremony from the side lines, so the friends of theirs made it a mission to find them. Typically of Levi’s luck, on the way they bumped into Nile and Marie’s families who were gathered around drinking prosecco.

“Oh wow! Levi!” Marie squealed as she walked over to the smaller man, leaning in for a hug. Levi stepped back, not allowing her to have the honour of touching him so she stood back up straight with a saddened smile. Nile wandered over to join her as the parents all began to talk between one another.

“How have you two been? I’ve not seen either of you in so long.” The girl continued.

“Very well, thank you Marie. What about Nile and yourself?” Erwin tried his best to remain civil; polite. Levi just stood beside his boyfriend scowling over the entire situation, as did Nile. They were the last people on earth Levi wanted to see today, still not forgiving them for everything that happened before. He’d never forgive them, to be honest. But he was feeling quite smug about the fact that he was at the ceremony with his boyfriend, hand in hand with Erwin Smith. And that was the thoughts that helped him cope through the terrible conversation about to happen.

“Oh we’re wonderful! Nile proposed to me last year, so after graduation we’re moving into a large town house together and planning the wedding. It’s ever so exciting!”

“That’s great news. Congratulations you two.” Erwin put on his best fake happy face, but neither of the engaged couple seemed to pick up on the falseness of it.

“Thanks, Erwin. Look, sorry about all the past. Let’s use graduation as a means to move on and forget?” Nile stretched his arm forward, to which Erwin responded with a handshake. He definitely would not forgive or forget, but after knowing the man for so long, it seemed petty to not pretend to be friends at the very least. Levi just watched on glaring at the man, as the same gesture was put forward towards him.

A small tut escaped Levi’s mouth before he looked away to the floor before him, not even wanting to have to see the disgusting human. “I’m not shaking your hand, but whatever. We’ll move on.” Levi muttered, before grabbing Erwin’s hand again and walking away from the couple. Without a word of goodbye, they walked towards the back of the park and finally managed to find Hange and Moblit who were sat rating people’s outfits out of ten, making up pretend little stories about them.

Levi and Erwin sat beside them for a short while. Hange informed Erwin that they too were the top of the class, and were preparing their speech about discoveries made that year. Moblit looked on at his partner with a smile as they spoke with so much enthusiasm. All Levi could think was about how happy he was to still have these people in his life, despite all the ups and downs of the past few years. Everyone stuck by him through everything he’d been through, even when he acted like a little shit. And he could never thank anyone enough for that.

Moments later, the bell began to ring indicating that people needed to find their seats whilst the students had to get themselves dressed appropriately and seated in the correct positions. Levi noticed a very visible gulp from Erwin before they stood up, ready to say goodbye to their friends and find Kuchel.

“We’ll be watching your speech on the screen, Erwin. You’ll do great.” Hange wrapped their arms around him, giving a hug.

“Thank you, Hange. We’ll see you later for drinks perhaps?”

“Perhaps.” Hange replied with a smile, as Erwin gave Moblit a hug and Levi joined in the goodbyes. The two men wandered off in the direction of the stage, meeting up with parents before Levi and Erwin shared a chaste kiss, interrupted by a professor telling Erwin to hurry up with a rude tap to his shoulder.

Levi’s and Kuchel’s seats weren’t too far back, and thankfully were aisle seats also: a means for a quick escape, Levi thought. There was nothing worse than being stuck in the middle of a row when you wanted to get out but the other people around you wouldn’t move. His small body straightened up in the seat, leaning forward to look down as the students walked onto the stage and took to their positions. Erwin walked on last, sitting closest to the podium. Levi saw him smile and wave at his parents as he did so.

“He looks so handsome, doesn’t he?” Kuchel stated, commenting on the exact thing that Levi was thinking. “I can’t believe he used to be that small little blonde kid that played in our paddling pool. Now he’s your boyfriend, moving in together, graduating from Mitras University top of the class.”

“Crazy, huh.”

Levi couldn’t help but look down at all the dark gowns and wish he was graduating with his friends this year too. Everyone on stage looked so fulfilled and excited; the prospect of finally leaving education to set a foot forward in the rest of their lives. It was a once in a lifetime experience; a feeling that you wouldn’t be able to get ever again. But either way, Levi was glad he’d quit and got a job. If not, Kuchel and he would not have been able to cope all these years. Neither of them would.

A second bell sounded, causing the audience to slowly lower their voices and conversations until there was utter silence on the crowd. A tall, older man walked to the podium on the stage, coughing to clear his voice as he did so. He looked over at his students, gave Erwin an extra smile, and a subtle nod, Levi noticed, before returning and facing the rows of onlookers.

“Good morning to you all, and thank you for joining us today to celebrate these student’s successes over the last few years. University is a hard, tiring, long winded process unlike anything you’ve been through before, so today is about congratulating Mitras University graduates for their dedication and work ethic throughout a difficult time.” A round of applause sounded.

“We will start today off with our students who achieved the highest grade in their classes; Erwin Smith, with a bachelor’s of History. And Rosie Declan, with a bachelor’s of English Language.” Another round of applause, with a little bit of a whistle this time, presumably from their parents. Levi watched on with a slight sparkle in his eyes, proud of Erwin.

“So first to the podium, Erwin Smith with 97%; a First in his History Degree. A literal History maker for our University with such a high grade.” The old man held the piece of rolled paper in his hand as the blonde man stood up nervously, walking up to the centre of the stage. Mr and Mrs Smith stood up clapping as the certificate was handed over before the silence numbed and Erwin could begin his speech.

A small piece of paper slid from Erwin’s pocket as he neatened it out onto the wooden stand in front of him. Eyes down; he couldn’t look up yet, nerves flooding his system, but after a few deep breathes the blonde man composed himself and leant towards the microphone.

Levi felt his body automatically lean forward in his seat more, eyes widening with excitement and encouragement for the man he loved the most.

“Wow, well. Hello everyone.” Erwin began, “Honestly I’m so shocked to be stood here, making a speech, because I scored the highest grade. University has been a struggle; first year was a disaster, I’m surprised I stood through it.” There were a few giggles, clearly more than one person related to that. “Second year was okay, and third year was pleasant. I just want to use this opportunity to say thank you to all the people that helped me stand where I’m stood today.

Firstly, my father for pushing me to actually go and study History at Mitras University. There were a lot of strings trying to hold me to home, but today I will be back there with a bachelor degree and I couldn’t be prouder.

Secondly, my mother. For always being so kind, so caring, and so accepting of me and my life decisions. I know sometimes I’ve made the wrong choices, or done the wrong things. But you’ve helped me in more ways than you know, so thank you.

I’d like to thank Kuchel Ackerman also, who has always being like a second mother to me. I’ve been welcomed in with open arms, fed and watered, offered shelter if I need it. Kuchel, thank you so much for being you. I couldn’t have graduated without your support.” Levi felt his mother’s body tense beside him, a smile plastered on her face.

Erwin finally managed to scout Levi and Kuchel out in the crowd at that point and gave them both a smile; by this point, Kuchel was already crying. But Erwin’s eyes fell onto his boyfriend at that point, as his hand reached under the gown and into his pocket. The azure eyes glazed right back into Levi’s; who was frozen to the spot now.

“A thank you too, to all my friends for always believing in me and pushing me forward through this entire course. But I have one final thank you to make now, if that’s okay still?” Erwin finally pulled his eyes away from his boyfriend and looked back at his professor, who nodded happily at his student with a very wide smile on his face. Something was going on, Levi thought, and he wasn’t sure what.

“Finally, I’d like thank Levi Ackerman, my boyfriend. Levi, thank you for always helping me through everything I’ve done in my life, whether that be just revising with me or giving me a hug when I need it, to helping me make the right life decisions. Thank you for being a constant support. Thank you for being in my life. I’m so glad we met all that time ago in elementary school: I felt that day that you were different, special. And oh, how right I was. So, if it’s okay with you, I’d like to show you how much I appreciate you in my own way. Please come down, Levi.” Erwin smiled up at his boyfriend with pleading eyes as Levi’s own widened in horror. Everyone was going to be looking at him now, but if he left Erwin standing there alone it would be even worse. So with a loving squeeze on the knee from Kuchel, Levi stood up and walked down the stairs to centre stage: all eyes glued to him.

During the walk, Levi kept his eyes firmly on Erwin on the stage, whose hand had now slipped into his pocket and lifted something out. The smaller man had no idea what Erwin was about to do, but it seemed that Mr and Mrs Smith knew something, as did Kuchel, as the three of them were tearing up a little. Levi looked over at Erwin’s parents as he walked past them, who both grinned back at him. But he was too shook to smile back, too nervous. He needed to keep his sole focus on the stage, not to look at all the other people who were glaring at his back as he headed down the front. But admittedly, he was excited to be stood on a graduate stage as well – something he’d never get the opportunity to do again.

After what felt like the longest walk ever, the man finally approached the stairs to the stage where Erwin met him with his hand, pulling Levi up them until they were stood directly looking at one another. As their hands locked, it felt like they were just in the privacy of their own room, as though no one else was watching them with bated breath about what was about to happen.

Levi could feel the heat in his cheeks, the sweat in his palms. He felt uncomfortable but this was Erwin’s special day, so he’d cope with the unwanted attention for a few more moments before he could walk off and hide forever until he finally cooled down. Waiting anxiously, he just thought Erwin was going to lean down and give him a kiss or something.

Until he got down on one knee.

The item in his hand, a small box, pulled in front of him. Eyes still glued onto one another, Levi’s wide, Erwin’s filled with anxiety. The taller man, now fully knelt on one knee, took Levi’s left hand in his own noticing the promise ring shining bright.

The world fell silent: all Levi could hear was his heart pounding, blood flowing around his head. All he could focus on was the numbness of his legs. _Erwin wasn’t doing this, there’s no way he’s going to say those words. He would never ask me that, I’m not good enough for that._

“Levi Ackerman,”

_No, not me. That’s not me. I’m not good enough for him. This isn’t real, it’s just a dream. Just a dream_.

“… Would you do me the honours of marrying me?”

With one hand, Erwin had managed to remove the ring from the box and place it on the floor. At this point, the entire audience were looking on at the couple at centre stage with wide eyes and smiles so big and so warm. Levi heard Marie gasp from the corner of the stage, he swore he could hear Hange scream in the distance too. But at this point, anything could be happening.

Before his brain fully functioned properly again, Levi found himself nodding. He kept nodding until a whispered “yes” slipped from his lips, met by a sliver of silver sliding onto his finger, joining his promise ring. The blonde man leapt from the floor and wrapped Levi in a tight hug, water streaming down his face. The entire audience began to clap and cheer so loudly, almost deafening.

Marie stood up, clapping and cheering too. People shouted congratulations, everyone was just so excited for the pair. Kuchel had somehow wandered down to stand with Mr and Mrs Smith who were all crying now, excitement filling their hearts. One thing Kuchel never thought she’d live to see was the engagement of her son, yet here she was, watching on with nothing but love flooding her heart.

“Shit, Erwin. I was not expecting that.” Levi mumbled into his boyfriends’ chest, trying hard to hold in all the emotions he was feeling. His face was buried so firmly in the broad chest before him, hidden from the crowd. Everything was already humiliating, and to start crying in front of strangers now would just push him to his limits. But nonetheless, he was so, so happy. The happiest he’d ever been.

Erwin chuckled. “I’m sorry I did it so publically, I just thought today was the best time. I know you hate being the centre of attention, but I hope you forgive me.”

Levi shook his head, “shut up you dork.”

Erwin laughed again, before he excused himself from the rest of the ceremony to go and sit with his boyfriend. He felt he’d already being a very large distraction to the rest of the graduates, and if he were to stay, then the gossip would linger. So instead he politely thanked his professor for allowing him to propose to Levi on such a prestigious day, before they wandered off to watch the rest of the ceremony on the screens a little further into the park. And as happy as he was for his friends finishing their degrees too, Erwin couldn’t help but be distracted. Constantly kissing and cuddling up to Levi: his fiancée.

As the ceremony drew to a halt, families meeting up with their children, friends cuddling, taking photos, saying goodbye to one another, Levi and Erwin were just stuck in their little bubble. Whilst Erwin did go and say thank you to professors for the years of teaching, goodbye to fellow classmates, he couldn’t help but want everything to be over so he could get in his car and drive home to start his new life with Levi. In his own flat, with dare he say it again, his fiancée.  And much to his delight, both his parents and Kuchel could sense that was the case and decided to not force him out that evening to celebrate – instead, once they’d had a small chat with Hange and everyone they knew, the two families headed straight to the hotel to pick up belongings, to Erwin’s old home, and to the cars.

Levi said farewell to both the Smith’s and his mum for the night, and went straight off with Erwin to his own car. The entire drive home they couldn’t stop stealing small, affectionate kisses, small hand squeezes, and so many smiles. They’d stopped at every service station just so they could hold each other, and they may have snuck off down quiet dirt roads to have a little bit of fun in the car, both so overwhelmed with the entire day.

By the time they’d actually managed to get home, night had completely fallen. The world was pitch black, street lights the only visibility guiding their way. But before they could head back to their own flat, Erwin had to call in at his parent’s home to get the rest of his belongings from his bedroom and also the food hamper that Mrs Smith had lovingly prepared so neither of them had to go out in their first few days of living together, her constantly telling them about how she and Mr Smith didn’t leave the bedroom at all, much to her sons dismay.

They both struggled through the front door, worn out, to find all the adults gathered round with a large notebook before them, Mrs Smith sat at the floor writing in it whilst those around her were picking at the last few bits of pizza and drinking a non-alcoholic wine that Mr Smith had bought especially for the occasion.

“Ah, you’re finally home!” He called out when the two entered the room, hand in hand of course, and sat practically on top of each other in the free sofa. “You’ve been so slow! We were going to wait for food but got far too hungry. So now we’re just planning your party.”

“Party? And don’t worry about food, we stopped off at services to get something to eat.” Mrs Smith looked up at that, embarrassingly winking at her son who kept a stoic face and looked at the book in front of her, trying to read ideas.

“Of course a party, duh!” Kuchel began, “To celebrate both your graduation and engagement. We’ve invited, so far…” She leant over Mrs Smith’s shoulder to grab the list of names, before slowly reading them all out.

“Mike, Nanaba, Hange, Petra, Oluo, Gunther, Eld. I remember you saying that Eld had a boyfriend now? So him too, if you wanted. Of course Moblit too, and Levi I wasn’t sure whether you wanted to invite anyone from work or not? And same with you Erwin, anyone from University? Of course us three will be there too. But it’s up to you with how intimate you’re wanting it.”

“And Erwin, your sister and her husband are coming back for the event too. And we were thinking our family, so cousins, aunties, uncles. Everyone we know, if you’re wanting it to be a bigger thing. I do think bigger would be better, you can sneak off and hide for a bit then too which will be nice.” Mrs Smith chipped in, eyes glistening, clearly excited over the whole prospect of having the family round. Which, noticing this, Erwin definitely couldn’t say no to.

“That all sounds wonderful, thank you everyone. When are we planning this gathering?”

“We were thinking perhaps in a couple of weeks, Saturday the 16th of June might be good because it’ll be sunny then.”

“Sounds great, mother. Thank you.”

The five in the room all looked and smiled at once another, before the late comers joined in for a few non-alcoholic drinks with their family to celebrate the entire events of the day. But as the hours crept on, the tiredness did as well. Everything was so overwhelming, and Erwin still had so many phone calls to make to friends to let him know the big news, including people like Mike and Nanaba who he wanted to tell before anyone else, especially since Hange was in the know and wasn’t the best at keeping secrets on news so big.

So the newly engaged couple bid a goodnight to their family, giving lots of hugs and kisses as further congratulations were announced, before departing ways and heading back to their own home. The first time they’d walk in that door, knowing that it was there’s properly now for as long as they wanted to live there. Erwin grabbed the last few items quickly from his bedroom whilst Levi grabbed the hamper of food prepared by his future mother-in-law, before they finally managed to leave the large house and drive down to their flat.

And it’s safe to say that the couple made their mark on the home, not able to keep their hands off each other as soon as they unlocked the door, getting tangled in a mess of limbs and passion, before letting their bodies rest once they were well and truly spent. Levi was very glad he had booked the next week off work; he was definitely going to need it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finally managed to write one of the most important chapters, I think, of the story! We are getting so close to the end I can't believe it, and I'll get the next chapters put up as soon as I can (I promise!)! I'd love to thank you all again for your continued support and kindness, for all the lovely comments and kudos you've left me. I can't tell you how lovely it is to have people support your work in that way; especially since I was so wary about putting this online before hand. Thank you again, I hope you're all having a wonderful twenty eighteen! <3


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